9 Mistakes You're Making With the Timing and Order of Your Wedding Dances

After you’ve walked down the aisle and exchanged vows, there’s just a few moments left in your wedding day where all eyes will be trained on you. Chief among them, of course, are the wedding dances, which remain special traditions shared by couples and other loved ones across weddings of all shapes and sizes.

“Dances are a great way to highlight the newlyweds and also honor the parents and family involved,” says Rebecca Steele, the head of an entertainment agency. For her part, event planner Aprill Gordon appreciates wedding dances for the reprieve they provide amidst the chaos of the day. “It’s a moment where the couple can stop and think ‘We did it! We’re actually married!’ and finally relax a bit,” she adds.

But the pomp and circumstance surrounding wedding dances can feel overwhelming—and figuring out when to have every one (and in what order) can make a couple more nervous than nailing that dip in front of a crowd. Read on to learn more about common mistakes couples make when choosing the timing and order of their wedding dances—as well as Steele and Gordon’s expert advice on what to do instead. 

Sticking to Tradition When It Doesn't Feel Right

It's your party—you don't have to dance if you don't want to! In a traditional heterosexual Western wedding, there have customarily been three main wedding dances: the couple’s first dance, the mother-son dance, and the father-daughter dance. That said, you aren’t beholden to any tradition that doesn’t suit your circumstances. Plenty of couples these days are opting to forgo their first dance in favor of a unique alternative, and are also subbing in cherished relatives and role models in the parent dances. 

“It’s important to honor who’s important to you,” Steele confirms. So go on, dance with your brother, a favorite uncle or aunt, or split the moment between your father and stepfather. “It’s a really nice way to share that relationship with your guests, and to acknowledge that person and how important they are in your life,” Gordon says. 

Adding in Too Many Extra Dances 

When it comes to dances beyond the main three, Steele advises adding in only one or two more at most if the audience will just be sitting and watching. “But, if guests can be involved somehow, then go for it—add whatever you want,” she adds. 

That said, there are ways to squeeze in more people into the same amount of time. “You can roll a dance—do one portion with one person, then switch off to a new partner—without losing the audience’s interest,” Gordon says. “I’ve also had couples have their mother-son and father-daughter dances happen at the same time, together.”

Not Splitting Up the Big Three 

“If you group too many things together—too many speeches, too many dances—people tend to lose interest,” Gordon says. For that reason, both she and Steele prefer to have the couple perform their first dance immediately after they are introduced at the reception. Then, dinner happens, and as guests get ready for the next portion of the evening, the parent dances can be introduced. “Use those parent dances to shift into your dance party,” Steele suggests. “It’s a natural transition, and it gives guests a second to finish eating.”

Not Using Group Dances Strategically 

From cultural dances such as the hora to love-’em-or-hate-’em line dances such as the Cupid Shuffle, group dances can be a great way to build momentum. “I love starting the dance set with the hora because everyone gets on the dance floor, from the oldest to the youngest,” Steele says. “That naturally lets the dance party start packed.” 

Gordon, on the other hand, tends to watch the energy of the room and inserts group dances strategically, when things need a little pick-me-up. “Twenty-five minutes in, people aren’t going as hard, or are maybe taking a break to hit the bar,” she explains. “That’s a good spot to switch up what’s happening and add in those group dances. They attract people back to the dance floor and keep the energy going.” 

Whatever route you take, just be sure you don’t save these dances for the very end of the reception. Group dances tend to attract the widest swath of ages, so you’ll want to include them before the older crowd (grandparents, family friends, etc.) calls it a night.

Dancing for Too Long

Per Steele, a minute-and-a-half to two minutes is the ideal length for a single wedding dance. “I do stress not to do it too short, though, because your photographer needs time to take photos,” she says. 

Booked a band instead of a DJ? If you’re confident in your moves, go ahead and extend it to three minutes. “The energy from live music is already more elevated, so you can get away with a bit longer,” Gordon says.

Go any longer, though, and it’ll begin to eat into your reception. When you add in introductions, walking up, hugs, the wind down, and any post-dance photos, Gordon estimates that each dance actually takes up five minutes at minimum, even if the dance itself is only two minutes long. With at least three dances on the docket, that’s a sizable chunk of time in a four- or five-hour reception.

Not Taking Advantage of Your Vendor’s Expertise 

Your music professionals are professionals for a reason—let them make the most of your big moment! They can advise you on what part of a song is the best to dance to, or even chop up the melody so all of your favorite parts are included within the desired window of time. 

“I’ve had some couples really like an intro, but then they prefer a verse that’s later on in the song,” says Gordon, who notes that many DJs are willing to recut a song to make this happen. Likewise, Steele advises that bands can make their own arrangements based on your preferences. So, if you have them, don’t be afraid to speak up! 

Forgoing Introductions 

Even the most carefree bohemian weddings benefit from a certain amount of structure. So, while you may hope that your wedding dances can bubble up organically without having to stop the flow of the evening, that likely won’t be the case. You’ll want someone guiding the action, and that’s where a DJ or emcee comes in.

“The DJ or emcee’s job is to say what’s happening, where to look, and who’s involved,” says Gordon. It’s important that they announce each dance so that guests can stop side conversations or, if they’re in another area of the celebration, venture back towards the main dance floor to take in the moment. 

These introductions also provide important context. “You want guests that may not be familiar with your family members or whoever is involved to know who the person is [that you’re dancing with],” Gordon explains. So, even if you cringe at the idea of a stranger with a microphone making potentially cheesy announcements throughout the night, know that they do more harm than good in the end.

Not Explaining Things in Advance

If you’re hoping to include a certain cultural dance or a flash mob-style moment in your wedding reception, know that stopping the action in the moment to explain what’s happening or offer instruction is definitely not the move. Instead, “assess your guests in advance,” advises Steele. “If 50 percent know what to do, you don’t need to worry. You’ll have enough people guiding those who don't.” 

If the number clocks in at less than 50, find an instructional video online and send it to key stakeholders in the day, such as your wedding party and very close friends and family. They’ll be able to lead others come celebration time.

Not Knowing Your Limit 

“If you’re not a dancer, or you’re nervous in front of a crowd, I wouldn’t do a complicated choreographed dance,” says Gordon. “That puts you in a position to forget steps or not really enjoy the moment.” Instead, she suggests learning to turn your partner, plus a few other simple moves. That way, you don’t have to necessarily remember choreography, you just have to remember to follow each other.