Daughters, You Are Special: To Love and Be Loved by Our Heavenly Father

Copyright © 2020 Dr. Sandra Gatlin Whitley.

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ISBN: 978-1-9736-7955-4 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-9736-7957-8 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-9736-7956-1 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2019918083

WestBow Press rev. date: 4/7/2020

Quotes

While I know myself as a creation of God, I am also obligated to realize and remember that everyone else and everything else are also God’s creation.

— Maya Angelou

To disrespect a person made in the image and likeness of God is a lot worse than desecrating a flag. We should be offended and repulsed in the same way when God’s image bearers are desecrated – abused, beaten, neglected, discriminated against, and not loved and taken care of as they should be.

— James MacDonald, Christ-Centered Biblical Counseling: Changing Lives with God’s Changeless Truth

Dedication

I dedicate this book to

God, the Most incredibly Loving Heavenly Father anyone can

ever have. You kept watch over Your children, my parents,

my sisters, my brothers, and me to bring us to the saving

knowledge of Your firstborn Son, Jesus Christ. By faith, we

believe, are growing, and becoming Your image-bearers.

Mom, for your strength and courage in taking risks, raising six

children, and giving us the steadfast love only a true mother

can give her children. The most important gift of all … us

finding the God of the Bible in Sunday School and church.

Dad, for you loving and caring for your children, never letting us

go, despite the circumstances. Our blended family is becoming

a reflection of God working all things together for the good of

those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.

Whit, my God-sent earthly bridegroom and husband … I love you!

Hallelujah! AMEN!

Contents

Acknowledgements

Prologue - A Pastoral Greeting

Introduction - Becoming His Bride on Earth as it is in Heaven

Part 1 – You Are Loved by God, Our Relationship

with God and Family and Its Purpose

Chapter 1     Who Am I? Am I a Statistic?

Chapter 2     Who Am I? Growing Up Loved in a Traditional Family

Chapter 3     Who Am I? Growing up Loved in a Single-Parent Family

Part 2 – You Belong to God, Our Relationship with

God Based on Gender and Purpose Outside the Family

Chapter 4     What’s Right with Me? Love and Girlfriend Relationships

Chapter 5     What’s Right with Me? Love and Right Relationship with Boys

Part 3 – You Are Valued by God, Our Relationship

with God in Our Callings and Decisions

Chapter 6     What’s Right with Me? Born with Dreams, Gifts, and Talents

Chapter 7     You Are Special… Born into Royalty!

Part 4 – You Are His Bride, Our Marriage Relationship …

Becoming His Bride on Earth as it is in Heaven

Chapter 8     Marriage … Finally! Becoming A Bride on Earth

Epilogue - The Conclusion of the Matter . . . We are Our

Sister’s Keeper

Appendix - Poem

Chapter Sources and Notes

Author Bio

Acknowledgements

You are so amazing, Heavenly Father God. I just want to shout it from the rooftops and all around the world that You are Mighty marvelously, my Lord and Savior. After going to see the newly released Christian movie War Room, I was in total awe of the real-life portrayal of the King James Version of Matthew chapter 6 verse 6, But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly. I was reminded of how I responded to this passage from the Bible after reading it in church at 15 years of age dealing with the emotional pain of my parents’ separation and divorce. I thought, I have a ‘clothes closet.’ I’ will go in it and pray in private to ask the Father to bring my parents back together.

Thank You and thank You again, dear Heavenly Father for the mother of the Kendrick Brothers, who produced the movie. She was a woman of faith who raised and directed her children on the right path, and when they were older, they did not leave it (Proverbs 22:6 NIV). Because of You Lord guiding their mother, the Kendrick Brothers were able to identify and use their gifts and talents to bless other people. The movie War Room is just one example for me. Not only did the movie portray the revelation given to me to literally go in my clothes closet and pray, but the military analogy used also reminded me of how my childhood dream of joining the military came to pass. The movie confirmed for me that children too, do hear You when You speak. With our child-like faith, You will do the impossible and reward those who diligently seek you.

I can look back and see how You were at work in my life and for that reason I am truly grateful. You were that one constant in my life when others were not. Thank You for not rejecting, abandoning, or giving up on me. You saw pass all my faults and wretched sins and gave me just what I needed…love unconditional! Your incredible love would not let me go and for that again I am truly grateful. I love you very much, my Abba, Daddy God.

You put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing Yourself to the worst by sending Your own Son, Jesus. Is there anything else You would not gladly and freely do for us? Who is it that would dare tangle with You by messing with one of us, your chosen? Who would dare even point a finger? The one who died for us -who was raised to life for us is in the presence of You, our Most High God at this very moment! Is there anyone who thinks they can drive a wedge between us and Christ’s love for us? There is no way! Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not rejection, not abandonment, not nothing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture (Romans 8:32-35 The Message Bible [MSG])… Hallelujah! Amen!

With thanksgiving in my heart, I also joyfully express my gratitude for You, our Creator orchestrating a cast of characters to be instrumental in You fulfilling Your purpose in our lives.

To my parents, Mom and Dad, may the Lord bless you tremendously for the sacrifices you made for your five, six, and eight children and teaching us right from wrong. Mom, while we were in your womb, God blessed us with a beautifully spirited mother full of love, nurture, and care from Him. I remember hearing of the times when we went outside to play that as soon as we got dirty, you brought us back in the house washed us up and put freshly cleaned clothes on us to go right back outside to play again. You took pride in your status as our mother, attentive to your children’s every detail. Even in the midst of the changes in our family structure with you becoming a single parent mother, bless you for doing what was best for us first. We, now six of us, are all the better for your steadfast and immoveable spirit. It is true that when parents "train up a child (your six) in the way they should go: and when they are old, they will not depart from it." And you rose above your circumstances to successfully go back to school and complete your education. I love you dearly, Mom. You did it!

Dad, thank you for loving us, treating us like little princesses and princes, providing for and protecting us, while raising us to love and care for each other. Truly, you are a family man, who made sure we knew and visited our relatives on both sides of the family. You helped us to dream positively about getting an education and pursuing beneficial careers. After the divorce, although we did not immediately reciprocate your pursuits of staying in touch, thank you for not giving up on us and waiting until we came around. I remember the day you called your firstborn in desperation saying, San, would you pray? Because I want this family to be a family. As I was about to hang up the phone to pray later, you said, No, let’s pray now. That was the first time we prayed aloud together. Another day you called in the nick of time, while I was in the middle of preparing a speech to present at a conference in 2005 when I was subconsciously wrestling with the family incident that I had not spoken to anyone about. As I began to respond to your question, uncontrollable tears welled up in my eyes as I asked your permission to share the incident. It was a definite breakthrough moment. A profound peace came over me when I heard you say, The truth is the truth. If I had known better, I would have done things differently. And on another occasion years later on my birthday in October 2011, you affirmed me with these words, I believe your calling is to minister to girls and young women. I love you, Dad.

To my beloved and very special sisters and brothers and their families, I love you very much, more than these words could possibly say. God only knew that each one of us would be the best sisters and brothers to each other. To all seven of you and your spouses and the parents of my nieces and nephews: Teresa (Kevin, Keisha, Trenton); Michele (Richard, Robert, Maya, Makayla); Buzzy (aka Ojay, Bernice, Jaylon, Charmaine); Ken (Amy, Khalil, Cameron, Lynn, Kendra), Andre (April, Andrea), Shawana (Nathaniel, Joshua), and Sancheleresa (Thomas, Harmony, Destiny) look how God brought us together with you being our last baby sister. Harmony, God allowed you to open my heart to see Him in a child-like way again.

To my friend and our step-mother Mona, Dad is blessed with your devoted love of him and his five children. Thank you so much for accepting, being patient with, loving and making sacrifices on our behalf as we grew to trust God in fitting our blended family together. Thanks be to God also for opening both you and mom’s hearts to each other. I love you for being you, Mona!

To my deceased paternal grandparents Robert and Nina, who prayed for the right man to marry me. To my deceased maternal grandparents, Alfred and Jessie, for you grandma knowing that Whit was the one. And to my deceased god-parents Virginia, Coach Gary, and son Bill (Tanya, Janee, Jordan) and surviving son Brian (Helen, Claire & Duece) who trusted the Spirit of God enough to welcome me into your two-parent family, while adjusting to the transition in my own family. And also making Whit a part of the family, too.

To my family of relatives and the memories I do cherish: aunt Jessie Ruth Tabu (Melton, Melton Jr. Eric, Erica, Jailyn, Jody, Juelles), uncle Sonny & Eloise, uncle V.C., uncle Foley (Bun, Kenneth, Cecilia, Richard), uncle Allen (Lois, Alfreda, Jessica), uncle W.T. (Margaret, Dale, Patrice, WT Jr.), Aunt Ann (Debbie, Phyllis, Darryl), Auntee & George, uncle Vorice & aunt Frances (cousins Debbie, Spudnik, Regina, Anayah, Trey, Janice, Monae, Erica, Pete, Ken, Jeffrey), Brenda Faye, Paul Tinkey (Charlotte, Paula, Jamal), Clarence (Brenda), Sammy (Stephanie, Samaria), Hawkeye, Michael, aunt Gladys & uncle Harvey, Gill & Shirley (Chris, Vincent, Angela & Pam, Gill Jr.), Uncle Earl & Margaret (Susan Smith, Taylor), Wilfred (Ida); Aunt Imogene; Aunt Thelma; Squirt & Charlene (Tesha & Lyndon), uncle Charles & aunt Bettye (Bruce, Cynthia, LaReta, Mac, Arielle, Tyler, Hileigh), Frank & Frances, Linwood & Pearl (Venus, Lori), Mrs. Daniels, and to my cousin like sister, Felicia LeeLee; Special friends like, brothers Gary & Mom" Kyle; Giles (Angelia, Simone).

To my special god–children and their families: Jamila Akilah (Jimmy, Ada, Issa) my firstborn so full of love and energy, Tia (Mark & Bonnie), Makayla (Richard & Michele), Marcus Love (Marcus & Linda, Latrice, Linda). To my special nieces, cousins, and their BFFs Makayla, JaDavia, Samequa, Erica, Katelyn, Jody, Jailyn Catalina, Taylar, Harmony, AJ, Jaeda, Shantri, and Kiana for our first Day-Daydreaming to My Destiny #DDMD Retreat; who are believing God will do the impossible in fulfilling your vision and dreams.

And to everyone along the journey and seasons God-sent you in my life of discovery and transformation to encourage, love, support, pray, inspire, and be accountable in preparing me to meet my husband:

To my Pastors, Chaplains, Spiritual Leaders: Sister Johnnie Calhoun (Debra, Diedre), Sister Terrell, Brother Adams (Debra), Pastor Robert & Nancy Castle (Robin, Chad), Mrs. Callie Young (Renee, Gail), Chaplain Armstrong, Pastor Wally and Marilyn Hickey, Mrs. Mary Sweitzer, Pastor Howie, Chaplain Layloni Craig, Chaplain John Wood, Bishop Vashti McKenzie, Pastor Charles & First Lady Nora Nobles (Shelley, Celia), Chaplain Matthew and Barbara Zimmerman, and my mentors and prayer warriors John & Jeanine Voorhees, Mom V & Pop V (David, Melanie, Eden, John Carter).

To my civilian and military bosses and friends, mentors, role models, marriage and ministry confidants, and family away from home: James Novak, Dennis & Maggie Coggburn, John & Johnnie Carter, Al Watson, Karen & Milt Nobles (Kim), Andrew & Callie Young (Gail, Renee), Paulette Wellington (Eric & Erica), Duke Wellington, Janice, Geneva & Fred Hunter (Terri, Sherri, Fred Jr.), Mary Davis, Paul & Beverly Warfield (Sonja, Malcolm); Daniel Flournoy, Robert Howe, Bryce Poe, James & Tina Barager, Bob Drewes, Gary Cooper; Ellistene & Jeff, Norm & Carolyn, Alfred & Carrie Deas; Harrison & Beverly Benton; Earl & Lazelle Hunigan; Kathryn Ekberg, Melissa Rider, Jackie & Roger Gray, Howard & Beverly Dayton, Ed & Earline Briggs; Yoko Shannon, and Esther & Neil Pearson.

To my dearest friends, colleagues, line sisters, sorors, and mentor/mentees relationships God used to open my heart and eyes to a meaningful sisterhood of girlfriends and their daughters: Venus Little, Felicia Mack (deceased), Bonnie McCall, Sandra, Daisy Mae, Niecy, Andrea Bitty, Jennifer Canty, Ruby, Dorothy, Marilyn, Mary B, Carolyn McKnight, Mae Ella (Lester, Eryn); Michelle Gardner, Cathy Morris, Carol Ware, Mary Mayer, Theresa Carroll, Millie Cooper, Jackie Nixon, Marcia Williams, Carolyn Walker, JoAnna Ogbomma (Makim, Howard, Tawanya), Bonnie Campbell (William, Noni), Sistah Carolyn Cohen, Cheryl Lohrman, Mary Lou, Margaret, Joyce, Bonnie Dawson, Dana ‘Isake" Reed, Belindia Boyer, Mae Tanner, Marilyn Wills, Loreen (Chris, Naomi), Shirley (John, Kendra, Kelsey, Johnna), Marie (Donald, Rachel, and Naomi), Joyce (Al, Chari), Felicia Wiltz (Michael, Chris, Sean), Hosea & Natalie, Alycia Levels (Jonathan & Nuri), Lynda, Milna, Cheryl T-G, Cynthia, Natalie, Linda M, Tanisha, Renee, Jacqui, Tavina, Eva, Sandra B., Sandra M-L., Liz Walker, Gail-Lenora, Sabrina Gray, Sybille (Elliott), Kathy Schnepf (Craig, Chris, Danielle), and grateful for early in my military career God divinely reconnecting line sister Gwen and me in not despising our humble beginnings and God making room for our gifts and friendship; later Lynnita, Renay, Lillian and Washalyn, Mamie T, Hilda, Phylesia, Yolanda, Liz Elizabeth, Velma, Angela, and Alfreda.

To you who spurred me on to write and those interviewed. Praises to the Lord for first author friend Claire Cloninger; homegirl Patricia Ashley; the woman angel on the plane, Ann Abernathy; insightful and motivational Kris Johnson; Paula Batchelor Cable TV producer of The Vision; and consultant Cathy Fyock. Juan’s daughter Melissa Gallego keep on believing in yourself, as a child of divorce, like me, both of your parents love you very much; Gladys V. & Saritin, thanks for allowing God to establish a bond of friendship through our ethnic lenses. Lois Collins Gwinn (Donald, Joshua, David) and Marjorie Jones grateful for your encouragement and editorial comments.

To my visionary professors, thanks for listening to God and letting Him use you to open my eyes to see beyond any insecurities. Dr. Aida and Dr. Bill Spencer presenting me with opportunities to write in published journals and a book. Dr. Karen Mason insightful and endearing teacher and counselor; Pastor Randy Mathews & Dr. Alice Mathews Ezer Commander godly wisdom and motivation to pursue this ministry to girls and women; DMin Dr. Currie, Bridgett, Sara, and Ezer co-horts … Sonja, Laurel, Cynthia, DeDe, Susan, Wanda, and Agnes.

To both sets of parents’ in the ministry Pastor Grainger who married us and Pastor JoAnn Browning for your love, pastoral care, spiritual guidance, and the Call to Ministry and also Pastor Ray and Pastor Gloria-White-Hammond (Mariama, Adiyah, Ella) for your friendship, pastoral prayers, love, wisdom, divine revelation, and counsel in the call and ministry; Pastor Gregory & Rev. Barbara Groover for the encouragement, support, and guidance in answering the call Launch into the Deep, and for Presiding Elder Herbert & Reverend Amelia Eddy’s leadership, and my ordination and pastoral appointment from Bishop Richard Norris. To Bishop Gregory & Dr. Jessica Ingram and Presiding Elder Jocelyn Hart & Brother Eddie Lovelace for support in subsequent pastoral reappointments to our People’s Chelsea A.M.E. Church family & the Beloved Community being transformed to reflect God’s biblical marriage covenant. A member once shared with joy the revelation she received at a Lay Organization meeting, "the relationship between the pastor and the lay is like a marriage." We are a body of believers being transformed and becoming the Bride of Christ preparing to meet the head of the church and Bridegroom, Jesus Christ: Brother Ben, Beverly (Larry), Marcia (Philip), Sherree, Rhonda, Patricia, Tayjah, Carlene (deceased Mark; brother Ellis, Jaliyah, Nyarie, John, Yashonna, Manny, LaToya, Leia, LJ, Savannah, Robert), Willetta, Deborah, Jeanette, Nicole, Shirley, Roberto, Katherine, Alaina, Richelle (Larry, Maxwell, Krysten), Teresa (Mikhel, Mekhi, Mannix), Mishay, Seneeca (Dante, Michael), Dwight, Denise, Michael V, Sherry (Brian, Khyahjah), Michelle (Chayse), Monet (Senai), Mikhail, Evgeny, Cha Young, Jiri, Nadia, Ester, Amit & Ruet, Youngkyung, Amanda Y, Jocelyn, Jerome, Jaquari, Jarell, Joan & Kenneth (Jessy, Kyle, Kingsley, Jayde), Kelly & Phil, and Fatima & Mario. To the Youth and Young Adult Coalition (YYAC) and our divinely God-sent children Evan & Valarie (Aidan) for the mighty move of the Holy Spirit to Prepare Ye the Way of the Lord, Charlie, Jenny, Brian, Benjamin & Ruthy, Marina, Tania, Bobby, guardian Paul and also parents Thao & Chiely. For the YYAC "Girls Winter Ski Retreat sponsors, supporters, and facilitators - Charlene, Patrick, Allen Gordon, Sharon Caulfield, Beth Anderson, Patricia Mitchell, Laura Coolbaugh, Avalon, Kim, Janine, Duke Bradley, Ricky Velez, and so many others.

To my bridegroom, Prince Charming Kenneth, thank you for receiving me the day God presented me mysteriously to you during the crisis project. Your strength to love me makes me for a better woman and wife that I am becoming. And of course, to the one who is responsible for your life, our loving centenarian 100-year old mother, Indiana Whitley, who lovingly welcomed and received me as your daughter.

To the meticulous staff of Westbow Publishing Jona Tate, Venus Gamboa, Anna and the Editorial Team, DeeAnna May, Teri Watkins, and Peter Le and the team of others.

We are in the Final Act, says the Lord!

To God be the Glory!

The beautiful thing about learning is that no one can take it away from you.

—B. B. King

The best teacher is the one whose life is the textbook. ¹

PROLOGUE

A Pastoral Greeting

A messenger of Jesus Christ and a helper of humankind …

Greetings to all God’s children, all His daughters, girls, and young women everywhere in all the states in America and in countries around the world that I have either visited or lived in—Massachusetts, Maryland, Virginia, Ohio, Colorado, California, Japan, Texas, Alabama, Louisiana, Mississippi, Germany, Michigan, Illinois, Washington D.C., Bermuda, Bahamas, St. Maarten, Saint Thomas, Korea, Philippines, France, Czech Republic, Austria, Poland, Hungary, Aruba, Florida, Georgia, Hawaii, Kentucky, New Hampshire, Maine, Rhode Island, Connecticut, New York, Arizona, Pennsylvania, Israel, and beyond.

Dearest daughters, you are very special to God. This pastoral letter is written to you in order that I may fulfill the ministry that I have received in the Lord (Colossians 4:17 ESV). It is time to testify to the truth about what I know concerning girls and women. Our identity is formed in Christ Jesus, alone. God created you. God loves you. God chose you. God values you. You belong to God and you are one of His very special daughters,

God knew what he was doing from the very beginning. He decided from the outset to shape the lives of those who love him along the same lines as the life of his Son. The Son stands first in the line of humanity he restored. We see the original and intended shape of our lives there in Him. After God made that decision of what His children should be like, he followed it up by calling people by name. After he called them by name, he set them on a solid basis with Himself. And then, after getting them established, he stayed with them to the end, gloriously completing what He had begun (Romans 8:29, 30 NLT).

God is calling you to enter into a relationship with Him according to the Holy Bible. On a flight from Los Angeles to Boston during the summer of 2010, I was thoroughly interviewed by the woman sitting in the seat next to the window, where I usually like to sit when traveling. I shared with her how the high school my nephew graduated from was very accommodating to teenage girls and new mothers, unlike what I was familiar with seeing while growing up in public schools. In her questioning, I found by the end of the conversation that I had disclosed to a stranger a snapshot of my life’s story. She encouraged me to write the book. She and I actually brainstormed on various titles for the book focus on the call to action, while also giving me names of prominent people I should connect with. Interestingly enough, she was the third person within two weeks to confirm it was time for me to write my story. I knew within my heart that this was the Lord’s prompting and that I should obey and not be afraid. It was clear that God was giving me an urgent call to action. Finally, she disclosed, after giving her name, that she was a former television anchorwoman. No wonder she was able to get me to talk.

Your mere survival is at stake! With all the mixed messaging, pressures, abuses, temptations, relationship barriers, external stresses, and inner spiritual yearnings, girls and young women around the world are facing today, our Heavenly Father is calling His daughters back to Him. He is the transformer of hurt, broken, rejected, wounded, neglected, fatherless, and motherless daughters. This is why, more than ever before, our Creator is sounding the clarion call for His daughters to no longer be afraid, unsure, doubtful, guilt-stricken, and silenced.

Therefore, I am writing this pastoral letter to certify the truth about your identity according to the Bible and based on research, observations, and experiences from my own life. "Jesus Christ is the way and the truth and the life and no one come to the Father except through Him" (John 14:6 NIV). By reflecting on my own life, I am sharing with you the truth revealed to me about our identity. In knowing the truth, the truth