38 Jokes From "Friends" That I Will Still Laugh At On My Billionth Watch

    Joey mistook "omnipotent" for a very different, similar-sounding word.

    Hope Lasater
    by Hope Lasater

    BuzzFeed Staff

    1. First off, Joey's attempt to help Ross talk about something uncomfortable. It may be my favorite Friends joke.

    Ross says, "Do you have a minute, I'd like to talk to you about something I'm really uncomfortable talking about," Joey says, "Sure, how about, uh, you showering with your mom," and Ross says, "I actually had a topic in mind"
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    2. Chandler's baby proposition to Monica.

    Chandler says, When we're 40, if neither of us are married, why don't you and I have one, Monica says, Why won't I be married when I'm 40, Chandler says, No, I meant hypothetically, and Monica says, Okay, hypothetically, why won't I be married when I'm 40
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    3. Phoebe's sorority.

    Melissa says, Phoebe, were you ever in a sorority, and Phoebe says, Of course, yeah, I was, uh, um, Thi Mega Tampon
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    4. What Joey would do if he were omnipotent for a day.

    Joey says, "Hey, if Little Joey's dead, then I got no reason to live, you know," Ross says, "Joey, OMnipotent," and Joey asks, "You are"
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    5. Chandler's compliment after accidentally seeing Rachel topless.

    Chandler says, You know, I don't know why you're so embarrassed, they were very nice boobies, and Rachel says, Nice, they were nice, I mean, that's it, I mean, mittens are nice
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    6. Plus, tit for tat.

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    7. Joey's way to remember what day Thursday is.

    Joey says, "Monday, one day, Tuesday, two day, Wednesday, when, huh, what day, Thursday, the third day"
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    8. When Emma was late.

    Rachel says, I have never been so uncomfortable in my entire life, Phoebe says, I know, I've been there, I remember toward the end, and Rachel cuts her off to say, Phoebe, that's a great story, could you tell it to me while you're getting me some iced tea
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    9. Monica and Chandler trying to secretly hook up at Ross's wedding.

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    10. Joey's song for his identical hand twin.

    Joey says, "And I wrote a song for us, this hand is your hand, this hand is my hand, oh wait that's your hand, no wait it's my hand"
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    11. Rachel's impeccable takedown.

    Chandler says, "Rachel, when you were going out with Ross, did it bother you when he flirted with other women," and Rachel says, "Uh, no, no, it bothered me when he slept with other women"
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    12. My eyes, my eyes.

    Phoebe sees Monica and Chandler in the window and says, "Hey you guys," they start hooking up and Phoebe screams, Rachel asks, 'What," Phoebe says, "Chandler and Monica, Chandler and MONICA," Rachel says, "Oh my god," and Phoebe says, "My eyes, my eyes"
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    13. How often Joey is sexually active.

    Chandler asks, You've had a lot of sex, right, and Joey says, When, today, some, not a lot
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    14. The side salad.

    Rachel says, Okay, I will have the side salad, the server says, And what would that be on the side of, and Rachel says, I don't know, why don't you just put it right here next to my water
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    15. College Chandler and College Ross discussing their music.

    Ross says, "So I'm thinking of asking Rachel out tonight, you know, maybe playing her that song we wrote last week," Chandler asks, "Emotional Knapsack," Ross says, "Yeah," and Chandler says, "Right on"
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    16. And their fake IDs.

    Chandler says, "We're gonna test out our fake I.D.s tonight, right, Clifford Alvarez," and Ross says, "Listen, Roland Chang"
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    17. Phoebe's attraction to Monica and Ross's dad.

    Phoebe says to Rachel about Jack, "Okay, look at him, look at those strong hands, oh, what I wouldn't give to be that can of...condensed milk"
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    18. Phoebe's tiny dot of a tattoo.

    Rachel says, He barely touched her with the needle, she screamed and that was it, and Phoebe says, For your information, this is what I wanted, a tattoo of the earth as seen from a great, great distance, it's the way my mother sees me from heaven
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    19. When Joey was on Pyramid.

    The word is cream, Joey's partner says, "It's white" and Joey says, "Paper, snow, a ghost"
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    20. The date plans.

    Phoebe says, "Should we say around seven," Chandler says, "...Yes," and Phoebe says, "Good, I'm really looking forward to you and me having sexual intercourse"
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    21. Monica's biggest pet peeve.

    Ross asks, What is Monica's biggest pet peeve, Joey says, Animals dressed as humans, and Ross says, That's correct
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    22. And Rachel's favorite movie.

    Ross says, Rachel claims this is her favorite movie, Chandler says, Dangerous Liaisons, Ross says, Correct, her actual favorite movie is, Joey says, Weekend at Bernie's, and Ross says, Correct
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    23. It's not named after each individual man.

    Chandler says, Would you put that back on, Monica's gonna be here any minute, Joey says, But it hurts my Joey's Apple, and Chandler says, Okay, for the last time, it's not named after each individual man
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    24. Rachel's joy.

    Rachel says, I mean, isn't that just kick you in the crotch, spit on your neck fantastic
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    25. Chandler not crying at Bambi.

    Joey asks, You didn't cry when Bambi's mother died, and Chandler says, Yes, it was very sad when the guy stopped drawing the deer
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    26. Why Phoebe couldn't help.

    Joey says, Hey Pheebs, you wanna help, and Phoebe says, Oh, I wish I could, but I don't want to
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    27. Monica's stress around catering Carol and Susan's wedding.

    Monica asks, So we're back on, Carol says, We're back on, and Monica says, You heard the woman, PEEL, CHOP, DEVIL
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    28. Ross's backtracking.

    Ross says, "I think you reach a certain age having a roommate is just kind of pathe..." Rachel and Monica look at each other and Joey and Chandler look at each other, and Ross says, "that's pathet, which is Sanskrit for 'really cool way to live'"
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    29. Monica's potential future friends.

    Rachel says, Alright, believe me, if you win the lottery, it's the last you're gonna hear from us, and Monica says, Fine, Don't be my friends, I'll buy new friends, Yeah, and then I'll pay for their plastic surgery so they look just like you
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    30. When Rachel destroyed Ross with the part of his "con list" that said she had chubby ankles.

    Rachel says, "Is that him again, tell him I'd come to the phone but my ankles are weighing me down"
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    31. Phoebe just found out about Monica and Chandler.

    Rachel says, "Phoebe just found out about Monica and Chandler," then Joey asks, "You mean how they're friends and nothing more," before glaring at Rachel
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    32. When Phoebe gave Rachel her old maternity pants.

    Phoebe says, "See how they expand as the baby grows, and then, after the baby's born, they're great for shoplifting melons"
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    33. The knife in Rachel's back.

    Monica says, I feel terrible. I really do, and Rachel says, Oh, I'm sorry, did my back hurt your knife
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    34. I grow it myself.

    While she's cutting Chandler's hair, Kathy says You have really great hair, and Chandler says, Well thanks, I grow it myself
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    35. When Chandler had to read a fake short story so Rachel wouldn't know a piece of paper was actually a pro/con list about her.

    Chandler pretends to read, "It was Summer, and it was hot, Rachel was there, a lonely gray couch, 'Oh look,' cried Ned, and then the kingdom was his forever, the end"
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    36. When Monica was drunk at her surprise 30th birthday party.

    Monica says, I'm drunk, that's right, mom and dad, your little harmomica is hammered
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    37. Rachel's reaction to her first paycheck.

    Rachel says, Who's FICA, Why is he getting all my money
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    38. And finally, of course, could I be wearing any more clothes?

    Joey says, "Look at me, I'm Chandler, could I BE wearing any more clothes, maybe if I wasn't going commando, I'll tell ya, it's hot with all this stuff on, I better not do any, I don't know, lunges" and he lunges
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