As we get older holidays become more complicated, especially you have time to think about them. This year I am excited, we are going home to my mom's for Christmas and I can't wait. It's an interesting time, because I know I have high hopes of going and feeling Christmas like I used to, but I also know that it will never feel like it used to- am I setting myself up for failure? (I've got a plan for that too...
My Merry Christmas List )
Sometimes it is hard adulting when you don't actually ever feel like the adult in the room. The Hubby and I have no kids, not for lack of trying, praying, bargaining, etc... you can read all about that story here:
Why I do what I do! ) But when you don't have children, you are still the children- we don't have little people running around the house needing us, we aren't required to have a set dinner time, toast at 8pm while binge watching Netflix is actually
not a 'no no'. When you've got kids, you've got other responsibilities... at the moment, the only things I need to keep alive are my Hubby (and generally he can forage for himself), Timothy the Dog, and a few house plants... So Christmas here is a little different.
I have this belief that when you reach a certain age, most couples have children to relive the wonder through their eyes... Christmas time is especially difficult for me... Don't get me wrong, I love Christmas, I love everything about it, but I've always got this underlying sadness that I just can't seem to shake...
I have to guard myself agains falling into a season of despair and frustration, because that makes me no fun for anyone around the holidays...
I love this song by Third Day, and I try to keep it in mind... the feelings that I feel are not unique- other's may feel this way too. I never quite understood how the holidays could be hard on people when I was younger, my how the years can you teach you all sorts of things... now I get it... now I understand. But now I also know that I need to focus on gratitude... focus on the beauty, focus on the hope...focus on Jesus... the true meaning of Christmas...
Although I want to feel Christmas like it used to be... I know- it is probably not possible... but one certainly can hope... and hope I do.
I want to feel Christmas, how it used to be
With all of its wonder falling on me
This season has felt so empty, oh, for quite a while
I want to feel Christmas like a child
I want to see snowflakes fall to the ground
My brothers and sisters all gathered around
Singing, "Away In A Manager" as we sit by the fire
I want to feel Christmas like a child
It's been so long now, I can't say
Just when I lost my way
But I'm going back to how it was
When this day meant everything
And we spent our time remembering
The baby Child born for us
It's all about Jesus
Asleep in the straw
This infant, this King
This Savior for all
So I don't need bells to be ringing
'Cause I'll join with angels singing, Gloria
And I can feel Christmas like a child
(Third Day Music)
How do you cope with Christmas? Do you find yourself reminiscing? For those of you who have Children, do you get to live that wonder through their experiences? Through their eyes?
Share the love,
M.
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