not cool

I've always wanted to be cool. My parents were cool. There was a crowd of cool, popular smarties at school. I wanted to be cool too.

But I'll tell you what. I never felt cool. And therefore, I wasn't.

I just want to offer that what we do when we're worrying about being cool (or smart or liked or enough), is the very thing that keeps us from being that way.

Meaning, when I'm worried about being cool, I'm ultimately telling myself "I'm not cool" which not only makes me worry, but makes me feel insecure and small.

And when I'm caught up in my head feeling insecure and small, I'm not going to tell the cute, cool boy that I like him. I'm not going to even try to sit with the cool smarties at lunch - because I'm afraid I'm not cool. And if any of them talk to me, I'll fumble over my words - which is inherently not cool. I'll be fixated on how I'm not cool - I'll criticize my body, my grades, the fact that no one has asked me out.

And therefore, my brain will conclude, "Whoa. I'm really not cool."

See how this doesn't work for us? When we're focused on NOT having the thing we want, we get in our own way. Because our brain will prove any thought we have to be true. That's its job.

So what lack are you focusing on right now? Do you wish you were cool? Do you wonder if you're enough?

Instead of lamenting, like me, "I'm so not cool," could you look for all the ways that you are cool and enough right now? What have you done that you're proud of? How is being you great?

I'm happy I wasn't cool. Because not being cool, and not feeling enough, has taken me on this journey to help others - and even the "cool kids" feel it too. Isn't it funny? And ultimately, we're all valuable and enough already. We just have to prove that to our brains.

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📷 : @kelsielynn_photography