User reviews

A fashion photographer (Brian Thompson) and seven models travel to a South American island fortress, ostensibly to do a fashion shoot. In reality, the photographer is a mercenary and their job is to free an imprisoned rebel leader. The director describes it as "Magnificent Seven" with women.

This is really the height of 1990s cheese. It has the sensibility of a 1980s action film, and that is not surprisingly since it was probably filmed in 1989. All the excess and over-the-top things you expect. Brian Thompson may not be Stallone or Schwarzenegger, but he knows what to do in this sort of role. Is he a cheesy actor? Very much... his delivery of lines is pretty rough. Apparently, he was the director's son-in-law at the time, possibly explaining his casting.

Oliver Reed appears, and it has been a few years since he was the big star of "The Brood" or "Curse of the Werewolf" (among his many other achievements). The most notable thing about his role in this film is a very big mustache that makes him almost unrecognizable. The director freely describes him as a "hostile drunk" who abused his wife; he was gentle when sober, but he was rarely sober. Thompson concurs saying, "I never saw Oliver Reed sober."

Besides the excellent 2K restoration, the Arrow Video release includes audio commentary with editor Barry Zetlin (who has a very impressive resume of horror and cult films and talks at length about his career), and brand new interviews with director Nico Mastorakis and star Brian Thompson.

This is a movie with cult potential.Brian Thompson(in a rare leading role.)is the misogynistic soldier of fortune called on to lead an army of seven beautiful fashion models/ mercenaries to rescue an imprisoned leader from a despotic regime.Good supporting cast in the shape of the late Oliver Reed and Jose Ferrar.It also features a gay kiss scene(of sorts) between Reed and Thompson!The dialogue is cliched, but the action is good.The girls look as if they escaped from a Robert Palmer video.Good voyeuristic fun!

You couldn't make it up. Except they did: it took two guys to write the story of Frank Ryan, a tough mercenary (played by the inimitable Brian Thompson) who's hired to rescue a foreign rebel leader, and does so by teaming up with a bevy of hot female agents and posing as a gay fashion photographer on a location shoot. Thompson even gets to kiss Oliver Reed and then shoot all his bodyguards.

Every line is a classic. Random quote: "Murder, blood, and paranoia are going to make fine company where you're going." The direction is equal to the words. Nico Mastorakis (aided by Peter Rader) is a trash auteur of Albert Pyun proportions and aside from some okay Steadicam shots the movie is as flat as painted brickwork.

Reed plays the bad guy, Bartos, with an outrageous Johnny Foreigner accent and that walrus moustache of his. He's keeping the rebel leader captive and somehow can't see through the good guys' ruse. Too busy molesting his female staff, perhaps. Meanwhile, Frank's boss is played by George Kennedy, who you'll remember foaming at the mouth in The Naked Gun.

The editing is in a league of its own awfulness. There's a scene early on when Frank is creeping into Bartos's office, and we keep cutting back to the party downstairs for half a second at a time. It's not tense, it's just jarring. And in the final shootout it's virtually impossible to tell who's shooting who.

All of this should add up to a dismal movie, but there's too much fun and conviction and energy for it to be wholly dismissed. Kind of like Plan 9 in that regard. And there's a legitimately great scene where Frank is reporting back to the boss on a bugged line, so he's having to convey his progress via fashion metaphors - "Cosmo are 'dying' to meet!" Unfortunately there's not enough action, and precious little peril, to achieve the Commando gold standard of 80s action movie rewatchability. (Well, it just snuck into 1990.) What there's plenty of is camp, including numerous big-haired fashion shoot/military training montages and more than one raucous female prison. Plus henchmen so stupid they make video game A.I. of the time look smart. Oh yes, and the worst sex scene in film history, complete with actual pan pipes.

Put this one on your 'So Bad It's Good' shelf. It's objectively terrible but somehow irresistible.

This film made at the turn of the 90's decade, looks and feels like those terrible 80's, B movies (that went straight to a video release). Obviously there were a few gems in the genre but this is just such a tired formula, where gunfire and explosions replace anything like a decent script, or the development of character. I only watched as Oliver Reed stars but even he sinks down to such a base level and 'hired to kill' only features only a couple of odd, enjoyable moments.

I love this director. First, he gave us Island of Death, an utterly outrageous and hilarious piece of video nasty trash. Then, after thinking that was the only film he'd ever made, I found myself watching Nightmare at Noon, a Crazies style film with plenty of action and hoots. Now, I've sat through Hired to Kill, and although it's not as good as those two films, it still has plenty of daftness to keep my attention.

Brian Thompson is one of those secret service types hired to infiltrate a despotic country and overthrow dictator Oliver Reed, but not just that, he's got to do it posing as a gay fashion designer with an entourage of special forces beauties posing as models. So it's kind of like the dirty dozen remade by Vogue magazine, including the obligatory training scene, and the obligatory fashion model shoot. No wonder Oliver Reed looks perplexed (and a little bit toasted in a couple of scenes).

This is all pretty fun stuff, but there's a lack of action for the first hour or so. Still, there's the standout scene where Oliver Reed checks whether or not Thompson is actually gay or not which had me in stitches. I'm not even sure Reed was expecting to be kissed by Thompson because his surprise seems pretty genuine. Great stuff.

When I checked for the first time the IMDB page for HIRED TO KILL I was torn between curiosity and repulsion. Curiosity because it has lots of good looking women, lots of exotic locations and also George Kennedy and Josè Ferrer in the cast. Repulsion because it has a low score and the lead is played by Brian Thompson (who at that time looked like the poor man's version of Sylvester Stallone and Jean Claude Van Damme). However I ended up enjoying it very much and I couldn't believe the bad reputation this movie had for years.

The movie is about mercenary Frank Ryan (Thompson) who is summoned by Agent Thomas (Kennedy) to go to Cyprus and free a revolutionary leader (Ferrer) held hostage by President Bartos (Oliver Reed). At the beginning Frank is reluctant, but in the end he accepts and he has its own plan: he poses as a fashion photographer and lets some women mercenaries pose as his models and after some photoshoots they go to the mission. How they will make it? See the movie.

This movie is nothing special. It has lots of action and some cool sequences here and there. I think that people who lived in the 1990s and who even saw it back then would have lots of nostalgia since there are also some songs of that period.

However, don't expect a masterpiece of the action genre like DIE HARD or POINT BREAK. Just think about it like one of the many B-movies of the genre that were made in a period when they usually went also straight to video that can be enjoyed even by non-fans of the genre.

Some dingle berry and his band of lesbos must assassinate some revolutionary guy. Hired To Kill is a boring stupid slow paced sphincter. You'll have to wait like an hour for any action to manifest and whatever action sequence is there is lazy and devoid of any form of intensity. And the story is uninteresting with zero originality. It does have a few clever dialogue moments and a couple of scenes that stand out like Brain keeping his dyke b·····s in line. Yay, cis patriarchy. It's a shame they wasted the talents of Brain Thompson and George Kennedy and I love b movie action movies but Hired To Kill is an empty soulless vessel.

When I heard Brian Thompson had starred in an action movie I was very interested in checking it out.

As others have noted, he has a manner of speaking lines which is either unintentionally amusing or brilliantly sardonic. You can't be sure but that is what makes it so enjoyable.

The movie plot is absurd and yet played serious.

The first half hour or so is a barrage of ridiculously funny lines spoken without jest.

There's a mercenary with a UK accent who gets some of the best lines like: "Ladies! Ladies! You're behaving like trashy tarts in a hair salon."

The later half is along the lines of a standard action film and it is well shot and choreographed with some big explosions. There is a stunt man hanging from a helicopter scene which looks very dangerous.

The notable guest stars like Jose Ferrer and George Kennedy do their standard professional effort with what they have--but the highlight as others mentioned is the scene between Thompson and Oliver Reed. I think it shows Thompson is very savvy with performance--it reminds me that it was him in the Terminator who first notices a naked Arnie walking towards them and says: "what's wrong with this picture?"

This movie gives the impression that the worst thing anyone ever asked Brian Thompson to do was to try to act. Whether one can pin the credit on screenwriter Fred Perry or, more likely, director Nico Mastorakis, the notion also comes across that the rest of the cast were shoved into small corners where the same holds true for their performances. 'Heavy-handed' is one word we could use to describe the writing and direction; "indelicate" is another. The script includes tawdry and wholly unnecessary sexism, homophobia, and racism, and even the way female characters are written sometimes feels stereotypical and problematic. Meanwhile, even in instances where a slight measure of cleverness is demanded, the movie leaps out of bounds to take a different tack that's simply dubious (watch the scene in which Thompson and George Kennedy's characters speak in code). 'Hired to kill' at least stops short of being fully exploitative, though the small bits of gratuitous nudity are tired, and it otherwise treads a thin line. This isn't altogether terrible, but at its worst, there are times when it seems like it's trying to be.

True, the feature doesn't particularly pretend to be anything it's not, and I think anyone who stumbles upon it will know pretty well what they're in for. If you want an action-adventure romp and don't mind if it's second- or third-tier, this is the movie for you. On the other hand: 'Hired to kill' could have been a piece of purposefully overwrought, deadpan, tongue-in-cheek majesty - some lines and small inclusions are almost brilliant. Instead, even as it's distinctly overcooked at points, it feels like the picture is a little too self-serious for its own good. It's like the film didn't entirely know what it wanted to be, the tone it wanted to strike.

Still, credit where it's due: recognizing the level this title is operating on, it's modestly enjoyable. I love the filming locations, and the production design is fairly solid. The costume design and hair and makeup work are good. Action sequences aren't half bad; stunts are well done, and the effects that primarily include a lot of explosions. Putting aside guidance of the cast, Mastorakis' direction is competent. I question some of the sound effects - did you know bullets make a similar "plop" noise as paintball projectiles when they impact the human body? - but overall the contributions of those behind the scenes are pretty great, and 'Hired to kill' is technically sound.

What it comes down to, I suppose, is that I just wish a tad more mindful care were put into the writing and direction. Find your voice, and dispense with boorish indulgences, and I could even overlook a plot that is satisfactory but less than remarkable. These are the biggest weaknesses of the feature; improve on them and there's still no mistaking that this is hardly a major studio blockbuster, but it would have come off better. All the same, there are worse ways to spend 90 minutes. There's no reason 'Hired to kill' is going to be remembered in the annals of cinema history, and you definitely don't need to go out of your way for it. But for an action flick of this nature it's passably entertaining, so provided that you're not expecting more, then just relax and have fun.

Hired to Kill (1990)

** (out of 4)

A government man (George Kennedy) hires mercenary Frank Ryan (Brian Thompson) to sneak into a South American location and take out a ruthless leader (Oliver Reed) who is holding an important man (Jose Ferrer) hostage. Frank goes undercover as a gay photographer and his "models" are actually trained agents.

HIRED TO KILL comes from director Nico Mastorakis who is best remembered for his notorious film ISLAND OF DEATH. This action picture certainly isn't in the same league but if you enjoy these low-rent action movies then you should get some kicks out of this one. Obviously there's nothing ground-breaking here but there are enough campy moments to keep you entertained. Plus, viewing this film twenty-five plus years after it was made, you can't help but smile thinking back on these types of movies that were made with such famous cast members.

The entire plot to this thing is pretty stupid but in many ways you have to think parts of the screenplay are a spoof on the genre. A gay photographer? The film manages to be at its most fun during the finale when various explosion and gun fights are happening. The stunts are all well done and the explosions are great, although sadly a stuntman did lose his life. The biggest problem with the film is that there's just not too much that happens for the first hour. There are way too many dialogue scenes and not enough action.

With that said, the cast is great or at least greatly entertaining. Thompson certainly wasn't a great actor but I thought he fit this role just perfectly. Reed, I'm sure drunk, is fun to watch as is both Kennedy and Ferrer in their small roles. The woman all look good and play up the sexuality, which is never a bad thing.

Hired to Kill is like if Andy Sidaris made The Expendables but with none of his usual energy. It boasts performances bad enough to make even Arnie wince, forgettable action and comedy that is completely unintentional. Yet, it's a pitch-perfect encapsulation of 90s direct-to-video shlock with a fairly meaty budget given all the explosions and globe-trotting location work, with fan favourite Brian Thompson getting to play the hero for once and bolstered by relatively memorable supporting roles by frigging Oliver Reed and George Kennedy. There's no real style to the direction but it's all done with competency and earnestness which shine through the film's otherwise weaker aspects while Jerry Grant's score feels like it was constructed from the outtakes he had left over from his work on Magnum P. I. and The A-Team. While it's a little dull at points, Hired to Kill is still an entertaining and pacey little B-movie, if a bit bloodless.

I love these old action movies with bad actors and all the cliches, they're simply just so funny. If you liked showdown in little tokyo or any of Arnolds action movies, then you'll like this :) Too bad this one wasn't shown in cinemas and I had to rent the DVD. So if you have a good sounds system and a thing for old action movies, then GET THIS ONE!!!

If you watch as many Direct-to-Video Low-Budget action movies as I do, then you know that a majority of them are just alright. Some end up being forgettable, some end up being just plain terrible, and then some will just blindside you out of nowhere and end up being amazing. This is one of those films.

Brian Thompson (Cobra) plays Frank Ryan, a mercenary who's hired to sneak into South America and rescue an imprisoned rebel leader. To do this, he must go undercover as a gay fashion designer, and will have to hire and train 7 women to be both models and assassins to be able to pull this job off.

You'll know in the first 5 minutes whether this film is your cup of tea or not, because right off the bat, it's blatantly absurd in a very cheesy late 80's/early 90's kind of way - the kind of action film I just so happen to be obsessed with. None of it is on purpose either, it's all done straight in a legitimate way, which makes it all the more amazing and hilarious. If you're into this kind of thing, then Hired to Kill delivers on every level. It's a film that, while a bit goofy, fires on all cylinders to deliver exactly the kind of action film experience that I just love to death; cheese, action, explosions, nudity, one-liners, awesome and unintentionally hilarious.

Brian Thompson just rules so hard in this. What can I say? Thompson is a bad-ass in this. He really is. From his very first second of screen time, which is literally the very first image of the film, he exudes a cool, tough guy, machismo that is a bit ridiculous, yet so unintentionally silly and hilarious. How cool is he? Well, when his alarm clock goes off, instead of just pressing a button to turn it off, he instead pulls out a gun from under his pillow and shoots it, without ever opening his eyes. That kind of cool. His "I don't give a ****" attitude is what really sells it though. First and foremost, it's the cheesy dialogue, but it's also in his delivery. He seems to just really hate women in general, and because of this, his character is fascinatingly entertaining in an overly macho way, like he's overcompensating for something. It's highly amusing, and Brian Thompson sells it like nobody else does. It's really a shame he never got the chance to do more films like this as an action star. If this film proves anything, it's that Thompson should have been given more opportunities like this other than typically playing a villain.

I'd never heard of Greek writer/director Nico Mastorakis before this. It seems though that he was a pretty busy guy, throwing out a good 2-3 films per year during the 80's and 90's. I think what surprised me a bit was that he didn't just stick to action. Comedy seemed to be a genre he constantly came back to, as well as horror and thrillers. Yet, if this film is any indication, action seemed to be his calling. As I look into them all though, it seems the "quality" of his work varied greatly from film to film, as is usually the case with these type of filmmakers. Jim Wynorski, Richard Pepin and Joseph Merhi are other examples of genre directors I love for certain films, but tend to offer work that is sub-par, or falls flat for the most part. It would seem Mastorakis easily falls under the same category; a director who has a few solid standouts, but otherwise who's large output of films are pretty forgettable. It's a bit disappointing too, because just based on his work in this film, he does a pretty great job in terms of his camera setups, action sequences and editing. Or, a decent enough job that benefits the material.

There's so much to love about this film. Not only does it deliver on the action, but just the premise alone, about training 7 women to become assassins, and heading into South America under the false pretense that they're famous fashion models, is just ridiculously awesome. There are moments that the film is just so absurd, that they apparently didn't stop and think how plausible any of it would be. For example, there's a scene where Ryan (Brian Thompson) is training the women in a camp ground, and using cardboard cutouts as targets that pop up. Some of them are of him, and some of them are of the notorious leader they'll be going up against to get to the other leader they're attempting to rescue. The bad guy is none other than Oliver Reed. Yes, that's right. And so when these cardboard cutouts of him appear it's quite hilarious. You think "how did they get this perfect image of him? And when and how the hell did they get these made?". It's just so random and unapologetic-ally silly, but that's what makes this film so great.

Hired to Kill has everything you could want in a film like this; nudity, tons of action, explosions, one-liners that rival the best of Schwarzenegger, an absurd but highly enjoyable premise, and a scene where Brian Thompson kisses Oliver Reed. It's a nonstop ride of nonsense, cheesy fun, action-packed and entertaining as hell. It's exactly the type of film you hope it will be.

www.robotGEEKSCultCinema.blogspot.com

...with a little help from his "friends," of course!

"Hired to Kill" is about a prisoner who, after he gets out of jail "free" (LOL another Monopoly joke here!), he hires a bunch of really beautiful women who, well, help the poor rotting man do bad things! Now this is excitement! No, I would never live life like this! But, what I am saying is, this movie is exciting because of the plot, the action, the babes...what else could you possibly want in a manly movie?

I say, "Hired to Kill" is such an excellent "escape from prison" type of movie. It may not be like "The Rock," but it's still that good! I give this film ten stars for the action, the adventure, the suspense, the girls, and anything else that this movie offers! Have some fun with "Hired to Kill" tonight!