Men and Racism: The Healing Path: A Courageous and Compassionate Journey Through The Fear Of Being Vulnerable

Copyright © 2024 Roberto Schiraldi.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

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ISBN: 979-8-7652-5412-7 (sc)

ISBN: 979-8-7652-5411-0 (hc)

ISBN: 979-8-7652-5410-3 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2024915441

Balboa Press rev. date:  08/28/2024

CONTENTS

Cover Picture

Preludes

Dedication

Gratitude

Part I    The Heart Of Our Roots

Rumi Poem

Letter 1

Mitakuye Oyasin

Letter 2

Macho Man..... from boyhood to man

Men and Racism, The Compassionate Path to Healing

white supremacy culture

On Being Vulnerable

Vulnerability

A Synthesis and Re-Imagining

Values

Overview: Racism/Men/Vulnerable, Initial Guide

Native

Stories of Fear, Sacred, Love, Vulnerability

We Men

Boys To Men: Beyond Diversity

My Sacred Feminine

Mental health and wealthy white hetero male supremacy, the Dilemma

Monkey Suit...Defined

Part II    Living Change

Men for Racial Healing and Justice (proposal)

Maximum Security

Double Jeopardy (Veterans of Color)

Dog Soldier

Men Stepping Up (Veterans For Peace proposal)

Climate Crisis and Militarism

Responsible

The Web Of Life

Coming Together

Poem of Gratitude and Hope

Revitalizing the Land

The Earth Is Our Mother

Recommendations for Police Reform (proposal)

Truth and Conciliation

Truth and Conciliation, Princeton (proposal)

Trust

The Sacred, Back to the Beginning

All Life Is Sacred (proposal)

Letter to the President

Outline for Core Curriculum Course (proposal)

I Have A Dream

Two-Spirit

The bully Balance

Lessons From Dad

Assimilation Nation

USA...USA

white supremacy as Addiction / 12 Step Recovery

What If Washington Was Gay?

One Brave Man

Gay/Straight Continuum

Initial Strategies For Engaging In Racial Justice Work

Rosa Parks

A Final Racial Healing Story

The Children

Racial Justice Blessing

Healing Meditation

Two Final Eileen Stories

Epilogues

Dear Kindred

Gratitude To The Max

Gratitude Prayer

Additional Recommendations

Author Info

The Racial Justice Series

By

Roberto Schiraldi

Healing Love Poems

for white supremacy culture:

Living Our Values

Unexpurgated*Racial Justice Poetry

with Healing Meditations

Men and Racism:

The Healing Path

Cover Picture

I was hesitant to use this picture …...

because of the railings...

...less free...

And then I re-membered.......

…..this is a beautiful....

…..yet difficult journey......

…... and we can all use all the support we can get...

..thus the railings.

Hope you can feel the loving intent.

You can’t hold a man down, without staying down with him.

Booker T. Washington

Until the killing of black men, black mothers’ sons, becomes as important to the rest of the country, as the killing of a white mother’s son, we who believe in freedom cannot rest.

Ella Baker

Nothing is so strong as gentleness.

Nothing so gentle as real strength.

Lakota Saying.

Fear is the root of hatred.

Love is the antidote to both.

Traditional Wisdom

Dedication

        To All Good Men of Good Hearts

                      And Good Will.

        To All Good People of Good Hearts

                      And Good Will

        To You For Choosing to Open

                      This Book

        To Everyone...as We Are All Related

                      All Relatives, All One

Gratitude

To The Love Of My Life Eileen who passed five months ago.

You chose, supported, encouraged, and held me in your loving heart and arms as we traveled on this beautiful road through Fear, Sacred, Love, Vulnerability.

I Breathe...and I Feel You Inside me. I see you high in the sky....floating gracefully with the wind.

Part I

The Heart Of Our Roots....

With Gentleness and Strength

This poem by Rumi, is one of my favorites, and a great help for us with our feelings:

THE GUEST HOUSE

This being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,

some momentary awareness comes

as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,

who violently sweep your house

empty of its furniture,

still, treat each guest honorably.

She may be clearing you out

for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice.

meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.

Be grateful for whatever comes.

because each has been sent

as a guide from beyond.

-Jelaluddin Rumi

Letter 1.

A Love Letter to All My Brothers:

My Dear Brothers...... I believe we are all connected...all related.....All brothers,

Please know that what follows here is my humble effort to bring us all together.....to address and heal this disease of racism which so hurts and plagues …..us ALL.

I’m writing to all you men of good hearts and good will.....because I have faith that if we all choose to come together ….and lead with our hearts.....with a little....make that.. a lot....of support and leadership from Indigenous, Black, Latinx, Asian Pacific Islanders, Women, Gay folks, Trans folks, Immigrants/Refugees....all of us........we can co-create a world that truly serves us ALL.

Why do I title this book ‘Men and Racism’? Certainly not to attack, belittle, disrespect, or guilt trip us men......as I am part of us men and racism...and I don’t have any desire to put myself or anyone else down........And.....I know that we men....and when I say we...it’s because I feel deep in my soul....that to heal racism and all the other woes of this world.....we each have to own and acknowledge our part of it.....lest we continue to struggle, seeing each other as threats to our tenuous hold on our pseudo security / material belongings. Thus Our Fear Of Being Vulnerable, in a world that often doesn’t feel safe for us and our loved ones.

And why ‘The Courageous and Compassionate Path to Healing’? Because this can be really difficult, painful work, which will take all we have to give.....together. We need each other. Facing fear takes so much courage and compassion....to finally get to the place of loving healing.

Pointing fingers.....attacking others....doesn’t work....and only creates defensiveness. Looking at ourselves in the mirror, with impeccable integrity, courage, humility, compassion can lead us all to freedom. We all are acting in ways that reflect our backgrounds...our core training about the values to live by....of what it means to be male...whether they be healthy, caring, compassionate values....or more selfish, fear based, defensive posturing to protect what we have. There have been various men’s movement efforts. However they have not been sustainable, due to lack of solidarity about needs being met among all races, classes etc. (A special dream I have is that there will be many yearly Million Man Marches across the planet fueled by commitments to sustainable loving, healing action).

We all want to feel loved and secure, appreciated, and that we are making a significant contribution.

With individual and collaborative acknowledgment and ownership of the problems (Part I of this book), and commitment to coming together for healing, Loving action (Part II of this book),....we can, for sure.....mend our rifts, so that everyone feels worthy and valued. There is certainly enough wealth to go around...so that no child, woman, or man need go without food, clothing, shelter, healthcare, education....and that the animals and earth can be protected.

Continually looking deep inside myself to unravel and heal the layers of racism, sexism, classism, homophobia, xenophobia and other divisiveness that separate us, is one of the great gifts of my life.

I hope that you decide to join together in this incredible moment in time...the wealthy men at the top, hearts and hands with all the rest of us.....we can all have a life filled with the beauty and sweetness we each so deserve. The time for courageous choice …..is NOW.

With Love and Respect,

Roberto

Mitakuye Oyasin / Lakota for All My Relatives, All My Relations We Are All One

A poem to all my relatives

From A white man on the REZ

I feel like

I’ve never fit in

And that’s my only sin.

And to live my truth

need to Speak my truth

That we’re each unique..

and each KIN.

My wounds teach me

where I came from,

Scars remind me

to never forget-

So many lessons to learn,

from folks I still haven’t met

A song of surviving?

NO...I choose thriving

truth, not lying,

nor continual denying.

They say we’re post racial

and let’s move past-

I can’t, and won’t

it’s in my bones, my cells, my molecules, my DNA

So healing don’t come fast.

How many lifetimes

does it take to heal?

From being the only ones

forced to come here....

and being treated as subhuman, savages, slaves, animals, property.....

How many lifetimes to heal?

I don’t want to forget that truth,

the values, that founded our country are still alive and well

elitism, power, wealth, control,

entitlement, competition to be #1 at all costs,

white heterosexual male privilege

all values that can create living hell.

I have a mental dis-order,

that needs to be controlled?

Or is the system what’s disordered

and I just don’t fit the mold...

of the values that are cold.

If I say I don’t see Color,

I’m really saying I’m blind,

to the truth of having a dark skin

and how folks can be so unkind.

If I cut my hair

speak, dress, walk and talk, WHITE,

then, maybe the American Dream will include me,

am I dreaming? Wake UP!!,

they really want me disappearing from sight.

For we can’t sing and dance together,

and we can’t be truly free,

until we acknowledge the truth,

of what I can’t always see,

That we are different,

and we are the same,

and the tragedies

are not about blame.

And the Tyler Clementes, Travon Martins, and Michael Browns of our country,

will continue to be murdered like dogs,

Until we stop pretending their human,

and admit they’re still seen as hogs.

(from A Lesson before Dying by Ernest Gaines, a young Black man in the 40’s South, wrongly convicted of killing a white woman, after being called a hog by a prosecuting attorney, said before he was executed, he just wanted them to know, he wasn’t an animal, he’s a man.)

Unless we’re willing to remember,

what was done to the Indians and slaves,

then we might as well dig us a Hole,

and go back to living in caves.

It’s too uncomfortable, you say,

let move on to a brand new day,

not nearly so uncomfortable, I say

as spending a life playing straight,

when I’m gay.

So simply being alive,

Do I deserve a