We should have known that Fifty Shades of Grey would never die. Just when we thought every copy of EL James's whip-heavy fanfiction-turned-literary phenomenon had been permanently closed, the forthcoming movie adaptation sprang into life with the announcement last week that Dakota Johnson and Charlie Hunnam will play kinky lovers Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey.
Having read the book and concluded that it is totally ridiculous, we're not exactly confident that it will transfer well to the big screen (and apparently neither are you guys).
Still, we expect there'll be plenty of Fifty Shades enthusiasts queuing up at cinemas when the movie is released on August 1, 2014 - including a few celebs. Read on to discover which famous fans are counting down the days to the premiere and who will be giving Christian Grey and his "sphinx-like smile" a wide berth.
Victoria Beckham - Fifty Shades fan!
Flawed though it may be, turns out Fifty Shades had the power to do the impossible and turn Victoria Beckham's famous frown upside down. The Spice Girl-cum-fashion designer revealed during her guest stint as editor of US Glamour that she loved the erotic novel so much she even bought her mum a copy.
"Every time she tries to engage in conversation about it, I kind of dodge the subject," she explained. "I don't really want to talk to my mother about S&M!" Amen, V-Becks. Save that for golden balls, eh?
Kristen Stewart - Fifty Shades hater!
You'd think that since Fifty Shades started life as fanfiction for Twilight, the franchise that made her a bajillionaire, Kristen Stewart would feel some kind of connection to it. But no, this is Kristen Stewart we're talking about, a woman whose emotional state seems permanently set to 'Yah, whatever' - and she's not a fan.
"It's just so raunchy," she complained. "When I see people reading it on planes and stuff, I'm genuinely creeped out. Like, you're basically just reading porn right now! Get that blanket off your lap!"
Holly Willoughby - Fifty Shades fan!
We suppose it makes sense for Britain's number one celebrity mama (sit down, Myleene Klass. Know your place!) to be a fan of the book that's been not-so-affectionately dubbed 'mummy porn'.
Willoughby told Digital Spy earlier this year that she is a proud champion of Fifty Shades and its two sequels, revealing: "I read them in about a week. I'm not sure where the shame of reading it comes from. It's brilliant." We can practically hear Keith Lemon 'Ooosh'-ing from here.
Armie Hammer - Fifty Shades hater!
The Social Network star very quickly ruled out playing Christian Grey in the upcoming movie, stating: "My agent brought it up, and I said 'Nope'. I mean, come on - it's just mommy porn.
"I'm not going to sit on top of the laundry machine in spin cycle reading about putting a ball gag in someone's mouth. That doesn't do it for me." Armie, you probably made the right move ditching Fifty... although we do question your judgement after The Lone Ranger.
Stephen Amell - Fifty Shades hater!
Likewise, Arrow beefcake Stephen Amell was touted to play the aforementioned Mr Grey on the silver screen until he publicly slammed the bondage bonanza. Granted, it wasn't the book per se that he had a problem with, just the general naffness of the character.
"I didn't find [his] character to be totally redeeming," he said. "And I actually didn't find him to be that interesting. This is not a criticism on this particular piece of literature. This is simply, you know, I like to play roles that I find interesting. Nothing about Christian Grey really spoke to me." Well, to be fair Stephen, it is kind of hard to talk when biting on a ball gag.
Richard and Judy - Fifty Shades fans!
Brace yourselves, people - we're about to mix sadomasochism with cuddly TV spouses Richard and Judy. It may just be all too much for the more delicate readers out there.
Speaking to Digital Spy recently, the book club proprietors and This Morning legends praised EL James for allowing women to feel "safe" reading porn, shrugging off complaints about the quality (or lack thereof) of her works.
"Some books that are published are huge successes and you read it and you think, 'What?'," Richard said. "But you can't moan about it, it's the public's choice and if they want to go out and buy a sexy book about whipping and tying up then they will."
Tulisa - Fifty Shades hater!
Shock value is probably what propelled Fifty Shades to dominance, but for a former N-Dubz member who grew up on the mean streets daaahn Camden surrounded (allegedly) by 'green and white sweets', a bit of spanking ain't nothing!
Tulisa Contostavlos felt a bit let down by Fifty Shades when quizzed about it last year, declaring: "[It] isn't that shocking for me because I've always said [what I want in bed]... I like to be dominated and said to boyfriends, 'Hey, this is what I like'." Maybe Tulisa can show us exactly what a good bit of erotica looks like in her new book. Oh, wait...
Ryan Seacrest - Fifty Shades fan!
American Idol is pretty much the most inoffensive show ever launched on TV, but it turns out its host Ryan Seacrest is a bit of a filthy one on the quiet. The 38-year-old recently admitted to being "obsessed" with Fifty Shades and said that he was using it as "a manual" for then-girlfriend Julianne Hough.
"It's fascinating to see something like that capture the Zeitgeist and also it's really interesting to read," he said. "I think it can be a study book for a lot of people. Parts of it can be a workbook."
Kim Sears - Fifty Shades hater!
We'd have loved to see the faces Andy Murray's delightfully expressive girlfriend pulled reading Fifty Shades, given how she tore it apart on her personal blog last year.
"One book you can't judge by its cover (as it is quite impossible to prepare yourself for what lies inside) is Fifty Shades of Grey," she wrote. "Don't worry, I'm not here to masquerade as a literary critic, but I do want to say that I was left cold by the book and you can do much better for summer reading."
Natalie Cassidy - Fifty Shades fan!
Even after all the literary and cultural crimes Fifty Shades has committed, this is the book's most unforgivable sin - forcing us to listen to Sonia from Eastenders brag about how it's reinvigorated her sex life with fiancé Adam Cottrell.
"Mr Grey and Anastasia's steamy antics are certainly an aphrodisiac," she wrote in a newspaper column. "I feel like a different woman. Now when I think of sex, it isn't a chore that I need to fit in, rush or put off. I haven't stopped thinking about it." And now we can't stop thinking about that. Enjoy the mental image, readers! Don't say we don't give you anything!
Are you a fan of Fifty Shades? Leave us your comments below!
