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298 pages, Hardcover
First published August 2, 2022
“None of us are truly good,” the vicar said, at last. He put a hand on her shoulder, so gently, so kindly, and she almost threw up on the spot. “All we can do is live by the light we are given.”
“Some of us don’t have any light,” Devon said. “How are we supposed to live, then?”
The concept of outside didn’t exist for one such as Nycteris, nor could it ever. Her upbringing had given her such a fixed perspective that, even when encountering something new, she could only process it along the lines already drawn for her.As I read about Devon’s childhood, I found a few instances of sexism in the kind of life she lived. Not a big deal right? And as she grew up and went ahead with the motions expected of her in life, Sunyi gradually weaved in more and more situations and circumstances that clearly illustrated the dangers of growing within the constraints placed upon us by the only way of life we think is possible, and by never questioning the need for change in centuries worth of traditions. Each of her experiences, as well as those of the other characters with significant page time, highlight the extreme inequality that is so normalised by unquestioningly living a life we are told to strive for.
Love doesn’t have a cost. It’s just a choice you make, they way you choose to keep breathing or keep living. It’s not about worth and it’s not about price. Those concepts don’t apply.This is not just a book that speaks about the truly awful practice that patriarchy is, but also a tale full of hope. It is one that celebrates motherhood, and shows Devon grow into her mom-strength, and battle obstacles the best she can, accept her losses, and make such heartbreakingly difficult choices in the face of necessity and survival, fighting even when cornered, growing into relationships with those that eventually become her found family.
"And so she looked down at her son and loved him with the kind of twisted, complex feeling that came from having never wanted him in the first place; she loved him with bitterness, and she loved him with resignation. She loved him though she knew no good could ever come from such a bond."