My first colonic irrigation: A noob puts the unconventional treatment to the test

If articles had readership ratings the way films do, this one would be rated ‘M’ for mature readers only. And who aren’t eating anything when they’re reading this.

Because, gentle reader, the topic for today’s article is colonic irrigation, a subject that ‒ despite the vast reams of serious medical literature advising against it ‒ is near and dear to legions of hypochondriacs and wellness junkies the world over.

For the uninitiated, the Mayo Clinic website ‒ practically a bible for the hypochondriacs amongst us ‒ says a colonic cleanse is “normally used as preparation for medical procedures such as a colonoscopy. However, some alternative medicine practitioners offer colon cleansing for other purposes, such as detoxification…During a colon cleanse, large amounts of water — sometimes up to 60 litres — and possibly other substances, such as herbs or coffee, are flushed through the colon. This is done using a tube that's inserted into the rectum.”