NLP Handbook: The 80/20 of Neuro-linguistic Programming

Chapter 1: The Foundations of NLP

History of NLP

Neuro-linguistic Programming, or NLP for short, started in the 1970s over at the University of California. At the time, John Grinder was an assistant professor at the university and Richard Bandler was a psychology student. He was also interested in psychotherapy.

Bandler started off by modeling Virginia Satir and Fritz Perls. Both of them were highly successful therapists in their own right. Virginia Satir was a world-renowned family therapist who was able to resolve difficult family relationships that others found nearly impossible. Fritz Perls was an established psychotherapist and the originator of a school of therapy known as Gestalt. Bandler used Fritz Perls’ Gestalt therapy and formed study groups and began holding workshops centered around Gestalt therapy.

Later on, John and Richard also modeled Milton Erickson. Milton Erickson was a world-famous hypnotherapist and is considered by many to be the founding father of Modern Hypnotherapy. He was known for his use of indirect suggestion, metaphor, and storytelling to induce trance and facilitate change in his clients.

Between 1975 and 1977, they published their initial findings in the Structure of Magic Vol. 1 and 2, which was based on the techniques of Fritz Perls and Virginia Satir, and the Patterns of the Hypnotic Techniques of Milton Erickson Vol. 1 and Vol. 2. They were originally intended to be used by therapists when working with their clients and were later recognized as seminal works in Neuro-linguistic Programming.

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NLP Model

To understand NLP, let’s first break down each letter.

N stands for Neuro, which refers to how we process our experiences through the 5 senses. These senses each map to a representational system. Representational systems are our internal systems for how we re-present experience in our internal screen. In NLP, there are 5 main representational systems that we look at: Visual, Auditory, Kinesthetic, Olfactory, and Gustatory.

Visual is what we see. For example, when you think of a car, you may see an image of a car in your mind, or recall a specific color, shape, or model of a car.

Auditory is what we hear. For example, when you think of a car, you may hear the sound of the engine, the horn, or the music playing inside.

Kinesthetic is what we can feel. For example, when you think of a car, you may feel the sensation of driving, the temperature, the texture, or the emotion associated with the car.

Olfactory is what we can smell. For example, when you think of a car, you may smell the gasoline, the leather, or the air freshener.

Gustatory is what we can taste. For example, when you think of a car, you may taste the coffee, the gum, or the food that you ate in the car.

Most people have a preferred representational system that’s either Visual, Auditory, or Kinesthetic. This means that they tend to process information more easily and effectively through one of these senses. Knowing your own and others’ preferred representational systems can help you communicate better and build rapport.

L stands for Linguistic, which refers to language and non-verbal processes that we use to give meaning to our representations. Language is not only a way of expressing our thoughts, but also a way of shaping them. The words we choose, the tone we use, the gestures we make, and the questions we ask can all influence how we perceive and respond to reality. NLP teaches us how to use language more effectively and precisely to achieve our desired outcomes.

P stands for Programming, which is the act of creating systematic responses. Programming is the way we organize our thoughts, feelings, and actions to produce certain results. We all have programs that run automatically in our mind, such as habits, routines, skills, strategies, etc. Some of these programs are beneficial, while others are outdated and ineffective. NLP helps us change our programs to suit our current needs and goals.

The NLP Patterns is what we use to program ourselves to get better results in life. These are the techniques that help us change our behavior, beliefs, emotions, and identity.

As you can see, NLP is a model made up of 3 components. By learning how these components work together, you put yourself in a position to attain excellence. NLP is not only a theory but also a practice. The best way to learn NLP is to apply it to your own life and experience the results for yourself.

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NLP Presuppositions

NLP Presuppositions are useful filters for viewing the world. They’re neither true nor false. But, if you were to adopt these presuppositions as if they were true, it can produce dramatic changes in how you view the world and how you relate to other people.

The meaning of communication is the response one gets.

In communication, it’s usually assumed that one is transferring information to another person. One has information which means something to them and intends that the other person understand what they intend to communicate. Frequently one assumes that if they say what they mean to say, then their responsibility for the communication is over.

If you want to be an effective communicator, you must realize that your responsibility does not end when you finish talking. For practical purposes, what you communicate is what the other person thinks you say and not what you intend to say. Often the two are quite different.

In communication, it is what the other person thinks that one says and how they respond to it that is important. This requires that you pay attention to the response that you’re getting. If this is not the response that you want, then you need to change your communication until you get the desired response.

The map is not the territory.

Good communicators realize that the representations which they use to organize their experience of the world is not the same as the world.

It is important to distinguish between several semantic levels. The first semantic level is the external world. The second semantic level is one’s experience of the world. This experience is one’s map or model of the world and is different for each person. Each person creates a unique model of the world and thus lives in a somewhat different reality than everyone else.

One does not operate directly on the world but on one’s experience of it. This experience may or may not be correct. To the extent that one’s experience has a similar structure with the world it is correct and this accounts for its usefulness.

One’s model of the world determines how one will perceive the world and what choices one will see as available to them. Many NLP techniques involve changing one’s model of the world to make it more useful and to bring it more in line with the way the world is.

Language is a secondary representation of experience.

Language is the third semantic level after the external world and one’s representation of the world, respectively.

Language is not experience but a representation of experience. Words are merely arbitrary tokens used to represent things one sees, hears, or feels. People who speak other languages use different words to represent the same things that English speakers see, hear or feel.

Also, since each person has a unique set of things that they have seen, heard, and felt in their lives, their words have different meanings to each of them. To the degree that these meanings are similar people can communicate effectively. When there are more differences than similarities, then problems begin to arise.

We can use language patterns like the Sleight of Mouth model (more on that later) to help us speak more concisely as well as create positive change in others.

Mind and body are parts of the same cybernetic system which affect one another.

Mind and body both refer to aspects of the same whole or gestalt. They act as one and they influence each other in such a way that there is no separation. Anything that happens in one part of a cybernetic system like a human being will affect all other parts of the system. This means that what you think affects how you feel and that the condition of your physical body affects how you think.

Your perceptual input, internal thought process, emotional process, physiological response and behavioral output all occur both simultaneously and through time. In practical terms, this means that you can change how you think by either directly changing how you think or by changing your physiology or feelings.

Law of Requisite Variety: In any cybernetic system, the element or person with the widest range of behaviors, variability, or choice will control the system.

Control in human systems refers to the ability to influence the quality of one’s own and other people’s experience in the moment and through time. The person with the greatest flexibility of behavior, i.e. number of ways of interacting, will control that system. Choice is always preferable to no choice and more choice is generally more preferable than less choice.

Behavior is geared towards adaptation.

One’s behavior is determined by the context in which that behavior originates. One’s reality is defined by one’s perceptions of the world. The behavior that one exhibits is appropriate to their reality. All of one’s behavior whether good or bad is an adaptation.

Everything is useful in some context. All behavior is, or was, adaptive given the context in which it was learned. In another context it may not be appropriate. People need to realize this and change their behavior when it is appropriate to do so.

Present behavior represents the best choice available to that person.

Under every behavior lies a positive intent. When you take into account who a person is, based on all of their life experiences and the choices that they are aware of, they make the best choice available to them at any moment in time. If they are given a better choice, they will take it.

In order to change someone’s inappropriate behavior, it is necessary to give them other choices. Once this is done they will behave accordingly. Neuro-linguistic Programming has techniques for providing additional choices. Also, in Neuro-linguistic Programming, one never takes away choices from their clients, nor anyone else for that matter. One only provides more choices and explicitly contextualizes the existing choices.

Behavior is to be evaluated and appreciated or changed as appropriate in the context presented.

We need to evaluate other people’s behavior in terms of what they are capable of becoming. One needs to strive to be all they are capable of being.

People have all of the resources they need to make the changes they want.

The task is to locate or access those resources and to make them available in the appropriate context. Neuro-linguistic Programming provides techniques to accomplish this task. What this means is that in practice people do not need to waste time trying to gain insight into their problems or in developing resources to deal with their problems. They already have all the resources which they need to deal with their problems. All that is necessary is to access these resources and transfer them to the current time frame.

Possible in the world and possible for me is only a matter of how.

If any other human being is capable of performing some behavior then it is possible for you to also perform it. The process of determining how they do it is called modeling and is the process by which Neuro-linguistic Programming came into being in the first place.

The highest-quality information about other people is behavioral.

Listen to what people say but pay more attention to what they do. If there is any contradiction between the two, then rely on the behavior.

It is useful to make a distinction between behavior and self.

Just because one screws up on something, does not mean that they are a screw up. Behavior is what a person says, does or feels at any moment in time. This does not equate to one’s self. A person’s self is greater than their behaviors.

There is no such thing as failure, there is only feedback.

It is much more valuable to view one’s experience in terms of a learning frame than in terms of a failure frame. If a person does not succeed in something, this does not mean that they have failed. It just means that they have discovered one way not to do that particular thing. One then needs to vary their behavior until they find a way to succeed.

The person who sets the frame for the communication controls the communicating.

All of us have mental frames that we carry around in our heads. Our mental frames determine not only what we look at but how we look at things. Frames play an important role in communication and the person who sets the frame will usually control the interaction. Examples of frames include win-win frame, win-lose frame, religious frame, gossip frame, and so on.

Resistance indicates a lack of rapport.

When a client is not responding the way you would like, it is your responsibility to take ownership of their response and to alter your behavior accordingly. Be flexible in your approach and find a way to get on the same page as your client. You do not need to flee at the first sign of trouble. For some people, establishing rapport is more challenging than for others, but it is possible. Keep saying words that match their internal state and don’t give up without a fight.

Humans can experience one-trial learning.

The human body is a true natural marvel. It can learn things with radical efficiency under the right circumstances. For example, if you throw a boy into the water and he doesn’t know how to swim, he may grow up being afraid of the water for the rest of his life. NLP allows us to tap into our ability to learn things quickly to create near-instant change in almost any aspect of our lives.

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The 4 Operational Principles

Neuro-linguistic programming is based on 4 operational principles that guide the practice and application of NLP techniques. These principles are essential for anyone who wants to master NLP and use it effectively in their own life and with others.

The first operational principle is to know your outcome. You need to have a clear and specific goal in mind for what you want to achieve, whether it is a personal change, a professional success, or a desired outcome with another person. Knowing your outcome gives you a direction and a purpose for your actions. Without knowing your outcome, you’re like a ship without a compass, drifting aimlessly in the sea of possibilities.

The second operational principle is to have sufficient sensory acuity to know whether or not you’re getting closer. This is the ability to notice the subtle changes and feedback that occur as you move towards your outcome. Sensory acuity is the skill of paying attention to the signals that your senses provide you, such as visual, auditory, kinesthetic, olfactory, and gustatory cues.

The third operational principle is to have sufficient flexibility of behavior so that you can vary your behavior until you get your desired outcome. This means you can adapt your behavior and approach according to the situation and the feedback you receive. Flexibility of behavior is the key to overcoming obstacles and challenges that arise as you pursue your outcome. Flexibility of behavior is also based on the presupposition of the Law of Requisite Variety, which states that the system or person with the most flexibility will control the system or person with the least flexibility.

The fourth operational principle is to take action now. If you want things to happen, then you must have the willingness and courage to take action in the present. Action is the bridge between your intention and reality. Without action, your outcome will remain a dream or wish. Taking action now means you don’t procrastinate, hesitate, or wait for perfect conditions to start. You take the first step and then the next one, and you keep moving forward until you reach your destination.

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Well-Formedness Conditions

Well-Formedness Conditions are a set of criteria that help us formulate outcomes that are more realistic, specific, and congruent with our values and goals. These conditions are based on the idea that the language we use shapes our reality and influences our behavior. By following these conditions, we can ensure that our outcomes are clear, positive, and achievable. There are seven conditions in total.

The first condition is to state the outcome in positive terms. This means that we focus on what we want, rather than what we don’t want. For example, instead of saying I don’t want to be stressed, we can say I want to be calm and relaxed. The reason for this is that our mind cannot process negations directly. It has to first imagine what we don’t want, and then try to avoid it. This creates a conflict between our conscious and subconscious mind, and makes it harder to achieve our desired state.

The second condition is to make sure that the outcome is within our control. This means that we can initiate and maintain the outcome by ourselves, without depending on other people or external factors. For example, instead of saying I want my boss to appreciate me, we can say I want to perform well at work and communicate my value to my boss. The reason for this is that we cannot control other people’s thoughts, feelings, or actions. We can only control our own. By taking responsibility for our own outcome, we empower ourselves and increase our chances of success.

The third condition is to have a specific, sensory-based description of the outcome and the steps needed to get there. This means that we can see, hear, feel, taste, and smell what the outcome will be like, and how we will know when we have achieved it. For example, instead of saying I want to be happy, we can say I want to smile more, laugh more, and enjoy my hobbies. The reason for this is that vague and abstract outcomes are hard to measure and monitor. We need to have a clear picture of what we want, and a concrete plan of how to get there.

The fourth condition is to check for ecology. This means that we consider the impact of our outcome on ourselves and others, and make sure that it is aligned with our values and beliefs. For example, instead of saying I want to be rich, we can say I want to have enough money to live comfortably and support my family. The reason for this is that some outcomes may have negative consequences that outweigh the benefits. We need to make sure that our outcome is not only good for us, but also good for the people and the environment around us.

The fifth condition is to have more than one way to get the outcome. This means that we are flexible and adaptable, and ready to change our strategy if needed. For example, instead of saying I want to get a promotion by working hard, we can say I want to get a promotion by working hard, or by taking a course, or by networking with the right people. The reason for this is that life is unpredictable and full of surprises. We may encounter obstacles, challenges, or opportunities that require us to adjust our course of action. By having multiple options, we increase our chances of reaching our destination.

The sixth condition is to specify the first step and make sure that it is achievable. This means that we break down our outcome into smaller, manageable steps, and start with the easiest one. For example, instead of saying I want to write a book, we can say "I want to write a book,