The Seat Filler

[first lines]

Vicki: My name is Vicki Curtis. And you are here to be Seat Fillers. Your job is to make sure the audience never looks empty. Because without you it would look like missing teeth. We, ladies and gentlemen, we complete the smile of Hollywood. All right ya bunch of nobodies, pull out your Seat Filler rule books and read along with me. No chewing gum. No bright colors. No hats, cellphones, or pagers. No gassy foods the night before. And never ever remove your blue ribbon, it's how we identify you.

Vicki: You. Stand up. That's right, you.

[approaching]

Vicki: You're crowding me.

[feels his seat]

Vicki: Be gone. Hit the bricks.

Guy: What did I do?

Vicki: Your ass is too hot! Go, you've lost your seat.