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    Manage Your Expectations: Let the Numbers Do the Talking
    Manage Your Expectations: Let the Numbers Do the Talking
    Manage Your Expectations: Let the Numbers Do the Talking
    Ebook180 pages1 hour

    Manage Your Expectations: Let the Numbers Do the Talking

    By Jacqueline Eddy and Marshall Karro

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    About this ebook

    While no one expects to get divorced. It is sometimes inevitable...

    This book encourages you to Manage your Expectations by focusing on the facts of your unique and personal familial situation. The best way to accomplish this is through The Collaborative Law Divorce Process.

    There are inherent benefits to all................you, your spouse, your children, your friends, your extended family and your employer.

    This process focuses on the interests and the financial position of Each Party to create options to make sound decisions. The collaborative law attorneys and financial professionals are trained to focus on creating compromise rather than adversity. This book provides valuable information, items to consider and sample legal clauses to educate and encourage you as you prepare your own divorce agreement.

    Save yourself time, money and unnecessary stress!
    Let the numbers do the talking!

    If you are still uncertain of how you should proceed, ask yourself this question: When I look back at this time in my life, will I be proud how I handled myself, gathered information and sought quality experts and professionals to assist me through the divorce process? It is your life; make the most of it!

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherArchway Publishing
    Release dateFeb 13, 2019
    ISBN9781480874176
    Manage Your Expectations: Let the Numbers Do the Talking
    Author

    Jacqueline Eddy

    As an individual who has been through a divorce and helped numerous clients understand their financial situation and options, Jacqueline Eddy is an advocate of the Collaborative Law Divorce Process. She is inspired by this new approach to settling divorces more amicably for the entire family. Throughout her career, she has worked with Ernst and Young and PricewaterhouseCoopers, served as a board member of a charitable organization, school organizations and chaired committees through her local schools and township. She has served as a Faith Formation teacher and Living your Strengths facilitator for many years. All of these experiences have given Jacqueline the strength, compassion and analytical acumen to help others evaluate and manage their expectations. She lives in Charlotte, North Carolina and enjoys tennis, boating, hiking, traveling and spending time with family at the lake.

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      Book preview

      Manage Your Expectations - Jacqueline Eddy

      Copyright © 2019 Jacqueline Eddy.

      All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

      This book is a work of non-fiction. Unless otherwise noted, the author and the publisher make no explicit guarantees as to the accuracy of the information contained in this book and in some cases, names of people and places have been altered to protect their privacy.

      The information included and presented in this guide should not be used or construed as financial, tax or legal advice. You should consult with the appropriate professionals to discuss the specific needs of your unique and personal situation.

      Scripture quotations are taken from The Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

      Archway Publishing

      1663 Liberty Drive

      Bloomington, IN 47403

      www.archwaypublishing.com

      1 (888) 242-5904

      Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

      Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

      Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

      ISBN: 978-1-4808-7418-3 (sc)

      ISBN: 978-1-4808-7417-6 (e)

      Library of Congress Control Number: 2019900800

      Archway Publishing rev. date: 02/08/2019

      Table of Contents

      A divorce guide designed to empower you

      Foreword by Charlene Grattan, MSW, LCSW, former senior counselor at St. Matthews Catholic Church, the largest catholic congregation in the United States

      Introduction: Empowering You

      Part I: Determining what is best for your situation

      Chapter 1 – Evaluating Your Situation

      Chapter 2 – Personal Assessment

      Part II: Evaluating your needs and creating a fair and complete Separation Agreement or Memorandum of Understanding

      Chapter 3 – Agreements Related to Children

      Chapter 4 – Agreements Related to Marital Assets

      Chapter 5 – Spousal Support

      Chapter 6 – Other Pertinent Agreements/Disclosures

      Part III: Moving on with dignity and grace

      Chapter 7 – Moving Forward:

      A: Insights, viewpoints and encouragement from Author Jacqueline Eddy

      B: Insights, viewpoints and encouragement from Consulting Attorney, Marshall Karro

      Chapter 8 – Conclusion

      Reference Documents

      Appendix A –  Sample Case Scenario

      Appendix B –  Collaborative Divorce Engagement Agreement

      Appendix C –  Checklists and Worksheets

      Appendix D –  Budget for Additional Children’s Expenses

      Appendix E –  Alimony What If Scenario

      ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

      This book represents an effort to bring comfort, peace, practicality, reality and efficiency to the divorce process. While there has been much chatter in the industry about the concept of The Collaborative Law Divorce Process, an effort that advocates an interest-based approach to mediation, there is still so much adversity and animosity. It is my hope that this publication will further promote the awareness and benefits of The Collaborative Law Divorce Process.

      I have a great desire to help make the divorce process efficient and manageable. Personal experience and connection with others prompted me to create this guide to make this significant life transition easier, more cost effective and, most importantly, empowering to all who find themselves in this difficult situation.

      It was a pleasure and an honor to be able to work with Marshall Karro as a consulting attorney for this guide. Marshall stated that his incentive to be a part of the publication of this guide was the fact that after years of experience in the courtroom, he had struggled with the unnecessary chaos of the adversarial approach to divorce and the resulting toxicity and detriment of the parties who, in many cases, were also parents of children. He feels strongly that many cases can be settled with agreements that are secured through a process, which is solution oriented as opposed to winning by any means within the judicial rulebook. This book could not have been created or published without his expertise.

      At my first Certified Divorce Financial Analyst conference I had the pleasure of meeting Douglas I. Donald, MBA, CPA/PFS, CRPC, Cr.FA, CDFA who so graciously provided a peer review of this publication. Donald is one of the most generous and considerate professionals that I have ever had the pleasure of working with and I value his opinions and input.

      I would especially like to thank the following people who were instrumental in my personal divorce recovery: Carolina Checa, Gladys Espinel, Kari Gras, Melissa Harding, Peggy Herbert, Michelle Kasak, Sharon and Donny Lainhart, Anne Paramour, Kathy Sawrey, Linda Soldo, Tammy Ward and my wonderful family whose love and support have grounded me. I would also like to thank Sheila and John Fassler who gave me a job after my own divorce and the entrepreneurial inspiration to pursue this endeavor and my wonderful husband who helped me to the finish line!

      But most importantly, I would like to thank God for being my sunshine, my courage and my strength! By allowing myself to trust in God, I was able to find my way!

      FOREWORD

      I believe in marriage. Everyone who gets married assumes it will be forever. It isn’t always, and the expectation does not have the power to ruin your life. I fear I am part of a dying breed that still believes that love conquers all. Research states that more than 60% of marriages end in divorce today. Albeit a staggering amount, even more second marriages fail. So you must be reading this book because you are facing divorce. I’m sorry your marriage didn’t work out. However, this book can help you gain some knowledge to have a successful and collaborative experience.

      The author, Jacqueline Eddy, has done her homework both personally and professionally in the writing of this book. Within the following pages, you will discover skills and tools you can use. Try to make this divorce process into a possibly positive experience for you and your spouse.

      The context of this book will assist you to lessen your stress and anxiety as you plan your divorce, interact with loved ones and professionals, and negotiate a settlement you can both live with for the near future. Most individuals don’t want to go to war. They want to move on with their dignity intact. If you choose to be adversarial, I’m sure hostility will boomerang back to you. However, if the choices reflect a sense of moving through the process as fairly as you can, the rewards will be numerous.

      So is it possible to have a collaborative and successful divorce? Yes, it is possible. It isn’t going to be easy, but if both individuals face the process with maturity, mutual goals, and stay on track, i.e. focused, it is possible.

      Again my sorrow that you are reading these pages and finding yourself on the road to divorce. The journey can be long, tedious and expensive; or it can be civil, collaborative and kind. The choice, as there will be many of those in your future, is completely up to you. Just remember that the suffering ends; the grief lessens. Joy and happiness will fill your heart again.

      Be well.

      INTRODUCTION

      Empowering you

      "Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man’s character, give him power."

      - Abraham Lincoln

      Isn’t this what divorce comes down to? A power struggle over who will win, get things, come out better than the other, keep the kids or the dogs! In the end, do you really win? This guide is not intended as a promotion of divorce, but addresses the fact that divorce is sometimes inevitable. Nearly 50% of all marriages end in divorce, and the percentages are significantly higher for second and third marriages. In my opinion, a substantial part of this increase is due to the enactment of the no-fault divorce laws and the fact that getting divorced is sadly becoming more culturally accepted. The process of divorce is even more daunting because the courts are backlogged, there is an inability to compromise and the time it takes to complete the divorce process has become a burden on each party and their families.

      I have had a variety of experiences from working in public accounting with Ernst & Young and PricewaterhouseCoopers LLP to chairing committees in my local schools and township to serving on the board of directors for a non-profit organization. But none of these experiences prepared me for the emotional and financial devastation of divorce. I ended up mediating my divorce settlement but came away with intense thoughts that "There has to be a better way." I began coaching individuals through referrals from my church, and after much research began to learn more about The Collaborative Law Divorce Process. A crucial component of this process is an evaluation of the parties’ financial situation through an analysis by a CDFA/CPA, which basically "lets the numbers do the talking." Analytically, this sparked my interest and further emphasized the fact that so many of the decisions to be made in the divorce process are based on the financial position of the parties. By preparing financial scenarios, each party can make better and more personal decisions. This information is not only extremely valuable to the individuals but also to the attorneys and mediators. The reality of the legal parameters and the numbers help address and manage client expectations.

      I have had the distinct honor and blessing of working with Marshall Karro, a practicing divorce lawyer in Charlotte, North Carolina in consultation while writing this reference guide. He has been in practice since 1973 and is a leader in the field of divorce mediation and collaborative divorce. He is a certified Family Financial Mediator and a certified Superior Court Mediator who has mediated more than 3,000 family conflict cases since 1995. He is an equally passionate advocate of the non-adversarial collaborative law process. Marshall is also a certified Level One Collaborative Divorce attorney and a founding member of the Charlotte Collaborative Divorce Professionals, a select group of attorneys, financial neutrals, divorce coaches and child specialists dedicated to the efficiency and values of collaborative law approach to conflict resolution.

      Marshall has served as wonderful mentor, advocate and invaluable resource. His insights and genuine humanity towards couples, especially those with children, has been instrumental in gathering information that would directly benefit those struggling through the divorce process.

      So where do you begin?

      If your intention is to save money, make the most of the assets you have and separate as amicably as possible, we suggest The Collaborative Law Divorce Process. This process begins by having the singular goal of creating a complete and thorough agreement that specifically addresses the needs of each party given his/her financial situation. This approach is in direct contrast to the traditional adversarial methods used in the divorce process whereby each party is represented by his/her attorney and the purpose is to get as much as you can from the process or to give as little as you can. There is a tremendous amount of wasted efforts on emotional expectations and duplication of costs to produce financial information to ensure full disclosure. The Collaborative Law Divorce Process bridges this gap by providing an interest-based negotiation model for resolving disputes. This process provides each party with legal representation and makes use of a financial neutral, a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA), to prepare scenarios for consideration to make the most equitable distribution in the best interests of EACH party and their family members. Most individuals do not realize that all assets are not created equal and that there are a multitude of special circumstances and tax implications that affect the distribution and ultimate value of a given asset. See Appendix A for a case scenario. While this case may appear to be an

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