A House in the Countryside: Living Gamble Free and Happy
()
About this ebook
This is the true story of William Halstead, a carefree and happy guy who succumbed to a horrific, relentless, and sometimes life-threatening gambling addiction. This eventually led him down a dark path towards serious mental health issues. A House in the Countryside is a short but compelling insight into the mind of an addict, the resulting psychological problems, and the impact this is having on many similar lives throughout society – an awful disease from which happiness can be found again.
William Halstead
William Halstead is a writer from Yorkshire, England. He initially worked in finance for many years after leaving college, before turning to writing and blogging. In July 2021 he set up a community interest company called Laid Bear Recovery, to help people with gambling and mental health issues.
Related to A House in the Countryside
Related ebooks
Fear of Gambling Addiction Recovery Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsHow To Really Stop A Suicide: ‘The Ultimate Guide To Ending Pain… Instead Of Life’ Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Purse Snatchers Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThat's Mental: Painfully Funny Things That Drive Me Crazy About Being Mentally Ill Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Betting On Serenity: How To Win When Your Partner Is Lost To Gambling Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsDefy the Darkness: A Story of Suicide, Mental Health, and Overcoming Your Hardest Battles Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsLife is a Four-Letter Word: A Mental Health Survival Guide for Professionals Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsSo, You’re Crazy Too? Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5The Other Side of the Curtain Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsNO ONE KNEW: MY EMOTIONAL JOURNEY OF BEING MARRIED TO A SOCIOPATH AND HOW I LEARNED TO HEAL Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsMy Chaotic Life As A Bipolar Person Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Thirteenth Step Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThought of Suicide? Welcome to the Club! Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsSuicide... Why? Help Me Understand Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Crazy Twins: Surviving Bipolar and Alzheimer's Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsPoverty of the Mind Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsLoving a BiPolar Bear Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsRegular and Decaf: One Friend with Schizophrenia, One Friend with Bipolar, One Cup at a Time. Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsSilent Assassin of Your Average Jonny Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratings1313 Magnolia Way Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsInside the Mind of a Gambler: The Hidden Addiction and How to Stop Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Exit Stage Left: From Suicidal to Imaginative Thinking Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsStage II Recovery: Life Beyond Addiction Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Am I Mad or is it Just Me Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsUncaged: Trauma Recovery Using Facet Integration Technique Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsSpirituality Over Suicidal Depression Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Hate/Smile: The Greatest Story Never Told Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsHow To Fight Depression And Win; From Victim To Victorious: stay focused! stay productive! stay motivated!, #2 Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsTrapped in the Abyss: No way out Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsBatshit Crazy: A Peak Behind the Curtain of Bipolar 1 and P.T.S.D. From One Man's Perspective Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratings
Biography & Memoir For You
A Stolen Life: A Memoir Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Meditations: Complete and Unabridged Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Taste: My Life Through Food Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Leonardo da Vinci Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5First, We Make the Beast Beautiful: A New Journey Through Anxiety Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5No Time Like the Future: An Optimist Considers Mortality Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5People, Places, Things: My Human Landmarks Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5The Good Neighbor: The Life and Work of Fred Rogers Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Good Girls Don't Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5A Billion Years: My Escape From a Life in the Highest Ranks of Scientology Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Mommie Dearest Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5This Is Going to Hurt: Secret Diaries of a Young Doctor Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5A Crack In Creation: Gene Editing and the Unthinkable Power to Control Evolution Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Indifferent Stars Above: The Harrowing Saga of the Donner Party Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Breaking Free: How I Escaped Polygamy, the FLDS Cult, and My Father, Warren Jeffs Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Ivy League Counterfeiter Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Sex Cult Nun: Breaking Away from the Children of God, a Wild, Radical Religious Cult Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Simple Faith of Mister Rogers: Spiritual Insights from the World's Most Beloved Neighbor Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Disloyal: A Memoir: The True Story of the Former Personal Attorney to President Donald J. Trump Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Working Stiff: Two Years, 262 Bodies, and the Making of a Medical Examiner Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Boy Who Harnessed the Wind: Creating Currents of Electricity and Hope Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Solace of Open Spaces: Essays Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Autism in Heels: The Untold Story of a Female Life on the Spectrum Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Strange Angel: The Otherworldly Life of Rocket Scientist John Whiteside Parsons Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Last Yakuza: life and death in the Japanese underworld Rating: 2 out of 5 stars2/5Can I Say: Living Large, Cheating Death, and Drums, Drums, Drums Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5
Reviews for A House in the Countryside
0 ratings0 reviews
Book preview
A House in the Countryside - William Halstead
About the Author
William Halstead is a writer from Yorkshire, England. He initially worked in finance for many years after leaving college, before turning to writing and blogging. In July 2021 he set up a community interest company called Laid Bear Recovery, to help people with gambling and mental health issues.
Copyright Information ©
William Halstead 2022
The right of William Halstead to be identified as author of this work has been asserted by the author in accordance with section 77 and 78 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior permission of the publishers.
Any person who commits any unauthorised act in relation to this publication may be liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims for damages.
All of the events in this memoir are true to the best of author’s memory. The views expressed in this memoir are solely those of the author.
A CIP catalogue record for this title is available from the British Library.
ISBN 9781398422599 (Paperback)
ISBN 9781398422605 (ePub e-book)
www.austinmacauley.com
First Published 2022
Austin Macauley Publishers Ltd®
1 Canada Square
Canary Wharf
London
E14 5AA
For every lovely human being who has stood by me.
For a long time, as negative as this sounds, I’d say gambling was the most exciting thing in my life. The thrill and adrenaline rush from gambling wasn’t comparable to anything else. And that’s what addiction is, that’s why it happens, that’s why it exists. But in the long term, the addiction eats away at every other positive in your life, until the only positive is when you’re getting the fix. Everything else falls apart. Soon enough, the addiction is the only thing that ceases the anxiety of your shit existence. It’s a sad and lonely place. It’s unsustainable. This can’t go on forever. Eventually, it becomes too much.
Gambling and Mental Health
‘It’s not just gambling with money; it’s gambling with lives.’
What is mental health?
What is addiction? Do I have an addiction?
Is there a link between addiction and mental health?
What do 12 years of heavy gambling do to a person?
Am I alone in life? Am I the only person with these problems?
Is there a way for me to change my path or am I pretty much fucked?
Will this all end in my premature death? Or locked up in a mental institution?
Several years ago, I wouldn’t have asked these questions. I certainly couldn’t have answered them. I perhaps still can’t fully understand to this day what I have endured. But what I do have, is a much better understanding of myself and what I need from life. What makes me happy. And that’s what is surely most important?
What Is This Book?
True.
Concise.
A memoir.
Sad.
Happy.
Funny.
Unbelievable.
Informative.
Honest.
And proof that things and people can change for the better.
This book started with a blank piece of A4 paper on which I began to write down my thoughts and feelings after many years of gambling. My addiction was slowly killing the person I was, and I knew I needed to change something drastically. The eventuality of wanting to ‘fix myself’ but feeling hopeless when I couldn’t was awful. I always said I could give up, but truth is, by the end I was terrified I couldn’t stop. Am I a leopard, unable to change my spots? Were gambling and mental health problems part of my innate nature, my genetic make-up? This thought was ruthlessly chipping away at what was left of my existence. The addict would always overpower me. Because that’s what it was for me. I was me – funny, weird, affectionate, mischievous, nerdy. But I was also sharing my life with an addict who had slowly grown stronger as my own self-worth had grown weaker. This person was the opposite of everything I am. My addiction fed mental health problems and I was eventually, and now I know inevitably, caught up by serious depression and anxiety.
Recovery is a battle. A battle that has become easier simply through knowledge. Learning about my addiction and subsequent problems is what has truly helped me. I don’t believe the addiction can be cured – an addict is an addict is an addict. But it can be beaten down by the power of understanding it and the realisation of why it can’t be allowed to win. For many years, I tried to ignore the addiction, but this wasn’t helping. The addiction is fact. I knew I must face it head on.
I’ve accepted over time that I shouldn’t be ashamed of my journey, it’s what has shaped me as a person and is a continuous reminder to me of why I don’t gamble and why my mental health is so important. With the struggle I’ve experienced over the last 12 years, I eventually started to realise that I could use this to possibly help other people who are going through similar situations to me, and to make them realise they are not alone – something I felt a lot during my darkest days. For years, I wondered if anyone at all was going through what I was. The more I have researched gambling and addiction for this book, the more I have become aware of the scale of the problem. People may suffer in a variety of ways with gambling, but the inner mechanics of every gambler’s brain are the same. And this structure which eventually leads to addiction has lasting negative impacts on mental health in a lot of cases.
The following account will not be a glamourous and comfortable read for many. It will possibly shock even the people who have always been there to support me. I will be giving a brutally honest account – as honest as I can possibly be to help people understand – of my actions and thoughts and what they caused. An open window into the mind of a gambling addict and the further mental illness issues that follow such an addiction. It’s hard for others to know what’s happened and see the full picture. What is seen is usually the aftermath and consequences of gambling. I hope this will give whoever is interested an insight into this life. A poor life no one should have to lead.
I also want this book to provide people, who are struggling to support someone with gambling and mental health issues, a detailed insight into the problems. This can help to fight this notion that addicts are alone when dealing with their problems. And possibly help stop those who are supporting an addict from feeling helpless.
What Isn’t This Book?
This book is not a lecture to everyone who has ever gambled. There are a lot of people out there who can gamble, have fun and walk away. I am not one of those people. There are, however, thousands like me. I’m now 31 years old, and after 12 years of battling this ruthless disease, I feel it’s time to tell my story. Gambling and mental health battles feel like ‘the elephant in the room’ at times, but the truth is, it’s silently destroying lives. I want others to realise that if they think they need help, they should seek it out like I eventually did.
What worked for me will not necessarily work for everyone who has gambling problems, but what is true, is that anyone who thinks they may be struggling, can stop with the right help and actions. It doesn’t have to lead to mental health problems like depression and anxiety. It doesn’t have to lead to the destruction of someone’s life. A life of debt and failing relationships and all the other shit that accompanies addiction. To never start gambling in the first place, for those susceptible, would be idyllic. However, in today’s world where gambling is so accessible and normalised, this seems unlikely.
I like to think this book is me signing off a period of my life. Putting my experiences in a locked box for a time when I might want to look at them again. My life of gambling up to this point has shaped me but it will no longer control me, and this book is a continuous reminder of it.
Sigmund Freud
The renowned Sigmund Freud.
Sigmund Freud was an Austrian neurologist and founder of the technique known as psychoanalysis. Psychoanalysis is the clinical method of treating psychopathology through dialogue between a patient and a psychoanalyst – having a chat, I guess! Though at times his work was provocative, it is without doubt that Freud’s thinking has left a lasting mark on psychology, psychiatry and psychotherapy. This guy also knew how to turn a phrase! I have picked out a few quotes from Freud which I thought were interesting and I could relate to. I have put these throughout the book (denoted by an SF) where I felt it was most appropriate. Freud isn’t someone I knew much about before studying him for this book. I now know that, for all his famous and crazy ideas, he was an important figure in history. A giant of the thinking world.
Part I – Gambling Addiction
The Beginning
My name is Will and I am a gambling addict. I also struggle with mental health issues. First of all, the gambling. This is where the difficulties began for me.
I haven’t admitted my addiction too often over the last 12 years, even though they were spent living my life on the spin of a roulette wheel, the roll of a dice or the kick of a football. I’ve never had any doubt in my mind that this is what I am. However, I’ve found that the world gambling created was a secretive and lonely place. One which I hid from most people. Those close family and friends who were aware of my addiction struggled to understand it. Just as much as I struggled to find a way out.
Did my early life suggest I was more susceptible to this destructive disease? I had always had what me and my friends would jokingly call an addictive personality, but I’m sure that gambling addiction goes beyond that. Something works differently in a gambling addict’s brain, the mechanics are distorted. The draw of ‘just one more bet’ and