CAC ELA Writing Exemplars 2015 Final
CAC ELA Writing Exemplars 2015 Final
CAC ELA Writing Exemplars 2015 Final
Table of Contents
Introduction ................................................................................................................... v
Chapter 1: Tips for Effective Writing Instruction ........................................................ 1
Teach the Writing Process ........................................................................................... 1
Operationalise the Writers Workshop ......................................................................... 4
Use the Writing Portfolio .............................................................................................. 6
Avoid Draft Overkill! ..................................................................................................... 8
Use Constructive Descriptive Feedback .................................................................... 10
Chapter 2: Assessing Students Writing ................................................................... 13
Understanding the CAC Report and Narrative-Descriptive Rubrics ........................... 13
Table 2: Explanation of the Superior Band of the CAC Report Rubric ................. 13
Table 3: Explanation of the Competent Band of the CAC Report Rubric ............. 15
Table 4: Explanation of the Satisfactory Band of the CAC Report Rubric ............ 16
Table 5: Explanation of "Emerging" Band of the CAC Report Rubric ..................... 17
Table 6: Explanation of the "Makes an Attempt" Band of the CAC Report Rubric . 18
Table 7: Explanation of the "Superior" Band of the CAC Narrative-Descriptive
Rubric ..................................................................................................................... 19
Table 8: Explanation of the "Competent" Band of the CAC Narrative-Descriptive
Rubric ..................................................................................................................... 21
Table 9: Explanation of the "Satisfactory" Band of the CAC Narrative-Descriptive
Rubric ..................................................................................................................... 23
Table 10: Explanation of the "Emerging" Band of the CAC Narrative-Descriptive
Rubric ..................................................................................................................... 24
Table 11: Explanation of "Makes Attempt" Band of the Narrative-Descriptive Rubric
............................................................................................................................... 25
Guidelines for the Application of the Rubrics ............................................................. 26
Chapter 3 Exemplars: Report Writing........................................................................ 27
Report Sample 1a (Score of 10) ................................................................................ 28
Introduction
This document was created to provide additional support to teachers preparing students
for writing during the Continuous Assessment Component (CAC) of the Secondary
Entrance Assessment (SEA).
The CAC rubrics for narrative-descriptive and report writing, along with student friendly
checklists have also been provided as additional support for teachers and students.
It is hoped that this document will be useful to teachers as they continue to empower
the budding writers of Standard 4 and 5 to produce their best written pieces.
Brian Clark
Pre-writing
Drafting
Revising
(Making
Publishing
Editing
is not burdensome for both teacher and students. As educators we want our students to
write well, but we also want them to enjoy writing and feel empowered as young,
budding writers. How the writing process is promoted in our classes can either inspire a
powerful generation of authors and poets or kill students enthusiasm and creativity.
The following are some tips and strategies to assist teachers wishing to inspire their
students as they take them through the writing process.
Table 1: Activities Related to the Stages of the Writing Process
Stages in the Writing Process
Pre-Writing
At this stage, students:
Examine the writing task
Consider the purpose for writing
Generate and organize ideas.
Drafting
Related Activities/Strategies
Revising2
At this stage, students:
Re-examine their work, clarify and
refine ideas
In the initial stages of teaching the writing process, consider teaching the students different methods of
prewriting. They can eventually settle on the method they prefer.
2 Some students are capable of revising and editing simultaneously. Others need to revise first and then
edit. Be sensitive to your students needs and abilities.
3 Teach students what is expected in the piece so that they can eventually assess their work and the work
of their peers before it even comes to you. It helps to explore the rubric with them (see Appendices 3 and
5 respectively for student friendly Report and Narrative-Descriptive checklists).
Related Activities/Strategies
Editing
At this stage, students:
address grammatical and
punctuation errors
Publishing
At this stage, students:
share their work with others;
develop confidence in their writing
ability.
Do I need to SUBSTITUTE
something? (e.g. clichs, overused
words)
Have students create proofreading flash cards/bookmarks (see Figure 2). Teach them what the marks
mean and ask them to refer to the card when editing their work and/or the work of their peers. Use the
marks when you are suggesting edits on their drafts.
riters workshop is a time set apart for writing instruction. It simulates the
atmosphere of real writers and helps students see themselves as real
authors. Ideally during these workshops, students actively engage in the
writing process with guidance from the teacher as needed. Since teacher modelling is a
strong feature of writers workshop, it is important for students to see the teacher
actually using the technique that is being taught rather than simply giving a lecture on
what should be done.
Most writers workshops have the same basic format (see Figure 3). Although the time
frames may vary depending on students ability, a good rule of thumb is to devote as
much time to independent writing as is spent on the focus lesson and sharing time
combined.
1. Focus lesson (5-10 minutes): Teacher gives a short lesson to the entire class
that focuses on a specific writing technique/strategy or grammatical structure
to be used within the context of a piece of writing.
2. Independent writing time (20-30 minutes) Students spend time practising
their writing, actively using the technique and others previously taught where
relevant. During this time, the teacher can spend time writing along with the
students or making himself or herself available to conference with students as
they revise and edit their work.
3. Sharing time (5-10 minutes): Students share their writing with their peers and
get responses to their work.
Figure 3: Basic Structure of the Writer's Workshop
The writers workshop can become a time that students enjoy. The following are some
suggestions on how to set up a workshop atmosphere in the classroom.
Prepare yourself
Ensure that you are clear on the requirements of the mode of writing that you will
be exploring during the time period (study the rubrics and other supplementary
material)
4
Think about the layout of your classroom, the available space and how you can
arrange it into a workshop atmosphere that is non-threatening and allows for
easy access to all students
Work out the routines that you need to teach the class in the beginning stages of
the workshop
Decide what material you can make available to the students and what they are
required to bring to the writers workshop for themselves
Create/Acquire:
-
Relevant anchor charts (e.g. the writing process, some main editing
marks)
Word walls (a place in the classroom designated for words that relate
specifically to the task being completed)
A box/basket with writing materials the students may need (e.g. stack of
graphic organisers for planning, extra pencils, erasers for those who may
need, coloured pencils for peer editing)
Format topics/tasks as seen in the English Language Arts (ELA) Manual. The
task must be written clearly at the beginning BEFORE brainstorming and at the
END, at the start of the published piece.
The DATE must be written at the top when a task is started. Record the dates as
writing proceeds. This will indicate the duration of work in progress until a task is
completed.
depends on the number of errors in the piece and the childs willingness to redraft. See page 8 for more details on this.
Some fluent writers may not need to write multiple drafts. Therefore, the revising
and editing stage can be done on one draft and scored. However, the teacher
must indicate this as a comment so that monitors are aware that revising and
editing were completed in that one draft which was scored and used as the
published piece. See page 9 for an example of this.
A published piece must have a score, together with a comment indicating that it
has been selected as the published piece.
Descriptive Feedback (see page 10 for more details) is crucial during the
revising and editing stages, and evidence of this must be present in the
portfolios from the teacher. Students can also include their own thoughts on their
writing in their portfolios.
Identifying the samples
When sample scores are uploaded, ensure that the CORRECT sample pieces
are indicated with the stickers sent by Ministry of Education in the portfolios. The
sticker is to be placed on the published pieces only.
The cover page must show the title of the topic/task and the page numbers of
the pieces to be moderated.
Remember that the writing process will appear differently in students notebooks. Gifted
students may have very little revision and editing to do to a piece and may only need to
substitute a word/phrase or adjust a punctuation mark rather than re-write an entire
piece. Some students may be intrinsically motivated to re-write a piece several times
until it is perfected. Others may find multiple drafts tedious and demotivating.
Struggling students may not have the will or the ability to re-write a piece more
than once especially if the first draft is riddled with multiple corrections and negative
feedback from the teacher.
To this end, it is important to consider the following:
If a student creates a draft that requires revision and editing, s/he may be
encouraged to rewrite that piece with the revisions and edits. Therefore, a
student may have two pieces on a given writing task: one draft and one
published piece on a task.
If the student is inclined towards doing a third or even a fourth improved draft,
s/he may. However, this is not mandatory. Allow students to move on to
another writing task. Their writing
skills will be further developed
when they move on to write
another piece.
Therefore, it is possible for a fluent writer to have ONE piece on which revision
8
and editing have taken place. In cases such as these, the teacher should make
a statement indicating the aforementioned, date and sign the piece.
At the end of each draft, there should be a teachers comment, signature and
date. See Figure 6.
Symbols that indicate positive feedback on an element found in the piece (e.g. ticks,
smiley faces)
Comments that are constructive and suit the age/maturity level of the writers.
Figure 7 gives some further useful tips on descriptive feedback.
Most of the comments in the writing portfolio may be made by the teacher, but suggestions for revisions
and edits may also be made by the students peers if they have been taught how to do so.
10
11
12
he CAC Report rubric and the CAC Narrative-Descriptive rubric (see Appendices
2 and 4 respectively) have been provided to guide teachers and students in the
assessing of reports and narrative-descriptive pieces. In order to bring even
further clarity to the rubrics, explanations of the criteria have been provided in Tables 211.
Table 2: Explanation of the Superior Band of the CAC Report Rubric
CRITERIA
Writing
Process
Superior
10-9
Uses the writing
process
Explanation
Content
Language Use
Uses formal
language that
conveys precise
meaning relevant to
report
13
CRITERIA
Grammar and
Mechanics
Superior
10-9
Effective use of
punctuation, spelling,
capitalisation and
grammar.
Explanation
Organisation
Logical sequencing of
all paragraphs and
details.
Introductory
paragraph is precise
and all relevant
information is
included.
Final paragraph
draws a clear and
effective conclusion
to the report.
Efficient use of
transitional words
and phrases
throughout the report.
14
Writing
Process
Competent
8-7
Uses the writing
process.
Explanation
Content
Based on the task/topic given, the report may omit one or two
important details and/or may include irrelevant details.
Language Use
Uses formal
language
appropriately in
conveying meaning
relevant to report.
The report has a formal tone, but may lapse into the use of
any one/a few of the following:
- Contractions (e.g. cant, wont)
- Emotionally charged words or words that suggest an
opinion (e.g. excellent, huge)
- Figurative language
- Descriptive language that gives sensory details rather
than factual information
Grammar And
Mechanics
Few errors in
punctuation, spelling,
capitalisation and
grammar do not
impede meaning.
Organisation
Logical sequencing of
most paragraphs and
details.
All relevant
information included
in introductory
paragraph.
Final paragraph is
logically connected to
report.
Proficient use of
transitional words
and phrases.
15
Writing
Process
Satisfactory
6-5
Uses the writing
process.
Explanation
Content
Some relevant
details presented.
Language Use
Adequate use of
formal language
relevant to report.
Grammar And
Mechanics
Some errors in
punctuation,
spelling,
capitalisation and
grammar do not
impede meaning.
Organisation
Some logical
sequencing of
paragraphs and
details.
Sufficient relevant
information included
in introductory
paragraph.
Incorrect paragraphing.
A few details missing in the introductory paragraph
Incorrect use of some transitional words and phrases.
Paragraphs that contain more than one idea
Final paragraph
follows report
discussion.
Adequate use of
transitional words
and phrases.
16
Writing
Process
Emerging
4-3
Uses the writing
process.
Explanation
Content
Few, insufficient or
minor details
presented.
Language Use
Insufficient use of
formal language
relevant to report.
Grammar And
Mechanics
Errors in
punctuation,
spelling,
capitalisation, and
grammar impede
meaning.
Organisation
Little evidence of
sequencing of
information.
Insufficient
information in
introductory
paragraph.
Final paragraph is
minimally related to
the report topic.
Some use of
transitional words
and phrases.
17
Table 6: Explanation of the "Makes an Attempt" Band of the CAC Report Rubric
Criteria
Writing
Process
Makes an Attempt
2-1
Uses the writing
process.
Explanation
Content
Unable to find
specific details
relevant to topic.
Language Use
Inability to use
language accurately.
Grammar And
Mechanics
Little or no use of
punctuation,
spelling,
capitalisation and
grammar.
Organisation
Information is not
organised.
Introductory
paragraph is
unclear.
Absence of
concluding
paragraph.
No use of
transitional words
and phrases.
18
WRITING
PROCESS
Superior
10-9
Uses the
writing
process
Explanation
CONTENT
Setting
effectively
established
Plot
effectively
developed in
keeping with
the theme
and task
Characters
effectively
developed
through
description,
action and
dialogue
Students should not be forced to incorporate all of the five senses in the piece.
19
Criteria
LANGUAGE
USE
Superior
10-9
Explanation
Uses vivid
descriptive
language
and sensory
details
Uses
figurative
language
effectively
images,
symbols,
colours
Demonstrate
s command
of sentence
variety and
structure in
conveying
meaning
GRAMMAR
AND
MECHANICS
ORGANISATION
Effective use
of
punctuation,
spelling,
capitalisation
and grammar
Effective
organisation
of ideas and
use of
transitional
words/phrase
s and
paragraphs
Students are not to be forced to use a specific number of figures of speech. These should occur
naturally in the piece.
8 Again, students do not need to count the types of sentences. They are simply expected to use the
appropriate types of sentences for their purpose.
20
Criteria
WRITING
Competent
8-7
Uses the
writing process
Explanation
PROCESS
There is evidence that the student has revised and edited his or her
work either through multiple drafts or one draft depending on
his/her ability or inclination9.
CONTENT
LANGUAGE
USE
Setting well
developed
Plot welldeveloped in
keeping with
theme and
task
Characters
welldeveloped
through
description,
action and/or
dialogue
Uses
appropriate
descriptive
language and
sensory
details
Uses
figurative
language
appropriately
images,
symbols,
colours
Uses varied
sentence
length and
structure to
enhance
meaning
Gifted students may have very little revision and editing to do to a piece and may only need to substitute
a word/phrase or adjust a punctuation mark. Struggling students may not have the will or the ability to rewrite a piece more than once.
21
Criteria
GRAMMAR AND
MECHANICS
ORGANISATION
Competent
8-7
Explanation
Few errors in
punctuation,
spelling,
capitalisation,
and grammar
do not
impede
meaning
The piece may have some grammatical and mechanical errors, but
the reader can still clearly discern the plot, characters and setting.
Wellorganised
ideas using
transitional
words and
paragraphs
22
WRITING
Satisfactory
6-5
Uses the
writing process
Explanation
PROCESS
There is evidence that the student has revised and edited his or her
work either through multiple drafts or one draft depending on
his/her ability or inclination.
CONTENT
LANGUAGE
USE
Fair
development
of setting
Fair
development
of plot in
keeping with
theme
Character
fairly
developed
through
description,
action and or
dialogue
Uses
descriptive
language and
some sensory
details
Uses figurative
language
GRAMMAR AND
MECHANICS
ORGANISATION
Fair use of
sentence
length and
structure
Some errors in
punctuation,
spelling,
capitalisation,
and grammar
impede
meaning
Organises
ideas but
limited
transitional
words and
paragraph
23
Table 10: Explanation of the "Emerging" Band of the CAC Narrative-Descriptive Rubric
Criteria
WRITING
Emerging
4-3
Uses the
writing process
Explanation
PROCESS
There is evidence that the student has revised and edited his or her
work either through multiple drafts or one draft depending on
his/her ability or inclination.
CONTENT
LANGUAGE
Weak attempt
at setting
A weak attempt setting is one where there are very few details
that indicate where and when the story is taking place. There may
be the mention of the time of day and the location of the story but
the reader cannot clearly visualise the scene.
Limited
development
of plot and
theme
Limited
development
of characters
Uses limited
word choice
USE
Uses figurative
language in a
limited way
Uses limited
sentences
with some
sentences runon
GRAMMAR AND
MECHANICS
ORGANISATION
Errors in
punctuation,
spelling,
capitalisation,
and grammar
impede
meaning
Limited
organisation
and use of
transitional
words and
paragraphs
24
Criteria
WRITING
Makes
Attempt
2-1
Uses the
writing process
PROCESS
CONTENT
USE
No real setting
evident
Little or no
development
of plot and
theme
Limited and
repetitive word
choice
Little or no use
of figurative
language
GRAMMAR AND
MECHANICS
ORGANISATION
Neglects
development
of character
LANGUAGE
Explanation
Little or no
variety in
sentences
Little or no use
of punctuation,
spelling,
capitalisation,
and grammar
Little or no
organisation of
ideas
25
Competent
8-7
Satisfactory
6-5
Emerging
4-3
Makes Attempt
2-1
4. Decide on whether to award the lower or the higher mark within the band.
5.
In the Superior band, the essay must meet ALL the descriptors to be awarded a
10. If the piece does not meet all of the descriptors, it is to be awarded a 910.
10
Advanced writers should not be marked down for minor editing errors (e.g. one spelling
error, one missing punctuation mark). It is possible for a student to score a 10 with one minor
grammatical error, if the piece meets all of the descriptors in the Superior band of the rubric.
26
Chapter 3
Exemplars: Report Writing
27
announced a competition for the Standard Four classes entitled Keep Your School
Clean. Each of the two Standard Four classes had two days to clean an assigned
portion of the school grounds. Our teacher Mr Garcia selected me, Sarah Persad, the
Class Perfect of Standard 4 Q to guide the class in planning for and participating in the
activity.
Both classes were given the same rules and all the guidelines which they had to
follow. The first rule was that each class had to clean its half of the school in the allotted
time of two days. No assistance from any other class would be permitted, was the
second rule. The final rule of the competition was that every child from both classes,
unless ill, had to participate. Failure to adhere to these rules would lead to
disqualification.
In preparation for the competition, each child was asked to bring one item of
cleaning supplies from home. I was responsible for assigning which students brought
the tools and equipment necessary for the task. I brought a mini first aid kit just in case
there were any cuts and bruises. Brooms, mops, rakes, buckets and garbage bags were
some of the items that my classmates brought.
On the first day of cleaning, our class focused more on the front part of the
school. We used pointed sticks to pick up garbage and place it into garbage bags. We
also raked up leaves that had fallen from the tree near to the gate. Some children swept
the platform near the office to eliminate the dust. I picked up garbage, but also made
sure that all the students did their jobs and ensured that no one got injured.
28
On day two of the cleaning competition, the class cleaned the courtyard. This
was the last place that needed our attention before we were finished. I again assigned
my classmates their jobs and responsibilities and then we started cleaning. We cleared
garbage that was scattered everywhere first. Next, we swept the two platforms that lined
the walls. After we mopped the platform near the Principals Office, our task was
completed.
The competition was judged by Mrs Ali and Mr Ramon, teachers of the Standard
Three classes. They found that our section was neater and cleaner than the other
assigned area. After our class was announced the winner, we received free ice-cream
from the cafeteria as our reward.
****************************************************************************************************
Comments on Report Sample 1 a:
Sample 1 a
Score: 10 (Superior)
Criteria
Justification
Content
Language Use
29
Sample 1 a
Score: 10 (Superior)
Criteria
Justification
Grammar and
Mechanics
Organisation
30
Include:
-
Names of players who scored goals, received yellow cards and red cards
The results
On Monday 14 April, 2014, the scheduled football match between the Fernando
Primary School team and the High Street Primary School team took place. The
Fernando team arrived at the James Primary School, the venue for the match, at nine o
clock in the morning. Their coach, Mr. Barry Boodram, went to the referee and
introduced himself. After the introduction, the team changed into their football uniform
and started their warm up activities.
Before the start of the match, the referee called the two teams together for the
introduction of the players. The captains were then called to do the coin toss. Harry
Roopchan, the Fernando team captain, won the toss and chose to take the ball. The
High Street captain selected the goal post on the left side of the field. The match
commenced at exactly ten o clock.
Early in the game, two incidents of aggressive play caused reactions from the
spectators.
In the tenth minute of the first half, one of the Fernando players, Tim
James, was kicked by John Smith, a High Street player. The referee issued a yellow
card to Smith. When play continued, another foul was committed by Smith against Ian
Maraj. The referee then presented another yellow card and then a red card to John
Smith who had to leave the field. In the fifteenth minute, Harry Roopchan scored a goal
from a free-kick. At the end of the first half, the Fernando team remained in the lead with
one goal to zero.
During the half-time break, Coach Boodram congratulated the players for their
demonstration of skill and for scoring the goal. He advised the team to continue using
31
the same strategy that they used in the first half. The referees whistle then signalled the
beginning of the second half.
The match resumed at approximately ten forty-five. In the thirty-fifth minute of the
game, Joseph Thomas, a High Street player scored an equalising goal. Ten minutes
later, Andrew Khan, a Fernando player, scored the second goal for his team. The game
ended with the Fernando team winning two goals to one.
After the game, both teams shook hands, engaged in warm-down activities,
showered, changed and then returned to their schools. On arrival, the Fernando team
was called to the assembly and congratulated on their victory. The principal also treated
the team to a special lunch.
****************************************************************************************************
Comments on Report Sample 1 b:
Sample 1 b
Score: 10 (Superior)
Criteria
Justification
Content
32
Sample 1 b
Score: 10 (Superior)
Criteria
Justification
Language Use
Grammar and
Mechanics
Organisation
33
The Keep Your School Clean Competition took place at The Happy Hills
Primary School compound11. This began on May 14, 2014 at 9:00 a.m. and ended on
June 9, 2014 at 10:30 a.m. All twenty-eight classes in the school were divided into
three sections. These were The Infants (Second Year and First Year), The Juniors
(Std. 1 and Std. 2) and The Seniors (Std. 3, Std. 4 and Std.5).
Each class made and decorated their very own posters. However, no glitter or
sequins were allowed to be used on the students posters. Parental guidance was not
advised and a child must be at least five years of age to be in the school competition.
There was to be no destroying or picking of the ornamental flowers and plants.
Every class approximated to 15 boys and 16 girls which gave a total of 31 pupils
in each class. The class of Std. 4 A.L. contained 18 boys and 16 girls which added up
the 37 students in that particular class.
All of the classes were provided with the necessary equipment such as shovels,
gloves, dust masks and garbage bags. In order to perform the task of cleaning the
school, the students had to wear the proper attire such as sneakers, dusk masks,
gloves and aprons.
Std. 4 A.L. carried garbage bags outside every lunch break to clean up the
compound and the church yard. Posters illustrated with taking garbage bins and bottles
were put up on all classroom doors and cafeteria doors. They also planted several
trees and flowers and marked the class name on the signs to beautify the schools
grass patches. The class also encouraged other pupils to pick up any loose garbage
round them and put the wrappers and bottles in the bins. They also made sure to bring
personal garbage in.
11
34
On June 9, 2014 at 10:30 a.m. all the students were called to the church hall for
the winning class to be announced. As everyone settled down in their seats, Ms. Anna
Lambert walked onto the stage and addressed the school. She pulled out an envelope
enclosed with the name of the winning class. She slowly opened the note and read the
class. Std. 4 A.L. won the prize. The class teacher, Mr. Shane Gosine accepted the
prize while the class cheered with joy.
The class was awarded with trophy engraved with the name of the class and
competition. The following day, they received pizza and drinks.
The Keep Your School Clean project was done all around the country by
students of the age limits. Most schools won interesting prizes. The competition did not
only teach the students about winning or losing, but also about cooperation and
teamwork.
****************************************************************************************************
Comments on Report Sample 2:
Sample 2
Score: 9 (Superior)
Criteria
Justification
Content
35
Sample 2
Score: 9 (Superior)
Criteria
Justification
Language Use
Grammar and
Mechanics
These
were
The
Infants
(Second Year and First Year), The
Juniors (Std. 1 and Std. 2) and The
Seniors (Std. 3, Std. 4 and Std.5).
Each class made and decorated their
very own posters.
Organisation
36
Task: You were a member of the team that represented your school the District Sports
Day. Write a report to your principal of that days activities.
Include:
-
Sports Day, which was held at Mannie Ramjohn Stadium. The Sports Day commenced
at approximately 9:00 am.
Our team was named team Orchid and they were dressed in the colour purple.
The other teams that participated were Rose, Hibiscus, Buttercup and Tulip. First, the
March Past took place, followed by the Tug of War, then, the three legged race took
place, after, the schools participated in the Obstacle race, next, the runners took part in
the Running event, soon after, the Egg and Spoon race occurred, after, the sack race
took place and the last event was the Relay race.
During the relay race, team Roses member, Billy Star, tripped team Buttercups
member Viren Rampersad. Viren fell on the concrete and sprained his ankle. The
commentator stopped the race and sent the Red Cross to administer first aid. Team
Rose was disqualified for causing Viren to sprain his ankle. The substitute went in place
of Viren and the race was done over. Eventually, team Buttercup won the race. After the
races, all the teams sat down and ate lunch at 4:00 pm.
Finally, the results were announced. Team Buttercup prevailed, getting first
place. Team Orchid came second, team Tulip came third place, team Hibiscus placed
fourth and team Rose came fifth. The teams collected their trophies and medals and the
Sports Day concluded at 7:00 pm with fireworks.
37
Justification
Content
Language Use
Grammar and
Mechanics
38
Sample 3
Score: 8 (Competent)
Criteria
Justification
Organisation
39
12
40
Justification
Content
Language Use
Grammar and
Mechanics
41
Sample 4
Score: 7 (Competent)
Criteria
Justification
42
Justification
Content
43
Sample 5
Score: 6 (Satisfactory)
Criteria
Justification
Language Use
Grammar and
Mechanics
Organisation
44
Sample 5
Score: 6 (Satisfactory)
Criteria
Justification
45
Injury sustained
46
Justification
Content
distracted
unexpectedly collided with Tom
Language Use
Grammar and
Mechanics
Descriptive language
Adverbs which may suggest an
opinion
Words, phrases and sentence
structure which lends itself to a
plot or narrative.
Organisation
47
Sample 6
Score: 5 (Satisfactory)
Criteria
Justification
48
Injury sustained.
playing football.
They were playing , football, Tom and Jerry scored two goals each. After a while
Tom deceided to tackle Jerry. When he tackled Jerry, Jerry fell down. Tom went look for
the Red Cross teacher. Finally Tom found the Red Cross teacher. When she arrived to
Jerry, she took him to the sick room. She called an ambulance and Jerry was taken to
the hospital.
The next day Tom was called to the office. They told him he was suspended and
the school was warned about misbehairoror.
****************************************************************************************************
Comments on Report Sample 7:
Sample 7
Score: 4 (Emerging)
Criteria
Justification
Content
Language Use
.
49
Sample 7
Score: 4 (Emerging)
Criteria
Justification
Grammar and
Mechanics
Deceided
Misbehairoror
While they were playing , football,
Tom went look for the Red Cross
teacher.
Finally Tom found the Red Cross
teacher.
Organisation
50
4 alter Trise
Pt
25 febury 2013.
de prinspl
san skool.
on the skulyrd four girls was from the standad Four clas the girls was dendra, caniece,
karshma and stefani., Dey was playin on de skoolyrd an de skoolyrd was croded with
Difernt clas. karshma had de ball.
hapn on san baleek skoolyrd an report on inseedent wich was bitn karshmar mahardao
an stefne ramdas ,
Dey was karshma Mahadeo and stefne ramdass. dey wur for gyirlz
wur playin baskit ball , then one run an met de oder one an she fall down an she bawl
like a cow and dey run and call amblance fo she an she mudder come quick like litnin
*************************************************************************************
51
Justification
Content
Language Use
Grammar and
Mechanics
Organisation
13
This report reflects some awareness of report structure. A teacher or tutor can definitely help this writer
to become more intelligible if focused attention is paid to spelling and sentence construction.
52
*************************************************************************************
Comments on Report sample 9
Sample 9
Score: 2 (Makes an Attempt)14
Criteria
Justification
Content
Language Use
Grammar and
Mechanics
Organisation
It must be mentioned that this students work is evidence of the need for an assessment to be made by
the Students Support Services Division (SSSD).
14
53
Manaay efer non wbon I wont to sookboragh to do shopping with asr rt tr cangive him
sonfe and Paniun grg min a
He started ?o at meas I did not answer to bocane ver angry bega be disre
pootrw and ven Fry to , hrow rasn ar me avezo his boavioar.
Evnt yally someone camed thoro, aand zhes orinoe rim ano tid hin t osaw
there is carry uhich he did o1o I acProd his Disy drd ouo ?ur sorry for him a The end
*************************************************************************************
Comments for Sample 10:
Sample 10
Score: 1 (Makes an Attempt)
Criteria
Justification
Content
Language Use
Grammar and
Mechanics
It must be mentioned that this students work is evidence of the need for an assessment to be made by
the Students Support Services Division (SSSD).
15
54
Sample 10
Score: 1 (Makes an Attempt)
Criteria
Justification
Organisation
55
Chapter 4
Exemplars: Narrative-Descriptive Writing
56
how old it was on the inside, and it creaked with every move. We talked a little but in
general we just admired the glistening blue sea. After a while, the waves became
choppy, and, cracking open my eyes from a restful state, I gasped at the horror in front
of me. Not only had we drifted, but a giant wave was upon us. It began to grow and
grow, towering over us. Before I could even think of warning Liam, we were swept under
the pillar of blue.
The sudden and immense cold had knocked all my breath away. I felt an
otherworldly push ram us further and further, the current of the wave carrying it with us.
I felt the boat buckle and shatter into oblivion as we slammed against something hard
and sandy. I gasped for air, as did Liam, who was sprawled next to the remains of the
boat that separated us. Groaning he said, Lets nevereverdo that again. I
coughed in agreement and limped back to our merry parents.
If theres anything to learn from this beside never riding in old boat, its that
curiosity kills the cat. I just hope the incident left us with enough sense to never do
anything like that ever again.
****************************************************************************************************
Comments for Narrative-Descriptive sample 1 a
Sample 1 a
Score: 10 (Superior)16
Criteria
Justification
CONTENT
(Setting, Plot,
Characters)
Setting
A piece that scores a 10 is relative to the age of the writer -- that which is deemed superior in
manipulating language for a young writer of that age. Therefore, though not flawless, a piece like this is
scored 10 marks.
58
Sample 1 a
Score: 10 (Superior)16
Criteria
Justification
LANGUAGE USE
GRAMMAR
AND MECHANICS
ORGANISATION
59
Sample 1 a
Score: 10 (Superior)16
Criteria
Justification
-
60
The Temptation
Walking along Kane Street every afternoon on our way home from school, my
friend Nick and I would always observe the abandoned looking building with a Julie
mango tree, laden with mangoes looking juicy and delicious. Living in that building
however, was Mr. Creaton. Everyone knew the rumour about him. The rumour was that
he would sit and draw characters and it was believed that if he drew you, you would
somehow die suddenly.
Day after day we eagerly threw stones at the mangoes to see if any would fall
our way but we failed at our attempts. Unable to stand the temptation any longer we
decided to steal the mangoes instead and mustered up the courage to scale the fence.
While trying to do so, my skirt got caught in the fence and ripped. Nick had to pull me
over with all his might and accidently threw me on the ground on my butt. I jumped up
quickly and dusted off myself because I had a mission to fulfill.
Our mouths watered uncontrollably as our eyes were fixed on the ripe mangoes.
The number of thick leaves on the tree blocked our clear view so we didnt see the
sleeping bats as we climbed up the tree towards our prize. Suddenly, out of nowhere
the bats zoomed in and attacked us. We screamed in terror and jumped to the bottom of
the tree. I fell on my knees and blood instantly flowed from them. Nick fell on his all
fours but did not get any cuts because of his long pants. We ran for our lives trying to
find an exit out of the compound, but stumbled upon the scary looking Mr. Creaton
instead.
Mr. Creaton was a mean looking man who had a bean-shaped face with a huge
scar on the left side of it as though he was a Carib warrior. He was brown skinned and
very tacky looking. He came closer and closer as if to grab us. I could see his brows
were drawn in a frown as his eyes ran up and down us searching from side to side and
61
forward, checking off every item in view. As I noticed this, a chill struck through me and I
froze. Mr. Creaton shouted at us, Leave the compound at once or I would call the
police! We told him how sorry we were and begged for his mercy.
His voice was rough, commanding us never to set foot on the property again.
Nick and I shook like leaves on a windy day. How could we be in such a dilemma? He
held us by our collars and threw us bodily out the yard but we held onto our bags full of
Julie Mangoes. We quickly scurried away from him. Once we got out of the compound
we vowed never to enter in there again and prayed that Mr. Creaton would not
remember what we looked like to draw us. Soon we were on our way home, afraid to
face our parents and explain to them why our uniforms were such a mess. That would
be a whole different story.
****************************************************************************************************
Comments for Narrative-Descriptive Sample 1 b
Score: 10 (Superior)
Sample 1 b
Score: 10
Criteria
Justification
Content
Setting
62
Sample 1 b
Score: 10
Criteria
Justification
Characters
Grammar and
Mechanics
63
Sample 1 b
Score: 10
Criteria
Justification
Organisation
64
I can still remember that particular day as the cruel visions still haunt my
memories of my little friend Jerry being beaten by that villan Tom.
On that specific Saturday morning the sky was covered in a blanket of pitch
darkness. The rain began descending like a million arrows and the lightning lashed out
with anger and on that day it looked like the sun refused to shine on the village of
Tortuga. The atmosphere was willed with melancholy and despondency.
As I walked through the rain, sounds of whimpering could be heard from a dark,
dreary street corner. When I took a peek I saw the black and white Dalmation. He was
malnourished and mangy and was so weak he howled whenever the droplets splashed
on him. When I looked into those ruby red eyes it displayed fear, hunger and lonliness.
When he looked into my eyes we had a special connection. I was scared as a mouse to
pick him but when I did he whimpered and I comforted him.
Upon arriving at home I decided to name the dog. I pondered and pondered until
I decided to call him Jerry. I then placed him on a cushion and dashed to the kitchen to
get him food and water, then Mummy took Jerry the vet for a check-up.
The early morning sun shone with all its glory. It was a beautiful Sunday to take
Jerry for a stroll. We then sat under the silk cotton tree in the park. Suddenly a cold chill
ran down my spine so I knew that the vagabond Tom was approaching. In the distance I
saw him coming with stones in his hands. When he was upon me I asked, Hey Tom.
He pushed me away and screamed at Jerry. He then stepped on Jerrys tail and began
throwing stones at Jerry. Jerry howled in pain and dragged himself under the tree. I
pleaded to Tom, Please stop but he only screamed, I hate dogs! Agony filled my
65
Justification
CONTENT
Setting
Plot
66
Sample 2 a
Score: 9 (Superior)
Criteria
Justification
Characters
of
dark,
GRAMMAR
AND MECHANICS
ORGANISATION
67
At lunch time, I needed a drink so I went back to the cafeteria. I opened my wallet
to pay for the drink but there was no money in my wallet. I stood frozen in fear.
Oh no, where did I put that money. I cant believe that it is lost. I cried. An older
girl standing at the back of me realised I couldnt pay for my drink. She paid for it and
consoled me. She encouraged me to look for it and promised to help. We searched my
bag, through my books and in the classroom. I had no idea where my money could
have gone. We told our teachers and the principal. They asked everyone to search their
bags. The money was nowhere to be found.
I felt sick as I left for home that afternoon. I did not know what to tell my parents.
They were not upset but I cried myself to sleep that night. My parents trusted me to be
responsible and I let them down.
****************************************************************************************************
Comments on Narrative-Descriptive Sample 2 b:
Sample 2 b
Score: 9 (Superior)
Criteria
Justification
CONTENT
Setting
Plot
The story is about a child who is
given the gift of money for academic
success. She takes a hundred dollar
bill to school, but loses her wallet
and goes home guilt ridden and
depressed. The climax could have
been more fully developed.
Characters
The characters are generally well
developed, although more physical
description could have been
69
Sample 2 b
Score: 9 (Superior)
Criteria
Justification
GRAMMAR
AND MECHANICS
ORGANISATION
70
The next day, at lunch, we were ready to proceed with our plan. We were well
hidden. We told Diane not to tell anyone that we were there or what we were doing. The
minutes ticked by slowly. Children came into the class and went back out without even
touching the cupcake we had placed on a desk. It felt as if fifty years had passed. The
bell rang and still, no one had come.
That was a complete waste of my time, said Destiny.
All we need is a better plan, said Jaycel, and I know what to do. Dont ask
because Im not telling you.
We proceeded to our lines and when we arrived back inside, we were astonished
to see that the cupcakes had vanished into thin air.
That is one fast thief! I said to myself. II was filled with suspence. Jaycel
sounded as if her new plan was guaranteed to work.
The next day, Jaycel said that she expected to catch the thief at twelve noon.
She said that she will handle everything. At lunch, Jaycel, Destiny and I went outside.
We stayed near the class but away from the places the thief may see us. Jaycel had
carried some sort of gadget with her. She peeped through a space where she could see
in but no one could see out. After a short time she told use what she saw.
The thief, Diane, she said. I saw her with my own eyes.
We went inside and approached her. She seemed to know why we were coming
because when she saw us, she got up and ran out of the class. We ran after her. I
hadnt known that she could run so fast. After a long chase and dodging obstacles, we
finally conered her.
At the end of lunch, we told our teacher that we had caught the thief. At first,
Diane objected having anything to do with but she cut clean and admitted it was her.
Her parents were called and she was punished, both at home and at school. She
promised that she would try her best and never steal again.
****************************************************************************************************
72
Justification
CONTENT
(Setting, Plot,
Character)
Setting
Characters
The development of the narrator and
her friends as characters occur through
their action and dialogue. Through
these, they resolve to unearth the
identity of the thief. Their actions reveal
their determination to discover the thief
and solve the mystery in their
classroom.
73
Sample 3
Score: 8 (Competent)
Criteria
Justification
LANGUAGE USE
ORGANISATION
74
until finally
at first
the next day
after a short time
At the end of lunch
75
Frank ran up to jump kick me, but I was not afraid because if you have fear in
you, you cant attack or defend yourself. I blocked the kick with my hand and punched
him with my left hand then right, then a front and side kick to him.
Finally I tripped him and put my foot on him and told him that this was the pain
children endured from him. As he said sorry that he had hurt everyone and that he just
wanted a friend to play with. I felt sorry for him so I decided to try to be his friend.
We went for Jerry and he agreed to be his friend too, so we hung out and looked
out for each other and became best friends forever. His behaviour changed very much
though. He helped, cared and was kind to children and he never got into trouble ever
again.
****************************************************************************************************
Comments on Narrative-Descriptive Sample 4
Sample 4
Score: 7 (Competent)
Criteria
Justification
CONTENT
Character
There is no physical description of the
characters, but Franks actions and
dialogue reveal him to be a bully and
the narrators actions reveal him to be
initially afraid of Frank, but strong
enough to stand up for his friends.
The main character also reveals himself
to be a brave person who is willing to
stand up to Frank.
76
Sample 4
Score: 7 (Competent)
Criteria
Justification
Plot
The writer establishes that the action is
taking place at lunch time at school and
introduces Franks character as a bully.
There is rising action when the writer
observes Frank kicking his friend and
hatches a plan to distract him. A literal
conflict occurs between Frank and the
narrator when he throws a stone at
Frank, taunts him and runs. Their battle
rises to a climax when the two face
each other the narrator defeats Frank.
The story is resolved when Frank
confesses that he just wanted friends.
The resolution (bully suddenly
transformed into a helpful, caring friend)
is implausible.
LANGUAGE USE
GRAMMAR
AND MECHANICS
ORGANISATION
77
How the characters felt as they watched what the fire was doing.
78
Justification
Setting
The reader gets a fair idea where and
when the story takes place. More
details would have enhanced the
setting.
Plot
The plot is simple and could have
benefited from a stronger climax and
resolution. It begins with Jack and his
friends playing on a windy day. Jack, is
unable to find his friends and is soon
called by his mother to rake the leaves
in the yard. Jack rakes the leaves into a
heap and lights the heap. The fire rages
out of control, but the police department
is called and prevents it from destroying
the house.
Character
The story is told by the main character
Jack. There is mention of two friends at
the beginning of the story, but they
quickly disappear during the game and
are never discussed again. Jacks
mother is also mentioned.
There is no physical description of any
of the characters and the only evidence
of dialogue is the boys utterance of
humtey dumtey sat on a wall at the
beginning of the story.
The characters feelings are described,
but in a very matter of fact way.
79
Sample 5
Score: 6 (Satisfactory)
Criteria
Justification
Language Use
ORGANISATION
80
That wonderful, Monday morning the fury of the sun was shinning like sparkles
on the water. The trees and flowers sprung up like a water fountain. sweet music to my
ears, the birds was chirping melodiously.
My friend and my best friend Elijah was sitting underneath a big tall cherry tree in
the school yard. Elijah and I were playing a game of marbles pitch. While we were
playing pitch I saw big mapipi that had fallen from the tree. It was big, long and its
colours was black and red. I shouted to Elijah Snake!, snake, all of my friends started
screaming like girls and scampering like crazy ants around the school yard. My heart
was beating like hundreds of horses galloping
It was a pure wild
confusion in the schoolyard because everybody was screaming and scampering.
Suddenly I saw one of my friends Randy he was running to go out and get something, I
asked him where he was going? And he said I can't talk right now, about 2 minutes
later I saw randy coming like a bolt of lightning with a gigantic piece of wood. I saw him
walked to the snake and raise the wood high and slammed it on its head. The snake
head was flat and bleed like the amazon river rushing to the sea. We were all relieved
the snake was dead. From that day on everyone learned to be cautious where you are.
****************************************************************************************************
81
Justification
CONTENT
Setting
The reader gets a clear sense of the
time and place of the story.
Character
The name of the human characters are
mentioned, but there is no physical
description of any of them.
The snake is described.
Plot
There is some exposition when the
setting is established and the
characters are introduced, playing a
game of pitch. The rising action and
conflict were limited (the entrance of the
snake and everyones reaction to it).
The climax and ending (the killing of the
snake and everyones relief) could have
been further developed.
LANGUAGE USE
82
Sample 6
Score: 5 (Satisfactory)
Criteria
Justification
GRAMMAR
AND MECHANICS
ORGANISATION
83
84
after him. When I was walking behind him I just saw the big bad lazy dog named acer
run toward me so I just take the plastic hotdog out of my waste and I throw it in his
mouth. and all his teeth stuck together and when I found the money I was so happy the
buy the phone I had named , Sam Sung Galaxy S III. After I bought the phone I had an
extre 1000 dollars for myself.
The following week when I went in school with it. When everyone saw me with it
they started to talk to me and I was not anymore nerd in school and I was so happy to
see them liming with me and my teacher was so, so shock.
****************************************************************************************************
Comments for Narrative-Descriptive Sample 7:
Sample 7
Score: 4 (Emerging)
Criteria
Justification
CONTENT
(Setting, Plot,
Character)
Setting
Plot
The exposition, conflict, rising action
and resolution are not developed in the
story. The piece reads like a rushed
report of events.
Characters
Characters are mentioned, but they are
not physically described. Dialogue is
present but limited. There is limited
description of the main characters
feelings.
85
Sample 7
Score: 4 (Emerging)
Criteria
Justification
LANGUAGE USE
GRAMMAR
AND MECHANICS
ORGANISATION
86
87
Justification
CONTENT
Setting
Characters
Characters are mentioned, but they are
not physically described. Dialogue is
masked in reported speech.
Plot
The exposition, conflict, rising action
and resolution are not developed in the
story. The piece reads like a rushed
report of events.
LANGUAGE USE
GRAMMAR
AND MECHANICS
88
Sample 8
Score: 3
Criteria
Justification
sentences.
ORGANISATION
89
It was a gloomy day, and we had gone to the bank, to withdraw some money. Suddenly,
ot the bank two masked men entered the bank and sais get on the grund. Ben one of
the men see , one of the men trying to be hem get hot wat a hun., Then one of the men
jump on the cutr wete a black , garbage bag and then he , tole the bank lady to give.
hem , all the money, and My Mother and I was still on the grund and then the men was
going out of the bank . Now eueryone is okay. Press the alarm and then the police
arther , at the bank. Radrey and my mother and I was wete howe.
****************************************************************************************************
Comments for Narrative-Descriptive Sample 9
Sample 9
Score: 2 (Makes an Attempt)
Criteria
Justification
CONTENT
Setting
90
Sample 9
Score: 2 (Makes an Attempt)
Criteria
Justification
Character
LANGUAGE USE
GRAMMAR
AND MECHANICS
ORGANISATION
91
the Day I Auve in stranwe I wes sad a man push me in szaoe Bush that had Plenty
smoroord a lot of insect and was aft and I wars arald Th at he waes ging to kill me so I
waos sstard sreaming and people come running.
The entire heig bor moed come to happy to happy that I was so happy tha I was aett
ingnoip From The star running so fast The they could har carch him
Thern cod those peple came Tumy resud I am sofe Tho day I an able to tell the tore ar
my enper in?s a cana That h?u net
****************************************************************************************************
Comments for Narrative-Descriptive Sample 10
Sample 10
Score: 1 (Makes an Attempt)
Criteria
Justification
CONTENT
Setting
No setting is evident.
Plot
No plot is discernible.
Character
There is mention of a man, an insect
and people, but no characters are
developed in any way.
LANGUAGE USE
GRAMMAR
AND MECHANICS
ORGANISATION
92
NARRATIVE (CREATIVE)
EXPOSITORY (FACTUAL)
CONTENT: Elements of
CONTENT: 5 W's + H
STRUCTURE:
Pay attention
to:
- Spelling
- Grammar
- Mechanics
- Punctuation - Paragraphing
93
Superior
10-9
Competent
8-7
Satisfactory
6-5
Emerging
4-3
Makes an Attempt
2-1
Writing
Process
Content
Few, insufficient or
minor details
presented.
Unable to find
specific details
relevant to topic.
Language Use
Insufficient use of
formal language
relevant to report.
Inability to use
language accurately.
Some errors in
punctuation, spelling,
capitalisation and
grammar do not impede
meaning.
Some logical
sequencing of
paragraphs and details.
Errors in punctuation,
spelling, capitalisation,
and grammar impede
meaning.
Little or no use of
punctuation, spelling,
capitalisation and
grammar.
Little evidence of
sequencing of
information.
Insufficient information
in introductory
paragraph.
Information is not
organised.
Grammar And
Mechanics
Sufficient relevant
information included in
introductory paragraph.
Final paragraph follows
report discussion.
Adequate use of
transitional words and
phrases.
94
Final paragraph is
minimally related to the
report topic.
Some use of
transitional words and
phrases.
Introductory
paragraph is unclear.
Absence of
concluding
paragraph.
No use of transitional
words and phrases.
CONTENT
I have provided all of information that is required (what happened, how it happened, who was
involved, where it happened, and when it happened).
LANGUAGE USE
I used formal language throughout my report.
ORGANISATION
I have a clear introduction, body and conclusion
My introductory paragraph summarises:
What happened
Who was involved
Where the incident occurred
When it occurred
The body of my report sequences all of my ideas so that my reader can easily understand
them.
I used appropriate transitional words and phrases to link my ideas.
My final paragraph draws a clear conclusion to my report.
95
Competent
8-7
Satisfactory
6-5
Emerging
4-3
Makes Attempt
2-1
WRITING
PROCESS
CONTENT
LANGUAGE USE
GRAMMAR AND
MECHANICS
ORGANISATION
Setting effectively
established
Plot effectively
developed in keeping
with the theme and task
Plot well-developed in
keeping with theme
and task
Characters effectively
developed through
description, action and
dialogue
Characters well
developed through
description, action and/
or dialogue
Uses appropriate
descriptive language
and sensory details
Uses figurative
language appropriately
images, symbols,
colours
Uses varied sentence
length and structure to
enhance meaning
Demonstrates command
of sentence variety and
structure in conveying
meaning
Effective use of
punctuation, spelling,
capitalisation, and
grammar
Effective organisation of
ideas and use of
transitional
words/phrases and
paragraphs
Few errors in
punctuation, spelling,
capitalisation, and
grammar do not
impede meaning
Well-organised ideas
using transitional words
and paragraphs
Limited development of
plot and theme
Little or no development
of plot and theme
Limited development of
characters
Neglects development of
character
Little or no use of
figurative language
Little or no variety in
sentences
Errors in punctuation,
spelling, capitalisation, and
grammar impede meaning
Little or no use of
punctuation, spelling,
capitalisation, and
grammar
Little or no organisation
of ideas
96
CONTENT
I have described the time and place so that my reader can clearly picture them.
I developed characters through descriptions, dialogue and action.
My story has an exposition, conflict, climax and resolution.
My story is interesting.
LANGUAGE USE
I used vivid descriptive language and details that appeal to the senses.
I used figurative language effectively-images, symbols and colours.
I used different types of sentences to make my writing more interesting.
ORGANISATION
I created a clear and interesting beginning, middle and end.
I organised ideas effectively using transitional words and phrases.
I used paragraphs correctly.
97