limesoda

The Passion of the Christ (2004)

An unbiased review

Ok lots of people have commented so I'm going to throw in my 2 cents. This movie was pretty boring. The creepy Satan was pretty cool. I have actually read 2 of the 4 (I think there was 4) versions of the Capture and crucifixion of Jesus in the New Testament, and the movie strayed from the text quite substantially. However I digress.

I always think that when something is based on a Book that the movie should be able to be viewed separately, this was a problem I had with the first 2 Harry potters, my coz who read the books loved the films but I found them pretty uneven and kind of unsatisfying - this ties into the film because you see Jesus getting bashed and snuffed and it doesn't really let you into his message. I liked the scene where Mary talked to Jesus about the Table he was making it was a sweet scene and played very nicely.

I'm not a religious guy I think there is something out there more great than we can possibly fathom, but until it's time to meet it face to face we should kick back and have some fun. If a person has faith I think it's great unless they're Zealots or only use the Bible to propagate hate and persecution.

Ok I'm a little off track but back to the movie - Pretty boring movie - If you'd like to see a good movie about Jesus find a Mini Series called "Jesus" released about 3 years ago (I think) A better use of the source text.



I'll end with what I think sums up the entire story of Jesus in one line as written by Douglas Adams in Hitchhikers guide to the Galaxy. ...2000 thousand years after a man was nailed to tree for saying how great it would be if everybody was nice to each other.

The Matrix Revolutions (2003)

Here is 1 theory *SPOILER ALERT*

*SPOILERS AND BAD SPELLING WITHIN*

Ok here is a thought. Agent Smith was able to steal a body and get into the real world via the host. I think that Agent Smith had become a virus which was why he was duplicating himself into other programs and people. So what if when Neo was born he was in reality an anti-Viris Program that had been installed into a new born. He grew up met Morphius was released from the Matrix (Still a program in a human body) then at the end of Revolutions Neo absorbed the Viris (Smith) and was able to repair the corrupted files.

To discuss further (or check to see if i've been taking my medication) E-mail me at [email protected]

Final Destination 2 (2003)

So far the best "Part 2" Movie I've seen this year.

Well, I would like to start my review by listing some stinker sequels that were released this year but then we'd be here for a while.

I've been watching horror movies since I was 7 Starting with The nightmare franchise, and one thing I've noticed with horror lately is that instead of making you anxious and creeped out to get the scares, most Horror movies go for the BOOO! Scare where the killer jumps out of the shadows or there is a period of inactivity followed by someone jumping in through a window or some crap like that. To be honest I find that to be a cheap scare when done alone. In "The Exorcist" there was an absence of the BOOO! Scare because they knew that the audience would be scared by what was happening on screen, the horror of the situation. This is what I believe this movie accomplishes an actual good mix of foreboding and the BOOO! Scare. The movie is set up so you think you know what's going to happen then it kind of tilts it on it's ear. Most of the deaths follow a system that worked for me... The Set-up - Foreboding - The Fake out - Relief - BOO! Or in some cases just plain old surprise. I enjoyed both this and the original because of the main plot in both of them, which was how can you defeat something that isn't there?

The Man Who Wasn't There (2001)

As Samantha from Bewitched would say "Well...."

*Possible Spoilers*

Well... Since my dvd remote was busted i didn't fast forward any bits, but if it was fixed I would have trimmed down the movie by a good 20 minutes. The film kind of bored me although I was paying attention I found myself more interested in playing snake on my mobile than watching Billy Bob smoke some more (By the way people who have just quit smoking should avoid this movie) I definetly would have liked this movie a LOT more if the ending was better, after sitting through 2 and a half hours I wanted something more than the Mad magazine rule of film making (if you can't figure out an ending just have the main character die) The film also had a very patchwork feel to it, like Joel and Ethen (who i do quite like as film makers) were just writing down pieces of ideas and stiching them together. Finaly i think the main flaw was a lack of characters you wanted to see win (in fact the only characters that I liked were "Big Dave" who was killed in the first 40 mins and the "Young Man" Played by Abraham Benrubi who had aproximatly 3 lines)

I'm sure this movie has it's audience, it just wasn't for me.

"I will perfect my own race of people. A race of atomic supermen which will conquer the world!" - Dr. Eric Vornoff

Titanic (1997)

My 2 cents... I'll be quick.

Well I am finally getting a little sick of people bitching non stop about this movie, Why do I feel half of you that rag about it are doing so because for some reason it's become very trendy to bad mouth this movie. Then of course are the sudo-intellectuals that believe that movie + profit Crap. I'm not standing on my soapbox and proclaiming that this is the greatest movie of all time, because it isn't. I don't need for you love this movie or even like it, because everyone has there own opinions (see battlefeild earth, I thought that was REALY bad) However this movie still has merit. One last thought for those of you that have said ad-nauseum "worst movie ever made" Lets see your movie then. Go and rent "Clue".

LimeSoda

"Those that can do. Those that can't critique." - Unknown

"I will perfect my own race of people. A race of atomic supermen which will conquer the world!" - Dr. Eric Vornoff

Ghosts of Mars (2001)

This is a flash back of a flashback... Spoilers

I saw this movie with absolutly no expectations, and i liked it.. o.k it wasn't the greatest movie ever but it was entertaining... ok first i'll state the things I didn't like.

• The fact we knew Natasha Henstridge (sic) was going to be alive at the end. That kind of killed it a little for me.

• Pam Greir Kicks ass, Would have liked her to stick around for a while longer... or at least have a more interesting demise.

• Alot of the characters (short of there introduction) had nothing interesting to do but get killed off.

• at one point were in a flash back in a flash back in a alternate scene to the flashback... A touch confusing... but atleast the repeated use of flashback was consistant.

• Clea DuVall I've seen her preform great in 'girl, interupted' and "but i'm a cheerleader" here she seemed to have the one facial expression... but i don't think the character was sufficiantly fleshed out.

• 'Big Daddy Alian' was WAY to easy to kill.

• "That's Stupid Commander!", you worked so hard to get back on the train don't worry about going back just get the hell out of there!

• When there were about to take on the aliens again, why didn't someone think of giving everyone a tab of that necklace drug... it fixed natasha didn't it?

• I would have liked a bit more explanation about the aliens

• You've just seen people you know and quite possible care about being killed by a group of aliens, My first reaction isn't to happily laugh (see 'The house on haunted hill' aswell)

There were alot of things i liked about this movie here is the short list.

• The music kicked ass, I liked that when ever there were aliens about to spring up we got a sting of guitar, and a rocken beat.

• Pam Grier... We love you Pam, oh yes we do!. Sing it with me!

• Big Daddy although resembling Marilyn Manson was pretty frightning.

• Ice cube was realy cool, and suprizingly played off Natyasha realy well.

• That the 'hero' had her flaws. and kicked major ass.

• The nose glasses were a Clever Touch

• Robert Carradene that nerd ain't gettin no revenge ;)

It's always easier to think of flaws than thing you like. But despite it's flaws it was still a good way to kill some time.

7/10

Sgt. Bilko (1996)

This movie rules

This is a movie for Generation-X. All the old boring fogeys/film critics were crying because old Phil Sivers wasn't in it and blah blah blah. Whatever. Bloody Baby-boomers. I watched this without the stigma of having seen (actually never having even heard of!) the T.V series and loved the film. This movie is funny from top to bottom and a sheer joy to watch. Steve Martin is hilarious. The script is strong. This movie is for the young, the young in the head and anyone who enjoys clever humour. 10/10.

Lucky Numbers (2000)

I love Lisa Kudrow but this movie stinks. *Spoiler*

Ok I didn't compleatly hate this movie, I liked everything up to the point where they won the lottery then the whole thing took a tragic nose dive. I can't put into words why I didn't like it after that point. I guess it might just be that there wasn't enough material here to make a film. Were offered many interesting characters for a few minutes, then most of them die. Lisa Kudrow has proven herself as a great character actress (like in the opposite of sex, analize this, romy and michell, friends) she was IMHO the only saving grace in this movie.

Blues Brothers 2000 (1998)

John Goodman is NOT cool!

O.K, the Blues Brothers is cool and has appeal to many generations. I thought this movie was fine. The addition of the black police chief as the lost Blues brother was excellent, even that little tyke had a few decent lines. Dan Ackroyd was fine ( but I hated his yellow tinted glasses in this movie - black baby!) - but John Goodman is NOT cool!!!! As a teenager who had heard of and seen the original Blues Brothers, I was expecting a cool movie. But as soon as I saw the poster in my theatre with John Goodman on it alongside Dan Ackroyd, I knew instinctively ( and sadly) that this movie wasn't going to be cool. Let's not beat around the bush - John Goodman is a fat man. What's so cool about seeing a middle aged fat man? NOTHING! I say without John Goodman this movie might have been a four star affair, but with John Goodman literally weighting down the entire picture I give it just two stars.

The Flying Car (2002)

The essence of the Askewniverse

I saw this on leno and thought it was damn funny. It realy is the apitamy of everything us fanboys love about Kevin Smiths movies, It's all about the dialogue. Only kevin could take 2 guys in a car (Dante and randal from clerks) and turn it into a laugh out loud funny short film.

Short review for a short film

5 / 5

P.s I Can't wait for jersey girl

Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer (1986)

Like Gargling with Drano

I think that pretty much sums up my opinion of this movie, it was boring and didn't seem to go any where. that could be the point the director was trying to make, kill people and your life could be as brooding and tedius as Henry.

There was a shot where Henry was driving in a car with his friend and it was just the one shot of behind the moving car for 3 minutes, 3 mins is alot of time looking at a bumper. it's the only thing in the movie i can realy remember that I was waiting for a cut for 3 of the longest minutes of my life. Count to 180 see how long it feels.

Scream 3 (2000)

Wes should have hung up the phone.

I hated this movie so much I can barely put it into words, Well I could but I don't think IMDB would let me post this messege. The only saving grace was Carrie Fishers (funny as all hell) cameo. But not even that could salvage the rubble that is this picture.

Spoiler

You know how you sometimes think if i was making this movie i would have done this or that, Well if i was Wes i would have had at least Gail Dewy or Sydney getting bumped off.

End Spoiler

I loved scream, And i thought Scream 2 was a good film aswell. But I would rather stab myself in my leg Rub in salt and pour on vinegar than watch all this movie again. But if you do get this film save yourself the time and effort by Fast forwarding to Carrie fisher then pressig STOP.

"Jesus Wes, a monkey ?!? You guys arn't even trying any more" - Shannon Doherty "Jay and Silent Bob strike back"

Lost Highway (1997)

Butter dish?

Butter dish? Yes, butter dish! But how can one eat parrot in a butter dish? Don't question me, I am the king of england! How good it is to see the king of england admiring a parrot in a butter dish. Fetch a cup and dig for metal. I have achived my goal and have a handfull of silver. Now make a butter dish. butter dish? yes, butter dish! etc etc etc etc....

(For those of you saying "What the hell?" that was what I was saying at the conclusion of this film.)

The Color Purple (1985)

Just a quick story about this film.

To start with let me say I am male and 17. now that thats out of the way i'll tell you my brief story.

Me and a mate (male and 18) were at the video store getting ready for a Speilberg night. we had "JP", "Close incounters of the third kind" and then we went in search of the 3rd film. My buddy came up to me with the color purple, which he had not seen. I said no, he said yes, i said no... well you get the idea. The reason i didn't want to rent it was because i knew if i watched it i would turn into a blubbering mess. To cut a long story short (too late*) We rented the color purple and like i knew i would, i was crying like a 5 year old with a skinned knee...How ever not that my "oh so butch" mate could make fun cause he was cry more than I was.

That story was to show how this movie is so wonderful it can make 2 big strong boys cry. Whoopi is stunning as the sympathetic Celie. And the way i judge the way a person playes a bad guy, is if i want to reach into the screen and punch them in the face, and man did i want to sock Mr.,

MINOR SPOILER We were crying out of happiness for Celie, not out of sadness. Also am I the only one that get realy choked up when Celie throws the chocolates to the girl from the back of the train? END SPOILER

10/10

And no I have not read the book. But like always, I would assume it to be better.

*Line from the movie "Clue"

Man Down (2001)

Best movie Ever!

The Camera work the acting not to mention the direction. I have to hold my heart in my hand when I watch this unbelievable cinematic achivement. Give these people the oscars!

Sarcasm is a cruel mistress

P.s Big brother Australia Rocked!

Big Brother Uncut (2001)

Now what we've all been waiting for HARDCORE NUDITY!!

This is the late night program that showed all the T&A and sex talk that went on in the house that couldn't be shown on the 7:00pm show. So basicly it all the stuff you REALLY want to see. Grettle does a good job hosting throwing in more sexual innuendo than you can poke a dancing doona at. I realy enjoyed the show when Cindy Tann (I think that is how you spell her name) comes on and trys to get the underlying messages behind their sexual banter. Good clean dirty fun.

Fainaru fantajî VIII (1999)

I'll keep it breif. Like my attention to the game.

I traded a copy of "Mist" to a friend for his copy of "FF8." I played the game to the end of disk one, put it in a draw and I haven't touched it since, and that was back in January. Why did I dislike this game? FF7 were big shoes to fill no questions asked, I liked the graphics a bit better and the music was terrific, but the magic system (which when you get down to it, is what moves the game along) sucked big time. Sorry, mabie one day i'll be bored and pull it out and play it, but I'll have to be realy bored.

This hasn't soured my opinion of square in fact I'm saveing up to buy FF9 I hope I like it better.

Elvira: Mistress of the Dark (1988)

Putting the Boo.. Back into Boob-Toob

I suck at gratuitous Boob references, so i'm just going to write a plainly flat (no pun intended) review. I love Elvira, not in a "I'm-going-to-shoot-the-pres-just-to-impress-jodi-foster-fanatical" way, But suffice to say I think she rocks. The movie is played like a 50's horror film only alot more fun, look for the "Leasurely stroking of the ankle" reference to know what I mean. what relay shines through in the movie is Elvira's (or should that be cassandras) absolute charm. i first saw this movie at the tender age of 8, and have seen it contless times since.. I realy should get around to buying a copy, the videostore version is looking a little worse for the wear. If any other fans of the movie want to e-mail me about it feel free.

p.s another great performance from Edie McClurg (chastedy pariah) an actress who never gets the attention she deserves.

Howard the Duck (1986)

I Luv this movie.

Don't you notice how cute it is when some one writes the word love as "luv". That's the best way to describe this movie it may not be altogether right (love) But it is just too appealing to dislike (luv).

Just a note before I give my review: To all those people bad mouthing it saying the effects sucked or it was really stupid. Go find a photo of yourself from 1986... now let me read your mind. "Man, did I look stupid, and that shirt really sucks."

But at the time brown and white striped with huge green collars was really hot. You'll see how this experiment ties in, in a sec.

I saw "Howard" When I was 5 in 1987 and I loved it. I saw Howard a second time in 1989 at the age of 7 and i loved it. Between 1989 and 1990 i think i rented it from the video store at least 50 times. Then I saw it again in 1999 at the age of 17. (Reverting back to the picture) and not only did I enjoy the movie I was able to laugh at the cheesy effects and ludicrous story.... and who could forget the theme song apparently not the 100 napster users who have it on their hard drive (101 now).

Don't compare it to films made today, and don't compare it to "citizen Cain" Just look at it as a fun 80's romp about a talking duck, and maybe if George Lucas could remove his head from his own butt for and hour and a half he'd see he removed his name from the only decent thing he ever made.

9/10

P.s Lea Thompson was HOT (and sweet) in this movie; I think she is still the only woman who could turn me on.

Hitman Hart: Wrestling with Shadows (1998)

In a word - Sucky. In 126 words - read below

Well I'm not really a hard-core wrestling fan, but my brother is. That is why I spent the most aggravating hour and a half of my life watching this one-sided, self-glorifying documentary.

By the end I was waiting for a nice pan-shot of Bret on his crucifix with violins over the top.

Bret hart is what we call down-under (and a turn of phrase that has caught on through out the world) a W****R! I know I'm going to get flamed but I don't care.

When Bret got the title some poor slob has to job* to him and then he flat out refused to job* for Shawn Michaels.

1/10

* Jobbing is where you lose the match.

P.S my brother 100% disagrees with me.

P.P.S Me and my brother no longer see each other.

Happiness (1998)

The only 10/10 Movie I Never want to see again.

Todd Solondz may as well be projecting a mirror onto the silver screen, like with "Welcome to the doll house." this movie was to real for me to enjoy. I actuly saw this on video mainly because of the bright red sticker that said "WARNING: Contains material that may offend." I thought that it probobly had some dick jokes in it or something. There were scenes in this movie that made me so uncomfortable *Minor Spoilers* Like the Father and son talks where you have no idea how to feel, I found myself laughing just to escape the tension, ditto with the scene in Helens living room, so uncomfortable I can't stand it.

I can't recomend this movie enough. But it sticks in your mind for days. like I said in my review I give it 10/10... but I watch movies to escape from my reality, and forget for a few minutes that every thing is so f**ked.

The Flintstones Meet Rockula and Frankenstone (1979)

Remember those movies you saw 300 times as a kid?

You knew it line for line, so did your parents, grandparents, brothers, sisters and any one that came to spend any longer than 2 hours at your house. Well this was one of those movies for me. If I had never seen it before and watched for the first time today, I would more than likely not be overly impressed, but since this movie is one of the things that incaptulates my childhood I can't say any thing bad about it.

One line summery: I can't remember doing up my shoes for the first time but I remember this movie... and my copy still works!

The Blair Witch Project (1999)

Well I did smoke alot of weed......

So that could be in part why this movie scared me wit-less, and the "Seeing through someone-elses eyes" feeling was cool. I did re-watch the film while str8 a few days ago and it did scare me again... well the end did. So to cut a long story short you don't have to be high to like this movie, if only the same could be said for Battlefeild Earth.

Battlefield Earth (2000)

Best 2 hours sleep I ever had.

Awful, bad, terrible, dreadful, appalling, shocking, ghastly, horrendous, dire etc. not to mention, Boring, stuipd, error filled, hidiously acted.

*imdb Comments rules. no 1 word reviews.

The Sum of Us (1994)

Back when I was 13.....

I was coming out to myself.. I had this warped image of being gay that I had to develop a lisp and become high camp just to conform with being gay (I repeat I was 13 and living in the sticks.) I saw an ad for this movie TSOU and I just had to see it. With alot of precautions I caught a train for 2 hours to a movie theater that was far enough away so no one that I knew would see me going to a "gay" Film. Any way Sitting in the theater I was presented with an image of a gay man that didn't fall into the stereotypes I had been so used to, I guess the film taught me I could be gay with out being faggy. To simply label this as a gay movie is to miss the entire point its a Romance movie, both father and son looking for a partner of same/different gender. To make a tired point I love this movie Russell Crowe and Jack Thompson are brilliant.. I wish I had a dad like Henry.... or a boyfriend like Jeff :)