War Inside Me

Contents

Acknowledgments

Preface

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Twenty

Chapter

twenty One

Chapter

twenty Two

Chapter

twenty Three

Chapter

twenty Four

Chapter

twenty Five

Chapter

twenty Six

Acknowledgments

I would like to thank first and foremost my parents for telling me during those hard math nights that don’t worry, you will get it one day, and remember, you will grow up and be a writer. I live by that, I always try but at the end of the day that is what I remind myself. You have loved and supported me no matter what and that means more to me than you will ever know.

To my teachers who never gave up on me. You encouraged my creative mind and writing. Mrs. Toney, who was the first person to ever acknowledge my writing and pointed out in third grade that I needed to be an author, well here I am, you were right.

My friends who understand when I have my hands glue to a book or my laptop and can’t hang out with them.

My friends at Stay-Focused, you guys have no idea how much you made me feel good about who I am.

Rue, I know we met by the click of a mouse but when I met you it did not feel like I was meeting a stranger, I was meeting a friend. You have helped me from start to finish, pushed me when I needed it and most of all you love this book as much as I do.

All of you have played a part in shaping who I am today, so thank you and enjoy.

To everyone that has ever had a war inside them.

"For everyone in life there is one person that was made to

make it all go away."

-Sydney Nicholas

Preface

Some say everything happens for a reason and after she killed herself I didn’t believe them, I said I still don’t get the good in my life and it was going down the crapper. I lost hope in words like, God, fate and serendipity. I was blind and lifeless, hell… . I was mad at the world. Now I do believe in all words, for nothing is a lie, now that I beat the war inside me.

Chapter One

Romantic Killer?

Never heard of one

She was my sweetheart and I loved her. Val Vandecamp and I were everything you can ask for. I didn’t know where she was but I did hear people talking. Some say she didn’t even let her dad turn any lights on in the house if he did, well she would cry. Others say she skipped town and her dad had to drag her back. I even hear people saying she did drugs. I will never know what happened in the two weeks before. Val never let anyone see that she was upset. As for what happened, she killed herself. It wasn’t that hard to put together, me of all people knew her the best, better than her own dad. I started with what her dad told me was in the bathroom, a glass and an empty pill bottle. Umm, not that hard to see how she did it, but why? Then my mind drifted and the memory of that call consumed me…

Jude, its Mr. V. I know what time it is, but I had to call. I know she would want me to tell you first. He said with no feeling in his voice.

Tell me, Mr. V. what is it? I asked loudly because I was scared out of my mind by now. Val… . she… . she… . killed herself last night. I’m so sorry.

I couldn’t think, I couldn’t speak, it was like that guy on the movie Click I hit the mute button.

No, what kind of cruel, sick joke is this? I asked him with rage in my heart.

Jude, I am so, so, so sorry, but it’s true. He told me and I hit ‘end’

*     *     *

I tried to think like her, it wasn’t like her dad was never around but her mom died in childbirth. She was a very good student, top of our class; she was a shoe-in for USC. It had to be my fault. I would hate myself forever if she killed herself because of me. Yes, I Jude Franklin killed the love of my life. I had to go to our place; I had to feel close to her again. A place that would help me remember… perhaps a place to forget… because I really want to, forget everything that is. I looked to my Mom and she looked as hollow as I feel.

Mom, I am going to Sunset Beach. I called back to her, on my way out.

Everyone in my family knows what Sunset Beach means to me, they know the short story anyway, I met Val there… . but I also had the best night of my life there… a night I would never forget… with her. I walked to the spot where I first saw her and closed my eyes, letting my memory take me…

Three years ago I recall that I walked out the door that day with a skip in my step. I felt the hot sand on my feet but I didn’t care… nothing could have made this day bad, yet I still didn’t know why I was so happy. I walked out to the water and put my toes in, it was warm, just like the sand. I looked around for a girl that would show me a good time. But all of them were with good-looking guys. I was thinking that everyone had someone but me, and then I saw her.

She was reading a book. I tried to think of things to say to her, anything. I tossed my cup on the ground and went to pick it up at her feet.

Oh miss, I’m sorry I must have dropped this. Let me do my good deed for the day. I smiled as I picked up the cup.

She then looked up from her book, smiled, and said, You from around here? I have never seen you before, I would know if I saw a guy with a face like that.

No, I just moved here from Texas, I told the girl with the bright green eyes.

Well, looks like you need someone to show you around, now I myself am into this book so I don’t think I have the time. she spoke with fire in her eyes at each word.

Oh that is a shame; I guess I will have to do this. I said taking a step closer to her book that covered her face. I grabbed the book and ran as fast as I have ever run in my life.

I started reading a random page, Young love is something we never forget it changes us forever. In life we are not sure about a lot of things, but one we are sure of, we know when we fall in love for the first time. I read as I ran when the pretty girl caught up to me she turned red.

That’s mine, just because you’re from out of town doesn’t mean you can just steal people’s things. she said as she took her book from my hand.

Well, looks like you have to show me how to behave. I winked at her I didn’t even know her name at that time and I knew I wanted to spend as much time as I could with her.

Yes but I don’t know how to make a boy behave without saying his name in a mean mom voice and since I don’t know your name… she smiled and started to laugh.

My name is Jude Franklin and you are? Oh I know, the prettiest girl in the world.

You have a lot of nerve Jude Franklin, just meeting me and hitting on me, all in less than an hour. My name is Val Vandecamp. she said putting out her right hand.

It’s very nice to meet you Val. I said taking her hand in mine and kissing it.

Maybe I can show you around California, see I was thinking you were a jerk. she said being honest. Oh I am hurt, but you know what, I will take it. What time? I asked Val, completely shocked that my cheesy line had worked on her.

*     *     *

Someone tapped me on the back, jerking me out of my daydream and when I didn’t turn around she spoke up, Hey, you look like you’re lonely my name is Wendy what is yours? She asked and I wanted to hit her in the face, dumb girls think they can just walk up and make you fall in love with them, then they get all crazy and mess up your life.

That’s sort of the point now can you go away? I asked turning around to look her square in the face to show her I am not joking. I looked at her for the first time and if I wasn’t hateful and heartbroken, I would so do her, which means it’s time to run.

You know what? I changed my mind, I’ll go, and you stay. I yelled as I walked away.

No, I get it… . don’t go. She yelled, but it was too late I was already gone. So… . so far gone.

Chapter Two

Beast Inside me.

I was in the car and I heard my phone ring and I picked it up.

Hello Mr. Franklin? This is Jack Rush from the OCSD; we need you to come in for questioning. It hit me like a truck, she killed herself because of me and now as if that wasn’t hard enough, they think I killed her with my own hands.

Okay, I’m on my way. I said. What else could I say, ‘no, go to hell?’ That would put me in jail for sure.

When I got to the room it was just like on the show CSI, it had the gray table and big windows. I sat down in the chair close to the door just like where the bad guys sit on the show. I heard the door open and Mr. Jackass Rush walked in slowly and sat down across from me, to give me a heart attack no less.

Jack Rush… okay, now if you are going to visualize a crappy cop drama this guy has it on lockdown… from his thinning hair, to his pot belly and strong stench of cigarette smoke. It kind of irritated me that someone so unappealing would be sitting me down and grilling me… I understand it is his job, but it was my life… and a girl like Val would never have given this guy the time of day.

Mr. Franklin, you were Val Vandecamp’s boyfriend. Did you have sexual intercourse with Ms. Vandecamp? He asked and that got me mad because what does that have to do with her case? Did I rape her, no…