Morbid Letters: Unsent Letters of Unsung Heroes

© 2018 Dr. Roshan Chirag and Jannah Azaan. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 07/26/2018

ISBN: 978-1-5462-5242-9 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5462-5241-2 (e)

The names and places have to be fabricated to avoid embarrassment and/or humiliation to some characters referred in the book who are and may live till publication and the author’s names are also impersonated as well, to avoid letting us be identified.

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CONTENTS

Dedication

Acknowledgement Of Thanks

Qoranic Quotes

Preface

Prologue

Part One

Part Two

Part Two

After Thought

Postface

DEDICATION

I dedicate this book first to God, then to our parents, then to our children and then to their children. This book is not dedicated to abusers, molesters, law breakers, lobbyists, pharmacists, public notaries, pilgrimage arrangers and politicians.

Author

ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OF THANKS

Firstly, we acknowledge thanks and gratefulness to God, who guided us to complete this book and made it a collection of information to the needy. We acknowledge no thanks to some of those who are addressed here and acknowledge thanks to some who are addressed here. Our acknowledgements of thanks are like selective choice and not selective honesty, but we can’t help it.

Dr. Roshan Chirag & Jannah Azaan

QORANIC QUOTES

He created for you spouses from among yourselves, in order to have tranquility and contentment with each other, and in this, there are sufficient proofs for people who think. (30:21)

We have appointed a law and a practice for every one of you. Had God willed, He would have made you a single community, but He wanted to test you regarding what has come to you. So, compete with each other in doing good. (5:48)

Those who spend (freely), whether in prosperity or in adversity, who restrain (their) anger and pardon (all) men - for God loves those who do good. (3:134)

Do people think that they will be left (at ease) simply because they say, We believe, and will not be put to test? (29:2)

…Help each other to goodness and heedfulness. Do not help each other to wrongdoing and enmity. Heed Allah. (5:2)

"Every affliction that falls on the earth or yourselves, already exists in a Book before it is brought into being by us. (57:22)

Surely, those who believe and those who are Jews, and Christians and the Sabeans; whoever acknowledges God, The Day of Accountability, and does acts of reformation – their reward is with their Sustainer. (2:62)

Do not follow your emotions lest you fall short of justice. If you distort your testimony or turn away (from this command, know that) God is Aware of all your actions. (4:135)

PREFACE

These letters are compiled for a reason, for a purpose which can never be anything else, then the message they contain in it. Each letter tells a story for the readers, which cannot have revealed with attention to detail for the virtuosity of the scope and method of the publication.

Postman is a messenger, a prophet in his own prophecies preaching honesty, sincerity with consistent and persistent service with no additional gain, favor, tip, or advantage. He is an agent and a pigeon, loyal to his masters and he does his duty rather overdo his duty.

Postman is a thorough gentleman and lesser God. He serves messages, letter, telegrams, bills, rewards, winning lottery tickets, notices of eviction very unpleasantly and letter denoting love and affection very pleasantly.

He unites people not divide people, people should respect him, adore him and worship him. People should make him a congressman, a senator, a king or a president and so this book is named after his service and his transformed devotion towards his service. He is greater than mankind and bigger than the concept of postal service and a physicality of truth.

Authors

PROLOGUE

Morbid letters are Dead letters, designated as letters sent but not delivered as the receiver moves and they get forwarded to forwarding address, but on not finding the addressee, they are then directed elsewhere and redirected and re-forwarded, denoting the fact that the receiver cannot be reached and returned back to the place of origin to note that sender has also moved, without leaving any forwarding address, to get the label of MORBID LETTERS.

They should also be labelled the same for any other reason, if the recipient cannot be reached or the beneficiary gets them when they are not required or when they lose their credibility. They should be labelled the same if letters are written but cannot be mailed. Postal services are a perceived concept and dead letters are eventual physicality.

Authors

Loved ones without whom our purpose in life could not have been served

Respected Master, God, My lord. (Beneficent and merciful)

Part 1

Surely all praise is for you, I praise you and seek your guidance. I also seek your assistance in our survival. I seek your forgiveness and seek refuge in you, from the evil of my own soul and from the wickedness of my deeds. I know whomsoever you guide will never go astray and whomsoever you allow to stray will never find your guidance. No one has the right to be worshipped except your almighty self. I bear witness that there is no other partner in your governance other than you alone. You have sent many messengers to guide the mankind and also sent the last one, on whom peace be upon him. Peace be upon his family, associates and their families and include my family too.

Hope you are doing fine controlling your difficult tasks. I’m also good by your grace. Just thought of addressing you in solitude. Please take it as a privileged communication, between creator and believer keeping confidentiality and privacy acts. I wanted to salute you for your blessings bestowed on me. I wanted to salute you also because all along, you had been my savior. Please don’t take it lightly. It is not a salute which is given to a war veteran who has gone to heaven somehow in great probability sacrificing his life or retirement and must be getting some pension benefits from you and enjoying his stay there.

I wanted to salute you because you had been attending to my calls in spite of remaining busy running the show but have been guiding me the righteous path as and when I turn to you. God, you are great and smart. I hope you are not vexed, annoyed or angry on me. I might have made some grave mistakes but I had not hurt a soul as you directed me. I remember you told me that you will forgive, if matters relating to you are not obeyed but you also told me that you will not forgive if the matters concern other souls. If you are good as usually said in our culture, I may ask you something. There is no urgency, no hurry, nothing. I don’t want immediately or I want only which is possible. I can come again. I mean call you again if not now and not having presently time to listen to me. No problem God absolutely no problems, I can wait.

You told me to submit to you. I have already done so, living with your favors, gifts, sanctions, rewards, blessings and everything. You also told me to be balanced. Oh God, that I found little difficult as everybody around me is imbalanced. There are conflicts of interests around and people around me don’t believe in balance. They want to cheat, to fraud, to scam, to debrief and to counsel even if not required and do crazy things. It’s not easy to remain in balance.

You want me to be patient, even that I found not so easy as everybody around are in a hurry. People are impatient, thrusting urgency even on me. They are restless, apprehensive, anxious, obsessed, phobic, depressed and some are even deluded. Please don’t expect me to be patient and follow your orders as a routine procedure. I could even tell you it is not possible, please hold on, sorry, curiously I have myself removed this word ‘impossible’ from my books. Later erased this word from my dictionary. So, I can’t say this word impossible anymore, but believe me it is not possible or I will improvise by naming it hard, tough, task, taxing, entity to almost become impossible.

I ask you, the glorious, the all mighty by those beautiful names and by your sublime attributes to accept my apologies for any un-intentional oversights, better still mistakes I have done, or doing or will do all my life and you are capable of everything. I pray and bow down to you only and you know that. You alone I worship and I ask my family and friends to do the same. I hope for your mercy as you had been showering upon us and hopefully may continue doing so. I also additionally seek your mercy for me to your abandonment and punishment. I know your punishment to other disbelievers is at hand. I have total belief in you and will never ever deny you.

Dear God, Sorry I think I just used this word ‘dear’ to make believe that we are close, sorry again. Respected God, you also told me not casually that I should be compromising too. What else I can do except to compromise. Compromise with the given, Compromise with the not given, Compromise with health constraints, you may call it ill- health also, not winning lottery money and not getting any backup. Understanding family and their rigidities of personalities, and my own self with hundred and one faults. People may say thousand and one faults.

Oh God, there is no portent other than your portent, no goodness other than your goodness and none worthy of worship other than you. But you forgot you told me not to compare and to be incomparable. Incomparable with whom? There are comparisons all around. Comparisons of position, status, colors, clothes, houses, commodities, faiths, communities, religions within them differences among all. I am on my journey for goodness and piety and for works that are pleasing to you. Kindly lighten this journey and make it’s distance easy for me and be my companion on this road and make its hardships easier and the wicked sights in store and from finding our families and assets in misfortune upon returning.

God, you may kindly note, you have also told me to be truthful. Again, easily said than done. Not easily done as easily asked. How can I be truthful among liars, how can I be truthful with people doing deceit, treachery, dishonesty, pretense, perjury, false swearing, corruption and what not. They are devious people with unethical ethics, immoral conduct and what not. No, it’s not easy but let’s see. You have been providing me with everything, which I could not have achieved by my own efforts. Surely, I am going to be returned back to you.

You added to my suffering by telling me to be considerate. Considerate with whom? Considerate with the fraudulent molesters or foolish morons or considerate with the perverted deviants, abnormal psychopaths or disordered people. Or what? No! I am openly telling you. In so many words that I can’t. I can’t. It’s not very easy. I can do one thing. I can be considerate towards myself or my life and if you approve, I can be considerate with me. Me alone.

You also emphatically told me to be righteous. Righteous with you, to walk on your righteous path and not just to be wrong or erroneous. I’m a human mortal and a fool so I can be easily mistaken, I can be off beam, wide off the mark and I can miss my targets but God with regards to your side or your passing rule to fast, I found it difficult too. You know I am on salad and eat it sixth hourly as though swallowing antibiotics sixth hourly with short half-life. But the fact as you know and must have heard the saying old habits die hard. I don’t know why but I got involved in smoking pipe, may be incidentally accidentally or purposefully. I cannot leave it more-so after fifty years of smoking. Naturally fasting, if not impossible is next to impossible.

You have asked me to perform Hajj. I did it but on governments expense, on diplomatic passport. No harm I hope, because simultaneously I served the pilgrims of my government’s sponsored scheme, has added subsidy to their performance of religious rights. A good gesture, isn’t it, from a government ruled by majority of a different faith but still calling and proving themselves secular. No harm. I think you will accept my dutiful invocations, my performance of rituals while remaining on duty and undertaking seven circumvolutions on wheel chair, pushed by a person, an acquaintance, a kind man with a same name of as that of my father.

You told me to remember you to let you remember me, not to show any ingratitude. I remember you always, remember you with my tongue and mind within myself humbly and in awe, without loudness of words in the morning, afternoon, evening twice and night and I am not neglectful of your orders. Your messenger told us that all this is better for me only and not to you. I know you are with me when I need you. I know if I approach you with a hand’s width you would approach me with an arm’s length. If I walk towards you, you will hasten me swiftly. If I do not mention your name for any initiation, then I will be put to sorrow. I praise you always and you have given me the strength in my body and mind to do so.

You asked me to pray which I do. I pray a lot. No sorry. Not a lot. But at least four to five times a day, with no time limitations, as your understanding in giving a time range to pray facing towards holy shrine, your own house as people call it. I miss prayers when I forget or when I oversleep or when I am kept occupied. Good thing you gave the margin of overcoming the deficits at any other times, if I am right, out of my left over destined span of life. I have not seen you, but I wish I could. I know there are signs denoting the fact about it. In creation of the heavens and earth and in the alternation of nights and days, there are signs for people of understanding.

You have mentioned in the Book that was sent in clear words for people of understanding. You have not created all without any purpose. We should and better still I should know it. Give me salvation from the torment of fire, and if you admit one it is a disgrace to him, or them or whosoever, they if the oppressors will not get any helpers later. But as of me forgive my sins and expiate my evil doing done unintentionally and make me die in the path of righteousness. Let me be your slave, a righteous one and a pious one. Grant me what you have promised me through your messenger and do not disgrace me and my family and others who are on the efforts to stick to the righteous path on the doom’s day. I believe you never break your promises.

Please do not allow me to get lost, I have emigrated and has driven out of my home, and also suffered harm in this cause, so expiate me and send me to heaven. As for disbeliever you can chose any way you want as a free disposal, as they have deceived you. I am humbling myself in front of you, for you are swift in your account and I will try to be patient and remain content in patience. I will also be vigilant and informed, as the second oft repeated word of the book is to learn to achieve wisdom and I will learn and be a student all my life, to become successful and to die as a martyr.

As you said I avoid doing backbiting or possessing other’s assets, but I lie occasionally to escape liabilities and not on purpose. I’m not a pathological liar. Some benefits I had surely derived out of lying but not much. I found some opinions, but God sir I’m not being judgmental here. I can’t be. It is your domain. But please don’t send me to prison here or to hell hereafter. You said that you will not change the conditions of my life until I bring about a change in myself, my thinking, my attitude and my efforts. You see efforts and people see the results. I will also safeguard me with unclean spirits.

There is more to my entire life than the plan I had chosen or God, you have chosen for me. There is more to it than this right here. Right at this time. Right at this moment. No. There is nothing more to me than this. I’m running out of time. You plan for me as you do for others. But people say or talk about I don’t understand. I can’t comprehend what people talk about God’s plan but I have no objections to your plan chosen for me or for that matter for all of us, even for every living creature on this earth but your grace your benevolent, beneficent, kind and gracious plans I sometime wonder how you chooses who should get which plan and with what purpose.

For example, I had a mother. No, not one. I had two mothers who could do good to me, who could make breakfast for me, who could help me to go to school, who could make snacks. When I returned from school. But what did they get? You took my father away from them who could have come home from job, nine to five and could also take me out of his rest time, although his pending assignments he would have left aside and would have thrown a ball towards me to catch upon, to play with me, to please me and to induce some sense of security in me, help me with my homework, tell me stories at bedtimes and what a life it would have been.

But what happened? Your plan for me just got reversed, went in opposite direction. What happened then? No one could console me. Not even a priest or a minister could explain to me that the worst of your creatures have also been chosen with a plan but they could not right away tell me your plan or probably you have forgotten about me and left no plan for me. I’m beginning to doubt. How could you forget me? You have made me born alone to die alone. Everything in between you have allocated to my choice. So, let’s avoid talking about chosen plans. You must have chosen a plan for me but my mothers wanted me to take up a special faculty so I took it. So, there was no plan of my choice. It was mothers plan or choice. So, there are no chosen plans. What I need from you is to give me a hidden treasure. As you have given to pharaohs with Golden jewels, precious pearls, ornaments whatever, which got buried with them in pyramids.

People just tell me about ‘Gods chosen plans’ whoever they may be, whatever they were or will be I don’t care. They have ample time. I don’t. I do some writing work. I can do lot of writing but I will not. I have done some water colors, dull grey with huts in it to be modest and had intentionally put pine Christmas trees in the background in trial to amalgamate cultures, east and west. I can. I will not fail. With regards to interpretation they can be 2400. That is more than enough and there are 2400 ways the holy book can be interpreted and if I’m wrong put some wisdom in me. I have some sense, some common sense.

I can understand and I will interpret in my way. People take the trouble of making some sense. Pieces out of my claim. Again, in water colors. I don’t care how much time I have taken to bring it out or to finish it. Better still furnish it. But after finishing my own pieces of art, it looks awful to me. One of my oil on Canvas depicts a story of inmates of two houses rather huts undergone a series of tragic events. The strokes of patches of red mean blood baths those inmates have undergone in their past. To others they are black mountains and grey sky.

To my grandchildren they are like two inverted ice-cream cones spilling out the vanilla flavored cream. I had to straighten up all at once and thank you for your wise guidelines, advices which you kept inducing in my mind. At the end of the day, as you told me I will have to bet on my skills, my knowledge and my wisdom which now appears to be something like selective honesty to me and selective dishonesty to others. God, your grace, life has to be goal oriented, need based, purposeful and I promise you, I will Work on it. God, place light in my body, mind and soul and in my grave after my death and grant me light upon light.

Rather please instill a drop of wisdom in my wife’s mind also to work for it. I’m minimizing my risks of life. She is maximizing her risks of life. I don’t know why? I can only appreciate if I get my desired luck all at once, now immediately, at this very moment. Today at this time of day or night. Things which work for her do not work for me. For me what works is the present, not the past and not the future. What is her problem? Why can’t she understand my problems? She doesn’t have time to think about my problems and to try to solve any solutions to my problems.

You mentioned in Holy Book about responsibilities, accountabilities and liabilities, all of it is not acceptable by her terms. It doesn’t make any sense. Let me be very frank and if you listen to her. You may also not understand my problems. I will stop thinking but I cannot offer anything in my position, where I’m playing part time games. There is no tomorrow, no next week or month or year or decade or century. No nothing. I want everything right now. What all you can offer. Your knowledge as the saying goes Knowledge cannot be learned by graying hair under the sun.

Alright I will perform one job, one task, one throw, one payment, One match that’s all. Talking about matches God I cannot match with my wife’s likes and dislikes. I can match with my resources, limited or limitless. I have had enough of this nonsense. She has to come back to her senses. It’s all about synergy. Synergy of optics, synergy of destinies, synergy of luck, good or bad, I had to build up slowly, moment after moment. Forgive me and let me forgive her. I won’t cry, I need not, there cannot be selective modesty, selective sincerity, or selective honesty.

I had to be modest, sincere and honest to prove myself. I had to prove myself first, to prove then to you and then to the world. Thereafter to shine, glitter, embellish and achieve name, fame, gain to make history as though I am an unsung hero or all bitten truth of virtual facts about all important epics, sagas or icons. Please separate me from my sins, as you have separated east from the west and also cleanse me of my transgressions as a white garment is cleansed of stains and preferably wash away my sins with water, ice or frost.

If you can spare few more minutes. I have some petty complaints to register. Not very important, but now that I recollected I need to address it to you. The general rules which I formed at home were not to listen to personal conversations or to hear telephonic communication, not to interrupt across when dialogues are taking place diagonally, not to open doors to strangers, you never know as the saying goes, to knock before entering closed doors, not to gossip, I mean backbiting which you have already endorsed in holy book and to consider studying as worship.

I hope I had not exceeded in my directives to my family, to return home before sunset, to report adversaries before good news and confide among the family, not necessarily in the form of confession to a bishop but better to inform realities before it is made aware from outsiders. To remain in reality, to keep modesty as virtue and sincerity as value, to sublime secrets of family as your own to pay for mistakes and if anyone doesn’t want to pay they better avoid doing mistakes and do not commit and if someone does he, she or them have to stick to it.

Anyway, my lord, making long story short I had a worst luck in life and for your kind information women folk, can give nothing except bubbles so you better remain yourself safe, there will be no risk to your status, no worst taste of cuisines when my wife cooks spicy cuisine. You are the knower of seen and unseen. You can differ among your slaves by which they differ. Also guide with the truth with what your slaves differ, as you can guide whomsoever you chose.

Are you getting me God, there are lot of things I better start making a list and to start making my own desires of my life you can be as much of a God you care to be but the General rule is one should start blogging only after 18 plus. I can live without describing anything to you. But who isn’t these days. One should develop self-awareness I’m pretty much the last person to find self-awareness but I’m working hard to understand myself. God, No, add another O. GOOD! That’s what I meant Good people don’t regret but my wife does. She regrets almost everything. She regretted having children. I told her very few regrets having a child. I also told her to stop eating sweets, I also told her to come back to her senses and to understand that I had other liabilities and crushes on many people but it doesn’t make me insane.

I actually didn’t want to dab on her but maybe I did. They play daunty Games and mostly they save themselves to be able to reunite with their past crushes. Now that is all, I cannot do more than this. I cannot liberate this corrupt, greedy and cruel society of cowards. I’m not willing to liberate them. No more independence. Once I even told her to cancel her reality shows and to become a better person. I think her life would be lot comfortable and will not go back to the way it was.

I know you how tender you are and I also know how angry you could be. I don’t think you want to hurt me. I keep asking this question myself whether people want to hunt me and the answer which echoes in space and come back to me is ‘everyone’. You’re wonderful and you deserve wonderful treatment with your remarkable spirits given to me in a fraction of a fraction. My parts of life will become whole. If you have a minute of extra time please record that our relationship of creator and believer is accurate without going into details.

You continue demarcating with your regulated advices some matted, some embroidered on less than thick fabric which I can wear and varnish my looks and be a better person. A person who should know my ins and outs. A person who should know my identity which cannot be changed or duplicated or faked. i can manage, if I find people intellectually compatible with me otherwise I feel my heart exploding and my lungs screaming out and I feel like taking sleeping pills enough to manifest dependence, tolerance and even addiction.

Sorry I got distracted I wanted to tell you the differences between east and west again. the westerners whether they are racists or fools who cannot understand their own services. They try to complete their responsibilities like a formality. They are pharmacists of this place. If I am lucky to encounter an easterner I am saved, but that does not happen quite often. As such they are in a hurry, they do not know how to deal with their work load. Their work comprising of orders, orders from doctors and orders from the patients. They are better suited for the job or orderlies and better start behaving like them, but instead they try to prove that they are qualified among the smarts. They talk about space conservation as though it is an endangered species of forests, animals, energy etc. but I am obliged to consume space as I need it.

Part 2

Oh God, you are the light from heaven down to earth and you have been sustaining this earth, universe, galaxies and what not in it. Your word is true, your audience is true, everything up and above the sky is true, your prophets are true and the last one is true, your day of judgement to come is true and I submit myself to you to depend on you. I believe in you, I dispute favors for your sake, I judge for your sake and I turn in repentance to you. I do not know how much time I am left with and I want to make the best use of it. I do not want to plan events which I may organize but fail to attend. I do not want a boring life of