Herbert Lom: Charles Dreyfus

The Pink Panther Strikes Again

Charles Dreyfus

[Clouseau has dressed himself as a local doctor/dentist in order to gain access to the gothic castle that is Dreyfus' headquarters; he is now examining Dreyfus for a bad tooth, but accidentally puts his thumb in Dreyfus' eye instead]
Dreyfus: OW! My eye!
Clouseau: Your eye? I thought it was your tooth.
Dreyfus: Hmm? It IS my tooth!
Clouseau: I wish you'd make your mind up; I don't normally make castle-calls in the middle of the night yeu kneuw!

Clouseau: [after Dreyfus is knocked into the river for a second and third time and Clouseau thinks he is trying to hide that he's upset] I'm afraid today is just not your day, my friend.
Dreyfus: [quickly stands up] Oh, but it is! It is, my "friend" after three, long terrible years it is AT LAST my day! I will not permit, "repeat," not permit anything..."repeat" anything to spoil it. Now, I will walk you to the gate, to the car which should rightfully be mine. And then I will kiss you goodbye!
[kisses Clouseau's cheeks]
Dreyfus: And then I will have my meeting with the sanity commission, and they will set me free! And then...
[gets hit in the head with an arrow and turns to Clouseau]
Dreyfus: I will kill you!
[starts choking him]
Clouseau: [running away] Francois! Start the car!
Dreyfus: [chasing close behind] KILL YOU! KILL YOU!

Margo Fassbender: What are you going to do?
Dreyfus: Something so very, very painful, so hideous, your father will have no choice but to cooperate.
[puts on a glove, with very sharp claws attached to the finger sockets, and walks to the blackboard]
Margo Fassbender: No!
[Dreyfus nods, and scrapes his clawed glove down the blackbird, making a hideous screeching noise]

Dreyfus: Now this is my plan. Step number one: I will recruit the world's greatest criminal mind. Step number two: I will build an organization so sinister, so powerful, that by comparison La Cosa Nostra will seem like the Vienna Boys' Choir!

[Refering to the aftermath of the Doomsday device]
Dreyfus: What do you suppose they will call the crater, huh? The Dreyfus Ditch?
Dr. Fassbender: There shall be no crater.
Dreyfus: No crater? But I want a crater! I want wreckage, twisted metal. Something the world will not forget!
Dr. Fassbender: They won't forget today.
Dreyfus: They won't? Wonderful. I have to tinkle again. Don't do anything till I get back.

Dreyfus: He has pulled the wrong tooth! There's only one man who would pull the wrong tooth. It's Clouseau! Kill him! Kill him!

Marty the Mugger: You have several of the world's greatest criminal minds right here, in this very room.
Bruce the Knife: Yeah, why don't we take care of it ourselves?
Dreyfus: Because you wouldn't stand a chance.
[Crims murmur disbelief]
Dreyfus: You don't know Clouseau.
Tournier (a.k.a. Tony the bank robber): He can't be that good.
Dreyfus: Good? Ha, he's not good, he's terrible; he's the worst. There's not another man like him anywhere in the world. Compared to Clouseau this doomsday machine, it's just a mere water pistol.

Clouseau: You have received a beump on the head.
Dreyfus: Beump?
Clouseau: What?
Dreyfus: You said beump.
Clouseau: Yes, I know that. It is a large beump. You could receive the concussion from such a beump.

Dr. Fassbender: When can my daughter and I leave?
Dreyfus: When Clouseau is no more, perhaps.
Dr. Fassbender: I have done everything you asked.
Dreyfus: You've done everything I asked so far, but I have not asked everything.
Dr. Fassbender: What you mean is that you have no intention of letting us go. You plan to continue your reign of terror whether Clouseau is eliminated or not.
Dreyfus: I must admit the thought had occurred to me.

Dreyfus: Now we'll see who has the last laugh. They've all betrayed me, and now they will have to pay. What shall I destroy? Buckingham Palace? Too small. How about London? Not big enough. England! Yes, England.

Clouseau: Allow me to assist you.
Dreyfus: No! I'm fine. Never better. Just a little... a little shaky. Probably the shock of... I mean, the surprise of seeing you here again today.

Psychiatrist: CLOUSEAU!
Dreyfus: Now Doctor, there are some who would find your methods rather unorthodox.
Psychiatrist: Just seeing if I am a better Doctor than you are a Detective.

Dreyfus: No crater? But, I want a crater. I want wreckage! Twisted metal. Something the world will not forget.
Dr. Fassbender: They will not forget today.
Dreyfus: They won't? Wonderful! I have to tinkle again. Don't do anything till I get back.
Dr. Fassbender: Too late. The countdown started. One minute!