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A Loving Life: In a World of Broken Relationships
How do you love with no love in return?
How do you love when no one notices or cares? Best-selling author Paul Miller tackles these tough questions at the heart of our struggle to love head-on. Drawing from the book of Ruth, A Loving Life offers the help we need to embrace relationship, endure rejection, cultivate community, and reach out to even the most unlovable around us as we discover the power to live a loving life.
How do you love when no one notices or cares? Best-selling author Paul Miller tackles these tough questions at the heart of our struggle to love head-on. Drawing from the book of Ruth, A Loving Life offers the help we need to embrace relationship, endure rejection, cultivate community, and reach out to even the most unlovable around us as we discover the power to live a loving life.
176 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2014
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 193 reviews
March 4, 2014
Short Review: I really would like to recommend this book. I have read Miller's previous book A Praying Life twice and strongly recommend it as a practical guide to prayer. But this book seems to hit all of my problems with Christian Living books. It tries to use linguistics and ancient cultural understanding to bring insight to the modern reader about the book of Ruth. But more often it shows weak scholarship and reads modern sensibilities onto ancient culture. Miller over simplifies problems, which leads to inadequate answers. It is also full of hyperbole which leads me as a reader to question the hyperbole instead of listening to the actual statement.
The biggest problem however, is that the focus of the book is suffering in grace in order to bring people to repentance. Essentially this is taking the idea of Gary Thomas' Sacred Marriage and applying it to all relationships. But Miller does so in a way that elevates suffering and minimizes appropriate grace filled confrontation of sin. I certainly agree there are times when it is appropriate to suffer in silence, but suffering is not a grace in and of itself. Suffering may be good in one situation, but the exact wrong thing in another. In the case of sinful abusive church leadership, it is the wrong thing to suffer in silence. But there is no discussion of this, in fact there are examples of suffering in silence under abusive church leadership. We have far too many examples of where abusive systems were allowed (and encouraged) to continue to abuse 'for the greater good'. This is not a Christian understanding of either grace or suffering.
There really are good parts of the book, but I cannot in good conscious recommend it because of the parts that are sort of on the right track, but can so easily be misconstrued.
My full review is on my blog at http://bookwi.se/loving-life/
The biggest problem however, is that the focus of the book is suffering in grace in order to bring people to repentance. Essentially this is taking the idea of Gary Thomas' Sacred Marriage and applying it to all relationships. But Miller does so in a way that elevates suffering and minimizes appropriate grace filled confrontation of sin. I certainly agree there are times when it is appropriate to suffer in silence, but suffering is not a grace in and of itself. Suffering may be good in one situation, but the exact wrong thing in another. In the case of sinful abusive church leadership, it is the wrong thing to suffer in silence. But there is no discussion of this, in fact there are examples of suffering in silence under abusive church leadership. We have far too many examples of where abusive systems were allowed (and encouraged) to continue to abuse 'for the greater good'. This is not a Christian understanding of either grace or suffering.
There really are good parts of the book, but I cannot in good conscious recommend it because of the parts that are sort of on the right track, but can so easily be misconstrued.
My full review is on my blog at http://bookwi.se/loving-life/
January 10, 2022
I agree with a few negative reviews but I think the good things in the book outweigh the bad. Hesed love is impossible without the spirit of God filling us. This book reminds us what that looks like. It encourages us in tough situations. But without the spirit of God we would not have the wisdom to wield hesed.
March 24, 2018
I have so many sentences and passages yellow-highlighted in this book, it practically glows. Using the story of Naomi, Ruth, and Boaz, Paul Miller shows us the beauty of a life that knows love is costly, yet loves anyway. This is a "hesed" love; hesed is translated "steadfast love" - love without an exit strategy. This type of love begins to emerge just about at the point where feelings die; but only if we trust God, who is love. It requires faith and obedience. As we live our lives showing God's faithful love to others, we show a cynical world how to live in loving relationship with him.
February 21, 2023
Part exhortation, part exposition of the book of Ruth, and part personal stories, this book portrays a compelling portrait of love. For me, it was a needed rebuke and provided helpful images of what it means to live a loving life. The sections of the book are less of a sustained argument (despite the sequential journey through Ruth) and more of a mosaic.
January 18, 2021
I love Paul Miller, and this book is no exception. Using the book of Ruth, he beautifully defines and illustrates hesed love. Will go back to this again.
December 7, 2023
Even before I finished it, this book was changing my relationships for the better.
The book is about "hesed" love, God's covenant love, the kind called "lovingkindness" in the King James Version. It's a love that dies for the beloved.
The book is based on the Book of Ruth. Ruth is a wonderful example of hesed love. I thought I knew the Book of Ruth well, but this book has increased and deepened my knowledge and understanding of it. Boaz is the literal "redeemer" in the narrative, but Ruth's self-sacrificing love is even more redemptive.
Toward the end, Miller writes, "You simply can't beat love. You can't out-humble it. You can't suppress it, because you are always free to love no matter how someone treats you. If others are putting nails through your hands, you can forgive them. If someone is shouting curses at you, you can silently receive them. Love is irrepressible."
I want to read A Loving Life again and again.
The book is about "hesed" love, God's covenant love, the kind called "lovingkindness" in the King James Version. It's a love that dies for the beloved.
The book is based on the Book of Ruth. Ruth is a wonderful example of hesed love. I thought I knew the Book of Ruth well, but this book has increased and deepened my knowledge and understanding of it. Boaz is the literal "redeemer" in the narrative, but Ruth's self-sacrificing love is even more redemptive.
Toward the end, Miller writes, "You simply can't beat love. You can't out-humble it. You can't suppress it, because you are always free to love no matter how someone treats you. If others are putting nails through your hands, you can forgive them. If someone is shouting curses at you, you can silently receive them. Love is irrepressible."
I want to read A Loving Life again and again.
June 17, 2024
Excellent stuffs. Should probably re-read this every year. Too many good things to quote but you know its good when you say "Yeah" out loud while reading
October 28, 2023
Wow. I had high hopes for this book after enjoying other writing from the author. It was exceptional. Paul draws lessons from the book of Ruth and gives practical ways to apply it. He invites us into a love that seeks not to be displayed, but to be real and genuine. Would give it six stars if I could 🙂.
January 7, 2015
Overview:
Like he did with "A Praying Life," Paul Miller once again has given us a book that doesn’t fit the mold. This is not just any old book on Christian love. This book turns love inside out and gives hope and help to readers at all stages of their Christian life. "A Loving Life: In a World of Broken Relationships" describes the perils and pitfalls, as well as the promise and pleasure of love.
Miller begins with a personal story from a man he has counseled. The man was a former elder at a conservative evangelical church who walked away from his wife and dove headlong into immorality. Stories like this, and the counseling insights Miller shares illuminate this book. Miller’s insights into love and the human heart, stem from Scripture and ring true. His application is always poignant and helpful. ANd the stories of real one-on-one ministry flesh out the theory of his approach with real tangible spiritual fruit in the here and now.
But Miller’s book is not about his own experiences. He anchors it all on a careful exegetical look at the book of Ruth. Ruth’s story, of course, may very well be the greatest love story ever told. And it has much to teach us about what it means to love unconditionally, and to live in Christian hope. Miller’s account is shaped and ruled by the gospel, and he brings us back over and over again to the importance of gospel-centered living.
Evaluation:
Having been incredibly blessed by Miller’s previous book, "A Praying Life," the format of "A Loving Life" took me by some surprise. But as the book developed, I found myself enjoying the account of Ruth more and more, and seeing how it truly dovetailed with Miller’s thoughts on love and his counsel for dealing with broken relationships and living out our faith in this broken world. This book may be a slower and harder read than the earlier volume, but it repays any effort spent to mine its riches. Miller’s wisdom and insight into the struggles of human suffering shine through its pages. His personal experience of ministry (including to his own autistic daughter) give a depth to his thoughts. You feel like you are sitting down over a cup of coffee with an incredibly open and helpful friend as you read this book. And this friend repeatedly points you to a greater walk with Christ and a deeper understanding of yourself and the glory of the gospel.
I listened to the Christianaudio.com version of this title, and found it a blessing to tune into Ruth’s exciting story on my drive each day to work and back. The reader of the audiobook was easy to understand and hear, and his voice was warm and encouraging. I didn’t miss endnotes (if there were any) and it was easy to follow along even though the book was broken up into smaller pieces than it may have been if reading the book in another format.
Recommendation:
If you haven’t read anything by Paul Miller before, I encourage you to give this title a try. His approach is similar in spirit to what you may get from Timothy Keller or some of the authors connected with the Christian Counseling and Education Foundation (CCEF). This is biblical counseling at its gospel-centered best. I highly recommend it.
Disclaimer:
This book was provided by christianaudio.com. The reviewer was under no obligation to offer a positive review.
Like he did with "A Praying Life," Paul Miller once again has given us a book that doesn’t fit the mold. This is not just any old book on Christian love. This book turns love inside out and gives hope and help to readers at all stages of their Christian life. "A Loving Life: In a World of Broken Relationships" describes the perils and pitfalls, as well as the promise and pleasure of love.
Miller begins with a personal story from a man he has counseled. The man was a former elder at a conservative evangelical church who walked away from his wife and dove headlong into immorality. Stories like this, and the counseling insights Miller shares illuminate this book. Miller’s insights into love and the human heart, stem from Scripture and ring true. His application is always poignant and helpful. ANd the stories of real one-on-one ministry flesh out the theory of his approach with real tangible spiritual fruit in the here and now.
But Miller’s book is not about his own experiences. He anchors it all on a careful exegetical look at the book of Ruth. Ruth’s story, of course, may very well be the greatest love story ever told. And it has much to teach us about what it means to love unconditionally, and to live in Christian hope. Miller’s account is shaped and ruled by the gospel, and he brings us back over and over again to the importance of gospel-centered living.
Evaluation:
Having been incredibly blessed by Miller’s previous book, "A Praying Life," the format of "A Loving Life" took me by some surprise. But as the book developed, I found myself enjoying the account of Ruth more and more, and seeing how it truly dovetailed with Miller’s thoughts on love and his counsel for dealing with broken relationships and living out our faith in this broken world. This book may be a slower and harder read than the earlier volume, but it repays any effort spent to mine its riches. Miller’s wisdom and insight into the struggles of human suffering shine through its pages. His personal experience of ministry (including to his own autistic daughter) give a depth to his thoughts. You feel like you are sitting down over a cup of coffee with an incredibly open and helpful friend as you read this book. And this friend repeatedly points you to a greater walk with Christ and a deeper understanding of yourself and the glory of the gospel.
I listened to the Christianaudio.com version of this title, and found it a blessing to tune into Ruth’s exciting story on my drive each day to work and back. The reader of the audiobook was easy to understand and hear, and his voice was warm and encouraging. I didn’t miss endnotes (if there were any) and it was easy to follow along even though the book was broken up into smaller pieces than it may have been if reading the book in another format.
Recommendation:
If you haven’t read anything by Paul Miller before, I encourage you to give this title a try. His approach is similar in spirit to what you may get from Timothy Keller or some of the authors connected with the Christian Counseling and Education Foundation (CCEF). This is biblical counseling at its gospel-centered best. I highly recommend it.
Disclaimer:
This book was provided by christianaudio.com. The reviewer was under no obligation to offer a positive review.
April 16, 2024
Read this as a devotional companion. Transformative journey inside the context, background, and implications of the lives of Naomi, Ruth, and Boaz. Hard to select my favorite Paul Miller book but this one is a fantastic read. Can’t wait to read it again!
December 21, 2016
5 stars. An exposition of Ruth enriched by Paul Miller's life experience, knowledge of culture & philosophy and thoroughly gospel centred perspective.
December 27, 2014
Full of experience and insight. I really enjoy reading this author.
May 8, 2024
I read this as part of a women's Bible study and have mixed feelings about it. There are some things that are helpful and good that led to great discussions. Overall I enjoyed the parts that were the study of Ruth because I love that book of the Bible.
But there are also some frustrating and may I say even dangerous ideas peppered throughout. The whole theme of the book is hesed love, which is the type of love Jesus has for us (sacrificial, unending, without-an-escape-plan love). While some of it was helpful and even challenging to me personally, there is no discussion of the other types of love seen in the Bible. We are called to love everyone, but that doesn't mean we are called to hesed love for everyone - it is not possible. There's a lot of discussion of things Miller has done to show hesed love to students, parishioners, and friends. Many of them are grand, such as going overseas, putting a needy family through private school, etc. There's nothing wrong with big, inspiring examples, but I wish there had been some smaller examples too. Sometimes all a mom of littles can do is make sure the kids are clothed and fed before school or maybe take a neighbor kid along to church. That's enough, and it's hesed love. While Miller never says we all need to be doing "huge" things to show hesed love, he never says we don't either and that lack was felt among my group.
My bigger problem with the book is that Miller elevates sacrificial love and suffering as a way to show hesed love in marriage. While I agree that Christians are definitely called to sacrificial love and that every marriage is going to have difficult seasons, some of the examples used felt abusive. There is no caveat for what is and is not OK. He paints marriage as always difficult when that should not be the case. Marriage takes work, but it shouldn't always feel like work. There is also an example of a marriage that ended in divorce because of infidelity. Over time the betrayed spouse felt led to pray for her ex, he changed, and they got remarried. Our God is miraculous - I have no doubt this story is true and that God could do this for other couples if He chose. But the reason miracles are miracles is because they are extremely rare. They should not be exalted as the norm. There is also an example where he refers to Bipolar Disorder as "pop psychology." That is NOT OK, ever!
I wanted to like this book more than I did. It had a lot of potential but fell a little flat for me. There is some good stuff about the meaning of love, not underestimating others, not letting feelings take the lead, etc. Unfortunately, because of the lack of understanding of or caution against abuse, I would hesitate to recommend this to others unless I have a thorough knowledge of their marriage.
But there are also some frustrating and may I say even dangerous ideas peppered throughout. The whole theme of the book is hesed love, which is the type of love Jesus has for us (sacrificial, unending, without-an-escape-plan love). While some of it was helpful and even challenging to me personally, there is no discussion of the other types of love seen in the Bible. We are called to love everyone, but that doesn't mean we are called to hesed love for everyone - it is not possible. There's a lot of discussion of things Miller has done to show hesed love to students, parishioners, and friends. Many of them are grand, such as going overseas, putting a needy family through private school, etc. There's nothing wrong with big, inspiring examples, but I wish there had been some smaller examples too. Sometimes all a mom of littles can do is make sure the kids are clothed and fed before school or maybe take a neighbor kid along to church. That's enough, and it's hesed love. While Miller never says we all need to be doing "huge" things to show hesed love, he never says we don't either and that lack was felt among my group.
My bigger problem with the book is that Miller elevates sacrificial love and suffering as a way to show hesed love in marriage. While I agree that Christians are definitely called to sacrificial love and that every marriage is going to have difficult seasons, some of the examples used felt abusive. There is no caveat for what is and is not OK. He paints marriage as always difficult when that should not be the case. Marriage takes work, but it shouldn't always feel like work. There is also an example of a marriage that ended in divorce because of infidelity. Over time the betrayed spouse felt led to pray for her ex, he changed, and they got remarried. Our God is miraculous - I have no doubt this story is true and that God could do this for other couples if He chose. But the reason miracles are miracles is because they are extremely rare. They should not be exalted as the norm. There is also an example where he refers to Bipolar Disorder as "pop psychology." That is NOT OK, ever!
I wanted to like this book more than I did. It had a lot of potential but fell a little flat for me. There is some good stuff about the meaning of love, not underestimating others, not letting feelings take the lead, etc. Unfortunately, because of the lack of understanding of or caution against abuse, I would hesitate to recommend this to others unless I have a thorough knowledge of their marriage.
April 25, 2023
This book is excellent! “A Loving Life” walks through the story of Ruth and unpacks the richness of “hesed” love . Loyal and sacrificial love embraces death for the good of others and anticipates resurrection. It has inspired me to give myself up for my people and my place, just like Ruth and Christ.
Some Gems from the Book:
“When you realize that death is at the center of love, it is quietly liberating. Instead of fighting the death that comes with love, you embrace what your Father has given you. A tiny resurrection begins in your heart.” 27
“No matter how fuzzy our circumstances, we can always love. We can do hesed. Our world may be ambiguous. But our calling isn’t.” 73
“You have to commit to make love work. We don’t love in general. We love someone, somewhere. Setting our affections on someone always means narrowing down. Election and love are inseparable”. 73
“You don’t find community; You create it through love.” 100
Some Gems from the Book:
“When you realize that death is at the center of love, it is quietly liberating. Instead of fighting the death that comes with love, you embrace what your Father has given you. A tiny resurrection begins in your heart.” 27
“No matter how fuzzy our circumstances, we can always love. We can do hesed. Our world may be ambiguous. But our calling isn’t.” 73
“You have to commit to make love work. We don’t love in general. We love someone, somewhere. Setting our affections on someone always means narrowing down. Election and love are inseparable”. 73
“You don’t find community; You create it through love.” 100
August 12, 2018
I have read a handful of comprehensive commentaries on Ruth, done studies on Ruth, and read historical fiction about the book of Ruth. The last thing I felt I needed was more information on Ruth.
"A Loving Life" is more about our own hearts than comments on this famous book in the Bible. I read it in a matter of days because it was convicting, eye-opening, and beautifully written. Miller's chapters are short, precise, and yet full of depth and insights into Naomi and Ruth that take on a perception new to me.
In the end, I was sad to finish the book and I would highly recommend it!
"A Loving Life" is more about our own hearts than comments on this famous book in the Bible. I read it in a matter of days because it was convicting, eye-opening, and beautifully written. Miller's chapters are short, precise, and yet full of depth and insights into Naomi and Ruth that take on a perception new to me.
In the end, I was sad to finish the book and I would highly recommend it!
July 19, 2021
This is a book you can’t put down. Paul Miller writes in a way that draws your attention to the character of God. I see the humility of love in ways I haven’t seen. This book through expository teaching highlights the faithfulness of God, love for God’s mission, redemption, and joy in suffering to name a few from top of my head.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
September 12, 2017
An in depth look into the book of Ruth. Good content and a Biblical view on love.
February 2, 2019
An exquisite study of the Book of Ruth.
May 8, 2019
Beautiful commentary on Ruth. I love that every death in the Christian life is also a resurrection, and that loving like Christ starts by dying to self. Highly recommend.
April 9, 2020
This book really challenged me in what it looks like to love! Great read!
November 21, 2023
Really enjoyed this book!
May 19, 2024
This was my Bible study book this semester on the book of Ruth! It was a very good book digging deep into the book of Ruth and having an Hesed love! That is something I will strive to do more of after reading this book and doing this study
March 11, 2014
This review first appeared on my blog, Jacob's Café (jacobscafe.blogspot.com).
My faith has increasingly focused on the centrality of love in the Gospel. My professional perspective is oriented toward love in relationships (not always framed in those terms, but with that concept). So Paul Miller's book, A Loving Life In a World of Broken Relationships, sounded intriguing. It was better than a pop-theology/pop-psychology book in that Miller grounds most of his assertions in the Bible. But in reality, it was essentially a series of expositional preaching lessons on the Book of Ruth.
While the topic of expositional preaching can be controversial in itself (some say it's the only way to preach, others think it's horrid and unhelpful), I think it can be useful, but if done right. While I found it interesting doing a sort of in-depth study on Ruth, the re-connection Miller attempted to make to the contemporary world was not terribly smooth. Some of the major problems were with his misrepresentations of psychological processes and groups of people with whom he disagrees.
For instance, a central punching bag in the book is what Miller terms a "feeling culture." This refers to putting feelings as primary and paying attention to them as an element of authenticity. Miller claims some parts of prioritizing feelings that are just simply not true. He asserts that people from this perspective believe that in order to be authentic, you have to do what you feel. Not true. As a psychologist, I definitely put a priority on both feelings and authenticity, but feelings are only one part of who we are. Ignoring them is as inauthentic as letting them bulldoze over our rationality and other priorities. He also claims that the Christian value is to just not let our feelings affect us. This is a major myth in conservative Christianity, and it's just not possible. The reality is that emotions (what he really means by feelings) are always occurring within us and always affecting us. That's part of being human. But that does not necessarily mean that we choose to behave based on what our emotions are moving us toward.
He also makes big claims about other groups/movements/perspectives, like mysticism and meditation. Having studied both academically, I can say that Miller clearly does not understand these concepts, instead going for oversimplistic stereotypes created by people who have had little to no exposure to what these ideas are really about. Unfortunately, Miller uses these various constructs to differentiate his claim of what love is. If he truly understood these other cultures, he would know that they are not necessarily as different from his approach as he thinks they are. They're definitely not as threatening.
Arthur Morey narrated the audiobook, and I've listened to many of his books. He has a great voice, but this book just fell flat. It sounded almost monotone. I'm not sure it was Morey's fault, but perhaps the unengaging content that felt like a dry sermon. I had trouble listening to the whole book and regularly found myself having to rewind because I tuned out. It's really unfortunate because there was potential for a lot of good in Miller's text. It just needs a major revision for accuracy.
Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”
My faith has increasingly focused on the centrality of love in the Gospel. My professional perspective is oriented toward love in relationships (not always framed in those terms, but with that concept). So Paul Miller's book, A Loving Life In a World of Broken Relationships, sounded intriguing. It was better than a pop-theology/pop-psychology book in that Miller grounds most of his assertions in the Bible. But in reality, it was essentially a series of expositional preaching lessons on the Book of Ruth.
While the topic of expositional preaching can be controversial in itself (some say it's the only way to preach, others think it's horrid and unhelpful), I think it can be useful, but if done right. While I found it interesting doing a sort of in-depth study on Ruth, the re-connection Miller attempted to make to the contemporary world was not terribly smooth. Some of the major problems were with his misrepresentations of psychological processes and groups of people with whom he disagrees.
For instance, a central punching bag in the book is what Miller terms a "feeling culture." This refers to putting feelings as primary and paying attention to them as an element of authenticity. Miller claims some parts of prioritizing feelings that are just simply not true. He asserts that people from this perspective believe that in order to be authentic, you have to do what you feel. Not true. As a psychologist, I definitely put a priority on both feelings and authenticity, but feelings are only one part of who we are. Ignoring them is as inauthentic as letting them bulldoze over our rationality and other priorities. He also claims that the Christian value is to just not let our feelings affect us. This is a major myth in conservative Christianity, and it's just not possible. The reality is that emotions (what he really means by feelings) are always occurring within us and always affecting us. That's part of being human. But that does not necessarily mean that we choose to behave based on what our emotions are moving us toward.
He also makes big claims about other groups/movements/perspectives, like mysticism and meditation. Having studied both academically, I can say that Miller clearly does not understand these concepts, instead going for oversimplistic stereotypes created by people who have had little to no exposure to what these ideas are really about. Unfortunately, Miller uses these various constructs to differentiate his claim of what love is. If he truly understood these other cultures, he would know that they are not necessarily as different from his approach as he thinks they are. They're definitely not as threatening.
Arthur Morey narrated the audiobook, and I've listened to many of his books. He has a great voice, but this book just fell flat. It sounded almost monotone. I'm not sure it was Morey's fault, but perhaps the unengaging content that felt like a dry sermon. I had trouble listening to the whole book and regularly found myself having to rewind because I tuned out. It's really unfortunate because there was potential for a lot of good in Miller's text. It just needs a major revision for accuracy.
Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”
February 4, 2014
This book is great; it is wonderful, convicting & filled with insightful, deep teaching from the text of scripture. This is a must read for all Christians. It will blow you away, you will be forced to grow in the grace of Christ or simply ignore Christ & His Word, there is no middle ground. We as believer’s are to emulate the love of Christ, this book shows & explains exactly what that looks like.
Now what is truly engaging about Paul Miller's book is the level of detail he is able to achieve, while simultaneously engaging the reader & incorporating an easy reading style. Unlike other popular Christian books self-help books today, which often seem to "insert-Bible-verse-here" & then go on to describe the author's opinions on becoming a better Christian, this book takes the Christian call to discipleship seriously & refuses to ignore the pain inherent in that calling.
The author slowly peels back the layers of a story written in an almost primordial age, & discovers that Ruth provides a crystal clear example of how to love like Jesus. Its "hessed" love. Love without expectations.
Applied to our own relationships, we realize that we do not grow in & out of love. We can simply love. We can live a loving life that is not dependent upon the other person, free to love without the cynical cycle of expectation & let down. Our "me" centered ugly side dissipates, & we begin loving others like they need to be loved, not like we want to love them.
If you are tired of insipid relationships, or in a broken marriage, this book will help. If you are struggling to be a loving parent, or taking care of your aging parents, this is the roadmap.
The final bonus is that this book will put you in touch with a Savior who loves you because he has made an unbreakable promise to love you-- you’ll better understand love, what it is, its cost & why the majority shy away from a life of commitment. It will show you how to live & love in a world of broken relationships.
Now what is truly engaging about Paul Miller's book is the level of detail he is able to achieve, while simultaneously engaging the reader & incorporating an easy reading style. Unlike other popular Christian books self-help books today, which often seem to "insert-Bible-verse-here" & then go on to describe the author's opinions on becoming a better Christian, this book takes the Christian call to discipleship seriously & refuses to ignore the pain inherent in that calling.
The author slowly peels back the layers of a story written in an almost primordial age, & discovers that Ruth provides a crystal clear example of how to love like Jesus. Its "hessed" love. Love without expectations.
Applied to our own relationships, we realize that we do not grow in & out of love. We can simply love. We can live a loving life that is not dependent upon the other person, free to love without the cynical cycle of expectation & let down. Our "me" centered ugly side dissipates, & we begin loving others like they need to be loved, not like we want to love them.
If you are tired of insipid relationships, or in a broken marriage, this book will help. If you are struggling to be a loving parent, or taking care of your aging parents, this is the roadmap.
The final bonus is that this book will put you in touch with a Savior who loves you because he has made an unbreakable promise to love you-- you’ll better understand love, what it is, its cost & why the majority shy away from a life of commitment. It will show you how to live & love in a world of broken relationships.
March 5, 2014
A few years ago, Paul Miller’s book, A Praying Life, earned nearly universal praise for his theologically rich and immensely practical prose of the subject of prayer. Now, Miller has brought those same qualities to bear in his new book, A Loving Life. I expect the praise will be wide-ranging for this book as well.
Focusing on the book of Ruth, Miller uses this woman’s story to unpack much of the Biblical meaning of hesed, the Hebrew term typically translated steadfast love or something similar. It combines the ideas of love and loyalty, and Miller spends page after page showing the superiority of hesed love over and against what our culture typically thinks of when it thinks of love. The beautiful story of Naomi, Ruth, and Boaz shows us how God loves and how we are to love.
Miller writes:
"Hesed is opposite of the spirit of our age, which says we have to act on our feelings. Hesed says, “No, you act on your commitments. The feelings will follow.” Love like this is unbalanced, uneven. There is nothing fair about this kind of love. But commitment-love lies at the heart of Christianity. It is Jesus’s love for us at the cross, and it is to be our love for one another."
The book is saturated with this kind of wisdom, along with real-life, practical examples of people both failing and succeeding in living out hesed. For marriages, friendships, family relationships, business relationships, etc., the Christian is to love with this kind of outward-looking, self-forgetting, loyal love. The vision painted in this book is absolutely beautiful, and it will inspire many to change how they view the people God has placed around them and seek to love God and others more in line with the Biblical view of love…hesed.
Focusing on the book of Ruth, Miller uses this woman’s story to unpack much of the Biblical meaning of hesed, the Hebrew term typically translated steadfast love or something similar. It combines the ideas of love and loyalty, and Miller spends page after page showing the superiority of hesed love over and against what our culture typically thinks of when it thinks of love. The beautiful story of Naomi, Ruth, and Boaz shows us how God loves and how we are to love.
Miller writes:
"Hesed is opposite of the spirit of our age, which says we have to act on our feelings. Hesed says, “No, you act on your commitments. The feelings will follow.” Love like this is unbalanced, uneven. There is nothing fair about this kind of love. But commitment-love lies at the heart of Christianity. It is Jesus’s love for us at the cross, and it is to be our love for one another."
The book is saturated with this kind of wisdom, along with real-life, practical examples of people both failing and succeeding in living out hesed. For marriages, friendships, family relationships, business relationships, etc., the Christian is to love with this kind of outward-looking, self-forgetting, loyal love. The vision painted in this book is absolutely beautiful, and it will inspire many to change how they view the people God has placed around them and seek to love God and others more in line with the Biblical view of love…hesed.
December 15, 2013
In a post-Christian world where breaking vows, and not enduring in love, seems to be the norm, how often have you heard people complaining, “I’m not happy and marriage is not for me. I grew up, and I got tired of it all?” Many people start well but end badly. Committed relationships are few. There’s a tendency to dream big about love. No place dreams better than a marriage happily-ever-after. It is such a good dream but unrealistic. Ultimately, many have to pay a big price.
Whatever the source of broken relationship, the result remains the same – the loneliness of a fairytale gone bad. How do you endure? How will you survive? How will you build better relationship? A Loving Life: In a World of Broken Relationships by Paul E. Miller is to encourage you, to give you a hope and a future if you are broken, lost, discarded, and hurt.
What is remarkable about the book is its division into four insightful parts. Part One is entitled Committed Love, and consists of eight amazing chapters. Part Two is The Shape of the Journey with eight chapters, and Part Three is Learning to Think in Love which contains three chapters. And the last is Part Four – Love Wins the Day which has four chapters with Love is Forever closing out the book.
Published by Crossway, A Loving Life: In a World of Broken Relationships will help you to see relationship with a new eye, you’ll better understand love, what it is, its cost and why the majority shy away from a life of commitment. It will show you how to live and love in a world of broken relationships.
Whatever the source of broken relationship, the result remains the same – the loneliness of a fairytale gone bad. How do you endure? How will you survive? How will you build better relationship? A Loving Life: In a World of Broken Relationships by Paul E. Miller is to encourage you, to give you a hope and a future if you are broken, lost, discarded, and hurt.
What is remarkable about the book is its division into four insightful parts. Part One is entitled Committed Love, and consists of eight amazing chapters. Part Two is The Shape of the Journey with eight chapters, and Part Three is Learning to Think in Love which contains three chapters. And the last is Part Four – Love Wins the Day which has four chapters with Love is Forever closing out the book.
Published by Crossway, A Loving Life: In a World of Broken Relationships will help you to see relationship with a new eye, you’ll better understand love, what it is, its cost and why the majority shy away from a life of commitment. It will show you how to live and love in a world of broken relationships.
December 9, 2022
This was not what I expected. In this book, Paul Miller walks through the book of Ruth, guiding his readers to look at it through the lens of hesed love — a humble, sacrificial love that gladly dies to self and anticipates God’s redemptive work. Miller enthusiastically helps us understand the incredible loyalty and obedience of Ruth, a Moabite woman who tethered her life to her bitter Israelite mother-in-law in a stunningly covenantal manner — not because Naomi was worthy, but because Ruth knew the God of Israel was worthy. The structure moves through the book of Ruth verse by verse in a meandering sort of way, which at times I appreciated, but at other times I thought it strayed too far from the main point. Miller draws some conclusions I’m not certain about, but I’m not familiar enough with ancient Hebrew culture or literature to know whether all his commentary was accurate or not. But overall, I was challenged and encouraged by his main point: that true love dies to self. It is content being in the shadows, overlooked and under-appreciated. It puts the interests of others ahead of its own interests. It embraces its circumstances and position, even if they are difficult and lowly. True love can do this because it has faith that God brings new life where there is death, because it is resting in the shadow of His wings, because it trusts Him to care for its needs, and because it knows that He uses the lowly in powerful ways.
March 14, 2014
I am thankful for the words in scripture that tell us what love is...This is love that God loved you first by sending his son...that is so freeing because it always brings it back to Him and not about what I can do and love is something that we all struggle with. With sin, our love is very selfish and more about us than anything else. I loved this book. With the study of Ruth, we walk with Ruth as she loves Naomi, God, and Boaz. The study was more on a emphasis on the love and commitment that Ruth had with Naomi, her mother-in-law. I have done studies before, and this just brought up to a new level. We have heard before how Boaz represents a "Christ" as being a redeemer to Ruth and Naomi, however, Ruth was one as well. She died to her self. As Paul Miller writes, death is the center of love. It happended to Jesus and if we follow Christ, it will happen to us. With a death to self, is suffering. Is our love long suffering or about feeling good.
I appreciated all that Paul Miller brought out in the character of Ruth. Her love was a quiet love that was not loud that is wanting to be noticed and adored, but one that steps back with a quiet strength. There is a strength in Ruth that you will hunger for because it brings you to the feet of Jesus our Redeemer.
Highly Highly and did I say Highly recommend.
I appreciated all that Paul Miller brought out in the character of Ruth. Her love was a quiet love that was not loud that is wanting to be noticed and adored, but one that steps back with a quiet strength. There is a strength in Ruth that you will hunger for because it brings you to the feet of Jesus our Redeemer.
Highly Highly and did I say Highly recommend.
January 7, 2018
When a friend of mine recommended this book to me, I was not so excited. Knowing a superb-logical highly-thinker friend was endorsing a book about love, I joked that these years, being a thinker made him unable to make sense of love; yet as a professional-feeler, I don't need this kind of book.
There is a grain of truth in every joke. I thought I know about love. I thought I am a loving person.
I was surprised yet insulted when later I declared myself to know nothing about love when I read its first chapter. I love and care about people. But it's not 'hesed', it's not a stubborn love. I don't have enough hope to hang in and endure if the object of my love snaps at me. I let myself become trapped by my feeling because my love is not formed out of dependence on God that makes it off-centered and demanding.
Not only this book encourages me to lament over my bitterness because I believe God is in control, but also how bitterness is a very beautiful chance (I prefer to call it a privilege) for me to repent, to know God, to strengthen my faith muscles. And the most beautiful fact as presented by Gospel, those faith+love pilgrimage is a divine path to resurrection.
Why this review becomes a synopsis? It sounds that I am overflown by the love uncovering exposed by this book.
There is a grain of truth in every joke. I thought I know about love. I thought I am a loving person.
I was surprised yet insulted when later I declared myself to know nothing about love when I read its first chapter. I love and care about people. But it's not 'hesed', it's not a stubborn love. I don't have enough hope to hang in and endure if the object of my love snaps at me. I let myself become trapped by my feeling because my love is not formed out of dependence on God that makes it off-centered and demanding.
Not only this book encourages me to lament over my bitterness because I believe God is in control, but also how bitterness is a very beautiful chance (I prefer to call it a privilege) for me to repent, to know God, to strengthen my faith muscles. And the most beautiful fact as presented by Gospel, those faith+love pilgrimage is a divine path to resurrection.
Why this review becomes a synopsis? It sounds that I am overflown by the love uncovering exposed by this book.
March 2, 2018
A Loving Life, is an in-depth study of the Biblical narrative of Ruth. The author consults Hebrew scholars to provide a better understanding of the time and culture of Naomi and Ruth, as well as word studies that provide a more clear understanding of authorial intent. This lends to making the narrative really come alive, making the characters and scenarios feel even more relatable. Paul Miller is an excellent teacher and storyteller who employs the use of narrative to accomplish the purpose of both informing and inspiring the reader. He points out the poetic artistry of the book of Ruth not only as Hebrew literature but as the Word of God and reminds us that as we look back over lives we can glimpse the beauty of God’s work in writing our part of His story.
The book consists of 23 short chapters which made it a good February read, at a devotional pace of about a chapter a day with a few days off here and there. I highly recommend it but would suggest first reading the author’s previous book, A Praying Life, as it seemed to me that the author on a few occasions referenced personal illustrations from the first book that wouldn’t have been clearly understood had I not read, A Praying Life, first.
The book consists of 23 short chapters which made it a good February read, at a devotional pace of about a chapter a day with a few days off here and there. I highly recommend it but would suggest first reading the author’s previous book, A Praying Life, as it seemed to me that the author on a few occasions referenced personal illustrations from the first book that wouldn’t have been clearly understood had I not read, A Praying Life, first.
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