Top 20 Funniest Cartman Moments on South Park

So apparently one of Cartman’s favorite school lunches is sloppy joe’s. Both he and Butters are singing in line waiting when they learn the horrible truth. The school has switched the menu to healthier, more sustainable options, taking Eric’s favorite lunch away. As he confronts Wendy about her complaints, his anger turns to panic as grasps his chest and falls to the floor. On any other show, a heart attack might be serious, but for “South Park”, it’s flat-out funny. Between his twitching face and his anger-induced gibberish speech, watching Cartman have a heart attack from healthy food is pure gold.

After roping Butters into appearing on “Maury” as someone with a growth on his chin, Cartman wants a chance to have a moment on TV. He convinces his mom to let him appear as an out-of-control kid. Realizing he needs to push it to the max, he puts on heavy makeup and a crop-top and extends his “out-of-control kid” narrative to the max. The funniest part comes as he tries to one-up another kid on the “Maury” stage by spouting progressively worse confessions about his antics. It leads him down a dark and hilarious path about pretending to be a politician and the chaos that ensues thereafter.

Suspending any disbelief that a 9-year-old kid could run a theme park alone, the idea that Cartman had one all to himself is funny enough. After inheriting a pile of cash from his grandmother, Eric buys a park for the sole purpose of being able to ride the attractions with no lines. Inevitably things go south, but not before we’re treated to an awesome commercial. As Stan and Kyle watch TV, an ad for “Cartmanland” comes up. It’s normal at first, but the ad quickly turns as Cartman insists no one else can visit, especially his two friends. It’s as petty as you can get but still brings a smile to our faces.

As it often is with Eric, he’s dug himself into a hole and blames his mother for it. After pretending to have an iPad in front of the other kids, he tries to convince his mother to buy the most expensive tablet in the store. She of course refuses, and thus provides us with one of the funniest bits of the episode. Knowing he’ll be mocked by his friends, he insists to his mother she is um… let’s say screwing him in Best Buy. It’s one thing to tell a parent you feel like you’re being messed with. It’s something else entirely to bend over and taunt them about it.

Human Immunodeficiency Virus is a serious disease. So when Cartman accidentally gets infected, he’s understandably upset. Thinking karma is at play, Kyle expresses joy over Eric’s misfortune triggering Cartman to infect his friend. After visiting Magic Johnson in the hopes of finding a cure, we’re treated to a hilarious play on words from “South Park”’s most foul-mouthed 9-year-old. When questioned about his diagnosis, instead of saying he's sure, he spouts a retort by saying he’s HIV positive. His argument with Kyle about the use of the double-entendre takes the joke to a whole new level, showing how funny a play on words can really be.

Unwilling to have another shameful incident on the books at the school, the staff insist that Cartman do his best to not mock a fellow student for losing bowel control. This eventually leads to Eric convincing them to lace the kids' food with laxatives, so everyone will be embarrassed. Fearful that the truth may get out, the principal and her cronies literally throw Cartman under the bus. Eric survives and gets his own revenge by giving Mr. Mackey and the staff laxative-ridden cupcakes. With a crutch in hand and bandages on his arm and leg, Cartman quietly smiles on as Mackey has an explosive reaction to Eric’s sweet treat allowing hilarity to ensue.

It’s Cartman’s turn to become hall monitor at “South Park” elementary school. For the first time in his life, he’s been given real authoritah. The rest of Eric’s scenes play out as one giant parody of “Dog the Bounty Hunter.” From the signature mullet, to the over-aggressive attitude, Cartman does his job a little too well. But the best of it comes at the very beginning when we’re introduced to Cartman as his new persona. He’s got a cheesy theme song, fake goatee, and bear mace to match. The bit ends with him behind the wheel of a Hummer at a car dealership, having filmed his “video” for the new gig.

One could easily pick out several hilarious Cartman moments from this Season Seven gem. His conversation with the record label, losing his temper at not getting a platinum album, or even just writing music with the boys are all pretty funny. Yet we can’t help but single out the homage to K-Tel and their countless attempts to sell records on TV. Not only does it look and sound like one of those commercials from the 80s, the songs themselves, both music and lyrics, are nothing but pure genius. Anyone watching this bit will be walking away wishing the album was real so they could pick up one of those limited edition copies.

Forever picking on poor Butters, Cartman puts on a crude robot costume and pretends to be Butters new best friend. The joke of course is that everyone else knows it’s a kid in a costume except Butters. Even after arriving in Los Angeles, Eric keeps the joke going even though he hasn’t eaten anything since getting in the outfit. That leads us to a hilarious moment where Cartman is forced to eat toothpaste in the bathroom. The laughs go even further when the two begin pitching numerous movie ideas to Catamount Pictures. We can’t help but chuckle at how desperate the studio must be if they’re taking ideas from a kid in a box.

If there’s one thing Cartman makes clear, it’s how much he hates hippies. Acting as an exterminator of sorts, he’s spotting more and more of them in town and tries to warn the mayor about the perils of having them around. When a huge music festival ensues, the town quickly realizes how bad of an idea it was. This leads to Eric spearheading a movement to rid the town of the infestation via heavy metal music. Watching people get plowed through by Cartman’s boring machine is both devastating and hilarious. He’s a man on a machine who does eventually rid the site of all the squatters thanks to a little Slayer.

When the people of South Park discover the power that comes with being a Yelp reviewer, it seems like no one can resist its temptations. Except, of course, for the restaurants, who are fed up with it. Cartman is one of the first to abuse his power, using his influence to make fun of the new kid in school, David. Of course, as the number of local Yelpers grows, his powers wane. Cartman calls for a meeting of Yelpers to establish himself as top dog, but soon finds himself overwhelmed by the sheer number of reviewers who show up. Watching Cartman abuse his power is entertaining, but seeing him go up against hordes of similarly stubborn reviewers is even better.

We all knew it wouldn’t take long for this list to get to an example of Cartman’s usual offensive behavior. So let’s start with when he learns about Tourette Syndrome. After seeing another child with the disorder, Cartman pretends to be afflicted with it and actually manages to convince both his mother and a doctor. Cue Cartman taking every opportunity to call Kyle anti-Semitic terms and basically curse out every person in his life. Seeing the devilish joy on Cartman’s face as he curses without repercussions, especially at a helpless Kyle who knows he’s faking it, makes the episode well-worth a watch. This is one of Cartman’s most despicably funny moments.

When Cartman commits the ultimate sin - eating the skin off of everyone’s KFC chicken - his friends start outright ignoring Cartman to teach him a lesson. It works better than they could’ve imagined, with Cartman assuming that he’s actually died - a notion further reinforced by a number of coincidences, including his mom seemingly “crying” over his death when in reality she’s sleeping with the plumber. This all culminates in one of the most entertaining and ridiculous things Cartman has ever done; he runs straight into a building full of criminals holding hostages and acts like a ghost, thoroughly confusing everyone involved. The moment Cartman realizes he’s not dead, and that everyone’s just been ignoring him all along, is extremely satisfying.

Few South Park characters are as memorable as Ms. Lopez - Cartman’s ventriloquist hand that takes on a life of its own and dominates South Park. What starts as a bid to win Cultural Diversity Day quickly takes on a life of its own. Soon, Cartman’s left hand is signing to a record label, recording music videos about taco flavored kisses, and making out - yea, we’ll just leave it at making out - with Ben Affleck. And this culminates in one of the greatest reveals in all of TV; the shocking revelation that Ms. Lopez is actually con man Mitch Conner, who’s tired of running. Who saw that one coming? But Cartman being along for the ride is equal parts hilarious and absurd.

Cartman has always been a lot to handle. When his mom hires nannies to watch him, Eric manages to send them to the mental health hospital. At a loss, Ms. Cartman turns to a dog whisperer as a last resort, hoping that his dog training can work for her wayward son. This episode is hilarious in a number of ways - watching Cartman get “Tsst!” by Cesar is extremely entertaining, especially because the dog training techniques work where everything else has failed. Perhaps even funnier is that the real Cesar Milan complimented the episode for its accuracy in dog training tactics. It’s always nice to see celebrities enjoying their portrayal since the show angers so many others.

In terms of offensiveness, few things are worse than Cartman’s infamous plan in this episode. He decides to pretend he has a disability so that he can enter the Special Olympics and earn the $1,000 cash prize. That being said, few things are funnier than seeing Cartman get pissed off as he gets literally destroyed by every other contestant in the Special Olympics, after he assumed it would be a breeze. What starts out as a plan to win some easy money turns into Cartman struggling to finish the events and ends with him getting a “spirit award” for coming in dead last. It’s always satisfying to see Cartman’s terrible plans backfire in such an embarrassing way.

With a spelling bee coming up, Ms. Cartman decides to buy Eric a device to help him win. That normally wouldn’t be funny, except the tool in question is a live monkey with a drum set. Said monkey turns out to be Eric’s secret weapon for the spelling bee, as it plays the drums to help him spell. Watching the Fonics Monkey and Eric interact is hilarious, especially when the monkey stares him down and waits for him to start spelling. The funniest part, however, is when Cartman enters the spelling bee and fails at the first word - chair - because the Fonics Monkey won’t cooperate because it’s too busy doing something else. Cue an angry Cartman chasing the monkey offstage. Classic.

Cartman will do anything to get what he wants, often pursuing his desires at the expense of others. This is displayed to full effect when Kyle says that he’s going to Casa Bonita for his birthday and bringing Stan, Kenny, and Butters - instead of Eric. Cartman starts apologizing for his behavior, but learns he can only go if Butters can’t. So, what does he do? Why, he locks Butters in a bomb shelter, tells him a meteor hit the Earth and that radioactive cannibals now roam free. When people learn of his plan and call the police, Cartman makes one mad dash through Casa Bonita, culminating in him leaping off the fake waterfall. Was it worth it?

After Officer Barbrady resigns from the police force over his illiteracy, he enlists the boys’ help to learn how to read. Cartman, however, decides to take justice into his own hands and begins patrolling the street on a tricycle, pulling over people for speeding and beating people with his nightstick when they don’t listen to him. The most iconic part of this episode, however, comes from Cartman’s memorable quote: “respect my authoritah,” which he repeats whenever someone doesn’t listen to him. What else can we say? Watching Cartman act like a cop and enjoy beating people with a nightstick really never gets old. Just respect his authoritah, people.

Our number one pick is also without a doubt Cartman’s most infamous scene. Following sales of pubic hair, a specially trained pony and some very hairy chili, one would think that Eric and Scott Tenorman’s rivalry couldn’t get any worse. But you’d be wrong. Cartman doesn’t only vow revenge, but he also gets it in perhaps one of the most dastardly and diabolical plots ever in television history. He isn’t content with simply humiliating the eighth grader. Instead, he orchestrates the killing of Scott’s parents, and cooks them into a chili, which Scott then unknowingly eats. Eric goes so far as to lick the still-streaming tears from his rival’s face. Many years later, this scene is still as shocking and over the top as the day it aired. It’s messed up, but there’s also something darkly hilarious about watching Cartman explain his plan as his friends listen with visible horror.