- Meryl Streep: I'd like to thank the people at Universal, it's just that there are so many people there who want to take credit for me that I woudln't know where to start
- Bill Murray: ...and I'd also like to thank my personal hair stylist, who, for 14 years, has been trying to destroy my natural good looks.
- Jim Carrey: And the Golden Globe goes to..."Elf"! Oh, wait. That wasn't nominated this year!
- Meryl Streep: I just realized you see completely through my dress. So, that's why I'm standing with my legs together.
- Robin Williams: 'Master and Commander' is the best movie of its kind, besides 'Popeye'.