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The Secrets of Happy Families: Improve Your Mornings, Tell Your Family History, Fight Smarter, Go...Merchant Video

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The Secrets of Happy Families: Improve Your Mornings, Tell Your Family History, Fight Smarter, Go Out and Play, and Much More Paperback – December 31, 2013

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4.5 601 ratings

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In The Secrets of Happy Families, New York Times bestselling author Bruce Feiler has drawn up a blueprint for modern families — a new approach to family dynamics, inspired by cutting-edge techniques gathered from experts in the disciplines of science, business, sports, and the military.

Don't worry about family dinner.
Let your kids pick their punishments.
Ditch the sex talk.
Cancel date night.

These are just a few of the surprising innovations in this bold first-of-its-kind playbook for today's families. Bestselling author and New York Times family columnist Bruce Feiler found himself squeezed between caring for aging parents and raising his children. So he set out on a three-year journey to find the smartest solutions and the most cutting-edge research about families.

Instead of the usual family "experts," he sought out the most creative minds—from Silicon Valley to the set of Modern Family, from the country's top negotiators to the Green Berets—and asked them what team-building exercises and problem-solving techniques they use with their families. Feiler then tested these ideas with his wife and kids. The result is a fun, original look at how families can draw closer together, complete with 200 never-before-seen best practices.

Feiler's life-changing discoveries include a radical plan to reshape your family in twenty minutes a week, Warren Buffett's guide for setting an allowance, and the Harvard handbook for resolving conflict. The Secrets of Happy Families is a timely, counterintuitive book that answers the questions countless parents are asking: How do we manage the chaos of our lives? How do we teach our kids values? How do we make our family happier?

Written in a charming, accessible style, The Secrets of Happy Families is smart, funny, and fresh, and will forever change how your family lives every day.

Editorial Reviews

Review

“Infused with humor and authenticity. ... Feiler’s unique perspective and voice... sets it apart from other work in both the parenting and happiness genres.” — Yahoo

“This is the best book I’ve read about how to transform families. … Run, don’t walk, to get a copy” — NBC Latino

“Makes even the most skeptical parent sit up and take note” — BONNIE ROCHMAN for Time.com

“Refreshing. ... Feiler has an engaging stlye.” — Washington Post

“I loved this book because it really is a new playbook for the modern-day family, something to counteract the chaos of the digital age.” — Lyss Stern, creator of Divalysscious Moms and author of If You Give a Mom a Martini

“Not your run-of-the-mill parenting manual. … A practical, entertaining playbook that upends some of the most accepted wisdom in family-rearing today.” — Outside magazine

“A self-help book with teeth, loaded with examples. ... The Secrets of Happy Families is comprehensive and clear, a how-to guide for dads who may not have realized they needed one. — Daddylibrium

From the Back Cover

The book that revolutionized our view of what makes families happy . . .

Determined to find the smartest solutions and the most cutting-edge research about families, bestselling author and New York Times family columnist Bruce Feiler gathered team-building exercises and problem-solving techniques from the most creative minds—from Silicon Valley to the Green Berets—and tested these ideas with his wife and kids. The result is a lively, original look at how we can create stronger parent/child relationships, manage the chaos of our lives, teach our kids values and grit, and have more fun together.

The Secrets of Happy Families includes more than two hundred unique practices that will help your family draw closer and make everyone in your home happier. It has already changed the lives of millions of families, and it can do the same for yours.

Product details

Publisher ‏ : ‎ William Morrow Paperbacks; Reprint edition (December 31, 2013)
Language ‏ : ‎ English
Paperback ‏ : ‎ 320 pages
ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0061778745
ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0061778742
Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 2.31 pounds
Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.31 x 0.72 x 8 inches

Best Sellers Rank: #334,503 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #607 in Family Conflict Resolution
- #628 in Conflict Management
- #4,097 in Happiness Self-Help

Customer Reviews:
4.5 601 ratings

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Bruce Feiler

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BRUCE FEILER is the author of of seven New York Times bestsellers, including LIFE IS IN THE TRANSITIONS, THE SECRETS OF HAPPY FAMILIES, and COUNCIL OF DADS. His three TED Talks have been viewed more than four million times, and he teaches the TED Course HOW TO MASTER LIFE TRANSITIONS. His latest book, THE SEARCH: Finding Meaningful Work in a Post-Career World (May 2023), is a bold new roadmap for finding meaning and purpose at work, based on insights drawn from hundreds of life stories of all vocations and backgrounds.

Employing a firsthand approach to his work, Bruce is known for living the experiences he writes about. His work combines timeless wisdom with timely knowledge to encourage people to live with more meaning, passion, and joy. LIFE IS IN THE TRANSITIONS describes his journey across America, collecting hundreds of life stories, exploring how we can navigate life’s growing number of life transitions with purpose and skill. “One of those books that’s so profoundly aligned with the zeitgeist that you end up underlining the whole book,” Arianna Huffington wrote in Thrive Global. “Bruce Feiler is the perfect person to lead us on this journey.” The book was a Top 10 New York Times bestseller.

Bruce has long explored the intersection of families, relattionships, health, and happiness. THE SECRETS OF HAPPY FAMILIES collects best practices from some of the country’s most creative minds. The book was featured on World News, GMA, and TODAY and excerpted in the Wall Street Journal and Parade. THE COUNCIL OF DADS describes how faced with one of life’s greatest challenges, he asked six friends to support his daughters. The book was profiled in PEOPLE, USA Today, and Time and was the subject of a CNN documentary.

For over two decades, Bruce has been one of the country’s preeminent thinkers about the role of spiritualtty in contemporary life. WALKING THE BIBLE describes his perilous, 10,000-mile journey retracing the Five Books of Moses through the desert. The book was hailed as an “instant classic” by the Washington Post, spent a year and a half on the New York Times bestseller list, and has been translated into fifteen languages. ABRAHAM recounts his personal search for the shared ancestor of the monotheistic religions. “Exquisitely written,” wrote the Boston Globe. WHERE GOD WAS BORN describes his trek visiting biblical sites throughout Israel, Iraq, and Iran. “Bruce Feiler is a real-life Indiana Jones,” wrote the Atlanta Journal-Constitution. All were bestsellers.

Bruce is the host of two primetime series on PBS: WALKING THE BIBLE (“Beguiling,” Wall Street Journal) and SACRED JOURNEYS WITH BRUCE FEILER, in which he retraces pilgrimages in France, India, Japan, Israel, Nigeria, and Saudi Arabia. (“Feiler is the p

A longtime contributor to the New York Times, Bruce has written for numerous publications, including The New Yorker, The Wall Street Journal, Harvard Business Review, and Gourmet, where he won three James Beard Awards. A former circus clown, he has been the subject of Jay Leno joke and a JEOPARDY! question, and his face appears on a postage stamp in the Grenadines.

A native of Savannah, Georgia, Bruce lives in Brooklyn with wife, Linda Rottenberg, and their identical twin daughters. For more information, please visit www.brucefeiler.com.

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601 global ratings

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Customers find the book provides helpful advice and plans for improving family functioning. They appreciate the author's unique approach to solving common family problems. The book is described as an easy, conversational read with simple yet insightful ideas. Readers find the story engaging and humorous. However, opinions differ on the reference material, with some finding it a great source while others feel it lacks guidance.

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Advice Readability Enjoyment Reference material

107 customers mention "Advice"107 positive0 negative

Customers find the book provides useful advice and plans to help their families function well. It offers a unique approach to solving typical family problems. The book is informative and inspiring, providing resources to implement concepts. Readers say the stories and histories help them better understand their kids.

"...OMG! What a great management tool! My staff was happy to be engaged in a casual discussion that really illuminated some issues!..." Read more

"...particularly intriguing the sections on “family branding,” family weekly meetings, and the need for having close relationships with extended family...." Read more

"...The weekly meeting has been an incredibly inspiring addition to our family...." Read more

"...There's lot of very practical, straight forward stuff. I'm a programmer, so I identified immediately with the whole agile approach...." Read more

43 customers mention "Readability"43 positive0 negative

Customers find the book easy to read and helpful. They appreciate the conversational writing style and how the information is arranged in an organized way. The insights and ideas are simple but not common knowledge, making it worth reading.

"...Yet, I powered on. I was rewarded with an author who writes engagingly and very well...." Read more

"...On the whole, though, this was a quick read with some useful ideas. I would recommend it and expect to revisit it myself in the future." Read more

"...This seemed easy to me at first but I am challenged by fitting in exercise for the 4-year old on a non pre school day in the winter...." Read more

"...For me, it just gave the book a very fresh and compelling voice. I'm sure everything in it won't work for everyone. But there's a lot of stuff here...." Read more

17 customers mention "Enjoyment"17 positive0 negative

Customers find the book entertaining and interesting. They appreciate the humorous, relatable story with helpful advice. Readers mention that the book has intriguingly titled chapters and provides a unique perspective.

"...read the book cover to cover, or you can browse through the intriguingly titled chapters...." Read more

"It's an interesting book, somethings are genius, somethings are too simplistic, and somethings are a rehash of old ideas (that work)...." Read more

"This was an interesting book...." Read more

"...in the home, inspire perseverance and resiliency, and make life more fun no matter what." Read more

7 customers mention "Reference material"4 positive3 negative

Customers have mixed views on the reference material. Some find it informative with references to other sources, describing it as a great source. Others feel it's not a self-help book and expected more guidance.

"...Feiler is the Dan Pink of family life, drawing in references from diverse sources, to make the case that there are many dimensions to a happy family..." Read more

"...with information from today's social scientists, but it is not a how- to book, rather what studies suggest is helpful family behavior." Read more

"...The book is just full of information, along with references to other sources...." Read more

"Good book, expected a little more guidance....." Read more

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Berkeley Alice
Good ideas presented in an easy-to-digest format
Reviewed in the United States on February 23, 2013
Verified Purchase
As a rule, I HATE touchy-feely, feel good, self-help, inspirational books. I'm too contrary for most management books as I think they are manipulative, and by definition, focus on management, rather than the value of the workers. In other words, this book would normally have not graced my cart but for having heard Mr Feiler being interviewed on NPR. I was so impressed that I immediately ordered the book.

When I received the book, and read Mr Feiler's bio and the list of other books he's written, I almost put down the book again. I am not a Christian, and I find books that seek to solve problems with faith are simplistic at best. Yet, I powered on. I was rewarded with an author who writes engagingly and very well.

I am not a scientist, a researcher, nor a management maven, nor am I working in a large business or corporate setting, so I was unaware of some of these practices. Further, I've been the first one to pooh-pooh mission statements as being top down generated crap. Yesterday, using Mr Feiler's family meeting suggestions, I asked my staff what well in our office this week? I was surprised by some of the answers. What went wrong in our office this week? This answer was not a surprise to me, but was good to discuss. What will we be working on next week? We came up with a new schedule for training that my staff felt was important.

OMG! What a great management tool! My staff was happy to be engaged in a casual discussion that really illuminated some issues! Next week, we're going to work on our mission statement. What defines our beliefs as an office family? I now realize this is so important because it tells my staff what I think is important and gives them a compass when I'm not there. Then, a client came in talking about how his son doesn't understand what's important to him. I immediately gave him my book.

The Secrets may not be so secret. The Secrets may be simplistic. The Secrets may not be using the latest scientific knowledge. However, there's enough good stuff here that I will be ordering five more copies immediately!

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Oddsfish
I read Bruce Feiler’s The Secrets of Happy Families ahead of the birth of my first child ...
Reviewed in the United States on July 15, 2016
Verified Purchase
I read Bruce Feiler’s The Secrets of Happy Families ahead of the birth of my first child (which is still a month away), and so, to be honest, I’m not in the target audience for the book. Plus, seeing as the large majority of the book concerns a life with kids, I’m far from the most qualified person to assess it. So, I could well be revising my opinion over Feiler’s work as the years go on. Nevertheless, as of now, I found it very interesting, full of ideas that I would consider implementing in the future.

The book’s premise seemed to me, once I read the introduction, to be a silly one. The author proposed to look at insights from different careers and fields of study to see how they could improve family life. For instance, how would a professional trained in conflict resolution deal with family arguments? How would a green beret build a sense of “team” in the family? This sounded pretty ridiculous (the team one still didn’t work for me) until I read the first chapter and began to see the specific ideas these people had. I found particularly intriguing the sections on “family branding,” family weekly meetings, and the need for having close relationships with extended family. Many sections of the book have original ideas, and Feiler has done his best to support them with relevant research. I think that almost all families would find some useful and helpful ideas here.

My only criticism of the book is that it definitely seemed to trail off at the end. This section largely had to do with entertainment. Some of the advice was just week or obvious (the creators of Farmville suggest playing “20 Questions” on car trips). Even Feiler seemed to think that the idea about making family trips more like an extreme competition (think: Amazing Race) was a little absurd.

On the whole, though, this was a quick read with some useful ideas. I would recommend it and expect to revisit it myself in the future.

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Reader13
Love the weekly meetings
Reviewed in the United States on March 14, 2013
Verified Purchase
I am 3/4 through the book and I have already put some of the tactics to work in our family.

I have 2 boys who are four and seven years old. The weekly meeting has been an incredibly inspiring addition to our family. Our first week they suggested we work on listening the first time because we (the parents) don't usually do that, according to them. Ha! The reward was a toy and the punishment if one had to ask more than once was 10 jumping jacks. It really helped the kids realize that they are way more guilty of making us ask for things repeatedly than we are. This weeks work is to exercise at least 40 minutes a day. This seemed easy to me at first but I am challenged by fitting in exercise for the 4-year old on a non pre school day in the winter. We actually wrestled and ran around the house yesterday. Reward, again, is a toy and the punishment is ten push ups. I wish the book had more suggestions for kid friendly rewards and punishments. Perhaps a companion book will come out with ideas.

We've also come up with a family flow chart with To Do's and Done's so they whole family can take part in our daily chores. The kids are actually arguing over who gets to wipe the dinner table!

The sibling rivalry chapter also helped out. I am now more conscious of how much fun they have together in comparison to arguing.

The sex chapter was particularly interesting with how Joyce McFadden suggests talking about sex from a very early age without any taboos. I will definitely be reading her book, My Daughter's Bedroom, too.

Anyway, I will update my review once I finish the book completely. I can't say enough good things about it.

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Amazon Customer
Even ppl without children should read this
Reviewed in Canada on March 30, 2021
Verified Purchase
I loved this book!

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manoo
Geniales Buch
Reviewed in Germany on January 2, 2019
Verified Purchase
Wer einen wirklich fundierten, erfrischenden und hilfreichen Ratgeber zum Theme Familie, Ehe und Kindererziehung sucht, der hat mit diesem Buch eine Goldgrube gefunden. Ich habe es schon sehr oft verschenkt. Schade ist allein, dass es bisher keine deutsche Übersetzung davon gibt.

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dave
programmer help ...
Reviewed in Italy on January 14, 2016
Verified Purchase
I am programmer
and a dad
Let's put together these 2 things and we have this book
very cool and full of nice ideas

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s
Les familles heureuses le sont toutes de la même manière
Reviewed in France on June 30, 2014
Verified Purchase
Mais la manière d'atteindre ce bonheur est à chaque fois différente.
Ce livre est à lire en couple (chacun son tour) pour ne plus s'arrêter à des disputes stériles. Autour d'une vingtaine d'activités différentes, Bruce Feiler propose les moyens de construire et de développer le bonheur dans votre famille. La plupart des idées sont simples (si simples !). Autour d'exemples et de cas particulier expliquant la mise en place, l'auteur montre la manière de repenser les aspects (qui a dit pénible ?) du quotidien : des repas, aux "discussions", des réunions de familles aux activités.
La démarche est bonne est le mot d'ordre est claire : prenez ce qui vous intéresse, car c'est avant tout une boite à outil qui est à votre disposition. Et vous n'avez (presque) plus de raisons de ne pas être une famille heureuse.

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Miss Flamand
Great inspiration
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on August 9, 2013
Verified Purchase
Bruce Feiler is an inspiration, his books do justice to the great speaker he is. The Secrets of Happy Families is a brilliant insight into how family life can be different, with great and easy to apply principles.

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5.0 out of 5 stars Good ideas presented in an easy-to-digest format

4.0 out of 5 stars I read Bruce Feiler’s The Secrets of Happy Families ahead of the birth of my first child ...

5.0 out of 5 stars Love the weekly meetings

Top reviews from other countries

5.0 out of 5 stars Even ppl without children should read this

5.0 out of 5 stars Geniales Buch

5.0 out of 5 stars programmer help ...

4.0 out of 5 stars Les familles heureuses le sont toutes de la même manière

5.0 out of 5 stars Great inspiration

Good ideas presented in an easy-to-digest format

I read Bruce Feiler’s The Secrets of Happy Families ahead of the birth of my first child ...

Love the weekly meetings

Even ppl without children should read this

Geniales Buch

programmer help ...

Les familles heureuses le sont toutes de la même manière

Great inspiration