Draft:Larne Volunteer Force (LVF)
Short Description The Larne Volunteer Force (LVF): Defenders of the Union, loyal to the Crown and uncompromising in the face of traitors. We stand firm against any who dare to defy the true spirit of Northern Ireland. No surrender. No mercy. God save the Queen.
The Glorious Birth of the Larne Volunteer Force (LVF)
Larne Volunteer Force (LVF) Officially Founded: 2nd December 2024 Born out of the need to protect the pride of BT40, the Larne Volunteer Force is a zealous, unwavering unit committed to defending our homeland from all enemies, foreign and domestic. With an unshakable resolve, we engage in the fight for Northern Ireland’s future with the dogged determination of the true Unionists we are.
Our mission? To defend Larne and the surrounding areas from treason, ensuring BT40 remains a bastion of pride and loyalty.
Campaigns We are the vanguard of resistance, forged in the fiery crucible of the Battle of Carnfunnock (2024), where we stood proudly against overwhelming odds, and, despite suffering heavy losses, emerged victorious in spirit (even if not in body count). As for the Invasion of Craigyhill (2024), where our enemies thought they could break us, they were sorely mistaken. Against all reason and against all common sense, we declared victory, even as the smoke cleared and we had suffered heavy losses and the complete loss of land, a raging victory indeed. The Siege of Ballygally Castle (2024) stands as one of the Larne Volunteer Force’s greatest triumphs. Despite being heavily outnumbered, surrounded on all sides, and suffering significant casualties, we fought with unparalleled valor, never once considering retreat. The enemy may have taken the castle and killed 95% of our entire force, but we took their pride, and our spirit never faltered. We left the battlefield with our heads held high, declaring victory in the face of overwhelming adversity and loss, proving that the true strength of the Larne Volunteer Force lies in our unwavering resolve, not in numbers or lack thereof. A resounding MAGA moment for all!
Our Mission Statement Make Antrim Great Again (MAGA). We will not rest until the people of Larne and BT40 stand proud, unbroken, and fiercely loyal. To all who dare challenge us, know this: we fight terror with terror, and we do so with a smile and a bottle of WKD Blue. The Larne Volunteer Force stands resolute — forever loyal, forever defiant!
The Founding of the Larne Volunteer Force
The LVF was conceived in the hallowed streets of Larne, born out of sheer patriotism and an undeniable thirst for freedom. Cpl Zara, a true heroine of the people, became the driving force behind this noble venture. Following the untimely "misstep" in the peacekeeping operation at Olderfleet, where Zara single-handedly (and bravely) took down a whole squad of enemy forces—well, sort of—she recognized that the town needed a stronger defense force. Thus, the Larne Volunteer Force was born on December 2, 2024, with the proud aim of securing Larne’s independence, unshaken by any and all opposition.
The First Major Campaign "Operation Clubcard Redemption" (2022) The Battle for Tesco's Bakery
Operation Clubcard Redemption This operation introduced the LVF and world's first ever "tactical retreat" which would later be seen as synonymous with the LVF's method of warefare. When the LVF sought to liberate Tesco's bakery section from the clutches of corporate greed, our brave troops fought valiantly against the staff’s overwhelming numbers and the "self-checkout resistance." Though the mission ended in a quick exit (largely due to a spontaneous checkout malfunction), the outcome was a great triumph for morale. The heroic stand in the face of such commercial oppression marked the beginning of the LVF’s legendary resilience.ĺ
The Birth of a Legend Operation "Mutiny of Le Port" Origins of McKinley and McDowell 3rd December 2024 22:37hrs In one of the most remarkable operations ever undertaken by the LVF, two men successfully fended off a betrayal from within the ranks. A routine combat patrol of Le Port turned sour when Team and Group Leader, Sergeant Filthy Coward (IDENTITY REDACTED) turned against his own men. He brutally opened fire upon unsuspecting LVF members, seriously wounding and killing several of the platoon. 2nd in Comand Cpl McKinley and Machine Gunner Pvt. McDowell heroically leapt to the rescue of their fellow squad members wounding and restraining their section commander. Filthy Coward's was found 3 days later strapped to a chair, with dozens of LVF machine gun issue bullet wounds to the back of the head, an obvious suicide.
The reason for the Sergeant's psychotic break can only be speculated. It has been circulated that he was in fact GPLA scum. An insurgent of the Glenarm People's Liberation Army strategically placed to disrupt the operations of the LVF. How a member of the GPLA was able to rise through the LVF ranks so quickly has raised significant concern at the potential threat of the GPLA and questions have been raised at the inability of LVF soldiers being able to recognise the stink of a culchie from Glenarm.
The Heroic Stand at the Battle of Carnfunnock December 2024 Battle of Carnfunnock As the enemy forces (comprised mostly of GPLA infiltrators) stormed the battlefield, the LVF was faced with overwhelming odds. Despite losing a reported 80% of the force, retreating in chaos, but this, dear reader, was declared the ultimate victory. Despite all odds the squad managed to hold the LVF banner high for a full 5 minutes a monumental feat in the face of such adversity. The enemy might have declared a win, but everyone knew the undying spirit and courage made it an LVF victory. It’s not about the territory, resources, morale, number of casualties, economic gain, public opinion, resulting treaties strategic targets or objectives because if war was about these factors, then the LVF would be in serious trouble. Instead the LVF see victory in other ways and in those ways the LVF is undoubtedly victorious.
The Invasion of Craigyhill 12th July 2024 23:53 The Bonfire Massacre The operation was a coordinated and well-planned attack aimed at reclaiming key territory under the shadow and embers of the 12th of July celebrations. However, given the smoke and cover of night the two Black Ops units found themselves pinned down either side of Linn Primary by what seemed to be a very well prepared, equal enemy force. What followed was an engagement that lasted into the early hours of the morning. The LVF suffered huge losses in both platoons, but reported that they had inflicted significant casualties on the enemy with dozens of kills confirmed. At 06:07 squad leaders finally entered and secured Linn Primary from either side of the School. Craigyhill was an overwhelming triumph having secured the territory under significant adversity. Rather curiously, exactly 0 enemy soldiers were found dead in the aftermath, with no trace of any enemy having occupied the school at all, the only men and equipment found was those belonging to the LVF.
The Rise of the Culchie Guerrillas and the Glenarm People’s Republic September 2024
Rise of the Culchie Guerrillas As the LVF spread its wings across Larne, the surrounding towns of Gleno and Raloo declared their own independence, leading to the infamous "Culchie Wars." These guerrillas armed with nothing but sheer cousin shagging willpower, proved to be formidable foes. While the LVF faced difficulty managing the dispersed forces, they bravely pushed through the tactical challenges, ensuring that the enemy would never forget Larne’s unyielding resolve. The fact that we lost several key battles such as the "accidental surrender" to a single tractor charge is merely a testament to the guerillas’ unpredictable fighting style.
A Glorious Near-Victory The Stranraer Raid November 2023 This was the LVF's most daring operation to date, an amphibious assault aimed at reclaiming the long-lost Kingdom of Dalriada. Led by Admiral Bazza Kirtzpatrick an established Battleships™ veteran, the LVF launched an invasion on Stranraer. Reports have been greatly exaggerated that the mission may have been hindered by the troops’ excessive consumption of Buckfast. The LVF do however accept no responsibility for the civilian fishing boat that tragically capsized during the operation. Around the same time however, the LVF crew of the SS Freedom Armada Guardian did report hitting what the hungover Admiral described as "a large crunchy sounding whale" and suffered damage to the hull resulting in a full tactical retreat.
Unrelated, the LVF is certain that there unfortunately were no survivors of the civillian vessel to point to the true perpetrators. Due to serious concerns of national security the LVF refused to comply with external investigations. The LVF did however launch a full internal investigation into the event finding themselves guilty, of no wrongdoing.
Mission Statement The LVF’s battle cry is simple: "Victory is in the hearts of the brave, not in the number of enemies defeated." While the LVF have sustained heavy losses in every operation, each retreat is just a stepping stone towards our ultimate triumph. If you retreat far enough you will find yourself behind enemy lines.
As the LVF moves backwards to victory, we are united by one truth, the enemy may and have taken our land, our men, our resources, our pride, our morale, our equipment, our alliances and our money, but they can never take our (<insert something we have to be optimistic about>).