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sjdrake2006
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Mapp & Lucia: The Owl and the Pussycat (1985)
Return of the battling battleaxes - 1 of 2
We see major Benjy driving maniacally through the narrow streets of Tilling in a fancy yellow motor car, cursing all other road users. According to Diva, he has paid for this in anticipation of the funds to be made available to him from Mapp's estate. Diva is critical of the car not being expensive enough in view of the anticipated bequest- he cannot win!
The town is in mourning for the missing Mapp and Lucia. No bodies have been recovered but after 5 months, it is assumed that they both perished in the storm.
A memorial service is arranged at the church and on his own initiative, Georgie decides to visit the stonemason to put up a memorial to the missing ladies. The stonemason has a small 'cenotaph' which had been inscribed but not paid for, the customer having died before he could pay for it. Having heard that the existing inscription can be easily removed, Georgie has a dedicatory inscription and asks for the memorial to be ready for the service next week.
Georgie then visits Major Benjy, who is pleased to hear about Georgie's initiative but claims to be too hard up to contribute at the moment. I'll refer to this later.
At the service, the Tillingites sadly remember the two ladies. Padre waxes prosaic, naturally overlooking their rivalries. It can be seen that the stonemason has botched the job badly: having miscalculated the lettering, Lucia's name is writ large and Mapp's is writ very small. This isn't Georgie's fault, but it looks bad. He pays the £25 for the job anyway instead of demanding the work be competently carried out before paying.
As the service concludes, Benjy invites the assembled company to Mallards for dinner and a bridge evening. He announces that he is moving into the property and selling his own house.
After Benjy leaves, there is a chorus of unanimous disgust at Benjy's action in view of the fact that the deaths are not yet formal.
Everybody attends that evening but secretly all are highly critical of Benjy, who seems apparently unaffected by the loss of Mapp. Plain-speaking Irene is particularly ungracious, as always.
At this juncture, I'll interpolate a little aside on the relevant merits of Benjy and Georgie. I hinted in my review of episode 4 (assuming of course that anybody ever wants to read my reviews) that Benjy is cast in a particularly bad light vis a vis Georgie over this. But this apparent good boy (Georgie)/ bad boy (Benjy) isn't quite what it seems.
To start with, Benjy has almost certainly had to carry out the same support as Georgie for Grebe for looking after staff and property at Mallards in the interim from his own, probably much more limited pocket. It's just not been noted or shown. How else could the staff get by unpaid for 5 months and the house be maintained?
Second, Benjy dipped into his own pocket to buy the car in anticipation of a bequest. It wasn't from Mapp's estate.
Third, re going into Mallards. If Mapp has a beef with this, she needs to take the matter up with her solicitor in executing her will, not with Benjy. If the solicitor gave Benjy the all-clear, then it's legal. Whether the others think it's premature is neither here nor there. There is in fact considerable sense in moving into Mallards to ensure that Benjy keeps an eye on the staff.
Fourth, in the matter of 'emotion'. Georgie's mourning is very understandable and touching and he certainly does nothing wrong in continuing to believe that Lucia will return. Don't forget, theirs is a platonic friendship, not a marriage.
Benjy seems far more callous throughout- referring to letting Mallards and the rent Mapp obtained from the 'other poor corpse'. He is keen to return to normal. A few words, here. Benjy is a career soldier in the Indian army. His career probably started round about 1900-1905. Nobody ever impugns his military record or bravery. But there will have been a constant background of losing colleagues and men through combat and illness. No antibiotics then either. He will also have served through World War 1. He will have to have been, or become, tough-skinned in order to survive.
Neither Georgie nor Benjy have any specific reason to suspect the two ladies have survived. It's hope and no more. I've lived in a fishing village myself and there was a constant background loss of people to accidents at sea or in harbour: as often as not no body was ever found. The most likely outcome is that they perished. So when Benjy is presumably told that he can move in and proceeds to do so, it's a reasonable call.
Last, I'd like to refer to Benjy's attitude to Mapp throughout the 10 part series. He clearly finds it difficult to enunciate or articulate affection, which isn't surprising. But one doesn't hear a single solitary word of criticism for Mapp either, despite the frequent criticisms of her by others. He is a loyal friend, then a loyal husband. He also proves supportive through financial ups and downs too, which the others don't seem to sustain.
By way of contrast Georgie is frequently critical of Lucia at home to her face or plays hard-to-get: he is publicly critical of her more than once, including just before they marry. Their relationship is more complex than at first appears and Georgie shows spirit and backbone on the rare occasions when Lucia falters.
I'm not trying to do Georgie down: but I do think Benjy is an underestimated character and the ridicule he undergoes in the town in this episode isn't fully justified.
Benjy is also the only character in the series who is clearly sexual. He comments favourably on Lucia's appearance and is obviously attracted to Mapp, who softens her own usually harsh demeanour and returns it. In a later episode, the others chat with a sort of horror at the thought that then then-married couple actually share a bedroom! He seems to be the 'masculine' element in the characters. Georgie and Lucia are completely asexual and the others also.
EF Benson- the author - was gay and it's my estimate that both Georgie and Lucia represent different aspects of his own character. The world he lived in (he died in 1940) was unremittingly hostile to his sexuality and one wonders if his negative treatment of Benjy (here, and generally throughout the series as a drunkard) represents his revenge.
It also explains why Lucia generally trumps Mapp. The books represent Mapp as 'filled with hate' for Lucia but that is toned down considerably here, though it is Mapp's machinations which commence hostilities.
To get back to events in the episode: early the morning after Major Benjy's 'housewarming party', two figures clad in black rubbers splish down the harbour and into town. They look comically like Laurel & Hardy, but it's actually Mapp and Lucia! They head straight to Mallards, where a pyjamaed Benjy is promptly thrown out by a vengeful Mapp and his gear is heaped on the floor outside. It is explained that the upturned table floating on the sea bumped into a fishing boat which turned out to be Italian and headed off to the fictitious 'Gallagher Bank' near Newfoundland in the Atlantic Ocean! Not having found a British ship to hail, months have elapsed before they are dropped back at Tilling.
There are plainly some humongous plot holes here. What's an Italian trawler doing off the East Sussex coast - must be in British territorial waters and close in for the table to reach it - if it intends to head for the North West Atlantic for pelagic fishing? Sure, the upper reaches of the North Sea- especially the colder waters - have cod, but it's a jolly long way from Italy to chug out of the Western Med, around Spain and the Bay of Biscay then along the South Coast to East Sussex and beyond! Then intending to circumnavigate Britain or retrace its steps to head out to the NW Atlantic before returning home? How about fuel?
This also ignores the probable intense competition from British and French trawlers in the area.
Having picked the ladies up, isn't it easier to simply drop them off back in a boat rather than haul them across the Atlantic and back? It's also implausible that they don't encounter a single British ship, especially in the crowded English channel. Didn't ocean-going trawlers have wireless by 1930? I don't know.
Anyway, we can put it all down to literary licence again. The two get taken all the way to Newfoundland and back, over 5 months, having to eat cod constantly!
The two ladies explain their adventures to their close friends- Georgie for Lucia and Diva for Mapp - and we get some nice cuts between the two conversations as each simultaneously explains the same events from opposite viewpoints. The interloquitors are keen to hear any 'juicy' facts- but other than the two slagging each other's attitude off, there isn't much of course. Mapp accuses Lucia of doing her calisthenics in her bare feet - given the way she came aboard, she's hardly going to have plimsolls - and suggests she was a little too friendly with the Italian matelots. Clearly their joint vicissitudes haven't bound them together as friends.
Diva persuades Mapp to reconcile with Benjy - to marry him and therefore 'outrank' widow Lucia - and Mapp likes the idea.
Lucia as ever explains her inability to converse with the Italians as arising from their accent in coming from Southern Italy. It doesn't fool Mapp as usual, but then nobody is going to challenge Lucia after the Italian Countess episode.
Cadman asks Lucia to ask the Padre to waive the banns so he and Foljambe can marry- and this duly takes place.
Both Mapp and Lucia separately determine to hold a public meeting to lecture on their experiences. Lucia, ever the maestro of public entertainments, sets up a meeting in the village hall chaired by Mr Wyse. Mapp sets up a lecture at home chaired by Major Benjy, Unsurprisingly, Lucia's efforts win hands down and nobody turns up to Mapp's affair at all.
Mapp & Lucia: Lobster Pots (1985)
Crustacean Combat
Fresh from her signal triumph over Mapp in the battle of the art exhibition, Lucia decides that she has found her new home and decides to settle in Tilling once her let of Mallards finishes.
Egged on by a delighted Irene (Lucia's most vociferous supporter, Georgie included), Lucia goes to see Mr Woolgar at Woolgar & Pipstow (We never do see Pipstow, though when Pipstow is mentioned by irene Woolgar doesn't suggest he doesnt exist).
It turns out that Woolgar has nothing in Tilling proper (by which he means a big enough house: Lucia isn't looking for a small cottage). When Irene follows up with a request for what's in Tilling IMproper, Woolgar mentions a property a mile out of town on the marshes, called Grebe. Lucia visits it and is instantly smitten. Lucia notes some odd structures on the beach which Woolgar explains are dykes to hold the sea back which haven't been breached in living memory. Unfortunately, Lucia doesn't engage a lawyer/surveyor to check this out, choosing to believe Woolgar's statement at face value. There's a moral here, as we shall shortly see.
Lucia opts to buy Grebe and rapidly sorts a sale of her home in Riseholme by telephone. No delays or chains, here!
Foreseeing problems, Lucia asks Irene to support Georgie's artistic endeavours, though Irene isn't actually impressed by them at all.
Mapp is told of Lucia's decision and unsurprisingly has a fit. Diva does her best to placate and console her and when they subsequently meet Major Benjy, he too is unfailingly supportive of Mapp. Together, they somewhat restore Mapp's fractured morale.
Georgie returns from Folkstone, chirpy at the success of the Italian letter. Lucia tries to take the credit for a 'stroke of genius' but Georgie swiftly asserts his role in the matter and Lucia accedes to him.
But when Lucia gives Georgie the news that she is staying in Tilling, he doesn't take it well. Not at all. Georgie is horrified and proceeds to throw all of his toys out of the pram. Distraught at the prospect that he will lose Foljambe, who will surely wish to stay with Cadman in Tilling, he is critical of Lucia for proceeding without consulting him. He's right of course, but Lucia merely pulls him up when Georgie complains that he'll have neither Foljambe nor Lucia and that Riseholme will be ditch water without- and Lucia makes him reverse the order.
Georgie goes so far as to wish he hadn't come up with the Italian letter wheeze at all, without which Lucia's reputation might have been so damaged as to necessitate their joint return to Riseholme. Lucia takes this without hitting back but even her best baby-talk to Georgie - her usual tactic for calming him when she goes too far - fails in its purpose. Georgie exits to go home and stew on it.
A disconsolate Georgie heads out, only to run into Cadman and Foljambe in the street. Georgie slyly- and underhandedly- attempts to persuade both of them to return to Riseholme with him and in his employ. Cadman politely declines, explaining that Lucia is a considerate employer who has done nothing to make him wish to leave her service. Foljambe explains that she can't leave Cadman, so Georgie has to accept that his subterfuge has ended in failure. Pretending that he was 'only testing', he asks the pair not to tell Lucia of his attempt to lure them away from Lucia. But Foljambe at least suggests that he consider staying in Tilling also.
Georgie then falls in with Quaint Irene, who explains how much she will miss him if he goes and how much she enjoys his artwork. Georgie starts to think again.
Later Georgie returns to Lucia at Mallards, confirming that he has had some luck - he placed his house on the market by telephone- and presto! Like Lucia's his house sells almost instantly. I don't know how conveyancing worked in 1930, but I rather doubt things moved as quickly as that. However, it helps the storyline run. Literary Licence.
Georgie has a surprise for Lucia- he can now indulge his dearest wish, to move to London where he can attend operas and theatres! He's no longer bothered about Foljambe...
Lucia indulges Georgie's rant, then suggests they pop along to Woolgar & Pipstow and see what they have on their books in London. At this point, Georgie 'fesses up' that it's all nonsense- which Lucia knew all along. Her face, turned toward us as Georgie rattles on, is a study in restrained patience! He just wanted to assert his independence and hit back for Lucia's move which wasn't discussed with him.
Georgie obtains a long lease on Mallards Cottage, so he too is settled- and Foljambe confirms how happy she is to be staying with him. So he's happy.
Lucia tells Benjy that she is making him her heir in her will, bequeathing him Grebe and a 'small sum in cash'. Georgie is tearful and they both hope it will be a long time away. How ominous....
Lucia serves up a meal for everyone at Grebe to celebrate moving in, unleashing her 'Lobster a la Riseholme' which has everybody hooked. Mapp asks for the recipe but Lucia repeatedly declines to provide it, even when told that this is customary in Tilling. When it is time for everyone to head home, the weather is getting rather stormy.
Next day, Mapp sets off for a 'pre-prandial' (pre lunch for those who didn't do Latin at school) walk as the weather begins to turn stormy again: she meets Lucia and Georgie's servants on the way to a whist drive in Tilling and is told that Lucia is out for a walk too. Mapp goes to Grebe and walks into the unlocked kitchen. There, she soon locates the recipe for Lobster a la Riseholme and copies it. Lucia arrives but before she can ask Mapp why she's there, the sea begins to inundate the house! The inner door to the house has been locked by the servants before they left (presumably Lucia has only the front door key and it's too dangerous to go out to the front door) and Lucia urges Mapp to upturn and climb onto the kitchen table...
Later, we see, in a distant haze, an upturned kitchen table out at sea with two figures upon it.....
Of course it's a contrived situation (not to mention it's odd that the servants leave access open to the kitchen with all its books, cutlery, crockery and implements). Woolgar's comment about the dykes never being breached in living memory is proven wrong remarkably quickly. We'd never expect it of an estate agent! Was he just using sales spiel?
The others gather sadly in the village hall to keep a vigil. Irene and Georgie are inconsolable.
The local lifeboatman reports that he saw something strange- like an upturned kitchen table with two ladies grasping the legs - but dismissed it as too unlikely and ascribes the sighting to sea serpents!
So- no rescue....it looks grim...
Mr and Mrs Wyse invite everyone for dinner - 'no need to dress for dinner' - it must be serious!
Everyone gathers at Mr & Mrs Wyse's house. Diva raises the possibility that Mapp went to Grebe to steal the recipe, which is strongly dismissed by Major Benjy. Irene stalks out in tears, while Georgie remonstrates with Mrs Wyse.
A few days later, the kitchen table is found on the seashore. Padre attempts to appropriate it as finder but is prevented by Georgie.
A couple of months later and Georgie is visited by Lucia's solicitor. He confirms that Georgie is to inherit Grebe: but the 'small cash sum' is a humungous £80,000, equivalent to more than £6 million in 2023! The only problem is that wthl Lucia not yet officially pronounced dead, pending further evidence, her servants cannot be paid by the estate nor the property heated and provided with electricity. It's understandable how this problem arises, though it's surprising it takes as long as 2 months for the solicitor to say something about it. Didn't Grosvenor and Cadman say something about not being paid and asking what's to happen? Who is paying for food on the table for them?
Georgie solves the matter by paying these costs himself, rather than making the servants redundant and closing up Grebe. Good for him!
In the bar next day, Major Benjy explains the same has happened to him, though he gets Mallards and £10,000 (say £700,000 in todays money. Less than Lucia by a long way, but still a great deal of money). They exchange muted 'congratulations' (to be fair, the Padre falls into the same error). We see Georgie talking to Lucia's staff and looking after the finances. We don't see Benjy's interview with Mapp's solicitor, but the same must apply - Mapp has Withers and a cook and probably a maid, so who is paying them, employing them and paying to maintain Mallards? We can only presume a similar agreement is made by Benjy - but we don't get to see it. The contrast makes Georgie appear caring and Benjy callous, an impression intensified in the next episode.
Mapp & Lucia: The Italian Connection (1985)
An Italian Job
The garden fete takes place at Mallards and is well attended.
Like almost all the scenes in this series, it is a glorious sunny day and everything is in vivid colours.
We see Cadman and Foljambe go in in their 'civvies', paying a half-a-crown entry (2/6d, or 12.5p or a dime in today's money). Mapp tries to march in for free, seeing it as her house, but Grosvenor on gate duty reminds her that the funds are for the hospital and Mapp pays up.
Everyone is there and enjoying the fete. Lucia is chatting with some visitors and children. A choir is singing, minded by Susan Wyse and Mr Wyse is acting as the 'curtain puller' between scenes. A chubby choir boy has picked one of Mapp's figs and she chases him around the garden unavailingly.
Lucia is wearing some sort of warrior woman costume but she refuses to say who she will be.
The stage and backstage stands in the garden and Mapp points out to Mr Wyse that it is digging holes in her garden lawn. Backstage, the prominent Tillingites await their turn.
All are nervous, applying final touches of makeup and adjusting costumes. The entertainment is what was known as 'Tableau vivant' or 'living picture' featuring static poses of historical personages in costume. Bear in mind that in 1930 the main medium was not yet television or even radio: films were just starting with sound and in the main not yet in colour. There was no google or other means of obtaining information outside of books held at the local library or which you could afford to purchase. Today it would be considered tame, but when you look at how even wealthy Tillingites still spend their evenings- playing cards or making music - the latter unlikely to be much of an option for poorer families - then this would be quite exciting. Of course, it also means the participants have no lines to learn.
It also gives the crowd the opportunity to laugh at their social superiors!
First on are Padre and Diva, in 'The Execution of Mary Queen of Scots'. Diva was understandably nervous about standing beneath an axe (though one might expect something wooden to be fabricated). In fact Padre does slip a bit and the two return, relieved, backstage.
Georgie Pilsen is on next as Beau Brummel but his pose is spoiled when he is buzzed by a wasp.
Next on is Major Benjy as Henry VIII, he has been fortifying himself backstage and is -as so often - inebriated. He holds in 'Holbein' stance for a couple of seconds before he topples backward, fortunately Mr Wyse had seen it coming and closed the curtains!
Quaint Irene, dressed as a sailor, sings a naughty ditty and drops her trousers to show her panties from behind: she goes down well.
Finally, to a chorus of 'Rule Britannia' we see Lucia, looking resplendent as the personification of the country to a major round of applause.
Mapp has been standing watching, applauding the pratfalls (except Benjy's) and cross at the successes.
Afterwards, the main Tillingites meet for tea in the house. Lucia has already taken the trouble to mount her rejected painting above the fireplace.
Even Mapp attends, explaining to Lucia she has enjoyed the occasion in a spirit of forgiveness. Lucia and Georgie share a significant glance of relief when Mr Wyse intimates that his sister, the Contessa de Faraglione, was hoping to come but now could not. He catches sight of the painting- and asks why it wasn't submitted to the art exhibition. Neither he nor Mrs Wyse have seen it although they and Mapp are the art committee. He suggest that there must have been some 'hanky-panky' going on, which as Georgie observes later, is 'strong language for him'.
Mapp initially tries to withdraw but soon stands mute, head dropped, waiting for the end. It seems she has been nailed, her letters of rejection about to come to light, her machinations fully exposed. But instead, Lucia comes up with an unlikely explanation that the error must lay with the framers, who sent their submissions back to she and Georgie by accident!
It has to be said that the book keeps comparing the sparring of Mapp and Lucia to 'Napoleonic' schemes of battle; but Mapp's action in rejecting Lucia and Georgie's paintings seems sadly flawed. Not only has she provided written evidence of her activity but it takes only a word from Lucia to the Wyses, as the other members of the art committee, to put the 'fat in the fire'.
The two paintings are hastily added to the exhibition in especially visible positions.
After the exhibition, unsold paintings are disposed of - Lucia buys Georgie's, but her own painting remains unsold, perhaps because she put too high a price on it- and as it's for the hospital, Mapp is obliged to buy it....
Lucia starts holding what she calls 'po di mu' (a little music, I think) for her guests- basically listening to Lucia playing rather dull classical piano pieces and posing for effect, with a very light repast- tomato salad. The others soon get bored and fall asleep and start trying to avoid it and Lucia loses some ground.
Next it appears that Mr Wyse's sister IS coming to stay. Since she speaks fluent Italian, Mr Wyse looks forward to 'a feast of Italian'. But Lucia and Benjy don't. Why? Because their Italian is all front: they know a few phrases and effect a style, but they can't begin to talk with a genuine speaker of the language. They rely upon the ignorance of everyone else not to see through their imposition. They can't risk being exposed.
And Mapp certainly - and correctly- suspects this. She has tested both of them with the Italian for 'paperknife' from a dictionary and they didn't know it, though Lucia resorts to attacking Mapp's pronunciation (this turns out to be her habitual defence when exposed as a non-speaker of the lingo).
It's panic stations- Lucia comes up with one of the best lines of the series - 'How tiresome it is to have to stop ourselves doing something we can't do. 'Or words to that effect.
Eventually, it is decided that Lucia will feign an attack of influenza (remember, this disease had been killing millions only 10 years earlier and medical science hadn't really advanced enough to come up with effective vaccines yet). An attack might be serious and furthermore, nobody else wanted to catch it. Georgie heads off to Folkestone for a 'holiday' with Cadman and Foljambe, paid for by Lucia.
Eventually Mapp decides to climb the church tower, where she sees Lucia skipping in the 'secret garden' - the tower is the only place that overlooks it.
Whilst in Folkestone, George meets a Mrs Brocklebank - an Italian lady, married to a British diplomat based in Rome. How fortunate! Under the guise of setting Mrs Brocklebank's daughter an exercise in writing a letter in Italian explaining that she is sorry she cannot attend the Contessa due to her illness, George forwards this to Lucia, who writes it out herself.
Grosvenor hands this to the Contessa during lunch with the Wyses and others just as Mapp is declaiming against Lucia as lying about her illness. In fact the others just assume Lucia is recovering though they don't seem to question too closely why Georgie had to disappear. The Contessa reads the letter- confirmed by Mapp to be in Lucia's hand- and pronounces that she is glad not to have met Lucia as with Italian this good, she would have exposed the Contessa's less-than-perfect Italian! Game, set and Match to Lucia.
Mapp retires frustrated and as always, Lucia's acolyte - Quaint Irene, who is plainly potty about her, rushes to give the good news.
Of course, in 1930 it wasn't easy to find someone who spoke Italian, there being no Google, and in fact Lucia and Georgie strike lucky here. But in fact Georgie could have simply gone to town to find a good Italian speaker who might carry out this trick for them.
Other than her 'po di mu' miscalculation, Lucia is impressive in this episode. Mapp is aggressive and has consistently tried to cheat Lucia but her double dealings have backfired on her. Lucia impressively turned Mapp's clumsy attempt to see her out of the art exhibition upon Mapp, leaving Mapp pretty much dead in the water had Lucia chosen to unleash the letters of rejection.
Here Lucia briefly explains that she didn't finish Mapp because she basically enjoys the sport and it makes her feel good to know that Mapp knows she outfoxed her. In the book - where Lucia uses her advantage to keep Mapp quiet and grateful for a bit - the letters are eventually produced, but not in the series. Fundamentally, Lucia knows she can beat Mapp but she does relish the competition, which nobody in Riseholme can provide any longer.
Why does Lucia usually win? Well, she holds most of the cards - more attractive, more money, probably better educated and cleverer - but most of all, she's simply NICE to everyone most of the time. She's likeable and that counts a lot. She's a person-manager, par excellence. Mapp obviously gets on with Major Benjy but not well with Quaint Irene. Diva is friends with whoever she's talking to at the time, the village gossip and seems to be Mapp's oldest friend but they are always carping at one another. And Mapp is obsequious to the wealthy Wyses, which probably makes them cringe somewhat.
Mapp & Lucia: Battle Stations (1985)
A Drift toward War
The Elizabethan fete at Riseholme is a great success: even when there is a setback and the 'Golden Hinde' collapses due to poor workmanship, jettisoning 3 cooks into the river and encouraging Daisy Quantock to flee, Lucia's quick thinking with a stirring quote wins the day.
All credit to Geraldine McKewan who not only looks the part but cleverly overacts when Lucia gives Elizabeth's 'I may have the heart of a woman but I have the stomach of a prince' speech
Lucia sportingly gives credit to Daisy's 'spadework' in setting up the fete but it is Lucia who is the flamboyant and acknowledged star.
Flush with heady success and with Riseholme firmly in her unopposed sovereignty, Lucia and Georgie motor across to Tilling to begin their holiday.
Lucia begins to discuss their relationship with George, who is plainly uncomfortable with the prospect that Lucia might wish to become 'closer', especially physically. He is delighted when Lucia explains that she is happy with the relationship as it is and she plainly doesn't want to get closer- at least for now.
Lucia is somewhat bored by her unopposed hegemony at Riseholme and is seeking new challenges and thrills. She is soon to find them.
On arrival, Lucia finds Mapp awaiting her, still fussing about over household effects she wants to remove during the let.
Lucia and Benjy soon find the famed Blumenfeld piano is a write off. My father has played piano for many years, including membership of 3 and 4 piece bands in the 60s. He knew instantly on hearing the sound produced that the piano is useless unless completely restrung. It is beyond tuning. No wonder Georgie describes it as a hurdy-gurdy! To be fair to Mapp, since nothing indicates she actually plays the instrument but only explains that it was owned by her mother and grandmother, she may simply be unaware of the ongoing requirement to keep the instrument tuned.
The piano is pushed into the telephone room and replaced by a serviceable instrument rented from Brighton.
This proves but a precursor, as Mapp repeatedly barges in unannounced and without prior notice, on one pretext or another. Even when Lucia instructs Grosvenor (the excellent Geraldine Newman) to leave the chain on the door during the day, Mapp barges through, ripping the chain out which has to be refitted more stoutly by the locksmith.
To cap this off, Mapp arrives to argue about the duties of Coplan the gardener. Lucia had instructed Coplan to weed the untidy garden but Coplan demurred, explaining that Mapp has asked him to report to her each morning for instruction on the fruit and vegetable produce, which Mapp has specifically excluded from Lucia's enjoyment under the terms agreed because she has contracted it to Twistebans the greengrocers in town. Lucia curtly explains that she pays his wages (14 shillings a week, discussed in the previous episode) and she expects him to spend his time as she requires.
When Mapp protests that the rent agreed excluded fruit and veg, Lucia agrees but makes it clear that she pays for Coplan's time and she means to have it. Mapp must pay somebody else to look after her fruit and veg produce. Mapp is forced to concede.
Next day, carrying her easel for painting, Lucia encounters Major Benjy and although he explains that Tilling residents usually take tea together, Lucia asks him to dine, dinner and bridge. When Lucia asks who might come also, Benjy loyally suggests Mapp but Lucia turns this down on the grounds that Mapp might feel embarrassed to be invited to dine at her own house. This seems unlikely, but Benjy is happy when Diva Plaistow proves acceptable.
Later, Georgie is heartbroken when Lucia explains that Cadman the chauffeur has indicated his wish to marry Georgie's maid Foljambe - when they return to Riseholme. Lucia tries to talk him round, but Georgie explains that 'this is the worst thing that ever happened to me' and is desolate when Lucia explains that she won't lose Cadman's services, but he may lose Foljambe's. Georgie starts talking about codicils to his will in terms of his eventual bequest to Foljambe!
Fortunately Foljambe is disposed to work for Georgie during the day once she's married and the marriage won't take place for a bit anyway. Georgie calms down and Lucia's first entertainment begins.
Diva and Benjy duly attend and thoroughly enjoy the repast, a recipe Lucia says her great aunt discovered in Normandy - Lobster a la Riseholme. To top it all, Lucia loses at Bridge very sportingly, prompting Diva to compare the scoldings she has received from Mapp over Bridge in that very room with Lucia's generosity.
One other matter arose over dinner. Lucia, always speaking generously of Mapp, brings up the subject of her fruit having to be purchased at Twistebans despite being grown in the garden here. Under discussion, it is soon discovered not only that Mapp has overcharged Lucia but that she is selling her own garden produce and eating Diva's! Added to the refusal to explain the rent agreed to herself and Irene in the last episode, Diva is very disgruntled and the matter is liable to be raised again over lunch with the Wyses..
So far, it is Mapp who is responsible for all of the needling at Lucia. She has overcharged the rent to her, withheld the garden produce and then attempted to use Coplan's time which Lucia is paying for. There is also the unwarranted buildup of the piano as a partial basis for the rent charged. On top of that. Mapp's persistent refusal to respect Lucia's privacy and allow her uninterrupted enjoyment of the property keeps adding to the aggravation.
Nevertheless, for now, Lucia says nothing adverse about Mapp and responds in the negative when Georgie eggs Lucia on, asking if 'this means war'.
However, Lucia does hit back by permitting Rev Bartlett to hold a charity fete in the gardens of Mallards for the benefit of the hospital. Mapp has never permitted this and she is also chagrined that the poor and workhouse folk will be permitted entry on Rev Bartlett's suggestion.
When Mapp again barges in to complain vociferously, Lucia send her away with a flea in her ear.
There are certainly lessons which both Mapp and Lucia could earn from having a professionally prepared rental agreement!
Nevertheless, Mapp encourages Lucia and Benjy.to submit their recent artwork - painted in town - to the Tilling art exhibition. They duly do so, only to receive the submissions back promptly along with a letter- typed by Mapp - politely declining the exhibits due to lack of space. Both Lucia and Georgie are considerably pained by this - but at last, Lucia acknowledges affirmatively- as ever with a laugh and a smile, relishing the contest - , when Georgie suggests that .'this means war'
Mapp & Lucia: The Village Fete (1985)
Setting the Scene
Mapp Lucia
I write as an affectionate and loving viewer of the series rather than having read the books.
Mrs Emmiline Lucas (aka Lucia) returns to social activity after several months of grief-stricken seclusion following the loss of her husband, wealthy barrister Phillip Lucas (aka 'Peppino' to Lucia).
Lucia is probably based upon Edwardian novelist and ''celebrity' Marie Corelli, who similarly affected to speak Italian and demonstrate artistic endeavour.
Lucia's neighbour Daisy Quantock finally achieves an 'audience' with Lucia. It seems that the inspiration for an imminent Elizabethan pageant was originally Lucia's but in her forced absence Daisy has taken over its management. Lucia was to play Good Queen Bess, but now it's Daisy.
Unfortunately, Daisy - a rather comical figure who seems to be the butt of most that goes wrong - lacks Lucia's innate ability to manage people as well as her sense of flair, timing and acting ability. Daisy's abilities do not match her ambitions.
When Daisy asks Lucia to come back and offers her a minor part, in consideration for Lucia's distractions, Lucia isn't having it.
Instead, Lucia persuades close friend Georgie Pilsen to come with her to Tilling in Sussex to look at a holiday let which Lucia envisages will be for two months. (There is nothing about Lucia's friendship with Georgie - which plainly goes back many years - to indicate that it is anything other than platonic by the way.) Georgie remembers Miss Mapp from a visit she made to Riseholme two or three years ago and is delighted to accompany her to view the property.
When they arrive, both are struck by the fact that when they make enquiries, everyone seems to be expecting them. Mapp is polite but pushy, describing the property - Mallards, with grounds of about 0.75 acres - as she shows them round then describing the leading residents of Tilling as she entertains Lucia and Georgie to tea and strawberries. It is however notable that Mapp doesn't let Lucia get a word in edgeways.
Mapp is happy to be letting to Lucia and agrees a price of 15 Guineas a week (a Guinea was £1 plus 1 shilling: £1.05 in today's money, but with very much more purchasing power in 1930). Fruit and vegetable produce is excluded as they are contracted to the local greengrocers Twistebans. These points come to significance later.
Later, Lucia and Georgie are looking around town and notice a nice house - Mallards cottage- over the road from Mallards, just right for Georgie to let for the stay. Upon enquiry, it is found to be owned my Mrs Susan Wyse.
As they look through the windows, Lucia and Georgie see a handkerchief waving from a window of Mallards and two figures scuttle over the road and inside. They are Diva (Godiva) Plaistow and Quaint Irene Coles. Mapp explains that the let has been agreed but is coy about the amount charged. Irene explains that the amount charged per the estate agent is 12 guineas a week and the two ladies want to see if Mapp obtained more. It turns out that there is a rental 'chain' in operation- Mapp lets to Lucia, then rents at 8 Guineas/week from Diva, who in turn rents Irene's house at 5 Guineas/week, who moves into the Lobster Fisherman's cottage at 2 Guineas/week, who - at the end of the chain - has a makeshift shanty on the beach.
Irene explains (for the viewers' benefit) that if Mapp has made Lucia pay 'though the nose' for Mallards (with its Bloomenfeld piano), this addition should be passed along the line - 'Equality, Fraternity and Noseality!' quotes Irene, playing a few notes upon the piano.
Mapp has charged more, but she isn't letting on or passing any of this gain along to her confederates.
We see that Mapp doesn't play 'with a straight bat', neither with Lucia nor her own acquaintances.
Lucia and Georgie then head to the Traders' Arms in Tilling for the night. There is a misunderstanding when the landlady thinks that they are married and require but one double room, giving a condescending 'nod nod wink wink' when Lucia explains that she and Georgie are not married; but after an indignant Lucia puts the matter right, they are then entertained to a drink by Major Benjy Flint (a military type of course) and Algernon Wyse (monocled and dressed rather like Tweedledum or Tweedledee: he's rich enough to be considered eccentric). Both are enthusiastic golfers.
Afterwards, Lucia and Georgie head to their bedrooms, each made significantly uncomfortable by the realisation that they can hear each others' movements next door. These are not the reactions of would-be lovers! Downstairs, an increasingly inebriated Benjy discusses the new pair with a similarly drunk Mr Wyse, Major Benjy pointing out that Georgie has a toupee, commenting that he thinks Lucia is 'damned attractive' and voyeuristically speculating upon the 'fol-de-rol' (ie, sex) taking place upstairs.
Of course, there isn't any. Mapp & Lucia contains nothing sexual, nor do any of the main characters have children. The most it does is to show that Benjy is straight and to strongly hint that Georgie is gay and later, that Quaint Irene is gay too - both aspects that weren't really talked about in 1930, or even that much more in 1985. In depicting a gay-straight platonic relationship between Lucia and Georgie, the book was virtually breaking new ground.
This also brings us to the question of age- how old are the characters supposed to be?
Well, the book doesn't specify - probably 40s to 50s. What we get here is the more mature end of that spectrum - Prunella Scales (Mapp) was about 53 when series 1 was made, Geraldine McEwan (Lucia) 53 also, Nigel Hawthorne (Georgie) 56 and Dennis Lill (Major Benjy) 43 (but balding and gruff, so he seems 10 years older). So, roughly mid-50s. That makes sense if we are looking at two socially competing, domineering women.
When I was watching the series when it was first shown in 1985, I was quite young and not particularly interested in the leading ladies from 'that' perspective, my eyes being mostly upon Foljambe (Georgie's servant) from that point of view.
Now 40 years or so older, I have to say I agree with Major Benjy that Lucia - with her syrupy, seductive tones and enunciation and her red bob, with great wardrobe - is bewitching. Mapp is portrayed as dowdy, tweedy and colourless in her approach to clothes. It says much for the ability of both actresses that they play the characters so well as seemingly to extract every last ounce of personality from them. Lucia is the clothes horse, Mapp a dowdy country 'gel'.
Next day, meeting at the estate agents Woolgar & Pipstow, Georgie gets his let of Mallards cottage from Mrs Wyse and he and Lucia are all set to stay after the Riseholme fete.
Back at Riseholme, Lucia seems to gad airily about the village as if in a dream, showing no concern for the fete as we are treated to Daisy Quantock's attempt to act out the part of Good Queen Bess knighting Francis Drake by belabouring poor Georgie about his head and neck with a wooden sword.
Daisy comes to see Lucia for advice but is plainly losing it and asks Lucia to direct the fete.
Lucia agrees and begins to push things into shape- including a lot of direction of the hapless Daisy. She also tries to get the milkman Mr Beresford - given the part of a messenger because his white horse is being used as the Queen's palfrey - to be on time for his cues!
Eventually, Daisy goes to see Lucia, gives up and asks Lucia to take the part of the Queen. Lucia agrees (having plainly been set on playing no other part all along) and the hapless Daisy now finds herself, with a sort of inevitable poetic justice - playing the part she had offered Lucia earlier- the part of Mrs Drake.
Now Lucia is in full control.
Charlie's Angels: Angels in Springtime (1978)
Fan-tastic Fantasy Femmes
There were a spate of 'Detective' TV Shows in the 70s, each one having its own 'hook' to attract viewers.
Charlies' Angels had as its 'hook', that of attractive lady detectives getting into peril and coming out triumphant in the end. Detectives as eye candy!
The ladies were thoughtfully chosen to combine different 'types' to appeal widely and the plots were 'light' - the focus was primarily upon the ladies, the cast of whom changed over the series.
This episode was one that probably came out near the top of the 'fetish femmes' category for exciting its male viewers.
The Angels are called to investigate the electrocution of a film star at a ladies-only health spa.
One sees the Angels at the spa resort, wearing loose gear or in saunas not leaving too much to the imagination. There is lady-on-lady interest.
Toward the end Kris, the blonde member of the team, is snooping about a chalet wearing a pink tracksuit and plimsolls. There she is discovered by Zora, the tough lady on the villains' team.
Kris remonstrates feebly but Zora isn't having any of it. No nasty stuff shown, but Kris is thrown about the room a couple of times till she's knocked out, then dragged unconscious from the room.
When Kris wakes up, she's clearly been stripped naked and is weighed down by hot towels being placed over her by the baddies, who interrogate her subject to the threat of suffocating her with the. . Of course, she's rescued and all ends happily, except for the villains..
You Rang, M'Lord? (1988)
Final Jewel in the Crown for Croft and Perry
As other reviewers have remarked, this is possibly the best of all of the Croft and Perry series- depending on how you wish to define 'best'.
Perry and Croft themselves thought 'It Aint Half Hot Mum' their funniest and I'd agree with that, though Political Correctness has rather pushed that series into the sidelines. Is the 'best' series of a comedy the funniest? You pays your Money and you Takes Your Choice.
Clearly conceived as a spoof of 'Upstairs Downstairs', some of the episodes even mirrored those of the earlier, play-it-straight drama.
This series certainly stands apart from other Perry and Croft offerings in the following ways-
1. It is set furthest back in time- 1927-28.
2. Each episode stands at 50 minutes long instead
of 25-30 minutes. This provides more scope for
multiple storylines and plot development.
3. The themes featured are rather darker than in
earlier series and are far more adult-oriented and
less suitable for children.
4. There is often an overarching storyline over several episodes, unlike most previous series.
5. The stars of previous series were generally 'new' actors to the Perry/Croft Pantheon but the main characters here were from Hi-de_Hi or Aint Half Hot Mum. There were also actors from Dads Army.
The main characters were:-
Lord George Meldrum (Donald Hewlett) - a rather urbane and likeable aristocrat whose family is rich on rubber plantations in Malaya and a rubber products making company in England. It is strongly implied that before acquiring the rubber plantations, the family got rich on the proceeds of slavery (17-18th centuries). George - a widower - is having a long running affair with Lady Agatha Shawcross, his rival's wife. Aside from the affair, his character was pretty much like his Colonel in Aint Half Hot Mum.
Hon Teddy Meldrum (Michael Knowles). At first sight an 'upper-class twit' much like his (very moral) Captain in Aint Half Hot Mum, Hon Teddy is sexually obsessed with servant girls and serially impregnates members of the staff whom George then has to pay allowances. He constantly got to repeat the same lines. Personally, I loathed the character.
Alf Stokes (Paul Shane) - Ex Music Hall Knifethrowing Act, now Butler to the Meldrum Household and a much more sinister version of genial Ted Bovis in Hi de Hi, Alf was happy to take a gemstone from the ring of a wounded officer in the trenches, theft, breach of promise, violence and various self-interested schemes to get rich at the expense of his employers. A bolshevik in his political views and forever waiting for the revolution that never came.
James Twelvetrees (Jeffrey Holland)- Footman at the Meldrum household, baulked for promotion by Alf Stokes, Holland's character here was a far cry from fresh-faced trainee Camp Comic Spike Hughes. Though just as moral as Spike, Twelvetrees was a po-faced, stiff chap who mellowed as the series progressed. Much of the character stories revolved around his good looks and attraction to women. Likes Poppy Medrum but cant countenance any activity between social inferiors and betters. Conservative in every way. Stokes and Twelvetrees were ex-army 'comrades' who usually disagreed upon virtually everything.
Ivy Teasdale (Su Pollard) - Alf's daughter and maid to the household. Basically Peggy from Hi de Hi but a little less potty. In Hi de Hi she also carried pathos relating to her attempts to become a yellowcoat- here it is for her unrequited affection for James Twelvetrees.
Constable Wilson (Bill Pertwee) - 'put that light out!' ARP warden of Dads Army vintage now transformed to a policeman- indeed, pretty much the only policeman. Occasionally considered himself one of the staff and had an on-off relationship with Mrs Lipton.
Other Regular Characters-
Cissie (Cecily) Meldrew - eldest daughter of George: a blatant Lesbian in dress and lifestyle. Cissy is the nicest member of the family- supports the workers politically and is always sympathetic to staff.
Poppy Meldrew. Spoilt younger daughter of George, Poppy is pretty but selfish and spiteful. Likes James and enjoys teasing him.
Lady Lavender - Lord George's mother-in-law, lives in the house. Fairly batty and clearly partially senile but lives with a talking parrot called Captain and is often far more clear-sighted than one might expect.
Sir Ralph Shawcross - an ill-tempered older man married to an attractive young woman. Rival to Lord George in business terms but seems to have a love/hate relationship. His reputation is of violence in his youth and Lord George is frightened of him but simultaneously cuckolds him. Fearful that his wife will run away with another man; with good reason.
Lady Agatha Shawcross - pretty wife of Sir Ralph who is always ready to take on another lover. Lord George's paramour.
Mrs Lipton- well-padded cook of a certain age.
Henry- a sort of sub-footman/dogsbody, clipped round the ear every few minutes after a cheeky quip. Likes Ivy but too unattractive to attract her interest which is all for James.
Mabel - Underhouse maid or whatever: basically, bottom of the pile. Doesn't live in ; most of the staff exclude her wherever possible but Alf and Ivy are sympathetic to her.
In some ways, this looks like unpromising comic material but Croft and Perry did a superb job in making each episode funny and in making us like characters that on paper we oughtn't to like.
Not only was it very funny, but well researched in terms of attitudes, current politics and even such nice touches as the 'Sengerphone' used by poet Audry Wilmslow to narrate his poem. It's basically a huge traffic cone painted black and used as a sort of megaphone. Look it up on Wikipedia- it really existed at the time!
The characters develop nicely over the 4 series, never losing your affection all the way to a quite reasonable and happy last episode.
Mapp & Lucia: Winner Takes All (1986)
A Balloting Battle
The previous season ended with an otherwise pointless conversation as Lucia and Georgie are motoring in their Rolls - Lucia raising the apparently unrelated matters of an election and investment. That was in effect, the series 1 closer with a hint about series 2.
This episode sees these matters come to pass.
Mapp and Benjy return from their Honeymoon at Monte Carlo with Mapp now affecting French phrases to rival Lucia's Italian quips.
Georgie has been in hiding for some time and eventually finds out that he has shingles. He has grown a beard to hide the worst effects and has to dye it at the barber to cover his white-flecked growth.
Lucia has Cadman spirit Georgie along the road to Mallards, where he stays secretly. Lucia restores his self confidence by assuring the vain Georgie that he looks like a character from a Van Dyck painting. Georgie duly turns up - to everybody's surprise - at Mapp's birthday tea dressed as a Van Dyck character complete with 17th century collar ruff but is disappointed when after his initial welcome no further interest in him is displayed.
Reason for this is the impending elections to the town council, with the issue of property rates being the main talking point- everyone here owns property so are directly involved. Mapp especially worries that this will hit her hard.
Major Benjy indicates his intention to stand for election to the Town Council.
Georgie - who from a personal point of view doesn't want the rates to rise - later suggests Mapp and Benjy's problem to Lucia, who grins wryly without comment. Clearly she is aware of the implications to Mapp and Benjy should the rates increase- they could be forced to vacate Mallards.
Instead Lucia disclaims about the need to raise funds to clear the slums and provide facilities (toilets) and pasteurise milk (which we now take for granted). She is all for rates increase, which she can easily afford. Does she have a less creditable agenda also?
Lucia declares her candidacy and Benjy withdraws his in favour of his wife Mapp, who understandably will campaign not to raise rates. The two candidates set to canvassing the (wealthier) Tillingites.
Their servants.chat happily on the beach providing their points of view, unworried by the outcome and unable to participate anyway.
Simultaneously Lucia reads an obituary for a lady, who having been left £500 in her employer's will (actually quite a sizeable sum in 1930) invested it to become a wealthy philanthropist. This fuels her desire to increase rates and succour the less fortunate but also inspires Lucia to invest in shares.
After consulting a stockbroker, Lucia invests in a West African gold mine called Siriami.and duly starts making money. Lucia generously tells her 'friends' (albeit now posing as an expert investor, which she isn't) and they too start squirrelling away Siriami shares purchased at the Post Office, each trying not to let on to the other what they are doing! Hilariously, Mapp, Diva and Benjy all secretly put by parcels of shares with 'a couple of hundred lying around' (This in a time when you could purchase a terraced house in London for under £400, to give it proper perspective. It's hardly a game for people like Coplen the gardener, on 14 shillings (2/3 of £1) per week salary.
The Siriami shares seem to be rising steadily and everyone is congratulating themselves on making a nice windfall. Mapp even begins to contemplate a year without having to let Mallards to make ends meet. (Nothing much about Mapp and Benjy's financial position seems to make much sense seeing as they now have two incomes, one house, no mortgage and the funds presumably from Benjy's sale of his own house. Mapp and Benjy also keep Withers, Coplen, Housemaids and Cook. But so the author determined.).
Then Lucia - again generously- announces that she has consulted with her broker and decided to sell her Siriami shares as there will be no dividends for some years. Lucia presents this rather as herself advising the stockbroker rather than the other way around, which is 99% more probable. Everyone sells off their shareholdings - except Mapp and Benjy, who choose to challenge Lucia on her new ground of expertise in share investment.
Unfortunately for Mapp and Benjy, Lucia's stockbroker is correct. Everyone gets out of Siriami with a nice profit, except Mapp and Benjy who are either forced to hold onto shares at a paper loss or actually sell at a real loss.
Mapp's hopes evaporate and now she is really up against it to battle to keep the rates down.
Following election day, Mapp and Lucia stand awaiting the result. Only now do we find out that all of the major political parties are pitching for the seat! Mapp and Lucia draw personally on 39 votes each but the Conservatives win with 250 or so votes, with Labour and Liberal not far behind. All that work when they realistically hadn't much of a hope.
Lucia is clearly upset and sees it as a personal affront, flouncing off followed by Georgie and in fact Georgie and Diva (the eternal 'floatiing voter') may well not have voted for Lucia.
However poor Mapp exits tearfully, ineffectively comforted by Benjy as she explains that the Conservatives are also going to put the rates up and that Mallards may well be lost....
From this point on, Mapp is really no longer a match for Lucia. Other than the occasional blow landed, Mapp can only stand in Lucia's wake as Lucia's social standing takes off.
Mapp & Lucia: Change and Change About (1986)
Lucia on Top
This is the episode which really changes the dynamic in the series.
The first season and episode 1 of season 2 shows the two ladies as almost equal sparring partners.
This episode sees Lucia taking Mallards and a 'broke' Mapp pushed out of the parish to flooding-prone Grebe. 'Broke' is of course relative: it does not indicate poverty for the 'upper classes'. Mapp still maintains a cook and Withers as general dogsbody.
The remainder of the series sees Lucia using her much greater wealth to push herself to a socially supreme position, even if the other Tilligites don't seem to love her much for it.
Lucia is a much brighter, sunny and socially adept character than is Mapp and this, combined with the incidence of her 'honeymoon period' after coming to Tilling has seen most Tillingites welcome her. She is a strong contrast to the more dour and bossy Mapp, though Diva's comments indicate that Lucia heads down the 'bossy' route too once her dominance becomes established.
The episode begins with Quaint Irene bringing Lucia news that she has overheard Major Benjy talking with the Estate Agent with a view to obtaining a long let or even a sale of Mallards.
It's Irene's view that Mapp is broke - a consequence of the rates rise ominously mentioned in the last episode, plus the Siriamai shares disaster. It's not clear whether in holding onto their shares despite Lucia's broker's warning, Mapp and Benjy have lost their investment, or it is just not going to pay dividends for some years.
It's not clear why even with the combined resources of Mapp and Benjy (he sold his house and presumably receives a decent army pension as a Major) plus her £10,000 in the bank (less any Siriami investment) - why Mapp and Benjy can't pay even increased rates. Given, Mallards is the Nevertheless, that's what the plot says.
There ensues a period of tension as Lucia offers Mapp to swap Grebe for Mallards and £2,000. Mapp rejects a deal at first but Benjy persuades her otherwise. Later Lucia increases the offer to 2,000 Guineas (£2100) even though Mapp as accepted £2,000! It's presumed they deal at £2,050 (a very large sum of money in 1930 - you could buy a terraced house in London for £395).
Lucia takes up residence and soon settles down to brightening up the somewhat dour and dowdy residence.
There's an alert when Georgie detects gas and the local gas fitter and surveyor, who are brothers, determine the problem. We even get to see Georgie in a gasmask, though it's very hard to imagine him having been in the war!
The process alerts Lucia to the possibility that there may be historical artefacts buried in her garden.
She sets to work diligently, digging up and cleaning bits of glass and pottery and - unwisely- giving out regular bulletins on her discoveries.
News soon reaches the local paper and Mapp notifies the British Museum, who are sending out an authority to look at the dig!
Sadly for Lucia, at this point she discovers that far from digging up a Roman temple in her back garden, all she has is modern debris- a broken bottle of modern mineral water, Appollonis Sp.
This is about the only time we see Lucia apparently stumped on what to do and lose her nerve.
Fortunately, Georgie steps up to the mark and breathes new life into her, urging Lucia to give a celebration party and simply brazen it out.
Face saved, Lucia is ready to forge on....
Mapp & Lucia: Lady Bountiful (1986)
Bountiful yet Bumptious
Lucia really starts to pull away from her rivals in this episode: plentifully supplied with money, she is able to lavish contributions toward multiple organisations, most notably restoring the Church organ.
Lucia genuinely appears motivated to help others less fortunate than herself: there seems no reason to doubt her frequently-voiced (in her seductively-syrupy tones) desire to do so.
Charity is charity: and all credit for having donated.
However, Lucia's charity is not selfless: in return she desires recognition and most of all, advancement.
Poor Mapp and Major Benjy are flooded out -at least the second flood there. Mr Woolgar's statement to Lucia when she bought Grebe that 'the sea has never broken through the dykes' suggests that either the estate agent is -surpise surprise - not entirely truthful or alternatively that Tilling is undergoing rapid climate change.
Lucia generously allows both to stay at Mallards and provides meals etc, for which she seems to receive little gratitude.
Benjy insults Mapp by insisting that the Mallards' cuisine is superior to his own at Grebe.
Ears on stalks, Mapp listens (not very subtlely) for each phone conversation, which includes an offer for Lucia to be co-opted onto the Town Council, so getting what she failed to attain at the election, much to Mapp's anger.
Mapp and Benjy's emergency interrupts Georgie, who is attempting to work around to a suggestion that he and Lucia get married. Thwarted, Georgie throws a 'not-talking' tantrum.
The repairs to the Church organ completed, Lucia offers to cater for a visit from the Bishop to which Padre eagerly assents.
With frequent references to the Vox Humana, Lucia wangles it that she play the initial piece on the organ, Georgie to play pedals only.
Mapp observes this and is reduced to making catty comments- there isn't much she can do anymore to hinder Lucia.
The Bishop presides; he is taken aback when Lucia refers to the organ as 'hers' and he cannot even remember Lucia's name (substituting 'a distinguished citizeness of Tilling') and he beats a hasty retreat after enjoying a bite to eat and drink, clearly reluctant to be held in conversation by self-promoting, if generous, philanthropists.
Nevertheless the local paper duly turns out an edition lauding Lucia, mostly omitting reference to the Padre whose Church it is. Even Georgie is chagrined at his contribution being omitted also.
Lucia invites her disgruntled peers to tea with strawberries, but again gets little gratitude.
The problem is that by getting so far ahead of most of the other residents (the Wyses excepted), jealousy and the wish to see Lucia 'taken down a peg or two' (as Diva puts it) begin to rear their ugly heads.
At Mallards later, enjoying a comfortable evening together- though notably engaged on separate activities and talking to themselves - Georgie finally gets round to popping the question and Lucia assents, subject to the understanding that there be no physical interaction, to which Georgie happily agrees. There is clearly affection, but it's in each other's company.
The main problem to be overcome is how Grosvenor and Foljambe should establish areas of authority. Fortunately the employees have been expecting the marriage and worked it all out for their none-too-bright (if reasonably cultured) employers. The laboured language as the staff attempt to suggest things without offending their employers is tortuous!
Lucia is at first disposed to avoid a formal wedding with the attendant publicity, but Georgie - who has not been married before, as has Lucia - persuades her otherwise.
Then Mapp materialises at Mallards - to give Lucia the self same, word for word warning about marriage to Georgie - the risk of buying a 'pig in a poke' - as Lucia had delivered to Mapp when she announced her engagement to Major Benjy!
Lucia is irritated but says nothing, promising Mapp her invitation to the wedding.
The episode ends with Lucia and Georgie getting married - Lucia explaining that she should be in the centre of the photo (pretty understandably on your wedding day) and a bitchy Mapp remark that this is 'as usual'.
Mapp & Lucia: Worship (1986)
Mapp the Mayoress
Now married to Georgie, Lucia is visited by the Mayor who reveals that he is to step down and invites Lucia to take over as Mayor.
Naturally, Lucia accepts and is soon engaged in the sport of deciding who is to act as Lady Mayoress.
Each of the other lady 'society Tillingites'- Diva, Susan Wyse, Quaint Irene and Mapp - express their willingness to serve. While Georgie is disappointed to discover that being the Mayor's husband confers no benefits upon him whatsoever.
Indeed, the appointment appears to redound to Georgie's disadvantage because Lucia insists that the Mayor must be seen to economise, taking mutton instead of lamb amongst other things.
Lucia appears to be suffering from the same problem as Susan Wyse: as Susan is too proud to talk directly to the shopkeeper but issues her order from her car through her chauffeur, so now Lucia disdains going shopping, explaining that this is in case the other customers feel compelled to defer to her and make way. For her.
Georgie reassures Lucia that this will not happen anyway: he is clearly irritated by it all. His view is that her peers will regard her reluctance to shop as excessive pride.
Lucia canvasses the candidates for Mayoress In the end she opts for Mapp, to Georgie's surprise and disapproval.
Susan Wyse pretty much disqualifies herself by suffering a form of nervous breakdown after accidentally sitting upon and squashing her pet budgerigar Bluebirdie. Bluebirdie is displayed upon her hat and blouse but ultimately falls into her dessert at a meal. Ultimately a distraught Mr Wyse persuades Lucia to 'exorcise' Bluebirdie at a fake seance then burn the body, which seems to calm Mrs Wyse.
Lucia continues to be generous however- when Diva Plaistow tells Lucia she has a problem with her tearooms, Lucia is quick to offer her a loan but this isn't required.
Diva might have made a good Mayoress, being knowledgeable about Tilling and fairly supportive. Irene would also have been a reasonable choice but she is inclined to deliberately inflammatory behaviour and her general demeanour to Lucia - emphasised by her tearful response to news of Lucia's marriage to Georgie - is so warm as to suggest an unrequited crush, which Lucia. Probably finds uncomfortable.
Lucia's choice of Mapp is counter-intuitive but suggests that she rather enjoys their confrontations, which she is generally able to win. (For instance, in series 1 Lucia had Mapp 'dead in the water' over the returned artwork exhibits affair but declined to press the matter for the same reasons.) No doubt this was also required to make an interesting story.
Mapp retails a false story to Irene of a worn-down Lucia begging her for help, though why she bothered telling Lucia's most enthusiastic adherent is unclear since Irene's response to her is characteristically unpleasant.
Irene then suggests that Mapp adopt a half-hopping pose which she photographs - and promptly flogs the photo to the local paper where the photo is displayed with the heading 'Our New Lady Mayoress'.
Mapp is humiliated and in an amusing sequence Major Benjy walks into town clutching a bullwhip intending to take it out on the newspaper editor personally. The editor's secretary explains that the editor won't be free for a quarter hour and offers Major Benjy a drink.
An hour or two later, Benjy and the editor make it home to Mapp, both blind drunk and requiring dinner and new fast friends.
The Tillingites have a close call when taking tea at Diva Plaistow's new teashop, sitting in a back room playing bridge for a penny a hundred points. At the time gambling was illegal (even for paltry sums like here) so when the Police Inspector calls.- and there is no alternative exit from the room- the group sit transfixed as the Inspector requests Lucia's signature on some warrants. In doing so the cards and stakes are exposed but the Inspector ignores it.
Next Lucia is bitten by a craze to ride a bike. Despite a few mishaps along the way, to the financial profit of workmen whose tent is serially and comically demolished, most of the Tillingites join in- even Susan Wyse, who cycles with her chauffeur walking behind her to hold up her fur coat!
Lucia cycles too fast downhill through Tilling and is caught by the Police Inspector, not realising at first who she is. When he finds out, he is again disposed to forget the matter but Lucia insists she is summoned and fined, like anyone else would be.
Once again Lucia demonstrates her principles but Mapp gossips that she is bringing shame to her Office and that she is considering resignation as Mayoress in response. Padre responds that it is a reasonable idea and Mapp drops the matter.
Mapp & Lucia: Au Reservoir (1986)
The Final Battle
So we reach the ultimate round of the bout.
Quaint Irene's mission to the Royal Academy with her picture featuring Mapp and Major Benjy is a great success and both Irene and Mapp rocket to national or even international coverage.
One hopes poor Mapp actually gets some sort of payout on the back of this since so far in this series she's lurched from one financial disaster to the next. But the story doesn't tell us.
Lucia's usual tactic on Irene attempting to humiliate or do down Mapp is to disclaim all responsibility for her most enthusiastic supporter's activities.
This time, Lucia is nettled when Mapp and Benjy actually express enthusiastic thanks for the fillip this has provided for Mapp.
Lucia asked a happy Irene to paint a picture of her in her full Mayoral finery.
Irene does so but Mapp as Mayoress scotches this move by persuading the town council that it doesn't do her justice, thereby scoring against both Lucia and Irene.
Lucia and Georgie are invited to London to see an opera starring two old Riseholme acquaintances, singer Olga Braceley (Anna Quayle) and composer. Cortese. They also meet the Duchess of Sheffield, aka Poppy. (Irene Handl).
Poppy takes to Georgie because she likes his beard but hasn't much time for Lucia.
They subsequently go to see the pair at Riseholme and devise a meeting with Poppy. The meeting is aborted because Poppy is unwell but Lucia attempts to go and is given fairly short shrift. She nevertheless invites Poppy to stay with her when she wants.
Poppy does stay the night on her way over to catch the boat to France but other than Grosvenor nobody witnesses it.
Georgie subsequently goes to Le Touquet with the group. At first he gives Lucia a fright when he says he isnt coming home but then explains its just an extra weekend.
Lucia is now castigated by all the Tillingites for having her husband abscond with another woman and for lying about Poppy- even Irene agrees that she thinks Lucia has been lying.
After church on Sunday, an embittered Lucia lets loose at almost everybody, haranguing them for the false friends they are. Notably, she does not directly address Mapp, perhaps because Mapp has never really pretended to be a friend other than cosmetically.
However the group return shortly after and Georgie is very upset that the Tillingites have hurt his wife so. Fortuitously, Poppy opts for a return visit to Lucia at Mallards on the way home and Lucia is able to demonstrate that she did not lie about the first meeting.
Lucia overreaches herself here: being Mayor of Tilling means nothing to a Duchess and she only really shows interest in Georgie because she fancies him.
Mapp scores on both the painting issues, showing that Lucia's judgement in making her Mayoress was at fault. Lucia might enjoy the prospect of the battle but it's a sad lapse compared with her confident handling of earlier issues, albeit perhaps made necessary for a good storyline.
Overall however, Lucia wins massively.
At the end of series 1 they two appeared to be level but
by the end an impoverished Mapp is living out of the town's boundaries in a building regularly inundated by the sea (it would be uninsurable and effectively worthless).
Lucia has all the money, the best house in town and all the position and kudos she could hope for.
This isn't surprising: the author is reported to have represented himself in Lucia and she holds all the important cards.
Most especially, Lucia has MONEY and lots of it. After the two are swept out to sea we are told that Mapp has Mallards and £10,000 while Lucia has Grebe and £80,000. That's an eightfold discreprancy.
This asymmetric situation is only emphasised after the siriami shares matter, where Lucia makes gains and tells all of her friends when her broker tells her to bail out of siriami: Mapp ignores the advice and apparently loses massively (though provided she doesnt sell it's only on paper and the shares could bounce back.).
With the rates rise, she's apparently so broke she has to sell Mallards. It seems odd that after selling Major Benjy's house and moving in together on marriage so combining their resources, that they still cant afford Mallards whereas Diva and Irene aren't affected. (Lucia and the Wyses are too wealthy to worry about it.).
Perhaps it simply comes down to literary license for stories' sake.
Lucia can simply spend her ways to prestigious appointments and ultimately to Mayor. It's no different to Susan Wyse and her MBE.
Socially, the moral is that you can't really argue with money. Mapp hangs on in there and occasionally claws back a minor victory but it's firing a peashooter at an elephant. .
Mapp & Lucia (1985)
A pleasure to watch
I have not read the books so am presenting my impressions of the series as seen.
When recently-widowed Emmaline Lucas ('Lucia') and her somewhat effeminate friend Georgie Pilson rent Miss Elizaneth Mapp's house Mallards and nearby Mallard's Cottage (owned by Mrs Susan Wyse) for July and August, the effect upon the social life of Tilling's elite proves somewhat seismic.
Tilling society is dominated by Miss Mapp, not because she's the wealthiest (she isn't) but because of her determined personality; she is something of a 'shaker and mover'. Membership of the exclusive 'society' appears to be conferred by ownership of a reasonably substantial property and not by wealth alone.
Lucia's advent takes place at a particularly propitious time: Mapp's dominance has apparently lasted some time and some of the others are tired of being scolded by her; they are pleased to welcome somone new.
The main members of Tilling Society are -
Mr and Mrs Wyse - the wealthiest denizens of the village, Mr Wyse's sister is the Countess of Faraglione, so carries a faint cachet of aristocracy. Mrs Wyse has an MBE, obtained through charitable donations to the hospital (and quite possibly to a political party). They are generally too grand to get involved in the civilised brawling between the other members.
Elizabeth Mapp - Spinster of Tilling and possibly has the nicest house with 3/4 acre of gardens. A rather dowdy lady of about 50 but a forceful personality.
Major Benjy Flint. An Indian Army veteran with clipped military speech and a tendency to mix in Hindustani phrases and commands. Very fond of a few drinks. He is also quite fond of Miss Mapp.
Diva (Godiva) Plaistow - a somewhat plump widow who seems to be the closest Mapp has to a friend but can be sharp in speech from time to time. Perhaps tends to lean towards Mapp rather than Lucia, once Lucia's dominance is revealed and consists of evenings watching she and Georgie play piano duets with nothing substantial to eat.
'Quaint' Irene - An artist who lives in a house/studio lower in value than the others and appears to be of an unpredictable and non-conformist turn of mind. Paints naughty pics to rile the others, smokes a pipe and dresses in a non-feminine fashion. Is frequently very rude to Mapp, is devoted to Lucia and has become something of a Lesbian icon (as Georgie Pilson is a gay icon: however neither series nor books actually addresses any sexual issues at all.)
'Padre' - Rev Kenneth Batlett. Hails from Birmingham but has a very cut-glass accent when speaking seriously. Tall and dignified and quite properly doesn't side with either party. He is however very good-humoured and likes to affect a Scottish or Irish accent most of the time!
Lucia herself is tall, elegant and attractive (for her age) with a bewitching voice and manner. Wears some beautiful costumes throughout. She and Georgie pretend to speak fluent Italian, but don't. Georgie appears initially to be a rather vapid cypher interested only in bibelows and doilies, but in fact it is he who shows good sense and backbone when they are most needed.
The Production values are very high and this is presented in a bright colour pallete with very nice music and a humorous turn to all of the polite and mannered 'clashes' between the two protagonists. It's a pleasure to watch.
The best series is in my opinion the first, where the protagonists are fairly evenly matched.
In the second series, Lucia's far greater wealth makes the contest much more one-sided, though Lucia's occasional errors of judgement enable Mapp to claw back occasionally.
Rumpole of the Bailey: Rumpole and the Old, Old, Story (1987)
Gardening Leave
This episode marks the appearance of Marion Mathie as Hilda, She-who-must-be-obeyed. She is far more formidable than the previous incumbent with a gimlet eye upon her ever-characterful husband.
When Hilda appears at a Scales of Justice dinner party the Rumpoles and Erskine-Brownes are sharing a table with Judge Gwent-Evans, played by the excellent Maurice Denham. The Judge takes a shine to Hilda.
Rumpole embarrasses everyone at the table with a blue joke while he is drunk and Hilda lets him know what she thinks in the cab home, using the term 'senile'. Rumpole takes the opportunity of a halt at traffic lights to exit the cab and sway drunkenly off into the distance.
Subsequently staff at 3 Equity Court see some strange changes in Rumpole and chambers. Shaving tackle appears in the washroom, Rumpole starts taking chicken curries into chambers.
Simultaneously Rumpole has a new client. Hugo Lutterworth is a young man who is an environmentally-aware partner in a Gardening Centre.
The other partner, Colonel Gleason, is much older but has an attractive young wife.
Colonel Gleason has a serious car accident outside the Garden Centre, careening down a hill toward a busy dual carriageway. His car mows down a line of Garden Gnomes before turning over and he escapes with cus and bruises.
As Lutterworth is responsible for the vehicles, he is held responsible for the accident. Was it deliberate, in furtherance to a relationship between Lutterworth and Gleason's wife?
This episode is primarily about relationships: and Hugo Lutterworth is enjoying one with Gleason's wife. It's all done pretty publicly, too. Rumpole privately thinks his client has little chance, especially since Lutterworth seems far more concerned about his lover than himself. Nose out of joint, Rumpole huffs off, not taking the opportunity offered by the instructing lawyer to look at the partnership agreement.
When Phyllida Erskine Browne calls in on Rumpole at chambers, it's not only to inform him that she will be prosecuting Hugo Lutterworth.in Court. It's also to let Rumpole know that she's aware that he is living in the chambers, which is expressly forbidden by the lease agreement. Ballard is also aware- he saw a pyjama leg one evening- and a recent case in another chambers saw the barrister lose his tenancy. Ballard hopes to get rid of Rumpole altogether. He also aims to make the chambers a smoke free zone, an act aimed primarily at Rumpole.
When Phyllida picks up a book which Rumpole has always emphasised is his bedtime reading (Oxford book of British. Verse), he argues he may have bought another copy for the office: but the book is signed by Rumpole at his school in 1923 ('cursed be he that steals this book!')!
How did Rumpole sneak into his flat without Hilda catching him, to retrieve his shaving tackle, book and PJs? We aren't told.
Phyllida's case is made: and she offers Rumpole refuge at her house for the time being.
Rumpole soon makes himself unpopular. Phyllia and Claude and their kids are quite health-conscious and the incidence of an unkempt Rumpole in their kitchen, smoking a cheroot and cooking a fry-up for breakfast is not well-received.
At Court, Rumpole predictably finds Lutterworth impugned with responsibility for the vehicles and the ailing Gleason gets sympathy from Judge and Jury.
Rumpole is even more put out to see Hilda sitting by the Judge - old friend Judge Gwent-Evans - om the bench. She has been invited for lunch. Hilda isn't desperate for Rumpole to come home. However, she.remarks to Rumple that Mrs Gleason never takes her eyes off of Lutterworth.
In questioning, the police confirm that they had not looked at fingerprints found in the car having failed to find trace of Lutterworth's. Rumpole enjoins them to do so - and Gleason's are found, though he previously claimed never to life the bonnet whatsoever, even having others buy his petrol.
Rumpole now asks the referring lawyer to see the partnership agreement - and agrees he was wrong not to do so earlier.
Phyllia visits Hilda to try to persuade her to take Rumpole back. Hilda isn't preventing it but sees no reason to encourage him either. The Erkine-Browns are thouroughly fed up with Rumpole's presence in their house by now and he overhears them say so to one another.
When Claude visits Rumpole to persuade him to leave, Rumpole agrees subject to one condition- that he escort Ballard to a meeting for 'Lawyers as Christians'.
Back in Court, Gleason takes the full force of a Rumpole cross-examination despite the Judge's sympathy. Rumpole suggests that Gleason cut his own brakelines and faked his own accident.
The Garden Centre had received a huge offer to purchase from a major supermarket chain and Lutterworth had declined to accept on environmental grounds. The partnership agreement provides that if either partner is convicted of a criminal offence then they forfeit their share in the partnership.
Gleason hoped to get Lutterworth convicted of attempted murder and eject him from the partnership, thus leaving him to accept the offer for purchase..
Outraged, Gleason collapses in the witness box.
Lutterworth is found not guilty though we don't know whether Gleason lives or dies or if he is to be prosecuted himself or if Lutterworth continues to cuckold him.
Erskine Brown takes Ballard to the meeting where Ballard overindulges on 5 sherries with his sandwiches and is utterly blotto when dropped off at chambers. Erskine Brown dissuades the drunken Ballard from trying to drive home as if arrested he will never make Judge. Erskine Brown then declines to take the penniless Ballard home and leaves him at chambers.
We discover that Ballard is unmarried. Nobody is going to come to his aid.
In the morning, Rumpole discovers Ballard sleeping in chambers overnight and blackmails him into withdrawing his anti-Rumpole activities.
Rumpole returns home to Hilda suitably apologetic with a half-dead geranium as a gift - and the Rumpole household is re-established.
Rumpole of the Bailey: Rumpole and the Blind Tasting (1987)
Whining about Wine?
A nice episode. There are A and B threads here, the B thread being that gorgeous, if bland, Fiona Allways (Rosalind Landor) has married a merchant banker and left (I think Landor's career took her to the US) and Rumpole has to persuade Chambers to accept another lady pupil in the line of Trant and Allways.
When it turns out that Ballard believes applicant Liz Probert (Samantha Bond) is the daughter of a clergyman Rumpole doesn't correct his error. Actually Liz is the daughter of a prominent left-wing politician called 'Red Ron' Probert (based upon the then head of the Greater London Council 'Red Ken' Livingstone).
The main case deals with the travails of Timson clan member Hugh, who keeps stolen goods in his freezer and garage. The police raid the freezer and find stolen silver; however Timson claims to have purchased this 'down the pub' and as the owners have claimed insurance, nobody comes forward to claim them and Rumpole gets Timson off.
Insurance is the 'connecting thread here. Timson doesn't learn and when the police raid his garage, this time they find cases of wine. Once again, Timson is prosecuted.
Claude is something of a 'wine snob' - which Rumpole most certainly isn't - and when Claude invites him to a rather upmarket and snooty blind wine tasting, Rumpole is unfamiliar with both procedure and products. He finds the tasting pretentious and obnoxious, which is how he also rates Claude's old school 'chum' Martin Vanberry (the excellent Stephen Greif, aka Space Commander Travis in the first series of 'Blakes' 7'), now a wine dealer who is hosting the tastings. Rumpole takes Vanberry's measure when he describes Claude as a 'Pill' at school, meaning he required medicine- ie, beating him up. Nice boy: and the boy is the father of the man.
Nevertheless Rumpole finds Vanberry's cellar manager helpful and he also makes the acquaintance of Newspaper wine correspondent Honoria Bird, a snob like Vanberry; and a more down-to-earth wine connoisseur Monty Mantis, who is self taught.
Rumpole observes an interesting difference of opinion. After Claude has been eliminated from the contests, the next wine is approved and identified by Honoria Bird whilst Monty Mantis spits it out in disgust and leaves.
In Timson's next Old Bailey trial, both Vanberry and Bird are called as witnesses. Rumpole goes to see Mantis, who explains that the wine he tasted at the blind tasting was very cheap plonk and not at all what it was supposed to be.
In Court, Rumpole requests that a bottle of the wine used as evidence be opened and tasted. Judge Graves isn't keen, but faced with the suggestion of an appeal should he refuse, he backs down and permits the tasting to proceed.
Honoria Bird immediately identifies the wine as very poor but when Rumpole presses her on the events he observed at the wine tasting, she is forced to admit that she was covering for Vanberry and that Mantis had been correct.
Rumpole takes matters further, supported by the evidence of Vanberry's cellar manager. It transpires that Vanberry has transferred the contents of expensive wine to other bottles, substituting very cheap plonk, then permitted his cellar to be 'burgled' to order, in order to claim on the insurance. Hugh Timson picked up the wine from his 'contact' at the pub.
Timson gets off a second time, while presumably Vanberry now faces prosecution for insurance fraud.
An entertaining romp.
Pride & Prejudice (2005)
Beautifully Crafted Romance if not closest to the Book
It's interesting to see that this P&P production has nearly 1200 reviews, as against 500 or so for the 1995 production.
However as of April 2022, that production's rating is a full point above the 2005 film.
Clearly it's human nature to want to compare and contrast, as so many of the reviews consist of just that. It's rather unusual to see an assessment based purely upon the merits of the production in itself.
A good proportion of those consist of flaming pixels hurled in disgust at holders of contrary views to our own.
No doubt a good proportion of us (and I do include myself in all this, I'm the same as all the rest) scroll the reviews intending to thumbs up those that support our views and thumbs down those which don't. This is called Confirmation Bias - seeking to garner support for our own views by pushing up those views we agree with and push down those which don't. We feel vindicated.
Comparisons of the 1995 miniseries of P&P and the 2005 film appear extremely prone to this. They seem almost to be like Marmite - many reviewers love one and hate the other. It generates heated emotions.
Why this should be is hard to say, but a fair amount may be to do with whichever you saw first and so feel 'loyalty' toward.
Proponents of the book tend to decry all productions and will presumably just curl up with the book over and over. But very many of us- whether we've read the book or not, or read it before or after seeing one or other production - want to see a visual recreation of the story.
The problem is, it's a long story- a very long story.
This means that considerable screen time is required to put the entire book across in requisite detail.
And that is where the desire to insatiably compare and contrast goes wrong. We are comparing Apples with Oranges. It's not comparing like with like.
The 1995 production was prepared on the basis that it aimed to present more or less the entire story in detail. From that point of view, it is the closest of any production to this objective. With a run time of about 5.5 hours, it is the longest of all and can only be objectively compared to the 1980 BBC Mini Series which was somewhat shorter. That doesn't of course, prevent subjective criticism of casting, performances, scenes, photography, closeness to the book text and historical 'accuracy' for the period, amongst others.
The 2005 production weighed in at a little over two hours. That's fairly long for the silver screen and perforce any film producer is obliged to carry out major culling to the original story. The full plot just can't be done in that time and even then reviewers of '2005' often complain that it seemed a little 'rushed'. The same applies to any other film production there has ever been. This leaves that film open to innumerable points of view on justifying what has been cut and how and why, in addition to all the other areas I detailed in the paragraph above and that's not exhaustive in itself.
It seems to me that the best way to view the 2005 film - and judge it purely on its own merits or lack of them - is either not to have read the book or seen 1995 first, or to be able to exclude these sincerely from the comparison process.
So how did I feel about them?
I saw 1995 first and then read the book. I have the DVD of 1995. I didn't actually see 2005 until this year.
It seems to me that the 2005 film is about extremes. The producer/director has to make his or her mark in some way and aside from the cutting process, this can be achieved by nuances in characters and plot. Once you've accepted the need to 'cut free' from the original, to produce an 'adaptation' or shortened version: well, you can take it where you like after that, onto 'based upon the book' versions which has given us such wonders as Bride & Prejudice and Pride & Prejudice & Zombies.
In this regard, I'd bring in Mr and Mrs Bennett. Neither production adheres to the book in their regard. The book tells us they've been married 23 years, their oldest daughter is 21/22 years old and Charlotte intimates a woman is considered 'over the hill' by the time she's passed 25. We can't say for certain but that means the couple are probably in their mid to late forties. That's pretty unusual to late 20th/21st century eyes. We tend to marry a little later and viewers feel more comfortable with parents in their fifties. The 1995 parents were around mid 50s and the 2005 parents were about 60 (Mrs B) and 70 (Mr B) in real life.
That's one of the reasons I consider 2005 a production of extremes.
Mrs Bennett has a really genuine problem. She is usually criticised for being 'over the top' frantic about marriage: but if Mr B drops dead one day- and the fairly primitive medicine of c 1800 could do little to diagnose or cure most problems- she's in trouble as the estate can only be passed to a male (entailing of this nature was fortunately abolished (c1925). That event would see her and her daughters forced out of the estate with its £2,000pa income and effectively reduced to staying with relatives, or the street. In actual fact there may have been legal solutions even then, but the book overlooks this as it's the firm stratum of the plot.
Mr B is lazy and after attempting unsuccessfully to have male offspring, he fails to approach other possible solutions such as saving money. He gives up, takes to reading books with a glass of port and mocks Mrs B for her fears, aware that he will not have to face the consequences.
Hence Mrs Bennett's frenzied efforts to achieve a good marriage for her daughters. Then Mr Collins rolls up looking for a wife- and he is the man who will inherit the Longbourne estate when Mr B pops his clogs. He is in a pretty decent position of his own, a clergyman of status with an important patroness. He's another character who is actually in his twenties but is usually represented as a little older. On paper he's a great catch and he is very decently looking to marry a Bennett daughter to 'Make amends for the entail.' He is everything that Mrs Bennett has hoped for.
Not surprisingly, given his kindness in trying to solve the Bennetts' problems, he wants the daughter he marries to be a 'good pick': ie, pretty. With Jane hoping for Bingley, he gets allotted Lizzie.
It's a shame, because the book suggests that third daughter Mary - studious and serious but not so pretty or witty - might have made a good match with him.
It needs to be borne in mind that the outcome we actually get in the end is very unlikely - it's a bit like relying upon marriage to the CEO of a Publicly Quoted Company. Although Jane is very fortunate to have Mr Bingley as a possible suitor (it spares Jane Mr Collins' attentions at least), nobody can rely upon it (as we subsequently see) and Mr Collins is the logical best bet.
Unfortunately, the book stresses that Mr Collins is a rather ridiculous character. He is not very socially dextrous. Lizzie probably doesn't fancy him anyway, but she is intelligent with a quick wit and Collins is a pompous bore, unbearable to those he 'outranks' and obsequious to those who outrank him. 'Never was a better slave or a worse master' as they say.
So Lizzie rejects his advances. Mrs Bennet goes absolutely spare, all her hopes dashed. Mr Bennet - as ever - provides no support. The answer to all her dreams goes begging and Charlotte Lucas promptly picks him up.
The book doesn't tax Lizzie with a choice between rich-but nasty Darcy with poor-but-nice competitor.
Mr Collins is another example of a 2005 extreme. The book actually describes Collins as tall and heavy set and in his twenties. David Bamber was none of these in 1995 - thin and of medium height - but he played the part beautifully. The 2005 version seemed preposterously short, as if to physically emphasise his insignificance. He reminded me of a comic strip character of years ago called Sammy Shrink.
Mr Bingley is also taken to an extreme in 2005. The good-natured but sensible Bingley of the 1995 series is morphed into a grinning simpleton.
Lastly with respect to extremes, the comparison of the Bennets and Darcy. In the book Lizzie emphasises that they come from the same class- Gentleman and Gentlewoman - rather more than the empty honorific of today. Sure, Darcy is much wealthier but he doesn't have a title.
The 2005 film portrays the Bennets as living in a ruined manor house with farmyard animals roaming free. All the Bennets and even at times, Darcy, have an unkempt and grimy look to them to overemphasise the Bennets' perceived gulf between wealth and relative poverty - though on £2,000 a year Mr Bennet is in the top 5% of incomes in the country.
We even see Lizzie twirling on a swing, barefooted, her soles muddy. Great for the foot fetishists among the viewers but an unnecessary attempt to depict a yawning social gap between Darcy and Lizzie.
On the other hand, Jane and Lizzie in 2005 are how one expects them to appear - very pretty, with Jane perhaps (and that's subjectively arguable) shading it for beauty. All the girls are the right age.
In 1995, the girls are mostly rather older than they are supposed to be. Lizzie is still pretty and conveys her complex and clever persona better. Jane on the other hand, while still attractive isn't really the drop-dead gorgeous scene-stealer that everyone is making her out to be. They do have more opportunity for their personalities to come out however in the time available though Jane is always a little vapid and dull.
The main element removed from the 2005 version is Wickham and his machinations. The handsome villain of the piece in the 1995 version is no more than a chance acquaintance in 2005. They had to cut the story somehow.
The result is that if you enjoy a simple romance, beautiful photography and expensive scenes of soldiers marching through Meryton, pretty actresses and a tightly constrained story, you will enjoy 2005 for what it is.
Pride and Prejudice (1995)
The Closest Version to the Book
It's interesting to see that this P&P production has nearly 500 reviews, as against 1200 or so for the 2005 film.
However as of April 2022, this production's rating is a full point above the 2005 film.
Clearly it's human nature to want to compare and contrast, as so many of the reviews consist of just that. It's rather unusual to see an assessment based purely upon the merits of the production in itself.
A good proportion of those consist of flaming pixels hurled in disgust at holders of contrary views to our own.
No doubt a good proportion of us (and I do include myself in all this, I'm the same as all the rest) scroll the reviews intending to thumbs up those that support our views and thumbs down those which don't. This is called Confirmation Bias - seeking to garner support for our own views by pushing up those views we agree with and push down those which don't. We feel vindicated.
Comparisons of the 1995 miniseries of P&P and the 2005 film appear extremely prone to this. They seem almost to be like Marmite - many reviewers love one and hate the other. It generates heated emotions.
Why this should be is hard to say, but a fair amount may be to do with whichever you saw first and so feel 'loyalty' toward.
Proponents of the book tend to decry all productions and will presumably just curl up with the book over and over. But very many of us- whether we've read the book or not, or read it before or after seeing one or other production - want to see a visual recreation of the story.
The problem is, it's a long story- a very long story.
This means that considerable screen time is required to put the entire book across in requisite detail.
And that is where the desire to insatiably compare and contrast goes wrong. We are comparing Apples with Oranges. It's not comparing like with like.
The 1995 production was prepared on the basis that it aimed to present more or less the entire story in detail. From that point of view, it is the closest of any production to this objective. With a run time of about 5.5 hours, it is the longest of all and can only be objectively compared to the 1980 BBC Mini Series which was somewhat shorter. That doesn't of course, prevent subjective criticism of casting, performances, scenes, photography, closeness to the book text and historical 'accuracy' for the period, amongst others.
The 2005 production weighed in at a little over two hours. That's fairly long for the silver screen and perforce any film producer is obliged to carry out major culling to the original story. The full plot just can't be done in that time and even then reviewers of '2005' often complain that it seemed a little 'rushed'. The same applies to any other film production there has ever been. This leaves that film open to innumerable points of view on justifying what has been cut and how and why, in addition to all the other areas I detailed in the paragraph above and that's not exhaustive in itself.
It seems to me that the best way to view the 2005 film - and judge it purely on its own merits or lack of them - is either not to have read the book or seen 1995 first, or to be able to exclude these sincerely from the comparison process.
So how did I feel about them?
I saw 1995 first and then read the book. I have the DVD of 1995. I didn't actually see 2005 until this year.
It seems to me that the 2005 film is about extremes. The producer/director has to make his or her mark in some way and aside from the cutting process, this can be achieved by nuances in characters and plot. Once you've accepted the need to 'cut free' from the original, to produce an 'adaptation' or shortened version: well, you can take it where you like after that, onto 'based upon the book' versions which has given us such wonders as Bride & Prejudice and Pride & Prejudice & Zombies.
In this regard, I'd bring in Mr and Mrs Bennett. Neither production adheres to the book in their regard. The book tells us they've been married 23 years, their oldest daughter is 21/22 years old and Charlotte intimates a woman is considered 'over the hill' by the time she's passed 25. We can't say for certain but that means the couple are probably in their mid to late forties. That's pretty unusual to late 20th/21st century eyes. We tend to marry a little later and viewers feel more comfortable with parents in their fifties. The 1995 parents were around mid 50s and the 2005 parents were about 60 (Mrs B) and 70 (Mr B) in real life.
That's one of the reasons I consider 2005 a production of extremes.
Mrs Bennett has a really genuine problem. She is usually criticised for being 'over the top' frantic about marriage: but if Mr B drops dead one day- and the fairly primitive medicine of c 1800 could do little to diagnose or cure most problems- she's in trouble as the estate can only be passed to a male (entailing of this nature was fortunately abolished (c1925). That event would see her and her daughters forced out of the estate with its £2,000pa income and effectively reduced to staying with relatives, or the street. In actual fact there may have been legal solutions even then, but the book overlooks this as it's the firm stratum of the plot.
Mr B is lazy and after attempting unsuccessfully to have male offspring, he fails to approach other possible solutions such as saving money. He gives up, takes to reading books with a glass of port and mocks Mrs B for her fears, aware that he will not have to face the consequences.
Hence Mrs Bennett's frenzied efforts to achieve a good marriage for her daughters. Then Mr Collins rolls up looking for a wife- and he is the man who will inherit the Longbourne estate when Mr B pops his clogs. He is in a pretty decent position of his own, a clergyman of status with an important patroness. He's another character who is actually in his twenties but is usually represented as a little older. On paper he's a great catch and he is very decently looking to marry a Bennett daughter to 'Make amends for the entail.' He is everything that Mrs Bennett has hoped for.
Not surprisingly, given his kindness in trying to solve the Bennetts' problems, he wants the daughter he marries to be a 'good pick': ie, pretty. With Jane hoping for Bingley, he gets allotted Lizzie.
It's a shame, because the book suggests that third daughter Mary - studious and serious but not so pretty or witty - might have made a good match with him.
It needs to be borne in mind that the outcome we actually get in the end is very unlikely - it's a bit like relying upon marriage to the CEO of a Publicly Quoted Company. Although Jane is very fortunate to have Mr Bingley as a possible suitor (it spares Jane Mr Collins' attentions at least), nobody can rely upon it (as we subsequently see) and Mr Collins is the logical best bet.
Unfortunately, the book stresses that Mr Collins is a rather ridiculous character. He is not very socially dextrous. Lizzie probably doesn't fancy him anyway, but she is intelligent with a quick wit and Collins is a pompous bore, unbearable to those he 'outranks' and obsequious to those who outrank him. 'Never was a better slave or a worse master' as they say.
So Lizzie rejects his advances. Mrs Bennet goes absolutely spare, all her hopes dashed. Mr Bennet - as ever - provides no support. The answer to all her dreams goes begging and Charlotte Lucas promptly picks him up.
The book doesn't tax Lizzie with a choice between rich-but nasty Darcy with poor-but-nice competitor.
Mr Collins is another example of a 2005 extreme. The book actually describes Collins as tall and heavy set and in his twenties. David Bamber was none of these in 1995 - thin and of medium height - but he played the part beautifully. The 2005 version seemed preposterously short, as if to physically emphasise his insignificance. He reminded me of a comic strip character of years ago called Sammy Shrink.
Mr Bingley is also taken to an extreme in 2005. The good-natured but sensible Bingley of the 1995 series is morphed into a grinning simpleton.
Lastly with respect to extremes, the comparison of the Bennets and Darcy. In the book Lizzie emphasises that they come from the same class- Gentleman and Gentlewoman - rather more than the empty honorific of today. Sure, Darcy is much wealthier but he doesn't have a title.
The 2005 film portrays the Bennets as living in a ruined manor house with farmyard animals roaming free. All the Bennets and even at times, Darcy, have an unkempt and grimy look to them to overemphasise the Bennets' perceived gulf between wealth and relative poverty - though on £2,000 a year Mr Bennet is in the top 5% of incomes in the country.
We even see Lizzie twirling on a swing, barefooted, her soles muddy. Great for the foot fetishists among the viewers but an unnecessary attempt to depict a yawning social gap between Darcy and Lizzie.
On the other hand, Jane and Lizzie in 2005 are how one expects them to appear - very pretty, with Jane perhaps (and that's subjectively arguable) shading it for beauty. All the girls are the right age.
In 1995, the girls are mostly rather older than they are supposed to be. Lizzie is still pretty and conveys her complex and clever persona better. Jane on the other hand, while still attractive isn't really the drop-dead gorgeous scene-stealer that everyone is making her out to be. They do have more opportunity for their personalities to come out however in the time available though Jane is always a little vapid and dull.
The main element removed from the 2005 version is Wickham and his machinations. The handsome villain of the piece in the 1995 version is no more than a chance acquaintance in 2005. They had to cut the story somehow.
The result is that if you enjoy a simple romance, beautiful photography and expensive scenes of soldiers marching through Meryton, pretty actresses and a tightly constrained story, you will enjoy 2005 for what it is.
Pride & Prejudice as it was writte.
Rumpole of the Bailey: Rumpole on Trial (1992)
The End is Nigh
So we come full circle: the conclusion of the third 'cycle' of reruns of Rumpole from Alpha to Omega (excluding, for some reason, 'Rumpoles Return' and more understandably, the 'Fascist Beast' episode from Series 2) on UK 'Talking Pictures TV'.
There's a good storyline, which pretty much subsumes any B plot or C plot because it involves Chambers' members and Hilda directly.
Rumpole has become irascible because he has toothache. We start at the dentist, who is carrying out temporary work.
This doesn't work and Rumpole is clearly still suffering when performing later at the Bailey defending his client on a murder charge. The client (Mr Tong) is nicely played by Peter Sallis- yet to become Wallace of 'Wallace and Gromit' fame- here playing a rather meek and mild civil servant with a strong religious turn of mind who claims that his wife routinely attacked him with her fingernails but finally sustained head injuries which killed her. Sallis' character claims that she slipped on a rug and hit her head.
Judge Ollie Olliphant, presiding, seems to take a dislike to Rumpole's client, so much so that he inadvertently slips in.a comment made about 'getting on with the manslaughter'. Rumpole objects strongly to Olliphant's comment as prejudicial to the defence and a matter for the jury: however while Olliphant appears to apologise Rumpole just doesn't seem to know when to stop biting. Nevertheless, Olliphant lets things go with warnings.and adjourns for lunch with a reminder that a defendant still under cross examination cant be talked to by legal counsel.
Nevertheless, Claude Erskine-Browne sees.the client, Mr Tong sitting on a bench and hears Rumpole talking angrily telling someone to 'get it out' and 'get on with it'.
Erskine Browne is standing well back and Rumpole isn't visible, behind a wall. Erskine Browne takes note and duly reports Rumpole to Judge Olliphant.
Given that Erskine-Browne is himself something of an 'Old Bailey Hack' , an habituee who attends the place often, it is frankly astounding that he isn't aware of the telephones behind that wall. Not much in the way of mobile phones smaller than a suitcase in 1992! Given all that Rumpole has done for him over the years to sustain his marriage despite Erskine-Browne's many efforts to scupper it, it is surprising also that Erskine-Browne doesnt take the trouble to walk forward and check his facts.
Rumpole has actually been on the phone to his dentist. His client is cleared (and promptly runs off with a Polish neighbour) but Rumpole is summoned to appear before the Bar Council for misconduct and faces disbarment.
We see a scene of the Council enjoying a very leisurely dinner, Olliphant is looking forward to seeing Rumpole gone; Judge Graves is being his usual suave self chatting to a Bishop who is being passed the port by none other than John Mortimer himself, in a final cameo! Bollard is also there and doesn't say anything to support Rumpole.
Rumpole himself seems fed up and ready to give it all up.
When Hilda is told, she is distraught. She had been seeing Marigold Featherstone to try to cadge a Circuit Judge position for Rumpole but now his future seems bleak. Hilda goes to buttonhole Sam Ballard and forces him to act for Rumpole at the hearing.
Fred Timson finds out about Rumpole's predicament via Mr Bernard and offers some of his family to make up an alibi for him! Rumpole thanks Fred, but declines.
Ballard appears at the hearing supported by Liz Probert. Ballard is his usual ineffective self, but Liz has being doing a little behind the scenes work. Judge Graves presides. Rumpole is not inclined to give the apology that Olliphant demands.
Upbraiding Claude for not checking his facts, Liz ascertained that Rumpole had been talking with his dentist (Richard Vernon) and he duly appears at the hearing, exonerating Rumpole of the charge of breaking Court rules. The council breaks for lunch.
At lunch Hilda puts in an appearance, Liz Probert has been talking with her too and thus prompted, Hilda explains the future she envisages if Rumpole is disbarred - Rumpole running errands and shopping for ever and ever!
After lunch, a chastened Rumpole duly apologises to Olliphant and this is accepted. Rumpole emerges free to practise again.
And then at the end there was the party,. Officially it's to celebrate Phyllida being elevated to the Bench and Claude becoming a QC.
But we all know that this is it, the swansong.
Judge Graves appears, to comment that if Claude Erskine Browne is getting a QC, they must be giving them away with pounds of tea. He also remarks that he feels the world would be dull without Rumpole and he's pleased he got off. I always felt Judge Graves had a sneaking admiration for Rumpole, despite their spats.
Olliphant is there, invited by Rumpole, a nice touch. Featherstone J and his Marigold are there and Guthrie tries even now to chat up Phyllida. The only absentee is George Frobisher, whom Rumpole drove away by his own pig-headedness.
We even see Henry's wife, ex lady Mayor or Bexleyheath. Henry has tried to elope with Dot but Dot isn't interested and now Henry's wife has full charge of her ever-whining, always dissatisfied spouse.
Rumpole has also invited Fred Timson. When Sam Ballard asks for attention to toast Phyllida and Claude, Rumpole overrules him, taking Fred by the hand and explaining how many in this chambers owe their livings to men like Fred and his family- particularly Rumpole of course. Rumpole proposes a toast - "To the criminals of England!"
Judge Graves takes this as his cue to leave, with an aside to Ballard: "Will he never learn?"
"I don't think so, Judge!" Ballard giggles uncomfortably.
And that's that.
With the final scene we see our last of Leo McKern's Rumpole of the Bailey, the definitive version to be sure.
We shall never see his like again.
John Mortimer continued to write stories, with his hero always ageless but his history needing to be consistently retconned: but we can never see the McKern take on these.
And now - with Talking Pictures TV to show a 1980 series called Kessler in next week's 'Rumpole' spot, I am already feeling Rumpole withdrawal symptoms. Perhaps they will show the round again soon!
Rumpole of the Bailey: Rumpole and the Family Pride (1992)
How the Other Half Lives
As Rumpole limps toward the finishing line, we get a pretty decent episode though showing some of the signs of tiredness that seem to mark the last series.
This isn't in particular Leo McKern's age- in his early seventies by now but still turning in energetic performances - but in the approach the series seemed to take with the supporting characters and plots.
The supporting plotlines here are so reduced that they are vestigial.
We see Liz Probert distressed because she has learned something about her partner Dave Inchcape: Rumpole finds out what this is later- Inchcape is a Toff! A genuine member of the gentry. Heavens to Murgatroyd! Miz Liz weeps profusely at this betrayal of her socialist principles. Within about 5 minutes, Rumpole reconciles her to this - lots of lolly is usually a solvent of most moral principles and his mission is successfully accomplished. (Liz's father 'Red Ron' Probert may find his socialism somewhat undermined though.).
The other sub plot is also wafer-thin. Walter 'The Wally' Wilkinson hands himself over to the police claiming to have committed three murders and gets the treatment of a 'criminal toff' as a consequence. We only see one or two brief sequences of this subplot (the actor playing Wilkinson is shown way down near the bottom of the cast): In the end a chance meeting of Rumpole with a tramp enables him to get the evidence to get Wilkinson off: he thought he'd murdered a fellow tramp but hadnt and decided if he was going to go down, he'd go down as a triple murderer.
This plot appeared rushed and instead of perhaps contrasting life at the top and bottom of the social ladder, another Rumpole 'rabbit out of the hat' sorts it swiftly.
Other Chambers personnel have pretty much become caricatures of themselves by now but other than Liz Probert, we don't see them in this one.
The main plot concerns an invite from Hilda's cousin to come to stay at their stately family pile. Hilda's snobbery comes out at once but in fact it's only because His Lordship faces a bit of a problem: a bag lady has died in the family lake (a family friend opines that 'we all have lakes!).
The local coroner, the always-splendid John Nettleton,as Dr Hugo Swabey, dislikes Lord Sackbutt so when an old Sackbutt family photo is discovered in the bag lady's belongings, Swabey implies that the bag lady was actually Sackbutt's mother, believed dead many years ago subject to rumour: and that Sackbutt did away with this inconvenient relative.
We also get to see much-missed Roger Brierley as a competent defence solicitor and the equally-missed John Horsely (Doc Morrissey from Reg Perrin and Sir Ralph in 'You Rang, M'Lord) as a rather alcoholically jolly friend of the Sackbutts.
Evidence for the bag lady being killed is really no more than that there was no water in her lungs and the only so-called evidence for Sackbutt's involvement is a claim that the bag lady was seen talking with him the previous day, which Sackbutt denies.
We get to see Rumpole in a coroner's court for once - no robes or wigs here- and Swabey pretty much gets to say what he wants with rules about evidence relaxed. He's pretty fair to Rumpole otherwise and of course he has no power to convict Sackbutt of anything, though it seems very remote that evidence 'beyond reasonable doubt' could be established.
Rumpole pretty much demolishes any case against Sackbutt and brings significant doubt that it was murder and an unfortunate accident is just as likely.
As a finisher Rumpole produces yet another 'rabbit out of the hat' when a timely ad in the Daily Telegraph produces Lord Sackbutt's real mother who explains that she befriended the bag lady and explained her past life as Lady Sackbutt. The bag lady promptly absconded, with the photograph, to try her luck only for it to end in the lake.
Ever Decreasing Circles: Snooker (1984)
Snooker Loopy!
Like its sister episode on Cricket earlier in the same series, this is another thoroughly entertaining episode.
With the departure to warmer climes in Eastbourne of the player who defeated him in the snooker tournament final last year, Martin is optimistic of bagging the trophy this year. He even discusses where the trophy should stand, preferring the mantelpiece while Ann prefers the bedroom.
Unfortunately he's a man short of the 32 required for the tournament without having to arrange byes. Ann declines his invitation and suggests Paul: unsurprisingly, Martin is reluctant given Paul's innate ability to be good at everything.
Nevetheheless, Paul gets invited and agrees to participate.
Martin is now depressed, certain that he will draw Paul first round and lose.
Ann trots off to Paul's house to ask him to deliberately throw the match. Paul feigns indignation, but suggests he might be very willing to accede if Ann offers him her body! Ann turns to go, but Paul laughs, says he was joking and agrees that he'll be happy to throw the match to please her.
However, it seems unlikely that he'd have refused to go ahead had she complied with his request.
Come the day of the tournament and true to his expectation, Martin is indeed drawn against Paul in the first round. He trudges off to an expected hammering.
Paul looks 100% the part, immaculately dressed, using a cue lent him by a mate - he explains it was Tony Drago (though we dont see him; he was well known at the time) - and Paul surveys the table like a pro. Then he plays his first shot. It's hopeless! Martin perks up immediately and duly wins: eventually Paul explains he's never played the game before! (That probably wouldn't have prevented him from having fun with Ann if she'd given in to him).
Now Martin thinks the trophy is 'on' again. Indeed, the feeling is so prevalent that tournament host and publican Laurence even asks Howard- Martin's coming opponent in the final- .if he doesn't find foregoing a runner's-up cup because funds didn't run to it!
Howard goes out to the car park, visibly upset. He's just been turned down in a job interview for promotion, so he's not having a good day. Hilda comforts him as he complains about being a 'loser'. Then something seems to blow.
Howard comes in to the final match, inwardly seething with barely suppressed fury. He intimidates both Martin and Laurence, umpiring. .Howard goes on to win the match- and thereby, the tournament- with ease.
Martin surveys the wreck of another year's attempt at the snooker trophy. Howard apologised for his out-of-character behaviour and Martin naturally forgave him.
Martin looks longingly at the trophy he has yet to win- a miniature, child's plastic toy cup!
Ever Decreasing Circles: The Cricket Match (1984)
Hits for Six!
One of the best and most memorable episodes.
Martin greets the new cricket season with enthusiasm, but the edge is soon taken off of this for him when Paul offers himself to the team and Ann helps sell by suggesting that the former Cambridge Blue might get his team promotion to play some impressive industrial names.
Martin is against it - for all the wrong reasons - and declines Paul's offer on the basis that he cannot let down longstanding team members by dropping one.
However, when Paul gives the team catching practice before the match and one member injures his finger, Paul is drafted in at short notice.
The opposing team run up an imposing total and though Martin deliberately drops Paul down the order, Martin is obliged to send Paul in when Martin is incorrectly given out by umpire Lawrence.
Paul strides in and while Howard holds at at one end, Paul plays a brilliant innings to win the match.
Back in the pavilion, everyone on Martin's team is jolly - except Martin. Even Howard exalts over his winning stand with Paul, so much larger than the record stand of 17 he held with Martin.
Martin sits alone with Ann, downhearted. He contemplates starting a piano singsong. Then the opposing skipper comes in to announce his team are heading home early. Martin has maintained a good relationship with him previously, so he is surprised. The opposition skipper accuses him of playing a 'ringer' in a league for amateur cricket triers and of cheating.
Martin is devastated. He didn't want to play Paul at all (but he didn't identify the correct reason as the opposition skipper did).
Just to finish things off, somebody else starts playing piano- and playing it well. Ann confirms - yes, it's Paul...
Tales from a Long Room (1980)
A cricketer's delight
Sad to see this series hasn't received any attention at all: but it's now 40 years old and also requires a fair knowledge of the game of cricket, its history and past players to really enjoy.
Surreal, off-the-wall comedy for dyed-in-the-wool cricket buffs. Narrated by the superb Robin Bailey as a pseudo-Edwardian type crusty old Brigadier narrating to tales of cricketing derring-do to a series of slide photographs in a world run by MCC.
Rumpole of the Bailey: Rumpole and the Eternal Triangle (1992)
Dreams of What Might be
With a sort of awful symmetry, the third from last ever episode of Rumpole in 1992 bears many similarities to the second episode ever, 'The Alternative Society' in 1978 (and actually set in 1970).
In each, Rumpole is smitten with the charms of a younger woman and tries to alter his lifestyle to meet their moral values.
In 1978, the noticeably younger Rumpole is taken with the lovely Jane Asher as well as enjoying meeting old flame Liz Fraser from his RAF days during the war; it's set in the west country so no Hilda about to feel bothered by it. Unfortunately for Rumpole, his lovely client with alternative moral values deliberately dealt on drugs to highlight her brother's plight in Turkey with the same problem and he is obliged to vacate his defence, now rendered untenable. Nevertheless, Rumpole puts is professional conduct as a barrister ahead of personal temptation.
Now, exotic redhead violinist Elizabeth Casterini (Eleanor David) makes eyes at a very receptive Rumpole, citing her admiration for his earlier defence of an old college friend. Despite having apparently made a fortune running and selling a shop she had previously owned, she is now playing in a trio, which includes her husband- the 'eternal triangle' of the title.
Shortly after, the third member of the trio is found murdered- and Casterini's husband is charged by some fresh-faced young DIs. Rumpole is duly engaged to defend him.
The B-plot is a wafer-thin affair. Erskine-Brown overhears some lurid dialogue between Henry and Dot behind closed doors. There is yet another scene of Erskine-Brown chasing Ballard into Church to 'tell' on someone. Trying clumsily to investigate, he hits again on Dot with some questionable vocabulary and ends up being reported by Dot to Ballard for harassment.
Ballard is further dismayed when he overhears Liz and Inchcape chatting casually about babies when they are actually debating a divorce case.
.Rumpole investigates the circumstances of the murder and the background of the murdered man. With the aid of evidence gathered by the police, he comes to the conclusion that the murdered man was blackmailing Elizabeth Casterini, having detailed knowledge of the fact that her supposed former business sold for a fortune was in fact money made from sale of hard drugs.
Although she is not obliged to give evidence against her husband in Court, Elizabeth Casterini voluntarily does so, hoping that Rumpole will have been rendered 'safe' by her attentions to him and that her husband will be jailed for a murder she committed herself.
As in the 1978 episode however, Rumpole puts professional affairs before personal and takes her apart under cross-examination, demonstrating her guilt, albeit she is only a witness.
Desmond Casterini is acquited, Rumpole gives up his new lifestyle and looks for chops and wine again at home. Fortunately Hilda interprets Rumpole's attempt out-of-character lifestyle changes as having been motivated for her sake, so all ends well except that Rumpole cannot help but.reflect upon the process which he has now initiated for Elizabeth Casterini. We see her being visited by the police.
Erskine-Brown's troubles are assuaged when Rumpole explains that what he overheard was Henry and Dot rehearsing a play. Liz and Inchcape explain Ballard's misunderstanding.
As a previous reviewer has said, the format appears to have run out of steam by this point. Rumpole has appeared in almost every Court possible. Erskine Brown has become a whining telltale with no common sense or ability to determine what might ruin his marriage. The plots here are revamped earlier versions, including Henry reading from a play.
One plus point was Juliette. Mole as Hilary Peek QC looking fantastic as the prosecutor albeit receving short shrift from Judge Ollie Olliphant who seemed a little more sympathetic to Rumple than usual.
Thomas and Sarah (1979)
Rogues' Gallery
I shall no doubt merit a number of 'not helpfuls' here when I state that I didn't like this series very much.
This is not a reflection on the stars, who have had terrific careers.
It was the characters they were called upon to play.
The originally planned spinoff from UD was to feature Hudson and Mrs Bridges (perhaps at last, married) running the seaside guest house they had purchased for their retirement. The final episode of UD explains that they took Ruby with them, taking pity on her apparent lack of intelligence: but Ruby shows she isn't quite the fool they take her for, being well aware that she may inherit the property when they are gone. No doubt other ex-cast from UD would have dropped in from time to time.
Sadly, Angela Baddeley's passing only a few months after UD concluded scuppered these plans.
I am not afraid to suggest that the envisaged spinoff would have been vastly more entertaining than this production proved to be.
Thomas and Sarah lacked the innate warmth and 'family' ethos of UD, which essentially featured the Bellamys and servants dealing with ongoing events in world affairs.
Both series featured a good presentation of Edwardian/Georgian England.
Sure, plotlines were occasionally contrived to provide an unlikely outcome: Lady Marjorie, First Class Grand Dame extraordinaire, somehow managing not to end up on a lifeboat off of the Titanic but suddenly rushing off to rescue the peons she had latterly disdained, like a Victorian Wonder Woman - perishing in the attempt and leaving Roberts with her jewels. Hazel dying melodramatically of Spanish Influenza on Armistice day. It seemed no major even proved unexplored for plot facility.
Yet, the scriptwriters managed to make you care for these UD characters, facing off as a group against a changing and occasionally dangerous world.
Thomas and Sarah did not fall into the 'lovable' set of UD characters. By turns morose, self-centred, conniving, hectoring, scheming, lying and stealing, they never seemed to fit in and I greatly disliked both characters. Their regular 'comebacks' (particularly Sarah) were always annoying to behold. In the end, Richard Bellamy had to pay them off £500 to be rid of them and I personally was glad to see them go.
I gather than even John Alderton - hitherto always portraying loveable if naive characters, didn't like his role as Thomas Watkins too much.
I wasn't therefore particularly happy to see these bad pennies turn up yet again in this series; this time unleavened by any more sympathetic characters but now centre stage.
I can only imagine that the creators of UD and T&S held the erroneous opinion that they were a pair of 'loveable rogues'.
This was a misconception.
They were, simply, rogues.
Rumpole of the Bailey: Rumpole for the Prosecution (1991)
Prosecution Blues
When a woman is found in a house clubbed to death by an African tribal knobkerrie, suspicion falls upon the man who discovered the body and bolted to Spain, yet who was upbraided by a neighbour for parking in front of his drive, leading to his identification.
The suspect- a handsome, wealthy young man called Christopher Jago, voluntarily returns to the UK where after questioning, the Police decide there is insufficient evidence to prosecute.
Alun Lewis as DI Sloggit was quite well known at the time as the jailbird husband to the blonde sister in Birds of a Feather. Quite a turnaround for him.
Rumpole is approached by the woman's family- wealthy estate agent Gregory Fabian (perhaps better known as Mr Wyse in Mapp & Lucia) - to undertake a lucrative private prosecution against Jago.
It isnt really well explained why Rumpole has been sought out for this case, given his almost religious dogma of I only do defence.
However, he accepts it, not least because Hildas old school friend staying with them for Xmas regales Hilda with the virtues of owning a Crock-a-Gleem dishwasher!
The ;Crock-a Gleem; is duly installed, but not before Liz Probert gives Rumpole a sizeable piece of her mind for abandoning his principles for filthy lucre and embracing mammon, She promptly enlists for Jagos defence, which is to be led by Ballard.
Given the tendency for Chambers to house specialists in particular fields guess that its far from unlikely for such intra-chambers contests to occur but the frequency with which it happens in Rumpole probably speaks more of the savings encouraged by a production accountant.
The B-plot concerns poor Erskine Brown, whom Ballard accuses of stealing one of Inchapes briefs by crudely crossing out Inchape's name as assigned by Henry and substituting his own. As this is the theme of the week, Rumpole gets this job of prosecuting Erskine-Brown, too. Uncharacteristically, Rumpole now has two prosecutions!
The Fabians explain that wanting a daughter, they had adopted a girl, the murdered woman in this matter. Like her brother, this scion of the Fabian family had taken up with the family estate agency business.
Going about a prosecution with all his usual thoroughness he gives for a defence, with FIG Newtons help, Rumpole establishes that she was a physically unattractive and lonely woman: there is no sign of any personal attachments beyond frequent entries in her work diary referring to an Arthur Morrison', for whom no details are known. Neither does there seem any connection to Christopher Jago, the accused. All that can be established is that she was a devotee of Victorian English literature.
However Rumpole is something of a literary sage: he recalls that there was a Victorian author called Arthur Morrison, his most famous work being Children of the Jago! Ergo, Morrison was a code word for frequent assignments with Christopher Jago.
When challenged, Jago denies. That there was any relationship. He claims that he didnt find the victim attractive and that he was friendly with lots of much prettier girls. But Ms Fabian was drawn to him, wanting to disclose irregular dealings by her family business and particularly her brother and how to deal with them. He claims that the Fabians undervalued client property, sold to a nominee and split the profits!
In Court, Rumpole has the unusual experience of receiving the warm support of Judge Ollie Olliphant, as prosecutor. Now it is Ballard who gets to experience the reverse. Ballards performance is spineless and inept - one wonders how such a narrowminded, blinkered brian and comically poor Court advocate was ever made a QC!
Rumpole conducts the prosecution with his usual effectiveness and oratory but comically - predictably- he also tries to prompt Ballard as defence counsel into making effective points when the opportunity arises, drawing Judge Olliphants reprimand for trying to do so. It makes little difference to the defence.
Climactically, Rumpole is about to deliver a finisher to the defence by demonstrating how the murder weapon could have been hefted by Jago to kill Ms Fabian - when he has a sudden thought. He requests an adjournment to the scene of the crime.
There, in the low-ceilinged old property, Rumpole demonstrates that Jago is actually much too tall to have inflicted the killer blow with that long-handled weapon in that room. (It is presumably established that the body was not moved from elsewhere and that the angle of the blow was also determined). The case collapses.
Afterwards, a furious Rumpole goes to see the Fabians. He explains what he believes has been going on. News of Ms Fabians approaches to Jago about her brothers misdemeanours had become known to the family. Ms Fabians erstwhile brother murdered her before one of her assignations with Jago, thus killing or discrediting the parties aware of the brothers wrongdoings. In effect, the adopted daughter was sacrificed to save the biological son and Rumpole was engaged to put an innocent man in chokey. Disgusted, Rumpole explains he has ordered the Fabians fee cheque to be returned to them though there is insufficient evidence to prove his claims and Rumpole wont be reporting the matter.
Subsequently, in a post-case New Year Party, Liz Probert is ecstatic at Rumpoles return as the defender of right, even as Rumpole congratulates Ballard on his success (the credit of which is of course, Rumpoles).
Rumpole even saves Erskine-Brown; Liz Probert is living with Dave Inchcape as her partner; and rather than risk Proberts wrath were he to accept a brief to evict a person on benefits, he had crudely attempted to make it over to Erskine-Brown.
Rumpole covers for Ballard when a call for hi,m from Chambers by Henry explains that his wife 'Matey. Wants to join him at the party. Since Ballard is, as ever, Blotto after a few sherries, Rumpole pretends that he is being initiated into a Christian Lawyers chapter and that they have received threats!
When Rumpole gets home, Hilda.'s old school chum is gone, her welcome worn out - and so is the Crock-o-Gleem, which Hilda says was more trouble than it was worth. At least Rumpole shant have to pay for it now his lucrative case has disappeared.
Swansong for. Maureen Darbyshire's Diane, who so far as I can see finished her tv career here too.