- Ivan: [dazed after slaughtering two backpackers] Jobs done, Pauly. Let's go.
- Pauly Falzoni: [cluelessly] But, what's all the blood, man?
- Ivan: Ah, kangaroo, mate.
- Pauly Falzoni: [about looking up a lady's skirt] I know I should not have been looking. But, man, it was like an eclipse of the sun. It's bad for you to look... but you must keep looking.
- Dazza: [at own wedding, to priest] Mate, can you make this marryin' shit any quicker? I gotta get down the pub.
- Pauly Falzoni: I need a couple o' bucks t' ...
- Bobo Gigliotti: No!
- Pauly Falzoni: Jus' give me two bucks.
- Bobo Gigliotti: No!
- Pauly Falzoni: 50 cents.
- Bobo Gigliotti: No!
- Pauly Falzoni: Well, can I just get a drink from the fridge, like... ?
- Bobo Gigliotti: No!
- Pauly Falzoni: Can I use the toilet without paying?
- Bobo Gigliotti: No!
- Claudia Macpherson: [on infomercial for fitness product] Hi! I'm Claudia Macpherson. Supermodel. And, this here is my new Abstiffy. If you try it for 1 second a day... you too will have abs like mine! Ah, huh. Well, probly not. But, let's give it a whirl anyway... shall we?
- Davo Dinkum: [on drugs] Hey Bobo! I'm back! Yougotanymorepizzasformetadelivertheboxeswiththehotcheeseandthehotfoodontop... smellsgood! Peopleloveit! I'mreadytogoBobo... Ican'thearyouoverthismusicmate! Boboyagotanymorepizzas?
- Phat Pizza employee: [in store, rapping into microphone with heavy Indian accent and background tabla music] Okay. Come on. What's the word? The very special word? My favourite word. It's... pussy.
- Health Inspector: I'd like you to explain how this possum got into the filter of your coffee machine.
- Bobo Gigliotti: [pushing Lachlan the apprentice chef into pizza oven] Bludger! Aaah!
- Lachlan: Bobo! I won't spend more than two minutes in the toilet again!
- Bobo Gigliotti: Aaah!
- Lachlan: Bobo!
- Bobo Gigliotti: [slamming pizza oven door shut] Bludger!
- [repeated line]
- Bobo Gigliotti: [answers the telephone] Fat Pizza Pizzas. They're big and they're cheesy.
- Ronnie McDoggle: [Pauly has just hit a car approaching after speeding. A guy dressed as a clown comes out of the car, furious] Oh, you malaka! Look what you did to my McCar! You McFucked it!
- Pauly Falzoni: [to the guy in the clown costume, thinking he is Ronald McDonald] What're you supposed to be, what, Ronnie McDoggle? Mate, what's with the ethnic accent? Everyone knows he's a Scottish-American, man!
- Ronnie McDoggle: [pointing at Pauly, angrily] Why do *you* think I got the most successful franchise in the world, you suck-ass?
- Pauly Falzoni: Oh, tell me, McStooge!
- Ronnie McDoggle: Because, I'm a Greek,
- [Greek music starts playing]
- Ronnie McDoggle: and Greeks are the champions of takeaway! Oh, what do you think I'm gonna call the business, McSpiro's?
- [Ronnie McDoggle cracks up laughing and falls to the floor, laughing]
- Ronnie McDoggle: Stop!
- [continues laughing]
- Pauly Falzoni: [thinking he was laughing at him] Oh, you wanna laugh do ya?
- Ronnie McDoggle: [still laughing] No, mate, I'm cracking up!
- [continues laughing]
- Ronnie McDoggle: You're giving me a McStitch!
- Bobo Gigliotti: [answering the phone] Hello, Fat Pizza Pizzas, they're big and they're cheesy.
- Bikie: [on the phone with Bobo] Hey mate, we ordered pizzas 50 fucking minutes ago, so where's the fucking food?
- [the bikies start yelling and swearing]
- Habib Halal: [upon seeing a police road sign targeting Lebanese] I swear, man! These cops are always hassling us, man! Why? We're jus' like normal people, man! We do normal things, mate! We eat kebabs! We have weapons! What's wrong with these things?
- Sleek the Elite: To get the glamours, I make friends with their fat chick friends, 'cause glamours always have fat chick friends.
- Sleek the Elite: [referring to women] But Sleek gives 'em standards are too high. In other words, if you're over 50 kilo, you gotta go.
- Habib Halal: Give me their number, uleh! My standards start at 50 kilograms, alright? I'll give it to 'em!
- Sleek the Elite: Bobo. I gotta use the toilet, man.
- Bobo Gigliotti: [menacingly] Any paper you use, Sleek, you pay for it.
- Sleek the Elite: Yeah, I know. A dollar a sheet.
- first bouncer: [making up excuse to refuse entry] And, you're, d'... er... you're an Aussie!
- Taliban customer: [subtitles over Arabic based vocals] Last week I ordered a pizza, I said no bacon! You lied, it had heaps of bacon!
- Bobo Gigliotti: [pulling out and starting up chainsaw] Aaah! AAAH!
- Taliban customer: [subtitle over Arabic based vocals as he and his sidekicks flee] Back to the cave!
- Pauly Falzoni: [splitting up detention centre escapees after organizing breakout] Hey! Stop! Stop! Stop! Look, yous refugees stick out like dogs balls! We're gonna get caught! Go that way to Mecca! Go! And yous! There's money in them bushes! Money!
- Sleek the Elite: [whilst caught having sex with female in nightclub toilet cubicle] Habib. How are ya, bro' ?
- Habib Halal: Go for it, Sleeky, uleh. Go for it.
- Sleek the Elite: Any hole's the go, Habib.
- Habib Halal: Give her one for me. Slam her.
- Sleek the Elite: Habib, fuck off, man, or you're gonna get wet.
- Habib Halal: [at wedding] Rocky. I didn't bring any rice, man. Whatta we gonna throw?
- Rocky: Habib. Don't worry about the rice. I got eccys, instead.
- Habib Halal: Eccys? My god. Weddings can be so expensive.
- Priest: And, do you, Lin Chow Bang, take Bobo to be your lawfully wedded husband?
- Lin Chow Bang: [chirpily] No speak English!
- Shazza: [yelling at priest] We fuckin' booked this church fuckin' 3 weeks ago! And I know we fuckin' did, because we booked when we found out I was fuckin' pregnant, with our seventh fuckin' kid!
- Bobo Gigliotti: [pushing Health Inspector into pizza oven] Burn, burn, burn.
- Health Inspector: [mildly irritated] 200 demerit points. Golly gosh.
- Bobo Gigliotti: Burn!
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