Fireworks.
Fire.
You going to work.
A ball that’s too far under the sofa.
A bigger dog.
A smaller dog.
A dog that is the same size.
Vacuum cleaner.
Robot vacuum.
Vacuum cleaner and robot vacuum teaming up to steal dog treats.
Noise outside.
Noise inside.
A noise that the dog in question made.
Bag moved by the wind.
People packing their bags.
Bag of chips falling on the ground.
Human stranger.
Animal stranger.
“Stranger Things” on TV, turned up loud.
Rat.
Something that sounds like a rat.
Big, inflatable strike rat outside a shitty business.
Someone saying “food,” but then no food.
Person wearing a large, weird coat.
Opening an umbrella.
Closing an umbrella.
Not having an umbrella and getting wet.
A cuddle ending.
A cuddle starting.
Shadow on the ceiling.
Own reflection in a mirror.
Self-reflection, and, soon, a sudden wave of higher consciousness, bringing with it all the existential dread that comes with a greater understanding of the self. A glimpse at mortality and one’s fleeting presence on Earth, which, too, will eventually be erased and brought to meaninglessness by the inevitable death of the sun. All this, but seven times faster than for humans.
More Humor
- Dating is so hard when you are an insufferable person with a bland personality.
- I finally listened to my body, and this is what it had to say.
- May I steal your dog?
- I will have kids in a few years, when I am successful and wealthy and my life is finally perfect.
- Compliments I have received in my thirties, translated.
- How to experience New York like a true local.
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