Happily Ever After Now!: ‘A Book About Letting Go of Unhealthy Relationships and Embracing a Loving Relationship with Yourself’

Copyright © 2014 Belinda Ridley.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

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The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

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ISBN: 978-1-4525-1307-2 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4525-1308-9 (e)

Balboa Press rev. date: 10/17/2014

Contents

PART ONE

1) I just want to be loved!

•   What is self-esteem?

•   Self-worth

•   I’m not good enough

•   I just want to be loved

•   My knight in shining armour

•   Higher self

•   Searching for the love within me

2) Leaving unhealthy relationships behind

•   What is an unhealthy relationship?

•   Knowing when to leave an unhealthy relationship

•   Fear of being alone

•   Break ups - nobody wants it!

•   Leaving was like giving up an addiction

•   Tools to help prevent you from running back

•   The ‘stand your ground’ folder

•   Positives to look forward to when you have left an unhealthy relationship

•   You can make it

•   Who am I?

•   Choose Wisely

•   Trust that you are capable of choosing differently

3) Embracing responsibility

•   Feeling responsible for others

•   What we think we create

•   How to deal with challenges in a way that can empower our lives

•   Challenges are positive

•   The challenge of the ego

•   Distraction

•   Try baby steps first

•   Take a leap of faith in yourself

•   Goodbye high expectations

•   I am safe

•   One challenge at a time

4) The throne of inner power

•   Who sits on your throne?

•   Let go of judgements that hold you back

•   Do I like myself?

•   Get real and be honest with yourself

5) Why don’t I look like that?

•   Comparison and competition

•   Beauty in all shapes and sizes

•   Respect your body

•   Distorted reflections

6) Accept yourself flaws and all

•   I need you

•   The shadow self

•   Judgement

•   Accepting your feelings and emotions

•   Looking outside ourselves

•   Caring about what other people think and the words ‘I am sorry’

7) One day… Now!

•   Stop trying to be perfect and STOP being so hard on yourself!

•   Let it all go!

•   Living in this moment

•   Embracing the unknown

•   Letting go of what you thought you and your life WOULD be

PART TWO

Tools to help you develop a loving relationship with yourself

•   Figuring out what you want?

•   The healing power of water

•   Travelling and retreats!

•   Give to yourself

•   Self marriage ceremony

•   Time out

•   Have inspirational pictures around your house of people and body images that inspire you

•   Enjoy the little things

•   Have something that’s just for you!

•   Get in the habit of speaking nicely to yourself about yourself

•   Be in the company of animals

•   Get creative

•   Be playful and connect with your inner child

•   Honour your inner truth throughout life and when decision making

•   Place boundaries in your life!

•   Extend the hands of kindness to others

•   Journalling

•   Get out into nature

•   Respect yourself

•   Create a sanctuary for yourself, a place that is just for you

•   Pamper yourself!

•   A new and fresh outlook on ‘mistakes’

•   Exercise and Movement

•   Eating with love

•   Positive attitude and affirmations

•   Embracing your womanhood

•   Finding what you like about you

•   Learn to say no

•   Allowing your feelings to flow and be

•   Talk to a friend, a counsellor

•   Face your fears

•   Spend time in the sunshine

•   Music

•   Connect to God/prayer/meditation

•   Laughter

•   Dress to express how you feel or want to feel

•   Let go of your worries

•   Live now

•   Have an adventure

•   Have a makeover /It’s the new you!

•   Listen to your elders

•   Embracing the silence

You can learn to love yourself because in truth love resides within your being. It always has and always will. It’s about unblocking the barriers and beliefs that stop you from thinking you are worthy so that you can embrace this ever existing love

-Belinda Ridley

Introduction

You may think by reading the cover that this book is about leaving an unhealthy relationship to be alone and create a loving relationship with yourself. It’s important that you know that although one aspect of this book relates to those who are in need of leaving an unhealthy relationship this doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to be in this situation for this book to be relevant to you. It doesn’t matter what your relationship status is… This book will help you in having a more fulfilling relationship with yourself naturally creating healthier relationships with others around you. It is for people who may not be able to connect to the love within themselves. This is a journey of self-discovery about who you are and what you want in your life. It’s about learning to value and respect yourself for the amazing person you are. It is no accident that you have come across this book…It was meant for you and I hope the words help you to follow your truth, get in touch with your inner power and truly embrace the love that resides within you always. This book is about learning to love yourself for who you are in this very moment. It’s about valuing your life and the blessings that it offers to you right now… So many goals seem so far off and unachievable yet from reading this book you will be provided with reflections and ideas so you can start to enjoy being you right now. You don’t have to be perfect to embrace ‘who you are’. You can do it now. Isn’t that such a relief!

To live a life where we are unable to tap into the love that lives within us is an extremely dark and hurtful world. To live a life where we feel we need others to love us in order to feel loveable is equally as destructive and painful. This book is about learning to love yourself as you are without needing someone else to do it for you thereby embracing your own love and then when you do love another and this love is returned it is an added joy to your life.

Together lets work to create the realities and the lives we want. Lets release all of those old preconceived ideas that we aren’t good enough. You are good enough and you have chosen this book because deep down your authentic self already knows this. Now is the time to unlock all restrictive beliefs and shine upon the world.

‘I dedicate this book to my beautiful grandmother Anne Ridley who

showed me how loveable I always was and always will be, to my beautiful mother Robyn Ridley who taught me about real love and friendship and how it is eternal and finally to my amazing fiancé Donald Lansdell for loving me for me, holding my hand and sharing this amazing journey we call life together. I love you Don’

PART ONE

Chapter One

I just want to be loved!

What is self-esteem?

Self-esteem is how a person feels about him or herself. But whose eyes do we really view ourselves through? Do we see ourselves through the eyes of our parents, friends, our children or the media? Probably to an extent we view ourselves through a number if not all of these avenues.

I want to talk about starting to view ‘who we are’ through our own eyes and not the eyes of others. In order to do this we are going to have to look at all the influences in our life that have affected us in the past and those that continue to do so.

It’s important to mention that our self-esteem is strongly affected by how we feel about ourselves. Do we love ourselves?

The truth is I do love myself when I choose to. I’m going to get real here and be completely honest. I would love to say that I love myself unconditionally twenty four hours a day seven days a week, but this is not the case.

I spent years when I was a teenager trying to find love. I searched far and wide. I travelled the world and tried many different romantic partners among many other things. I turned to anyone that I thought could give me the love I so badly needed. I was also seeking ‘happiness’ that authors and many other people spoke of. A happiness that sources said came from loving and accepting yourself for who you are.

I remember many wise people in my life telling me that the love was already inside myself. I found this frustrating to no end because I couldn’t see it, or feel it…and this leads to a very important subject.

Self-worth

I couldn’t see it clearly at the time but looking back I realize that I didn’t believe I was worthy of loving myself for so many reasons. I didn’t believe I was worth happiness either. I thought that everything that went wrong was my fault and I also believed that something was terribly wrong with me. If others were unhappy I even believed it was because of me. I held a guilt so deep within me that it began to grow and fester and fill all of my being so I could no longer see clearly at all. I did so many things to sabotage my happiness and gave myself everything I felt I deserved. I also wasn’t sure what true happiness felt like or looked like so how could I possibly have known how to create it.

I’m not good enough

Due to having a low self worth I always felt like I wasn’t good enough. I didn’t hold myself in high esteem. I told myself everything was my fault. I told myself I was a bad person. I compared myself to every female I met, telling myself that I was ugly and that they were all gorgeous. I used to think….’Who will ever want me?’ When I met guys I often told my friends and myself that theses guys were too good for me. I didn’t feel like I deserved happiness or love yet I yearned for it so badly.

I just want to be loved

I needed love. I fantasized about finding a knight in shining armour who would come in, swoop me up, save me and love me unconditionally allowing me then to live happily ever after. All the ugliness that I felt inside would melt away and everything would be ok because he would love me.

My knight in shining armour

Well what can I say? I did meet my knight in shining armour. I got exactly what I asked for, a man that came along and loved me for me. He adored me. I was rather shocked and yet so grateful that he loved me and could see past all these other women in the world, recognizing my inner beauty. He spoiled me and showered me with love. But something wasn’t right… It took me some time to figure this out as I was so busy sponging as much love as I could possibly get from this man. Now that I had someone who loved me I wanted to spend every waking second with this man. If something happened in my day that upset me I went to him and he made everything better. There was nothing he couldn’t do. I started to realize something was amiss…hmmmmm now