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Checkered Scissors
Ed Black has built two worlds for himself: the real world with the company he founded and the woman he loves, and the dream world created from all his life experiences, both real or imaginary.
When a spirit inhabiting Ed's stereo steals his life in the real world, he finds himself stumbling through the bizarre world of his imagination. The search begins for the Checkered Scissors, a tool believed to cut between worlds.
Unfortunately, the owner of the Scissors lost them when he accidentally stumbled into the real world. Worlds apart, they must find their way back before the nightmarish Mr. Pinkerton, a mad scientist who loathes everything about Ed and his world, gets his sinister hands on the Checkered Scissors.
When a spirit inhabiting Ed's stereo steals his life in the real world, he finds himself stumbling through the bizarre world of his imagination. The search begins for the Checkered Scissors, a tool believed to cut between worlds.
Unfortunately, the owner of the Scissors lost them when he accidentally stumbled into the real world. Worlds apart, they must find their way back before the nightmarish Mr. Pinkerton, a mad scientist who loathes everything about Ed and his world, gets his sinister hands on the Checkered Scissors.
- GenresFantasy
327 pages, Kindle Edition
First published June 24, 2013
About the author
Douglas Schwartz
5 books16 followersDoug Schwartz's family-friendly fantasy stories are filled with hope and possibility. Using a simplistic style, he spins common words into abstract concepts. Doug blends ideas to develop colorful characters who find creative solutions to obscure challenges, resulting in adventures that are quirky, whimsical fun. Heavily influenced by British media, he draws inspiration from sources like Neil Gaiman, Monty Python, and Doctor Who, to name a few. Doug's unique style of writing compliments the works of Douglas Adams and Terry Pratchett.
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Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews
October 29, 2013
I enjoyed this book a lot! It took a little while to get into, but I really liked where the story went and how everything came together.
July 1, 2014
Douglas Schwartz’s Checkered Scissors is a delightful read, especially for those who love imaginative fiction or who are plagued by bizarre dreams that lead them to muse about intriguing implications in their waking life. For the latter, if you can imagine what it might be like if everything you’ve ever dreamed, read about it, or experienced materialized into a physical dimension, and was left to simmer together and evolve for a long while before you entered it yourself, you’ll have an idea of the book's setting.
Not only is the narrative itself interesting, but Mr. Schwartz manages to flesh out his characters to be multi-dimensional, even those that are cartoons, cameos, or figments of another character’s imagination. His villain is truly a villain, yet I occasionally sympathized with him in a way that I might with a bullied child who grows up to bully others after a terrifying and abusive childhood.
This is not a horror story, but it could have been in the hands of another writer. It would make a very good movie, though a director might go for the easy way out and turn it into something shocking and grotesque. That would be a shame because I think much of its unique style would be lost.
My only suggestion to Mr. Schwartz is to put his very fine preface and kind acknowledgements at the end of the book in an afterword. I understand the desire to put the book's creation in context and to express gratitude for all those who helped bring it to life, but by the time the reader has gotten through the table of contents, the title page, the long preface, and acknowledgements, impatience could well turn into frustration.
Otherwise, I have no qualms about recommending the book to anyone. It’s an intriguing read for all ages and various genres. But here, I’ll leave you with some excerpts to help you get an idea:
“He hated his creator for making him half man, half machine, and all monster. He never wanted to be a monster, but that’s how he appeared in the dream. The dream defined him.”
“Tonight, Annabelle would take the place of the star role as Priscilla Pigg in Roaming Thunder’s production of 'Swine Women and Song', a farm-themed, musical, love story.”
“If people considered him a monster and mad scientist, he didn’t bother to change his appearance. In fact, he improved upon his monstrous look. He blended his body with his chair so no one other than himself knew where his body ended and the mechanics started. He kept his head shaved and carved himself two spiral-shaped scars along each side to give the illusion of horns. For special occasions, he trained a swarm of hornets to swarm along his jawline like a buzzing beard.”
All in all, "Checkered Scissors" is a nice escape from reality where one occasionally wrestles with ethical dilemmas, sympathizes with heroes and villains alike, and finds more fuel to fire their own imaginative dreams.
Not only is the narrative itself interesting, but Mr. Schwartz manages to flesh out his characters to be multi-dimensional, even those that are cartoons, cameos, or figments of another character’s imagination. His villain is truly a villain, yet I occasionally sympathized with him in a way that I might with a bullied child who grows up to bully others after a terrifying and abusive childhood.
This is not a horror story, but it could have been in the hands of another writer. It would make a very good movie, though a director might go for the easy way out and turn it into something shocking and grotesque. That would be a shame because I think much of its unique style would be lost.
My only suggestion to Mr. Schwartz is to put his very fine preface and kind acknowledgements at the end of the book in an afterword. I understand the desire to put the book's creation in context and to express gratitude for all those who helped bring it to life, but by the time the reader has gotten through the table of contents, the title page, the long preface, and acknowledgements, impatience could well turn into frustration.
Otherwise, I have no qualms about recommending the book to anyone. It’s an intriguing read for all ages and various genres. But here, I’ll leave you with some excerpts to help you get an idea:
“He hated his creator for making him half man, half machine, and all monster. He never wanted to be a monster, but that’s how he appeared in the dream. The dream defined him.”
“Tonight, Annabelle would take the place of the star role as Priscilla Pigg in Roaming Thunder’s production of 'Swine Women and Song', a farm-themed, musical, love story.”
“If people considered him a monster and mad scientist, he didn’t bother to change his appearance. In fact, he improved upon his monstrous look. He blended his body with his chair so no one other than himself knew where his body ended and the mechanics started. He kept his head shaved and carved himself two spiral-shaped scars along each side to give the illusion of horns. For special occasions, he trained a swarm of hornets to swarm along his jawline like a buzzing beard.”
All in all, "Checkered Scissors" is a nice escape from reality where one occasionally wrestles with ethical dilemmas, sympathizes with heroes and villains alike, and finds more fuel to fire their own imaginative dreams.
November 17, 2013
Checkered Scissors transports you to a fantasy world that will make you think about "ordinary" life in new ways.The characters are searching for meaning in their lives, but that meaning is unique to each individual. Their intersecting journeys take you everywhere from Austin, Texas, to the world of dreams and even to the afterlife. Overall, Checkered Scissors is an enjoyable read for anyone who's yearned to step through the looking glass or crawl out the back of the wardrobe!
January 14, 2014
I was given a copy of “Checkered Scissors,” in exchange of an honest review. I met the author, Douglas Schwartz though a www.goodreads.com forum. Not knowing anything about the book other than it being classified as fantasy, I was willing to take a chance on the book and author.
“Checkered Scissors,” introduces us to the world of collapsible swimming pools. Not only are they collapsible, you can have a pool hanging on your wall filled with water. By some force that still boggled my mind, the water stayed in the pool to where you could swim. Wandering through this mayhem, Ed meets the creator of what is called Portable Pools, Max. Max leads this mysterious and confusing world.
Not understanding what is going on, Ed follows Max the pool guy to a room and produces a pair of checkered scissors. Ed, taking these scissors starts to cut a make a small hole in thin air. Peering through the hole, Ed was able to spy on the world on the other side. Only thing was, the person on the other side…was ED, sleeping. What is going on? Next thing we are in Ed’s reality, find out that everything he experienced was a dream. Or was it?
Michael Pinkerton, a mad scientist, whose half man, half machine, creates the most unique objects. It’s because of him that Max has the checkered scissors. People fear Pinkerton for who he is and what he has created. However, though his own delusional outlook of life, Pinkerton seems to have a plan. With his need to observe everything that is going on, he watches as Max steps through the hole he has created. Once through the hole, strands Max on the other side of the hole, steals his checkered scissors and leaves Max in a world he is unknown to.
Finally the other main character that we are introduced to is Glick. He’s a lost soul that only wants to return home after several hundred years of not having a physical body. Once Glick has control of Ed’s physical body, his main objection in his existence is to build a doorway that will take him back to Zephyrus.
Things take a huge turn when all four are on the hunt for one thing that will take them back home; the magical checkered scissors. This brings several questions to everyone’s mind…where are they, who has them and will I return to my home?
This was an unusual book to say the least. You encounter the most unusual creatures created. You have talking octopus, a rat wearing nun’s clothing and the list goes on from there. Also, you have the world that Mr. Schwartz created that was just amazing. I loved the way that he created a magical place that a pair of simple household scissors could become the magical link to everything.
I will say that this was a book that grows on you. At first I wasn’t sure what to be expecting. I will admit it was a little out there for me in the beginning. Port-A-Pools that collapse and can be hung on a wall that you can swim in. WEIRD! But, as the story progressed, it did start to change and formulate into a wonderfully weird story. This is what fantasy novels are about to be…fantasy.
It was a nice break from the typical fantasy novel I normally read. Don’t get me wrong, I love my elves, warlocks, dragons and countless evil magicians. Every once in a while it’s nice to just read something that is off the wall different.
I was debating with myself on how many stars I wanted to give to this book. I look at the star ratings as kind of a rip off to the reviewers and authors. You really need to be able to give a ½ star. To me a 5 star rating is something that I will more than likely go back and read. It’s a book that I’ve become obsessed with. A 4 star rating is a great book. It offers something that is unique and fascinates me. I wouldn’t say I love the book, but I really do like it. 3 stars is that the book was good. The book was able to capture my attention and was very enjoyable. 2 stars is it was ok. I more than likely won’t go back to re-read. I didn’t find much that kept my interest; it was just something to do to pass the time. 1 star, I just didn’t care at all for it. I more than likely didn’t even finish the book.
With all this said, I will be giving this book a 4 star review. I loved how unique the story was. The book was different enough that it captured my attention to where I wanted to know what was going to happen next. I do want to point out that, some places in the book were a little confusing in the beginning. I guess with the concept of it possibly being a dream and writing stuff in a journal, I didn’t know where the dream ended and reality began. All I can say is, keep reading. Everything starts to make sense as the story progresses.
Very unique and interesting story.
“Checkered Scissors,” introduces us to the world of collapsible swimming pools. Not only are they collapsible, you can have a pool hanging on your wall filled with water. By some force that still boggled my mind, the water stayed in the pool to where you could swim. Wandering through this mayhem, Ed meets the creator of what is called Portable Pools, Max. Max leads this mysterious and confusing world.
Not understanding what is going on, Ed follows Max the pool guy to a room and produces a pair of checkered scissors. Ed, taking these scissors starts to cut a make a small hole in thin air. Peering through the hole, Ed was able to spy on the world on the other side. Only thing was, the person on the other side…was ED, sleeping. What is going on? Next thing we are in Ed’s reality, find out that everything he experienced was a dream. Or was it?
Michael Pinkerton, a mad scientist, whose half man, half machine, creates the most unique objects. It’s because of him that Max has the checkered scissors. People fear Pinkerton for who he is and what he has created. However, though his own delusional outlook of life, Pinkerton seems to have a plan. With his need to observe everything that is going on, he watches as Max steps through the hole he has created. Once through the hole, strands Max on the other side of the hole, steals his checkered scissors and leaves Max in a world he is unknown to.
Finally the other main character that we are introduced to is Glick. He’s a lost soul that only wants to return home after several hundred years of not having a physical body. Once Glick has control of Ed’s physical body, his main objection in his existence is to build a doorway that will take him back to Zephyrus.
Things take a huge turn when all four are on the hunt for one thing that will take them back home; the magical checkered scissors. This brings several questions to everyone’s mind…where are they, who has them and will I return to my home?
This was an unusual book to say the least. You encounter the most unusual creatures created. You have talking octopus, a rat wearing nun’s clothing and the list goes on from there. Also, you have the world that Mr. Schwartz created that was just amazing. I loved the way that he created a magical place that a pair of simple household scissors could become the magical link to everything.
I will say that this was a book that grows on you. At first I wasn’t sure what to be expecting. I will admit it was a little out there for me in the beginning. Port-A-Pools that collapse and can be hung on a wall that you can swim in. WEIRD! But, as the story progressed, it did start to change and formulate into a wonderfully weird story. This is what fantasy novels are about to be…fantasy.
It was a nice break from the typical fantasy novel I normally read. Don’t get me wrong, I love my elves, warlocks, dragons and countless evil magicians. Every once in a while it’s nice to just read something that is off the wall different.
I was debating with myself on how many stars I wanted to give to this book. I look at the star ratings as kind of a rip off to the reviewers and authors. You really need to be able to give a ½ star. To me a 5 star rating is something that I will more than likely go back and read. It’s a book that I’ve become obsessed with. A 4 star rating is a great book. It offers something that is unique and fascinates me. I wouldn’t say I love the book, but I really do like it. 3 stars is that the book was good. The book was able to capture my attention and was very enjoyable. 2 stars is it was ok. I more than likely won’t go back to re-read. I didn’t find much that kept my interest; it was just something to do to pass the time. 1 star, I just didn’t care at all for it. I more than likely didn’t even finish the book.
With all this said, I will be giving this book a 4 star review. I loved how unique the story was. The book was different enough that it captured my attention to where I wanted to know what was going to happen next. I do want to point out that, some places in the book were a little confusing in the beginning. I guess with the concept of it possibly being a dream and writing stuff in a journal, I didn’t know where the dream ended and reality began. All I can say is, keep reading. Everything starts to make sense as the story progresses.
Very unique and interesting story.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
December 8, 2016
“Checkered Scissors” by Douglas Schwartz, narrated by Gary Roelofs, is a goofy, whacky, and quite unique tale of one man’s journey to recover his lost magical scissors. We meet some quite different characters along the way such as Glick who is over a thousand years old and he possesses people’s bodies. A salesman who uses scissors to craft his wonderfully creative and very popular pools. A mad scientist looking to find ways of travel between worlds so he can take over and rule them. And Max whose dreams have created much of what was brought to life in the book. Along with a host of other odd characters such as an ex-wrestler who was attacked by a shark.
The book takes the reader to many different otherly worlds (no space travel) where plants digest not only insects but large animals, pool water stays put in a horizontal position even though there is gravity, and entire cities with malls float around the skies; avoiding aircraft routes for obvious reasons. We come across some longtime warring factions and so much more as the book winds its way from start to finish. If this all sounds like quite a distinct journey, you would be right. At times, I found myself having to stop and take time to digest all that was happening. If this all sounds like something that would interest you, I would recommend you listen to the book or pick up a different edition. I do have a few caveats listed below in my review.
Let me start by saying that I did not go into this book understanding it was intended to be read and enjoyed by grade levels 4-12 (10-18-year-olds) until I did some research on the book’s Amazon Kindle edition page. Had I known this, I may not have been as interested in listening to the audiobook version. However, knowing this I want my review to reflect the book’s intended audience.
I found the writing style geared towards a younger audience along with more slapstick style humor. I do not remember any potty or immature humor, it was wittier to the age group. At times, I found it difficult knowing the audience because some topics or discussions would clearly only be understood by an adult reader. I’m unsure if the author was attempting to write like a Disney movie where something is funny to a child but also funny to an adult in a different way. A few referenced items in the book would only be known to an adult. I do not remember the book containing any innuendoes but there were a couple scenes discussing more adult subject matter; relationships, gender, etc. Overall the book’s sentences were simpler and shorter than I would expect when listening/reading adult aged books; so, it is more appropriate for the targeted audience.
This review is not saying that the book was unenjoyable, but once I understood it was directed towards a younger audience I could more freely appreciate it. The book reminds me more of a blending of steampunk, fantasy, and modern worlds all combined to create this very complex world where Max and his friends travel to find his magic scissors.
Let me turn my attention to the audiobook narration. Overall I think Mr. Roelofs did a good job narrating the book. His reading was consistent and well-paced. He appears to be a veteran in audiobook narration with over one hundred other titles to his name; crossing various genres. At times, I felt he was reading as I would to my child in the way he emphasized some sentences or voiced the different characters. Again, the book’s target audience is younger so I’m assuming the narration was read with this idea in mind. I have not listened to any other books by this narrator, so I’m unable to make any judgements apart from this book.
I do want to call out a few production issues with the audiobook version. First, there were a few places where I could make out some background noise, swallows, or it was clear the author was running out of air before completing the sentences he was reading. These were subtle items and did not take away from the overall story. The bigger issues for me was that an entire chapter (#26), containing nearly 20minutes of audio, was silent when I listened to the audiobook. After finishing the book, I deleted the copy I had downloaded from Audible, re-downloaded it and tried to listen to this one chapter again, but it too was blank. I’m sure this is something that Audible can address if it is not a production issue.
Disclaimer: I was voluntarily provided this review copy audiobook at no charge by the author, publisher and/or narrator.
The book takes the reader to many different otherly worlds (no space travel) where plants digest not only insects but large animals, pool water stays put in a horizontal position even though there is gravity, and entire cities with malls float around the skies; avoiding aircraft routes for obvious reasons. We come across some longtime warring factions and so much more as the book winds its way from start to finish. If this all sounds like quite a distinct journey, you would be right. At times, I found myself having to stop and take time to digest all that was happening. If this all sounds like something that would interest you, I would recommend you listen to the book or pick up a different edition. I do have a few caveats listed below in my review.
Let me start by saying that I did not go into this book understanding it was intended to be read and enjoyed by grade levels 4-12 (10-18-year-olds) until I did some research on the book’s Amazon Kindle edition page. Had I known this, I may not have been as interested in listening to the audiobook version. However, knowing this I want my review to reflect the book’s intended audience.
I found the writing style geared towards a younger audience along with more slapstick style humor. I do not remember any potty or immature humor, it was wittier to the age group. At times, I found it difficult knowing the audience because some topics or discussions would clearly only be understood by an adult reader. I’m unsure if the author was attempting to write like a Disney movie where something is funny to a child but also funny to an adult in a different way. A few referenced items in the book would only be known to an adult. I do not remember the book containing any innuendoes but there were a couple scenes discussing more adult subject matter; relationships, gender, etc. Overall the book’s sentences were simpler and shorter than I would expect when listening/reading adult aged books; so, it is more appropriate for the targeted audience.
This review is not saying that the book was unenjoyable, but once I understood it was directed towards a younger audience I could more freely appreciate it. The book reminds me more of a blending of steampunk, fantasy, and modern worlds all combined to create this very complex world where Max and his friends travel to find his magic scissors.
Let me turn my attention to the audiobook narration. Overall I think Mr. Roelofs did a good job narrating the book. His reading was consistent and well-paced. He appears to be a veteran in audiobook narration with over one hundred other titles to his name; crossing various genres. At times, I felt he was reading as I would to my child in the way he emphasized some sentences or voiced the different characters. Again, the book’s target audience is younger so I’m assuming the narration was read with this idea in mind. I have not listened to any other books by this narrator, so I’m unable to make any judgements apart from this book.
I do want to call out a few production issues with the audiobook version. First, there were a few places where I could make out some background noise, swallows, or it was clear the author was running out of air before completing the sentences he was reading. These were subtle items and did not take away from the overall story. The bigger issues for me was that an entire chapter (#26), containing nearly 20minutes of audio, was silent when I listened to the audiobook. After finishing the book, I deleted the copy I had downloaded from Audible, re-downloaded it and tried to listen to this one chapter again, but it too was blank. I’m sure this is something that Audible can address if it is not a production issue.
Disclaimer: I was voluntarily provided this review copy audiobook at no charge by the author, publisher and/or narrator.
February 7, 2017
"To be lost and abandoned ....""
To be honest, I have struggled to finish this book, with several restarts, over a considerable period of time. This is not to say that it is a bad story, simply one which was unable to either fire my imagination or hold my interest. And in this I might well be out of step with other readers; after all, I a not a fan of either Harry Potter or Tolkien's Lord of the Rings, either (I know, heresy - but I am trying to be fully up front here).
The book has several merits; the story is magically creative, shifting between dream states and 'reality' , all peopled with creative characters and some clever concepts, in particular the idea of a pool which can be cut to shape and where water can run perpendicularly and be folded is deliciously intriguing. The writing itself is simple, short sentences belying the complexity of the iconntent, and I enjoyed the waking life excerpts about Ed, his friend and partner in the cleverly named company Hammond Eggs. But the fairy tale overall, for me, became too long and infinitely tedious.
Gary Roelof's narration cannot be faulted. His calm and steady reading of the work was well paced and sympathetically performed, adding, after a while, to the dream like quality. Unfortunately, it also had the effect of drifting me away into my own dream world ...
I received Checkered Scissors as a complimentary gift from the rights owner, via Audiobook Boom. My thanks for this: it was an experience unlike most others For many I think this would be a great story, firing new ideas. Especially, perhaps, as a book for children caught in that magical age which precedes the launch into full adulthood. But personally I found the characters peopling the dream worlds not to my taste, with too much fantasy and fairytale
To be honest, I have struggled to finish this book, with several restarts, over a considerable period of time. This is not to say that it is a bad story, simply one which was unable to either fire my imagination or hold my interest. And in this I might well be out of step with other readers; after all, I a not a fan of either Harry Potter or Tolkien's Lord of the Rings, either (I know, heresy - but I am trying to be fully up front here).
The book has several merits; the story is magically creative, shifting between dream states and 'reality' , all peopled with creative characters and some clever concepts, in particular the idea of a pool which can be cut to shape and where water can run perpendicularly and be folded is deliciously intriguing. The writing itself is simple, short sentences belying the complexity of the iconntent, and I enjoyed the waking life excerpts about Ed, his friend and partner in the cleverly named company Hammond Eggs. But the fairy tale overall, for me, became too long and infinitely tedious.
Gary Roelof's narration cannot be faulted. His calm and steady reading of the work was well paced and sympathetically performed, adding, after a while, to the dream like quality. Unfortunately, it also had the effect of drifting me away into my own dream world ...
I received Checkered Scissors as a complimentary gift from the rights owner, via Audiobook Boom. My thanks for this: it was an experience unlike most others For many I think this would be a great story, firing new ideas. Especially, perhaps, as a book for children caught in that magical age which precedes the launch into full adulthood. But personally I found the characters peopling the dream worlds not to my taste, with too much fantasy and fairytale
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October 11, 2013Of course I loved this book. I wrote it! But, I want to hear what you think about it. Whether you liked it or not, please post a review about it. If you didn't like it, I would love to start a conversation with you to understand what aspects you did not like. The only way authors can improve their writing is by lots and lots of practice, and understanding the criticism on their stories. Please, share!
November 11, 2013
I was lucky enough to read a pre-release copy. The language was easy and the story was fantastical. If you like stories that take you on journeys to new worlds, this is a book for you. Overall, it's a really good effort from a first-time author.Douglas Schwartz
Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews