What Does It Mean to Be Casually Dating—And Is It Right for You?

When it comes to dating and relationships, there's no "one size fits all" way to embrace this romantic experience, as the way you date is often dictated by where you are in life and what you're looking for in a partner. The logic is pretty simple: If you're ready for a serious commitment, you should actively seek out an individual who also desires to find a life-long love. But if you aren't sure of what you're looking for, or you simply aren't ready to commit to one person just yet, you may want to take a relaxed approach when meeting a new love interest. Enter: Casual dating.

Though you've likely heard the phrase "casual dating" several times before—it's often heavily tossed around in pop culture, with references frequently seen in books, TV shows, and movies—you might not know what this courting experience actually entails. Does it involve sexual intimacy? Is it okay to casually date multiple people? Are there pros and cons to this type of courtship? Here, we spoke with licensed marriage and family therapist Bree Jenkins to answer all your burning questions. Plus, we provide everything you need to know to help you determine if this type of informal dating process is right for you.

What Is Casual Dating?

Casual dating is a physical and emotional connection between people who go on dates without demanding or expecting the extra commitments of a more serious and exclusive romantic relationship. "I'm a fan of casual dating when you're coming out of a long-term relationship and want to experience connection without the seriousness of exclusivity, or when you're young and in a transitional period of life (prior to college, a summer before moving for a new job, etc), because it can give you the ability to enjoy and practice romantic connection and learn more about your wants, needs, and desires in a future partner," explains Jenkins.

The Pros of Casual Dating 

Casual dating can work well for many people—and there are numerous reasons why it can be the right choice for you. For instance, perhaps you just got out of a long-term relationship and you’re not interested in and/or ready to pursue anything serious with someone new at this current juncture. Or, maybe you’d prefer to date in a way that removes the underlying pressures, demands, and anxiety that can come from monogamy or a formal commitment. If these scenarios resonate with you, casual dating might be something to consider, as it enables you to partake in the dating world on your own terms and with your own rules. 

But that's not the only pro: This informal courtship can be an intriguing and exciting option because it allows you to keep the thrill of the chase alive. You can pursue and date multiple people at once, all while staying completely unattached and uncommitted. Essentially, casual dating leaves the door open for new people, new possibilities, and new experiences without the obligation or burden of being tied down.

The Cons of Casual Dating

There are several reasons why you may not want to engage in this kind of informal connection with others. First, you may find it awkward, inappropriate, or a bit unnatural to date many different people at once. You may also find it challenging to date more than one person in terms of your own schedule and other commitments—not to mention the fact that it can limit the amount of quality time that you’re able to spend with someone. After all, it can be difficult to learn anything beyond the superficialities and really get to know a person when you’re devoting your time elsewhere. You might even find it hard to keep track of who said what!

"It's harder to develop deep intimacy and emotional connection when casually dating people. The fact that your focus isn't on the other person and building a relationship usually means that you are not able to show up as your most loving and open self," Jenkins further shares. "Excessive and long-term casual dating can be exhausting, disappointing, and contribute to dating fatigue, emotional shallowness, and dismissive and commitment-avoidant tendencies if you never have a period where you're open to developing long-term connection and having patience with the fun and flaws of your romantic interests."

In addition, if you’re casually dating someone and then have the desire to take things to the next level, it can be hard for you to transition your casual connection to that of a committed relationship, as the person you’re dating may not be looking for anything serious. Along these lines, people casually dating occasionally find themselves longing for the deep connection, intimacy, and closeness that an exclusive and monogamous relationship can bring—and it's not uncommon to feel emotionally unfulfilled when embracing informal courtships.

How to Know If Casual Dating Is Right for You

If you’re wondering if casual dating is the right choice for you, it’s important to look internally in order to understand what your dating expectations are. While it may be difficult to ask yourself the tough questions, it’s time to reassess exactly what you’re looking for at this point in your life. "Some people engage in casual dating, but deeply desire commitment and long-term relationships, and this lack of authenticity with one's self or the potential partner can lead to hurt feelings and deep emotional pain," Jenkins notes.

Meaning, if you know in your heart that you’re looking for a serious relationship and long-term commitment, casual dating may not be the best choice. But, if you're fully aware of your wants and needs, and you truly don't want anything serious, casual dating can be a great option when it comes to getting to know multiple people at once and keeping your options open.

5 Expert-Approved Tips for Casual Dating

Below, Jenkins highlights five tips to keep in mind if you've decided that casual dating is right for you.

• Always be forthright about your intentions. "If you're online dating, choose casual dating on your profile. Be willing to say it plainly to someone you're dating. Don't minimize or over-promise potential for a relationship if you are truly fixed in your desire to be in a casual dating space."
  
• Practice ethical sexual intimacy. "Just because you are casually dating, does not mean you have to sleep with anyone or more than one person. If you do, enjoy but be safe and honest with others who inquire about multiple sexual partners. Ethical sexual consent means people are reasonably informed. Deception leads to drama."
• Have regular check-ins with yourself and your partner. "Check in with yourself and any partners at critical times when things may be entering a more serious dynamic through longevity, emotional, or sexual intimacy. Don't shy away from communicating if your needs have changed."
• Don't be afraid to walk away from your situation, if needed. "Be willing to walk away if your and your partner's desires no longer align, and things now feel hurtful because you've developed more serious feelings and they are intent on being solely casual. Don't assume, discuss!"
• Be mindful and courteous of your partner's feelings. "Be gracious and safe to hear any partner who may express more serious intent than casualness. You don't have to be serious if you're not in a position to or unwilling to, but you want to be mature and considerate in handling someone's feelings when you are honest with them in return."

Can Casual Dating Lead to Lasting Relationships?

Casual dating can lead to a lasting relationship, though it depends on whether "both parties are willing to be honest and respond to their mutual desire for things to change," explains Jenkins. "The nice thing about casually dating is that it does have the potential to evolve into something deeper. But it's better to not go into a casual dating arrangement with that exact agenda in mind. I like the idea of being emotionally mature enough to engage in casual dating while being open to evolving into more if the connection and dynamic feel right." In other words, if you want a serious, long-lasting commitment, it's best to be with someone who also wants the same type of union.