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    Dying to Live
    Dying to Live
    Dying to Live
    Ebook112 pages2 hours

    Dying to Live

    By John Brooks

    ()

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    About this ebook

    Christianity hangs its whole hope upon this thing that is called grace and many
    live as if the scales of balance are skewed. They see God as the great bookkeeper,
    pouring over accounts on a cluttered desk as he strikes a black line through the
    names of those who don’t meet His standards.
    It is truly a tragedy that we do not see the unconditional grace that God pours
    out on us at an incalculable cost, and His desire for absolute good in our lives.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherBookBaby
    Release dateJan 22, 2018
    ISBN9781543923643
    Dying to Live
    Author

    John Brooks

    John Brooks, a former senior financial executive in the broadcast and media industry, has turned to writing, mental health activism, and volunteer work with teenagers in Marin County, California. He also maintains a blog at ParentingandAttachment.com, to share his experience and educate other adoptive families about parenting and therapy techniques unique to children with attachment issues. The Girl Behind the Door, winner of the 2015 Benjamin Franklin Parenting Award for Parenting and Family issues, is his first book.

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      Book preview

      Dying to Live - John Brooks

      FLAT ON MY FACE

      INTRODUCTION

      Grace, what does it mean and how far does it go in our lives? What is the extent of its power to overcome the darkness that fills and surrounds us at every point?

      Christianity hangs its whole hope upon this thing that is called grace and many live as if the scales of balance are skewed. They see God as the great bookkeeper, pouring over accounts on a cluttered desk as he strikes a black line through the names of those who don’t meet His standards.

      It is truly a tragedy that we do not see the unconditional grace that God pours out on us at an incalculable cost, and His desire for absolute good in our lives.

      __________________________

      Have you ever failed in life? The kind of failure where you fall flat on your face, hitting the ground before you have even realized that you’ve fallen?

      It’s not an easy thing to admit in a world that evaluates our self worth by our performance. One more failure, one more sin, one more time to let others down. The weight of guilt gets heavier each time as the voices of darkness whisper in our ear that this time it was too much. One time too many and they bring to mind all of our other failures to haunt us and push us deeper into depression at our inability to ‘do it right.’

      Trapped in this unending circle of deception our vision becomes clouded and like a blind man in a strange environment we stumble and fall with every step. Once some time passes we can’t even remember where it all started and have little hope that we can escape.

      _________________________

      Brennan Manning once pointed out that, forgiveness precedes repentance. I’m sure that many would find that to be a strange statement, especially from a former Catholic priest.

      Why, you might ask? Because we have been instilled with the belief that it is only through groveling repentance, that God will even look at us after we have sinned. We instinctively feel that we must atone for our sins and that only through the right prayers and actions can we possibly get back in His ‘good graces.’

      I know that this has described me at various times in my life. If it sounds familiar to you as well, then I pray that together we can discover how to be honest with each other and admit it. Choosing to do that we can pull each other to our feet and take the road that will lead us to a life of true grace. The grace that has already atoned for our sins, and makes crystal clear that we are loved in such a way that nothing can put a wall between us and God.

      ________________________

      A SHORT EXPLANATION

      PRELUDE

      Each and every day, the world continues to turn, people struggle and life’s stories unfold. The view point that we have of someone’s story is the foundation of our perspective. In my view, we often miss the very personal moments in a person’s story, including the reactions of others who are involved, and not just the main characters.

      I have taken artistic license throughout this book to open up these stories, with the hope of bringing both myself and you the reader into a more personal relationship with these people and their life’s struggles. I believe that too often we only read the words that are on the page, never stopping to let our God given imagination wonder what the lives, thoughts and circumstances were that led these people to the place we find them in their story.

      I realize that there are those who may find this approach to be something that they cannot reconcile with their belief system, and for that I do apologize. It is my prayer that you will continue reading and let your own imagination take you into the life stories of these people. If you will give it a try I’m sure your understanding will be enriched, and God will not be offended.

      There are so many other things Jesus did. If they were all written down, each of them, one by one, I can’t imagine a world big enough to hold such a library of books. John 21:25 The Message

      There is much we don’t know, many things we have not seen or experienced, but we can imagine. We can listen closely for that still small voice to speak to us as it did to Elijah. Blessings, jb

      ___________________________

      We were meant to be lights on a hill for all the world to see, shining examples of grace. But instead, grace has been devalued by elevating our own works, leaving us as mere shadows of what we were created to be. Offering our worthless works to try to attain what was purchased for us at an inestimable cost.

      CHAPTER ONE

      DYING TO LIVE

      He wanted to go but just couldn’t get himself out the door. Depression had a strong hold on him and the medication didn’t seem to be helping much yet. So he turned his face to the back of his couch and tried to close everything out.

      What were the thoughts running through his mind at that moment? Was it, well, I’ve failed one more time, or maybe he just resolved himself to the fact that this was who he was. Either way it didn’t matter. He was convinced that he could do nothing to change. Those closest to him were left with the sick feeling in the pit of their stomach that he might be wondering if they too would give up on him. They could only pray that their continued presence in his life would prove that they would not give up.

      ___________________________

      Tripping up the hill on the dusty stone covered road, his mind was swimming with thoughts that seemed to be going in all directions. He wondered if it might be the intense heat that was causing such confusion, but in his heart he already knew the answer.

      It had been several years now since he had come this way. The last time he was going in the other direction, having just demanded what was his, he had taken it and left his family behind. Sure that he knew better, he moved as fast as he could to leave his old life behind.

      But today, having lost everything and finding himself friendless, homeless, hungry and broke he was back on this road. The thoughts rushing through his mind seemed to center around one thing in particular. What would those he had left behind think of him now? He was aware of what he had done, the mistakes and poor choices that had landed him in this mess, and he was sure that word of his situation had reached home ahead of him.

      Having worked up a fine speech, outlining the broken trust and lies of his current life he must have hoped that there would be some pity and a small place provided for him. He couldn’t face the alternative. The whispers that kept ringing in his ears that he would be cast out. No longer welcome in his own home……he had crossed the line. There was no turning back, not really. Those were his thoughts, thirst and hunger gnawing at him, as his tired feet carried him over the top of the hill he had been climbing.

      There in front of him in the valley below was his father’s farm. He could see the familiar scene of men and animals working the fields as clouds of dust followed them. Stopping for a moment to catch his breath he shook his water skin……..nothing, it was empty, just like everything else in his life lately.

      Sitting down on a large stone at the road side he began to wonder if this was a good idea. He had already suffered the humiliation that came from going his own way and he was unsure if he could take any more. Reduced to feeding pigs had been as close to the bottom as he had ever been and now he faced the very real possibility of a lecture accompanied by the look of distrust and disappointment on his father’s face. Shaking his head he couldn’t deny the reality that he deserved that treatment. He knew deep in his heart that all the words in the world would not fix the rift he had made.

      Strongly tempted to turn around before anyone saw him he stood

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