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The Merry Spinster: Tales of Everyday Horror
Goodreads Choice Award
Nominee for Best Horror (2018)"Empowering, subversive. . . . Daniel M. Lavery twists fairy tales into elegant garrotes. . . . There's not a single weak link in the cat's-breath chain of this collection." —The New York Times Book Review Adapted from the beloved “Children’s Stories Made Horrific” series, The Merry Spinster takes up the trademark wit that endeared Daniel M. Lavery to readers of both The Toast and the bestselling debut Texts from Jane Eyre. Sinister and inviting, familiar and alien all at the same time, The Merry Spinster twists traditional children’s stories and fairy tales with elements of psychological horror, emotional clarity, and a keen sense of feminist mischief. Unfalteringly faithful to its beloved source material, The Merry Spinster also illuminates the unsuspected and frequently alarming emotional complexities at play in the stories we tell ourselves, and each other, as we tuck ourselves in for the night.
196 pages, Kindle Edition
First published March 13, 2018
About the author
Daniel M. Lavery
18 books911 followersAlso see Mallory Ortberg and Daniel Mallory Ortberg.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 1,192 reviews
March 27, 2018
There are two really great stories here, a couple of okay ones, many pages of beautiful/whimsical/amusing writing, several interesting ideas, and a whole lot of codswallop. Let's call it a 2.5.
As with many other short story collections, like Machado's Her Body and Other Parties, The Merry Spinster is a mixed bag. With this one, though, I'm leaning more towards declaring it a negative reading experience. There were just too many nonsensical things, too many abrupt and weird endings, too many stories that felt pointless.
By far the best, for me, were "The Rabbit" and "Six Boy Coffins". The first is a retelling of The Velveteen Rabbit and it is the stuff of nightmares. Gone is the sob-inducing rabbit of the original and, in his place, is one seriously murderous bunny.
"Six Boy Coffins" is more of a traditional fairy tale with kings, queens, princesses, curses and punishments. The story arc was the most satisfying, and I couldn't look away right from the horrific opening to the very end.
"The Daughter Cells" was also pretty good. This is a Little Mermaid retelling and the narrator had such a snarky, weird and strangely likable voice. It's a perfectly dark and gory opening to the collection.
Some others read well and were engaging, but felt like they were building towards something important only to peter out at the end. You think something dramatic or twisty is going to happen and you wait and wait and it ends with the characters sat around drinking tea (or whatever). The titular "The Merry Spinster" is like this-- an enjoyable Beauty and the Beast retelling that gets to the end and I had no idea what the point was. I felt like I was supposed to “get” something that I didn’t.
"The Frog Princess", too, is an easy read, but feels pointless in the end-- no message, no twist, no climax. Nothing.
Pretty much all the others did nothing for me. I was intrigued by the gender fluid Cinderella retelling in "The Thankless Child" but I genuinely have no idea what the hell that story was even about. "The Wedding Party" is another that left me clueless.
Overall, The Merry Spinster was pretty disappointing. I'm glad I was able to find a couple of stand-out stories, but given that they account for less than 20% of the collection, it doesn't make sense to rate this any higher.
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As with many other short story collections, like Machado's Her Body and Other Parties, The Merry Spinster is a mixed bag. With this one, though, I'm leaning more towards declaring it a negative reading experience. There were just too many nonsensical things, too many abrupt and weird endings, too many stories that felt pointless.
By far the best, for me, were "The Rabbit" and "Six Boy Coffins". The first is a retelling of The Velveteen Rabbit and it is the stuff of nightmares. Gone is the sob-inducing rabbit of the original and, in his place, is one seriously murderous bunny.
In the excitement of looking at all the new presents the Velveteen Rabbit was put aside, and he learned for the first time what it was to be ignored, and he did not forget it.
"Six Boy Coffins" is more of a traditional fairy tale with kings, queens, princesses, curses and punishments. The story arc was the most satisfying, and I couldn't look away right from the horrific opening to the very end.
"The Daughter Cells" was also pretty good. This is a Little Mermaid retelling and the narrator had such a snarky, weird and strangely likable voice. It's a perfectly dark and gory opening to the collection.
She had kissed him, and she had kept his lungs from getting wet; this made him hers according to the laws of most commonsensical people.
Some others read well and were engaging, but felt like they were building towards something important only to peter out at the end. You think something dramatic or twisty is going to happen and you wait and wait and it ends with the characters sat around drinking tea (or whatever). The titular "The Merry Spinster" is like this-- an enjoyable Beauty and the Beast retelling that gets to the end and I had no idea what the point was. I felt like I was supposed to “get” something that I didn’t.
"The Frog Princess", too, is an easy read, but feels pointless in the end-- no message, no twist, no climax. Nothing.
Pretty much all the others did nothing for me. I was intrigued by the gender fluid Cinderella retelling in "The Thankless Child" but I genuinely have no idea what the hell that story was even about. "The Wedding Party" is another that left me clueless.
Overall, The Merry Spinster was pretty disappointing. I'm glad I was able to find a couple of stand-out stories, but given that they account for less than 20% of the collection, it doesn't make sense to rate this any higher.
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April 3, 2018
"Had my own brothers lived," the king said, "they should certainly have tried to harm our own children and stifle our peace." His own brothers, however, had not lived. It was an important task of kingship, determining when brothers and sons were no longer necessary.
I was really looking forward to this collection of fairy tale retellings, but it proved to be a something of a let down. Ortberg's versions are somber and bleak, but really no darker than the original stories. Perhaps going grimmer was never the author's intention, but that was my expectation, and I was disappointed.
I liked three of the eleven tales, but all of them are already fading from memory. I thought the first story in the collection, The Daughter Cells, was the best of the lot, but any tale about carnivorous mermaids has the power to turn me into a quivering bowlful of algae. Perhaps the most unusual element to Ortberg's stories was the fluid sexual identities of some of the characters - male princesses, and daughters named Paul.
There really is a lot of talent on display here, and in the future, I'd like to read something that is not based on another's ideas, but created solely from the author's imagination
I was really looking forward to this collection of fairy tale retellings, but it proved to be a something of a let down. Ortberg's versions are somber and bleak, but really no darker than the original stories. Perhaps going grimmer was never the author's intention, but that was my expectation, and I was disappointed.
I liked three of the eleven tales, but all of them are already fading from memory. I thought the first story in the collection, The Daughter Cells, was the best of the lot, but any tale about carnivorous mermaids has the power to turn me into a quivering bowlful of algae. Perhaps the most unusual element to Ortberg's stories was the fluid sexual identities of some of the characters - male princesses, and daughters named Paul.
There really is a lot of talent on display here, and in the future, I'd like to read something that is not based on another's ideas, but created solely from the author's imagination
December 26, 2017
I read the first few, skimmed the rest. I don't get any of it. Seems written by a writer who luxuriates in her own overblown cleverness.
I don't mean to be unnecessarily cruel in my review, and the writing itself is superb. That is, how one word meets the next; how metaphors fly out like gnats, biting and surprising you; how carefully each story is composed; and even, how repetition of phrases create a sort of innate rhythm to each tale. Yep, this writer can write.
But the stories are obtuse, strange, contorted - and not in the sense I, a horror and mystery reader - usually like. I must also add I was a great reader of fairy tales in my younger years - up and through my twenties. I read the red, green, blue, etc., fairy tale books and often had to justify borrowing them from the local library. (My mother thought it was nuts I loved these books.)
But these short tales, obviously the black sheep offshoots of 'regular' folk and fairy tales, are not to my fancy. My mind was everywhere as I read them - I had to concentrate to keep on reading.
So, two stars, both for skill in the actual writing.
I won this book through Goodreads, which I fully support and appreciate.
I don't mean to be unnecessarily cruel in my review, and the writing itself is superb. That is, how one word meets the next; how metaphors fly out like gnats, biting and surprising you; how carefully each story is composed; and even, how repetition of phrases create a sort of innate rhythm to each tale. Yep, this writer can write.
But the stories are obtuse, strange, contorted - and not in the sense I, a horror and mystery reader - usually like. I must also add I was a great reader of fairy tales in my younger years - up and through my twenties. I read the red, green, blue, etc., fairy tale books and often had to justify borrowing them from the local library. (My mother thought it was nuts I loved these books.)
But these short tales, obviously the black sheep offshoots of 'regular' folk and fairy tales, are not to my fancy. My mind was everywhere as I read them - I had to concentrate to keep on reading.
So, two stars, both for skill in the actual writing.
I won this book through Goodreads, which I fully support and appreciate.
November 21, 2018
4 Stars!
I loved these!
Hilarious and disturbing retellings of your childhood favorites. Sharp, insightful and feminist, they may ruin forever the way you look at these stories.
Thanks to NetGalley for a copy of the book.
I loved these!
Hilarious and disturbing retellings of your childhood favorites. Sharp, insightful and feminist, they may ruin forever the way you look at these stories.
Thanks to NetGalley for a copy of the book.
May 10, 2018
Oh Mallory, oh Daniel Mallory, oh my goodness gracious how I adore you.
This book tho... I don't know. It is incredibly well done, but that is not at all the same as saying I enjoyed it.
Each tale starts out familiar, like a song you love redone in a minor key — the mermaid who trades her voice for legs, the king who banishes his sons, the put-upon stepsister who goes to live with a beast-creature — but quickly they twist and wrench. Each unfurls with a sickly sweet beauty and a pitch-perfect fairytale tone, but it's impossible to ignore the oily, crawly dread roiling your stomach as they all lurch into a new kind of deeply, deeply disturbing darkness. What terrors will the stuffed rabbit visit upon the sweaty little boy who clutches him too tightly at night? What horrors will the muted, gangly-legged former mermaid cause for her dehumanizing aggro prince and his blushing airhead bride? You want to know, but you also kind of really, really don't.
I don't know how to rate or really even review a book like this, which is beautiful and strange and horrible horrible horrible. It's hauntingly lovely but oh god, most of the time I hated it. There is only so much darkness I can bear, and this proffers about twice that. So much bloodletting, so much sorrow, so much arch potent destruction, of people and places and love and trust and hope. So much rending of flesh and plucking out of eyes. So much grief and tragedy. So many new kinds of devastation and despair. I could not have been more relieved to be finished with it.
This book tho... I don't know. It is incredibly well done, but that is not at all the same as saying I enjoyed it.
Each tale starts out familiar, like a song you love redone in a minor key — the mermaid who trades her voice for legs, the king who banishes his sons, the put-upon stepsister who goes to live with a beast-creature — but quickly they twist and wrench. Each unfurls with a sickly sweet beauty and a pitch-perfect fairytale tone, but it's impossible to ignore the oily, crawly dread roiling your stomach as they all lurch into a new kind of deeply, deeply disturbing darkness. What terrors will the stuffed rabbit visit upon the sweaty little boy who clutches him too tightly at night? What horrors will the muted, gangly-legged former mermaid cause for her dehumanizing aggro prince and his blushing airhead bride? You want to know, but you also kind of really, really don't.
I don't know how to rate or really even review a book like this, which is beautiful and strange and horrible horrible horrible. It's hauntingly lovely but oh god, most of the time I hated it. There is only so much darkness I can bear, and this proffers about twice that. So much bloodletting, so much sorrow, so much arch potent destruction, of people and places and love and trust and hope. So much rending of flesh and plucking out of eyes. So much grief and tragedy. So many new kinds of devastation and despair. I could not have been more relieved to be finished with it.
May 21, 2018
I'm officially tired of reading retelling anthologies. They get odder and weirder and more befuddling with each story and by the time I'm done I feel like banging my head against a wall.
I understand that part of it has to do with the fact that I have no ducking clue about the original stories themselves, most of the stories the writers pick to retell are not the usual disney ones. But then, how the heck am I supposed to get what part was retold and how cleverly it was done? A short summary of the originals beforehand would be nice. Like really, really nice. It would help me give a modicum of understanding and I wouldn't WTF all over the place. That's one.
The second thing is, even when I know the story, I'm still compelled to wtf all over the place because:
a) the writers (all 8359385738 of them from the 4+ anthologies I've read so far) insist on sounding really poetic and mysterious and vague. It drives me nuts.
b) it gets confusing with every word. I literally have no idea what is going on.
c) it gets weirder beyond limit, hence the WTFing.
There were 11 stories in this and I found only 3 to my liking. The rest were so bad.
The Daughter Cells:
Retelling of The Little Mermaid. I liked it. By comparison. But even this had some much weirdness thrown in it. I get that these are short stories and you add bits and pieces in it that you don't have the room to explain but Lord in Heaven I wanted to scream because these little 'bits' did not add mystique and intrigue to the story. They just added randomness and bizarreness, in a horrible and confounding way.
The Thankless Child:
These were the sources and inspirations for this story:
-Cinderella
-King Lear, Shakespeare
-The Ladder of Divine Ascent
-Lorica of St. Patrick, Irish-Christian prayer
-The Divine Praises, Catholic Prayer
-Psalm 139
So you'll excuse me if I don't have the first shitting clue about what even happened here.
Fear Not: An Incident Log:
Inspired by the Book
The Six Coffins & The Rabbit:
Now these two, these two were good. Properly horrifying and enthralling.
The Merry Spinster:
The absolute worst Beauty and the Beast retelling in the universe.
The Wedding Party:
Some of Us Had Been Threatening Our Friend Mr. Toad:
Psychopathic rodents. How, er, interesting.
Cast Your Bread Upon the Waters:
Psychopathic grannies...
The Frog's Princess:
LOL? And the next time someone calls a daughter a "he", I will find the nearest possible cliff and jump off from it.
Good Fences Make Good Neighbors:
Psychopathic neighbors...
In conclusion, I am so done.
March 25, 2023
Do you ever pick a up a book on a whim and it ends up being a book you didn't know you needed at exactly the right time? That was my experience with The Merry Spinster- a short story collection that has been languishing on my shelves for years and since it fit for a readathon, I decided to finally read it. And wow, the way this hit left me reeling.
It's so interesting that there are a lot of negative reviews, mostly of people not getting the point of these stories. And to be fair, I do think some of them will mostly work for niche groups of people. So I'm going to go ahead and recommend this collection to my fellow former and deconstructing evangelicals or Christians of other varieties. Especially if you're queer, but even if you're not. Several of these stories are really about the church, Christian conceptions of God, homophobia, and religious abuse. But told as twisted versions of fairytales, folktales and fables.
For instance, the Thankless Child reimagines a queer Cinderella story that is rife with religious references, recasting a version of God as the evil stepmother, and unpacking theology and preaching as religious trauma including homophobia. It's brilliant and could be picked apart. For instance, the "Cinderella" type is a daughter named Paul, which not only references one of the writers of the Bible, but also suggests a gender-queer identity. There are so many layers to this story and it hit me really hard.
There are also stories that play with gender and gendered expectations in interesting ways, like The Frog's Princess where the princess is a (probably trans) boy fighting expectations, or the titular Merry Spinster retelling Beauty and the Beast where the girl has no interest in falling in love or getting married.
I loved this entire collection so much, but one of my favorites just because of the way it plays with nostalgia and expectations for people with a certain cultural touchstone is Good Fences Make Good Neighbors. It draws on the children's story Frog and Toad are friends- a classic written by a closeted gay man depicting a deep friendship between two male animals. Lavery isn't the first to point out the queerness present in the Frog and Toad stories, but he then twists it with another folktale into something that comments on closeted queerness and emotional abuse in queer relationships.
I kind of think the reason so many people don't "get" this collection is because none of the stories are written to be taken at face value. They all have layers of meaning, sometimes drawing on niche religious or cultural artifacts that are key to understanding their intended meaning. It's horror yes, but in a very literary, metaphorical sort of way. So if you're picking this up and expecting something more straightforward, you won't get it. But I absolutely loved this and will be thinking about it for a long time.
It's so interesting that there are a lot of negative reviews, mostly of people not getting the point of these stories. And to be fair, I do think some of them will mostly work for niche groups of people. So I'm going to go ahead and recommend this collection to my fellow former and deconstructing evangelicals or Christians of other varieties. Especially if you're queer, but even if you're not. Several of these stories are really about the church, Christian conceptions of God, homophobia, and religious abuse. But told as twisted versions of fairytales, folktales and fables.
For instance, the Thankless Child reimagines a queer Cinderella story that is rife with religious references, recasting a version of God as the evil stepmother, and unpacking theology and preaching as religious trauma including homophobia. It's brilliant and could be picked apart. For instance, the "Cinderella" type is a daughter named Paul, which not only references one of the writers of the Bible, but also suggests a gender-queer identity. There are so many layers to this story and it hit me really hard.
There are also stories that play with gender and gendered expectations in interesting ways, like The Frog's Princess where the princess is a (probably trans) boy fighting expectations, or the titular Merry Spinster retelling Beauty and the Beast where the girl has no interest in falling in love or getting married.
I loved this entire collection so much, but one of my favorites just because of the way it plays with nostalgia and expectations for people with a certain cultural touchstone is Good Fences Make Good Neighbors. It draws on the children's story Frog and Toad are friends- a classic written by a closeted gay man depicting a deep friendship between two male animals. Lavery isn't the first to point out the queerness present in the Frog and Toad stories, but he then twists it with another folktale into something that comments on closeted queerness and emotional abuse in queer relationships.
I kind of think the reason so many people don't "get" this collection is because none of the stories are written to be taken at face value. They all have layers of meaning, sometimes drawing on niche religious or cultural artifacts that are key to understanding their intended meaning. It's horror yes, but in a very literary, metaphorical sort of way. So if you're picking this up and expecting something more straightforward, you won't get it. But I absolutely loved this and will be thinking about it for a long time.
March 21, 2019
I love the word ‘spinster’ – the word itself, not the meaning. It sounds like ‘hipster’, it’s a great name for a DJ.
“Tales of Everyday Horror”? Not a great tagline, these are dark retellings of fairytales and children’s stories, not ‘everyday’ situations. There is not much that’s ‘everyday’ about a mermaid trying to snag a prince, or a murderous velveteen rabbit.
Title aside, I mostly enjoyed this collection. The best stories are frontloaded, so it kind of wears out its welcome by the end, but it was worth the read for the standout pieces.
“Tales of Everyday Horror”? Not a great tagline, these are dark retellings of fairytales and children’s stories, not ‘everyday’ situations. There is not much that’s ‘everyday’ about a mermaid trying to snag a prince, or a murderous velveteen rabbit.
Title aside, I mostly enjoyed this collection. The best stories are frontloaded, so it kind of wears out its welcome by the end, but it was worth the read for the standout pieces.
April 9, 2018
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Actual Rating 2.5
You should be a fan of the Grimm' Fairy Tales, in order to appreciate these short stories. I am really familiar with Disney's feel good fairy tales but didn't feel familiar enough with the source material to appreciate the adaptions. These horrific short stories pay homage to their original sources while adding elements of horror and surprise. The characters don't behave according to established gender norms although most of the stories take place in the distant past. I appreciated non gender conforming characters, but found it more confusing than enlightening. There were characters who had names typically associated with one gender, but they were referred to as another. It didn't work well because in the brief stories there was no context to ever address the gender bending elements.
The stories included surprising twists, villains and humor but none of the elements worked together as enjoyable whole. The writing was engaging but the retelling didn't make sense. The endings of these stories don't give any sort of resolution, but serve as devices to shock the reader. This is the kind of book that will work for fans of horror and original fairy tales, however it didn't resonate well with me.
Recommended for readers who:
-enjoy horror themed fairy tales
-are fans of Brother Grimm Fairy Tales
-appreciate non-traditional gender representation
I received this book from Henry Holt/ Holt Paperbacks in exchange for an honest review.
Actual Rating 2.5
You should be a fan of the Grimm' Fairy Tales, in order to appreciate these short stories. I am really familiar with Disney's feel good fairy tales but didn't feel familiar enough with the source material to appreciate the adaptions. These horrific short stories pay homage to their original sources while adding elements of horror and surprise. The characters don't behave according to established gender norms although most of the stories take place in the distant past. I appreciated non gender conforming characters, but found it more confusing than enlightening. There were characters who had names typically associated with one gender, but they were referred to as another. It didn't work well because in the brief stories there was no context to ever address the gender bending elements.
"They are stuffed in boxes and hidden in the dirt , or else set on fire and turned into cinders, so no one else can make any use of them; they are a prodigiously selfish race and consider themselves their own private property even in death ."
The stories included surprising twists, villains and humor but none of the elements worked together as enjoyable whole. The writing was engaging but the retelling didn't make sense. The endings of these stories don't give any sort of resolution, but serve as devices to shock the reader. This is the kind of book that will work for fans of horror and original fairy tales, however it didn't resonate well with me.
Recommended for readers who:
-enjoy horror themed fairy tales
-are fans of Brother Grimm Fairy Tales
-appreciate non-traditional gender representation
I received this book from Henry Holt/ Holt Paperbacks in exchange for an honest review.
January 18, 2019
Oh my God, this was terrible. Awful. Horrendous. Never before in my life have I read something so utterly pointless. These are not short stories. These are not even complete thoughts. They're just pointless anecdotes that aren't interesting and don't mean anything at all. And they're boring.
Maybe three stories in this ("The Rabbit", "Six Boy Coffins", and "Cast Your Bread Upon the Waters"), were readable and had some semblance of plot (thought they were not satisfying plots).
Others, such as "The Thankless Child" and "The Wedding Party" were completely nonsensical.
Others, like the titular "The Merry Spinster" and "Good Fences Make Good Neighbors" were somewhat interesting to read but had no point whatsoever.
And there was one, "We Have Been Threatening Our Friend Mr. Toad", that I skipped over entirely, because I just could not get through it.
I don't get it. These "stories" have no climax, no payoff, no plot. What is the point of any of this? They're supposed to be fairy tale retellings (the most interesting part of the book for me was the author listing the sources and influences), but what are they doing? Are they supposed to be dark and ~edgy? They're not. Are they meant to be funny? Thought-provoking? What am I missing here? Is there something that I'm missing, or are these just words printed on paper with no purpose whatsoever?
I already know this is going on my worst books of they year list, and it's only January.
Maybe three stories in this ("The Rabbit", "Six Boy Coffins", and "Cast Your Bread Upon the Waters"), were readable and had some semblance of plot (thought they were not satisfying plots).
Others, such as "The Thankless Child" and "The Wedding Party" were completely nonsensical.
Others, like the titular "The Merry Spinster" and "Good Fences Make Good Neighbors" were somewhat interesting to read but had no point whatsoever.
And there was one, "We Have Been Threatening Our Friend Mr. Toad", that I skipped over entirely, because I just could not get through it.
I don't get it. These "stories" have no climax, no payoff, no plot. What is the point of any of this? They're supposed to be fairy tale retellings (the most interesting part of the book for me was the author listing the sources and influences), but what are they doing? Are they supposed to be dark and ~edgy? They're not. Are they meant to be funny? Thought-provoking? What am I missing here? Is there something that I'm missing, or are these just words printed on paper with no purpose whatsoever?
I already know this is going on my worst books of they year list, and it's only January.
April 11, 2018
I'm sad to say I was very disappointed by this. Fairytale retellings are difficult, because they've just been done so many times before (Atwood, Carter, Donoghue, Gaiman...); still, I sort of hoped that if anyone could pull them off, it would be Ortberg, whose humorous writings and sharp takes on literature have always amused me a great deal. He does get in some very funny lines here and there in this collection, but overall, the ideas just didn't seem that creative or new. The writing felt rather self-conscious. And frankly...it was just an unpleasant, grimdark sort of read -- without being clever in a way that a) I was expecting and b) would, for me, make up for that.
Like, there are at least three lengthy stories all about gaslighting -- none of which really said anything about gaslighting; they merely depicted it. It's 2018: I get enough of that "everyday horror" already, thanks.
Like, there are at least three lengthy stories all about gaslighting -- none of which really said anything about gaslighting; they merely depicted it. It's 2018: I get enough of that "everyday horror" already, thanks.
October 23, 2017
Received an ARC for free blah blah whatever disclosure.
These stories are weird and queer and horrifying and are not going to be everyone’s cup of tea but if you like Mallory’s writing especially her “children’s stories made horrifying” you won’t be disappointed. Also The Rabbit is going to haunt me forever.
These stories are weird and queer and horrifying and are not going to be everyone’s cup of tea but if you like Mallory’s writing especially her “children’s stories made horrifying” you won’t be disappointed. Also The Rabbit is going to haunt me forever.
April 14, 2018
I blurbed this book, so just to add to what I already said ---- this is really something special, even after the other fairytale retellings I've read lately. I wasn't really prepared for quite how creepy and intense, and endleslsy inventive, this book is. Unsettling and powerful, and it'll totally make you look at the stories that formed us in a whole new way.
February 14, 2018
Mallory Ortberg, author of Texts From Jane Eyre, has created another wonderfully unique book. This compilation of short stories retelling a variety of everyone's most beloved fairy and folk tales is not one the reader will soon forget.
The main reason I would love a hard copy of this book and perceive it as a valuable read is I like that this book changes my perspective on classic stories. I will never think of The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, Cinderella, and the other classic stories the author reinvents, the same way again. Ortberg gives her horror twist on stories, such as The Velveteen Rabbit, and also includes with that, some gender-neutral characters (The Frog Prince) and feminist scenarios (Beauty and the Beast, Little Mermaid, The Six Swans, etc.), where the damsel in distress pretty much just kills everyone (not really -- well...).
If you have a dark sense of humor, you will get a kick out of this book. If you don't (which I don't think I do -- but every avid reader gets used to reading gory and horror scenes, right? Have I become immune?), you'll probably enjoy this because of the different perspective the book provides.
I can't leave this review without a complaint because I'm sure you're wondering (okay, maybe not, but here I go anyway) why only the four stars? This story sounds amazing, so why isn't it a five-star read? Mallory Ortberg is a terrific writer and I thoroughly enjoyed each short story -- which is why I'm really upset that each story was so short. Some parts lacked enough detail and I had to read it a few times to make sure I understood what was happening. I didn't want each story to end. I think that each story could have been elaborated more and maybe made into a series of short books instead of just compiling them into stories with not enough story. I understand it fits with the theme of keeping them like the children's versions, but still, some parts were left wanting.
Otherwise, a great read and will recommend this as a fun read.
I received this as an ARC from NetGalley. Thank you, NetGalley!
The main reason I would love a hard copy of this book and perceive it as a valuable read is I like that this book changes my perspective on classic stories. I will never think of The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, Cinderella, and the other classic stories the author reinvents, the same way again. Ortberg gives her horror twist on stories, such as The Velveteen Rabbit, and also includes with that, some gender-neutral characters (The Frog Prince) and feminist scenarios (Beauty and the Beast, Little Mermaid, The Six Swans, etc.), where the damsel in distress pretty much just kills everyone (not really -- well...).
If you have a dark sense of humor, you will get a kick out of this book. If you don't (which I don't think I do -- but every avid reader gets used to reading gory and horror scenes, right? Have I become immune?), you'll probably enjoy this because of the different perspective the book provides.
I can't leave this review without a complaint because I'm sure you're wondering (okay, maybe not, but here I go anyway) why only the four stars? This story sounds amazing, so why isn't it a five-star read? Mallory Ortberg is a terrific writer and I thoroughly enjoyed each short story -- which is why I'm really upset that each story was so short. Some parts lacked enough detail and I had to read it a few times to make sure I understood what was happening. I didn't want each story to end. I think that each story could have been elaborated more and maybe made into a series of short books instead of just compiling them into stories with not enough story. I understand it fits with the theme of keeping them like the children's versions, but still, some parts were left wanting.
Otherwise, a great read and will recommend this as a fun read.
I received this as an ARC from NetGalley. Thank you, NetGalley!
February 6, 2020
As a lover of short stories and horror I was anticipating becoming obsessed, but it doesn't quite hit the mark. All of the stories are focused on some sort of retelling (there is a helpful list at the end for comparison) with a 'clever' twist. My favorite is The Six Boy-Coffins, which has more going for it if you're looking to like a single character, as well as being unique.
Shelved as 'dnf'
October 17, 2018The first story in this collection was fine, but it didn't really grab me. I also have a feeling that Ortberg's clever-for-the-sake-of-being-clever style would grate on me if I read more than one story at a time. This is due back at the library soon anyway, so bail!
June 8, 2019
This collection was hit and miss to me. Some of the stories had fantastic insight and twists with the fairy tales they borrowed from. Personally, I think the winners were the stories based off the Little Mermaid, the Velveteen Rabbit, the one about the mother whose son marries a mermaid, and the Swan Brothers. The other ones though didn't work out as well because the motivations were flat/not explained, such as Beauty and the Beast (really hated this one) and the Goose-Girl. I get that the author was experimenting with different tales to make them more dark and morbid, and for some, she absolutely hit it out of the park, but others just fizzled out.
I actually rate this 3.5/5 stars, because regardless of how I liked each story overall, each and every one of them had at least one brilliant line within it. So for these brilliant lines, I am pushing the rating up to a 4.
I actually rate this 3.5/5 stars, because regardless of how I liked each story overall, each and every one of them had at least one brilliant line within it. So for these brilliant lines, I am pushing the rating up to a 4.
November 24, 2020
I loved this collection so much. Wicked and genius, these tales of horror subvert and engage children's literature and the fairy tale in ways that feel exhilarating and moving and new. There is a story in this collection that in imo should belong to the universe of stories forever, it is so dangerous and perfect. Thanks to that story, I'll never look at the Velveteen Rabbit in the same way again and I'm so happy about that, Bunny.
May 31, 2018
Netgalley #56
Many thanks go to Mallory Ortberg, Holt Paperback, and Netgalley for the free copy of this book in exchange for my unbiased review.
I admit it. I have a soft spot for fairy tale retellings. Ortberg was definitely original here. She melded two or more tales, nursery rhymes, prayers, and ballads to create one-of-a-kind stories with a cynical twist. If anyone has difficulty identifying what's being used, there is a table at the end. I think my favorite was "The Wedding Party", which read like a first rate British sitcom. It makes me want to read some chick lit by Ortberg. It would be quite good I'm sure similar to Kinsella but much more snarky.
I just loved this book. It's a quick read, really entertaining and clever. I loved how she gained inspiration. Can't wait for her next work!
Many thanks go to Mallory Ortberg, Holt Paperback, and Netgalley for the free copy of this book in exchange for my unbiased review.
I admit it. I have a soft spot for fairy tale retellings. Ortberg was definitely original here. She melded two or more tales, nursery rhymes, prayers, and ballads to create one-of-a-kind stories with a cynical twist. If anyone has difficulty identifying what's being used, there is a table at the end. I think my favorite was "The Wedding Party", which read like a first rate British sitcom. It makes me want to read some chick lit by Ortberg. It would be quite good I'm sure similar to Kinsella but much more snarky.
I just loved this book. It's a quick read, really entertaining and clever. I loved how she gained inspiration. Can't wait for her next work!
January 28, 2019
1- The Daughter Cells: (4.5/5) A little mermaid retelling, it gave me chills. The way the little mermaid was "naive" was both chilling and realistic (in the story).
2- The Thankless Child (3/5): A weird Cinderella iteration but the ending was quite strange and... abrupt almost? Also the gender identifications and names and pronouns are really weird in this story.
3- Fear Not: An Incident Log (4.5/5): I kept thinking what fairytale or story this would be the iteration for but I gave up. Anyhow, I think this is my favorite tale so far, it's creepy and eerie, and I like when figures like "Death" are the narrators. (I don't think the narrator in this story is Death, but it's quite close to this concept).
4- The Six Boy-Coffins (4.5/5): A retelling of the six swans fairytale. I liked it a lot, and I liked the horrible twist added to it.
5- The Rabbit (5/5): It's an iteration of the Velveteen rabbit and it's my favorite so far. I think this kind of stories is what I expected going into this book. This kind of creepiness and magic.
6- The Merry Spinster (2.5/5): I didn't like this retelling of Beauty and the Beast, it was quite weird. Also, again with the weird pronouns. If "Sylvia" is a "daughter" why do they keep referring to her as a "he"? I just don't get it.
7- The Wedding Party (1/5): I don't even understand what I just read.
8- Some of us had been threatening our friend mr. Toad (1/5): The stories are getting worse, I skimmed through the second half of this story. I don't even know what that was.
9- Cast your Bread upon the Waters (1/5): that was disappointing...
10- The Frog's Princess (3.5/5): That was a creepy retelling, and I'm guessing it's nothing like the Disney film, but AGAIN with the weird pronouns. Why make them "daughters" if they're gonna be addressed as a "he"? why not jus make them sons?????
I give up on reading the last story, just because I feel done with this collection. I had higher hopes for this book, and though I liked a lot of the stories, the ones I didn't really really almost made me stop reading. I wish I had known that there was a section at the end for the inspirations behind each story, only found out about it after reading 9 of the 11 stories, but it's nice to see some of the things and references I missed.
The writing seemed choppy and the endings especially suffered the most. This book is called "tales of everyday horror", but at times I couldn't identify where the horror was. overall, it was a good collection, not horrible but not what I expected and wanted.
2- The Thankless Child (3/5): A weird Cinderella iteration but the ending was quite strange and... abrupt almost? Also the gender identifications and names and pronouns are really weird in this story.
3- Fear Not: An Incident Log (4.5/5): I kept thinking what fairytale or story this would be the iteration for but I gave up. Anyhow, I think this is my favorite tale so far, it's creepy and eerie, and I like when figures like "Death" are the narrators. (I don't think the narrator in this story is Death, but it's quite close to this concept).
4- The Six Boy-Coffins (4.5/5): A retelling of the six swans fairytale. I liked it a lot, and I liked the horrible twist added to it.
5- The Rabbit (5/5): It's an iteration of the Velveteen rabbit and it's my favorite so far. I think this kind of stories is what I expected going into this book. This kind of creepiness and magic.
6- The Merry Spinster (2.5/5): I didn't like this retelling of Beauty and the Beast, it was quite weird. Also, again with the weird pronouns. If "Sylvia" is a "daughter" why do they keep referring to her as a "he"? I just don't get it.
7- The Wedding Party (1/5): I don't even understand what I just read.
8- Some of us had been threatening our friend mr. Toad (1/5): The stories are getting worse, I skimmed through the second half of this story. I don't even know what that was.
9- Cast your Bread upon the Waters (1/5): that was disappointing...
10- The Frog's Princess (3.5/5): That was a creepy retelling, and I'm guessing it's nothing like the Disney film, but AGAIN with the weird pronouns. Why make them "daughters" if they're gonna be addressed as a "he"? why not jus make them sons?????
I give up on reading the last story, just because I feel done with this collection. I had higher hopes for this book, and though I liked a lot of the stories, the ones I didn't really really almost made me stop reading. I wish I had known that there was a section at the end for the inspirations behind each story, only found out about it after reading 9 of the 11 stories, but it's nice to see some of the things and references I missed.
The writing seemed choppy and the endings especially suffered the most. This book is called "tales of everyday horror", but at times I couldn't identify where the horror was. overall, it was a good collection, not horrible but not what I expected and wanted.
August 12, 2020
If you already know Ortberg, you know what you're getting into with this collection and it will be even more delightful than you expect.
If you don't already know Ortberg, well, this is a book that's going to defy your expectations at every turn. It tweaks tropes and genders and just about everything else over and over again, slowly lulling you into a glorious openness.
If you don't already know Ortberg, well, this is a book that's going to defy your expectations at every turn. It tweaks tropes and genders and just about everything else over and over again, slowly lulling you into a glorious openness.
April 20, 2018
I am an unapologetic (Daniel*) Mallory Ortberg fangirl. I've followed his work since the Toast, was overcome with glee when he took over Dear Prudence and basically think he can do no wrong. I also love faerie tales and hate short stories, so that's pretty much the context for where I'm coming from.
Ortberg is a master of language and it shines here. His wit is subtle, but biting, and each story quickly comes into focus with a clear tone and setting, in a way that many short stories authors struggle with. In a lot of ways, the book reminded me of Kelly Link's work -- designed as an intellectual puzzle that left you feeling something, without necessarily understanding why or what was literally happening in the story. Which is a super cool effect. But sometimes, a girl just wants to get what's happening, so by the end of the book the impact of that had kind of worn off.
My favorite stories was the first, a really atmospheric retelling of The Little Mermaid, perhaps because many of the conceits that Ortberg used throughout the book were new and shiny still then. I loved the way Ortberg played with my expectations of "mermaid" by introducing radial symmetry, and the administrative humor of the Rules of the Fae. The siren/selkie tale later on used a lot of the same tricks, but just felt less cool.
The two Frog & Toad-based stories stood out. Both because I don't consider Frog & Toad a faerie tale, but also they both had the same tone of passive aggressive/gaslighting horror. (Which was kind of also present in the Merry Spinster -- where Beauty basically just bullied everyone by "never thinking of herself") And yes, that is my personal bogeyman, but at the same time, I kind of wanted to be like "who hurt you?"
*Daniel Mallory Orbterg came out as a transman and changed his name coincident to the publishing of this book.
Ortberg is a master of language and it shines here. His wit is subtle, but biting, and each story quickly comes into focus with a clear tone and setting, in a way that many short stories authors struggle with. In a lot of ways, the book reminded me of Kelly Link's work -- designed as an intellectual puzzle that left you feeling something, without necessarily understanding why or what was literally happening in the story. Which is a super cool effect. But sometimes, a girl just wants to get what's happening, so by the end of the book the impact of that had kind of worn off.
My favorite stories was the first, a really atmospheric retelling of The Little Mermaid, perhaps because many of the conceits that Ortberg used throughout the book were new and shiny still then. I loved the way Ortberg played with my expectations of "mermaid" by introducing radial symmetry, and the administrative humor of the Rules of the Fae. The siren/selkie tale later on used a lot of the same tricks, but just felt less cool.
The two Frog & Toad-based stories stood out. Both because I don't consider Frog & Toad a faerie tale, but also they both had the same tone of passive aggressive/gaslighting horror. (Which was kind of also present in the Merry Spinster -- where Beauty basically just bullied everyone by "never thinking of herself") And yes, that is my personal bogeyman, but at the same time, I kind of wanted to be like "who hurt you?"
*Daniel Mallory Orbterg came out as a transman and changed his name coincident to the publishing of this book.
June 26, 2024
3.5 stars
I loved the writing of this, and it was an interesting take on some well known fairy tales with a haunting, and very queer spin on it. But either I'm too dumb for it, or it wasn't spelled out well enough, but fairy tales like this always have a "point" or a lesson learned, and not all of them were very clear.
I loved the writing of this, and it was an interesting take on some well known fairy tales with a haunting, and very queer spin on it. But either I'm too dumb for it, or it wasn't spelled out well enough, but fairy tales like this always have a "point" or a lesson learned, and not all of them were very clear.
May 21, 2019
There are two stories I liked, some so-so ones, and the rest I won't remember tomorrow.
This book was a hodgepodge. I spent several stories trying to figure out what fairy tale they were supposed to represent and failed. Many of the stories had abrupt or disappointing endings and pointless. I thought that many of the stories were building toward something but then they didn't.
The stories I liked best were "The Daughter Cells" and "Six Boy Coffins." The Daughter Cells started off the book on a great footing. It was a retelling of The Little Mermaid with a big twist and shocking ending. It had a sense of humor that I wasn't expecting. The narrator speaks to the reader in the tone of a conspiratorial friend.
I haven't time to explain to you...There are other books about that sort of thing.
Although I read Grimm's Fairy Tales awhile ago, I did not remember reading The Six Swans or The Twelve Brothers before. "Six Boy Coffins" might have made such an impression on me because it seemed new to me and I couldn't predict where it was going.
As I was reading the stories, I felt like I was left out of a private joke that everyone was getting but me. Ortberg made some weird choices about gender, including male and female characters who debated about who would get to be the husband and who would get to be the wife. Two of her characters in different stories, Paul and Sylvia, were the opposite genders of what their names suggest and I got confused when their pronouns did not match their names. In several stories, she would refer to daughters as "he" instead of "she" and it made the reading needlessly confusing and frustrating. I didn't know if this was all part of some statement on gender fluidity but if it was, I missed the point Ortberg was trying to make.
Overall, I was disappointed by The Merry Spinster. I thought I would see more horror see a twist on more recognizable fairy tales but I got neither. When only a couple of the stories in the collection were worth reading, I wouldn't recommend this book to others.
This book was a hodgepodge. I spent several stories trying to figure out what fairy tale they were supposed to represent and failed. Many of the stories had abrupt or disappointing endings and pointless. I thought that many of the stories were building toward something but then they didn't.
The stories I liked best were "The Daughter Cells" and "Six Boy Coffins." The Daughter Cells started off the book on a great footing. It was a retelling of The Little Mermaid with a big twist and shocking ending. It had a sense of humor that I wasn't expecting. The narrator speaks to the reader in the tone of a conspiratorial friend.
I haven't time to explain to you...There are other books about that sort of thing.
Although I read Grimm's Fairy Tales awhile ago, I did not remember reading The Six Swans or The Twelve Brothers before. "Six Boy Coffins" might have made such an impression on me because it seemed new to me and I couldn't predict where it was going.
As I was reading the stories, I felt like I was left out of a private joke that everyone was getting but me. Ortberg made some weird choices about gender, including male and female characters who debated about who would get to be the husband and who would get to be the wife. Two of her characters in different stories, Paul and Sylvia, were the opposite genders of what their names suggest and I got confused when their pronouns did not match their names. In several stories, she would refer to daughters as "he" instead of "she" and it made the reading needlessly confusing and frustrating. I didn't know if this was all part of some statement on gender fluidity but if it was, I missed the point Ortberg was trying to make.
Overall, I was disappointed by The Merry Spinster. I thought I would see more horror see a twist on more recognizable fairy tales but I got neither. When only a couple of the stories in the collection were worth reading, I wouldn't recommend this book to others.
June 11, 2018
I am definitely not the right audience for this book. I read this on easy mode, skipping two stories that were mostly about animals (and I should have skipped the third, but I didn’t realize in time), and the book still left me feeling slimed and poked in bruised places. It’s just grim, unrelentingly grim, unrelentingly saying, “Hey, did you know there are awful things in the world? There are! And they are so very, very awful.” Many of the stories cover the same (grim) territory, and some of them have no resolution, and I finished most of them sort of regretting I’d read them. (The two exceptions were “Daughter Cells” and “The Six Boy-Coffins.”)
I do like fairytale fic, and that’s what these stories are, but I don’t like one-note stories, let alone one-note collections — and I really don’t like it when that one note is a long, sustained moan of pain. I think I might have liked at least half of these stories if I’d encountered them mixed with other kinds of stories, or on their own, but all together they were at least 12 times too much.
But! If you like grimdark and you like fairytales, this is definitely the collection for you. It’s just so very very much not for me.
I do like fairytale fic, and that’s what these stories are, but I don’t like one-note stories, let alone one-note collections — and I really don’t like it when that one note is a long, sustained moan of pain. I think I might have liked at least half of these stories if I’d encountered them mixed with other kinds of stories, or on their own, but all together they were at least 12 times too much.
But! If you like grimdark and you like fairytales, this is definitely the collection for you. It’s just so very very much not for me.
April 16, 2018
The Merry Spinster: Tales for Everyday Horror by Mallory Ortberg
3.75 stars
Whimsical Writing Scale: 3.75
The Daughter Cells – 3.5 stars
“I can think of a dozen better things I could do with a soul.”
The Thankless Child – 1.5 stars
“To be grateful is to be wakeful and watchful.”
Fear Not: An Incident Log – 5 stars
“The Voice of God, once heard, is not easily unheard.”
The Six-Boy Coffin – >b>5 stars
“If the next child you bear me is a girl, then let the six others die, so that our wealth need not be divided and that she alone may inherit the kingdom.”
The Rabbit – 5 stars
“Can you take the Real out of a boy, then? Can you take his heart into your own self and leave him stuffed with sawdust on the nursery floor in your place?”
The Merry Spinster –3.5 stars
“Everyone belongs to someone. You’re not allowed to belong to yourself.”
The Wedding Party – 1 star
Some of Us Had Been Threatening Mr. Toad – 3.25 stars
“We’ll rescue the poor, unhappy animal! We’ll convert him—why, he’ll be the most converted Toad there ever was by the time we’re done with him.”
Cast Your Bread Upon the Waters – 4.5 stars
“For our story, it all led to sin in the end, and it all began with the listlessness and self-forgetting that comes not from God.”
The Frog Princess – 3 stars
“Beauty is a public good and you are responsible for it.”
Good Fences Make Good Neighbors – 2 stars
Cover Thoughts: I’m living for this cover. When I saw it on Netgalley I was blown away! I love it so much.
Thank you, Netgalley and Holt Paperbacks, for providing me with a copy of this novel in exchange for an honest review.
3.75 stars
Mallory Ortberg’s short story collection focuses on the fairy tales of the past or beloved children stories and twists them into horrifying and shocking heights. I will admit not all the stories in this collection are perfect, but I can’t remember the last time I read so many 5-star short stories in a collection. Ortberg is skilled at telling the story in a way familiar to the reader and then leaving the story with a mouth-dropping ending. The majority of the endings are not horrifying in the usual slasher film sense, but they are creepy in the same way that one knows that something far worse is to come, but it cuts off at just the right time Ortberg is strongest in this suite, but she is also weak in several other areas. I will review each story briefly to better clarify my exact meaning because overall, I think she is a strong writer, but she struggles to gain footing with certain stories and I think this is because she was trying a new approach to writing or a different writing style to emulate the original tales.
Whimsical Writing Scale: 3.75
The Daughter Cells – 3.5 stars
“I can think of a dozen better things I could do with a soul.”
The story of “The Little Mermaid” is famous and beloved my many ‘90s children who experienced the Disney adaptation. However, the original tale is quite dark and I would consider it to border on horror and it is definitely a tragedy. This story takes a delightful turn and the mermaid has more Ursula-like qualities that are quite bone-chilling. I love a good soulless mermaid. My biggest problem with this that it takes a while to gain its footing. The narrative is a little wonky and it isn’t until the mermaid talks to the sea-witch that the story takes a dark turn and was able to capture my attention and make me excited about where it could end. It ends on a high note if you were wondering.
The Thankless Child – 1.5 stars
“To be grateful is to be wakeful and watchful.”
This is a “Cinderella” retelling and I say that very loosely. There is a Godmother who acts as a deity for a household and if I’m being honest, this story is all over the place. I was struggling to follow the plot, the characters, and the point. The purpose of the overall story failed to go anywhere at the end and I was severely letdown. I dislike Cinderella anyway and I generally hold retellings at a higher standard, but this was not well-done. To say the least, I was underwhelmed.
Fear Not: An Incident Log – 5 stars
“The Voice of God, once heard, is not easily unheard.”
This is a retelling of Genesis from the point of the view of the Lord’s Angel. The main focal point is the wrestling match that occurred between Jacob and the Lord’s Angel before he became Israel and the horror and guilt this angel feels even though he swears he feels nothing of the sort. I absolutely loved this story. The writing was superb and I felt like Ortberg’s writing style was shining through. I love Genesis in general, but I really liked seeing a new perspective on it. Highly recommend!
The Six-Boy Coffin – >b>5 stars
“If the next child you bear me is a girl, then let the six others die, so that our wealth need not be divided and that she alone may inherit the kingdom.”
I was destined to love this story because it is based off of “The Six Swans” and my favorite fantasy novel is Daughter of the Forest. This story is so very reminiscent of Sorcha’s plight and her quest to restore her brothers back to humans while being forced into silence that it made me long to reread that wonderful story. However, this is a horror collection and while elements of “The Six Swans” are a little scary this took a delightfully satisfying turn with the last lines and the subtle shift in the main character. I was incredibly impressed by this one and I absolutely loved it.
The Rabbit – 5 stars
“Can you take the Real out of a boy, then? Can you take his heart into your own self and leave him stuffed with sawdust on the nursery floor in your place?”
This is based off the beloved children’s story “The Velveteen Rabbit” and it is hands down my favorite in this collection. “The Rabbit” is easily the most horrifying story in this collection as we see the rabbit’s obsession with becoming Real and taking the life force from a child who loves him. The illnesses the boy faces are horrifying and my stomach was churning thinking about all the toys I’ve owned as a little girl. I was definitely left feeling scared and creeped out.
The Merry Spinster –3.5 stars
“Everyone belongs to someone. You’re not allowed to belong to yourself.”
This is a “Beauty and the Beast” retelling and focuses on a girl who is called Beauty for ironic reasons. She’s plain, unremarkable and insights no inspiration in those around her. Her mother ends up being the one to have her daughter a captor of the Beast or Mr. Beale, a businessman of sorts. This was really promising, but the ending ruined it for me.
The Wedding Party – 1 star
Honestly, I can’t tell you what this story is about. They were talking about “The Goose Girl” at one point and I’m sure it is reminiscent of it in some aspect, but this was just bad. The main character was a complete misogynist who had a strong entitlement and I just couldn’t with him as a narrator. I get that some men are just insufferable and that this was commentary, but I didn’t get the story as a whole so I feel like the social commentary went over my head a bit since I couldn’t see the whole scope of the narrative.
Some of Us Had Been Threatening Mr. Toad – 3.25 stars
“We’ll rescue the poor, unhappy animal! We’ll convert him—why, he’ll be the most converted Toad there ever was by the time we’re done with him.”
This was a unique story with a gruesome twist. It follows a bunch of your average sweet, fluffy talking animals and they are not happy with their friend Mr. Toad. See, Mr. Toad has been stealing things and feeling entitled and they have had enough, so what better way to show him that he needs to repent than by torturing him. The concept was scary, but it is a little off-putting to read from the perspective of this narrator. I feel like it was just easy to get confused about plot points and it took me out the story.
Cast Your Bread Upon the Waters – 4.5 stars
“For our story, it all led to sin in the end, and it all began with the listlessness and self-forgetting that comes not from God.”
This story follows an old mother as she recounts her son’s greatest sin— falling in love with a siren. They struck a bargain that the mother was fine with, but when it started to impose upon her grandchildren she took matters into her own hands. Matthew 5:29-30 “If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30 And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.” The mother definitely stuck to this verse and it was scary.
The Frog Princess – 3 stars
“Beauty is a public good and you are responsible for it.”
This is based off “The Princess and the Frog” and it is an interesting twist, but it is not horrifying by any means. In fact, it felt very out of place in this collection. It was scary or intimidating and I was confused by Ortberg’s pronoun usage because it is never explained or specified and this lead to me thinking there was another character when there wasn’t it. It was a bit of a mess.
Good Fences Make Good Neighbors – 2 stars
This was a frustrating story. I honestly just can’t wrap my head around it being this collection because it wasn’t horrifying. It was frustrating. Human manipulation and being the brunt of someone’s tactics for power is scary, but it needed more.
Overall, The Merry Spinster is a strong collection. It has some fantastic tales, but it also has some complete busts. It’s your typical hit-and-miss short story collection. I just personally found there were more hits than misses for me.
Cover Thoughts: I’m living for this cover. When I saw it on Netgalley I was blown away! I love it so much.
Thank you, Netgalley and Holt Paperbacks, for providing me with a copy of this novel in exchange for an honest review.
November 13, 2017
This review originally appeared on the book review blog: Just One More Pa(i)ge.
I am a huge fan of a retelling. So, seeing this collection of retellings of fairy tales, folk tales and other well-known/traditional stories available for request on NetGalley had me super interested. Needless to say, I was psyched when I got chosen and sent the ARC. I was a little nervous starting to read, because “everyday horror” could mean a lot of things (I totally overlooked that subtitle when originally requesting, as the rest of the description jumped at me first) and I am a giant baby when it comes to scary stories. But these are the perfect type of creepy for me: twisted and dark, instead of full on scary. And I got to read them right in time for Halloween!
Here are some short thoughts on each of the stories:
The Daughter Cells: The way the differences in perspective (between the original Little Mermaid and this retelling) are captured is on point. In general, this was an awesomely gory story to start the collection with.
The Thankless Child: The gender fluidity in the Cinderella retelling was really interesting and I thought that was a fascinating new take. And the uncomfortable focus of the fairy godmother on Paul (our Cinderella character) definitely made this tale a little horrific to read. However, beyond that I am not sure that understood the religious undertones (that were somehow related to salt?) or what the ending meant.
Fear Not: An Incident Log: The angel voice/monologue was a creative point of view. There was definitely a dark humor in carrying out God’s orders as a sort of mundane check the boxes/HR sort of job position. Very original and probably my favorite use of religion in any of the stories.
The Six Boy-Coffins: With details from a couple well known fairy tales (even if you cannot name them, you’ll recognize the elements, like nettle shirts and brothers turned into swans), this was probably my favorite story of the collection! This is a wonderfully horrifying take on the normal “handsome prince marries fair maiden” fairy tale trope, with a lovely feminist commentary on the lack of a no not meaning a yes. And the [well-deserved] lady revenge at the end was awesome! Love this quote: “She was beginning to learn the danger of silence, and that someone who wishes to hear a yes will not go out of his way to listen for a yes.”
The Rabbit: This one likely scared me the most. A sociopathic version of the Velveteen Rabbit, with a very succubus take on what being “Real” in the eyes of a child means. It felt a little like I was reading a stuffed animal version of a pathological killer storyline on a crime show. Yikes! But it was very creative, both in that I’ve never seen this story retold anywhere before, and to be fair it’s not an unreasonable (if still totally dark) reimagining of the original.
The Merry Spinster: The titular story. And sadly not my favorite considering it being based on my favorite ever, Beauty and the Beast. It started out super promising, but by the end I was really confused by the progression of the relationship between Beauty and the “Beast” and the ending. So when I finished I was pretty unsatisfied. However, this quote is pretty much my life: “Instead, she reads books, which did her no good whatever. She was twenty-eight and mostly useless.”
The Wedding Party: The dialogue between the main characters in this story was superb. It was witty, and authentic and creative and I loved it. I also thought the couple unsettling moments between them were well written examples of “everyday” horror. Unfortunately, the rest of the story, like the plot, made very little sense to me. I mean I understood what was happening on the surface, but I don’t think I recognized any of the original tales they were retellings of, which meant I wasn’t getting anything deeper from the story.
Some of Us Had Been Threatening Our Friend Mr. Toad: Whoa. What a sick and twisted story about messing with someone’s head. So much manipulation at the hands of supposed friends – the mind games and intimidation in this story were definitely a bit terrifying.
Cast Your Bread Upon the Waters: Probably my second favorite story overall. This was a cool take on the many siren/mermaid/selkie myths. Really entertaining, with a great gory ending and a big dash of over-righteous father (I mean really, you have to be pretty zealous to do what he did to his own son…yeesh).
The Frog’s Princess: This one definitely had some humor too, like an exaggerated warning story to children about making promises they don’t intend to keep. I also feel like there was a chance something deeper was going on, some kind of societal commentary on the importance we place on beauty (“Beauty is never private.”), but I think exactly what that was went over my head. Regardless, this was a lighthearted sort of gross.
Good Fences Make Good Neighbors: This was a strange amalgamation of a Grimm fairy tale and Frog and Toad. Both of which I like. But the way they are combined here is done very creepily – another really “horrifying in a depressing way” story of manipulation by someone who is supposed to be a friend. It’s well done though and a good way to close the collection.
Finally, a few of my thoughts on the collection as a whole. As I already mentioned, the “everyday horror” was the perfect amount for me: off-putting, but not enough to keep me awake at night. There were religious undertones in a number of the stories and some I enjoyed, but I felt like it happened too often for my enjoyment (keep in mind that I am super atheist and take that with a grain of salt). On the other hand, there were lots of real life phrases dropped in pretty much all the stories, everything from “financial portfolio” to “metal alloys” to “oil-modified urethane finish” and I thought that the jarring juxtaposition of that language with the fairy tale tone used throughout was a great touch. It gave a different sort of spin on the idea of “everyday horror.” One other thing I noticed was that many of the stories had some serious pronoun fluidity and confusion, which I am generally be ok with, but I felt like I couldn’t ever figure out why, what it added to the stories or what message it was supposed to be sending, so I’m not sure how I feel about it in these cases (as far as actually/truly reviewing it). Unless the goal was to just normalize non-traditional pronoun use....in that case - hell yea! Overall, an entertaining collection of super weird retellings and stories inspired from popular tales!
Thanks to NetGalley and that publisher, Henry Holt & Co, for sending me an ARC of this book in exchange for an honest review.
I am a huge fan of a retelling. So, seeing this collection of retellings of fairy tales, folk tales and other well-known/traditional stories available for request on NetGalley had me super interested. Needless to say, I was psyched when I got chosen and sent the ARC. I was a little nervous starting to read, because “everyday horror” could mean a lot of things (I totally overlooked that subtitle when originally requesting, as the rest of the description jumped at me first) and I am a giant baby when it comes to scary stories. But these are the perfect type of creepy for me: twisted and dark, instead of full on scary. And I got to read them right in time for Halloween!
Here are some short thoughts on each of the stories:
The Daughter Cells: The way the differences in perspective (between the original Little Mermaid and this retelling) are captured is on point. In general, this was an awesomely gory story to start the collection with.
The Thankless Child: The gender fluidity in the Cinderella retelling was really interesting and I thought that was a fascinating new take. And the uncomfortable focus of the fairy godmother on Paul (our Cinderella character) definitely made this tale a little horrific to read. However, beyond that I am not sure that understood the religious undertones (that were somehow related to salt?) or what the ending meant.
Fear Not: An Incident Log: The angel voice/monologue was a creative point of view. There was definitely a dark humor in carrying out God’s orders as a sort of mundane check the boxes/HR sort of job position. Very original and probably my favorite use of religion in any of the stories.
The Six Boy-Coffins: With details from a couple well known fairy tales (even if you cannot name them, you’ll recognize the elements, like nettle shirts and brothers turned into swans), this was probably my favorite story of the collection! This is a wonderfully horrifying take on the normal “handsome prince marries fair maiden” fairy tale trope, with a lovely feminist commentary on the lack of a no not meaning a yes. And the [well-deserved] lady revenge at the end was awesome! Love this quote: “She was beginning to learn the danger of silence, and that someone who wishes to hear a yes will not go out of his way to listen for a yes.”
The Rabbit: This one likely scared me the most. A sociopathic version of the Velveteen Rabbit, with a very succubus take on what being “Real” in the eyes of a child means. It felt a little like I was reading a stuffed animal version of a pathological killer storyline on a crime show. Yikes! But it was very creative, both in that I’ve never seen this story retold anywhere before, and to be fair it’s not an unreasonable (if still totally dark) reimagining of the original.
The Merry Spinster: The titular story. And sadly not my favorite considering it being based on my favorite ever, Beauty and the Beast. It started out super promising, but by the end I was really confused by the progression of the relationship between Beauty and the “Beast” and the ending. So when I finished I was pretty unsatisfied. However, this quote is pretty much my life: “Instead, she reads books, which did her no good whatever. She was twenty-eight and mostly useless.”
The Wedding Party: The dialogue between the main characters in this story was superb. It was witty, and authentic and creative and I loved it. I also thought the couple unsettling moments between them were well written examples of “everyday” horror. Unfortunately, the rest of the story, like the plot, made very little sense to me. I mean I understood what was happening on the surface, but I don’t think I recognized any of the original tales they were retellings of, which meant I wasn’t getting anything deeper from the story.
Some of Us Had Been Threatening Our Friend Mr. Toad: Whoa. What a sick and twisted story about messing with someone’s head. So much manipulation at the hands of supposed friends – the mind games and intimidation in this story were definitely a bit terrifying.
Cast Your Bread Upon the Waters: Probably my second favorite story overall. This was a cool take on the many siren/mermaid/selkie myths. Really entertaining, with a great gory ending and a big dash of over-righteous father (I mean really, you have to be pretty zealous to do what he did to his own son…yeesh).
The Frog’s Princess: This one definitely had some humor too, like an exaggerated warning story to children about making promises they don’t intend to keep. I also feel like there was a chance something deeper was going on, some kind of societal commentary on the importance we place on beauty (“Beauty is never private.”), but I think exactly what that was went over my head. Regardless, this was a lighthearted sort of gross.
Good Fences Make Good Neighbors: This was a strange amalgamation of a Grimm fairy tale and Frog and Toad. Both of which I like. But the way they are combined here is done very creepily – another really “horrifying in a depressing way” story of manipulation by someone who is supposed to be a friend. It’s well done though and a good way to close the collection.
Finally, a few of my thoughts on the collection as a whole. As I already mentioned, the “everyday horror” was the perfect amount for me: off-putting, but not enough to keep me awake at night. There were religious undertones in a number of the stories and some I enjoyed, but I felt like it happened too often for my enjoyment (keep in mind that I am super atheist and take that with a grain of salt). On the other hand, there were lots of real life phrases dropped in pretty much all the stories, everything from “financial portfolio” to “metal alloys” to “oil-modified urethane finish” and I thought that the jarring juxtaposition of that language with the fairy tale tone used throughout was a great touch. It gave a different sort of spin on the idea of “everyday horror.” One other thing I noticed was that many of the stories had some serious pronoun fluidity and confusion, which I am generally be ok with, but I felt like I couldn’t ever figure out why, what it added to the stories or what message it was supposed to be sending, so I’m not sure how I feel about it in these cases (as far as actually/truly reviewing it). Unless the goal was to just normalize non-traditional pronoun use....in that case - hell yea! Overall, an entertaining collection of super weird retellings and stories inspired from popular tales!
Thanks to NetGalley and that publisher, Henry Holt & Co, for sending me an ARC of this book in exchange for an honest review.
March 15, 2018
Thanks to Disney's whimsical remakes of capital "R" Romantic folklore, my only childhood exposure to fairytales was cheerful princesses singing their way to happy endings surrounded by industrious animal friends. But we're all adults here. I think by now, we all know these are just sugar-coated versions of some pretty gnarly source material.
The Merry Spinster meets us somewhere in the middle with 11 twisted versions of well known fables and fairy tales that are somehow as playful as they are sinister. The shorts are adapted from Daniel Mallory's series Children's Stories Made Horrific from the temporarily offline The-Toast.net1. It's certainly not required that you know the OG classical versions of the stories to understand what's going on, but it can't hurt (so here they are!) As with any sort of parody, the better the grasp you have on what is being referenced, the more you'll get to wryly smirk to yourself as you read along.
If scary stories aren't really your jam, just know that these aren't necessarily as gruesome as fairy tales of yore (...okay, maybe some are). Rather, they're well-crafted and sly in their horror-- the truly chilling undercurrents are the social mores, the patriarchy, and what we endure in the name of love. This is where Ortberg's particular brand of dry dark comedy really shines through. Much like his debut book, Texts from Jane Eyre: And Other Conversations with Your Favorite Literary Characters, the language and style remain faithful to originals, a truly gritty homage.
Reading through past interviews, I feel like Ortberg's love for the title might be what willed the rest of the book into existence. It's super fitting too: the Merry Spinster archetype may be the only uplifting motif running through these bleak pages. So on that note, here's a quote from the author explaining the concept beautifully:
// I received this book free from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. Quotes are taken from an advanced readers copy and may not be final. Please refer to a finished copy.
// 1. The Toast is dead, long live The Toast...You'd better believe as soon as it's back online I'm linking the shit out of it.
The Merry Spinster meets us somewhere in the middle with 11 twisted versions of well known fables and fairy tales that are somehow as playful as they are sinister. The shorts are adapted from Daniel Mallory's series Children's Stories Made Horrific from the temporarily offline The-Toast.net1. It's certainly not required that you know the OG classical versions of the stories to understand what's going on, but it can't hurt (so here they are!) As with any sort of parody, the better the grasp you have on what is being referenced, the more you'll get to wryly smirk to yourself as you read along.
If scary stories aren't really your jam, just know that these aren't necessarily as gruesome as fairy tales of yore (...okay, maybe some are). Rather, they're well-crafted and sly in their horror-- the truly chilling undercurrents are the social mores, the patriarchy, and what we endure in the name of love. This is where Ortberg's particular brand of dry dark comedy really shines through. Much like his debut book, Texts from Jane Eyre: And Other Conversations with Your Favorite Literary Characters, the language and style remain faithful to originals, a truly gritty homage.
Reading through past interviews, I feel like Ortberg's love for the title might be what willed the rest of the book into existence. It's super fitting too: the Merry Spinster archetype may be the only uplifting motif running through these bleak pages. So on that note, here's a quote from the author explaining the concept beautifully:
"I would always love for my next book to be a light comic novella called The Merry Spinster and to explore those themes of glorious female solitude. I think female solitude is a mental condition as well as a physical state. You can be married and a spinster. I think spinster is an identity every woman can claim, if she will. … I feel like a lot of women, or a lot of feminists, joke about taking to the sea or living alone in a cottage as this kind of fun freedom."
// I received this book free from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. Quotes are taken from an advanced readers copy and may not be final. Please refer to a finished copy.
// 1. The Toast is dead, long live The Toast...You'd better believe as soon as it's back online I'm linking the shit out of it.
May 21, 2018
The Merry Spinster is a collection of 11 fairy tales and other classics retellings with a dark twist to it. This genre intrigues me as I always look forward to dive into these authors' creativity and their interpretations of these well-known fables. Unfortunately, this book did not work for me at all. Of the 11 stories, I only enjoyed 3 of them. I just skread (skim + read: is there such a word? If not, it should be a word, ha!) through the rest of the book. Were there any creepy, haunting twists elements in these stories? Yes. But the confusing storytelling renders this book to be a disappointing and frustrating read. I hope I am not alone on this. This is one of the popular hyped books out there and my opinion is certainly now going to be an unpopular one.
June 21, 2018
I love Mallory Ortberg. I even love apples, but his "Apples Are Bullshit" article from The Toast is one of my favorite articles of all time. It's just so well written. Mmmm.
This is also well written. But I didn't really get this book. I guess it's a take on some fairytales. I must not know them as well as I think I do; or maybe I do, and just didn't find these to be very interesting or clever takes on said fairytales.
Either way, I bet DMO is one of the coolest people to hang out with. I just don't hope that he keeps writing this kind of affected, particular book without much humor. His feminist fairytales and food trolling exploits are way funnier.
Also--how weird is this? I apparently went to college (and am on a GroupMe??) with his editor for this book? Strange.
This is also well written. But I didn't really get this book. I guess it's a take on some fairytales. I must not know them as well as I think I do; or maybe I do, and just didn't find these to be very interesting or clever takes on said fairytales.
Either way, I bet DMO is one of the coolest people to hang out with. I just don't hope that he keeps writing this kind of affected, particular book without much humor. His feminist fairytales and food trolling exploits are way funnier.
Also--how weird is this? I apparently went to college (and am on a GroupMe??) with his editor for this book? Strange.
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