What do you think?
Rate this book
Try Softer: A Fresh Approach to Move Us out of Anxiety, Stress, and Survival Mode--and into a Life of Connection and Joy
"In the wise and soulful tradition of teachers like Shauna Niequist and Brene Brown, therapist Aundi Kolber debuts with Try Softer, helping us align our mind, body, and soul to live the life God created for us. In a world that preaches a "try harder" gospel-just keep going, keep hustling, keep pretending we're all fine-we're left exhausted, overwhelmed, and so numb to our lives. If we're honest, we've been overfunctioning for so long, we can't even imagine another way. How else will things get done? How else will we survive? It doesn't have to be this way. Aundi Kolber believes that we don't have to white-knuckle our way through life. In her debut book, Try Softer, she'll show us how God specifically designed our bodies and minds to work together to process our stories and work through obstacles. Through the latest psychology, practical clinical exercises, and her own personal story, Aundi equips and empowers us to connect us to our truest self and truly live. This is the "try softer" life. In Try Softer, you'll learn how - Know and set emotional and relational boundaries - Make sense of the difficult experiences you've had - Identify your attachment style-and how that affects your relationships today - Move through emotions rather than get stuck by them - Grow in self-compassion and talk back to your inner critic Trying softer is sacred work. And while it won't be perfect or easy, it will be worth it. Because this is what we were made a living, breathing, moving, feeling, connected, beautifully incarnational life"--
256 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 7, 2020
1,912 people are currently reading
13.1k people want to read
About the author
Aundi Kolber
8 books235 followersHi there, I’m Aundi.
Here are some things that might be helpful for you to know about me:
I am a deep thinker and deep feeler. Sometimes I get bored with small talk. I love stories, people, counseling, theology and my precious family. I find myself constantly amazed by God’s faithfulness in my life. I write, think, and chew on this often. I believe that Jesus is my ultimate hope and healer.
I am a licensed professional counselor in Castle Rock, CO and attended Denver Seminary for my graduate education. I am married to the love of my life and have a daughter and son who are the joy of my heart.
My work has been featured on Relevant, CT Women, The Huffington Post, The Mudroom, Happy Sonship and Circling the Story.
Here are some things that might be helpful for you to know about me:
I am a deep thinker and deep feeler. Sometimes I get bored with small talk. I love stories, people, counseling, theology and my precious family. I find myself constantly amazed by God’s faithfulness in my life. I write, think, and chew on this often. I believe that Jesus is my ultimate hope and healer.
I am a licensed professional counselor in Castle Rock, CO and attended Denver Seminary for my graduate education. I am married to the love of my life and have a daughter and son who are the joy of my heart.
My work has been featured on Relevant, CT Women, The Huffington Post, The Mudroom, Happy Sonship and Circling the Story.
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 960 reviews
December 20, 2019
This book feels like an in-depth therapy session from a knowledgeable counselor. The first part is informational, talking about parts of your brain and how they process trauma, overwhelming or uncomfortable situations, and triggers. It talks about our Window of Tolerance and the importance and benefit of boundaries. The second part contains exercises to help us connect with our bodies, brains, and emotions. They can help keep us in tune with ourselves and find growth and healing in our lives. I appreciated the wisdom and the vulnerability Aundi shares through her book. While I don’t personally have much trauma to deal with, I still found some helpful information and exercises in the book.
January 14, 2020
Recently I had a day when I felt deeply unmotivated and tired. I wasn't depressed or anxious, just lacking the drive to do anything much other than watch TV.
In the past, I would have been unkind to myself on days like this. I would have pushed hard, knuckled down, ignored whatever my body and soul were trying to tell me, and forced myself to just get things done.
That day, however, I decided to be gentle to myself instead and I moved slowly, only working on those things that I felt enough natural push to get behind. By the end of the day I had tidied the house, watched some TV, prepared food for myself and the family, worked on a few odds and ends, and put away the Christmas decorations... which probably sounds like a full enough day anyway. But I did it slowly and gently, at a pace that felt kind to myself.
The next day, I felt full of motivation and drive once again. In the past, I might have analyzed this situation and said, "See? You just needed to push yourself and now you're fine." But the fact that I refused to push myself and still felt "normal" the next day betrayed that as a falsehood. Not only did I feel more "normal" the next day but I also felt grateful to myself rather than resentful.
When I speak of being gentle, I'm not talking about being lazy or slovenly, eating garbage and watching junk. I'm talking about listening to your body, soul and spirit, and treating yourself with enough love to give yourself what it is you need.
If your body, soul or spirit are pushing back against you, you may need to check into those things. Are you a wise and kind ruler of yourself, or are you a tyrant?
The process of how to get to know yourself, how to slow down, listen to body, soul and spirit and attune to the needs, fears, desires and traumas within, and start to move towards healing... is what Aundi Kolber's Try Softer is all about. It has literally changed my life and I am indebted to her. If you are a human being, you should consider getting this book and reading it for all its worth. I cannot recommend it highly enough.
In the past, I would have been unkind to myself on days like this. I would have pushed hard, knuckled down, ignored whatever my body and soul were trying to tell me, and forced myself to just get things done.
That day, however, I decided to be gentle to myself instead and I moved slowly, only working on those things that I felt enough natural push to get behind. By the end of the day I had tidied the house, watched some TV, prepared food for myself and the family, worked on a few odds and ends, and put away the Christmas decorations... which probably sounds like a full enough day anyway. But I did it slowly and gently, at a pace that felt kind to myself.
The next day, I felt full of motivation and drive once again. In the past, I might have analyzed this situation and said, "See? You just needed to push yourself and now you're fine." But the fact that I refused to push myself and still felt "normal" the next day betrayed that as a falsehood. Not only did I feel more "normal" the next day but I also felt grateful to myself rather than resentful.
When I speak of being gentle, I'm not talking about being lazy or slovenly, eating garbage and watching junk. I'm talking about listening to your body, soul and spirit, and treating yourself with enough love to give yourself what it is you need.
If your body, soul or spirit are pushing back against you, you may need to check into those things. Are you a wise and kind ruler of yourself, or are you a tyrant?
The process of how to get to know yourself, how to slow down, listen to body, soul and spirit and attune to the needs, fears, desires and traumas within, and start to move towards healing... is what Aundi Kolber's Try Softer is all about. It has literally changed my life and I am indebted to her. If you are a human being, you should consider getting this book and reading it for all its worth. I cannot recommend it highly enough.
March 11, 2021
Absolute game changer of a book. I'm most definitely still processing but I would say this book gave me more to think about relating to marriage, parenting and outside the house pressures. I am a Reformed Christian and that can frequently be defined as more "cold" and even really hard on one's self. It's hard to process life sometimes when you feel like you *should* be perfected far more rapidly than is actually possible.
This book helped explain emotions, brain function, processing skills in a super helpful, very attainable way. Definitely going down as one of my Top Reads of 2021 and I'd recommend it for a good think.
This book helped explain emotions, brain function, processing skills in a super helpful, very attainable way. Definitely going down as one of my Top Reads of 2021 and I'd recommend it for a good think.
August 30, 2022
Alright. It is usually hard for me to get through “self-help” books. But after much encouragement from a dear friend, I went ahead and gave this book a try. The idea of trying softer, of paying compassionate attention, of honoring our stories… is changing how I view so many things. Rather than approach our emotions and stories with shame, negative self-talk, and white-knuckling, what does it look like to try… a little softer? To practice grace with ourselves, knowing we have received abundant grace already, and the more we give ourselves grace, the more readily available we are to give it to others.
This book gives actual, TANGIBLE tools to use. I bookmarked almost every chapter to go back to for when I need it. THANKS AUNDI!
“As a trauma informed therapist, I don’t consider stories to simply be abstract concepts or ethereal ideas, but instead the neurobiological framework through which we experience life-for better or for worse. Simply put, stories- or the compilation of events, emotions, sensations, ideas, and relationships we’ve experienced- are held in our minds and bodies, and they affect how we see the world.”
“God doesn’t always save us from the consequences of our actions. But He doesn’t celebrate our pain either. He doesn’t ask us to minimize or pretend it isn’t there. Instead, He offers His love and unending compassion as we walk through whatever we’re facing.”
God is a curator and keeper of stories. Psalm 56:8-9
This book gives actual, TANGIBLE tools to use. I bookmarked almost every chapter to go back to for when I need it. THANKS AUNDI!
“As a trauma informed therapist, I don’t consider stories to simply be abstract concepts or ethereal ideas, but instead the neurobiological framework through which we experience life-for better or for worse. Simply put, stories- or the compilation of events, emotions, sensations, ideas, and relationships we’ve experienced- are held in our minds and bodies, and they affect how we see the world.”
“God doesn’t always save us from the consequences of our actions. But He doesn’t celebrate our pain either. He doesn’t ask us to minimize or pretend it isn’t there. Instead, He offers His love and unending compassion as we walk through whatever we’re facing.”
God is a curator and keeper of stories. Psalm 56:8-9
January 17, 2023
Try Softer is filled to the brim with practical and gentle ways to learn about yourself, your relationships, and possibly trauma that affects how you relate to the world.
Aundi Kolber is a licensed professional counselor who knows the pain of past trauma. Her expertise on the subject lets us know we can trust her and her studies and research show us the science and psychology behind her approach.
I would recommend this book to anyone who is trying to move through the world in a healthier and more mindful way, or to anyone who has experienced pain or trauma and is searching for ways to heal.
Aundi Kolber is a licensed professional counselor who knows the pain of past trauma. Her expertise on the subject lets us know we can trust her and her studies and research show us the science and psychology behind her approach.
I would recommend this book to anyone who is trying to move through the world in a healthier and more mindful way, or to anyone who has experienced pain or trauma and is searching for ways to heal.
January 18, 2024
An excellent primer for understanding the connections between our brains and our bodies with regards to anxiety, trauma, and dissociation.
It's an easy read, with case study examples and the author's own story used periodically to illustrate points. It leans more encouraging and less clinical. Though there are good clinical definitions for things, I didn't find it to be as difficult to read as The Body Keeps the Score (now there's a book you need a little bit more emotional bandwidth to process).
I particularly liked the simple explanations of the fight, flight, faun and freeze responses to threat, as well as the brief overview of attachment theory. Finally, I reached the chapter on emotions and I decided I needed to buy the book. Most of this is not new content, but I found myself making very helpful connections to the season of life and healing that I am currently in. I also know I'll be using this as a resource for my job in the years to come.
It's an easy read, with case study examples and the author's own story used periodically to illustrate points. It leans more encouraging and less clinical. Though there are good clinical definitions for things, I didn't find it to be as difficult to read as The Body Keeps the Score (now there's a book you need a little bit more emotional bandwidth to process).
I particularly liked the simple explanations of the fight, flight, faun and freeze responses to threat, as well as the brief overview of attachment theory. Finally, I reached the chapter on emotions and I decided I needed to buy the book. Most of this is not new content, but I found myself making very helpful connections to the season of life and healing that I am currently in. I also know I'll be using this as a resource for my job in the years to come.
March 4, 2024
finally finished listening to this!! I’ll need to revisit it one day when I have time to use the workbook too. This book made me think so much about things I’d never considered before related to emotions… such an important message, would recommend to everyone!!
January 14, 2025
This book is a quick read if you want it to be, but also has great activities and practices that slow it down. I found lots of it redundant, but I think it is because the dialogue Aundi Kolber is trying to teach us to use is one that is contrary to what we have internalized to believe. The premise of this book is instead of trying harder, try softer. Be compassionate with yourself, which starts with understanding yourself and validating what you find. She incorporated some Scripture, but used far more principles from the Word to illustrate her points. Her book highlights that our bodies and minds are not isolated in their experiences and one is not superior to the other. Trying softer does not mean it will be easier, in fact, there is more reflective and thoughtful work to be done when we decide to break the unhealthy paradigms we live in. I really enjoy books that talk about psychology in accessible terms and this one shows how our development (and even pre-memory era) will affect our attachments and relationships with ourself and others. Good read!
August 12, 2021
Finally got through with Try Softer. In life with keep going, keep pushing and when we are tired we pretend nothing is wrong. So comes in the Try Softer. God wants more for us. He wants us to come to him and not to have a crazy lives with the responsibilities of life over taken us to we are so overwhelmed that we can't function any longer. Aundi Kolber shows us how to have God peace in our lives and how to overcome the stress that life can give up. Now I felt this book a little technical for me, but I did really enjoy it and I did get a lot out of it. Christ wants more for us and I was reminded how much with this book. I recommend this book to everyone especially for those who are over stressed and don't know where to turn!!
February 19, 2023
Much like when I read Girl, Wash Your Face: Stop Believing the Lies about Who You Are So You Can Become Who You Were Meant to Be, I think this might be more of a right-time-right-place reaction from me. I've been working through some big emotions recently and listening to a chapter of this book a day gave me some helpful techniques and ideas for exploring anxiety in my life and those around me.
That said...it sometimes felt about as theological as reading The Message or Jesus Calling. It offered words of grace and comfort that were needed in the moment. And to give it credit, it also provided some techniques that I might return to. But I also think I am going to forget it.
That said...it sometimes felt about as theological as reading The Message or Jesus Calling. It offered words of grace and comfort that were needed in the moment. And to give it credit, it also provided some techniques that I might return to. But I also think I am going to forget it.
January 20, 2023
Insightful and practical read. I'm looking forward to her next book, Strong Like Water.
Read
May 29, 2023This book gives really great advice and feels like you’re sitting in a counselor’s office. Biggg advocate of counseling here ✋🏻. She gives common and good techniques like grounding, setting boundaries, and did she call it something like being aware of your window of tolerance? I think that’s right. Very helpful for anxiety. It definitely leans more towards counseling advice than deep-diving biblically. I felt myself being resistant to some of the ways that I should speak to myself because I felt it was a tad cheesy, but hey, you know what they say, maybe you should pay attention to the things you resist because it’s actually what you need. Bet.
February 15, 2022
This is a gentle and helpful primer for Christians to become trauma-informed. With lots of exercises and ideas for personal growth and attunement, as well as bits of relevant research, I know I will recommend this especially to people who are looking to go deeper to understand their own mental health or that of someone they love but are perhaps not ready to commit to counseling and also those looking to change the stigma of mental health in the church. (PS - this book is not therapy, but it is so helpful when there are resources that help support the therapeutic process and our spiritual walk.)
December 29, 2024
This was the right book for me at this very moment. She does a wonderful job explaining how our minds and bodies are deeply and spiritually connected and how you cannot have one without the other. Felt hopeful and practical. Really glad I read this book and will take its encouragement into the New Year with me.
January 21, 2024
This was such a great book! I really needed to hear some of this information.
Goodies:
- Counselors should never work harder than their clients.
- Personal growth is a process, not an event.
- The way we do something is as important as what we do.
- Listen to the physical signals your body is giving to you.
- Don’t push your trauma down; acknowledge it. Big T and little t. Don’t pretend it didn’t happen.
- Don’t strive for perfection. Strive for humility and awareness.
- When we reach stability, it can seem like things fall apart, but this is the time when your mind actually lets you process all that was blocked out during the hard times.
- It’s brave to ask for help.
- Your body is not you. It is a physical expression of you.
- It’s okay to take in just a bit at a time then take a break.
- Know and remain in your window of tolerance
- Guilt = I did something bad; Shame = I am bad
Daily affirmations:
I am safe. I can make choices. I am capable. I am lovable. I am valuable. I am in process. I can set boundaries.
Biggest concept gleaned:
Emotions add texture to our lives. They are the feedback to our interactions. They are the balance to the cerebral brain. If we don’t learn to identify what we’re feeling, we won’t have the right vocabulary to label what is going on within us. Can you imagine what it would be like without emotions? Naming your emotion can calm your brain. Happy, amused, carefree, cheerful, excited, exhilarated, giddy, grateful, joyful, loved, merry, optimistic, relaxed, satisfied, thrilled, tranquil, upbeat, sad, blue, burdened, depressed, despondent, disappointed, discouraged, drained, gloomy, grief-stricken, hopeless, lonely, melancholic, pensive, remorseful, troubled, weary, anger, agitated, aggravated, bitter, brooding, cranky, cross, defensive, frustrated, furious, hostile, impatient, rebellious, resentful, scorned, testy, upset, fearful, afraid, alarmed, antsy, anxious, despairing, cautious, frightened, helpless, hesitant, insecure, nervous, rattled, stressed, tense, worried, surprised, astonished, confused, curious, delighted, enchanted, horrified, incredulous, impressed, inquisitive, intrigued, mystified, puzzled, shocked, skeptical, startled, wary, disgusted, cynical, disillusioned, disturbed, embarrassed, exasperated, fed up, humiliated, jaded, jealous, offended, outraged, repulsed, revulsed, scandalized, sickened, smug. Do you even know what all these emotions mean? Do you know how to define what you’re feeling? Do you know how to listen and understand when someone is defining their emotions?
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Trying softer isn’t a destination, but a way to journey forward.
“I don’t want to end up simply having visited this world.”
…I want to do more than survive.
Goodies:
- Counselors should never work harder than their clients.
- Personal growth is a process, not an event.
- The way we do something is as important as what we do.
- Listen to the physical signals your body is giving to you.
- Don’t push your trauma down; acknowledge it. Big T and little t. Don’t pretend it didn’t happen.
- Don’t strive for perfection. Strive for humility and awareness.
- When we reach stability, it can seem like things fall apart, but this is the time when your mind actually lets you process all that was blocked out during the hard times.
- It’s brave to ask for help.
- Your body is not you. It is a physical expression of you.
- It’s okay to take in just a bit at a time then take a break.
- Know and remain in your window of tolerance
- Guilt = I did something bad; Shame = I am bad
Daily affirmations:
I am safe. I can make choices. I am capable. I am lovable. I am valuable. I am in process. I can set boundaries.
Biggest concept gleaned:
Emotions add texture to our lives. They are the feedback to our interactions. They are the balance to the cerebral brain. If we don’t learn to identify what we’re feeling, we won’t have the right vocabulary to label what is going on within us. Can you imagine what it would be like without emotions? Naming your emotion can calm your brain. Happy, amused, carefree, cheerful, excited, exhilarated, giddy, grateful, joyful, loved, merry, optimistic, relaxed, satisfied, thrilled, tranquil, upbeat, sad, blue, burdened, depressed, despondent, disappointed, discouraged, drained, gloomy, grief-stricken, hopeless, lonely, melancholic, pensive, remorseful, troubled, weary, anger, agitated, aggravated, bitter, brooding, cranky, cross, defensive, frustrated, furious, hostile, impatient, rebellious, resentful, scorned, testy, upset, fearful, afraid, alarmed, antsy, anxious, despairing, cautious, frightened, helpless, hesitant, insecure, nervous, rattled, stressed, tense, worried, surprised, astonished, confused, curious, delighted, enchanted, horrified, incredulous, impressed, inquisitive, intrigued, mystified, puzzled, shocked, skeptical, startled, wary, disgusted, cynical, disillusioned, disturbed, embarrassed, exasperated, fed up, humiliated, jaded, jealous, offended, outraged, repulsed, revulsed, scandalized, sickened, smug. Do you even know what all these emotions mean? Do you know how to define what you’re feeling? Do you know how to listen and understand when someone is defining their emotions?
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Trying softer isn’t a destination, but a way to journey forward.
“I don’t want to end up simply having visited this world.”
…I want to do more than survive.
May 4, 2022
Love the title. Love the idea of acknowledging limits, being gentle with oneself and slowing down. 10 stars to paying attention to the real world outside our heads. Lots of interesting parts about the brain and what happens when we're stressed out, in grief, or maxed out.
That being said, I don't think I'd recommend this title for someone looking to learn about the brain, recovery, or connection. Felt like the trademarked Christian Woman's Conference edition of Boundaries. 🤷🏼♀️
That being said, I don't think I'd recommend this title for someone looking to learn about the brain, recovery, or connection. Felt like the trademarked Christian Woman's Conference edition of Boundaries. 🤷🏼♀️
August 26, 2023
Praise God for healing & tangible proof of it.
I read this in college & it didn’t make any sense, it just felt too gentle + too kind. Just now finishing it again, I am beyond grateful for Aundi’s words on God’s compassion & how we can also treat our own stories with that same compassion.
I read this in college & it didn’t make any sense, it just felt too gentle + too kind. Just now finishing it again, I am beyond grateful for Aundi’s words on God’s compassion & how we can also treat our own stories with that same compassion.
July 2, 2023
“Try Softer” is the book I didn’t know I needed. Paired with the guided journal, it gives off therapy vibes. Although it reads easy, it is not an easy read. As a therapist, the author provides and explains complex information (i.e. attachment theories, window of tolerance, boundaries) in an easy-to-digest way, and each chapter ends with questions to process.
The guided journal, if purchased, has workbook pages about the chapters to help dig a bit deeper.
I personally used my book in therapy sessions with my counselor to continue to process the things I wrote. It took me months to read because each chapter was so rich and thought-provoking. I would highly recommend!
The guided journal, if purchased, has workbook pages about the chapters to help dig a bit deeper.
I personally used my book in therapy sessions with my counselor to continue to process the things I wrote. It took me months to read because each chapter was so rich and thought-provoking. I would highly recommend!
July 20, 2023
4.5 ✨— I’ll definitely be purchasing a copy of this in the future to lend out to friends. A really straightforward and gentle primer on a lot of what goes on in therapy and a sweet theology of a God who wants us to be at home in our bodies and our stories.
January 16, 2024
4.5 stars. The first half I loved so much but I didn't like the second part as well.
October 3, 2022
Words I would use to describe this book: hopeful, practical, and kind.
This was just what I needed to read! I have learned so much from this book about my window of tolerance, how to process emotions, and how to grow in resilience. Andi shares some of her own story as well as practical ways to try softer. There are suggested exercises at the end of each chapter. She writes in such a kind, compassionate way, I came away from reading her book feeling hopeful and encouraged! Highly recommend!
This was just what I needed to read! I have learned so much from this book about my window of tolerance, how to process emotions, and how to grow in resilience. Andi shares some of her own story as well as practical ways to try softer. There are suggested exercises at the end of each chapter. She writes in such a kind, compassionate way, I came away from reading her book feeling hopeful and encouraged! Highly recommend!
March 12, 2024
If you think you should read this book, you should! Changed me. Will have to go back to it again and again.
June 30, 2023
This book took me a long time to get through but because of all the wonderful and hard things in it. Thankful for it and I think it will for sure be a re-read so many good nuggets I need to revisit.
May 8, 2023
For most readers, this book could be finished in a weekend. I, however, took FOREVER to finish it because I felt the need to commit a lot of the content to memory and really study the research and coping strategies presented by Aundi Kolber. This book was recommended to me (read: assigned to me) by my therapist and I found it wildly helpful.
It’s written for people who have been taught that emotions are weakness, even sinful, and that you need to bottle up your feelings and white-knuckle your way through life. This book proposes that instead of continually telling ourselves to “try harder,” we “try softer.” Some sections are so meaty and chock-full of information you have to reread a few times to fully absorb all of the information, whereas other parts are VERY skimmable/skippable.
I would recommend this book if you are interested in learning more about:
- anxiety and its connection to our nervous system
- effects of trauma (however big or small)
- attachment styles (secure, anxious-ambivalent, avoidant, and disorganized attachment)
- unhealthy vs healthy boundaries learned in childhood
- grounding and mindfulness strategies
- a comprehensive list of feelings to help you “name it to tame it”
- God’s role in our anxiety, trauma, and healing
It’s written for people who have been taught that emotions are weakness, even sinful, and that you need to bottle up your feelings and white-knuckle your way through life. This book proposes that instead of continually telling ourselves to “try harder,” we “try softer.” Some sections are so meaty and chock-full of information you have to reread a few times to fully absorb all of the information, whereas other parts are VERY skimmable/skippable.
I would recommend this book if you are interested in learning more about:
- anxiety and its connection to our nervous system
- effects of trauma (however big or small)
- attachment styles (secure, anxious-ambivalent, avoidant, and disorganized attachment)
- unhealthy vs healthy boundaries learned in childhood
- grounding and mindfulness strategies
- a comprehensive list of feelings to help you “name it to tame it”
- God’s role in our anxiety, trauma, and healing
June 23, 2023
Oh my heart and soul. This book was recommended to me by a coworker and I took my sweet time getting around to reading it, but man oh man did this book hit me at just the right time. Aundi Kolber speaks simultaneously to my exhausted 25 year old self desperate for change, my over-achieving 17 year old self hopelessly devoted to her grades, and my terrified 9 year old self aching for her parent’s attention. This book made me laugh, cry, gasp, reflect, and even ruminate. I will definitely be coming back to this book as a resource. I’m excited to be on a journey to try softer in all aspects of my life, bit by bit. Not sure exactly where I’m going but I’m on my way.
September 8, 2021
I’m confident this book will help people. To read such kind and compassionate words about trauma and it’s long-term effects was refreshing. She includes God and scripture as the Healer, but doesn’t suggest that struggling faith is the reason for lack of healing. She covers the science behind the brain and how trauma affects its development, which I thought strengthened her approach. I loved this book.
April 20, 2021
This book marries faith and modern day therapy strategies so well. She brings science and brain research into the faith space where often the church has encouraged us to just “pray more”. A great read!
December 31, 2022
This is just an amazing book. As a counsellor, I have read many more books that go to great lengths to summarize what this book puts forth so beautifully in compassionate and accessible language. Written from a trauma-informed lens at the intersection of the Christian faith and mental health care, therapist Aundi Kolber graciously illustrates the importance of trying softer, of honouring our story and pain, and of living out of the grace Christ has extended to us. This is a book that is for everyone, and is such a great introduction to many therapeutic topics as well such as attachment styles, brain physiology and how this interacts with anxiety and trauma responses, psychoeducation on your window of tolerance, somatic and emotionally focused work, and so much more. I would recommend this to anyone looking to learn more about mental health, trauma and how faith intersects with these topics. I know I will be referencing this book plenty in the future.
July 19, 2024
I was pleasantly surprised to find this book is far from one long pep talk, but more like a hundred therapy sessions strung together. It was recommended to me by my counselor at just the right time, and I will be referencing it and practicing its work for a long while. With a combination of clinical explanations, practical strategies, and invitations for compassionate attention, I’ve been reminded over and over that the deepest parts of us are beloved, worthy, and capable of growth. I’m so glad to have this resource and recommend it to anyone who feels it difficult to live life with gentleness, faith and self-love.
March 20, 2025
2025: This was a re-read for me, since I've assigned it to my students as a required additional reading for the course and then I've used the opportunity to re-read it myself. Insightful, therapeutic, and life-giving. Really appriciate the way the author integrates faith & therapeutic work. Great read!
2022: If the white-knuckling and being hard on ourselves would get us where we want to be, why aren't we there yet? What if we would try softer instead of trying harder? The author did a wonderful job in combining the stories from her personal and professional life as a therapist with the research-based approaches such as self-compassion, mindfulness and practices that will help you heal your attachment wounds. What makes this book unique is the way author connects all of that with God's love and care for us and her passion for Jesus. As you are reading the book, you would really feel the softness of the author's heart and desire for all of us to Try Softer. Highly recommended read to anyone & must read for therapists or care professionals.
2022: If the white-knuckling and being hard on ourselves would get us where we want to be, why aren't we there yet? What if we would try softer instead of trying harder? The author did a wonderful job in combining the stories from her personal and professional life as a therapist with the research-based approaches such as self-compassion, mindfulness and practices that will help you heal your attachment wounds. What makes this book unique is the way author connects all of that with God's love and care for us and her passion for Jesus. As you are reading the book, you would really feel the softness of the author's heart and desire for all of us to Try Softer. Highly recommended read to anyone & must read for therapists or care professionals.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 960 reviews