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7 Retro Video Game Box Covers That Make No Sense

You really can't judge a retro game by its cover.

February 16, 2017
Video Game Covers That Make No Sense

In the days when video game pixel counts were low, retail box artists struggled to realistically depict the often abstract situations in which video game characters found themselves. This resulted in a large number of amazingly strange video game box covers in the 1980s and early 1990s.

For example, many games for the pioneering Atari 2600 console shipped with surreal (and quite frankly, wonderful) box art that extrapolated gameplay past the system's graphical limitations. Artists were forced to interpret games with huge, blocky pixels and very little detail in a very realistic or literal manner that sometimes had bizarre implications.

Oddly enough, the tradition of tangentially related box illustrations continued even as game console resolutions increased—especially in the West, where companies that localized Japanese games wanted to give their releases a marketing angle they thought would more strongly appeal to American or European cultural traditions.

With that in mind, I've gathered together a gallery full of interesting, odd, weird, and wacky retro game box art from 1980 to 1992. In each instance, we'll examine the dissonance between box artwork and the reality of the game itself.

1. Zork (TRS-80 Model I, 1980)

Zork (TRS-80 Model I, 1980)
The Cover: This first-ever commercial release of the seminal text adventure game Zork (published by Personal Software) features a wild fantasy cover that depicts a brave and mighty hero hoarding treasure while slaying a monster in front of a crazy gothic mansion interpretation of the famous "white house." And is that a grue behind him?

The Reality: Zork is well known for its sense of humor, and while it includes fantasy elements, the actual mood of the game does not fit this cover art whatsoever. Grues are always lurking unseen in the darkness, and of course, there are no graphics at all in the game. Your imagination serves as your GPU.

2. Pac-Man (Atari 800, 1982)

Pac-Man (Atari 800, 1982)
The Cover: Since the launch of Pac-Man in the arcade, artists have been unsure how to draw him. Does he have legs? Or is he just a giant gobbling puck that floats around in space? Hiro, the artist for this Atari 800 version of Pac-Man, chose to depict the Yellow One as a buck-toothed anthropomorphic jogger running for his life while eating floating discs inside a castle. Even the ghosts have legs.

The Reality: The graphics of Pac-Man are obviously intended to be abstract and simple, which adds a great deal to the game's longevity and widespread appeal. Pac-Man has no legs (or body), and there is nary a castle to be seen. Why is he eating dots? No one knows. Does it matter?

3. Deadly Duck (Atari 2600, 1982)

Deadly Duck (Atari 2600, 1982)
The Cover: Flying green crabs drop red clay bricks on a grinning, toothy duck wearing a cape and glasses with a double-barrel shotgun coming out of his mouth. In a pond.

The Reality: Deadly Duck is a vertical shooter similar to Space Invaders or Demon Attack. You play as a duck that shoots upward at alien-looking things that "shoot" down at you. What is most striking is that the developer took the basic Space Invaders formula and found a surreal way to translate it into a different theme: i.e. dropping bricks instead of shooting, a duck instead of a missile base. But flying crabs?

4. Donkey Kong (Intellivision, 1982)

Donkey Kong (Intellivision, 1982)
The Cover: On this cover of Donkey Kong released in Europe for the Intellivision, we see a He-Man-style Mario—no hat—wielding what almost appears to be Thor's Mjolnir hammer. Donkey Kong is a fearsome, sharp-fanged monster who has trapped beautiful Pauline in a cage. At least he's throwing a barrel.

The Reality: This port of Donkey Kong for the Mattel Intellivision console is well-known for being fairly horrible. The graphics are phoned-in, the animation is bad, and it's hard to control. The biggest letdown of all? Donkey Kong has no fangs.

5. Mega Man 2 (NES, 1988)

Mega Man 2 (NES, 1988)
The Cover: The original Mega Man is well-known for having abysmally bad box art in the US. Mega Man 2's European release continued the tradition with much better, but still questionable box art. Sure, it's well-illustrated in a Western sci-fi/fantasy style, but does it match the theme and feel of the game? Mega Man has shiny metallic armor and realistic body proportions with a blaster on his right arm. Enemies look fierce and frightening.

The Reality: Mega Man is a stubby Japanese-style cartoon character with a blaster on his left arm that bounces through Technicolor worlds fighting equally cute and stubby enemies.

6. Super Breakout (Atari 2600, 1981)

Super Breakout (Atari 2600, 1981)
The Cover: So it turns out that this whole time when you thought you were controlling an inanimate paddle—literally a line on the screen—bouncing a ball around a black corridor to break colored blocks, you were actually a space astronaut playing a game of intergalactic racquetball to free your ship from a rainbow force field. I'm not even making this up. There's a story in the manual and everything.

The Reality: You control an inanimate paddle bouncing a ball around a black corridor to break colored blocks.

7. Phalanx (Super NES, 1992)

Phalanx (Super NES, 1992)
The Cover: There is probably a great story about why there is a banjo-playing hillbilly on the cover of a Phalanx, a side-scrolling space shooter game for the Super NES, but I don't know what it is. I don't need to know. The designer tried to catch the viewer's attention, and they got it—albeit about 10 years later on the Internet when people started making fun of it in earnest.

The Reality: It's a fairly typical side-scrolling sci-fi shooter, and as far as I have seen in playing it, it has nothing to do with banjo-playing hillbillies. But it should. Can somebody hack it in there for me?

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