this set of novellas should be used sparingly. to punish some of our nation's worst criminals, or on people who think buttered popcorn jellybeans are this set of novellas should be used sparingly. to punish some of our nation's worst criminals, or on people who think buttered popcorn jellybeans are good.
i'm aware that that's a redundant statement.
every ali hazelwood book is - small girl big man - small girl quirky, big man serious - big man pining, small girl unaware - big man f*cks small girl without a condom
this girl is said once to be tall, but she is also said to be small-boned (?) so it's the same as ever.
also the pervasiveness of the "i'm on the pill" / "can i come inside you" conversation within these 3 novellas is disturbing. i really really really would prefer not to know strangers' (read: authors') sexual kinks, but you read the identical sex scenes in this AND the love hypothesis AND love on the brain AND the first novella AND the second novella and do the math.
i unfortunately already have. i have done not only the math, but near identical rant reviews four times. (i am debating rereading the love hypothesis, probably discovering i now hate it, and making it an even five.)
feel free to read any of those to reconstruct my suffering alongside me.
bottom line: ALI HAZELWOOD WHAT HAVE YOU MADE ME BECOME.
---------------- currently-reading updates
i'm just hate reading at this point
---------------- tbr review
what do i have to do to get more ali hazelwood. i'll do anything.
as long as anything doesn't include sending an email or trying very hard. i'm only human
Merged review:
this set of novellas should be used sparingly. to punish some of our nation's worst criminals, or on people who think buttered popcorn jellybeans are good.
i'm aware that that's a redundant statement.
every ali hazelwood book is - small girl big man - small girl quirky, big man serious - big man pining, small girl unaware - big man f*cks small girl without a condom
this girl is said once to be tall, but she is also said to be small-boned (?) so it's the same as ever.
also the pervasiveness of the "i'm on the pill" / "can i come inside you" conversation within these 3 novellas is disturbing. i really really really would prefer not to know strangers' (read: authors') sexual kinks, but you read the identical sex scenes in this AND the love hypothesis AND love on the brain AND the first novella AND the second novella and do the math.
i unfortunately already have. i have done not only the math, but near identical rant reviews four times. (i am debating rereading the love hypothesis, probably discovering i now hate it, and making it an even five.)
feel free to read any of those to reconstruct my suffering alongside me.
bottom line: ALI HAZELWOOD WHAT HAVE YOU MADE ME BECOME.
---------------- currently-reading updates
i'm just hate reading at this point
---------------- tbr review
what do i have to do to get more ali hazelwood. i'll do anything.
as long as anything doesn't include sending an email or trying very hard. i'm only human...more
sure, i haven't liked any books by this author before, but what if this time is differentsure, i haven't liked any books by this author before, but what if this time is different...more
so this was not my favorite romance novel of all time, but it would've been a really, really good dream. i'm 100% giving this 3 stars, but i would've so this was not my favorite romance novel of all time, but it would've been a really, really good dream. i'm 100% giving this 3 stars, but i would've been, like, super bummed to wake up after spending a sleep in it.
so that has to count for something.
(review to come)
--------------------- tbr review
i like one (1) romance and suddenly the author's whole backlist is on my tbr...more
this was a short book that was mostly about two things: - overcoming hyper-specific and very disturbing trauma - smut.
these are talia hibbert forever!
this was a short book that was mostly about two things: - overcoming hyper-specific and very disturbing trauma - smut.
these are two things that i don't love in my romances in general, and especially in combination due to the breakneck tone shifts switching back and forth between them entails, but i enjoy everything by talia hibbert and it was nice to read about these two nice people being nice to each other.
in the moments that weren't, you know. the stuff that makes me upset and the stuff that makes me blush like a proper old woman.
i'm sorry. i wish i was cool.
bottom line: not my favorite talia hibbert, but still by talia hibbert.
if i had a nickel for every time one of my most anticipated releases was about dark academia enemies to lovers college students entering hell, i'd havif i had a nickel for every time one of my most anticipated releases was about dark academia enemies to lovers college students entering hell, i'd have two nickels. which isn't a lot but it's kind of weird it happened twice...more
if i like a romance novel, i am prepared to throw a themed parade, sing titles from the rooftops, bake between 9 and 21 cakes in the shape of letters if i like a romance novel, i am prepared to throw a themed parade, sing titles from the rooftops, bake between 9 and 21 cakes in the shape of letters in order to spell out the writer's name, and/or give up my everyday life to marry the concept of the story like when nuns marry jesus or whatever.
so reading the author's other books seems like the least i can do. ...more
it is not realistic, it does not progress logically, it does not care about following the precedent it has set for itself. it's kithis book is a lot.
it is not realistic, it does not progress logically, it does not care about following the precedent it has set for itself. it's kind of confusing and everything happens really fast and emotionally and the romance and the friendships essentially just spring up fully formed like the greek gods who popped out of zeus's head.
(you read that correctly. this is, ostensibly, a romance, and the love story that is, presumably, the plot doesn't really unfold in any sort of narrative way. but it's fine. we have 300 pages of dialogue to get through.)
what it IS: fun. it's funny and silly. it's 99% conversations made just for the terminally online.
by book standards, i don't know how much i loved this (no plot, characters kind of hard to track), but if i pretend it was a blog or 1,200 tweets i'm like...masterpiece.
bottom line: a great book for when you really want to be scrolling.
----------------------- tbr review
pinning my happiness hopes dreams and optimism on whether i like a romance novel again. which is kinda romantic if you ask me...more
my three loves in life are books, travel, and food.
some of my honorable mentions: banter, wine, flirting, hot people, scenery, public transit, cities,my three loves in life are books, travel, and food.
some of my honorable mentions: banter, wine, flirting, hot people, scenery, public transit, cities, fun facts, desserts, getting drunk, the lgbtq+ community, old friends, inside jokes, sluts, and movies.
all of those things, and also more things, are in this book.
i have spent my whole life (or the last few years) wanting to like a casey mcquiston book. prior to today i have tried three times, and i have failed three times. some, including a fictionalized version of albert einstein (potentially the college dorm room poster version with his tongue sticking out), would say this meets the definition of insanity.
i'd call it perseverance.
and i'd point you in the direction of this book as exhibit a.
when i first started this, i chanted "i am going to have fun" like a mantra, hoping my sheer stubbornness and inability to learn a lesson would translate into a minor miracle. and guess what. it worked.
this book was A Lot, including in its overlong page count and overwritten yearning (ESPECIALLY by the end), but otherwise in all the ways i like. lots of dumb hot people doing dumb hot people things, and lots of food, and lots of bad jokes.
it's what life is all about.
bottom line: huge win for being stubborn.
-------------------- tbr review
if i do not find a romance that makes me swoon, giggle, and want to die of emotion in the next 3-5 business weeks, i may pass away.
update: phew.
(3.5 / thanks to the publisher for the e-arc)...more
i have marked 1,865 books as read on goodreads. i have reviewed 1,813 of them. of those, i would say at least 1,727 had at least one complaint. and STi have marked 1,865 books as read on goodreads. i have reviewed 1,813 of them. of those, i would say at least 1,727 had at least one complaint. and STILL, i just discovered a whole new negative thing to say:
this book is all feelings. the characters don't really have personality traits, they have emotions. they don't have development, they have new feelings. there is no romance, just instalove. there isn't really a plot, just people going through feelings together (for a podcast) and people going through feelings together (that will eventually lead to them being together).
it makes it all feel shallow, like there's no actual connection between these people or their story, and that means there's no connection between the reader and the book.
for this reader, at least.
bottom line: you learn something new every day. i already knew i was a soulless void, but today i learned a new effect of that.
------------------------ tbr review
what's your favorite niche book trope? mine is road trips.
unfortunately this is not really a road trip book. my bad.
pssst...emily henry's screenwriter for beach read wrote a romance novel...
and you can probably skip it.
this was a weird book.
it uses the word vague apssst...emily henry's screenwriter for beach read wrote a romance novel...
and you can probably skip it.
this was a weird book.
it uses the word vague a lot, and it loves to murmur. it has a lot of italics, for no real discernible reason. there's a whole scene where it seems like it might be sponsored by scrivener (credit to halle)?
more seriously, it creates a very troubled romance with very troubled characters and puts them in a love story it will take 300 pages to untangle into something resembling a happily ever after, except we never really get to their individual personal issues.
except forget about their respective personal issues because we don't have time to get to those.
helen never makes real friendships, and grant doesn't either. parental relationships are left unresolved. they get back together, but the why feels unsolved at best.
and then there's the worst crime of all...this is so devastatingly unfunny.
a lot of the time in modern life, rom coms are more like rom drams, featuring characters navigating wildly upsetting interpersonal crises with a romance in the background and the occasional line of banter.
i actually don't mind that much, because i'm obsessed with drama and it helps to soothe the part of me that is constantly one bolt of confidence away from asking my acquaintances why they broke up.
but the drama in this was SO crazy, and the jokes SO unforgivably bad (to the point that i wouldn't know they were supposed to be jokes if it didn't literally say "he joked"), that i was more like...why would i root for these people at all.
while questioning if i know what jokes are at all, in the emotional equivalent of when you use the word "joke" so much it doesn't look like a word anymore. which is also happening.
it also relies on chemistry instead of intimacy, with a lot more sex scenes than romantic ones.
i read an interview with the author in which she says that she wrote this early in the morning and late at night while working on an emily henry script, and i hate to say it shows. this reads like the compiled discarded bits of something distractedly written by her.
that would be the meanest thing i've ever said if i didn't love emily henry so much.
the REAL haunting was the disappointment we found along the way.
and we found so many:
the names in this — lucky, maverick, rebel — are so insane as to the REAL haunting was the disappointment we found along the way.
and we found so many:
the names in this — lucky, maverick, rebel — are so insane as to actually continually take me out of the story. it's like reading a quirky romance novel while a series of "unique baby names i love but am not going to use" instagram reels autoplays at the same time.
beyond that, the romance (which is, yes, the plot), centers around maverick (sigh), who is a supernatural ghost hunter type tv show guy, being extremely protective of lucky (don’t even get me started), who is…also a supernatural type tv show ghost person.
i do not like Alpha Male Protection type setups at the best of times and this particular one is just ridiculous. this is the rough equivalent of the vp of your department calling you at 9:45 am every monday through friday while you write emails because he’s worried for your safety. THIS IS JUST WHAT BOTH OF YOU DO FOR A LIVING.
she also says at one point, completely seriously, that she avoids anywhere she thinks ghosts might be. she says this in conversation with her ghost-hunter love interest, while in their second haunted location, while in the midst of filming their second ghost-centered project.
there are so many moments like that: very self-serious, emotional conversations that actually have no connection to what is literally going on. i don't know if i've ever felt this before, let alone said it, but it seems like this book was written on vibes. no plot, no plan. just whatever happens happens, logic be damned.
this book is so weird, and so unnecessarily long, and so frustrating. i can't quote to you from my ARC but it also feels...the polite term would be "under-edited."
i can really see why so many of the reviews are from readers who couldn't get through it.
bottom line: i didn't DNF this book, but i might as well have.
the definition of insanity is how i keep thinking i'm going to find a new romance favorite if i just try one more.
look at what happened.
i came away frthe definition of insanity is how i keep thinking i'm going to find a new romance favorite if i just try one more.
look at what happened.
i came away from this book, which is, if my memory serves correctly (it doesn't), 880 pages long (400 of which are just describing the various combinations of emotions in human expressions), with so many questions. where are our protagonist's parents? she's like a disney princess: absent parents, one dead sibling, one conveniently absent sibling. if our protagonist has multiple full time and part time staff members, why can she never leave her storefront (including after closing)? was she sad or not about her breakup? it says both. what did her sister die of? i don't think it ever says, in spire referencing the being-dead part every other page. and how many scones can one person eat??? buy a f*cking lean cuisine! meal prep! oh my god!
at this point i'm ready to call in a wellness check for our protagonist, june. every time she laughs it's sharp. i'm concerned for the well-being of her esophagus.
none of these characters have any motivations beyond, ostensibly, "doing the most" and "getting on my nerves." why would a side character who is trying to get a prestigious journalism job benefit from writing gossip content of the kind they specifically say is useless? why would our protagonist say she can't get a drink with her best friend and brother, because she's...getting a drink? why would our protagonist go on the reality show her ex cheated on her on? why would said ex date her for TEN YEARS, dragging her internationally while doing so, without ever saying i love you?? why would our love interest repeatedly entertain an ex who cheated on him?
i didn't even understand this friends to lovers trope. our protagonist's dead sister is our love interest's childhood best friend, and that's their connection? it seems like they were just trading piggyback rides throughout high school, which as an older sister would have p*ssed me off too.
anyway. on top of that, our protagonist is annoying and our love interest is the worst kind of f*ckboy: a "nice guy" who just so happens to be acting like a sh*t every other page.
and if you're wondering why i won't use the characters' names, it's because they're june and levi. ridiculous. these people should be named ashley and matt.
truly i want to live inside one of her books: full of magic and baked goods and romance and small towns awritten by sarah hogle is all i need to know.
truly i want to live inside one of her books: full of magic and baked goods and romance and small towns and banter and everything that's good on earth. you deserve each other is still the only romance novel i've ever given five stars. no one is doing it like her.
my only complaint from this book is i wanted MORE: more sisters, more nieces, more small-town cuteness, more pastries, more quirky landlords. i want to know if the sisters get their business back, i want to read about our couple's happy family farm-y future. (i love alliteration.)
this book is a lot — A LOT of big feelings from the get-go, a lot of grand declarations, a lot of over-the-top quirkiness. all of it would've bugged in another book. but here, as with every hogle book, all of it is fun and weird and wonderful.
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