Healing From Narcissistic Abuse: The Path To Recovery And Freedom

Chapter 1: Introduction to Narcissism

What is a Narcissist?

Narcissism seems to be a huge epidemic in today’s society, with many people developing this disorder and possessing the negative traits and performing the twisted actions these mentally inept individuals do. This isn’t a disorder that only characterizes the one percent out there. There are a large number of people who have come into contact with or who have had dealings with narcissists in many forms from lovers to bosses to family members. These frightening, malignant disordered people seem to be present everywhere in the population.

If you are reading this book, you will have most likely dealt with a narcissist or come across them in some format in your life or have been a tragic victim of these people. A narcissist is akin to a dangerous predator, and they are not just harmless individuals with a disordered personality or pattern of living thinking or ill treatment towards others. Narcissistic treatment towards others can be extremely dangerous toxic and usually wreaks havoc with someone's life.

If you've survived a dysfunctional relationship or scenario with narcissist, bravo to you- and good for you however many people find themselves still attempting to heal or cope with the aftermath of the abuse that has been done to them, are desperately trying to heal or come to grips with it all, or are still dealing with that person or other narcissists that may be present in their life.

If you’re confused about whether the seemingly negative person or abuser present in your life is a narcissist, hopefully you’ll gain some insight into what it’s like to encounter a narcissist, or the traits they have that make them this specific kind of disordered person. Hopefully you will get the answers you’re wanting with regards to whether that individual is a narcissist or not and how to recognize this disorder in other abusers.

What is this person that is considered to be a narcissist? Well, a narcissist is someone who possesses a personality disorder which is a scale of five, on the DSM scale. This person has specific traits which include a grandiose sense of self-importance who has a constant need for admiration and attention, although not every narcissist possesses this specific characteristic or trait and doesn’t always have a constant need for attention, but still has many of the qualities and characteristics that narcissists generally tend to possess.

Narcissists possess the disorder of narcissism, or narcissistic personality disorder which is typically characterized by a number of unfavorable traits that revolve around the person having a grandiose sense of self-importance, coupled with very low self-esteem. You typically don’t want to cross paths with a narcissist, especially if you’re a kind, caring individual or someone who possesses traits of being empathic or good in nature. There are varying kinds of narcissists out there which can be placed in several different categories, and all of them are toxic in nature and a kind of person and personality you don’t want anything to do with usually, if you are not a narcissist.

A narcissist is a person who has an inflated sense of self-importance, a deep need for admiration and attention, and a lack of empathy for others. They often have an excessive sense of entitlement, and believe they are superior to others. Narcissists may take advantage of others to achieve their own goals, and may become angry or defensive if they feel their sense of self-worth is threatened. Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental health condition characterized by this pattern of behavior.

Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental health condition in which a person has an inflated sense of self-importance, a constant need for admiration and attention, and a lack of empathy for others. People with NPD may have grandiose ideas about their own abilities and achievements, and may exaggerate their accomplishments or talents. They may also be preoccupied with fantasies of power, success, and attractiveness.

To be diagnosed with NPD, a person must exhibit a persistent pattern of these behaviors, and the behavior must cause significant distress or impairment in their life, such as difficulties with relationships or work. Treatment for NPD typically involves talk therapy, and medication may be prescribed to treat co-occurring conditions such as depression or anxiety.

Some traits that someone with narcissistic personality disorder possess are as follows:

Grandiose sense of self-importance.

Narcissists possess a unique and false sense of self importance and feel they are above others. This is the belief that your presence and work is essential to the happiness or success of other people and any enterprises or relationships. 

Exaggerated sense of self-importance.

Feeling superior to others and that one deserves special treatment. Feelings are often accompanied by fantasies of unlimited success, brilliance, power, beauty, or love

Preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty or ideal love.

This describes the idea or belief that you are capable of exceptionally high levels of achievement even when your skills or abilities show evidence that is contrary. Belief that he or she is special and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people or institutions. 

Need for excessive admiration.

They demand that others admire their appearance, accomplishments, skills, or existence. The admiration of others is what feeds the narcissist. Boasting is second nature to narcissists, and compliments are believed to be proof of their superiority. Must be the center of attention. Often monopolizes conversations, Often feels slighted, mistreated, depleted, and enraged when ignored.

Interpersonally exploitive behavior. 

Narcissists see other people as tools. Others exist solely as objects for the narcissist to use and abuse at their own whim or pleasure. They lack self-awareness and the idea that others have their own feelings or beliefs. Whatever they ask for, it’s in their own interest and they have no guilt for this.

Lack of empathy.

They lack empathy and do not care about how others feel or might think about something. They only tend to care about their own feelings or perceptions, and the outcome of scenarios and interactions with others. Severely limited or lacking the ability to care about the emotional needs or experiences of others, even loved ones

Envy of others or belief that others are envious of him or her. 

This describes the narcissist’s constant comparison of themselves to others, wishing for themselves the success others experience, and the false belief that everyone else is envious of them. That’s how they keep their egos intact. They cannot handle having a normal ego or perceiving themselves like everyone else. This behavior or thinking usually stems from delusional beliefs they may possess.

Arrogant behaviors or attitudes.

They often have traits of arrogance and conceit and tend to disrespect the rights of others and expect others to bend to their will or demands. They often possess exploitative behavior and use it as they please, and feel they have the right to do what they want to others without consequences or care.

Not every narcissist possesses every trait listed, however most do have traits of being habitual liars, take advantage of others, have a false sense of self, have an outer self and inner self which they tend to keep separate, and never take responsibility for any actions or mistakes they have committed.

The origins of Narcissism:

Narcissism has a long history, going back to ancient Greece but made famous by a Roman poet. The earliest reference to Narcissus in Western literature is a mention of the Narcissus flower. The Greek poet Homer tells us that it was the seductive charm of the narcissus flower which tempted the young girl Persephone and thrust her into hell.

In the first century, the Roman poet Ovid created a poem The Metamorphoses, in which Narcissus was involved in an ill-fated love story. In Ovid's tale, Narcissus is a much-pursued handsome adolescent boy who, because of his cold pride, does not return the love of anyone who wants to get close to him. Narcissus’s parents were the God of the River, Cephissus, and the nymph Liriope.

Narcissus was told by a therapist that he would live a long life if he did not come to know himself. Narcissus had rejected many lovers by this time, and one had prayed to the goddess nemesis for revenge. He asks Nemesis, that Narcissus fall in love but never possess the object of his love. Narcissus is then lead to the pool of water where he falls in love with his own godlike image.

He was unable to remove himself from looking at his own reflection but soon realized that his love could not be reciprocated when he attempted to kiss or hold the reflection. However, his confusion is amplified when the image in the pool reciprocated his winks and waves. Narcissus could not understand why he could not secure what he so desperately desired. Narcissus was tormented by this and by the time he realized it was his reflection it was too late, and he had already fallen in love with himself. Because he now knew he could never obtain what he truly wanted his body melted away from the passion he felt burning inside him.

When a nymph who Narcissus rejected, Echo, returns to the place where Narcissus had been staring into his own eyes to recover his body for the funeral, she found in his place a gold and white flower. This flower would become known as the Narcissus flower, or the daffodil. Looking at his image in water, Narcissus pines away from unrequited love, and had metamorphosized into a white flower.

What is a personality disorder

A personality disorder is a type of mental disorder in which you have a rigid and unhealthy pattern of thinking, functioning and behaving. A person with a personality disorder has trouble perceiving and relating to situations and people. This causes significant problems and limitations in relationships, social activities, work and school.

In some cases, you may not realize that you have a personality disorder because your way of thinking and behaving seems natural to you. And you may blame others for the challenges you face.

Personality disorders usually begin in the teenage years or early adulthood. There are many types of personality disorders. Some types may become less obvious throughout middle age.

A personality disorder is a long-standing pattern of behavior, thinking, and functioning that deviates significantly from cultural norms and expectations. This pattern of behavior usually manifests in adolescence or early adulthood, and often persists throughout the person's life. Personality disorders are typically characterized by a persistent and inflexible pattern of behavior that causes significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other areas of functioning.

There are several different types of personality disorders, each with its own set of specific symptoms and patterns of behavior. Some common features of personality disorders may include extreme rigidity in thought and behavior, difficulty in forming and maintaining close relationships, and a tendency towards emotional instability or impulsivity.

It's important to note that having a personality disorder doesn't necessarily mean that a person is flawed or morally deficient. Many people with personality disorders can lead successful and fulfilling lives with the right treatment and support. Effective treatment for personality disorders may include therapy, medications, and self-help strategies to help people manage their symptoms and improve their overall quality of life.

How to diagnose someone with narcissistic personality disorder

There are various kinds of narcissism out there that can be defined within this spectrum, however those who have these traits of narcissism which include a lack of empathy for others, a desire for attention and praise, and a sense of entitlement, may not be diagnosed with NPD. In order to be diagnosed with Narcissistic personality disorder, Mental health providers will use the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, to clinically diagnose someone with NPD. A diagnosis requires a qualified mental health professional to assess the person for personality dysfunction among multiple domains and the expression of specific personality traits.

NPD is a mental health disorder that leads to significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning in a person’s life. A person has to fit criteria for this disorder in order to receive a diagnosis. Some experts believe there are five types of narcissism, while others feel there are nine or 10.

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) is the handbook widely used by clinicians and psychiatrists in the United States to diagnose psychiatric illnesses. The DSM covers all categories of mental health disorders for both adults and children.

It contains descriptions, symptoms, and other criteria necessary for diagnosing mental health disorders. It also contains statistics concerning who is most affected by different types of illnesses, the typical age of onset, the development and course of the disorders, risks and prognostic factors, and other related diagnostic issues.

In addition to other specified criteria, the DSM-5 narcissism guidelines also point out nine different features of narcissistic personality disorder that professionals recognize

Inflated self-esteem or a grandiose sense of self-importance or superiority

Craving admiration

Exploitative relationships (i.e., manipulation)

Little to no empathy

Identity is easily disturbed (i.e., can’t handle criticism)

Lack of attachment and intimacy

Feelings of depression or emptiness when not validated

A sense of entitlement

Can feel like others are envious of them, or may envy others

An individual must have at least five out of nine of these traits, many of which can start appearing at a young age.

Some clinicians believe that there are 10 different kinds of narcissists that exist

Classic narcissists, who have a grandiose sense of self and entitlement.

Vulnerable narcissists, who have low self-esteem and seek validation from others.

Communal narcissists, who exploit their involvement in altruistic causes for their own benefit.

Malignant narcissists, who have antisocial, sadistic, and paranoid traits.

Somatic narcissists, who are obsessed with their physical appearance and attractiveness.

Cerebral narcissists, who flaunt their intelligence and achievements.

Inverted narcissists, who are codependent on other narcissists.

Overt narcissists, who are openly arrogant and manipulative.

Covert narcissists, who are secretly resentful and envious of others.

Hypervigilant narcissists, who are constantly on guard for threats and criticism.

Grandiose narcissists, who have an inflated sense of superiority and dominance.

Exhibitionist narcissists, who crave attention and admiration from others.

Sexual narcissists, who use sex as a way to exploit and control others.

Vindictive narcissists, who seek revenge and harm on those who oppose or reject them.

The narcissist has a multi-faceted disorder

Most narcissists who are also categorized as abusers towards the victims they choose,