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276 pages, Kindle Edition
First published August 20, 2019
I couldn’t look him in the eye as I spoke because it was too humiliating. My masculinity was at stake when I poured my heart out like this, when I showed my vulnerability. The only person who saw me like this was my wife—and that was already difficult enough.
All my other fuck-a-thons felt hollow and unsatisfying. Sometimes it seemed like I was doing it just to do it…even if I didn’t like it. I didn’t know what else to do with myself. Sometimes I wanted to prove a point…but I had no one to prove it to.
Sex with my wife was the best I’d ever had.
I didn’t want to be a monogamous man hard up for a single woman. I didn’t want the commitment, the mediocre fidelity. But I was happiest with Arwen. I was definitely more satisfied. I could be alone and continue to make a point…but who would care about any of the points I tried to make?
The memory of the other women was long forgotten because it didn’t seem important anymore. It didn’t seem to matter at all—to either of us.