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There are many things, factors if you will, that have lead me to where I
am today. I’m sitting in my bedroom, as a worn out, sick of everything, ready to
move on, frustrated, and annoyed senior in high school. Things like manipulation
and so much more have brought me to this place, along with bad decisions and
trying to learn from the mistakes of others’. Even with all of these things, and trying
to make myself better, I am apparently failing at it all. I hope though, that what I
think I have gathered about myself from others’ is very wrong. I really pray that all
of the things that I have been through have taught me things, and made me able to
make good and well thought out decisions. I suppose though, that this would be the
point of my writing this. Hopefully by the end of it all, you’ll be able to decide for
yourself whether or not I have done well.

I suppose that starting where my life was coming into existence would be
a very good place to begin. I was born on July 5th, 1992 at around two o’clock in the
morning. For some reason, I was too stubborn to be a 4th of July baby, I had to be
difficult. Hard headed from the start I suppose. I was born in Baptist Hospital in
Nashville TN, and my Mother tells me that she was watching the fireworks show
when I was coming into being. My parents are David and Condra. We are known for
our odd names. My name is Addison Dione Post. Addison, as in the boys’ name.
Dione, like the way Celine Dion says her name. Post, like post office. My parents
met when she was fifteen, and he was seventeen. They were married when she was
seventeen, and he was nineteen. Then they had me by the time she was eighteen
and he was about to be twenty. My two little brothers showed up during the next
five years. When David (Davy as we call him) was born, we lived in Colorado. My
Dad was (and is) in the Army. We were stationed in Colorado Springs, Colorado. We
moved back to Nashville before Alexander (Alex as we call him) was born. Until I
was eight years old, we lived in Murfresboro TN.

Soon afterward, my parents got divorced. I really don’t remember too

much about it. I’ve been told more since I’ve gotten older, but I’m not sure if I even
know everything. During the last stretch of their marriage, my dad worked, was in
the Army, and went to school. He did all of that at once so that my Mom wouldn’t
have to work, all she wanted to do was be a stay at home Mom. She thought that

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was all she was made to do, was to be a Mom. Well, during the final parts of them
being together, it all became too much. She started drinking, and a lot too. She has
told me that she would drink so much at a time that she would be completely
blacked out. To us, she seemed awake enough, but she would wake up and not
remember anything that happened. She soon filed divorce against my Dad. As far
as I know, my Dad wanted to save it. He is extremely loyal. Once he’s given his
heart up, he’s more loyal than anyone else I know. Even so, she still filed for
divorce. Sometimes, when people lie to themself over and over again, they start to
believe the lies. That’s exactly what she did. She filed for divorce against him
because he was “neglecting” us. Her reasoning was because he was gone all the
time and she was the only one to take care of us. Even though the only reason he
was doing all of that was to make her happy.

After they got divorced, we lived with my Moms Mom, then my Dad and
brothers and I all moved in with his parents. When I was in third grade I went to
DCA. My brothers and I all lived with my Mom in Old Hickory. It was probably the
worst place I have ever lived. We all slept in one room, with mattresses piled on the
floor, and fans going. The windows in our rooms were all busted out. All we had in
the kitchen was a stove, microwave, and a refrigerator. While we lived there, she
tried to kill herself. I didn’t know anything about it until much later, but she did. It
was one of those times when she drank so much that she blanked out. My Dad had
a bad feeling and called my aunt Kara, and she sent the police to our house to find
her. We had been staying with my Dad that weekend. After that, my Dad was
deployed to Kuwait. At this point I had just finished fourth grade, and had been
through three different schools. Fourth grade ended in 2001. I remember the day
the towers fell. To all of the kids my age, we didn’t really understand it. I can
remember sitting in Mrs. Gaulden’s fourth grade class, when those men crashed
into our buildings. My teacher started crying a little bit too. It was a very important
day, I knew it from the moment she turned on the News. It really made everyone
turn into patriots over night, I wish more people would think about that. Not just let
it fade out of sight.

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While Dad was gone, we started out living with his parents. I went to Head
middle Magnet school. I really hated every second of it. I had Mr. Lyle who reminded
me of a toad. The one thing I remember most about fifth grade was when these
three big fat girls threatened to beat the snot out of me. The reason was because I
told them to quit picking on my friend Erin for playing her Pokemon game at lunch.
After I said that, I was scared to death! They were huge compared to me! My Dad
came to my school and talked to my teacher, then the teacher went off on all three
of them. It was probably the most hilarious sight I have ever seen. He called them
out into the hall and threatened to call their mama’s and they all started bawling
like big huge babies! During fifth grade sometime, we moved in with my Mom
again. I remember her reading us emails that Dad would send to her that were for
us.

Soon she met Randy. I have to say that I really could not stand that
man, even a little bit. He had five kids, and was fifty years old. My mom was only
thirty at the time. I remember when he started coming by the house. They were
soon married. Randy and my Mom I mean. We all moved out to Franklin with him
and his three youngest children. I went to school out there for sixth grade and half
of seventh. I’m pretty sure that I was the most depressed sixth grader you could
have come into contact with. Everyone hated me at school, Mom and Randy didn’t
even pretend to get along, and I took care of all of the kids excluding his older sons.
I didn’t realize it yet though. I just did what needed to be done, because it needed
to be done! Tyler was a senior, and Alex was a sophomore when we moved in. They
both took care of themselves, and were out of the house as much as they could
possibly be. I wished that I was so lucky. Randy was so old he didn’t know how to
treat younger children. He always found ways and reasons to get me into trouble.
My mom was to drunk all of the time to disagree with him either, whatever he said
was law. I hated him. No matter what I did, he found a way to keep my cooped up in
the house. Fun was never an option. His youngest child was named Meredith. She
was perfectly beautiful to me. I loved her with all of my heart. We simply loved the
idea of a sister because neither of us had ever had one. I would sleep in her bed
with her most nights. I remember her telling me on not so rare occasions that she
wished she had a different Dad. I just told her that we don’t get to pick our parents.

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I really didn’t know how to make her feel any better. I wish now that I would have
had something encouraging to say to her. I remember the last fight that my Mom
and Randy ever had. I was the only person in the house besides them; I was up
stairs, looking down on them in the living room. She looked madder than ever, and
he was begging her to make things work. She sort of growled at him and said she
would never do that. Secretly, I smiled. I was ready to move away from everything
there, excluding Meredith. I rejoiced when I got to move away from the people who
threw starbursts in my hair on the bus. I was so happy to get away from UT football.
I was ecstatic to get away from all of the cursing and hard feelings against my
brothers and I. Basically, I was ready to get the heck out of there.

We moved back into my dad’s house and we changed schools again. Davy
and I went to Donelson Middle School. On my very first day there, I felt completely
out of place. In Franklin, you were not cool unless you dressed like a Barbie doll, and
wore super padded bras. I never followed that. Black hoodies and too much
eyeliner smudged around my fudge colored eyes were my best friends. Not to
forget my Christian metal music. (Don’t tell anyone it was all about God. Anyone
who heard it thought I was really intense.) When I moved out to Donelson, I figured I
would start at the new school on a better note. Heels, with a Hollister mini skirt and
a white top was what I went with. When I walked into school, I immediately
regretted trying to look cute. I out dressed every single person there! It was awful.
From the looks I got that first day, I could tell that things would be messy at this
school too. Just when I thought that friendship would be a loss at my new school
too, I bumped into a girl. When she saw me, she looked me all the way up and
down, twice, before deciding to talk to me. She had on jeans and converse tennis
shoes, and wore no make up. When she walked up she started talking immediately.
“Hiyya,” she chirped “I don’t think I ever saw you here before…you new or
somethin’?” She continued as she looked me up and down another time. “Yes.” I
replied sheepishly “I am new, today is my first day. I moved here from Franklin.”
She cocked her body all onto one side with a fist promptly set on the hip the stuck
out the farthest. “Well that explains your outfit. You look like you tired out for
America’s Next Top Model and they told you no because you were so dern short.”
She chuckled quietly at herself, and I waited for her to continue. She looked up into

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my face and pondered a moment, then started blabbing again. “What is your name
anyway? Mines Kayla Rain Cliburn” she smiled. “My names Addison Dione Post.” I
replied with a grin just as huge as hers was. She brightened yet again and said
“Well Addison Dione Post, it looks like I’ve found my new best friend, what class you
got next?” she said snatching my schedule from my hand, and that was that. She
was my best friend from that very moment, and made everything about the rest of
middle school just a little bit more bearable. Keep in mind, every girl other than her
hated me, and every guy loved me. It’s just the way middle school works. We
muscled through all of it though, every bit together. You couldn’t find one of us
without the other being at least two steps behind. I remember the one real fight we
ever got into, but it blew over in two days.

My freshman year I chose to go a separate way than Kayla did. I really

wanted to stay away from McGavock, and I also wanted to pursue music. I decided
that Nashville School of the Arts would be the best way to go. Kayla cried when I
told her I wasn’t going to the same school as her the next year, but we knew that
we would stay best friends, so it didn’t really matter. My freshman year was,
interesting. I didn’t mind the school I went to, I liked the fact that I got to play my
violin every day, and actually learn some things that seemed like they’d matter to
my life after high school. A lot happened to me that year. It’s sort of when
everything about what had happened in my life came crashing down on top of my
head. My mom re married again, with a man named Chyld. She met him on the
internet, dated him for six weeks, and then married him. I really didn’t think that
was a very good idea, but “I didn’t know anything about getting married”. Soon, she
moved in with him, and we started going to see her there every weekend. At the
time, we still lived with Dad. I remember that marriage flew by so fast. The final
straw of it was one night while we were there. My Mom was obviously drunk. Davy
knew it, and had realized it, long before I suspected anything at all. She was
watching TV with Alex and was just angry. She was pretty much barking at
everyone. She later put Alex to bed, and while she was still in his room, Chyld asked
her what was wrong. She told him nothing. He told her she was acting different.
That’s what set her off. Davy and I were sitting in the hallway watching it all, and
Alex was laying in bed as wide eyed as could possibly be, memorizing every word

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that was said, even if it didn’t really all make sense to him. She rose to her feet and
looked like she could have killed her husband then and there. She snarled and
asked “What’s different about me!?” She turned then to Davy and I and asked
again, “Whats Different About Me!? HUH??” Chyld interrupted and said “Babe you
need to calm down.” She snapped her head around at him so fast it was scary.
“YOU! You don’t tell me what the hell to do around MY CHILDREN!” I stood promptly
to my feet and met her glare straight on, with a piercing look of my own. “That is
whats different about you! You would NEVER curse in front of my brother that way!”
She just stared back at me for a moment, like she didn’t really know what to say.
Then she answered me “Go to Your Room!” in the most awful voice I have ever
heard. It honestly made me think of something dying inside her, then the voice of
the nasty dead thing was what spoke to me that night. I did go to my room, but I
didn’t stay. I grabbed a jacket, and went oustside. I went running, up to the top of a
hill where you can see so many stars. I looked up, and screamed at all of those
beautiful stars, asking why on earth they’d let something like this happen.

My Mom and Chyld shortly divorced. He told her that he would stay
with her if she went to rehab. He dropped her off one day, and she never heard
from him again. While she was going to AA meetings, she met Ronnie. They got
together and now she is living with him. After my sophomore year was over, I
started dating Logan Hamilton. That summer I spent every moment I could with
him. I didn’t want to be with anyone else. I had known him from sixth grade in
Franklin. He was all into things like drugs and alcohol, and had already gotten
someone pregnant by the time we dated. For some reason, I let all of that slide,
because it was him. That for me, was one of the worst mistakes I have ever made.
He was what made me think it would be a good idea to start lying and being
deceitful. I don’t know why he was able to have such and affect on me, but he did.
We dated for nearly six months. I told him I needed a short break, and he decided to
go spend the night and party with some other girl. That move completely killed it, I
was done. During the time in which he and I dated, my Dad started dating someone
too. Her name is Sarah. He had known her for a long time before then too. They
used to work together. Very shortly after Logan and I broke up, I started dating
Aaron. He and I dated for about four months. All of the time that Sarah and Dad

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have been dating, it has been interesting. I have never been around girls. Especially
in my house. They dated for a while, then she and her kids practically moved in with
us. I have to admit that that has bothered me. I think that they may be very good
for each other, but I don’t think that the way things have been done is a very good
way. I have been taught all of my life that you don’t have sex before you marry
someone, you don’t live with them until you’re married, you don’t drink, and you go
to church every time the doors are open. That is the way that everyone has raised
me. My father though, has not shown me these things since he’s been with Sarah.
I’m not really sure why that is. I don’t know if it’s her, or him, or both of them. I
honestly don’t really care either.

This summer, I thoroughly enjoyed. I felt like Dad may have come to
terms with the fact that I’m growing up and can make pretty good decision. I was
allowed to do almost everything that I wanted, and I figured that would carry over
into my senior year of high school too. As soon as school started though, everything
has felt like it’s been falling apart. During the summer I started talking to once of
my friend’s older brothers, and I really like him. He makes me happy, and I do him.
He’s in the army and stationed in Germany, then he’ll be in Afganistan. My Dad and
I can’t agree on anything, and we annoy the crap out of each other. I’ve been
grounded since school started, and I don’t know when it’s supposed to be over. All
of this has been very tiring, and I really just can’t wait for this school year to be
over. May 20th couldn’t come any faster. I feel like nothing I do is good enough. I tell
him what I feel like he needs to know, and he always wants more. The fact that I
don’t want to tell him all about everything bothers him. No matter how old I get, I
am still the child who doesn’t have to be told anything, and my father is the adult
that is allowed to do whatever he wants. I wish that he would realize I want to be
treated like an adult, but he can’t seem to handle it. So here I sit, in my bed room. A
most confused and annoyed senior in high school. Spilling everything I can think of,
to explain where I am today.

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