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    Be the Parent: Seven Choices You can Make to Raise Great Kids
    Be the Parent: Seven Choices You can Make to Raise Great Kids
    Be the Parent: Seven Choices You can Make to Raise Great Kids
    Ebook141 pages2 hours

    Be the Parent: Seven Choices You can Make to Raise Great Kids

    By Kendra Smiley

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    About this ebook

    Instead of tuning in to Super Nanny or Nanny 911, pick up this humorous yet biblically-solid book of parenting advice. Kendra Smiley, author of High Wire Mom and Aaron's Way, once again hits on a subject that moms and dads are longing to hear: how can I be a better parent and raise great and godly children? With wisdom gleaned both as parent and teacher, Kendra suggests seven proactive choices parents can make to help reduce family stress and avoid parenting emergencies. Each chapter ends with a dash of advice from her husband, John, who offers a dad's point of view. Whether exhausted and struggling or just longing to improve their skills, Be the Parent is the perfect resource for moms and dads seeking to positively impact their children. Includes survey responses from real parents.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherMoody Publishers
    Release dateJan 1, 2006
    ISBN9781575674599
    Be the Parent: Seven Choices You can Make to Raise Great Kids
    Author

    Kendra Smiley

    KENDRA SMILEY is a popular author and speaker, ministering to women nationally and internationally. She brings wit and wisdom to her writing, speaking, and national radio program, “Live Life Intentionally,” heard on over 350 stations. Named Illinois Mother of the Year in 2001, Kendra and her husband, John, a former military pilot, live on a farm in central Illinois where they raised their three sons, all of whom are married and are parents themselves. Kendra is the author of nine books and has contributed to many others. You can visit her online at kendrasmiley.com. 

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      Book preview

      Be the Parent - Kendra Smiley

      parenting.

      Introduction

      911, Emergency. May I help you?"

      Yes, the frazzled voice replied. I’m at the grocery store and my two children have just knocked down the toilet paper display!

      I see. Is anyone injured?

      Oh no, that’s part of the problem. Wait, I didn’t mean it like that. No, nobody is injured. The kids ran away as soon as things started falling.

      So your children are lost? Is that the problem?

      "No, they’re not lost. I can hear one of them in aisle three, sorting through the cereal. And the other one must be in the produce section. I hear falling fruit."

      Then your children are not hurt or lost?

      No, but I am! I’m hurt by the embarrassment of another grocery store fiasco and lost about what to do. I’m having an emergency!

      Have you been there? Have you personally experienced a grocery store fiasco filled with embarrassment and exasperation? Are you wondering if there is anything you can do to avoid repeating an incident like that again? Take heart. There is no emergency number you can phone, but you hold in your hands a powerful weapon to help you combat, and even prevent, the next emergency. Read on and become empowered to Be The Parent.

      Proactive Parenting

      Everyone who has ever been given the privilege and responsibility of parenting has dealt with the challenge of preparing versus reacting, of being a proactive parent rather than a reactive one. Being proactive means being prepared.

      My mother was someone who lived by the Boy Scout motto, Be prepared. This was a woman whose car had a trunk filled with emergency necessities. There was a flashlight, a blanket, a tool kit, jumper cables, a first aid kit, and a snow shovel in the extensive inventory. Now the fact that she drove no more than six miles from home and did not drive in the snow or after dark might suggest that she was overprepared. And truthfully, even with her obsessiveness about being prepared for any and every emergency, it really could not be done.

      I’m not suggesting that you carry a trunkful of supplies to combat every parental emergency that might arise. That is impossible anyway. Instead, I am challenging you to make seven choices to raise great kids. These choices have the potential to change you from a parent in turmoil to one who has the time, energy, and ability to enjoy the task at hand, the task of parenting.

      Let’s look back at our panicked parent. How could that grocery store scenario have been different? A proactive parent, one who has taken the initiative to make the seven choices to raise great kids, will anticipate the potential challenges in a particular setting. With that anticipation comes the establishment of boundaries, guidelines for appropriate behavior. Let me give you an idea of some helpful rules for the grocery store. Remember that children don’t instinctively know the behavior boundaries for a given situation. It is important to take the time to communicate with your child beforehand.

      Grocery Store Guidelines

      Your child will:

      Stay in the cart or walk beside it.

      Walk and not run in the grocery store.

      Select something from the shelf only if asked to do so.

      Choose a treat only if this has been prearranged.

      Understand that any infraction of these rules will result in an appropriate, predetermined punishment.

      When a child knows the boundaries and respects them, you have a wonderful opportunity to praise his behavior. A trip to the grocery store can actually be a fun outing for parent and child if you have established reasonable guidelines before shopping, if you have chosen to be proactive

      But Kendra, that takes time. Correct. Proactive parenting takes time, but so does reactive parenting. And the latter typically takes not only time—it is also usually accompanied by embarrassment, anger, annoyance, frustration and exhaustion. You make the choice.

      Be the Parent highlights seven intentional choices. Each choice is embodied by five action steps, with added feedback from John—the resident dad—and families who face challenges similar to yours. In sidebars throughout the book, we’ve included findings from an independent, national survey of hundreds of Christian parents: married, divorced, and single. These statistics reveal and confirm some of the concerns most frequently voiced in our parenting seminars.

      Understanding the issues that you and other parents like you are facing, our goal is to help you learn ways to make your home life more tranquil and happy while raising great children. How can we help? By preparing you to make positive choices on a daily basis.

      Let’s begin with Choice #1: Choose to Be The Parent.

      Choose to Be the Parent

      Honey, hop into your car seat, and I’ll buckle you up."

      No! I don’t want to sit in my seat! I don’t want to wear a seat belt! I don’t want to go for a ride!

      Now what? What’s a parent to do when a request is denied? What’s next when an order is turned down by a four-year-old as though it was an option? What should you do if the command to hop into your car seat turns into World War III with your preschooler protesting loudly, kicking furiously, and swinging like a boxer? Now what?

      Scenarios like this happen every day. Sometimes the disobedience or threatened disobedience is subtle: I don’t want to get in my seat, the youngster says calmly. I’m tired. Do we have to go to the store today? Could we go tomorrow?

      Sometimes it is radical: I hate my car seat, shrieks the toddler. I hate this car! I hate you!

      No one wants to have her parental authority questioned. When your child’s challenge is a mild one, it is upsetting. When the response is extreme, it can be devastating. You think you are failing. Your household has been turned upside down, and you feel like you are the worst parent in the entire world! Those thoughts are very real, but they are not accurate. The question is not, Who is the worst parent in the entire world? (I’d hate to judge that contest.) The question is, Now what?

      I am the parent. He is the child. I said those two sentences more than once as we were raising our kids. Who was I trying to convince? Probably both of us, myself and my child. Actually, it was more of a reminder—a reminder I needed when there had been a mysterious role reversal. Saying, I am the parent. He is the child, helped me restore each one of us to our proper place.

      I am the parent. Sounds simple, doesn’t it? Of course I’m the parent. Obviously I’m the parent. I’m older. I’m wiser. I pay the bills. I make the decisions. I’m the one who is in charge. Well, um, maybe not all the time. In fact, my recollection is that the two sentences quoted above were uttered because I had momentarily abdicated the throne and was no longer in charge (or at least things were moving in that direction). Somehow, one of my little sweeties, albeit the cunning toddler or the charming grade school boy, was taking control. Granted, he was neither qualified nor chosen to be in command, but evidently he had forgotten that he was the child and that I was the parent. And I guess I had forgotten it too! I was in the same position as the parent with the car seat protestor. An order was given and was being debated. That parent’s authority was in question.

      Who’s in Charge?

      We have a problem in our home, the young father began as he was handed the microphone. We had just finished a strong-willed child seminar and had opened it up for questions. We have a problem in our home, the father said. Our four-year-old daughter is running the house. What can we do? That was it. This dear man was obviously at the end of his rope, and the knot he was clinging to was fraying. His authority had been usurped by a very strong-willed child.

      The honesty of that father must be appreciated and applauded. In the auditorium, heads nodded in affirmation, agreement, and commiseration. Confusion of the roles of parent and child is not unusual. After having addressed thousands of parents and answered numerous questions in seminars, workshops, and via email, I can attest to the fact that role reversal is a common problem.

      So what is the answer?

      The first step is precisely what we heard from that father: Admit it when there is a problem in need of a solution.

      Admit it when a problem exists.

      You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.

      —John 8:32

      By holding this book in your hands, it would seem that you are willing to admit, or at least consider the idea, that there is room for help in some areas of parenting. Admitting that a problem exists may

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