for sale. never used. fat cock

i see ur “humans are the wimps of the universe” and ur “humans are considered super cute by the universe” and even ur “humans are the pants shittingly scary fae/orcs of the universe” meta and i raise u this

humans are the horses of the universe

Explain

-ppl have a varied concept of horses ranging from “what a beautiful perfect cute majestic creature” to “that thing is way to big and way to freaky looking and way too scary” to “yep that sure is a thing that exists that im used to”

-horses r equal parts very powerful but very fragile (and while i dont consider humans fragile, in fact we’re obscenely durable, but thats what makes humans “powerful” in this comparison; what makes them “fragile” is our ((in comparison to most other life on earth)) relatively dull senses/capabilities; but again, our Super Cool Capability is that we’re SERIOUSLY REALLY FREAKISHLY DURABLE)

-we love friends!!! wow!!! friends!!! friends are the best!!! and if youre not a friend go fuck yourself

-somehow equal parts scared of everything and way way way too foolhardy

it is late and i am tired and somehow this made sense to me

Horses and humans both get spooked by silly, familiar things if you didn’t expect them. (freezing at seeing yourself in the mirror because you forgot there was a mirror and you thought someone else was in the house) 

Horses and humans both indulge in self-destructive habits out of boredom. (fence sucking, or binge eating/anime/exercising/sleeping) 

Horses and humans both come in ‘Incredibly athletic’ and ‘incredibly lazy/weak’ varieties. 

Horses and humans both have widely varied personalities, from ‘Hello friends let me help everyone! curiosity!!’ to ‘I know you are kind and gentle but fuck off m8 i’ll bite u for no damn reason asshole’ 

Horses and Humans both require special footwear to keep their little toes safe from sharp and hard things in artificial landscapes. 

Horses and Humans both enjoy ridiculous bouncing about when they’re with friends, and it’s nice out. 

Horses and Humans are both quite sturdy animals, and can carry things for long distances. 

However, Horses and Humans are sometimes whiny about it, and might puff up their stomach/feign tiredness to get out of extra work, despite being perfectly capable of it. 

Horses and Humans are perfectly happy to lay in the grass and stare at the sky when relaxed, kicking their legs out and giving big sighs because everything is okay with the world. 

Horses and Humans both look awesome with braided updos. 

I, as an active horse person for 20 years, can confirm.

Just ‘cause I’m capable of carrying things for a long distance doesn’t mean I want to spend my time doing it fuck off

“Mum was tired of the squirrel stealing all the bird food, so she greased the pole.”

(via PattyWobbles)

I like big boys

itty bitty boys

Mississippi boys

inner city boys

I like the pretty boys with the bow tie

Get your nails did, let it blow dry

I like a big beard

I like a clean face

I don’t discriminate, come and get a taste
From the playboys

to the gay boys

Go and slay, boys, you my fave boys

Disney films: Look! Representation!

Cartoon Network, Nickelodeon, Netflix, PBS, hell, even Disney Channel: Look! Representation!