Begin with "I"

Mandela

1. Ron, the average guy!

This is a short story about a guy called Ron. Ron is 30 years old and has done a fairly good job at convincing himself all these years, especially the last few years that he has spent working in a corporate job, that he is an ‘average’ guy. Now, since Ron himself is so convinced of it, I don’t think the world can do much about it, so let me start by introducing Ron as a 30-year-old average guy.

Ron is an average guy, not so much because of anything else, as much as he himself being convinced of it!

Like most of us, Ron went to college so he could make a decent living. He wakes up in the morning, gets ready and joins two of his colleagues living close by, in a car pool to reach office. Ron lives the typical week-in week-out life of a professional, eagerly waiting for weekends, most of which are spent catching up on rest and hanging out with friends. The latter is more applicable in the case of single people, and since Ron is single, this is how he ends up spending most of his time.

It has been six years since Ron has completed his MBA. He loves to spend time on social networks like most people of this generation. However, sometimes his mind gets totally hijacked. He feels like he is doing ‘not-so-well’ in his own life when he sees what his batchmates have been up to all these years. Some seem to have progressed really fast in their jobs and are handling fairly senior roles. A couple of them who started their own companies are now featuring on national television and raising millions of dollars in foreign investment. Some others, who were clear on their priority to build a family, got married early and now look quite happy with their kids growing up fast and strong. Some others seem to have begun devoting time to more standard activities such as running, blogging, painting, cooking, photography, dancing, and traveling to get their creative releases that the typical corporate jobs do not fully allow. Oh yes, add bungee jumping and skydiving to the list as well!

Absorbing all this information from the social networks, Ron’s mind tends to quickly construct a guy who has done all of these things – someone who is progressing fast in his career, runs marathons, vacations abroad, invests his money wisely in building assets and has a happy family life.

Figure 1: Ron feels he is doing ‘not-so-well’

Social networks make Ron feel he is doing ‘not-so-well’

in his own life.

Comparing himself to this fictitious guy – and since our minds cannot tell the difference between a real experience and a vividly imagined one – Ron feels significantly left behind in the past six years out of campus. He cannot stop his mind from extrapolating this difference over next twenty years and gets totally freaked out. By playing this game, Ron’s mind almost always succeeds in putting him into instant depression.

Figure 2: Being left way behind in twenty years!

This feeling has started to bother Ron more and more recently, however, he does not really know how to come out of it. Not having a clear passion and not sure what would be the best use of his time, Ron ends up spending most of his time with his friends who are also in similar situations. All their discussions focus on how they have already been left behind. Ron realizes that having the same discussions over and over with the same people would not bring any results. But, at least he feels understood and feels a strong sense of connection when he shares his troubles with people in similar situations.

Although Ron lives a fairly comfortable life, he feels that something is missing from the entire scheme of things in his life. It is almost as if his expectations out of life, say, ten years ago did not get fulfilled. He feels ‘stuck’, as though he is still struggling to accept if that is all life had to offer, after all the hard work he put in all these years to establish himself.

Although Ron’s life is comfortable, he feels something is missing from the entire scheme of things in his life.

He has many questions in mind about his career, the absence of a clear passion, the absence of a perfect life partner and the overall direction in which his life is headed. He realizes from people though that having a married life, especially kids, creates a lot of meaning and purpose in peoples’ lives. He is hopeful that his life might also get a purpose once he finds the ‘right’ person. He questions himself a lot, discusses these topics on-and-off with people around him but somehow has still not reached any conclusions. On any given day, he can experience a full range of conflicting emotions about himself and his life: sure and unsure, secure and insecure, excited and bored, loved and lonely, fulfilled and empty, impactful and meaningless, all within a duration of just a couple of hours.

Figure 3: Ron’s feelings

Ron is fine with his job, especially since it pays his bills. At the same time, he is a bit unhappy as he feels that he can do more than his job allows him to. He also does not clearly see how far his job can take him. However, he is not too unhappy with it that he will make a change, so continues to live in that in-between zone, more commonly known as the ‘comfort zone’. He understands that it is difficult to create anything of extraordinary significance from this zone, however, he is too reluctant to let go of it. Or putting it in other words, between ‘fear of uncertainty’ and ‘boredom and meaninglessness’, he has decided to choose the latter, and well, it seems to be the more commonly adopted choice in general by everyone around him.

Between ‘fear of uncertainty’ and ‘boredom and meaninglessness’, he has decided to choose the latter, and well, it seems to be the more commonly adopted choice in general by everyone around him.

Ron’s health is fine. He goes for brisk walks and the occasional swim whenever he can find time. Health has not been an area that he has consciously focused on so far, but he is increasingly beginning to realize the need to start. This push comes from a combined pressure of feeling the impact of ageing within his own body and the fact that some of his peers are running full marathons – needless to say they publish those pictures on social networks.

Ron’s financial situation seems fine too. He is able to afford the necessities while saving money for his future. He bought a house last year, where he currently lives and pays regular mortgage payments.

So what areas of Ron’s life did we not talk about? We covered the Physical (Health), Intellectual (Work), Social (Relationships), and Financial (Money). Oh yes! We missed Spiritual (Soul), kind of an important one!

We covered Physical (Health), Intellectual (Work), Social (Relationships), and Financial (Money). Oh yes! We missed Spiritual (Soul), kind of an important one!

Spiritually, Ron always had a strong sense of faith. However, over last few years, he has started to feel lost, trying to find his place in the world. His overall guiding philosophy of ‘do good from your side and life will take care of your results’ that used to work well till his education, seems to have stopped working. To summarize, we can say that in an uncertain world, his faith does not provide him with an absolute sense of certainty anymore.

Figure 4: Ron’s description

2. The magical meeting

Life moves on, day-in day-out. The questions in Ron’s head become louder with each passing day. On one of the days, Ron gets to know that a classmate from his MBA program has resigned from his job and is going to US for higher studies in the area of his interest. For reasons beyond his comprehension, Ron begins to feel disturbed. Since he has always liked his classmate, he is unable to figure out why he feels bad about this news at all.

Ron helplessly tosses and turns in bed with no hint of sleep. He knows this lack of sleep. It happened to him in the past on nights when he was too anxious. However, the frequency seems to have increased considerably in the last few months primarily triggered by new pieces of similar information. In his moments of helplessness and anxiety about his feeling of being ‘stuck’ and not being able to foresee an appealing future for himself, Ron starts to frantically challenge his faith and pray that some path be shown, to get him out of this life of constantly ‘dragging himself’ through the days.

Ron is desperate to seek a way out of this life of constantly ‘dragging himself’ through the days.

In a trance-like state, half-asleep, half-awake, Ron feels a sudden rush of energy and certainty, as if all his prayers have been answered. A gentleman stands before him – who to be described in the least words, would be the ideal version of Ron – smart, elegant, fit, and most importantly carrying a happy glow on his face. Ron recognizes this glow. He used to have it until a decade ago. He is absolutely startled to see this person smile at him. He shouts out loud in astonishment, Hey, who are you?

Figure 5: Answering of Ron’s prayers

Ron, I know you are surprised to see me! I was expecting this reaction. Do not be surprised. I am you, five years into the future, from where you are right now. To give me a name, you can call me Ron+! If we decide to call me anything else, then you will start to disassociate me from yourself, convincing yourself that it is impossible to get here!

Ron+! I like that name! I can see that you are quite an enhanced version of my current self, so let’s stick to it. What do you do these days, how’s your life?

My life is excellent! I like my progress in most areas of life and I work hard to maintain and push it further. I wanted to change my job five years ago but decided not to. I changed my attitude instead and I realized that I started to like the same company and the same people more than I ever did before. I stuck around, worked even harder, got two promotions and now handle a fairly senior role for them. On the health front, I progressed with my physical training and have been running full marathons for the last couple of years.

Figure 6: Ron+’s description

Wow! That sounds great! On the personal front, did you manage to find someone?

Yes! I got married three years ago to my ‘perfect’ partner! She is exactly the one who I always imagined myself settling down with!

Wow, that’s super! But really, I could have never imagined myself to be ever like you!

That’s fine Ron. It is quite normal. Most people are unable to visualize their best selves and that is one of the key reasons for why they are not inspired to get there. I understand you have been struggling with some questions in your mind. I am here to help you find the answers. In fact, you have all of them within you already. I will support you in bringing them forth. Let me start by telling you that none of the questions you are struggling with is new. These questions have been around for centuries and the approaches to get to the answers are already well-documented.

Well, if the answers are available so easily, why do I see many people around me struggling to find them?

Tell me this. Ron, do you think wisdom can be shared?

Hmm… Not sure, may be not!

You are right! It is knowledge that can be shared. That’s what I will share with you. Wisdom is more like a Do-It-Yourself (DIY) project. The documented principles can show you the path. It is you who will have to walk the path to get your answers. Every individual on this earth is unique and very different from anyone else that has been here and will ever be, and so are the answers for every individual.

Ron+, how did you become the way you are?

It’s not rocket science! In fact, rocket science might just be the only thing that is truly rocket science. You can say that I was living a life exactly like yours five years ago, struggling to accept the meaninglessness of the whole thing and having a zillion questions on my mind – the same ones as you have now. And one day, a key insight struck me – ‘I was looking for answers in places where they did not exist.’

Oh! What do you mean? Can you elaborate?

Sure. Leading my usual day-to-day life and expecting answers to my questions from the people and environment around me was not the right approach. I decided to make a change in the places I was looking for the answers in, and the people I was discussing my questions with. On my single-minded quest for the answers, I became a voracious reader. I started reading books in self-help, psychology, philosophy, personal development, leadership, communication, mind-body connection, spirituality, and autobiographies and biographies of successful people. I listened to audio tapes, watched interviews, and participated in multiple training programs. In fact, I tried every source I could, to hear from the people who seemed to genuinely lead more fulfilling and enriched lives.

Hmm… and what did you find?

"I confirmed my understanding of the principles and began testing some of the tools and strategies in my own life, and guess what? With consistent application, they seemed to produce results! On a daily basis, what we live are not our lives, but really our habits and patterns. It is estimated that 90% of our daily decisions are governed by our habits. It is perfectly fine to live our habits as they make our lives simpler and we do not need to take every small decision every day. However, the challenge begins when some of the habits that