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Breathers: A Zombie's Lament
For fans of Chuck Palahniuk and Christopher Moore, a hilarious debut novel about life (and love) after death.
Meet Andy Warner, a recently deceased everyman and newly minted zombie. Resented by his parents, abandoned by his friends, and reviled by a society that no longer considers him human, Andy is having a bit of trouble adjusting to his new existence.
But all that changes when he goes to an Undead Anonymous meeting and finds kindred souls in Rita, an impossibly sexy recent suicide with a taste for the formaldehyde in cosmetic products, and Jerry, a twenty-one-year-old car-crash victim with an exposed brain and a penchant for Renaissance pornography.
When the group meets a rogue zombie who teaches them the joys of human flesh, things start to get messy, and Andy embarks on a journey of self-discovery that will take him from his casket to the SPCA to a media-driven class-action lawsuit on behalf of the rights of zombies everywhere.
Darkly funny, surprisingly touching, and gory enough to satisfy even the most discerning zombie fan, Breathers is a dark comedy and social satire about life, or undeath, through the eyes of an ordinary zombie. It's Fight Club meets Shaun of the Dead , only with the zombies as the good guys.
Meet Andy Warner, a recently deceased everyman and newly minted zombie. Resented by his parents, abandoned by his friends, and reviled by a society that no longer considers him human, Andy is having a bit of trouble adjusting to his new existence.
But all that changes when he goes to an Undead Anonymous meeting and finds kindred souls in Rita, an impossibly sexy recent suicide with a taste for the formaldehyde in cosmetic products, and Jerry, a twenty-one-year-old car-crash victim with an exposed brain and a penchant for Renaissance pornography.
When the group meets a rogue zombie who teaches them the joys of human flesh, things start to get messy, and Andy embarks on a journey of self-discovery that will take him from his casket to the SPCA to a media-driven class-action lawsuit on behalf of the rights of zombies everywhere.
Darkly funny, surprisingly touching, and gory enough to satisfy even the most discerning zombie fan, Breathers is a dark comedy and social satire about life, or undeath, through the eyes of an ordinary zombie. It's Fight Club meets Shaun of the Dead , only with the zombies as the good guys.
310 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2009
About the author
S.G. Browne
27 books432 followersS.G. Browne is the author of the novels Less Than Hero, Big Egos, Lucky Bastard, Fated, and Breathers, as well as the eBook short story collection Shooting Monkeys in a Barrel and the heartwarming holiday tale I Saw Zombies Eating Santa Claus. His new short story collection, Lost Creatures, blends fantasy, science fiction, dark comedy, and magical realism.
He's an ice cream connoisseur, Guinness aficionado, cat enthusiast, and a sucker for dark comedies. You can learn more about S.G. Browne and his writing at www.sgbrowne.com
He's an ice cream connoisseur, Guinness aficionado, cat enthusiast, and a sucker for dark comedies. You can learn more about S.G. Browne and his writing at www.sgbrowne.com
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 748 reviews
June 16, 2023
A little tribute to my zombie-nostalgia and good old days when Walking Dead was an actually good show. Zombie-rights movement along with a graphic cannibalism creates a grotesque story. Add dark sarcastic humor and Christopher Moor's vibes and you get funny but a bit disturbing comedy.
August 12, 2021
this book has one of the best titles and covers i've seen all year, so i had to buy it. and i'm glad it was so much fun, because i'm such a sucker for pretty covers that sometimes i get burned. but not this time! you can buy this and be assured that it will be funny and thoughtful and moving and undead. and if you don't like it, just rip the cover off and frame it, i don't care.
come to my blog!
come to my blog!
August 22, 2009
I don't think I'll be eating ribs in any barbecue joints in the near future after reading this.
Andy was killed in a car wreck along with his wife. But like a small percentage of the population, he reanimates as a decaying zombie. He quickly learns that he has no civil rights. He has to live in his parent's wine cellar, and he isn't allowed to see or contact his daughter. It's against the law for him to do simple things like logging on to the Internet or go to the movies. He's harrassed and pelted with food by the living (Breathers) if he even tries to take a walk, and zombies are routinely attacked by thrill seekers and drunken frat boys.
Stuck in the basement drinking wine he can't really taste and watching television, his only other entertainment is his zombie support group where he meets the lovely (but very dead) Rita. Andy and his fellow zombies soon run across Ray, another one of the undead, who shows them the secret to reclaiming their lives and their dignity.
This was a terrific twist on a zombie story. I never thought I could feel sympathy for the living dead, but even as a Breather, I found Andy's story touching and sometimes heartbreaking. The black humor had me laughing out loud even as my skin crawled.
A very original concept with great writing. I've seen a lot of reviews compare it to Chuck Palahniuk novel, and I'd agree that there are some similarities to the best of Chuck P. However, I think that's selling S.G. Browne short. He's done something unique and creative here that's all his own.
Andy was killed in a car wreck along with his wife. But like a small percentage of the population, he reanimates as a decaying zombie. He quickly learns that he has no civil rights. He has to live in his parent's wine cellar, and he isn't allowed to see or contact his daughter. It's against the law for him to do simple things like logging on to the Internet or go to the movies. He's harrassed and pelted with food by the living (Breathers) if he even tries to take a walk, and zombies are routinely attacked by thrill seekers and drunken frat boys.
Stuck in the basement drinking wine he can't really taste and watching television, his only other entertainment is his zombie support group where he meets the lovely (but very dead) Rita. Andy and his fellow zombies soon run across Ray, another one of the undead, who shows them the secret to reclaiming their lives and their dignity.
This was a terrific twist on a zombie story. I never thought I could feel sympathy for the living dead, but even as a Breather, I found Andy's story touching and sometimes heartbreaking. The black humor had me laughing out loud even as my skin crawled.
A very original concept with great writing. I've seen a lot of reviews compare it to Chuck Palahniuk novel, and I'd agree that there are some similarities to the best of Chuck P. However, I think that's selling S.G. Browne short. He's done something unique and creative here that's all his own.
April 13, 2009
Pretty good, it kind of lost it's luster towards the end. If you have never been worried about how many maggots are in your socks then you probably wouldn't understand.
February 19, 2022
Not your typical Zombie story. It was enjoyable.
June 29, 2009
Let me flip to a random page of "Breathers" and see how long it takes me to find a lame joke....
Here we go, "If you've never been in a room full of zombies eating freshly cooked pieces of human flesh, then you probably wouldn't understand."
That took four flips, and I was having bad luck.
That phrase comes up a lot, the whole, "Then you probably wouldn't understand." It's one of the many touches in the book lifted pretty shamelessly from Chuck Palahniuk. I think Chuck Palahniuk has inspired about as many terrible first person narratives as Tarantino did bad student films about wise-cracking gangsters.
Putting aside the stylistic borrowing, the main issue with this book is that S.G. Browne just isn't funny. His jokes fall flat, his witticisms aren't witty, and the book practically smells from the flop-sweat of him trying too damn hard. There's so many pop culture references I felt like I was watching "The Soup" or one of those "Best Week Ever" shows. He's trying really hard to shock and be clever and after a while it felt almost awkward to read.
The paper-thin characterization didn't help either. There are a few fully realized, interesting characters but they're mostly on the fringe. The central cast are either devoid of distinguishing traits or flat stereotypes. The main character suffers the worst, appearing to be a little more than a cipher for the author. He makes more snide, metrosexual comments about fashion and cooking that Patrick Batemen in American Psycho, and that's the only thing that stands out. God, look what he just made me do!
Some of the drama is halfway decent, the discussions of dying and rebirth are interesting, but on some level I just couldn't suspend disbelief long enough to get into it. I just don't think humanity would react to zombies like it was a civil rights issue. It would probably be a straight up geekshow if anything.
He gets an extra star for some of the details and the world-building, but this feels like amateur hour that stumbled into print.
Here we go, "If you've never been in a room full of zombies eating freshly cooked pieces of human flesh, then you probably wouldn't understand."
That took four flips, and I was having bad luck.
That phrase comes up a lot, the whole, "Then you probably wouldn't understand." It's one of the many touches in the book lifted pretty shamelessly from Chuck Palahniuk. I think Chuck Palahniuk has inspired about as many terrible first person narratives as Tarantino did bad student films about wise-cracking gangsters.
Putting aside the stylistic borrowing, the main issue with this book is that S.G. Browne just isn't funny. His jokes fall flat, his witticisms aren't witty, and the book practically smells from the flop-sweat of him trying too damn hard. There's so many pop culture references I felt like I was watching "The Soup" or one of those "Best Week Ever" shows. He's trying really hard to shock and be clever and after a while it felt almost awkward to read.
The paper-thin characterization didn't help either. There are a few fully realized, interesting characters but they're mostly on the fringe. The central cast are either devoid of distinguishing traits or flat stereotypes. The main character suffers the worst, appearing to be a little more than a cipher for the author. He makes more snide, metrosexual comments about fashion and cooking that Patrick Batemen in American Psycho, and that's the only thing that stands out. God, look what he just made me do!
Some of the drama is halfway decent, the discussions of dying and rebirth are interesting, but on some level I just couldn't suspend disbelief long enough to get into it. I just don't think humanity would react to zombies like it was a civil rights issue. It would probably be a straight up geekshow if anything.
He gets an extra star for some of the details and the world-building, but this feels like amateur hour that stumbled into print.
April 23, 2024
Closer to 2.5 This really didn’t land for me despite some pretty cool concepts. The idea to tell a zombie story from a zombie’s pov was interesting. Having there be a lack of civil rights for the undead in the world of the living was an interesting idea for world building and conflict for our protagonist. Even the idea that Andy is kind of having a very human progression from his rebirth from death, to his childlike demeanour and dependence towards his parents to him evolving into a thinking feeling young adult experiencing lust and love and ultimately building a family was an interesting concept. The problem was two-fold for me. I just didn’t like Andy. He just wasn’t fleshed out (ha!) beyond his zombie status and his infatuation with Rita, which was always very superficial, with descriptions on what she was wearing as though that would serve as character development. And so though Andy is ‘developing’ as a zombie, he does not truly develop as a character. Secondly the humour, with the exception of the opening chapter just didn’t land for me. So 3 stars for the premise but 2 for being poorly executed. Zombie read done for Spooky October reads.
March 3, 2010
zombies need love too
we deserve equality
frat boys taste yummy
If you havent't read S.G. Browne's hilarious and freaky book "Breathers: A Zombie's Lament", then you probably wouldn't understand.
we deserve equality
frat boys taste yummy
If you havent't read S.G. Browne's hilarious and freaky book "Breathers: A Zombie's Lament", then you probably wouldn't understand.
May 16, 2016
If you've not read this hilarious and eccentric book, then you probably wouldn't understand what I'm going to say.
- You will like this book, unless, of course, you're a vegetarian.
- This is very artistic, almost spiritual. In a necrophilia kind of way.
- If a zombie could blush, he/she'd be a third-degree sunburn.
- Dumb-Fuck Hollywood directors who make witless zombie movies is why contraception should be taught in schools.
- I raise my right hand and extend my thumb like Roger Ebert and say,"Bring it on! ZOMBIES AGAINST MUTILATION! ZOMBIES FOR CITIZENSHIP!"
- You will like this book, unless, of course, you're a vegetarian.
- This is very artistic, almost spiritual. In a necrophilia kind of way.
- If a zombie could blush, he/she'd be a third-degree sunburn.
- Dumb-Fuck Hollywood directors who make witless zombie movies is why contraception should be taught in schools.
- I raise my right hand and extend my thumb like Roger Ebert and say,"Bring it on! ZOMBIES AGAINST MUTILATION! ZOMBIES FOR CITIZENSHIP!"
February 26, 2011
My fifth star is broken this year. I know this is weird since historically I've been fast and loose with high ratings, but this deficiency in me should not be taken as a reflection of the book.
I wrote a good portion of this review yesterday when I wasn’t actually finished with the book which does lead to the positive that there shouldn’t be any spoilers at least not any end spoilers… I tried really hard to not have any middle spoilers either but we’ll see.
I have a lot of live concerts in my itunes, which means I've got a lot of random recordings of different artists talking about nothing. One of these (okay a good number of them, dude doesn't shut up) is john mayer talking about people telling him they like his early work. He equates this to someone walking up to you and saying "you were so great at your last job." Well Mr, mrs, initials Browne you were fucking fantastic at your old job.
I expected a lot of things from this book, but the one thing I didn't expect was for this book to be substantially better than Browne’s more recent book. Don’t get me wrong I loved fated, but this well it’s just so much more. If fated is the bastard child of tom robbins and terry pratchett, well Breathers is that child of an incestuous affair between that child and daddy, tom robbins not pratchett. If that’s too gross for you it’s kind of like being the child of douglas adams and tom robbins but way fucking cooler. Basically what I’m saying is that it’s funnier, smarter, and more poignant.
Just to look stalkery, he lists his influences as Chuck Palahniuk, Christopher Moore, and Stephen King. I think he does a better job than any of these gentlemen, I mean he’s not as overwritten as king (although it’s hard to say if he’s as nice a guy personally, let’s hope so, and that no one is trying to run him down with cars, he’s smarter than Christopher Moore (but not at all smart in an alienating way), and more interesting than Palahniuk (to be honest this one is hard for me cause I really love Palahniuk and I think god those are good ideas, but his tend to be good ideas that most 15 year old boys have thought of, this could possibly be said for zombies but I think browne deals with it in a much more interesting way).
Now this book does have those aspects of things that you know long before the characters know but since I like that in books I’m cool. And the fact is there are plenty of plot twists you don’t know in advance. Also the verbal repetitive diarrhea thing I hated in the other book is used way better here, it doesn’t actually bug me at all, although I think it is also used less which probably helps.
Lastly, I just have to say this book reminds me of still life with woodpecker, I guess just in the sense that when you read it there is definitely a level on which you’ve got to reevaluate your own life and your own actions.
I guess my point is I'm a fan.
I wrote a good portion of this review yesterday when I wasn’t actually finished with the book which does lead to the positive that there shouldn’t be any spoilers at least not any end spoilers… I tried really hard to not have any middle spoilers either but we’ll see.
I have a lot of live concerts in my itunes, which means I've got a lot of random recordings of different artists talking about nothing. One of these (okay a good number of them, dude doesn't shut up) is john mayer talking about people telling him they like his early work. He equates this to someone walking up to you and saying "you were so great at your last job." Well Mr, mrs, initials Browne you were fucking fantastic at your old job.
I expected a lot of things from this book, but the one thing I didn't expect was for this book to be substantially better than Browne’s more recent book. Don’t get me wrong I loved fated, but this well it’s just so much more. If fated is the bastard child of tom robbins and terry pratchett, well Breathers is that child of an incestuous affair between that child and daddy, tom robbins not pratchett. If that’s too gross for you it’s kind of like being the child of douglas adams and tom robbins but way fucking cooler. Basically what I’m saying is that it’s funnier, smarter, and more poignant.
Just to look stalkery, he lists his influences as Chuck Palahniuk, Christopher Moore, and Stephen King. I think he does a better job than any of these gentlemen, I mean he’s not as overwritten as king (although it’s hard to say if he’s as nice a guy personally, let’s hope so, and that no one is trying to run him down with cars, he’s smarter than Christopher Moore (but not at all smart in an alienating way), and more interesting than Palahniuk (to be honest this one is hard for me cause I really love Palahniuk and I think god those are good ideas, but his tend to be good ideas that most 15 year old boys have thought of, this could possibly be said for zombies but I think browne deals with it in a much more interesting way).
Now this book does have those aspects of things that you know long before the characters know but since I like that in books I’m cool. And the fact is there are plenty of plot twists you don’t know in advance. Also the verbal repetitive diarrhea thing I hated in the other book is used way better here, it doesn’t actually bug me at all, although I think it is also used less which probably helps.
Lastly, I just have to say this book reminds me of still life with woodpecker, I guess just in the sense that when you read it there is definitely a level on which you’ve got to reevaluate your own life and your own actions.
I guess my point is I'm a fan.
June 14, 2015
"Breathers" is a black comedy combined with horror and a little romance and lots of icky moments. We follow Andy, a newly risen zombie and the other members of his support group.
Zombies in "Breathers" are a little different, in fact the concept is quite original to me and was fun to read. Not all people who die become zombies, but when the selected few do rise as the undead they are ridiculed by society and despised by their families, who have to take them home again. The one aspect of the novel that kept niggling me is that the reason for zombies is never given. I have to know why, how and when and "breathers" didn't give answers to any. We never know how zombies are made, or why, and I will admit that this drove me a little nuts! However, it does mention that zombies existed far back into history.
There are many passages that made me smile, but it's not a 'laugh-out-loud' kind of novel, it's a bit too dark for that, but it is amusing. The human world know that zombies exist and they treat them pretty badly like they are at the bottom of the pile with no feelings or thoughts. But zombies come back with as much of these aspects of humanity as they left with. There are many rules and restrictions which zombies have to abide by and if they don't? Well, people just turn a blind eye to the cruelty inflicted. There are times when Andy's feelings about the injustice of the treatment of zombies by society becomes slightly repetitive but I did feel their repression.
Andy was killed while driving and so was his wife. She didn't come back as a zombie and remained dead, which Andy finds difficult to deal with although prefers in many ways. He's not sure she would have loved him the same way if she had survived. To deal with his feelings, Andy meets up with a support group who he begins to grow to love, especially a zombie called Rita. There is obviously romance on the cards and there's even a bit of zombie sex, although nothing is described explicitly - thank goodness.
At first Andy can't speak, can't use one of his arms and walks with a limp due to a crushed ankle. But after meeting a zombie called Ray who introduces him to the lip-smacking pleasure of human flesh, everything begins to change...and this is where the novel gets really interesting...
However, there is just something missing for me - I didn't particularly connect with or care much about any of the characters, which is always a disappointment. The ending is rather abrupt and cruel and somewhat out of place, in my opinion, to the rest of the novel.
VERDICT:
Although I didn't love "Breathers" I did enjoy it and would still recommend it to other zombie fans. It is an interesting take on the zombie and there is a fair amount of humour which I liked.
Zombies in "Breathers" are a little different, in fact the concept is quite original to me and was fun to read. Not all people who die become zombies, but when the selected few do rise as the undead they are ridiculed by society and despised by their families, who have to take them home again. The one aspect of the novel that kept niggling me is that the reason for zombies is never given. I have to know why, how and when and "breathers" didn't give answers to any. We never know how zombies are made, or why, and I will admit that this drove me a little nuts! However, it does mention that zombies existed far back into history.
There are many passages that made me smile, but it's not a 'laugh-out-loud' kind of novel, it's a bit too dark for that, but it is amusing. The human world know that zombies exist and they treat them pretty badly like they are at the bottom of the pile with no feelings or thoughts. But zombies come back with as much of these aspects of humanity as they left with. There are many rules and restrictions which zombies have to abide by and if they don't? Well, people just turn a blind eye to the cruelty inflicted. There are times when Andy's feelings about the injustice of the treatment of zombies by society becomes slightly repetitive but I did feel their repression.
Andy was killed while driving and so was his wife. She didn't come back as a zombie and remained dead, which Andy finds difficult to deal with although prefers in many ways. He's not sure she would have loved him the same way if she had survived. To deal with his feelings, Andy meets up with a support group who he begins to grow to love, especially a zombie called Rita. There is obviously romance on the cards and there's even a bit of zombie sex, although nothing is described explicitly - thank goodness.
At first Andy can't speak, can't use one of his arms and walks with a limp due to a crushed ankle. But after meeting a zombie called Ray who introduces him to the lip-smacking pleasure of human flesh, everything begins to change...and this is where the novel gets really interesting...
However, there is just something missing for me - I didn't particularly connect with or care much about any of the characters, which is always a disappointment. The ending is rather abrupt and cruel and somewhat out of place, in my opinion, to the rest of the novel.
VERDICT:
Although I didn't love "Breathers" I did enjoy it and would still recommend it to other zombie fans. It is an interesting take on the zombie and there is a fair amount of humour which I liked.
March 26, 2009
A cute story that finds you cheering the zombies on. I picked this up becuase the cover was fantastic and who doesn't want to read about zombie loving?
October 30, 2019
4.5 out of 5 Stars
I’ve never read a book that was so humorous, yet so poignant at the same time! Full of a political stance, social commentary, and warnings, this novel had so much going on!
“If you’ve never woken up from a car accident to discover that your wife is dead and you’re an animated, rotting corpse, than you probably wouldn’t understand.”
Do zombies deserve the same rights as humans?? In this society, they are literally treated like animals, picked up by the SPCA any time they get out of line and thrown into a tiny cage until their “breathers” or humans come to (usually reluctantly) bail them out.
“if you’ve never been confined to a five-foot-long, three-foot-wide, three-foot-high cage for five days, than you probably wouldn’t understand.”
Zombies have decided to fight back. They deserve better than being locked in the wine cellar (not a bad place to be locked… In my opinion), they deserve to have their voices heard (even if those voices are only grunts and screeched). But, when they begin to bite the hands that feed (literally), will justice bite back? Will breaking the law get them any closer to the freedom (and flesh) that they crave?
“If you’ve never been in a room full of zombies eating freshly cooked human flesh, than you probably wouldn’t understand.”
It’s funny how much this book reflects our own confused society and notions. Racism, Prejudice, Bigotry… You may be offended by the thoughts and actions of many of the humans in “Breathers” (I know I was!), and it really made me hold a mirror up to the outside world (which is always scary… Because, it’s a horrible place).
“If you’ve never seen someone get his arm torn out of his socket by a gang of drunk college fraternity boys who slap him in the face with his own hand, than you probably wouldn’t understand.”
You’ll laugh, you’ll cry…. You’ll laugh some more. You’ll be taught that all actions do indeed have a (sometimes detrimental) consequence, and sometimes finally having your voice heard is worth more trouble than you think.
This book is for fans of humour, fans of horror, fans of social justice… Basically just for “breathers” everywhere! But, if you haven’t read it yet, well… You probably wouldn’t understand.
I’ve never read a book that was so humorous, yet so poignant at the same time! Full of a political stance, social commentary, and warnings, this novel had so much going on!
“If you’ve never woken up from a car accident to discover that your wife is dead and you’re an animated, rotting corpse, than you probably wouldn’t understand.”
Do zombies deserve the same rights as humans?? In this society, they are literally treated like animals, picked up by the SPCA any time they get out of line and thrown into a tiny cage until their “breathers” or humans come to (usually reluctantly) bail them out.
“if you’ve never been confined to a five-foot-long, three-foot-wide, three-foot-high cage for five days, than you probably wouldn’t understand.”
Zombies have decided to fight back. They deserve better than being locked in the wine cellar (not a bad place to be locked… In my opinion), they deserve to have their voices heard (even if those voices are only grunts and screeched). But, when they begin to bite the hands that feed (literally), will justice bite back? Will breaking the law get them any closer to the freedom (and flesh) that they crave?
“If you’ve never been in a room full of zombies eating freshly cooked human flesh, than you probably wouldn’t understand.”
It’s funny how much this book reflects our own confused society and notions. Racism, Prejudice, Bigotry… You may be offended by the thoughts and actions of many of the humans in “Breathers” (I know I was!), and it really made me hold a mirror up to the outside world (which is always scary… Because, it’s a horrible place).
“If you’ve never seen someone get his arm torn out of his socket by a gang of drunk college fraternity boys who slap him in the face with his own hand, than you probably wouldn’t understand.”
You’ll laugh, you’ll cry…. You’ll laugh some more. You’ll be taught that all actions do indeed have a (sometimes detrimental) consequence, and sometimes finally having your voice heard is worth more trouble than you think.
This book is for fans of humour, fans of horror, fans of social justice… Basically just for “breathers” everywhere! But, if you haven’t read it yet, well… You probably wouldn’t understand.
January 9, 2011
Poor Andy. He dies in a car crash and wakes up a zombie.
In this world this is apparently common place. When you do wake up a zombie, (where everything about you is the same, except for the fact you're kind of decaying) everyone who really loved you right before your death, suddenly hates your guts....if you still have them that is. Zombies are persecuted, harassed and are given no rights at all. This bothered me a little bit, it didn't ring true.
Yes, this is a book about zombies, not really based in reality. It has recipes for "breather", (which is how zombies refer to the living) for Pete's sake. Left over mom loaf.....hilarious. But still that little "hate your dead loved ones" kept gnawing at me (pun intended).
Andy and his zombie friends did not start out eating breather right away. They were given breather, unbeknownst to them, by a fellow zombie who passed it off a venison. It was fantastic, everything was tasteless up till then, so they wanted more. Soon, after having more "venison", they found themselves healing and becoming more like they were when they where alive. When they discover that it was breather they were eating, well.....that's when the recipes started to flow.
I have lost loved ones. Anyone who has had loved ones pass would agree that they would do anything to get that person back. So, if I had my loved one back as a nasty smelling zombie, and found out breather would make the whole again...well....I would get some breather for them, right quick. Over population is a problem, and we have a few nut jobs currently trying to destroy the country/world, how about killing two birds with one stone?......
Brined Boehner in orange sauce (Boehner's are self brineing, easy peasy)
1 whole Boehner (fyi when two vowels go walking the first on does the talking)
2 medium to large yellow onions, unpeeled and cut into eighths
2 medium carrots, unpeeled and cut into 1-inch chunks
2 medium ribs celery, cut into 1-inch chunks
1 pint bitters
No oranges needed
Directions
1. Clean your Boehner thoughly, I can't stress this enough. Boehners are covered with chemicals to acheive the orange cheeto glow.
2. Remove the innards from the Boehner, cut off the tail, if attached, and reserve them for making the rich Boehner broth. Sprinkle the bitters all over it, starting on the back side, then the cavity, and finally the breast. Put the Boehner on a wire rack set over a rimmed pan or platter and refrigerate uncovered overnight.
3. Remove the Boehner from the refrigerator and let stand at room temperature. Fifteen to 20 minutes before roasting, position a rack in the lowest part of the oven and heat the oven to 400 degrees F. Put half of the onions, carrots, and celery in the Boehner cavity. Tie the legs together with kitchen twine. Tuck the arms behind the neck and under the Boehner. Scatter the remaining onions, carrots, and celery in a large flameproof heavy-duty roasting pan fitted with a large V rack. Set the Boehner, breast side down, on the V rack.
3. Roast for 30 minutes. Pour 1 cup of bitters into the roasting pan and roast for another 30 minutes. Remove the Boehner from the oven and close the oven door. With two wads of paper towels, carefully turn the Boehner over so that it's breast side up. Add another 1/2 cup bitters to the roasting pan. Return the Boehner to the oven and continue to roast until an instant-read thermometer inserted in the thigh registers 170 degrees F, about another 10 hours for a Boehner in the 190-pound range. (Keep a close eye on the vegetables and pan drippings throughout the cooking process. They should be kept dry enough to brown and produce the rich brown drippings to make gravy, but moist enough to keep from burning, so add water as needed throughout.) Transfer the Boehner to a carving board or platter, tent with foil, and let rest for at least 45 minutes and up to 1 hour before carving and serving. Meanwhile, make the silky pan gravy from the drippings.
Alaskan Pulled-Palin Sandwiches
Ingredients
1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil (yes even if you're using Bristol)
2 medium yellow onions, diced
2 tablespoons chili powder
1 tablespoon ground cumin
2 teaspoons paprika
1 teaspoon cayenne pepper
12 ounces beer, preferably lager (1 1/2 cups)
3/4 cup ketchup
3/4 cup cider vinegar
1/2 cup whole-grain mustard
2 tablespoons tomato paste
1 canned chipotle pepper in adobo sauce, minced, plus 1 tablespoon adobo sauce
1 10-pound bone-in Palin butt, (see Shopping Tip)
Directions
1. Preheat oven to 300 degrees F. Heat oil in a large Dutch oven over medium-low heat. Add onions and cook, stirring occasionally, until lightly browned and very soft, about 20 minutes.
2. Increase heat to high; add chili powder, cumin, paprika and cayenne and cook, stirring, until fragrant, 1 minute. Add beer, ketchup, vinegar, mustard, tomato paste, chipotle pepper and adobo sauce; bring to a boil. Reduce heat to medium-low and simmer, uncovered, stirring occasionally, until the sauce is slightly thickened, 10 minutes. Meanwhile, trim all visible fat from the Palin butt.
3. Remove the pan from the heat and add the Palin, spooning sauce over it. Cover the pan, transfer to the oven and bake for 1 1/2 hours. Turn the Palin over, cover, and bake for 1 1/2 hours more. Uncover and bake until a fork inserted into the Palin butt turns easily, 1 to 2 hours more.
4. Transfer the Palin to a large bowl and cover with foil. Pour the sauce into a large measuring cup or glass bowl and refrigerate until the fat and sauce begin to separate, 15 minutes. Skim off the fat. Return the sauce to the pan and heat over medium-high until hot, about 4 minutes.
5. Remove the bone and any remaining pieces of fat from the Palin meat. The bone should easily slip away from the tender meat. Pull the Palin apart into long shreds using two forks. Add the hot sauce to the meat; stir to combine. Serve hot....and also to, don't cha know...you betcha!
Shopping tip....Palins are best when shot fresh from a helicopter.
Of course these recipes are a joke. I do not in anyway advocate killing and eating Republicans. Everybody knows their not good eat'n, to tough and gristly. Democrats are much more tender and juicy.
In this world this is apparently common place. When you do wake up a zombie, (where everything about you is the same, except for the fact you're kind of decaying) everyone who really loved you right before your death, suddenly hates your guts....if you still have them that is. Zombies are persecuted, harassed and are given no rights at all. This bothered me a little bit, it didn't ring true.
Yes, this is a book about zombies, not really based in reality. It has recipes for "breather", (which is how zombies refer to the living) for Pete's sake. Left over mom loaf.....hilarious. But still that little "hate your dead loved ones" kept gnawing at me (pun intended).
Andy and his zombie friends did not start out eating breather right away. They were given breather, unbeknownst to them, by a fellow zombie who passed it off a venison. It was fantastic, everything was tasteless up till then, so they wanted more. Soon, after having more "venison", they found themselves healing and becoming more like they were when they where alive. When they discover that it was breather they were eating, well.....that's when the recipes started to flow.
I have lost loved ones. Anyone who has had loved ones pass would agree that they would do anything to get that person back. So, if I had my loved one back as a nasty smelling zombie, and found out breather would make the whole again...well....I would get some breather for them, right quick. Over population is a problem, and we have a few nut jobs currently trying to destroy the country/world, how about killing two birds with one stone?......
Brined Boehner in orange sauce (Boehner's are self brineing, easy peasy)
1 whole Boehner (fyi when two vowels go walking the first on does the talking)
2 medium to large yellow onions, unpeeled and cut into eighths
2 medium carrots, unpeeled and cut into 1-inch chunks
2 medium ribs celery, cut into 1-inch chunks
1 pint bitters
No oranges needed
Directions
1. Clean your Boehner thoughly, I can't stress this enough. Boehners are covered with chemicals to acheive the orange cheeto glow.
2. Remove the innards from the Boehner, cut off the tail, if attached, and reserve them for making the rich Boehner broth. Sprinkle the bitters all over it, starting on the back side, then the cavity, and finally the breast. Put the Boehner on a wire rack set over a rimmed pan or platter and refrigerate uncovered overnight.
3. Remove the Boehner from the refrigerator and let stand at room temperature. Fifteen to 20 minutes before roasting, position a rack in the lowest part of the oven and heat the oven to 400 degrees F. Put half of the onions, carrots, and celery in the Boehner cavity. Tie the legs together with kitchen twine. Tuck the arms behind the neck and under the Boehner. Scatter the remaining onions, carrots, and celery in a large flameproof heavy-duty roasting pan fitted with a large V rack. Set the Boehner, breast side down, on the V rack.
3. Roast for 30 minutes. Pour 1 cup of bitters into the roasting pan and roast for another 30 minutes. Remove the Boehner from the oven and close the oven door. With two wads of paper towels, carefully turn the Boehner over so that it's breast side up. Add another 1/2 cup bitters to the roasting pan. Return the Boehner to the oven and continue to roast until an instant-read thermometer inserted in the thigh registers 170 degrees F, about another 10 hours for a Boehner in the 190-pound range. (Keep a close eye on the vegetables and pan drippings throughout the cooking process. They should be kept dry enough to brown and produce the rich brown drippings to make gravy, but moist enough to keep from burning, so add water as needed throughout.) Transfer the Boehner to a carving board or platter, tent with foil, and let rest for at least 45 minutes and up to 1 hour before carving and serving. Meanwhile, make the silky pan gravy from the drippings.
Alaskan Pulled-Palin Sandwiches
Ingredients
1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil (yes even if you're using Bristol)
2 medium yellow onions, diced
2 tablespoons chili powder
1 tablespoon ground cumin
2 teaspoons paprika
1 teaspoon cayenne pepper
12 ounces beer, preferably lager (1 1/2 cups)
3/4 cup ketchup
3/4 cup cider vinegar
1/2 cup whole-grain mustard
2 tablespoons tomato paste
1 canned chipotle pepper in adobo sauce, minced, plus 1 tablespoon adobo sauce
1 10-pound bone-in Palin butt, (see Shopping Tip)
Directions
1. Preheat oven to 300 degrees F. Heat oil in a large Dutch oven over medium-low heat. Add onions and cook, stirring occasionally, until lightly browned and very soft, about 20 minutes.
2. Increase heat to high; add chili powder, cumin, paprika and cayenne and cook, stirring, until fragrant, 1 minute. Add beer, ketchup, vinegar, mustard, tomato paste, chipotle pepper and adobo sauce; bring to a boil. Reduce heat to medium-low and simmer, uncovered, stirring occasionally, until the sauce is slightly thickened, 10 minutes. Meanwhile, trim all visible fat from the Palin butt.
3. Remove the pan from the heat and add the Palin, spooning sauce over it. Cover the pan, transfer to the oven and bake for 1 1/2 hours. Turn the Palin over, cover, and bake for 1 1/2 hours more. Uncover and bake until a fork inserted into the Palin butt turns easily, 1 to 2 hours more.
4. Transfer the Palin to a large bowl and cover with foil. Pour the sauce into a large measuring cup or glass bowl and refrigerate until the fat and sauce begin to separate, 15 minutes. Skim off the fat. Return the sauce to the pan and heat over medium-high until hot, about 4 minutes.
5. Remove the bone and any remaining pieces of fat from the Palin meat. The bone should easily slip away from the tender meat. Pull the Palin apart into long shreds using two forks. Add the hot sauce to the meat; stir to combine. Serve hot....and also to, don't cha know...you betcha!
Shopping tip....Palins are best when shot fresh from a helicopter.
Of course these recipes are a joke. I do not in anyway advocate killing and eating Republicans. Everybody knows their not good eat'n, to tough and gristly. Democrats are much more tender and juicy.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
January 19, 2013
For me Breathers starts off great, but loses steam at the end. I laughed a lot through the first 1/3 of the book, chuckled in the middle, but the laughs were harder to come by when it turned into a zombie civil rights story. I also thought the unsatisfying ending was a convenient way to handle the first zombie pregnancy, something I'm sure all we readers were waiting to see how it played out. But even so, it's a unique take on the zombie story and I'm glad Browne tackled it.
I knew going in that this would be a humorous story mixed with the grotesque. Knowing this, it was still a little off putting for me when Andy, the main character, killed and ate his parents. The running joke about all the delicious ways his parents' flesh was cooked and enjoyed didn't sit well with me, and it just got to the point where it was annoying. OK. We get it. You enjoyed dining on your mother's breast meat and your father's flank. Gag. But I guess he's not into wasting food.
But there are many laugh-out-loud moments in this book. Discovering that Andy has to bathe in Pine-Sol to mask the smell of his rot, and watching the battle of wills between Andy and his grossed out father play out, make for some funny reading. There is a tug-of-war Thanksgiving dinner scene between Andy, his father, and a cooked turkey that makes me laugh to this day when I think about it. The bittersweet scenes between Andy and his mother, who tries hard to connect with her zombie son, are wonderful.
I think zombie fans and non-zombie fans alike would enjoy this tale told through the eyes of the disenfranchised zombie population.
I knew going in that this would be a humorous story mixed with the grotesque. Knowing this, it was still a little off putting for me when Andy, the main character, killed and ate his parents. The running joke about all the delicious ways his parents' flesh was cooked and enjoyed didn't sit well with me, and it just got to the point where it was annoying. OK. We get it. You enjoyed dining on your mother's breast meat and your father's flank. Gag. But I guess he's not into wasting food.
But there are many laugh-out-loud moments in this book. Discovering that Andy has to bathe in Pine-Sol to mask the smell of his rot, and watching the battle of wills between Andy and his grossed out father play out, make for some funny reading. There is a tug-of-war Thanksgiving dinner scene between Andy, his father, and a cooked turkey that makes me laugh to this day when I think about it. The bittersweet scenes between Andy and his mother, who tries hard to connect with her zombie son, are wonderful.
I think zombie fans and non-zombie fans alike would enjoy this tale told through the eyes of the disenfranchised zombie population.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
April 18, 2011
Second reading:(I'm rereading this a year later for a group read. I love this book.)
Still love it, maybe more, after second reading. But "If you've never been dismembered or crushed or allowed to slowly disentegrate until you turn into chicken soup, then probably wouldn't understand (page 265).
Another favorite quote:
Re: Jerry's interpretation of the Sistine Chapel: "It's very artistic, almost spiritual. In a tits and ass kind of way."
First reading: April 2010
Zombies need human flesh to stay alive…um, undead. It’s rather unfair to hold that against them. After all, we all have vices. And if you say you don’t then lying is your vice.
Andy, and the other undead, is despised by society. No longer allowed to drive, hold jobs or be out past curfew, they are typically abandoned by family and friends. The only social activity available to them is the weekly meeting of Undead Anonymous. Here Andy meets the beautiful Rita, suicide victim, who eats formaldehyde-laced lipstick to help keep her preserved. Andy, Rita and the other members of UA just want to be allowed to live out the rest of their unlives.
Andy’s filing of a class action lawsuit does not sit well with Breathers (the living). He finds himself unsuccessfully dodging fruit and bullets and ends up in a cage at the SPCA. His sentence could be life at the zombie zoo or, worse, staked out in a field as the subject of a forensic study of human decomposition.
Hysterical, profound and disturbing. Author S. G. Browne takes a courageous stand and exposes the unfair treatment of Zombies everywhere.
Still love it, maybe more, after second reading. But "If you've never been dismembered or crushed or allowed to slowly disentegrate until you turn into chicken soup, then probably wouldn't understand (page 265).
Another favorite quote:
Re: Jerry's interpretation of the Sistine Chapel: "It's very artistic, almost spiritual. In a tits and ass kind of way."
First reading: April 2010
Zombies need human flesh to stay alive…um, undead. It’s rather unfair to hold that against them. After all, we all have vices. And if you say you don’t then lying is your vice.
Andy, and the other undead, is despised by society. No longer allowed to drive, hold jobs or be out past curfew, they are typically abandoned by family and friends. The only social activity available to them is the weekly meeting of Undead Anonymous. Here Andy meets the beautiful Rita, suicide victim, who eats formaldehyde-laced lipstick to help keep her preserved. Andy, Rita and the other members of UA just want to be allowed to live out the rest of their unlives.
Andy’s filing of a class action lawsuit does not sit well with Breathers (the living). He finds himself unsuccessfully dodging fruit and bullets and ends up in a cage at the SPCA. His sentence could be life at the zombie zoo or, worse, staked out in a field as the subject of a forensic study of human decomposition.
Hysterical, profound and disturbing. Author S. G. Browne takes a courageous stand and exposes the unfair treatment of Zombies everywhere.
November 6, 2012
BREATHERS was an impulse Amazon buy, recommended when I purchased a separate zombie anthology. I don't usually give in to impulse buys (I have too many must-haves on my reading list as it is), but I'm so glad I decided to give into this one!
This book has it all - the blood and gore of typical zombie fare, but also romance (who wouldn't love a twenty-something hottie, even with the stitches at her wrists and throat, who happens to eat lipstick like it was going out of style), humor (I'm sorry, but breather disguised as venison is pure genius), murder (the opening scene is a husband-wife body part freezer bonanza), and an undead support group (yes, they even have field trips).
It's a quick read, and it is just so, so good. Andy, the main character, simply wants his life back, even if he is a member of the undead. As a member of society who now has absolutley no rights whatsoever, it's a lot more difficult than it sounds.
But if you've never had to drink VO5 shampoo (and sometimes conditioner) to get your formaldahyde fix, or had your arm ripped out of its socket only to be beaten over the head with it, or been shot in the face by a Social Security Administration guard, or been traumatized by frat boys in a cemetery, then you probably wouldn't understand what I'm talking about.
Seriously, just go buy it.
This book has it all - the blood and gore of typical zombie fare, but also romance (who wouldn't love a twenty-something hottie, even with the stitches at her wrists and throat, who happens to eat lipstick like it was going out of style), humor (I'm sorry, but breather disguised as venison is pure genius), murder (the opening scene is a husband-wife body part freezer bonanza), and an undead support group (yes, they even have field trips).
It's a quick read, and it is just so, so good. Andy, the main character, simply wants his life back, even if he is a member of the undead. As a member of society who now has absolutley no rights whatsoever, it's a lot more difficult than it sounds.
But if you've never had to drink VO5 shampoo (and sometimes conditioner) to get your formaldahyde fix, or had your arm ripped out of its socket only to be beaten over the head with it, or been shot in the face by a Social Security Administration guard, or been traumatized by frat boys in a cemetery, then you probably wouldn't understand what I'm talking about.
Seriously, just go buy it.
July 7, 2009
If you've never had a masturbatory fantasy about what would happen if Chuck Palahniuk and Alan Ball had a zombie love child, then you probably wouldn't understand.
No, seriously. Read 'Rant' while watching 'TrueBlood', and you have 'Breathers: A Zombie's Lament'. I'm not saying this is a bad thing. I LOVE those two things, and I think the world needs more literature that falls in that space. True, there's no undead fight club or (un)dead models slouched over a dentist chair, but I like to think that there's just enough black humor and strange facts to keep a little goth reader like myself happy - the information about formaldehyde in beauty products and heads in chicken-trays fell straight out of Mary Roach's 'Stiff', and the subtle but amazing insertion of Oingo Boingo's 'Dead Man's Party' was like a party David Hornsby would have thrown (if he had been a goth kid in high school). Reeking of Jack Daniels-soaked brains that have read too many Chuck P books (no such thing), Breathers is by far my new favorite zombie book...and I'm a vampire girl.
No, seriously. Read 'Rant' while watching 'TrueBlood', and you have 'Breathers: A Zombie's Lament'. I'm not saying this is a bad thing. I LOVE those two things, and I think the world needs more literature that falls in that space. True, there's no undead fight club or (un)dead models slouched over a dentist chair, but I like to think that there's just enough black humor and strange facts to keep a little goth reader like myself happy - the information about formaldehyde in beauty products and heads in chicken-trays fell straight out of Mary Roach's 'Stiff', and the subtle but amazing insertion of Oingo Boingo's 'Dead Man's Party' was like a party David Hornsby would have thrown (if he had been a goth kid in high school). Reeking of Jack Daniels-soaked brains that have read too many Chuck P books (no such thing), Breathers is by far my new favorite zombie book...and I'm a vampire girl.
August 15, 2017
“Of course, she screamed when I tried to hug her and she nearly vomited after I sneezed and a piece of my brain came out of my nose, but it's what passes for quality time around here lately.”
Andy woke up from a fatal car crash a zombie, shambling down the road, confused about where he was while being screamed at and pelted with fruit by people walking down the street. In this world, zombies live among the breathing as secondary citizens. They have no rights, they're not allowed to do things like ride the public transport and people are allowed to beat them, rip pieces off of them with zero consequences. He has to move back in with his resentful parents and if he gets out of line he gets picked up by the SPCA. It's a depressing existence so he joins a zombie therapy group to deal with his new 'life'.
What ensues is a hilariously sarcastic point of view of life after death. Every secondary citizen reaches their breaking point and rebellion and revolution soon follow suit. Plus, you can pick up a few cooking human recipes along the way.
Andy woke up from a fatal car crash a zombie, shambling down the road, confused about where he was while being screamed at and pelted with fruit by people walking down the street. In this world, zombies live among the breathing as secondary citizens. They have no rights, they're not allowed to do things like ride the public transport and people are allowed to beat them, rip pieces off of them with zero consequences. He has to move back in with his resentful parents and if he gets out of line he gets picked up by the SPCA. It's a depressing existence so he joins a zombie therapy group to deal with his new 'life'.
What ensues is a hilariously sarcastic point of view of life after death. Every secondary citizen reaches their breaking point and rebellion and revolution soon follow suit. Plus, you can pick up a few cooking human recipes along the way.
Read
July 31, 2024DNF at almost 30%. Thought I could have fun with a little zombie romance as a treat. Unfortunately, boomer humor and a manic pixie dream zombie made it less like a treat and more like placing a soggy piece of bread in my mouth and letting it sit for a while before finally spitting it out. Just to give you a visual.
October 6, 2021
This one had good timing. There's a lot going on and very little to chuckle over. It was nice to read something light but interesting, parts that made me chuckle and a few where I full on laughed-out-loud.
July 4, 2017
Wow, here's a book that's not afraid to ask if it's really necrophilia if both people involved are already dead.
The book covers the plight of Andy, a recently risen zombie living near Santa Cruz, California. As one of the undead - who have been made public in the last fifty or so years - Andy is in a predicament. As a dead man, he has no civil rights. He cannot go out in public, he has to watch out for animal control (who hold jurisdiction over policing the dead), and he must bear the brunt of the livings' resentment. His only weekly excursion out of his hostile parents' home is to attend his Undead Anonymous meetings. Here he meets Rita, and everything changes for him as he realizes for the first time since his death, he's in love again.
Add into the romance angle that his social circle opens up and he discovers another zombie named Ray. Ray is a rebel and what he offers to Andy and the others quickly escalated beyond any of the UA group's control. It's a story about love, death, civil rights, and consuming the flesh of the living. How can you go wrong?
There's more than a shade or two of Palhaniuk going on here, plus a little Christopher Moore. It's definitely a dark comedy, so I can't recommend it for everybody. But for those with a love of monsters as protagonist (and make no mistake, the characters are monsters) and who have a place in their heart for zombies, this one's for you.
The book covers the plight of Andy, a recently risen zombie living near Santa Cruz, California. As one of the undead - who have been made public in the last fifty or so years - Andy is in a predicament. As a dead man, he has no civil rights. He cannot go out in public, he has to watch out for animal control (who hold jurisdiction over policing the dead), and he must bear the brunt of the livings' resentment. His only weekly excursion out of his hostile parents' home is to attend his Undead Anonymous meetings. Here he meets Rita, and everything changes for him as he realizes for the first time since his death, he's in love again.
Add into the romance angle that his social circle opens up and he discovers another zombie named Ray. Ray is a rebel and what he offers to Andy and the others quickly escalated beyond any of the UA group's control. It's a story about love, death, civil rights, and consuming the flesh of the living. How can you go wrong?
There's more than a shade or two of Palhaniuk going on here, plus a little Christopher Moore. It's definitely a dark comedy, so I can't recommend it for everybody. But for those with a love of monsters as protagonist (and make no mistake, the characters are monsters) and who have a place in their heart for zombies, this one's for you.
November 16, 2012
Well! This was something! A coming of age story of a 39 year old Zombie!
This was my first Zombie book, so I'm not sure how the others are, but this took the Zombie's side, and showed us their point of view.
In Breathers, our main character, Andy, has just recently reanimated (Come back to life after dying as a Zombie)and he tells the story of how Zombies are treated even worse than cockroaches, I felt so bad for him, I actually felt for the Zombies, and got annoyed at the Breathers (Humans).
We follow Andy on his self realization journey from sad Zombie lying in his parents basement getting by day to day, to a Zombie who can stand on his own and who is fighting for his civil rights.
This story was odd as it sent a very clear message using an extremely weird story line! As Andy tries harder and harder to fit in with the Humans and go back to his old life, he finally realizes that what is past is past, and that it is time to move on and embrace his zombie-ism. The cannibalism in the story did not even bother me, as this is the Zombie's story, in Breathers, the humans are the bad guys!
So! The point is, don't try to be something you're not. If you're a flesh eating Zombie, then so be it! Be a flesh eating Zombie and be proud! There's no point in attempting to fit in with others who are clearly unlike you and who shun you, screw them, there's no right or wrong, do what makes you happy and what feels right for you.
This was my first Zombie book, so I'm not sure how the others are, but this took the Zombie's side, and showed us their point of view.
In Breathers, our main character, Andy, has just recently reanimated (Come back to life after dying as a Zombie)and he tells the story of how Zombies are treated even worse than cockroaches, I felt so bad for him, I actually felt for the Zombies, and got annoyed at the Breathers (Humans).
We follow Andy on his self realization journey from sad Zombie lying in his parents basement getting by day to day, to a Zombie who can stand on his own and who is fighting for his civil rights.
This story was odd as it sent a very clear message using an extremely weird story line! As Andy tries harder and harder to fit in with the Humans and go back to his old life, he finally realizes that what is past is past, and that it is time to move on and embrace his zombie-ism. The cannibalism in the story did not even bother me, as this is the Zombie's story, in Breathers, the humans are the bad guys!
So! The point is, don't try to be something you're not. If you're a flesh eating Zombie, then so be it! Be a flesh eating Zombie and be proud! There's no point in attempting to fit in with others who are clearly unlike you and who shun you, screw them, there's no right or wrong, do what makes you happy and what feels right for you.
March 30, 2009
For an impulse purchase in Dallas when none of my top picks were available, I have to say that "Breathers" did not disappoint.
The book is downright hilarious. S.G. Browne does a great job of giving the zombie a "softer-side" that has nothing to do with being able to show each other their brains or finger open wounds. Macabre to the core, it was surprising how human Browne made the zombies feel. In fact, as the book came to a close, I found myself rooting for Andy and his band of undead friends as they started feeding on the living. Ultimately, Andy IS a zombie, so it's easier to accept his flesh-eating tendencies, and the treatment of the zombies by the rest of humanity, "Breathers" seems downright atrocious, (but still hauntingly believable).
All in all, the concept of zombie romance was top-notch, but Browne tried to tackle something a bit too big for Andy's britches. The romance peaks quickly, and if you were hoping for some hilarious developments between zombie girl and zombie boy, this isn't really the book for you. It has some gems, but the back cover and certainly the front cover's illustration are more eye-candy than substance - the plot is more of a social commentary from a zombie's perspective: poignant, astute, and incredibly creative. Seriously...Andy, zombie anti-hero, even writes Haikus.
The book is downright hilarious. S.G. Browne does a great job of giving the zombie a "softer-side" that has nothing to do with being able to show each other their brains or finger open wounds. Macabre to the core, it was surprising how human Browne made the zombies feel. In fact, as the book came to a close, I found myself rooting for Andy and his band of undead friends as they started feeding on the living. Ultimately, Andy IS a zombie, so it's easier to accept his flesh-eating tendencies, and the treatment of the zombies by the rest of humanity, "Breathers" seems downright atrocious, (but still hauntingly believable).
All in all, the concept of zombie romance was top-notch, but Browne tried to tackle something a bit too big for Andy's britches. The romance peaks quickly, and if you were hoping for some hilarious developments between zombie girl and zombie boy, this isn't really the book for you. It has some gems, but the back cover and certainly the front cover's illustration are more eye-candy than substance - the plot is more of a social commentary from a zombie's perspective: poignant, astute, and incredibly creative. Seriously...Andy, zombie anti-hero, even writes Haikus.
October 1, 2022
Breathers...aka living humans. Our mc Andy and his wife just died in a car crash. Well, she did. He came back to life and is trying to get used to his new zombie status...but it's not easy. The undead have little to no rights, not to mention the constant abuse by the living. So Andy and his new undead friends start a fight for Zombie rights. Among them he is Rita, who takes Andy's breath away...if he had such a thing, that is.
This book is very interesting. I definitely recommend it if you are looking for a weird zombie story or if you like horror and are not put off by graphic descriptions of body gore, death and violence. It's also very funny at points (very dark humor)...
LESSONS LEARNED
- There was a heavy comparison between zombies and homeless people. I found that very profound and heart wrenching. We all need to show more kindness and understanding before judging anyone 😔❤️
✨ Now in order to fully review this book I will have to spoil the end so IF YOU'RE INTERESTED IN CHECKING IT OUT READ NO FURTHER 😘 (hope you enjoy the book)
Look I was so on board with this until about 3/4 into the story. I thought it was such a unique and creepy read! The Zombies regenerating when they consume human flesh was such a great concept! Gave the whole "braaaiins" ordeal an actual reason.
The writing was kind of annoying sometimes. The author used the sentence " if you've never [insert literally any action], you won't understand" so much!!! It was okay the first couple times but bro! It's not funny anymore.
I felt bad for Andy but I also found him to be a very boring individual. This book def thrived on the interesting side characters. So it really sucked when they kept dying just to further Andy's purpose and character arc. Woman in the fridge? More like the whole town is in the fridge.
The ending. I loved Rita so much! Her personality had so much depth! When she died at the end I was so upset ya'll 😭 I would have preferred to read this book from her POV tbh.
This book is very interesting. I definitely recommend it if you are looking for a weird zombie story or if you like horror and are not put off by graphic descriptions of body gore, death and violence. It's also very funny at points (very dark humor)...
LESSONS LEARNED
- There was a heavy comparison between zombies and homeless people. I found that very profound and heart wrenching. We all need to show more kindness and understanding before judging anyone 😔❤️
✨ Now in order to fully review this book I will have to spoil the end so IF YOU'RE INTERESTED IN CHECKING IT OUT READ NO FURTHER 😘 (hope you enjoy the book)
Look I was so on board with this until about 3/4 into the story. I thought it was such a unique and creepy read! The Zombies regenerating when they consume human flesh was such a great concept! Gave the whole "braaaiins" ordeal an actual reason.
The writing was kind of annoying sometimes. The author used the sentence " if you've never [insert literally any action], you won't understand" so much!!! It was okay the first couple times but bro! It's not funny anymore.
I felt bad for Andy but I also found him to be a very boring individual. This book def thrived on the interesting side characters. So it really sucked when they kept dying just to further Andy's purpose and character arc. Woman in the fridge? More like the whole town is in the fridge.
The ending. I loved Rita so much! Her personality had so much depth! When she died at the end I was so upset ya'll 😭 I would have preferred to read this book from her POV tbh.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
September 26, 2024
I can't believe I've never heard anybody talk about this book before. It was hilarious and dark and gory and everything you'd want from a book about zombies who just want the same rights as humans.
August 25, 2022
this was so surprisingly good for some random book about zombies of all things??? id fully read a whole series of these
October 29, 2010
I was hoping for some funny slapstick when I picked this up (which I got), but it's so much more than that. Breathers is a satire lampooning prejudice and civil rights, starring everyman Andy, who wakes up to realize he's dead and unwanted by the world. Browne creates a zombie that makes sense to me: it's not needlessly shuffling and moaning for brains, it's just a normal guy (or gal) who just didn't die after they, well, died, and now are dealing with the social ramifications of not doing what you're ultimately supposed to do -- and slowly rotting while you're at it. His zombies are sad little things, unable to feel physical pain, but feeling emotional pain acutely, as they slowly decompose into oblivion, or have their demise sped up by being donated to science. They are the constant targets of humans (which is funny and creepy at the same time. It's ridiculous and funny when frat boys attack a zombie by ripping off his arm and beating him with it. But at the same time, it's a horror show, and though I'm sure people would protest, I don't think it's that far-fetched of one. Humans are not the most tolerant of beings for sure, and we all seem to forget that the Civil Rights Movement was a) not that long ago, and b) a counter to some pretty horrific -- and sadly common -- things. Like beatings and lynchings. That were public events. That went unpunished. I'm just saying.)
It makes sense that humans, who don't have a great track record to start, would react with so much animosity to zombies: they're unnatural, and religious extremists would have a field day, but more than that, they would cause us to confront what most people spend their lives avoiding: death. To mourn your loved one, only to have them come back and sit, rotting in your basement, is unsettling to say the least. But you'd probably tolerate them, since they are your loved one. But what if it's some nameless not-person that you don't know, making you feel uncomfortable and think about things you avoid at all costs? There's bound to be tension there, and as that builds and becomes more and more uncomfortable, it makes sense that people would lash out. Creepy, but sadly believable. Of course, the open animosity may be exaggerated and a bit unrealistic in its scope, but with satire, that's sort of the point.
Meanwhile, zombies are just not-dead dead guys. They haven't changed all that much, only to discover that their world has. They're not welcome, they're not considered human; they can't vote, or raise the children they've left behind. If they cause a disturbance in public (basically just be being in public), they are sent to the pound, where they are held until someone claims them or three days is up, at which mark they are donated to science. Andy and his zombie friends cope with this stress by attending Undead Anonymous meetings and consuming products with preservatives (like formaldehyde) in them, to slow the rotting, all the while trying to feel some kind of normalcy. What's a zombie to do? Fight the power, of course.
Oh, that and maybe find out if there's anything to that whole eating braaaaaaaaaaains thing...
I really didn't mean for this review to turn into what it did...Simply put, I got what I wanted out of Breathers, only more so. I cared about Andy and was willing to go along with his fight, seeing the zombies as the good guys, and us humans as bad. On top of that, Breathers is genuinely funny; even when I was cringing, I was laughing. The story, and Browne's writing, work on so many levels. It's a touch of Chuck Palahnuik and a touch of Christopher Moore, but in the end, it really is Browne's own. If you're looking for a non-traditional zombie story to kick back and enjoy, this is the one.
It makes sense that humans, who don't have a great track record to start, would react with so much animosity to zombies: they're unnatural, and religious extremists would have a field day, but more than that, they would cause us to confront what most people spend their lives avoiding: death. To mourn your loved one, only to have them come back and sit, rotting in your basement, is unsettling to say the least. But you'd probably tolerate them, since they are your loved one. But what if it's some nameless not-person that you don't know, making you feel uncomfortable and think about things you avoid at all costs? There's bound to be tension there, and as that builds and becomes more and more uncomfortable, it makes sense that people would lash out. Creepy, but sadly believable. Of course, the open animosity may be exaggerated and a bit unrealistic in its scope, but with satire, that's sort of the point.
Meanwhile, zombies are just not-dead dead guys. They haven't changed all that much, only to discover that their world has. They're not welcome, they're not considered human; they can't vote, or raise the children they've left behind. If they cause a disturbance in public (basically just be being in public), they are sent to the pound, where they are held until someone claims them or three days is up, at which mark they are donated to science. Andy and his zombie friends cope with this stress by attending Undead Anonymous meetings and consuming products with preservatives (like formaldehyde) in them, to slow the rotting, all the while trying to feel some kind of normalcy. What's a zombie to do? Fight the power, of course.
Oh, that and maybe find out if there's anything to that whole eating braaaaaaaaaaains thing...
I really didn't mean for this review to turn into what it did...Simply put, I got what I wanted out of Breathers, only more so. I cared about Andy and was willing to go along with his fight, seeing the zombies as the good guys, and us humans as bad. On top of that, Breathers is genuinely funny; even when I was cringing, I was laughing. The story, and Browne's writing, work on so many levels. It's a touch of Chuck Palahnuik and a touch of Christopher Moore, but in the end, it really is Browne's own. If you're looking for a non-traditional zombie story to kick back and enjoy, this is the one.
May 25, 2010
What happens when you die? Well, I assume that you see a light and go one way or the other. RIght? The world goes black and you sleep forever? You get buried? Maybe burned? People mourn for you?
Well, what happens if you are placed in your lovely casket with a fabulous satin bedding and all of the sudden you wake up?
Well, in my opinion... there are tons of screams, some might pass out, and you're sitting there wondering why on earth you are in your Sunday Best.
This is what Breathers is about. The Zombie world that has been kept hidden from us for forever and a day. OH! Hidden you ask? Yes in deedy!! You see... Zombies don't have ANY civil rights and are just the chewed up gum on the bottom of the fat cat's shoe of society.
In this book, ANDY is reanimated after a car wreck. He loses his wife and because zombies aren't allowed to see their kids he also loses his daughter to his wife's brother's family. Andy goes to live with his parents. His Dad's not too cool... well, not cool at ALL to have ANdy living there stinking up the house with his zombie funk and his Mom is trying to act like nothing is different but she won't touch him at all.
Well, how does a newly born zombie deal with all the new horrors of society. I mean: he can't drive, he can't get a job, he has to drink shampoo with flamowdohyde (oh hells! I don't know how to spell that hahas!) in it just to stay fresh, and if you're poor Andy -- well, you've kinda been smushed, have a limp, and your vocal cords aren't working right. Well, what do you do? Why, you go to a zombie support group that meets twice a week!! That's what you do!!
LOLZ! This book is great!! It's like SHaun of the Dead meets Beetleguise meets One Flew over the CooCoo's nest (the movie... never read the book, so I'm guessing they are similar lolz). I laughed, I gasped, I awed (that's right people! Check out the cover!! There is some zombie swoon in it!! I've never read zombie swoon before but it was most excellent), and the ending will leave you wanting more. Actually the ending reminded me of the ending with Jon Connor in Terminator 3. You know the one. Not the new one with the breathy husky voicey Batman in it. No! The one with the younger kid. Yeah, read this book and let me know if you thought that too.
I totally recommend this book to any zombie lover. It doesn't reflect zombies as the big baddies that are just wanting to tear into human flesh. It also shows the softer more cuddlier side of a zombie. OK OK... It does start out with Andy's parents stuffed in his freezer... but I swear... these zombies are cuddlier hahahs!!
Awesome read!
Well, what happens if you are placed in your lovely casket with a fabulous satin bedding and all of the sudden you wake up?
Well, in my opinion... there are tons of screams, some might pass out, and you're sitting there wondering why on earth you are in your Sunday Best.
This is what Breathers is about. The Zombie world that has been kept hidden from us for forever and a day. OH! Hidden you ask? Yes in deedy!! You see... Zombies don't have ANY civil rights and are just the chewed up gum on the bottom of the fat cat's shoe of society.
In this book, ANDY is reanimated after a car wreck. He loses his wife and because zombies aren't allowed to see their kids he also loses his daughter to his wife's brother's family. Andy goes to live with his parents. His Dad's not too cool... well, not cool at ALL to have ANdy living there stinking up the house with his zombie funk and his Mom is trying to act like nothing is different but she won't touch him at all.
Well, how does a newly born zombie deal with all the new horrors of society. I mean: he can't drive, he can't get a job, he has to drink shampoo with flamowdohyde (oh hells! I don't know how to spell that hahas!) in it just to stay fresh, and if you're poor Andy -- well, you've kinda been smushed, have a limp, and your vocal cords aren't working right. Well, what do you do? Why, you go to a zombie support group that meets twice a week!! That's what you do!!
LOLZ! This book is great!! It's like SHaun of the Dead meets Beetleguise meets One Flew over the CooCoo's nest (the movie... never read the book, so I'm guessing they are similar lolz). I laughed, I gasped, I awed (that's right people! Check out the cover!! There is some zombie swoon in it!! I've never read zombie swoon before but it was most excellent), and the ending will leave you wanting more. Actually the ending reminded me of the ending with Jon Connor in Terminator 3. You know the one. Not the new one with the breathy husky voicey Batman in it. No! The one with the younger kid. Yeah, read this book and let me know if you thought that too.
I totally recommend this book to any zombie lover. It doesn't reflect zombies as the big baddies that are just wanting to tear into human flesh. It also shows the softer more cuddlier side of a zombie. OK OK... It does start out with Andy's parents stuffed in his freezer... but I swear... these zombies are cuddlier hahahs!!
Awesome read!
June 23, 2009
In this self-proclaimed "zom-rom-com" the undead are the sympathetic characters. Victims of trauma are unexpectedly and unexplainably becoming "reanimated." The zombies, all at different stages of acceptance, ability and decomposition, are outcasts of society. Their second class citizen treatment ranges from harassment (assault and limb-stealing) to SPCA imprisonment for curfew violations, with termination imminent if a human family member, or Breather, doesn't bail them out.
Some cope by meeting in AA-styled group sessions. In Undead Anonymous, Andy develops a crush on the lovely Rita (a suicide victim) and meets several unique and interesting individuals, including the charismatic Ray, a self-sufficient zombie who refuses to be disenfranchised and rallies the others for equal rights for the reanimated.
This very funny satire manages to not take itself too seriously without getting campy. Browne deftly balances humor with pathos, and gore with romance. The vivid writing flows, delivering a satisfying pace and many amusing scenes. Characterizations are strong, and the voice steady throughout. My one criticism is that there is a hair of predictability to the story, but the ending still didn't play out exactly as I thought.
The opening draws the reader in immediately: Andy comes to in his parents kitchen, suspecting he has just killed them. From there, Browne delivers a backstory that relates what life is like as a zombie that one could analogize to being a minority, gay, or even, a teen - others tend to make snap judgments about members of these communities and may be intolerant to varying degrees.
Some cope by meeting in AA-styled group sessions. In Undead Anonymous, Andy develops a crush on the lovely Rita (a suicide victim) and meets several unique and interesting individuals, including the charismatic Ray, a self-sufficient zombie who refuses to be disenfranchised and rallies the others for equal rights for the reanimated.
This very funny satire manages to not take itself too seriously without getting campy. Browne deftly balances humor with pathos, and gore with romance. The vivid writing flows, delivering a satisfying pace and many amusing scenes. Characterizations are strong, and the voice steady throughout. My one criticism is that there is a hair of predictability to the story, but the ending still didn't play out exactly as I thought.
The opening draws the reader in immediately: Andy comes to in his parents kitchen, suspecting he has just killed them. From there, Browne delivers a backstory that relates what life is like as a zombie that one could analogize to being a minority, gay, or even, a teen - others tend to make snap judgments about members of these communities and may be intolerant to varying degrees.
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