Siamese Nation

SIAMESE NATION

GODS EXPERIMENTS

By Christen E

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Smashwords Edition

Copyright © 2013 by Christen E. All rights reserved.

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Contents

Introduction

A Guide to Surviving One’s Death

The Zip

In The Toilet

Train Tracks

Mysterious Ways

The Revenge of Conscience

The Dribbler

Siamese Nation

The Bus to Nowhere

A Simple Purchase

Stupidity Made Complicated

The Devil’s Shadow

Authority

Nationalities

Vision Café

Leafoid

The Cliff of Doors

The Race of Life

God Goes To Cambridge

The Great Ones

Doing My Job

Theatre

Mobilette

At the Gates of Heaven

Necessary Necessities

The First Coming

Christolides of Earth

Introduction

Siamese Nation is one of about twenty short stories: serious, irreverent and satirical, which explore the inventions and commonly assigned aspects of the biblical god. Whether the biblical god exists or not has no real relevance as these stories explore wild creation possibilities, and have fun with God’s so-called attributes of mercy, omnipotence and omniscience.

In Siamese Nation, a planet of unique alternative life forms, including a nation of Siamese twins on a grand scale, all live in innocent harmony, in spite of their completely different physical shapes and psychologies. For one species, death is simply a hobby (from which they always recover), and so they enjoy committing suicide on a daily basis!

In another story, the classic hero defies death and wins, and in another tale a fanatic attempts to get god’s autograph, while in yet another, a man enters a dream dimension where gods, saints, witches and an assortment of aliens race around an infinite track, occasionally taking coffee breaks. In God Goes to Cambridge, god attempts to enlist as a student in Cambridge University - but is initially rejected.

Some of these stories have nothing to do with god, but explore other metaphysical possibilities. In Vision Café there is a humorous look at the world - inner and outer - we normally don’t see or acknowledge.

My stories are brief unexpected tales - intellectual explorations, unbridled silliness and imaginative flights. They do, however, challenge taboos and conventions, to varying degrees, and seek to stimulate, challenge and entertain my readers.

ECH April 2013

A Guide to Surviving One’s Death

Scenario A

You have jumped out of a plane, and whilst falling cannot open your parachute! The scream that tears itself from your throat is terminated by a huge ‘THUD’ as your body hits the ground. Reverberations multiply, a million past images assault you and then fade into eternity… You are enveloped by a consuming darkness. Something disengages, though not without friction, and there you are, in shock, looking down at your shattered remains!

You then notice a warm glow of light somewhere to your left. Drift towards the light.

Scenario B

You are a foreign visitor supporting a Spanish football team, which has just defeated the local British football team. You are leaving the stadium with friends and looking forward to returning to your sunny home. Unexpectedly, a gang of English football fans comes round the corner. They are drunken hooligans looking for trouble and start taunting you. Your friends immediately flee, calling after you, but you stand your ground. You have stood in a ring with a bull - so why should skinhead thugs intimidate you? Raising your fists you swear at them in the most guttural Spanish.

They run at you and you fight like a maniac! Nevertheless, with a few minutes you have been beaten to death. In spirit, you rise out of your body and look down at the mindless thugs - still kicking your lifeless body! You glimpse a bright light in the distance. It comes closer and closer and you are drawn to it. Move quickly towards the light.

Scenario C

You have been swimming underwater for hours, when you suddenly realize that the oxygen supply in your shoulder-mounted cylinders must have run out ages ago! Clearly, you have drowned, and then vaguely, you recall the choking, the panic, and asphyxiation… You have been swimming in denial! Your body is surely lost by now. Just before you, amidst a rambling coral reef, you see an opening with a welcoming white light. Swim to the light.

The Zip

Very few people know that there is a zip around the universe. Okay, to be honest nobody knows. But then again, I know and the thought must have been planted here by some unseen entity, so at least one other person or creature knows. Of course, the divine (or not so divine) being who put the zip there must also be fully aware of its existence.

But why is there a zip around the universe? What is it keeping in and who in or perhaps I should say out of the universe could seriously open it? Further, why would they want to open it? The universe, which presumably is everything that exists, could well be a Pandora’s box of unwanted deviants! Then there is the question of whether it is actually a physical zip, such as the one used to zip up my jeans, or a metaphorical zip? This last may simply be a way of containing or packaging the universe – perhaps a kind of gravitational belt - and of course, the purpose of a zip is to provide access to the contents as required: a flexible temporary kind of seal.

So who would zip up the universe? My theory is that the universe is God’s Purse! When he or she or whatever, goes shopping in the celestial multi-verse, he or she or whatever, opens it up briefly to pay for whatever is being bought. The most expensive purchase may cost as much as a galaxy - its entire fleet of stars and sentient life forms!

Yes! You, me, the earth, space, the stars and galaxies are just currency. Now, when you hear people saying that everything is about money, you can be sure that they cannot imagine how right they are!

In The Toilet

It was the old-fashioned toilet chain that started the argument. All of a sudden it declared that it was the most important element in the Lavatory.

Without me, It began, "the Gods would not be able to flush their earthly gifts into the bowels of Our Mother." The water tank burped and spluttered,

Rubbish! which caused the chain to swing nervously. You, it contested, "are just the agent of release. It is the precious water that I hold which transports the offerings."

Oh yes, indeed! snapped the toilet seat, "but it is not on you that the ‘great ones’ sit – nor would they if they could. Without my sleek and comforting embrace, believe me, the Gods would probably go somewhere else." And then the toilet bowl itself spoke.

"Listen to you all. It is I who play the central role and in fact this temple is named after me. Everyone else kept quiet before the deep voice of the china bowl. As for you, toilet seat, you are nothing more than my lips."

A deep vibration then shook the whole room. A voice that emerged through the toilet bowl but clearly not its own, boomed terrifyingly, into the room.

AND WHAT OF ME? It asked to the paralyzed audience. I AM THE PIPE TO WHICH YOU ARE ALL CONNECTED. TOILET BOWL IS MERELY MY MOUTH BUT I AM THE TRUNK THAT WASHES AWAY WHAT THE GODS LEAVE BEHIND…

And the voice receded for the familiar sounds of approaching footsteps were heard. All the toilet implements hushed each other as they waited for the sacred moment when the God would enter.

Train Tracks

As soon as she was able to feel that she existed on some level, to begin to assert her individuality and then assess the dark environment around her, a giant hand descended from high above and grabbed her roughly. She was lifted up into a blindingly bright world and deposited on a track of sorts. It was a pathway made up of parallel metal rails supported on wood blocks. She was surprised that she fitted onto it so precisely and gradually realized that her feet were hard and round. Looking away she saw the track disappear far into the distance. She could not determine an end or a destination and for the first time was gripped by an indefinable hopelessness.

Suddenly, she felt a push and off she rolled down the pathway. ‘How noisy and heavy I am,’ she gathered as she went along. Soon she noticed others like her moving on other tracks in various directions. It was as if each one of them had a route or destiny assigned to them from inception. She wasn’t sure if she liked the rigidity of it all. After some time she reached the end of her track and there was a non-descript structure there, its gray shadow looming intrusively over her.

Then it happened again. The huge hand fell upon her, picked her up, turned her around and placed her back on the same track. Presently, something shoved her from behind and off she went. Eventually, she returned to the place of her birth, which turned out to be a big metal structure with many angles and a high roof. As she entered she noticed several others (her sisters?) resting in tracks parallel to hers. As she came to a standstill the nearest one started talking to her.

Hello kid, it said. Welcome to the world of trains!

Trains? repeated the newcomer timidly.

Yes, we are all trains here. And what is the point of our existence young thing? Training! concluded the neighbor. The younger train thought about this, and puzzled said,

I don’t understand. The other hesitated and looked with more attention at his junior. It realized that it had just finished its first journey and would not comprehend anything of substance. It was inexperienced and afraid.

Oh, my little dear, it ventured. "We are learning something that is