Asher Dale Dunn

Asher's birth story, five months late. Detailed and long.

Sunday 5/7/17
Stake Conference.
We actually went! We debated not going, me being almost 39 weeks pregnant, and also having a two and three year old in tow, but we decided that even if we were in the hallway it was better that we set the precedent that we go to church, not just when convenient. Of course we made it about ten minutes through the meeting before ending up in the nursery getting toys for the kids (but mostly Wild Child Charlie). We sat on comfy chairs and watched it broadcast in another room while our boys played with the toys. I was uncomfortable but not miserable. We left a few minutes early because I was feeling off and wanted to be home.

We came home and Mckay got the boys some lunch. I was exhausted and laid on the sofa. I basically spent the next hours just laying around half sleeping, half relaxing. Mckay took the kids out of the house and to the park so I could have some quiet. I kind of felt like labor would be close, since I just felt odd and tired and a little crampy/uncomfortable. At 5pm, after resting for nearly five hours, I decided to get up and clean the messy, messy house. I knew I'd be upset if I left to have a baby with my house looking that way. I felt great at this point. All the lounging had restored my energy and I didn't have any discomfort at all. I cleaned up and vacuumed the living room, cleaned up the toy room, organized the boys bedroom and then made a simple dinner for the boys. Mckay brought them home, happy and tired, and we fed them, bathed them quickly and put them to bed. Then the two of us cleaned up the kitchen together and watched a show.

After our show (The Amazing Race, duh) we went back to our room and got ready for bed. We peeked in on Deacon and Charlie, like we do every night, and then got into bed. Right at 9:30pm I felt a contraction, but I didn't think much of it because I had been having them off and on for days, with nothing regular and nothing sticking. About 15 minutes later I had another one. And then at 10pm I had another one and told Mckay. A second came about 10 minutes later and he asked if he should go to bed or stay up. I told him that this may be the real deal and to stay awake. All of a sudden they were coming about every five minutes, but they weren't too difficult to get through. I texted Regan and put her on the alert and then called my Mom to let her know that labor was possibly starting. I was 10 days from my due date and didn't really believe that it could be real, since Deacon was born one day after his due date and Charlie was born one day before his; I just figured this would go similarly.

We got up and Mckay was timing my contractions, at this point and they were anywhere from 2-5 minutes apart. Not intense, just there. We made the bed, packed the rest of the items into my birth bag and I snacked on a mango. We asked Regan to come and she arrived shortly.

We hung around the house for a bit longer and then jumped in the car to head to the birth center which was about 17 minutes from our house. We arrived at about 10:45pm and were taken upstairs to the simple, cozy room (I was so pleased to see there was a fireplace there!) and my wonderful midwife Danielle checked me, I was dilated to a 4. I had hoped to be a little further along, but wasn't disappointed as things weren't even painful or intense at that point. I actually felt a little silly for showing up so early, but because my contractions had been so close together we had gone in, wanted to be safe rather than sorry.

I got settled in, got some water,  and then Danielle had me lay on a bean shaped inflatable ball and labor on my side to try and get the baby into a better position. That was horribly uncomfortable and after 20 or 30 minutes of that I told them I was done. I hate laboring laying down, it feels so much better to be up walking around. I started to pace the room.

Mckay was tired, it was somewhere between 11pm and midnight. I told him to sleep, because I wasn't in pain, and knew I would need him looking (and acting) more bright eyed and bushy tailed shortly. He politely refused but I insisted and within five minutes he was snoring. I had a few hours to peruse Instagram, read a few emails, relax and sip on water -alternating with pacing, bouncing on the ball, humming, breathing and wincing through contractions that weren't too bad, but not a walk in the park either. The birth attendants came in a few times to take my blood pressure and temperature but other than that I just spend a few hours alone with my thoughts.

Monday 5/8/17
Around 2am I woke Mckay up. By this point I was in quite a bit of pain, still handling it well, but I wanted Mckay to give me some counter pressure during contractions. The two attendants came in and told me that they were going to wake my midwife and have her check me. I told them not to wake her, that I was making plenty of noise (groaning and ooo-ing and whatnot) that was signal enough to me that I was progressing just fine.  They agreed and then I asked them to fill up the tub.

As they filled it I had a few cashews and and orange and stood by the fireplace in our room. It was warm and cozy and I just felt really good. I was definitely in pain, and starting to dread the contractions, but I felt serene. The warmth of the fire on my naked belly and Mckay rubbing my back. I just felt really happy and safe and excited to meet our baby.

At 2:30 am the tub was filled and I got in. The warm water felt amazing. I was able to relax a bit, and asked Mckay to put some music on. Quickly, things became more intense.

Over the next four hours the contractions went from moderately uncomfortable to incredibly painful. I would lean over the side of the tub and wrap my arms around Mckay's (who was standing) thighs and just squeeze my arms around him as hard as I could to get through them. He would lean over me and either squeeze my hips together or put pressure on my lower back. I quickly became exhausted and frustrated. I knew it was after 3am and I had been certain I would have had a baby in my arms by this point. I just wanted to feel that urge to push! I even tried pushing on a few contractions but I knew I wasn't ready and it didn't do much except make me more exhausted and frustrated. I kept going, telling myself that delivery had to be right around the corner and that I would only getting closer and closer. But not much seemed to be changing and I kept wondering how much longer this would go on.

I asked Mckay what time it was and he answered "it doesn't matter baby" (bad sign). When I insisted on knowing the time he reluctantly told me it was 6am.

I felt such a mix of emotions, but most of all I was just really spent and unsure of how I could continue. I stood up in the tub and got a little frustrated and told Mckay I couldn't do this anymore. He, of course, was gentle and supportive and urged me on. I hadn't seen my midwife since about midnight (she was not happy with the attendants for not waking her up) and shortly, at 6:30am, she came in the bathroom.

"Let's check you and see what's going on", she said.
"Do you think that's necessary?"
"I think it would be good to know exactly what is happening. You've been laboring for quite a while and your contractions are intense but they're still 5 or 6 minutes apart."

I knew it was the right thing to do, even though I had been really "anti" getting checked in my other labors and in the beginning of this one I agreed.

She checked me and the pain was excruciating. I don't know what exactly she did, but she was messing with my cervix and it was horrible. Then she said, "Let's try a different position, I don't think this is working for you."

When I asked her how dilated I was, she hesitated and then gently said, "You're at a four, honey."
Almost 8 hours of hard labor after being checked upon my arrival to the birth center and I wasn't even 1/2 a centimeter more dilated than when I'd first arrived.

Devestation doesn't really even begin to cover it. I was overwhelmed, heart-broken, disappointed in my body, every single part of me ached for relief, I was tired and confused and weak. I couldn't do it. My internal dialog spiraled into negative talk. "I can't do this, I want to be done. How quickly could I get transferred to a hospital for an epidural."

My bathwater was cold, something I hadn't realized, and Danielle told me to hop out and then she left the bathroom and Mckay helped me out of the tub. I collapsed onto his shoulder and cried. I told him there was no way I could keep going. I knew that it could be hours before I delivered, being at 4cm, and I knew I didn't have it in me. He shut the door and then I asked him to pray. I don't remember the words, and I know there wasn't a clear feeling of relief or strength that came to me, but I did realize a glimmer of faith and a conviction to finish this task and meet our baby. I asked him to text my parents and let them know what was happening and also ask them for their prayers. I needed help to do this!

Danielle came in and suggested I try sitting backwards on the toilet and leaning over the tank. She was confident that the change in position would help move things along.
I did as she asked, and immediately the contractions became even more intense, which was kind of unimaginable to me at the time. After 10 or so minutes on the toilet my legs fell asleep from leaning over and said I wanted to move to the bed, which I couldn't do because I couldn't stand on my legs.  Let's just add insult to injury.

I eventually got onto the bed and Danielle had be put that bean shaped ball in between my legs and labor on my side again. After a short amount of time in this position I told the attendant that I wanted to see Danielle. She came in and I asked her what was happening and if the baby was safe. Her exact words to me were, "You are doing beautifully honey, I know this isn't the labor that you imagined but I promise you, you are going to do it. This baby will come, this baby is safe. You are going to do this."

Tears spilled onto my cheeks and I felt buoyed up by her words and her confidence.

She left the room and I endured maybe three more excruciating contractions on that ball before I was up again and headed back to the toilet. I couldn't handle the pain of laying down.

I was back on the toilet and the attendants had placed blocks under my feet to try and prevent my legs from falling asleep again.

Contractions were unbearable. I was having trouble keeping my voice low and calm through them and just wanted to scream them out. They were coming on top of each other and Danielle came in and said "This is what we want! You're close!" Still, as those contractions came I wondered how much longer this would last. I was bearing down with each contraction but didn't think I was close to delivery.

*For journaling sake I will include here that it was a good thing I was laboring on the toilet because... poor Mckay. My poor, sweet, wonderful husband who was standing behind me, rubbing my back was also enduring an unpleasant smell that insisted on leaving my bowels. I was horrified and embarrassed but there wasn't really anything I could do about it so I just apologized a few times and went on.

Danielle then asked me to come back into the bedroom. The tub hadn't been filled back up yet, as I'd only gotten out of it one hour ago (and dilated to a four). I didn't believe that I had progressed from 4com to 10cm in barely an hour. I was definitely bearing down, but still couldn't wrap my head around what was happening. Danielle assured me it was go time!
She had set up the birthing stool in the bedroom and I sat down at about 7:30am. She told me she was going to break my water, which I was apprehensive about, but instantly felt a relief of pressure and no pain with the procedure.

With the next contraction I pushed.
I did it agin and again and again. It was my most painful delivery yet.
But at 7:38 the most incredibly beautiful, warm, wet baby was born. I reached down and pulled this perfect child up to my abdomen. I looked down to a head of dark hair, the most perfectly round little head, a beautiful face with soft features that weren't swollen at all. The most beautiful baby I had ever seen. My first words were, "Oh look how beautiful you are!"
Tears of wonder and relief clouded my vision.

Mckay was sitting behind me, holding me, kissing my cheek, rubbing my arms, telling me how proud he was of me, all while staring down over my shoulder at our third baby. I'm not sure how long we sat like this, I just couldn't stop looking at the beautiful little face of this baby in my arms.

Soon, Danielle said, "Boy or girl?"
I lifted a leg up, fully expecting to announce a daughter, and was completely shocked and stunned when I realized we'd had a third son! We both laughed and cried some more. Our beautiful, perfect third boy!

We climbed into bed together. Asher (unnamed at the time, obviously) nursed well and promptly fell asleep. I couldn't stop smelling the top of his head, the most delicious, fresh, heavenly scent! I delivered the placenta uneventfully and they brought me some coconut water to sip on. Mckay and I cuddled and gazed at our baby and then hunger took over and I sent him out for Eggs Benedict, hash browns and a fruit salad.

We spent the next hours holding and inspecting our new baby, sleeping, filling out paperwork and taking lots of bathroom trips (me -so much water!). I hadn't torn at all and was having a perfect recovery. I felt amazing and tired. After four hours we gathered our stuff and headed home to introduce the big brothers to their new little brother. He didn't have a name, and we weren't going to rush it, as we were unprepared for the task of naming a boy!

Eventually his name came. the milk came, the sleep came... and now he's five months old and it's funny to me that at one point he didn't exist here in our earthly home and family. Because now he's such a special, integral part of us. Our little Asher. Everyone's favorite little baby boy. The one who came straight from heaven with a peacefulness that has done our home so much good.

Writing this brith story five months late wasn't my best move, because I'm sure there are things I've left out. But I've also loved reminiscing on the sacred day that it was. The births of my sons have been the most special days. Days where I am tried and pushed to my limit only to then welcome the most pure and perfect little Spirits, straight from their Heavenly Father's loving arms into ours. Mckay by my side, supporting and loving me, strengthening our ties to each other and our family. Meeting the little souls who we will teach and love and guard for the rest of our lives. The boys who have brought us our greatest joy and most treasured roles.

What a pleasure it is to be a woman and to be their mother and to be his wife.

Charlie's Birth Story (unabridged)

After almost a year I am going to resurrect this blog to write the birth story of our second baby! He is a month old now, and I am scared that the details will slip away if I wait any longer on this. This is not really intended for anyone's reading pleasure but mostly for us to remember all we can about the birth of our Charlie. I haven't left anything out, fair warning!

March 17th. My dear friend (who was due 10 days after me) had a little baby shower at a local gelato shop. I ate a heaping scoop of chocolate and hazelnut gelato on top of a hot crepe and drank a cup of hot chocolate and enjoyed the company of good friends. That night, I couldn't sleep (sugar rush!) and didn't end up falling asleep until after 2am. Then it was up with Deacon the next day at 7am.

March 18th. My due date! The day passed uneventfully. That night Mckay and I were going to bed and I said to him, "I am ready to have this baby but I better not go into labor tonight, I need at least one night of good sleep to make up for last night before I have to do the whole labor/delivery thing!"

And of course, that night I went into labor.

I woke up to use the bathroom around 1am and was pretty uncomfortable but exhausted and went right back to sleep. Then I woke up again around 2am with that same pain but in my groggy state I tried to go back to sleep. As the pain became more intense I had the sleepy thought "what if this is labor..."
Thirty minutes later another pain & now I am awake and feeling that strange excitement that only the pain of labor brings. The trepidation and anxiety that comes from knowing that you're about to conquer and endure some of the hardest hours of your life, that you'll be pushed to your limits physically and emotionally and that there is no skirting this task. But stronger than those feelings is the excitement and joy of knowing that once you get through all of that, you get to meet and hold the baby that you and your husband created. The little stranger that weighs next to nothing will look up at you and you'll fall hard for that little human. The love and joy and bliss and peace will wash over you in a moment that you'll never forget. You know that you're about to experience one of the best, most sacred moments of you life. And there's no going back to sleep once you start thinking about that...

So at 2:45 on March 19th I woke Mckay up and hesitantly told him that I was pretty sure this was it! I had more contractions, 20-15 minutes apart and started to feel some nausea. I asked him to cut me up a green apple and I munched on that for the next little while and felt much better. The contractions went from mild to counter-pressure/-rub-my-back/-don't-talk-to-me/-loud-noises/-let-this-one-be-almost-over, much fast than they did with Deacon and so at around 3:30am I called the midwives. We planned to meet at the birth center at 7am to avoid the traffic. My birth center is 45 minutes away so she told me to call and come sooner if things picked up. The contractions were intense but I was still having 10 minute breaks between each one and so Mckay and I chatted, ate, surfed the internet, filled out my March Madness bracket together, collected food for labor, and threw the last minute items into the bag over the next few hours. It was quiet and dark and we just enjoyed the time together.

At 5:45am I called my sweet friend Sara to come over. I felt silly because I was still having such long breaks between my contractions and didn't think I was really ready to be heading out, but my worst fear was getting stuck in morning traffic on our way to the birth center (this fear was so great that I actually considered/almost had a home birth!). So she came over around 6am and we headed out the door 15 minutes later.

I sat in the front seat and the sun came up as we made our way to Danbury. I snacked on a banana and some coconut water and only had three contractions in the 45 minutes it took us to get there. Again, I just felt so silly & knew that I would only be 2cm dilated and have a long ways to go... but we pulled into the parking lot and I had an intense contraction and was thankful that we were there. The midwife came to the car and helped me into the building. She led me to the yellow room where I had delivered Deacon just 16 short months before. I loved walking in that room and being flooded with sweet memories of his birth and knowing that I would deliver our second baby in the very room where we had first become a parents.

Shortly after arriving, at 7:15am I got on the bed and Vanessa checked me and said I was dilated to a 5! I was shocked and happy that I was that far along. I asked for a birth ball and she gave me a pep talk and warned me that things can go fast & be very intense the second time around. Right away, my contractions became stronger and closer together. I bounced on the birth ball for almost an hour and had Mckay rub my low back with each contraction. I brought Serenity essential oil and every few contractions asked him to rub jojoba oil with a few drops of Serenity on my back and that felt amazing! After an hour I was having contractions every 3-5 minutes or so and was becoming very vocal.

I decided it was time to get into the tub. The water felt incredible, it was so soothing and really took the edge off of the contractions, for a while anyway. Soon enough, things picked back up and I was again being very loud & very vocal to get through each one. I asked Mckay to play his Mormon Tabernacle Choir station on Pandora and in between contractions I enjoyed the music. The little bathroom was filled with a sweet spirit of peace as I sang some of my favorite hymns to my baby. I'll never forget singing Amazing Grace and Thy Word Is a Lamp Unto My Feet and getting choked up as the words touched my heart. It was a really beautiful part of this labor.

After about 30 minutes in the tub I lost a little bit of my focus. The pain was too much and I was ready to be done. I asked Mckay to turn the music off and at some point I even told him to "shut-up!". I'm really embarrassed about that and feel so badly. I never wanted to be that laboring woman! But he was asking me a question and I just think I wasn't able to process that and deal with what was going on so I told him to shut up! Sorry, honey!

I remember looking into Mckay's eyes, silently pleading with him to make it stop. As if, he had the power. At one point I vocalized that I couldn't do it anymore and Mckay & the two midwives were quick to assure me that I could do it, that I was doing it, and that we were very close to the end. One of my midwives, Rebecca, was very tender and rubbed my back a little bit and I really appreciated it, it sort of kept me from spiraling into a scary place. It was like her touch was telling my body that I was going to be okay, that I wouldn't feel this pain forever, that it was almost finished.

And then,  another rock your entire body contraction, and my water broke with the same uncomfortable pop & rush of pressure that I experienced with Deacon. I really dislike the sensation.

Contractions were coming on top of each other now and I hardly had time to rest. I was exhausted and afraid of one that was in line to rock my body.

I had changed positions many times, but now I had moved to the other side of the tub and Mckay was at my feet. With each contraction my body was involuntarily bearing down and I asked the midwives if they needed to check me (I hadn't been "checked' since I first arrived and I think I was looking for the "okay, you're at a 10, let's push!" comment) but they told me I was fine and to do whatever my body told me to do. That is a really neat feeling to be pushed to your limit and in so much pain, and to have someone say to you to trust your body. Because normally pain= relief by doctors or medicine or rest or love or some outside influence. But in birth, pain is just pain. It just has to be accepted, you have to walk (figuratively) through it on your own. There is support, sure, but ultimately it's just your mind and your body. So in my head I tried to quiet the this hurts, i can't do this, when will i be done thoughts, and instead focused on positive thoughts like i was made to do this, i am doing great, soon i'll meet my baby! girl or boy?!.  Time goes more smoothly with those thoughts.

Minutes later I felt immense pressure and yelled to the midwives, "I think I am going to poop, I am going to poop now!" They said, "Okay, that's fine!" Mckay flew off of his chair at the end of my feet and ran up to my head. (Ask him later and he was totally grossed out and didn't want to see that, obviously. I think he would have left the room if he thought that was an option!). Well, I relaxed, and the next thing we saw was a little head crowning. I was completely stunned and in shock. I kept asking if that was his head and they kept telling me this was it. On the next contraction I pushed and after a brief searing pain (oh, you ring of fire!) his little head was completely out. I wasn't having a contraction after that and was worried that he was just down in the water but the midwives told me that everything was okay and that if I wasn't going to push, I needed to pant until I had another contraction. I couldn't stop looking at that little head under the water. It made me a little nervous to see him just down there, not coming up, but the midwives were completely calm and I think they even told me that he can stay down there for close to ten minutes safely and that he would be up in my arms in just a few short minutes. So weird to have a conversation in that position.

Seconds/minutes/hours (who knows, time was very warped here) later I had another contraction and pushed his body out. It was not easy and his shoulders gave me some trouble but he was born after two complete contractions after I thought I was about to poop in the water. (haha)

The midwife (who had jumped into the tub because she was right handed and I had changed to the wrong side of the tub, and this happened so fast she didn't have a chance to get me positioned correctly) pulled our sweet, warm, wet baby up and placed him on my chest.

I was in complete shock. Everything had happened so fast and all of a sudden I was sitting in that warm tub holding our baby on my chest! I started to cry as I greeted our little one. I asked Mckay if he knew the gender and when he said he didn't I told him to look. He lifted up the towel and happily announced (as he jumped up into the air) that we had another boy. More tears flowed as I joined in the rejoicing at a second son. I looked up at Mckay and said "we have two boys, honey!". I don't think there were two happier people in the world at that moment. Mckay asked me, "Is he Charlie?" and I said "yes!".

So that is the gist of how our second son, sweet Charlie Kent Dunn came into the world.  He arrived at 9:05am, just 2 short hours after our arrival at the birth center. He weighed 8 lbs. 6 oz. and was 19 inches long. Charlie is a named we loved during Deacon's pregnancy and once I found out I was pregnant again, I just knew from the start that this was Charlie if he was indeed a boy. Kent was given as his middle name after my Father, one of the best men to ever walk the earth (for real!). I hope he inherits some of his Grandpa's special traits -his patience, kindness, humor, goodness and cheer.

Charlie was given to Daddy, I delivered the placenta/got out of the tub, and we all got cozy in bed. Charlie nursed right away and was so good at it! A huge relief to me, after an incredibly difficult nursing experience with Deacon. His little face was purple and blue from such a fast decent, and "facial bruising" was the only abnormal thing noted on his birth charts. His Apgar at 1 minute was 8 and at 5 minutes it was a strong 9!

Mckay brought me beef stew and crusty French bread from Whole Foods, I ate all the snacks I brought but didn't eat during labor (banana, apple, yogurt, turkey jerky, coconut water -food is so amazing after L&D) and we spent a few hours bonding with our new baby, calling family, taking pictures, filling out paperwork and processing the experience.

At 2pm we left the Birth Center and headed back to Darien to be reunited with our little boy Deacon. I was so anxious and excited to be home! I'll leave their meeting for another post.

Charlie's birth was so different from Deacon's. It was 6 hour total (Deacon's was 11-12) with maybe five minutes of actual pushing/delivery (I pushed for over 90 minutes with Deacon). But both were wonderful and both gave me so much adrenaline and pride, and of course the best gift ever, our baby(ies). I am grateful to have an awesome birth center where I feel comfortable having my babies, wonderful midwives who I trust completely (& who completely trust my body -that is huge!), and mostly for Mckay who supports me and loves me and is at my side as we welcome these sweet spirits to our family. This life is so beautiful and perfectly designed.

Mommy & Daddy getting snuggly with our heaven sent Charlie.

Deacon at 6 months.

After church with Mommy.

3 hours is a long time for such a little guy to stay happy and entertained but we manage.  

At the park.

Swings make him happy for about 2 minutes and then he's ready to be held again, the slide is good for sitting and watching other kids, and Mommy's lap is even better. But we still love a park date. Last time we were there a cute 3 year old boy entertained both  of us for the better part of 15 minutes. Deacon just sat on my lap and watched him run and jump and laugh and play. It was cute & I know that these years will fly and before I know it, that 3 year old blondie yelling "Mom- watch this!" will be my Deacy-boy. Man I'll miss his chubby little stationary self!

With Daddy in front of NYU.

Mckay will be graduating with his MBA from NYU this December so when we picked Daddy up from his Saturday class (barf) I had to snap a picture of the two of them. We sure miss him when he's in class but we are so thankful he works so hard for us. I hope Deacon is smart like his Daddy!

First family outing in NYC.

We made a day of it- sensory overload for my little man but I think he loved it. So many new things to look at and discover in the big city! We need to make a habit out of NYC exploration.

Had to include this picture because although he's the happiest baby I've ever seen, he does have his moments.  They're usually right before bed when he's just so tired and Mom & Dad aren't cooperating.  

Father's Day

My handsome boys. They just adore each other and I couldn't love them more.  A few times a week we meet Daddy outside when he comes home from work, I'll hold Deac and say "where's Daddy?" until he spots Mckay walking towards us. The second he sees his Dad the arms and legs start flapping and he gets the biggest smile on his face. It's one of my very favorite little traditions we have going. Mckay is the sweetest Dad, he is always telling me how much he loves Deacon, the other day he said, "He's my best friend!". Deacon doesn't know yet how lucky he is to have the Dad he does. One day he will, but for now, I'll just pat myself on the back for hooking this kid up with the best of the best in the Fatherhood department. 

Sleeping baby.

Nothing is quite so sweet as my sleeping angel. Lately he's been sleeping with his legs tucked up and I love it. He's also old enough now that he tosses and turns in his sleep to get comfortable- which is funny to me, it seems like such a grown up thing to do.

Woah! Big boy standing up while Daddy reads "Goodnight Moon", our favorite bedtime story. Standing up is definitely one of his favorite things to do. He'll stand (with help) and get the biggest grin on his face and look at us until we clap or cheer for him- you can tell he's just so proud of himself and wants his parents to celebrate! In additions to standing, he's also working on crawling and he's scary close. Time to baby-proof, whatever that means.

Oh, you beautiful boy. You happy, sweet, beautiful boy! Thanks for being ours!

Milestones & notes;

• Rolling all over the place.
• Scoots around a little, has gotten himself into the crawling position a few times but can't seem to lift his head off the ground! 
• Has SIX teeth as of this week- 4 on top, 2 on bottom. He cut the first two at 3.5 months & the  top 4 came in within 2 weeks of each other when he was 6.5 months old. He's a little shark.
• Waved "bye-bye" to Daddy on 6.25.14
• Still such a Momma's boy. He loves his toys but his favorite way to play with them is from Mom's lap.
• Is the best little eater- loves bell peppers (cooked or raw), sautéed onions, beans, blueberries, carrots (cooked or raw), sweet potato, raisins & cucumber.  We're working on avocado and banana, those aren't his favorite.  
• Loves to drink water out of our cups and does a pretty good job, unless he's so excited that he splashes it everywhere, which happens often.
• Is learning to feed himself and has actually succeeding in getting food from tray to mouth by himself.
• Is learning to drink from a bottle but mostly just chews the nipple.
• Laughs the hardest when Dad plays with him.
• Gives Mom kisses.
• Is so squirmy for diaper changes and getting dressed (uhg).
• Loves when we clap/cheer for him, make kiss-ey noises, say his name, play "where's your nose?", & tickle his back.
• Lately when I nurse him to sleep he'll rub his little hand on my arm, hand, chest and neck. It's the sweetest. He just rubs until he settles down into sleep, I love the feel of his tiny, soft hand on my skin. 
• Gets excited every time a train goes by, he looks at the window when he hears them & we say "choo-choo!" and he gets a big grin on his face.

Thoughts on Mother's Day

Being Deacon's Mom is the best thing I've ever done.
Although it's sometimes frustrating (like this morning when he decided that 5am was an appropriate wake up time), tiring (he still nurses 2x's every night), and just plain hard and heartbreaking (he refused to nurse until he was almost 12 weeks old) it's the very best.

He changed my life and my heart from the very first minute he was placed on my chest. All for the better. I traded free time and flexibility and pedicures for baby giggles and slobbery kisses and endless diapering. 

Earlier today we were laying side by side on the floor playing with his toys and as I watched him excitedly kick those little legs & let out his sweet baby noises of glee, that feeling that I first had the day he was born came back. This powerful, intense love and desire to protect and nurture him. I watched the soft curves of his cheeks break into his open-mouthed smile and his left eye close a tad more than his right, the way it does when he's really happy, and I just wanted to freeze time. On that floor, looking at this perfect baby, my perfect baby, our perfect baby. He's a little bit of both of us and whole lot of his own sweet spirit and easy-going nature (which he did not get from his parents!). I put my hand on his little chest and felt his noises and giggles and wondered what on earth happened to my tiny 7 lbs. baby.

He's growing at lightening speed right in front of my eyes. He can sit up by himself and eat solid food and understand puppet games I play with him and his stuffed doggie.

I hope as the hours and days and eventually years pass I'll be able to have enough grace, patience and humility to be the kind of Mother he deserves. I want to feed his little body and spirit the very best things. I want to teach him about the beauty of the earth; the trees and sky and dirt and grass. I want to fill our home with love so that it can be a place of refuge for him. I want to read with him, draw with him, bake with him and laugh with him. I want him to crawl, walk, run, ride a bike and (inevitably) play football with confidence in his body and abilities. I want him to be humble, be kind, and love others. I want him to be aware of those who need a little help, a smile, a kind word or deed.  I want him to stand up for what is right and also be able to admit defeat gracefully. Mostly, I want him to know God's love and I want him to love God. 

Maybe the most daunting part of Motherhood is knowing that there is so much you want for your child but only your imperfect self to teach him.  
If I want all of those qualities and experiences for Deacon then I need to be living them myself. He will learn to serve others from watching me serve others. He will learn kindness and love by my interactions with the world. He will learn to forgive and be gentle when I am that way with him. He will feel Heavenly Father's Spirit when I make an effort to have that Spirit in my own life. 

He's my little seed and I choose the materials that will nurture him and help him grow. 

Mother's Day after church.

My happy boy.

Eating a black olive & loving it. 

Sitting up like a big boy at the park, I love his chubby toes & hands.

Motherhood. The calling that stretches, shapes and molds me into what I never knew I wanted so badly. To be his Momma. He's my joy and Mckay is my Love & all is right with the world when we're happy and together.

Deacon at 4 & 5 months.

[Since I blog every few months now, this is a long one.]

In March, when Deacon was 4 months old, his Great-Grandma Delma Lou Dunn died & so it was off to Utah for her funeral. Deacon did so good on his first flight. Mckay & I didn't even get to sit together (last minute booking issues) but that proved to be a non-issue when baby boy didn't make so much as a fussy peep the entire way. He was all smiles, chatting it up with the sweet boy sitting next to us, nursing off to sleep, and looking quite bemused by the loud noises & new surroundings. The trip was great because he got to meet  most of his Dunn family, & see more of his Craven family. One thing I learned was that a baby and a funeral do not mix. Definitely one of the harder days of Motherhood I've experienced -dragging that poor baby all over Utah for 7 straight hours. Never again.

(his happy flying face)


There isn't much I love more than his sleepy body in my arms. I used to be anti-nurse-your-baby-to-sleep but I just didn't know what I was missing. It's bliss. And it's NOT the only way he goes to sleep. Although I do it a lot, because it's just so wonderful.

He got lots of time with Grandpa Craven, was a little skeptical of his beard, but came around eventually & now thinks he's a pretty cool guy.

When we got home from Utah this little one came down with what I thought was a bad cold. But then it wouldn't let up so I took him into the Dr. to make sure it wasn't anything serious. Turns out, the little man had bronchiolitis (an infection of the smallest airways of his lungs) which can be pretty serious. At that point, it wasn't impeding his breathing too much & so when the Dr. suggested albuterol breathing treatments I wasn't keen on the idea. (FYI- most medicine given to babies under 12 months is not FDA approved for their use and doesn't have much support to back up it's effectiveness in babies that little). So I opted out and decided to treat him at home, of course, if things would have progressed out of my control I would have immediately enlisted proper help. We spent a week inside, keeping warm & relaxed, had lots of steam baths, lots of nursing & naps, lots of Breathe essential oils on his feet and chest, a homeopathic remedy and lots of Nose Frieda-ing. I was so thankful when his cough & congestion broke and he was feeling better. I was also so grateful for a husband who trusts me, and helps me trust myself. The human body has amazing capacity to heal itself, even a tiny one like his.

Conference Sunday loving. The older he gets the more I love him. I really don't see how this pattern can continue without bursting my heart into pieces. He is so sweet, calm, fun & happy. He really is my joy.

The sun decided to shine again sometime in April & so we headed outside to soak up its rays. Deacon decided that sun, grass, sand & dirt are right up his alley. I can't wait for summer to introduce him to the swimming pool!

Just being a doll in the outfit Grandpa sent him. He rolled over for the first time at 4.5 months and was so proud of himself. He slowed down after that but has gotten the hang of it and loves to throw himself to the ground when I have him sitting up & then roll over onto his back. He also LOVES this comforter he is laying on. It's on our bed and it's my secret weapon for when he is cranky. I'll just go lay him on his tummy on that and he starts kicking his legs and smiling and laughing. He loves those little dots, it's adorable.

In early April I took him on the first of many (I hope) Mommy-son trips! We went to Boston for the weekend to celebrate the impending arrival of sweet Ashley & Scott's baby girl. We enjoyed the shower, but mostly liked hanging out at their apartment and eating the yummy cookies Scott brought us for dessert.  It's wonderful to have such dear friends close to us. 

At around 5 months his "vocabulary" really started to expand. He began trying out new sounds and volumes and it's just so fun to watch him discover his voice. He'll whine when he's cranky, "talk" with us when he's happy, scream/shriek when he's excited, and my favorite, is the "bbeehh" sound he makes every now and then when he's really concentrating.

My sweet Easter Bunny at our ward Easter brunch. He wasn't sure what to make of all the people yelling and snapping and smiling and clapping at him to get him to smile for his picture.

Easter Sunday. Too bad we didn't get family picture.

This is one of my all-time favorite pictures of him. Every night before bed I lay him in his crib under his mobile and he plays while I get his jammies on, diaper changed etc. This particular night he was just in such a great mood & he was laughing and coo-ing up a storm. The lighting and shadows are terrible but I love the look of glee in his little face. And you can kind of see his legs stick-straight out like he does when he's excited. And the neck rolls!!! And arm rolls! And leg rolls! How delicious is he?! I wonder when I'll stop thinking that he is just completely perfect... (Probably during potty training).

The very last weekend in April I took him back out to Utah for the annual McAffee girls (& babies) retreat. 35 of us shared 4 condos at Bear Lake and it was a blast. The next week we spent a few days with Grandma & Grandpa which made the trip even better. Again, he was an angel on the airplane (thank you, thank you, thank you Deacon!).

(Excited to be on the airplane again!)

That weekend he suddenly became completely enthralled by food. He would see someone near me eating and just lunge in that direction. I was trying to hold out until he was a solid 6 months before giving him anything but breast milk but decided that if he was ready, I could be ready too. A raw carrot to gnaw on was his very first taste of solid food!

Hanging with his favorite Uncle Trevor in Utah. Trevor was such a natural with him, even after all his self-proclaimed disinterest babies I heard through my pregnancy. He toted him all over the house and outside and even changed a diaper for me. 

Of course he loves his Grandma Caroline so much.

He sat up by himself for the first time when he was 5 months and about 1 week old. He does it daily now, usually with a Boppy around him so he doesn't bonk his head when he falls over or throws himself to the ground. He's growing up and we are loving it, it's so fun to watch him learn and grow and develop into such a smart & happy baby.

Strawberries! A little strong for his palate, although he insisted on more after this picture. So far he's had: banana, avocado, watermelon, cooked carrots, bell peppers and this little bit of strawberry and he's liked it all! I think he's going to be a great eater.  We are doing baby-led weaning and loving it. It's convenient and he's already made so much progress in how he manages food.

Bath time is happening more frequently these days, he knows how to get that food everywhere.



I've been so bad at writing in a journal since he's been born. That makes me sad, because there is so much I want to remember, but hopefully my excess of pictures will make up for it.

To remember:

• Laying in bed next to him this morning after he'd woken up from a baby nap in my arms and looking into his eyes as he looked into mine and just feeling so close to him.
• The giggle and huge smile he always has for Daddy when Mckay walks in the door at the end of the day.
• His winkie smile and how he gets excited and and then buries his head into my shoulder or turns his head away from who ever is making him happy, like he gets shy, or too excited to handle the eye contact. It's the cutest things.
• He loves the bath and just splashes away, I usually  need dry clothes after he's done.
• He's getting better at napping at at least once a day will give me a two hour nap, which is awesome. I'm still looking forward to a full night's rest- it has to happen one of these nights, right?
• The way he curls his feet together when he is laying on his back with no socks on.
• When I change his diaper on the changing table and my elbow waves in his face it always makes him laugh and then he tries to catch it and chew on it. It's the funniest thing, and it always makes me happy.
• His sleeping face, so content and peaceful in my arms. I love it even at 2am.

There just aren't words for the love we have for Deacon. Everyone said it's something you won't understand until you have your own child. And they were right, but they were also wrong because I have my own child now & I still don't understand it. He's our light. I could have ten of him.

Baby, you're 3 months old!

The three month mark (February 21st) was a good mark. All of a sudden something clicked, or should I say, so many things clicked. Deacon started sleeping longer stretches (still not his strong suit but he's improving), I pretty much figured out how to live life with a baby in tow, his little personality really started shining through, things just seemed easier and more fluid. And I fell more in love with him, while he got pretty attached to me as well. I think we have a Momma's boy on our hands. In month 3 he-

Started laughing! Cutest thing in the world. Mckay & I are constantly bending over backwards just to hear his sweet giggle. I hate to admit it, but the thing that really gets him going is when Dad burps. It's so gross, but Deacon must think it's hilarious because he will just belly laugh so hard. Boys.

Became noticeably attached to certain toys. This is Mr. Bear (we are so creative), one of the many "toys" that Deacon loves. He likes to hug this little guy and chew on his ears or blanket. It's sweet. 

Found his toes and hands! I haven't captured it yet, but he's fascinated with his toes (hasn't found them on his own, but sure likes to examine them when we hold his foot up) & hands. I'll look over and he'll just be watching his fists dart back and forth in those jumpy baby movements. It's so funny.

He sent Daddy to Peurto Rico on a boys trip.  Neither of us were happy to see him go, but he had a fun time with his brothers for 5 days in the sun. It's not like he left us to fend for ourselves in the dead of winter or anything... oh wait, that's exactly what happened! Well, we were both thrilled when he came back -I was nursing Deacon in bed that morning and he kept looking over my shoulder, finally I told Mckay "I think someone wants to see you!" and Mckay popped up over my shoulder and said "Good morning, buddy!" & you should have seen baby Deac light up. It was so sweet, just the welcome home every Daddy wants from his baby son.

Helped Momma celebrate her 25th birthday. Auntie Regan was in town (while Daddy was gone) and she made us a [delicious] vegan birthday cake. It was sure nice to have her around, the countdown is on until she comes back to see us in June!

Cut his first tooth! It took me by complete surprise, even though my Mom kept telling me, "I bet he's teething...". I just couldn't believe that my 3 month old could possibly be cutting a tooth. Turns out the poor sleep, cranky days, drool and constant hands in his mouth really were signaling a tooth. We were sitting in church last Sunday and I let him chew on my finger and voila! Sharp little tooth. Poor baby. Now I'm armed with teething tablets, teething rings, camomilla, and an amber necklace to ease the little guy's pain & he's doing much better. Tooth #2 is not far behind...

Made a best friend! Liam is three months older than Deacon and they are little buddies. It's definitely an arranged friendship, since I just adore Liam's Momma, but it works. I think they actually recognize each other because they get pretty excited when we put them together. [^^We'd just had dinner with the Castro's and had these two face to face, they were shrieking, flapping arms, kicking legs, smiling, laughing and talking to each other, it was such cute baby communication!]

Month 3 has been the most wonderful month. I love this little guy more and more, and when it seems that there can't possibly be an ounce of love in my heart that isn't his, something new happens and I pull a Grinch move and my heart just gets bigger. It's so incredible, it makes me wonder at how it must be to love multiple little ones the way I love him. 

And I guess as a disclaimer, because it's important to be honest (Juan Pablo), although I paint roses and rainbows above, there are rough times too. The night when it's the 5th time he's woken up, the umpteenth blow-out and ruined outfit (seriously, how does he do that?!), the time with Mckay cut too short because I just need sleep. That stuff happens too. But I'm learning that motherhood is basically the end of one rope turning into the beginning of the next. It's also fun and exciting and fulfilling and humbling. So I'll take what little bad there is with all the good and thank Heavenly Father for this pretty imperfect, perfect life that we have.

A little bit of life lately.

On December 22, 2013 Deacon was given a name & a blessing by his Daddy. It was a beautiful, unusually warm winter day. We had a slight drizzle of rain and everything was green, the snow hadn't arrived yet and we didn't even wear coats to church that day.  Mckay did a beautiful job and sitting there listening to him bless our little son was such a special moment, one I will never forget.  I love my boys more than anything. (*We tried to move his little arm down, because it just looks kind of awkward but he moved it right back up! So he won and now we have these great pictures with his awkward arm placement!)

The Craven clan spent Christmas with us! They stayed 9 days and we were so happy to have them. They spent some time in New York City and did a little Connecticut exploration but most of their vacation was spent staying cozy with us in our little apartment. It was basically 9 days of 8 adults who couldn't get enough Deacon time. This picture was taken right before we were headed out the door on Christmas Eve to eat Thai food! Such a fun memory. I love my sweet siblings and I'm so glad they all got to bond with Deacon.

Deacon loves to grab on to stuff when I put him to sleep. It's usually my shirt collar or a necklace I'm wearing but this night it was my cheek. It was the sweetest thing. I know the rule is "lay them down sleepy but not sleeping" but I just can't bring myself to do that! He is so sweet & so peaceful nuzzled in my neck and warm in my arms. It's always hard to lay him down in the bassinet.  The only plus side to him sleeping in his bassinet is that I can watch his sweet face and give my back a rest. It's almost not worth it though.  He is such a cuddle bug and would be so thrilled if I just let him take all his naps in my arms with his face pressed right up against my neck... sometimes I wonder how he breathes like that!

My Mom calls these socks his "lumber jack socks". Haha. We love them. He is always so happy in the mornings after his breakfast. We usually get at least 10 or 15 minutes of pure smiles, leg kicks, arm waves and funny un-developed baby laughs from him.

He loves bathtime. Every time I get him out of the bath and wrap him his towel he gives us a big smile or a funny little laugh. I don't know what is so amusing but we love it.  He is less enthused when the towel comes off and his clothes go on. 

If Mckay could have these two betrothed he would. Sweet Tillie Rose meeting Deacon. She kept saying "it's Deacon (Dee-on!)" in her sweet voice. She was so gentle and gave him lots of kisses and pats on the head.  

He's pretty happy in the mornings.

He loves his new mobile that Mommy got (and set up!) him. Find it here.  

Also note the crib sheet and matching quilt that my talented Mom made him!

Recenetly, we've stayed for all three hours of church! I was nervous about it, and hadn't been staying for the entire thing for various reasons (that's a story for another day), but we braved it and this little guy was such a champ! He started out quiet and just observed everyone and everything from my arms, then he went to Daddy to who got him to take a 1.5 hour nap, then back to Mommy for lunch & happy and smiling (& quiet!) for the last 30 minutes of church. We were so proud of him. He got a lot of attention in his cute church outfit too.