Twinkle Khanna on ‘comparison’ between her daughter Nitara and son Aarav’s skin colour; breaking harmful beauty norms at home

Recalling a moment of pride when visiting a beach with her children, Khanna spoke about how Nitara has accepted her skin tone and looks at the brighter side of having a darker skin tone. “So eventually, one day, I think my proudest moment was when she was sitting with her brother, and we were going to the beach, and he was putting on sunblock. She said ‘I don’t really need so much sunblock because my skin is greater than yours’. And she said a white T-shirt gets dirty, but a brown T-shirt doesn’t. You can’t see it so I am greater. So I thought that was a triumph,” she said.

Beauty standards, particularly those related to skin colour, can impact a child’s self-esteem and sense of identity. It’s crucial for parents to recognise these harmful comparisons and take steps to dismantle them, helping children embrace their natural features and grow up with confidence. 

Psychological effects of comparing children’s physical appearances

Sonal Khangarot, licensed rehabilitation counsellor and psychotherapist, The Answer Room, says, “When a child is compared based on physical attributes like skin colour, height, or body weight, they often internalise the message that their worth is tied to their appearance. Research shows that such comparisons can lead to feelings of inadequacy, lower self-esteem, and even body dysmorphia.”

A child who grows up hearing comments like, “You are darker than your sibling” or “Why can’t you be fairer like [someone else]?” may internalise these remarks as a deficiency. This often results in lifelong struggles with self-worth. 

The human mind, especially a child’s, Khangarot says, is like a sponge — absorbing and holding onto the words and messages it encounters. “Harmful comparisons seep in quickly, shaping beliefs about identity and self-value that can persist well into adulthood. Parents and caregivers must challenge these destructive standards and foster environments where children are celebrated for their individuality, not compared for their appearance.”

Parents, as primary caregivers, hold the power to rewrite the narrative and dismantle harmful beauty standards. (Source: Freepik)

How can parents foster an environment that celebrates diversity in physical appearances

Khangarot notes, “Parents, as primary caregivers, can rewrite the narrative and dismantle harmful beauty standards. By celebrating diversity at home, they can challenge the cookie-cutter definition of beauty.” Instead of highlighting differences in a negative light, parents can normalise and appreciate them. Twinkle Khanna’s reframing of Nitara’s skin colour as “golden” serves as a perfect example of how empowering language can reshape perceptions. Such affirmations not only validate a child’s individuality but also instill confidence, fostering a sense of self-worth that stands resilient against societal pressures.

Encouraging children to celebrate their uniqueness begins with setting an example and fostering positive conversations. Show them inspiring role models who embraced their natural skin tones despite facing relentless trolling. Their stories serve as powerful reminders that confidence and self-acceptance can triumph over societal judgment, concludes Khangarot.