WHAT HAVE WE MISSED?
It was a simple but important question we asked our writers: what are the most glorious stretches of sand (or pebbles) you’ve ever set foot on? Here are the results
FRANCE
1 Plage du Cap Blanc-Nez
Pas-de-Calais
The best beach in France, as judged by Paris Match magazine in 2016, is this enormous plage nine miles west of Calais. With dazzling chalk cliffs and vast sands, it looks suspiciously like one of ours: indeed, if you’re lucky, you can get a UK phone signal here. What you can’t get is cod and chips, but you’ll find moules frites at the Restaurant Les Falaises, back down the lane in Escalles, a perfect substitute (£12.50; lesfalaises-capblancnez.com). CH
Take the ferry from Dover to Calais (1hr 30min)
2 Portsall
Brittany
At the rugged, ragged end of Europe (next stop America), moorland sweeps to the shore, ceding a series of beaches and creeks centred on the dinky port village of Portsall. Nearly 40 years ago, it was famous for the filth spilt by the Amoco Cadiz oil tanker. Now the white sands are again pristine, the rock pools are unblemished and the offshore reefs are once more a challenge for loose-limbed boatmen. AP
Fly to Brest or take the ferry from Plymouth to Roscoff (6hr)
3 Plage de Pen Morvan
Brittany
A chief charm of the south Breton coast is the plethora of pint-sized villages — all stone, whitewash and hydrangeas — fronted by beaches from which they appear to be sheltering. Such is Sainte-Marine, on the Bay of Bénodet, in Finistère — a spot about which, given a day or two, you’ll feel protective, even proprietorial. A hop south from the hamlet of Pen Morvan starts a great sweep of Celtic sand (round to Ile Tudy), backed by dunes and greenery, free of commerce and flummery. Stand before it and you know the holiday has come right. Sky-high family happiness is assured. Southern Brittany abounds in brilliant beaches; this is our modest favourite. AP
Fly to Brest or take the ferry from Plymouth to Roscoff (6hr)
4 Plage du Truc Vert
Aquitaine
Cap Ferret, the finger of land enclosing the Bassin d’Arcachon, hosts the hols of the cooler sort of classy French person, those for whom St Trop is de trop. It also gets elemental: 20,000 acres of forest edged, on the ocean side, by 15 miles of wild beach. Truc Vert is the finest stretch. Through woods and dunes — the only access — the beach opens to endless untroubled sands and rollers sufficient to chuck surfers about. You might equally gallop furlongs from the Ranch du Truc Vert, which offers riding on the beach. There’s room for all. That said, should you spot Marion Cotillard — she has a house nearby — leave her be. After starring with Brad Pitt in Allied, she’s suffered enough. AP
Fly to Bordeaux
5 Dune du Pilat
Aquitaine
A day trip to the Namib Desert — that’s how you sell this one to the brood. Pilat, a hired bike ride south of Arcachon, is the biggest sand dune in Europe — 330ft high and more than 1½ miles long. Paddle in the chilly Atlantic nibbling its base, then climb to the top (there are steps in the northeast corner if you’re really struggling) for barefoot ambles and sunbathing with a view — as far as the Pyrenees on a good day. It’s customary to end your day with a kamikaze charge down the butter-soft slopes. DC
Fly to Bordeaux
6 St Jean-de-Luz
Aquitaine
St Jean is Basque to the tip of its beret, its grande plage a headland-to-headland storybook sweep beckoning families with every safe summer promise. Untroubled by touristy shops, punctuated by clubs for tots, here is France’s grandest in-town beach. Meanwhile, an amble north, Cenitz and Lafitenia beaches provide pounding surf for board folk. And behind, the town itself grafts elegance onto deep roots in fishing, family and festivity for a whole life that bustles beyond holiday time. AP
Fly to Biarritz
7 Calanque d’En Vau
Provence
You don’t really notice the gradient of the coastal path from Cassis until, a couple of miles in, you round a corner to be confronted by this — a perfect little smudge of sand wedged between sheer limestone walls, hundreds of feet below you. The meandering walk down is surprisingly straightforward, there’s not a breath of wind at sand level and the water is the most invitingly azure you’ll find this side of Antigua. Don’t worry — inland, there’s a flatter walk back. DC
Fly to Marseilles
8 Notre-Dame
Ile de Porquerolles, Provence
France’s finest beach needs to be earned. It’s a 30-minute walk, or 10 minutes by hired bike, from the carless island’s port village. So the crowds are thinned and the sumptuous curve of sand is reserved for nature aesthetes like you. The half-mile stretch is backed by pines, eucalyptus and other scented stuff. Out front is a sea so clear, it’s as if the Mediterranean sky has liquefied. There is no cafe or bar. Be sure to bring a picnic: it’s a gratifyingly long trek back to buildings. AP
Fly to Toulon Hyères or Marseilles
9 Agay
Provence
You’ve swung along the Estérel corniche and now dropped to a U-shaped bay so intensely agreeable that, like the Parthenon and potato crisps, it obviously appeals to a constant in the human psyche. Limpid light and water, half a mile of fine, soft-shelving sand out front, mountains behind and modest village between: this is the stuff of gentle arias. Less gentle, more adult, are the red-rock creeks that flank the bay. Your guidebook almost certainly won’t mention Agay, but take it from us — it’s well worth the stop. AP
Fly to Nice
10 Plage de la Mala
Provence
The locals often arrive at this cliff-flanked crest of sand and pebble by private boat. But there are two other routes, both Instagram- worthy: a 10-minute walk down winding steps from Cap d’Ail railway station and an hour-long coastal trail from Monaco. Once there, turn west for the public area or experience the trappings of the have-yachts for yourself at one of the two private beach clubs: chic restaurants, padded sunloungers with parasols (from £26 for the day), massages and free wi-fi. KL
Fly to Nice
11 Plage d’Erbaju
Corsica
This mile-long stretch of white sand lies so far off the tourist map, you practically need a GPS to find it. Accessible only by foot — it’s a 45-minute hike from Roccapina via a path thick with lavender and myrtle — Erbaju has no beach bars and no umbrellas. There’s only the odd determined German (quite possibly sans Speedos) to remind you that this is southern Corsica, not the Cook Islands. JL
Fly to Figari
SPAIN
12 Playa de Figueiras
Isla de Monteagudo, Galicia
Nine miles due west of the Galician port of Vigo, there’s a bit of the Caribbean. No one knows how they got here, but the Islas Cies — islands of emerald forests, sapphire seas and platinum sands — clearly belong in the Grenadines, and are so precious to Spain that only 2,200 visitors a day are allowed. (Book yourself on the ferry from Vigo and you’ll be fine. Returns cost £16; crucerosriasbaixas.com.) Playa de Rodas is the family one — backed by the bath-warm Lago de los Niños — but pretty, sheltered, ever-so-slightly nudist Playa de Figueiras is the showstopper. CH
Fly to Santiago de Compostela, then take the ferry from Vigo (from 40min)
13 Playa de Frejulfe
Asturias
The proper way to reach this beach is via a clifftop coast-path tiptoe from Puerto de Vega, with sea thrift tickling your shins. You’ll arrive to find a half-mile stripe of gold, with a pink crag at one end for swimming under and a chiringuito — more treehouse than bar — on a piney lookout at the other, serving sand-dry cider and cheesy croquetas. The surf is always full pummel here, but it has lifeguards in season and there’s a swerving stream for littl’uns and lilos. VC
Fly to Oviedo/Asturias
14 Playa de Poo
Asturias
You can stop that giggling right now: Playa de Poo, two miles west of Llanes on the Asturian coast, is not only dazzlingly clean and a place of fairy-tale beauty, it’s also probably the best family beach in Spain — or, at least, the one kids seem to remember most. At the tidal mouth of the tiny Rio Vallina, it’s sheltered from wind and wave, and almost fjord-like — like Treyarnon, in Cornwall, but on an epic scale, with caves to explore, the river to dam and safe paddling. It has loos, a couple of cafes and a small free car park. CH
Fly to Asturias (Oviedo)
15 Playa de La Concha
San Sebastian, Basque Country
The best city beach in Europe, we’d hazard, La Concha is a mile-long horseshoe, its thick lip of sand giving way to surprisingly deep waters and a view studded with bosky headlands and an island, like something out of Thailand. Directly behind, you’ll find handsome old buildings, the world’s best tapas bars and a restaurant scene that dazzles with Michelin stars. OT
Fly to Bilbao
16 Cala Jovera
Catalonia
A decent castle is as much an asset to a beach as a river running through it — take Bamburgh or Manorbier, for instance — and the prettiest Spanish equivalent is Cala Jovera. A tiny patch of sand and rock beneath the walls of the 11th-century Castell de Tamarit, near Tarragona, it’s as romantic a spot as you’ll find on the Costa Dorada. Don’t be surprised if you encounter brides emerging from the sea: the castle is a hugely popular wedding venue. Park at the back of the castle, on Cami Castell de Tamarit, and follow the signs to the beach. CH
Fly to Reus
17 Cala El Golfet
Costa Brava
The “secret beach” tag doesn’t quite stack up these days, but this neat little cove, overhung with precariously perched pines, is still wonderfully secluded. Two things not to forget: your snorkel (the clarity of the water is striking), and all the water/snacks/sangria you’ll need for the day. You don’t want to be traipsing back up the hill. If you overdo the sun, retreat to the shade of the adjacent Cap Roig botanical gardens. DC
Fly to Girona
18 Cala Aigua Blava
Costa Brava
In a rocky, pine-cloaked cove down the steep, hairpinned road from Begur, you’ll find the prettiest family beach on the Costa Brava. With fine sand, clear water, fabulous snorkelling and plenty of rocks from which to leap into the sea, it’s a popular spot, so the top tip is to get here early — when the car park is full, you’re not getting in. But not that early: this is Spain, remember, and the locals won’t be there before 11am. By that time, you’ll have set up camp and booked a table for a seafood lunch at the waterside Mar I Vent restaurant — run by the parador up on the cliff. CH
Fly to Girona
19 Playa de Valdevaqueros
Andalusia
If you’re on Playa de Valdevaqueros at sunset, you can watch the streetlights come on... in Tangier, 19 miles across the Strait of Gibraltar. To get there, follow the A2325 from Tarifa through Sahara-like dunes that threaten to bury the road. Suddenly they end, and as you emerge on the back of the beach, you realise exactly why this is called the Costa de la Luz (Coast of Light). You’ll also have noticed the poniente wind, so do what the locals do and camp out in the woods at the far end. Bring a picnic, because there are no facilities up here. CH
Fly to Jerez
20 Playa de los Genoveses
Almeria
Viewers of the Spanish TV channel Antena 3 voted this the country’s best beach in 2015, but if you woke up on Los Genoveses, you’d swear you were in the Atacama Desert. The sun-scorched, aloe-studded hills shrink from white volcanic rocks and there’s a perfect curve of shore. The bay is so shallow that you have to walk out hundreds of yards before you can swim, yet there’s a reef there that produces fun-sized waves — ideal for bodyboards. CH
Fly to Almeria
21 Las Salinas
Ibiza
Turn left beyond the fringe of pine trees and come with us on a journey through Ibiza’s own Planet Earth. All Ibicenco life sizzles on this mile-long ribbon of silky sand. Families stake out territory beside the pedalos. Yachtie totty with boats in the bay preen over G&Ts at the Jockey Club. Exotic species display at the DJ bar Sa Trinxa: boho fashionistas and the occasional exhibitionist clad only in a diamanté thong. Brilliant. JS
Fly to Ibiza
22 Aguas Blancas
Ibiza
The golden rule for the White Island in high season: follow the locals. With the south the preserve of 24-hour party people, the Spanish flee to the unspoilt north. And this 300yd stretch of fine, unblemished sand, hidden behind a wall of ochre cliffs, is well worth the road trip. It’s a beach of two halves: the north has families, couples and a (so-so) restaurant, the south hippies, nudists and a buzzy chiringuito where bocadillos (big sandwiches) and a hearty atmosphere are the house specialities. MM
Fly to Ibiza
23 Platja des Coll Baix
Mallorca
Unless you’re schmoozing around the Balearics on a boat, the only way to reach this snug stretch of beach, six miles from Alcudia, is on hand and foot. You ditch the car in the nearby nature reserve, then it’s a 45-minute clamber down through dust, pine trees and handsome cliffs. The water is turquoise, the sand is thick and visitors are minimal. Peace at last. FA
Fly to Palma
24 Platja des Talaier
Minorca
The water at this tiny, undeveloped cove on the island’s south coast is so clear that bathers appear to be floating in the air. The optical illusion of this playa traslucida has made it a favourite secret beach of the Spanish — and the secret is so well kept that it’s pretty much unknown to the Brits. It helps if you’ve got a boat to reach it, as the overland journey from Cala en Bosc involves a bit of a schlep: you need to dogleg inland via Torre Saura, park at Banyul beach, then hike east past Bellavista beach, through the pines to Es Talaier. Bring everything you need for the day, because there’s nowt here but beauty. CH
Fly to Mahon
25 Cala Pregonda
Minorca
This north Minorcan beauty is a test of resolve, and not just because it’s a 15-minute walk to get there. To experience it at its best, you’ll need to drag yourself past a first wedge of white sand, Cala Pregondo (note the spelling), then go over a low headland to access Cala Pregonda. See those wind-sculpted islets 100yd offshore? They’re in Minorca’s marine reserve. Swim over and you’ll find snorkelling nirvana, as well as a tiny secluded beach. JS
Fly to Mahon
PORTUGAL
26 Foz do Minho
Costa Verde
You get two beaches for the price of one in this spot at the northernmost tip of the Portuguese coast. On the left, the sugar-soft, surf-pounded sands of the Atlantic side, with views of the offshore fortress and the striking 1,118ft summit of Monte de Santa Tecla. On the right, the coarse sands and sheltered waters of the River Tagus, looking across to Spain. The whole thing is wrapped in a dense pine forest, and fed and watered by the superb beachside Forte da Insua restaurant. CH
Fly to Porto
27 Praia da Ribeira d’Ilhas
Ericeira
Never mind the fine sand. Forget even the new bar-restaurant, which has introduced beach-shack chic. You visit this notch in the cliffs to ride the most accessible wave of the only World Surf Reserve in Europe, a right-hand reef break of such consistency, you can see it unfurling almost mechanically on Google Earth. The price of point-break perfection is crowds — beginners should stick to the white water at low tide or book a lesson at the Blue Ocean Surf School. JS
Fly to Lisbon
28 Praia da Franquia
Alentejo
You’ll find not one but four magnificent beaches at Vila Nova de Milfontes, at the mouth of the wide River Mira on the Costa Vicentina, as well as one of the world’s great beach restaurants. First, there’s the Atlantic-facing Praia do Carreiro das Fazendas. Praia do Farol, with its forest of weird cairns, is home to the aforementioned driftwood superstar, the A Choupana beach bar. (Be sure to order grilled sardines and vinho rosé.) Nudists loll on the wild Praia das Furnas, across the Mira. But the best one, Praia da Franquia, is upriver, with soft sands and sheltered, shallow waters. CH
Fly to Lisbon or Faro
29 Praia da Amoreira
Algarve
Read our review in What makes the perfect beach?
30 Praia do Barranco do Martinho
Algarve
It might just be Europe’s most secret city beach. Drive south to the outskirts of Lagos until the road ends. Walk west till you can’t. Walk north till you see the knotted rope from which you’ll need to dangle to reach this W of sand wedged into orange cliffs. Students and beautiful backpackers are the dominant cohort. There’s a sea cave to play in at low tide. Bring your own beers. But not too many: there’s that rope to climb come sunset. MH
Fly to Faro
ITALY
31 Spiaggia del Principe
Sardinia
You’ll find the most beautiful beach on the Costa Smeralda, between Cappriccioli and Romazzino, on Sardinia’s northeast coast. Backed by maquis-covered hills, this curve of white sand with a rocky outcrop and clear blue shallows, is a water park built by God. Sadly, in summer it can get stupidly crowded, but come in June or September and you can have it to yourself. To get there, follow Romazzino’s Via dei Ciclamini seawards and park next to the sandy path leading down to the beach. CH
Fly to Olbia
32 Senigallia
Le Marche
Look out to the water’s edge from the terrace of the two-Michelin-starred Uliassi and you’ll see little old men with fishing rods catching your lunch. Seafood doesn’t get any better than the extraordinary dishes served up here. Leave the kids to build sandcastles on the family-friendly sands while you get to grips with the fabulous 16-course tasting menu: highlights include pink prawn with mandarin and sea urchin fusilli (menus from £80; uliassi.it). MAO
Fly to Ancona
33 Tordigliano
Amalfi
Uncluttered is hard to come by on this glorious coastline, so the locals have tried hard to keep the perfect pebbled sweep west of Positano all to themselves. How have they done that? By making it dashed awkward to get to. You’ll need a boat (beg a lift at one of the nearby marinas) or enough nerve to scramble down the mile-long hillside trail from the SS163. You’ll thank us, we promise. MAO
Fly to Naples
34 Baia dei Turchi
Puglia
Puglia is all about the beach — when it’s not about the olive oil — and this is the prettiest on Italy’s heel. We confess, it gets crowded in August, but the rest of the year you’ll be hanging with Otranto’s hardcore nonnas (average age: 85), who make the journey north for a shot of the best beach-shack iced espresso €1 can buy. Park up before you reach the aromatic pinewoods, then follow the sound of gossip down to the bright blue bay. MAO
Fly to Brindisi
35 Marianelli
Sicily
If it’s wildlife you’re after — redshanks, curlews, avocets, egrets, spoonbills and, ahem, naked bottoms — Marianelli has the finest selection in all Sicily. It smells pretty good, too, with wild thyme and rosemary growing in the dunes. At the northern end of the Vendicari Nature Reserve, this tranquil stretch of sandy beach welcomes twitchers, naturists and sun-seekers equally warmly. Best leave the ghetto blaster at home. MAO
Fly to Comiso
CROATIA
36 Sveti Ivan
Cres
The north coast of Croatia isn’t short of untamed beaches, but Sveti Ivan is the pick. This wild sliver of white shingle and cobalt shallows is a 45-minute walk from the nearest town (and feels more like twice that on the way back up), so solitude is all but guaranteed. For another thing, that town is Lubenice, a Unesco-listed hilltop hamlet dating back 4,000 years, where the Konoba Hibernicia cafe is the perfect spot for an après-beach rakija brandy. JL
Fly to Rijeka, then take the ferry (1hr 25min)
37 Stiniva
Vis
Croatia’s most distant main island means Robinson Crusoe escapism, and nowhere on Vis does it better than this wild cove, accessed by steep trail or by taxi-boat from Komiza. Imagine an amphitheatre of cliffs (there’s always shade), floored with smooth pebbles and calm sea: a narrow notch leading out to the deeper Adriatic. Now furnish it with a fisherman’s shack taverna. Magic. The catch? Boat tours. Arrive early in high season. JS
Fly to Split, then take the ferry (2hr 20min)
38 Zlatni Rat
Brac
The name is as unforgettable as the pictures of this pristine arrowhead-shaped spit, protruding from Brac’s southern shore. This is a plonk-and-laze beach, given the sink factor of the fine pebbles, though its social media-friendly aesthetics can make it rather busy. There are (pay) toilets, as well as parasols and loungers for hire. Don’t be tempted by the overpriced snacks; a delightful 20-minute stroll through the pines is Bol, with its excellent tavernas. DC
Fly to Split, then take the ferry (50min)
39 Sunj
Lopud
Smart people, aristocrats. Three centuries ago, they escaped Dubrovnik’s summer crush to tiny Lopud. While they holidayed in its lovely harbour, the colour of old ivory, you should traverse the island on a herb-scented path to Sunj for a day of simple pleasures: shallow seas that are safe for tots, a palm-thatch bar and a scimitar of sand fine enough for castles. Ferry timetables show Dubrovnik’s an hour away. It feels like decades. JS
Fly to Dubrovnik, then take the ferry (1hr)
GREECE
40 Agni Bay
Corfu, Ionian Islands
The crowds flock to Corfu’s buxom sands, leaving the limpid pebble cove of Agni, scooped out of the rugged northeast coast, for the cool kids. The surrounding forest of cypresses and olives tint the water a magical green, and three seafood tavernas can hook you up with a boat to putter along the idyllic shore. In May, linger in the moonlight to take the short path to the next cove for a secret light show of fireflies and phosphorescence. DF
Fly to Corfu
41 Voutoumi
Antipaxos, Ionian Islands
At 400ft long, Voutoumi is the biggest of the half-dozen beaches on Antipaxos, with smooth white pebbles above the waterline and soft white sand below for your convenience. Stavros, who runs the beach taverna, will rent you a pair of beds and a parasol for £8 — refundable if you eat with him — but it’s the mesmerising clarity of the pale blue water that you’ll remember. CH
Fly to Corfu, then take the hydrofoil to Paxos
42 Porto Katsiki
Lefkas, Ionian Islands
Want to bask on this gleaming white crescent sloping into neon-blue water? You’ll have to work for it. First, navigate hairpin bends from the main road, then negotiate the perilously steep cliff-face staircase to the shore — stonier than it was before the 2015 earthquake, but still stunning. Few people bother, and that’s why this beach is never crowded. Sunbathing will be punctuated by the occasional crescendo as a boat trip arrives to be served hot doughnuts from the clifftop taverna. Then they leave and it’s just you and the shallows. AH
Fly to Preveza; Lefkas is connected to the mainland by a causeway
43 Gidaki
Ithaca, Ionian islands
You can reach Gidaki by daily water taxi from Vathi or walk the 1½-mile trail from Mnimata. Follow the coastline, then make the short climb through pine woods. A sublime crescent of cliff-flanked beach will reveal itself. There’s a beach shack if you’ve worked up an appetite, but really all you need is your cossie, for bobbing about in the sheltered waters. SE
Fly to Cephalonia, then take the ferry from Sami (40min)
44 Navagio
Zakynthos, Ionian Islands
One of the most photographed beaches on earth, Navagio is the white-sand cove on the west coast of the island, with the wreck of a smugglers’ ship rusting in the middle. (At least according to lcoal legend: it’s actually a freighter that ran aground in 1980.) It’s enclosed by 900ft limestone cliffs, so the only sensible way in is by boat. It has no taverna and no loos, so you may not want to spend all day here, but the juxtaposition of natural perfection with human error leaves a lasting impression. The boat in leaves from Agios Nikolaos. CH
Fly to Zakynthos
45 Voidokilia
Peloponnese
No hawkers, no tavernas, no jet skis. Here in Messinia, the main distraction is simply to marvel that nature has managed to carve out a beach that’s such an impossibly perfect crescent. The Ionian is thrillingly clear here, and seductively calm, and the sand is powder-fine. It’s an easy pootle to the lagoon to spot flamingos, or there’s a proper hike up to the ruins of a 13th-century castle. Sd’A
Fly to Kalamata
46 Maratha
Skiathos, Sporades
The island’s best beaches jut from the road running west from Skiathos Town, and are all served by the local bus. Maratha (bus stop 20) is the one you hope others won’t find. Tucked behind swaying pines, and therefore easy to miss, this hush-hush sliver has padded loungers, lucent waters, toilets, few kids and a beach bar that whips up a contender for best Greek salad on the island. Come before 10am to secure said lounger. KL
Fly to Skiathos
47 Paliorema
Milos, Cyclades
Like a little industrial chic with your beach? The sun- and dust-bleached remnants of an abandoned sulphur mine may not sound like the most inviting of backdrops, but Paliorema is oddly charming and hauntingly atmospheric, with a beautiful little arc of sand and some of the clearest waters we’ve encountered. Park on the clifftop and walk down the switchback path. Come fully laden, as the tiny hamlet of Zefyria, four miles away, is the nearest sign of life. DC
Fly to Milos via Athens
48 Ambeli
Folegandros, Cyclades
Rocky Folegandros can be summed up as: pretty church up a hill, one proper road and some lovely little beaches. There’s barely enough shingle to sling a towel down on our favourite, Ambeli, but go early, ideally in May, and it could be, for at least half an hour or so, your private Med beach. Bring water shoes for rock-clambering and a snorkel for the clear waters. Attack the climb back up its steep track or you’ll find yourself in an awkward stalled-hire-car situation. MH
Fly to Milos via Athens, then take the ferry (1hr)
49 Seychelles Beach
Ikaria, North Aegean Islands
When Ikaria’s savage south coast was dynamited for a tunnel, it opened access to a beach so stunning that local wags immediately dubbed it “Seychelles”. Transparent turquoise water laps its silver and gold pebbles, amid granite formations that were made for basking. Pack supplies and take the short boat hop from the nearby village of Manganitis, or park by the tunnel and scramble — wear trainers — 15 minutes down the rocky path. DF
Fly to Ikaria via Athens
50 Sougia
Crete
Tucked away in the island’s southwest corner, Sougia is a laid-back hippie paradise that’s a world away from raving millennials. One end is inhabited by long-stay campers; at the other, a ferry plies the coastline, where mountains plunge into the aquamarine sea. The beach cafe is run by a wizened fisherman who sits untangling his lines with a beer to hand. Dine on deliciously fresh marine life. Feeling energetic? You can rent a clear-bottomed kayak from the German woman sitting under a tree — the only shade around. AT
Fly to Chania
Beaches chosen by Francesca Angelini, Duncan Craig, Vincent Crump, Susan d’Arcy, Sara Evans, Dana Facaros, Chris Haslam, Martin Hemming, Alessia Horwich, Jeremy Lazell, Kate Leahy, Matt Munday, Mia Aimaro Ogden, Anthony Peregrine, James Stewart, Alison Thomson and Oliver Thring
What they like to do beside the seaside
The French
Suspicion should be reserved for a nation that banned burkinis from the beach, but has yet to call for legal action against leathery grand-pères playing boules in sagging, high-risk pairs of smugglers de budgie, writes Martin Hemming. (For “hygiene reasons”, some French pools and campsites go as far as requiring chaps to wear Speedos, not swim shorts.) On the Côte d’Azur, certain effortless, cosmopolitan, haute couture standards are expected: big sunglasses and expensive kaftans; pink shirts and deck shoes. Call it Philip Green chic. Blue and white hoops are a cliché, but commonplace, which is good news for Queens Park Rangers fans. In the Pas-de-Calais, Brittany and Normandy, where the weather’s likely to be no better than in Norfolk, a thick fisherman’s rollneck and a technical base layer should be in your beach bag.
The Spanish
You’ve no chance in the suave stakes when faced with the sight of a Spanish businessman, after a hard day in the office (plus three hours off for lunch), stripping down to his cossie on the sand, leaving his slim-cut suit and tie in a softly folded pile on top of his handmade brogues, then wading out into the waves. Similarly, the odds are high of getting an invite to join the 11-a-side football match that’s in progress. They have the skills to avoid the 200 families sunbathing oblivious in the middle of their pitch; you almost certainly don’t. Stick to trying to break your keepie-uppies record in the dunes, and just concentrate on not falling over when you get changed under your towel.
The Portuguese
Kindred spirits, the Portuguese. Their beaches are on the Atlantic, not the smug shores of the Med. It’s pleasing to see olive-limbed southern Europeans embrace the stripy windbreak with the same enthusiasm as a Bexhill-on-Sea granny. But while Beryl’s eating beef paste and sand sandwiches in Sussex, Cristiano and co are retiring to the restaurant by the car park for a long lunch of octopus stew washed down with a bottle or two of red per person. They might then follow the age-old Portuguese coastal tradition of beber e dirigir (drink driving). No need to join in with that one: pass out on the sand till the Atlantic breezes have sobered you up.
The Italians
It’s Europe’s most chaotic country. Look at the way they drive/vote. Yet, for some reason, the only thing they can be bothered to organise — and it’s a thing that really doesn’t need organising — is the beach. Hence the terrifying, fascistic rows upon rows of sunbeds patrolled by fee-collecting attendants. You half expect your afternoon nap to be interrupted by the voice of Mussolini coming over a Tannoy, telling you to wake up and do some press-ups for the good of the nation. If they ran the rest of their country with the same rigour, they’d be, well, German.
Women, know that the local gentlemenfolk will ogle without shame. It’s up to you whether you take this as an emboldening compliment or as a degrading anti-feminist violation. Chaps, if that’s your wife/girlfriend/sister/daughter, whether you weigh in or ignore it, you’re on a hiding to nothing.
The Croats
They have some lovely beaches (see Nos 36-39), but fair play to the Croats for not being precious. As long as they’re next to some sea, they’re just as happy sprawled on a plug of concrete wedged between sharp rocks. Head for the “beach” at Opatija if you’re after the full “overspill car park” bathing experience.
The Greeks
Perhaps it’s their Olympian spirit, their need for competition stretching back to the time the Titans took on Zeus. How else to explain the Greeks’ masochistic approach to sunbathing? Find most exposed bit of beach; wait for hottest part of day; laugh at any suggestion of sunblock; smear on the olive oil; lie on back; toast; flip; toast some more. You should stick to the shade and wear a hat.
One more thing: collective responsibility should be taken by the Greek nation for its unwillingness to crack down on seaside taverna owners’ overuse of the Greek idiom “Luverly jubbly mate innit”.
...and the Germans
It’s partly because their own beaches are rubbish. But, gosh, they get about, the Germans. Whichever beach you’re on in Europe, however remote and off the beaten track, there will almost certainly be a couple from Baden-Württemberg popping out from behind the rocks to wish you “Guten Tag”. Let’s face it, they’re adventurous, open-minded and well travelled, and they know all the best places to sunbathe. You’ll probably end up having dinner with them in their caravan.