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Reviews
Kimitachi wa dô ikiru ka (2023)
A pretty but cold experience
Reported to be famed Japanese animator/filmmaker Hayao Miyazaki's last film, the Academy Award winning The Boy and the Heron has many of the staples that have made Miyazaki's Studio Ghibli the famed powerhouse it is today but there's something amiss here that holds Miyazaki's undoubtedly very personal feature from becoming a final product that can stand alongside the greats that have come before it.
Arguably one of Ghibli's most stunning creations on a visual level, despite its many ugly and dark components, there's a distinct lacking to be found in a narrative sense here that can't join all the eye-capturing wonder and fantastical elements together to create an all-round experience that would have moved this watchable and enjoyable enough tale into the classic conversation.
Unlike heavy hitters such as Spirited Away, Grave of the Fireflies or Princess Mononoke, Heron struggles to juggle all its many ideas both whimsical and far more serious into one big cohesive package and while there were some behind the scenes aspects of production that played a part in a pivot for the film to turn into something different than originally planned, there's no real excuse for so much of Heron's plot to feel so haphazard, underdeveloped or in need of context to get something out of, even if Miyazaki acolytes will adore the many subtext elements found within this tale.
At it's core an exploration of young boy Mahito learning to deal with the loss of his mother and adjusting to a new rural life with his father and his new bride, Heron takes a solid 30 - 40 minutes to morph into a much more fanciful adventure of sorts as Mahito gets thrust into a whole new world filled with the living, the dead and some oddly frightening parakites and while all of this provides eye candy everywhere you look, there's a coldness emotionally to much of the film despite some solid English dub voice work from its name brand cast and the work of composer Joe Hisaishi.
Enlisting the support of name brand performers such as Christian Bale, Florence Pugh, Robert Pattinson, Mark Hamill and Gemma Chan, Heron's English language version is one of the most successful translations yet in regards to voice acting work with Pattinson and Bale in particular standing out behind the scenes, with their performances showcasing a clearly engaged cast who worked to make Miyazaki's latest journey one of the companies biggest financial hits yet.
If this is indeed Miyazaki's last ever venture behind the camera or in charge of the pencil it's one that can be regarded with an appreciation rather than an undying adoration, as while Heron is enjoyable to a degree, there's not enough magic combining all at once to confidently state this is top-tier stuff from either its creator or his studio.
Final Say -
For many longstanding fans The Boy and the Heron will provide them with more than enough to claim greatness once more but when examined in solitude and judged accordingly, Hayao Miyazaki's latest is a beautiful yet unfocussed fantasy with more ideas than memorable outcomes.
3 budgies out of 5
Jordan and Eddie (The Movie Guys)
Gladiator II (2024)
A soulless and forgettable return to the arena
A sequel 24 years in the making, Ridley Scott's $250 million dollar return to the Roman Colosseum has been a long time coming and one that has gone through many false starts, a reason why many have long held reservations about what a follow-up/on would look like when compared to Scott's beloved Oscar winning original that at the time of writing remains steady at #35 on IMDB's Top 250 Movies of All Time List.
Trying not to judge this belated sequel too harshly against its revered forefather, the question of "are you not entertained?" rings loudly in the mind with the short and disappointing answer a resounding no, with Gladiator 2 continuing on legendary director Ridley Scott's mostly lean decade or more run that suggests the aging filmmaker has well and truly lost his creative and audience pleasing mojo.
Given all the tools one could desire, Gladiator 2's ample budget and talented cast lead by rising industry star Paul Mescal suggested on paper that the stars were aligning to ensure that at the very minimum Gladiator 2 was going to be a rare 2024 big screen delight but even as throwaway piece of entertainment there's little to write home about here with Scott's action adventure a soulless and mostly disposable offering that is saved by some committed supporting turns and some brief spectacles that showcase a film that might have been.
Clocking in at close to two and half hours in length, there's a lot of ground being covered in Gladiator 2 and a lot of characters to play their parts in it but David Scarpa's weak script, Scott's unimaginative direction, a bunch of under-written and utilised characters, Harry Gregson-Williams forgettable score (how we miss you Hans) and some curiously amateurish editing all work to ensure any success Gladiator 2 finds on screen is fleeting, creating a film that is entirely forgettable and one that fails to justify its existence.
Whether its battling CGI rejects primates from Planet of the Apes, throwing dust into the faces of rhinos or shark infested naval battles in the midst of the arena battlegrounds there's a lot of almost moments in Scott's return to ancient Rome and a lot of teases of what should be fantastic set-pieces and drama infused spectacle but nothing ever clicks together as one would hope for, with a lost Paul Mescal right in the midst of it all as the charisma free Lucius.
Overshadowed by a scene chewing Denzel Washington and a typically assured Pedro Pascal turn, there was hope that the Oscar nominated Mescal would have his own Russell Crowe moment leading the charge in this iteration of Scott's sword and sandal universe but his Lucius is a wet blanket of a character and his turn reflects the weak material he was gifted to work with.
Barely rising above meek mumbles and scouring looks, Mescal must from here wait a little longer before his big Hollywood moment arrives as Scott fails to get the most out of his leading man who has shown so much promise in much of his early work.
It's the type of performance where you end up feeling sorry for the actor tasked with trying to bring something to life that was mostly DOA when they first uttered their opening lines, a sentiment that permeates through most of Scott's film that from the moment its odd opening credits begin appears destined to never get out of first gear, an ongoing trend that has ruined much of Scott's work in the modern era.
Suffering from the possibly insurmountable task of paying homage to the classic original while also forging its own path in the changed cinematic landscape we find ourselves in today, it's hard to see Gladiator 2 making a significant mark in the short or the long term, with it only truly succeeding in reminding us all just how good its predecessor was.
Final Say -
Filled with various short-lived moments of entertainment and engagement, Gladiator 2 is a pretty looking vessel with a hollow centre. Unable to provide any worthwhile spectacle or gripping character beats, Ridley Scott's expensive follow-up to his most adored success is a disappointing exercise in pointlessness that does little to help the cause of a struggling big screen marketplace.
2 primate senators out of 5
Jordan and Eddie (The Movie Guys)
Boy Kills World (2023)
A mindless action film with little to remember
Finding itself a level of interest and popularity amongst casual viewers on home streaming it most certainly didn't when it first appeared on cinema screens around the world in early 2024, hyperactive futuristic action romp Boy Kills World can't be accused of not trying but amongst all the drone infused action scenes, colourful yet bland characters and grater-laced cartoon violence is an empty feeling film that never becomes that cult favourite it might have been.
Helmed by debut feature filmmaker Moritz Mohr, Boy takes place in a dystopian future where Bill Skarsgård's mute Boy is trained by Yayan Ruhian's Shaman to become a one man army hellbent on seeking revenge against Famke Janssen's Hilda Van Der Koy, a woman who tore apart his family and separated him from his beloved sister, setting him on a path of revenge that's filled with John Wick on steroids levels of carnage.
It's a simplistic set-up and one that stays mostly small-scale due to budget confines and while there are some undeniably great action segments scattered throughout this constantly moving ride, including a great chance to once more see The Raid breakout star Yayan Ruhian showcase his craft, for the most part Boy is a forgettable film without much sense of purpose or end goal in mind, making one wonder little as to why this feature ended it's global box office run under $4 million dollars.
Attempting to do a lot without utilising his voice (voice over duties here are performed by H. Jon Benjamin in a video game announcer style), Skarsgård is once more a central figure to a poorly delivered project with this effort and the misguided The Crow two projects that suggest Skarsgård needs to revaluate his next lead turn wisely after appearing set for superstardom after his key turn in the two IT films as iconic clown Pennywise.
There's no doubt that Skarsgård is a talented performer and his commitment to the role here is on show with his many slow-mo/close-up ab shots but there's a distinct feeling of aimlessness prevalent here, both in his muted Boy and Mohr's film overall, with little intriguing elements holding all the action set pieces together in any meaningful or memorable way as we meander to one scene to the next.
There's undoubtedly the bones of an exciting and unique offering here but Boy as it stands is unable to deliver on the promises it shows in passing, creating that intensely mediocre streaming hit that has become the normal in the Netflix era.
Final Say -
Watchable if only for the chance to witness "Mad Dog" ply his trade and for some fast and frenetic action carnage, Boy Kills World is unable to find its reason for being, becoming nothing more than a minor distraction for viewers on the lookout for a close to two hour time filler.
2 kitchen utensils out of 5
Jordan and Eddie (The Movie Guys)
The Crow (2024)
Another notable addition to the class of 2024 terrible films
Joining the ranks of the unfortunate kings and queens of the 2024 terrible movie podium award winners that also includes Hollywood dumpster fires Madame Web and Borderlands, The Crow has risen from the ashes to ensure that the next iteration of the Razzie awards are going to be flush with content to choose from come their nomination announcements.
A reimagining no one asked for and an adaptation that appears to have been made to spite those that have long held affiliation with the original graphic novels or the cult-classic 1994 film that has come before it, Rupert Sanders modern take on the tale of unfortunate soul Eric (here played by the mulleted Bill Skarsgård) is a misguided and lifeless attempt to breathe new life into a property that has for all intents and purposes run its course long before this doomed production was unleashed onto the public.
Aiming to give us far more time in Eric's life before he turns into a full-bodied supernatural killings machine that loves himself some leather and care free murder, Sanders and his creative team go down a terribly ill-conceived route that ensures most of The Crow's runtime is gifted to Eric and his relationship with FKA twigs's Shelly, two totally unlikeable characters who endear themselves to us in no way shape or form, meaning the Crow people want to see isn't even a factor until late in the piece.
To get to the films extremely minor and unmemorable end game there's going to be a lot of people that can't make it through The Crow's amateurish script (who even is Danny Huston's big bad? Seriously?), bland performances, unimaginative direction and utterly confusing plotting that all points to a film that was troubled by its production and goals, giving the overall sense that this was a feature film made without knowing who its audience was and what it wanted to even be.
In amongst all of the bland and charisma free happenings is another lost feeling performance from Skarsgård, who has struggled to find his footing in the industry following on from his breakout turn in the two IT films, with his performance as Eric one I am sure he will be keen to forget in quicktime as his bad tattoos, DIY hairdo and questionable fashion choices all working together to create one of the years more notable poor acting performances that sits nicely alongside Dakota Johnson's turn in Madame Web, Cate Blanchett's misguided Borderlands gig and Skarsgård's own co-star twigs as some of the years poorest examples of professional actors dropping the ball.
Not a so bad its good experience and not even one that needs to be seen to be believed, The Crow is nothing but a dull and spiritless affair that falters in all its core elements creating an offering that's going to rile up the fans it should be looking to appease and boring everyone else that dares to waste their time on this dire adaptation.
Final Say -
A film that deserves its status as a box office dud with a poor reception from all too boot, The Crow is as bad as you've heard it was and another sad and sorry new addition to the championship group of terrible 2024 Hollywood films that have found their way into the general public this year.
1/2 a pink tracksuit out of 5
Jordan and Eddie (The Movie Guys)
Smile 2 (2024)
Another surprisingly strong entry into the Smile series
A direct sequel to 2022's Smile, one of recent memories more surprisingly well reviewed box office success stories, original creator/director Parker Finn is back for more with his ramped up Smile 2, another far better than it should be studio horror that marks down star Naomi Scott's moment before superstardom at the same time.
Opening with one of the years most memorable single segments, from the get-go there's little too be concerned about when it comes to fears of a major drop off in quality control with what could have easily been another sad and sorry example of a desperate Hollywood cash-grab at some low hanging horror fruit with Smile 2 ensuring the wins of the first entry into this property continue on here as we follow a seemingly doomed quest by Scott's popstar Skye Riley to rid herself of a demonic presence that has attached itself too her following a grisly suicide she witnesses.
A troubled soul who was already dealing with her own more personal and less bloodthirsty demons before the nefarious "smiling" being decided to latch itself too her, Riley makes for a great character to be battling Finn's devilishly delicious creation and with Finn unafraid to take Smile 2 into some very dark and twisted territory (making the first films horror elements seem like child's play in comparison) and Scott whole heartedly committed to her most prominent leading turn yet, Smile 2 offers up a range of fantastically deranged entertainment despite some lulls across its slightly too long running time.
Having her moments in the likes of box office smash real life adaptation Aladdin and the ill advised Charlie's Angel reimaging from 2019, it's taken some time but you get a sense that Scott is going to be winning a lot of fans from general punters and industry pundits for her turn here.
Asked to do a lot, equivalent to the workload of Florence Pugh in Midsommar and Anya Taylor-Joy in The Witch, Scott is a revelation here as a tortured soul attempting to right past wrongs while also battling entirely new and unforeseen threats and while she gets some solid support from the likes of Rosemarie DeWitt as her long-suffering mother Elizabeth and son of Jack Ray Nicholson as her unfortunate past acquittance Paul Hudson, Smile 2 is really the Scott show and she's more than up for the task, relishing the chance to go all in on a significantly layered role.
While there's a lot on display here that is stereotypical Hollywood genre box ticking, Finn's evolution behind the camera nicely matches Scott's feisty turn in front of the camera with the filmmaker instilling his effort here with numerous moments of creativity and artistic flair that culminate in one of the years most wild end games that is sure to create a significant amount of expectation of what could come next in a series that is seemingly set on continuing to defy expectations given to it.
Final Say -
Proving that the original Smile's surprise success was no one off, Smile 2 is another impressively above average entry into the Hollywood horror space that ensures hype around its leading lady and director should remain high into the near future.
3 1/2 Voss water bottles out of 5
Jordan and Eddie (The Movie Guys)
Con Job (2024)
A highly entertaining indie comedy
Recently making its way onto Amazon to rent or buy, Ian Niles indie comedy Con Job is an above average example of independent filmmaking that overcomes its limited resources and budget to become one of the years funniest offerings and one that calls to mind early works of the likes of Kevin Smith and Kevin Linklater.
Directed and co-written by star/developer Ian Niles, who also pulls triple duties as the films main star, the selfish and money hungry Chris, Con Job takes place almost entirely within the confines of Chris's house as he and his best friend Angus plot a seemingly simple "con job" on their friend/brother Tim that will see them swindle him out of his family home and make Chris and Angus rich in the process.
As is the case with these type of ploys in both cinematic and real life, best laid plans of petty thieves and deceivers never seem to go entirely to plan and Con Job features an array of increasingly volatile events that ensure no one is escaping Niles's film with a squeaky clean record as his film ventures into that Death at a Funeral type mode where each instance is topped by the newest one as our collection of colourful characters get well and truly in over their heads.
A dialogue driven affair that appears to be at least partially improvised by its talented group of cast members lead by Niles and Menuhin Hart as his main accomplice Angus, not all jokes and situations within Con Job come off in the perfect way but its hit to miss ratio is neatly skewered towards the former with a scene stealing turn from T. L Flint as the aptly named Evil Jeff taking things up a major notch when he arrives on the scene to "help" Chris and Angus complete their nefarious task.
Unafraid to get seriously dark and take things into some twisted and inspired territories you won't initially be expecting the film to move towards, Niles ensures his latest effort behind and in front of the camera is one that offers up some unique takes on well-trodden formulas and gives its audience some unexpected delights to remember such as Aaron Berg's hyped up fitness freak Jordan, Julia Claire Schweitzer's plotting delivery driver Sarah and a hair piece that needs to be seen to be believed.
There's no question that what Con Job offers up is slight in the grand scheme of things but for a seemingly simplistic comedic set-up too milk so much out of what at first appears to be very little is a real win for all involved and in a landscape where notable comedic features are few and far between, Con Job offers up some hilarious entertainment that is sure to hit that sweet spot for anyone looking for some belly laughs and highly inappropriate hijinks.
Final Say -
A highly entertaining indie that overcomes many of its real and perceived limitations, Con Job is a successful black comedy with a movie-stealing turn from T. L Flint, making it well and truly worthy of tracking down next time you're in the market for an easily accessible comedy with a high hit rate of laughs.
3 1/2 questionable wigs out of 5
Jordan and Eddie (The Movie Guys)
Cuckoo (2024)
A lot of potential wasted
Oh Cuckoo how I wish I loved you.
One of distributer Neon's 2024 notable releases, Cuckoo is an atmospheric and technically sound cult-film in waiting that is never able to join all its pieces together in a complete package, leaving German director Tilman Singers demented tale as a frustrating viewing experience that fails to go forward with its early promise.
Featuring Euphoria star Hunter Schafer in her most notable lead feature turn yet as out of place American teenager Gretchen, who moves to a remote German resort to be with her father, partner and half-sister only to find herself battling some odd and disturbing incidents in the otherwise picturesque, Cuckoo wastes little time in creating an ominous and foreboding tone (enhanced by the latest wild-eyed turn from Dan Stevens as local Herr König) but as the runtime wears on the initially set-up occurring here becomes a less and less engaging one, sure to annoy as many as it does thrills others.
Looking and feeling the part throughout, there's ingredients and elements found all through Cuckoo that suggest a tasty morsel of a genre delight but Singers half-baked and underdeveloped plotlines and characters leave much too be desired as Cuckoo is unable to stick the landing in a final section that is unquestionably wild but worryingly confusing and scattershot, undoing all the early mysteriously delicious concepts it brings to the forefront only to keep them at arms length from us from there.
Had Cuckoo managed to do more with its varied ideas and unique core concept, the fine work of Schafer, Stevens and a game supporting cast might just have managed to turn Singer's initially hyped off-kilter horror into something truly special.
There's no doubt that there will be a core audience that find the demented adventure of Gretchen in the German Alps one to be savoured and studied but there's likely to be a much larger portion of casual or less forgiving cinematic analysists that find the unrefined and messy pieces of the Cuckoo puzzle to be a major factor in why this promising movie never flies.
Final Say -
Some great ideas, solid performances and neat visuals aren't enough to turn Cuckoo into a winning film with Tilman Singer's most noted feature yet a watchable one more for what it might have been, rather than what it is.
2 1/2 after dark bike rides out of 5
Jordan and Eddie (The Movie Guys)
Venom: The Last Dance (2024)
More of the same as Venom ends its mediocre run
Looking back to 2018 there was a lot of hope and excitement around Tom Hardy leading a long-overdue standalone Venom movie, so much so that the original film generated $856 million in global ticket sales and some mid-level joy from critics and audiences that were hopeful the decently OK first attempt was a stepping stone to something far greater as the series moved ahead.
Here six years later at the end game that is The Last Dance, arriving after the rather misguided Let There Be Carnage in 2021, it's clear to all now that the Hardy Venom era was one that was never able to properly grasp what it wanted to be or maximise the talents it had its disposal along the journey.
Consistently lead by its unhinged and all-in leading man, it's incredible to think that the like of Woody Harrelson, Stephen Graham, Michelle Williams and Riz Ahmed have all at some stage jumped on board this particular iteration of the Venom universe and have all been unable to help the series overcome its many shortcomings that are once more here patched over to a degree by the fun that can be found in passing by Hardy going toe to toe against himself in amongst a terrible plot that feels aimless and unplanned for the most part.
Following on directly from the events of the prior film, Dance is in simplistic turns a road-trip movie of Hardy's Eddie Brock/Venom attempting to cross the country with a New York destination in mind only too be hamstrung by a lack of footwear, Chiwetel Ejiofor's quick-moving and stunningly prepared government goon Strickland, Rhys Ifans ukulele playing alien loving hippy Martin and some of Venom's old friends from the universe far beyond our reach.
Along this journey you may wonder why there's scenes involving Venom dancing with an old acquittance in Vegas, why Juno Temple's Dr. Teddy Paine is in the movie at all or why Stephen Graham was asked to return as Detective Mulligan only to be stuck behind a glass window for his entire screentime and they're questions you aren't going to get any answers for in a feature that was clearly one dictated by suits in a boardroom rather than the creatives on ground-level.
The whole thing feels relatively unloved and unrefined and for anyone that found little to no joy in the previous two Venom outings, the only thing they could do is avoid this newest outing like they would the plague but for those that got some level of entertainment from Hardy's first two forays into the symbiote world and for those accepting that Dance is very much more of the same, there's going to be the same level of satisfaction found as before, even if the glimmers of a greater promise the first film showed are well and truly snuffed out very early on here.
It's a shame Hardy was never given a greater chance to succeed with his work in this space, here even getting a credit as one of the co-writers of the production that is overseen by first time director Kelly Marcel as one suspects that had the series managed to reach his same levels of zany and wild commitment we might have been looking at one of the more fun and accessible Marvel cinematic properties to come out in the post-Avengers era.
Final Say -
Providing very much of the same that has come before with an even less competent plot and sense of overall direction, Venom: The Last Dance wasn't able to overcome the shortcomings present throughout the series and finds itself saved in the most part by an unashamedly loose-cannon turn from its leading man who is hellbent on taking charge around all the incompetence around him.
2 1/2 pairs of Crocs out of 5.
Jordan and Eddie (The Movie Guys)
Road to Saddle River (1994)
A memorable Canadian cult classic
If there was a film that deserved status as cult comedy favourite it would be long-forgotten Canadian road trip western Road to Saddle River.
Released in 1994 in it's home country, my own personal journey with Francis Damberger's oddball yarn started way back as youngling in the late 90's when the film was screened at regular intervals on Australian pay-TV.
Since those original viewings the film has stuck with me all these years as a memorable, bizarre and totally unique slice of independent filmmaking that has been near on impossible to track down on any service or physical media, until now when I discovered the film had been uploaded in full on streaming service Youtube!
Taking a trip down memory lane has reacquainted myself with the joys of the story of Paul Jarrett's European Canadian butcher The Cowboy Kid, whose obsession with the Wild West takes him on a road-trip unlike any other with his quest to find Saddle River, a quest that will introduce him and us to the golf loving ringworm suffering Sam, Berlin Wall obsessed Dieter and the lovable tobacco and Elvis fan Norman Manyheads.
To say that River has a plot in the typical sense of the word would be a lie but across the films close to two hour running time we are gifted a vast array of comical highlights from run-ins with Japanese business tycoons, campfire tape listening sessions, farmland delicacies and odd spirt visions, ensuring this is a trip that is rough around the edges and DIY in nature, but also one that does a lot with the simple tools at its disposal.
There's even a segment involving the KKK that I am sure Quentin Tarantino must have seen somewhere along the line, inspiring his much-talked about sequence in Django Unchained involving the Klan.
Throughout the journey of The Cowboy Kid our main collection of actors all bring something to the table, including highlights from Eric Allan Kramer's underdressed Dieter and the scene stealing Sam Bob as Norman, who one would hope is still shaking his caboose thanks to Mr. Presley's kind request, ensuring that this is an all round package that includes a rollickingly good soundtrack from composers Michael Becker and Darcy Phillips and some fantastic Alberta scenery that's captured by River's cinematographer Peter Wunstorf.
With many involved in the film heading on to create quietly stable if far from high-profile careers, River is the little film that time forgot on many participants C. V's but it's a film that I am sure many involved with look back upon fondly as will many viewers who caught the film in its screening runs in the 90's, with a chance available now for many to relive this bizarre little road trip once again or jump on board for for the first time.
Final Say -
An obscure Canadian curiosity that has stood the test of time as a wonderfully oddball western road-trip hybrid unlike anything else, Road to Saddle River walks to the beat of its own drum and is all the better for it, warts and all.
3 1/2 prairie oysters out of 5
Jordan and Eddie (The Movie Guys)
Strange Darling (2023)
A great calling card for all involved
Reading the synopsis or watching the trailer for JT Mollner's horror/thriller Strange Darling would likely lead to eagle-eyed viewers and keen cinematic pundits declaring they know what type of film they are about to watch but there's high chances that they would be proved wrong by a film that subverts expectations across it's wild 90 minute runtime.
Generating a fair amount of hype across festival runs in late 2023, Mollner's critically lauded audience favourite has finally found its way into the broader marketplace in the latter stages of 2024 and while it was never going to be a film fit for mass market consumption, Moller's unique take on an otherwise well-trodden sub-genre is sure to become a significant cult film champion in the incoming years.
A film that is best left mostly undescribed by reviewers that can on too frequent of an occasion delve far to deeply into plot points and story explainers when tackling their film takes, Darling takes place across 6 chapters that occur in non-sequential order as Mollner explores Willa Fitzgerald's The Lady and Kyle Gallner's The Demon's fateful meeting in a rural setting that is being haunted by a violent serial killer active in the area.
An experience that is best viewed as blind as possible, there's no spoiler in saying that Mollner goes for a huge swing with his unrelenting offering that isn't afraid to get pitch black dark across its quickfire journey that is wonderfully shot by of all people renowned actor Giovanni Ribisi, who shot in a stunning 35 mm film for his D. O. P debut, and performed by Fitzgerald and Gallner in what are likely to be huge stepping stone turns to the next big roles in their careers.
Known mostly for her TV work, Fitzgerald is a revelation here as The Lady and her turn in Mollner's end product is easily one of the years most memorable and with strong support from Gallner, who's been quietly building over the past few years in projects such as Dinner in America and Smile, Darling offers up a great chance to see two rising stars ply their trade with guidance from a director who is likely to get offered some high profile gigs based off this effort.
Far from a perfect film, there are some plot developments, character decisions and scripting choices that don't all land the way one might have hoped, Darling is nevertheless a wildly entertaining ride that does something fresh and unique with an otherwise stale-seeming premise, creating one of the years most impressive indie releases.
Final Say -
A film destined for the cult-fandom hall of fame, Strange Darling marks down a noteworthy moment in the careers of its director and stars who are all likely to benefit greatly from their work in this unashamedly confrontational outing.
3 1/2 Sunday breakfasts out of 5
Jordan and Eddie (The Movie Guys)
The Substance (2024)
A bonkers body-horror that's not afraid to take it to the extreme
For her first film since her underrated debut in 2017 with Revenge, French director Coralie Fargeat has hit the big time with her much talked about body-horror hit The Substance.
Winner of this years Cannes Film Festival Best Screenplay award and sure to be a major player in the soon too arrive awards season that will take over the industry for the foreseeable future, it's not hard too see why Fargeat's confronting and unrelenting experience has managed to find itself as a key player of the 2024 feature film crop.
Clocking in at close to two and a half hours in length, The Substance explores the life of Demi Moore's aging starlet Elizabeth Sparkle, who has turned to an off-market and highly dubious product that will see her magically age backwards with a whole other version of herself that she must share her time with on a one week on and one week off basis.
It's a fairly wild concept that does shares DNA with other body horror/body swap films in the horror cannon but thanks to a large swathe of reasons Fargeat is able to ensure that The Substance's visceral representations of all the ideas and concepts at play here are unlike anything you've seen before with the film loaded with a range of things you'd never think you were going to see, creating a viewing experience that is tailor made for the shared cinema option if you can so arrange.
Unafraid to get seriously demented and twisted (who would've thought the mere act of eating some seafood could be so disgusting?), The Substance may not have something entirely new to say and is arguably fairly self-indulgent to give itself such a large runtime to say what it wants to but there's a lot here to enjoy from Fargeat's colourful direction, composer Raffertie's moody score, wickedly good practical effects and most importantly two awards worthy turns from its leads who have never been better.
At one time one of Hollywood's biggest stars, Moore in particular has come out of nowhere to deliver what should be a lead turn that is in the conversation for Oscar recognition with her iteration of Sparkle a sad, confronting and realistic examination of ones quest to remain relevant and youthful.
A grounded presence in a film that increasingly becomes less and less grounded as it goes along its way, steamrolling to a divisive final act that will alienate some viewers and enrapture others, Moore should be heading into what's hopefully another successful era of her otherwise recently quiet career while her co-star Margaret Qualley only grows in stature with her work here as the captivating Sue, a ball of energy who starts to resent the fact she has to give herself up on regular intervals to a much more weathered and fragile older self.
Unquestionably not for everyone with some frantic swings here that don't always hit, The Substance is a quality new addition to the body-horror subgenre and a fantastic Hollywood calling card for its director and timely reminder to all of the talents of its leading lady.
Final Say -
Prepare to be shocked, The Substance is a trip unlike any other. An unashamedly bonkers exploration of human beings and their quest to remain relevant and youthful, Coralie Fargeat's sophomore feature is sure to be a film to watch out for come awards season.
3 1/2 shrimp out of 5.
Jordan and Eddie (The Movie Guys)
It's What's Inside (2024)
A fun and fast-paced Netflix original
Generating a significant amount of online hype following its recent launch on Netflix, Greg Jardin's feature debut It's What's Inside is a film that has understandably got people talking with its devilishly inventive core plot, a plot that helps overcome a lot of other weaknesses found throughout to create a fun and fast-paced exercise that is a cut-above usual Netflix originals.
With a sharp visual sense, baggage free editing and a unique take on an otherwise familiar seeming body swap exploration, Inside places a magnifying glass over how humans would react should they be given the chance to inhabit someone's body that they know, which is allowed to happen here thanks to David Thompson's untrustworthy tech guru Forbes who brings along some top secret machinery on the eve of an impending wedding.
Featuring an eclectic assortment of characters that aren't overly likeable in the typical sense of the word but make for intriguing players in Forbes wild and unpredictable game nonetheless, Inside sees its group of participants working off one another, feuding with one another and trying to get with one another and while Jardin (also acting as the films sole writer) doesn't have anything grandiose or new to say about the human condition, he has a lot of fun exploring the flaws of humanity in this twisting and turning rollercoaster.
Managing to juggle quite a few balls in the air at once when the happenings here really crank up a notch or two, Jardin proves himself to be more than adept at handling a lot at once and Inside does a top notch job at ensuring despite its many ideas and character movements that occur throughout, they're always easy to follow and understand with Jardin utilising some neat concepts and design choices to allow us to follow who has inhabited the various bodies and what their motivations are for their varied decisions both good and bad.
By allowing us to keep tabs on what's going on and who is up to what, Jardin makes us an audience member feel like we are a part of the game, making for a fun and involving experience that is the equivalent of a sugar-rush.
It's a rush that won't be long-lasting and doesn't provide much in the way of sustained nourishment but it's an undeniably pleasant rush regardless with Inside showcasing a new director to keep a close eye on in the years moving forward.
Final Say -
A flawed and at times rough around the edges experience that also has ample smarts and creatively ingenious ideas at play, It's What's Inside is a game you'll want to be a part of while it lasts, gifting you 100 minutes of solidly entertaining spectacle throughout.
3 garden ornaments out of 5.
Jordan and Eddie (The Movie Guys)
A Good Person (2023)
A contrived dramedy unable to be saved by Pugh
Written in the early days of the Covid-19 Pandemic and developed and filmed while they were in a long-term relationship, Zach Braff and Florence Pugh's A Good Person is a dramedy designed too pull at the heartstrings but thanks to its contrived nature and forced emotional angles, there's an inescapable feeling that Person isn't the film that it desperately wants to be.
Announcing himself of a filmmaker of note with his well-liked indie debut Garden State in 2004, beloved television actor Braff seemed destined to become the next darling of the Wes Anderson school of oddball dramedies but follow ups which were the barely seen Wish I Was Here and Going in Style knocked this theory on the head rather quickly with many hopeful Braff's pairing with instant Hollywood heavyweight Pugh was going to be the magical moment it all came back together.
Arriving into theatres with a tepid critical reception and even more disastrous box office results to the tune of just over $3 million in receipts worldwide, Person failed to find an audience in the post-pandemic landscape and while it's been one of those slow burn features that has managed to find a strong enough sentiment from the casual viewer over the proceeding months its been available for home viewing, there's very little in Person that would make one recommend seeking it out of a loaded marketplace.
Unable to differentiate itself from a range of similar films that tackle weighty subject matters around confronting material and oddball charms, Person asks a lot of its leading lady who has to bring the PTSD suffering turned painkiller addicted Allison to life in the aftermath of an horrific car accident that ended close friends lives, halted hers in her tracks and also ended her relationship with partner Nathan (played by Chinaza Uche).
So good in many of the lead turns she has delivered over recent years, this is the first time you really feel Pugh struggling with the weight of her task and whether it comes from Braff's rather on the nose script, poorly attuned characters or unnatural delivery, there's little Pugh can do but go along for the ride that includes a lot of awkward and forced scenes with Morgan Freeman's Daniel with whom Allison strikes up an unlikely friendship with on the road to her recovery.
As starkly and basically as it can be put, there's an overarching sense that Person borrows a lot from other films and other narratives, nothing here that Braff has conjured up feels like a fresh or original take on big life issues such as love, life, the human condition or overcoming ones inner demons and while there are small glimpses of the filmmaker many feel in love with when Garden State arrived, there's little on show here to suggest that Braff is any closer to recapturing the lightning in a bottle moment he caught back in 2004.
Final Say -
A film that doesn't earn or warrant any of its supposed big moments or life teachings, A Good Person never appears to be coming at you from a place of sincerity and its characters and story are unable to be helped along by a hamstrung Florence Pugh who delivers one of her rare "off" performances here.
2 model train sets out of 5
Jordan and Eddie (The Movie Guys)
Skategoat (2024)
A skateboarding doco with broad appeal
An Australian skateboarding documentary with a broad global appeal, Skategoat is one of the year's most memorable local offerings that examines the life and times of social media skating sensation Leandre "Skategoat" Sanders.
For his debut feature length film, director Van Alpert has struck gold by collating years worth of footage he and partners shot over more than a decade as a chance encounter with Sanders and his fellow skateboarding enthusiasts and "lost boys" including long-term off-sider Haden Mckenna allowed for Skategoat to come together as not only an intriguing look at the makings of Sanders but also the misunderstood skateboarding and broader scene of Venice Beach.
Making it's mark recently at Australian film festival's in Sydney and Melbourne, Skategoat isn't an overly focussed or narratively minded expose but Alpert and his creative team (which includes producer participation from Gwyneth Paltrow) ensure that this quickfire 84 minute doco is consistently engaging as both Sanders and the broader skateboarding world make for interesting main characters along with some stunning and memorable action in the bowls and streets Sanders frequents across his journey in the 4-wheeled world.
Joining the likes of skateboard themed heavy hitting doco's such as Dogtown and the Z Boys and All This Mayhem, Skategoat is a fascinating look into the culture of the skating world that many would have very little idea about and while a more narrowed in focus may have benefited Alpert's film on an emotional or storytelling level, there's still a lot to take away from the story of Sanders as the boy turned man escaped a world of gangs and drugs to turn his attention to making something of his skateboarding skillset.
With close to 360,000 followers on his Instagram profile at the time of viewing, it's not hard to see why so many fans from around the world have tuned in to follow Sanders unique and colourful journey in the skateboarding scene and getting too witness him and Mckenna explore their abilities and traverse the beautiful but unforgiving and foreboding Venice Beach area as teenagers who should be guided by adult influencers is an eye-opening one with the boys and Alpert capturing some of the years most memorable imagery on their journey together.
From the drug-addled skid-row streets, the sunlit skate bowls through to the busy sidewalks and alleyways of one of the most well-known locations in the world, Skategoat offers up a fantastic chance for viewers to become a fly on the wall to a whole other universe and one that helped mould and shape the charismatic Sanders into the man he is today, a man who has never shied away from a challenge and beat the expectations placed on him from the moment he entered the world.
Final Say -
While offering no grand insights or statements, Australian backed doco Skategoat is an impressive debut from director Van Alpert and a must-see for any skating fans or those seeking a warts and all exploration of the Venice Beach surrounds.
3 1/2 American Gangster t-shirts out of 5
Jordan and Eddie (The Movie Guys)
The Boys in the Boat (2023)
Clooney's latest directional outing sinks like a stone
All the way back in 2002, beloved actor George Clooney announced himself down as a director of note with his fun and inventive Sam Rockwell starrer Confessions of a Dangerous Mind, a cult classic that was followed on by the awards heavyweight Good Night, and Good Luck, a duo of films that suggested the long-term leading man was destined for long and sustained success in his directors chair.
Fast-forward these two decades on and sadly with the recent release of Clooney's latest true-life drama The Boys in the Boat we have another lifeless and forgettable directional outing from Clooney that while more tolerable than recent failures such as The Midnight Sky and Suburbicon, showcases a filmmaker that has lost touch with his medium, directing outings that are entirely devoid of life and spark despite potentially intriguing storylines and characters.
The very definition of a film that just "happens", Boys examines the trials and tribulations of the University of Washington's men's rowing team that in the early and mid-1930's took their team all the way to the 1936 Berlin Olympics where they hunted a gold medal against much more fancied opposition while under the tutelage of determined coach Al Ulbrickson (played here by a sleepwalking Joel Edgerton).
With a decent budget, a talented if hardly blockbuster cast and a real life sporting story that should get the adrenaline pumping and heartstrings played, Clooney had a chance to make Boys a feel good awards baiter, that while making a decent dent at the box office over the most recent Christmas holiday period, ends up being a film that never threatens to spark in any way, shape or form with a story and characters that feel like a collection of rather uninvolving happenings that will be forgotten about as soon as the credits begin to roll.
There's multiple instances in the film where it appears as though important moments are about to play out both small and large in scale but whether its a sickness threatening to derail plans, financial woes for individuals or the rowing team as a whole, love interests or rousing pre-race speeches, nothing in Boys comes to life in any significant way and if there was ever a film that could be accused of sleepwalking through its narrative it would be this effort by Clooney.
Based off Daniel James Brown's book of the same name, I have read that multiple people expected a lot from this tale coming to life on screen but at days end all this feature does is further mark down Clooney as a director that once showed much promise that has steadily and surely like night turns to day become a directional career full of half-baked and poorly executed ideas and moments.
Final Say -
A bland and lifeless sporting drama that is nothing more than a procession of scenes connected with little heart, soul or purpose, The Boys in the Boat may look the part but this true life tale is nothing more than a time wasting drag.
1 1/2 photo finishes out of 5
Jordan and Eddie (The Movie Guys)
Blink Twice (2024)
A fun debut from Kravitz
Teaming up with her boyfriend Channing Tatum for a unique and promising debut behind the camera, actress turned director Zoë Kravitz channels her inner Quentin Tarantino/Jordan Peele for social commentary grounded thriller Blink Twice, a flashy launch into the directional landscape that is sure to win over many fans despite its varied shortcomings.
An at times bitingly sharp examination of abuse of power, Twice appears early on to be a film set to tread a familiar path as Naomi Ackie's Frida and Alia Shawkat's Jess find themselves as unplanned guests to Tatum's tech guru/billionaire Slater King's remote island but thankfully Kravitz avoids the well trod paths for the majority as her star-studded ensemble and pristine visuals mould together to create a unique if often frustratingly underdeveloped/underexplored tale.
Overcoming a slightly messy and sometimes unappealing first half, one filled with more sinister possibilities and red herrings than an M. Night Shyamalan jaunt as well as some not always likable personalities that includes Christian Slater's polaroid loving Vic, Haley Joel Osment's sleazy Tom and Adria Arjona's reality TV star Sarah, Twice starts to really catch fire when the awareness of what's going on on this seemingly beautifully remote island becomes more apparent.
Without venturing in spoiler territory where Kravitz is content to take her characters and viewers is quite memorable and while no means easy viewing at times Twice feels like an appropriate movie for our current times, that while weighted down by some lazily explained or weak explorations of certain elements is a brave and incendiary examination of some heavy subject matters done in a fresh and energetic manner by Kravitz and her creative team.
Key too Twice's mid-level success is the performances of Tatum and rising star Arjona with Tatum getting to delve deep into his unnerving side as the mysteriously calculated Slater while Hit Man breakout star Arjona does enough here to suggest she's bound for superstardom, standing out amongst a solid cast of seasoned performers, Twice is a fine showcase for Kravitz's ability to draw something out of her cast members, an exciting possibility for all moving forward.
Never able to quite come together in the way that would've made this a genuine must-see thriller, Twice is sure to find a much wider and receptive audience now in its home streaming run than it did on its relatively muted theatrical release.
Final Say -
A promising debut effort from Zoë Kravitz, Blink Twice may have its fair share of weaknesses but when it gets on a roll this is top notch viewing with some great performances littered throughout.
3 1/2 painted nails out of 5
Jordan and Eddie (The Movie Guys)
Joker: Folie à Deux (2024)
A sequel destined to be hated
There's not too many things in life that can be fully assured but if there's one thing I can be confident of with about as much assurance as one can have is that Joker: Folie à Deux (aka Joker 2) is going to be disliked and likely hated by a lot of people
A $200 million dollar follow-up to one of the most surprising billion dollar earning films off all-time, Joker 2 is for all intents and purposes the anti-2019 Joker.
A film that shares DNA, musical cues, similar stylings and obviously the return of its Oscar winning star Joaquin Phoenix and director Todd Phillips, Joker 2 actively works on being almost an entirely different beast as this musically minded and centred oddity goes all out on being the film many will not be expecting or wanting.
Reported over preceeding months to be an all out musical, Joker 2 is as much a court room drama as anything else as Phillips and Phoenix explore the troubled Arthur Fleck's life in Arkham Asylum following the events of the first film as well as his public trial hearing and new found relationship with Lady Gaga's fellow Arkham resident Lee Quinzel.
Infused with a mix of fantastical and very glum music centric scenes that in equal measure happen and not happen in the real world, Joker 2 is a wild swing from Phillips and his team and there's no doubt a lot of these attempts fail to land but at the same time there's still a lot to like here and it's refreshing to see a sequel do so much to separate itself from its forefather who itself leaped out from expectations to great public fanfare.
Dragging in multiple segments across its over two hour running time (there's absolutely indulgence here on Phillips behalf), Joker 2 is still a hauntingly captured film and one whose aesthetic is one to be praised, combining with Phoenix's and Gaga's performances to create some special moments that culminate in an unexpected and brave finale that is going to be a large reason why many waltz out of this event with a bad taste in their mouths, if they didn't already after the many dialogue and music infused moments that help create an anti-comic book movie.
While unlikely to draw the same plaudits as he did first time around, Phoenix is once more a tour de force here as Fleck who is initially outstaged by a scene stealing Gaga who unfortunately suffers from a second half switch around giving her less too do than one might have hoped but when her and Phoenix get to really shine in the spotlight, Joker 2 sings, providing us with ample delights and showcases of the great film Joker 2 might have been.
A dangerous and risky venture that on early signs has appeared to disappoint and anger many fans of the first Arthur Fleck lead outing, Joker 2 stands out as a flawed but also original attempt to do something a little different and while the core themes and ideas from Joker are all present here once more, no one can accuse this follow-up as taking the safe route.
A reminder then that Hollywood still has attempts at going outside the box, even if this efforts reception and colder than expected box office results may halt anyone else having a similar go for sometime.
Final Say -
Not a film for the die-hard fans or mass audience consumption despite its big budget conception, Joker: Folie à Deux is a wildly different beast to what's come before with its sheer audacity and strong performances enough to cover up a large portion of its failings.
4 Yellow Pages books out of 5
Jordan and Eddie (The Movie Guys)
Bastarden (2023)
An engaging historical epic
A Danish historical drama/biography that also acts as a different take on what usually would be a narrative in a Western film, The Promised Land (also known as Bastarden) was one of 2023's best reviewed features but a film that curiously managed to remain one that flew under the radar of most, which is a shame considering many viewers who may not know about the film are forgoing a chance to watch a mostly fascinating feature that further establishes Mads Mikkelsen as one of the industries most reliable talents.
Teaming up once more with his A Royal Affair director Nikolaj Arcel (doing his best to move on from the debacle that was The Dark Tower), Mikkelsen is a force to be reckoned with here as real life Danish solider turned farmer Ludvig Kahlen, a determined and doggedly focussed man who was hellbent on conquering a barren Jutland in the name of his king in the mid-17th centaury.
Kahlen offers Mikkelsen one of his best leading man turns in years and gifts viewers a wonderful chance to sit back and watch this well-rounded epic take place.
An unrelentingly intense watch and one unafraid to tackle an array of topics and issues that other similar historical dramas may try their best to avoid or skirt over, Land isn't what you'd typically associate to feel-good viewing but there's an old-school charm and polished feel to everything that takes place in Arcel's film and while the film doesn't always perfectly juggle its many narrative themes that sometimes veer into the melodramatic or balance its many important characters into proceedings the way one might have hoped, they're all minor issues when for the most part Land is so gripping and well-made.
Adapted from Ida Jessen's book The Captain and Ann Barbara, Arcel and co-screenwriter Anders Thomas Jensen (another frequent Mikkelsen collaborator) do a top-notch job at bringing a multi-decade spanning story to life before our eyes and at all times Mikkelsen displays a rare leading man power throughout that makes him at times vulnerable, at times steeped in mystery and at other times utterly commanding.
It's the type of layered but in many ways unfussy performance that deserved some awards attention but it's become somewhat of the norm for Mikkelsen to be delivering this calibre of performance ever since his breakout performances in the likes of After the Wedding, TV series Hannibal and the brilliantly unnerving The Hunt, so it's not unsurprising that much like the film itself, Mikkelsen wasn't able to gain the spotlight in a crowded 2023 awards circuit.
Unable to find a significant audience at the global box office when it appeared late in 2023, there's hope that this engaging feature can now find a significant audience on the home streaming platforms that will allow for viewers to be treated to an engaging two hours centred around a fascinating man and his plight to succeed against seemingly insurmountable odds.
Final Say -
An engaging true life tale expertly brought to life by director Nikolaj Arcel and his talented leading man, The Promised Land may have been a film you skipped or never had a chance to hear about with your chance available now to partake in one of 2023's most well-rounded dramas.
4 sacks of potato's out of 5.
Wolfs (2024)
Apple's latest original is a D.O.A offering
Well that was a disappointing way to spend a reported $200 million dollar budget.
The film that has finally caused Apple to look at their film release strategy moving forward, with this, their newest high profile release Wolfs skipping a large-format cinema release all together to encourage new users to sign up directly to their faltering streaming service, this star-studded affair is a lethargic and unmemorable Ocean's 11 reunion that gives up a strong set-up to a mediocre at best end product that is a huge let down in multiple facets.
Director and writer Jon Watts first foray behind the camera that isn't a Spider-Man product since his 2017 Marvel debut Spider-Man: Homecoming, Wolfs on paper appears to be an extremely enticing proposition with this dark comedy thriller pairing George Clooney's and Brad Pitt's nameless fixers (roles in which they supposedly netted $35 million dollar plus paydays for) on a job over the span of one night that gets them involved in all many of hijinks and twists.
The whole concept is very Coen Brothers feeling early on and things start out promising enough as we are thrust straight into the action where Amy Ryan's politician has found herself in need of some expert assistance with a near-naked dead body laying on the floor of her hotel room but from here on out events in Watts's expensive excursion barely raise a pulse with the unnecessarily complex narrative losing most of its minimal lustre well before the end credits have rolled with not even the known chemistry between Pitt and Clooney able to salvage such a heartless offering.
Friends on and off camera, the repertoire that the two heavy-hitting A-listers have built over numerous decades is certainly on show here as their two stoic professionals face hurdle after hurdle on a job they'd wished they never took but Watts is unable to ever get the most out of their individual or joint bag of tricks with the silver foxes only able to carry Wolfs so far across its oddly uneventful 100 minute run time that is broken up only by a cold looking car chase and a run in with some generic European goons.
Offering about as much enjoyment as Pitt would've taken from multiple takes of sipping on a cold can of Coke in the films opening act (putting Pitt's World War Z Pepsi ad to shame), it's not hard to see why Wolfs was shunted from its originally large-scale cinematic foray with Apple needing to take urgent stock of how it invests in ample funds into feature projects if this is what 100's of millions of dollars is getting them.
Final Say -
Oddly greenlit for a sequel I am unsure anyone will ever be asking for, Wolfs is a forgettable and disappointing Brad Pitt and George Clooney reunion that offers very little return for a project that was given everything to succeed to a much higher level.
2 cans of soda out of 5
Jordan and Eddie (The Movie Guys)
Borderlands (2024)
2024's most notable failure is an epic disaster
In February we were gifted (cursed?) with what appeared to be an undeniable and undisputed champion of the years worst film in the form of the irredeemably bad Madame Web, but in a further reminder that nothing is ever truly set in stone, August has provided us with a genuine challenger in big-budget video game adaptation Borderlands.
A film whose director abandoned it well before re-shoots took place over the past years, as the feature battled a serious case of development hell and a film whose original co-writer Craig Mazin (the man who gifted us hit series The Last of Us and Chernobyl!) fought to get his name replaced with an alias of Joe Crombie, there were a number of warning signs making themselves very apparent before Eli Roth's $100+ million ever reached cinema screens but no one was prepared for just how atrocious this D. O. A offering actually was.
Sinking to a genuinely disastrous global box office haul of just over $30 million, Borderlands ineptitude is going to go down in the record books not only as another sad and sorry example of a video game adaptation gone wrong but a criminally lifeless event that got every aspect of its existence wrong from terrible casting decisions, production design choices, directional styles to The Room like script work, Borderlands is devoid of anything that is close to a resemblance of a good feature film.
A great mystery of the lore of Borderlands will forever be how on earth Roth and the creative team behind this turkey managed to enlist the support of Oscar winners Cate Blanchett and Jamie Lee Curtis or the far above the likes of this garbage performers like Edgar Ramírez or the voice of Jack Black, whose vocal talents here as annoying robot Claptrap are so distorted you wonder why anybody couldn't of done his no doubt high-paying gig?, what anyone could've seen in this project based on an end result here is highly suspect.
When one looks at Borderlands the property, which mainly includes the 3 core games in the Gearbox owned series, it's not a narrative that instantly inspires thoughts of a full-length feature but how its wild and colourful world of crazy monsters, gun loving psychos and whacky yet lovable core characters got turned into this uninspired waste of money is anyone's guess with the only logical reasoning to be whatever original vision this film had got lost along the way with a studio changing direction and Deadpool director Tim Miller unable to work magic when he was called upon to take lead on reshoots.
In the battle of 2024's most notable and notorious bad films you have to hand it still to Madame Web, which at least provides mortifying entertainment with its seemingly intentional sabotaging whereas Borderlands isn't even slightly amusing in its crimes, as its boredom inducing 100 minutes provides nothing but failure after failure to launch, embarrassing all who partook or gifted their money in making this film come to fruition.
Final Say -
A film that is likely to remain relevant long into the future as a prime example of the Hollywood movie-making system gone very bad, Borderlands is an unjustifiably bad non-event that marks itself down as a career low-point for all involved. Not even close to so bad it's good, Borderlands is a film best left avoided at all costs to ones sanity and trust in humanity.
0 Emmy winning screenwriters out of 5
Jordan and Eddie (The Movie Guys)
Butcher's Crossing (2022)
A lacking low-budget western
Premiering all the way back at the Toronto International Film Festival in September 0f 2022, it's been a long and unceremonious journey for director Gabe Polsky's adaptation of John Williams revered American novel Butcher's Crossing with the Nicolas Cage starring dramatic western receiving little fanfare as it appeared in a handful of cinemas around the world before being dumped on VOD channels in the early months of 2024.
Filmed over the period of a few weeks in Blackfeet Nation land in the picturesque state of Montana, Crossing is a film that looks the part and remains relatively faithful to Williams demanding and intense text but despite its earnest attempts there's a genuine lack of engagement and purpose to Polsky's film that makes it a feature that leaves little in the way of a lasting impression while at the same time somehow making a bald headed fur-coat wearing Nicolas Cage a boring co-lead.
Centred around Fred Hechinger's charisma free Harvard drop out Will Andrews venturing into the untamed American wilds with eyes on experiencing the real "wild" west, where he meets Cage's unhinged hunter Miller who partners with Andrews on a dangerous expedition into the rugged mountains with hopes of a buffalo hunt that would rewrite the record books, there's a unique and intriguing set-up to Williams novel and Polsky's film but as it's adapted here, Crossing gets into a rather boring grove very early on, a grove of which it's never able to properly escape from.
Looking fantastic thanks to cinematographer David Gallego, who ensures Crossing's small budget is put to good use on the natural landscapes the film was gifted, this rumination on the American dream and American ideals as well as mankind's mistreatment of nature is a film that feels the part in certain circumstances but there's no real heart and soul here holding everything together and Hechinger and Cage aren't bringing much too the table, with little key supports Jeremy Bobb as reluctant participant Fred Schneider or Paul Raci as rambling old-timer McDonald unable to do much also to help Crossing stand out from the ever increasing crowd that is the VOD market.
Perhaps appealing to die-hard fans of Williams work and those that seek any excuse to venture back to the American west were lawlessness and bloodshed was part of the everyday, Crossing may find a small and willing audience but there's little broad appeal here, with even a strangely docile Cage performance unlikely to do much for those seeking more wild antics from their favourite cult figure.
Final Say -
There's times where Butcher's Crossing may look the part but this uninvolving dramatic Western fails to inspire in the emotional stakes or thrills stakes creating a strange feature that is unlikely to ever find a significant fanbase.
2 Buffalo hides out of 5
Jordan and Eddie (The Movie Guys)
Night Swim (2024)
Sinks like a rock
A notorious dumping/burial ground for feature films, January has a long and storied history of unleashing an abundance of hellishly bad films onto audiences over a number of decades but 2024 January release Night Swim has quickly joined the top tier ranks of badness with a wet on arrival experience that provides about as much entertainment as you'd get out of submerging yourself in freezing cold water in the heart of winter for 90 minutes.
Shamefully produced by long time horror players James Wan and Jason Blum, who should both have known better than to encourage paying cinemagoers to dive into writer/director Bryce McGuire's feature adaptation of his own short film, Night Swim wants to explore what would happen if a literal swimming pool became haunted (a scenario I am fairly sure no one wanted to explore in depth) and progresses to provide us with 98 minutes of painfully dull and far from scary situations that you wonder whether we should be taking as serious or comical?
Somehow enlisting (I really hope the paycheques were worth the soul selling) the support of well-liked performers Wyatt Russell and Kerry Condon to play couple Ray and Eve Waller, Night Swim follows the Waller's as they buy a new house with a lovely looking swimming pool only to quickly discover that this bonus addition to the house is not a place to enjoy a quiet swim in as missing cats, eventful games of Marco Polo and waterlogged zombie ghosts that look fresh out of a cheap PS2-era videogame take hold and McGuire and co-writer Rod Blackhurst unleash one of the years worst screenplays on us against our will.
Perhaps having some merit as a short film, stretching Night Swim's narrative out over such a large time was an unwarranted step as none of the characters presented here or the scenarios that they find themselves are in could be considered engaging, surprising or inventive as we move from scene to scene that often involves a different member of the Waller family having a strange experience during a casual swim and then moves to a rushed finale that tries to expand the lore of the pool at the centre of all the shenanigans.
There's little to get excited about and anyone looking for a casual scare or two will be left with nothing but odd references to old Australian prime ministers and decent actors sullying their name brand with poor roles.
The type of experience that should have stayed in its own lane and out of cinemas, Night Swim would not even have been worthy of an uncelebrated direct to streaming release, a genuinely atrocious movie devoid of spark or a reason to care, here's hoping this one quickly sinks to the bottom of the pile as viewers can discover some worthy genre offerings throughout the rest of 2024.
Final Say -
If a film like Night Swim can be financed and released on such a large scale it gives hope to anyone looking to get their worthy or unworthy feature made. A new low for features with James Wan and Jason Blum's names associated to it, Night Swim should be avoided at all costs.
1/2 a toy boat out of 5
Jordan and Eddie (The Movie Guys)
The Wild Robot (2024)
A worthy contender for the Animated film of 2024
Marking the end of an extremely successful and entertaining era for DreamWorks in-house animation studios which will move onto outsourced works in the future, Chris Sanders newest venture behind the camera following his well-liked works as overseer on hits Lilo & Stitch, How to Train Your Dragon and The Croods is a wonderful send-off for the brand that gave us many an animated classic, with The Wild Robot a genuine contender against box-office heavyweight Inside Out 2 as the animated film of 2024.
An adaptation of author Peter Brown's hit books of the same name, Robot has already been drawing rave reviews and comparisons to the likes of The Iron Giant and Sanders own Dragon adventure, far from feint praise for a film in this genre that here manages to become an all-round package sure to inspire those youngsters that will flock to the story of lost robot Roz and her budding friendship with street-smart fox Fink and young gosling Brightbill, who she acts as a surrogate mother for but also a film that will resonate with older viewers who are sure to find much to enjoy from such a lovingly crafted film full of heart and soul.
Utilising the entirety of its quickfire 100 minute running time, Robot has very few lulls or downtime as Roz's journey of discovery with new friends, as well as what it means to truly care and love outside of her designed confines takes us on a familiar theatrical ride but one that's done with enough uniqueness and sense of its own identity that there's never a worry that Robot is merely ticking boxes along its way to crafting a memorable outing that will have you cheering, laughing and more than likely crying throughout its course.
Standing out amongst everything here is Robot's CG animation style that Sanders himself describes as "a Monet painting in a Miyazaki forest", a style that creates more than its fair share of visually outstanding segments and when this lovingly crafted vibrancy comes together with thoughtful lead voice performers Lupita Nyong'o as the loveable Roz and Pedro Pascal as the initially detestable but eventually likable Fink and enhanced by Kris Bowers exemplary and soaring score, Robot comes together as a complete package in every department.
Narratively Robot undoubtedly takes few risks and many key happenings will be overtly predictable for any seasoned viewer but it would take a very jaded and cold cinematic soul to not find joy and comfort from a film so enjoyable as this, a fitting swansong to a wonderous period of DreamWorks products and a further reminder that the animation world is alive and well with many more notable stories yet to tell.
Final Say -
One of the years most pleasant surprises regardless of genre or design, The Wild Robot is a winning mix of heart, humour and imagination, gifting this familiar feeling tale with a sense of wonderment and adventure that should ensure its place amongst the years biggest audience hits.
4 feigned deaths out of 5
Jordan and Eddie (The Movie Guys)
Speak No Evil (2024)
McAvoy steals the show in this so-so remake
Becoming something of a sleeper hit in 2022, Christian Tafdrup's Danish psychological horror Speak No Evil made a mark amongst local and international audiences with its unnerving mix of dark social commentary/humour and mortifyingly confronting horror elements that culminated in one of the most talked-about and controversial final acts of the last few years, making it of little surprise that Hollywood quickly came calling with a Blumhouse produced English language remake we now have here.
Enlisting the support of a typically commanding James McAvoy and surrounding him with solid support players Mackenzie Davis, Scoot McNairy and The Nightingale breakout star Aisling Franciosi, Eden Lake and The Woman in Black director James Watkins, under the ever watchful eye of horror producer extraordinaire Jason Blum, has managed to ensure that Evil overcomes many English language remakes inability to launch to create a well-made but undeniably mid-tier product that suffers from a lack of tension and unease found in the original and a brave but lacking last act change-up that won't affect new viewers but will disappoint many who were shocked by where the original took them.
Following the increasingly odd budding friendship of London couple Louise and Ben Dalton (Davis and McNairy) and their young daughter Agnes (Alix West Lefler), who after a European holiday end up at the remote residence of fellow couple Paddy and Ciara (McAvoy and Franciosi) and their mute son Ant, Evil is the definition of a slow burn as these couples begin to butt heads with one another over a range of issues and occurrences that culminate in a way that probably ensures this is a one-off joint venture between the families.
Built around awkward politeness, a longing to connect and how far one can go to keep the peace, Evil's core themes remain in-tact in this reimagining but this version frequently suffers from lulls in proceedings and long-stretches without many pay-offs and is often overly reliant on the screen presence and menacingly off-kilter powers of McAvoy to help carry it along as the talented Scotsman continues on with that skillset he refined in the likes of Split to deliver another memorable turn here as the wild-eyed Paddy.
Without McAvoy's can't look away from turn, Evil may have suffered the same fate as many fellow foreign language remakes, even more prevalent in the horror genre, where they stumble and fumble their way to the finish lines, yet while Watkin's version of this dark and chilling tale has its moments in the sun, mostly this is a rather predictable and pedestrian affair, something the original version of this tale absolutely wasn't.
Final Say -
Providing another joyous chance to watch James McAvoy ply his bad trade, Speak No Evil isn't a typical remake write-off and will provide more interest for the many who may not have had a chance to see the 2022 original but overall it's another middle of the road Hollywood horror that is unlikely to break out in any significant way.
2 1/2 prized geese out of 5
Jordan and Eddie (The Movie Guys)
Next Goal Wins (2023)
Another so-so Waititi feature
Based on a true story and the well regarded documentary feature from 2014 with the same title, New Zealand director Taika Waititi's first feature film since his divisive Thor: Love and Thunder is a sports comedy that sees the well-liked Hollywood player return to the roots he established with his odd-ball dramedies Boy and Hunt for the Wilderpeople but while Next Goal Wins shows snippets of what caused many to fall in love with Waititi's offerings over the past decade, it's hard to walk away from this rather generic fish out of water sports story that never goes for a hattrick with much enthusiasm.
Originally filmed all the way back in 2019 and the victim of numerous delays that included issues with original cast member Armie Hammer, Goal was a film that many involved seemed to have fallen out of love with as Waititi's film released to little fanfare around the world late in 2023 causing this Searchlight Pictures offering to come away from its box office run with less than $20 million in ticket sales and a critical and audience reaction that Waititi had not yet faced outside of his Marvel products.
Bringing along Michael Fassbender for an against type performance as troubled soccer coach Thomas Rongen who reluctantly accepts a job in America Samoa to oversee their disastrously bad men's soccer team, who had in recent times been victims to some of the worst ever losses in football history, Waititi had a fair amount of potential at his fingertips when you judge Goal by its cover but the film is never able to get into a significantly notable groove as it goes along its way, generically ticking off a number of boxes that will be of little surprise to anyone that's ever watched an underdog sporting film before.
A filmmaker who has previously managed to instil a significant amount of originality and charm into films that would otherwise be victims of pedestrian delivery, from Boy/Wilderpeople's coming of age tales, Thor: Ragnarok's reimagining of a comic favourite, Jojo Rabbit's WW2 film with a difference or What We Do in the Shadow's mockumentary shenanigans, Goal finds Waititi bereft of these elements, which makes it hard to understand why he was so drawn to the film in the first place if this was going to be his approach to the material?
It's not to say Goal is an outright failure, it does have its small charms and Fassbender at times is as good as he has been for years, particularly in a late segment where we understand more about Rongen's past, but with many jokes falling flat, soccer segments lacking any excitement and a general sense that there's not a lot of love that was given to this feature, it's not hard to see why Goal came and went with little notice.
Here's hoping Waititi can find his mojo once more after two back to back disappointments that are starting to point towards a director that's ran out of new ideas.
Final Say -
A generic sports dramedy that would've benefited greatly from the spark that's been found in prior Taika Waititi films, Next Goal Wins is a passable time waster but a missed opportunity to be so much more.
2 1/2 misused permanent markers out of 5
Jordan and Eddie (The Movie Guys)