Purpose, Passion & Profit

Kyle is founder of Jim Rohn International, YourSuccessStore, LessonsFromNetwork.com and KyleWilson.com. Kyle has filled big event rooms and produced 100s of programs including titles by Jim Rohn, Brian Tracy, Zig Ziglar, Denis Waitley, and recently the books The One Thing That Changes Everything, Life-Defining Moments from Bold Thought Leaders, Passionistas, The Little Black Book of Fitness, and Mom & Dadpreneurs. Go to KyleWilson.com/connect to download Free books & audios and to connect on social media.

CHAPTER 2

The Miraculous,

Unstoppable You

From the NFL to Significance

by Keith Elias

I sat with my head down and my shoulders slumped. My soul felt heavy and weary like a pair of dirty, drenched socks. My head coach stood over me, and I don’t recall his exact words (I’ll explain why in a minute), but what I do remember is that as a result of his words my heart went into a panic. I knew this game was slipping away.

This was the biggest game of the season, Princeton versus Harvard, and while the world may have been more interested in a Notre Dame-Miami matchup, for us, this was like USA versus Russia in the ’80 Olympics. And yes, Harvard is like Russia in this example, no matter what my friend from Harvard, Matt Birk, might say. It was late in the game, and though I felt we should have been a match for them, something awful happened. I am going to have to use a very bad word that starts with an F.

I fumbled.

Seriously, I got hit on both sides, and it was one of those moments that all running backs can describe perfectly―as the ball slides out of your grasp, so does your hope, and an emptiness pervades your being because you have just let your team down. In no other place in life, except in marriage, have I ever felt such a profound responsibility to another. When I fumbled against Harvard in that game, I was gutted because I let my brothers down.

Harvard went on to recover the ball and score, and it was one of those moments in a contest when you feel your victory slipping away. It was one of those moments when life feels like it is going by too fast, and out of your control. And so I sat on the bench, head in hand, listening to my coach vomiting what must have been his fear, doubt, confusion, and panic over me―let’s not forget, his livelihood was attached to my play and our win-loss record. But again, I don’t remember exactly what he said, just how it felt, because in a split second something miraculous happened to me.

As the head coach departed, my position coach, Steve DiGregorio, ran up to me and said something that changed my life forever. First, he commanded me, Hey, forget everything he just told you.

I looked up and nodded, Yes, coach. And just like that, to this day I can’t recall what my head coach said.

Then he grabbed my shoulder pads, lifted me up to meet his eyes, and said, "When you get back out there, you just be you, because when you’re you, you’re unstoppable." At that moment I felt a surge, a liquid lightning bolt, energize me, and new confidence birthed in my heart. The lion in the Tiger uniform returned.

On my very next run, I took the handoff going right, cut back to the middle of the field, broke three tackles―I was unstoppable―and bolted 56 yards for the back-breaking score. We never looked back and beat the Crimson on their home turf during the Head of the Charles weekend. That run was showcased the next week on Good Morning America as a birthday surprise for anchor Charles Gibson and probably had a hand in me getting invited to the NFL Scouting Combine and signing a contract with the New York Giants.

But don’t get it twisted! The touchdown run isn’t the climax of the story. It is merely the consequence of the climax. The revelation and understanding of the power of unleashing MYSELF to the universe, the power of finding my YOU, is by far the greatest lesson from that day and the greatest miracle I can give to someone else. This lesson learned on the gridiron one Saturday afternoon in Boston served me well when I was forced to navigate one of the darkest times of my life.

I remember sharply what it was like to leave the NFL after six years of playing professionally―the loss of structure, the loss of finances, and the loss of identity. The loss. Truthfully, no matter how hard I told people football was what I did and not who I was, I found myself reeling at the prospect of re-identifying myself. I was a football player. I was known as a football player. I had always been a football player, until I wasn’t. I was left with the inexorable question, If I am a football player who no longer plays football, then who am I? Where was my YOU?

I realize that feelings of loss and transition are not unique to the gridiron. Those who leave the military know the pangs of missing the esprit de corps. Many have experienced breakups, relationship betrayals, failed businesses, bankruptcies, loss of jobs, devastating health issues, and the death of loved ones, to name a few of the life events that can trigger the same feelings. Some players leave the game and experience a variety of these issues: loss of camaraderie and purpose, degrading health, and even discovering personal relationships that were founded more on what the player did than who he was. And we suffer a type of death. I know I did.

Not only did my career not measure up to my own expectations, but additionally, within a year I saw my relationship with my significant other dissolve before my eyes. It is difficult to talk about in a way that makes others understand.

My brother-in-law is a genius, prodigy concert pianist. We spoke one time about the transition many NFL and other professional athletes go through. I asked him to think of his own life. Since he was a child, he has been marked by this gift that set him apart. He had special tutors, went to special schools, and had a unique set of friends because of his gift.

Now, I told him, imagine at 30 years old, you’re no longer allowed to play the piano ever again. You’re no longer able to share that gift, no longer able to hang out with your special crowd, no longer able to make the money you used to make. Oh, and the woman you’ve been hanging out with for the last five years, she may or may not actually like you.

Recently, a former player and friend of mine, Ken Ruettgers, and I decided to write an allegory about what that transition is like―not just for players, but for all who, because of life’s circumstances, have been forced to change direction and start over. We’re calling it When the Circus Leaves Town―How a Lion Learned to Hunt Again. In it, our lion, Finley, has just learned that the circus has left him without him knowing about it.

It has been one of the easiest things for me to write because I was Finley. But, guess what, some of you have been Finley too. My circus was the NFL lifestyle. What’s your circus? I’ve seen you walking around in the mall or on the bus like a zombie, your life feeling like your own personal coffin because he left you, because she died, because your dream turned into a nightmare, because of the hurt and betrayal―because life wasn’t supposed to be this way.

So, what do we do?

We can quit, lay down and die, or submerge ourselves in the pleasures and slavery of drugs, sex, and other addictions. Or we can lament, blame others, grow bitter, and let our lives become the slow fade. Or…

Or…

Or, we can acknowledge the new reality, allow ourselves to grieve, cling to hope, muster courage, and begin the long climb back through self-discovery and into purpose and love again. When anyone becomes their YOU, then they too become unstoppable. My true YOU isn’t really about football at all. It’s about rousing the spirit, quickening the heart, revealing truth, and awakening the YOU in others―to help them on their path of self-discovery and revelation. And that run against Harvard was just an expression of that truth. For me, it started with my reconnection to God. I found out that I am because of who He is and what He has done. That is my new identity, protected from all earthly assaults.

Now, in my work with our current and former NFL players and other men and women, I help them see their true YOU, so that they may see and understand their own ability to be unstoppable. I believe that if you don’t quit in life, you can find what I did. Into the void left by broken relationships stepped new friends, my new tribe, and my captivating wife. Into the void of the game stepped purpose. Into the void of structure stepped adventure. Into the void of the circus stepped LIFE. Have you found your YOU?

Remember, there has only ever been one you, and you are truly, remarkably, and wonderfully made. So find you, and be you, then you too will be unstoppable.

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TWEETABLE

Life can be painful. Don’t quit. Into the void of broken relationships and lost opportunity can step new relationships, true purpose, and adventure. There has only ever been one you. You are truly, remarkably, and wonderfully made. Find you, be you, and you will be unstoppable.

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After playing football at Princeton, Keith Elias left with 21 school and 4 NCAA records. He then played 6 years in the NFL with the Giants and Colts and became an international speaker. He now works for the NFL in Player Engagement, mentoring players through transition into and out of the game, coaching them in their purpose off the field. He is a mentor, speaker, and team builder who inspires and empowers others to find vision and purpose for their lives or companies. He truly believes, When you become YOU, you are unstoppable. To contact for speaking, coaching, blog updates or just to connect, email [email protected].

CHAPTER 3

The One Question that Transformed

My Relationships & My Business

by Meredith Bell

"I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

– Maya Angelou

Several years ago I belonged to GKIC (formerly Glazer-Kennedy Insiders Circle), a membership organization focused on helping entrepreneurs build their businesses. One morning, I started my day reading the latest issue of their newsletter, which was always packed with valuable marketing tips.

When I turned to page 12, I couldn’t believe what I saw.

Staring at me from the page (and it covered a full page) was a copy of the hand-written thank you note I’d sent to then-President Bill Glazer and his team following the recent spring conference. I sat there dumbfounded for a moment, pondering the reason my letter was printed there. As I reflected, I recalled an earlier conference.

I had walked up to Bill and given him positive feedback about all the things I was enjoying at the event. His response surprised me: Thank you. You are such a positive person. You’re always saying nice things to me. Can I get you to call me every day and tell me stuff like this?

Bill Glazer is a man who has achieved remarkable success in his career and his life. He’s a millionaire many times over and has advised thousands of entrepreneurs. You wouldn’t think he needs regular doses of positive feedback. But he does. We ALL do. As human beings, we have a desire to be validated and appreciated.

I believe his publishing my thank you note was a reaction to the way I apply my purpose and passion in my daily life. I’m committed to serving others so their life is enriched as a result of their encounter with me.

A little personal history to explain…

In my first career as an elementary school teacher, I got bored after a few years with the repetitive lessons. I then earned my masters degree and moved into a supervisory role at the school board office. I loved working with teachers to improve the way they interacted with their students. But I eventually discovered the position came with a price I wasn’t willing to pay.

Over time, I experienced negative physical and emotional side effects as I tried to play politics and maneuver through the bureaucracy. I finally realized that I would never be able to thrive in that environment. It was time to make another shift, this time outside the field of education.

I decided to start my own consulting and training company. I would focus on helping people in the workplace learn to build strong, positive relationships with each other and with their customers.

But there were obstacles. I’d never taken a business course in college. I knew nothing about setting up and running a consulting company. I hadn’t read a single book about marketing or selling.

What I did have going for me was belief in my desire to serve others and the confidence that I could learn what I needed to know. And along the way, I did.

My services included team building, leadership development, and customer service―areas where individuals must interact with each other to produce positive outcomes. I taught communication skills like listening, giving and receiving feedback, and resolving conflicts.

Over time, my purpose became clearer. I felt a passion bubble up every time I saw managers and employees learn how to have honest, open conversations and create better results. I received lots of referrals from clients due to the strong relationships I’d built.

Yet, it was lonely working by myself.

In 1990, I met Denny Coates, who also had a solo consulting practice. After a year of informal collaboration, we agreed that it made sense to merge our two companies, and we brought in a third partner at the same time. We added support staff along the way as we grew in response to the demand for our services.

Later, we realized that we wanted to expand our impact beyond the clients we served directly. In 1994 we made a decision to pivot from being a services firm to a software company. We developed a 360-feedback survey product, 20/20 Insight, which was customizable, economical, and easy to use. We were driven by a strong purpose to make a difference in the way people communicate at work.

We went on to create another program, Strong for Performance, to address a shortfall that plagues most training classes: the lack of follow-up and accountability to ensure people actually use their new skills back on the job. This tool provides practice, coaching, and feedback to help people make lasting improvements in the way they communicate and work together.

I’ve now worked with my two partners for nearly 30 years. We share a deep commitment to each other based on trust and respect. This bond has enabled us to survive and thrive despite the many challenges we’ve faced over the decades, including major downturns in the economy.

Many of our clients and resellers have done business with us for more than 20 years. They are like family to us. And part of the reason for that is, we aren’t just interested in customer satisfaction. We want to build strong, long-term relationships.

During these past three decades, my own purpose has continued to evolve.

A single question in one book brought an essential aspect of my purpose into sharp focus.

The book was The Prosperous Coach by Steve Chandler and Rich Litvin, and the question leaped off the page at me:

"How can I serve this person so powerfully that they never forget our conversation for the rest of their life?"

It’s rare that a single sentence can literally change your life, but that’s what happened for me.

In that moment, I realized I wanted to engage in more conversations with impact. I spent considerable time trying to figure out: What would it take to make a conversation so memorable that someone would remember it forever?

I recognized one thing right away. It wasn’t about waiting for my turn to talk about myself or the benefits of our products. I realized that serving others is something I already loved to do. I simply needed to take skills I already had, like listening and inquiring, to the next level.

I started repeating that question before every contact―whether it was making a phone call, appearing on a podcast, or giving a product demo. I was astonished at the responses I got from people who interacted with me. Their comments reinforced that I was onto something.

I further refined my purpose after listening to Episode 28 of the 10X Talk podcast with Joe Polish, a world-renowned marketer, and Dan Sullivan, founder of Strategic Coach. Dan brilliantly gave a new twist to the meaning of APPRECIATE as it relates to increasing in value. We often associate this definition with THINGS that appreciate in value, such as stocks or real estate. But he extended the meaning to include PEOPLE.

When I focus on appreciating another person, I gain a fuller understanding of their value. I treat them differently because I’m focusing on the positives, and they pick up on this when we’re together. They sense that I value them. As I bring my attitude of appreciation into the conversation, it boosts their feeling of self-worth. Their value increases in their minds as well as in mine.

I believe this partially explains why Bill Glazer responded the way he did to my positive verbal feedback and why my hand-written note ended up in their newsletter. My appreciation served to increase his feeling about his own value.

Another experience added a further dimension to my purpose: taking the VIA Survey for character strengths. My report helped me recognize and appreciate my #1 core strength, which is LOVE.

It took me a while to figure out how love applies in the context of business. For a variety of reasons, love isn’t a word used regularly in the workplace. Then I connected the dots between love and serving. For me, loving someone means caring at a deep level about their well-being and being committed to supporting them on their life’s journey. When I realized this, I crafted my purpose statement, which I write down each morning to remind me how I want to live my