Untitled
Untitled
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BODY
I S S AY I N G
An Ex-FBI Agents Guide
to Speed-Reading People
JOE NAVARRO
FBI Special Agent (Ret.)
CONTENTS
ONE
TWO
THREE
FOUR
FIVE
SIX
vi
x
21
53
85
109
133
CONTENTS
SEVEN
165
EIGHT
205
233
Bibliography
235
Index
239
NINE
FOREWORD
I See What
Youre Thinking
Marvin Karlins, Ph.D.
he man sat stoically at one end of the table, carefully crafting his
replies to the FBI agents inquiries. He wasnt considered a major
suspect in the murder case. His alibi was believable and he sounded
sincere, but the agent pressed on nevertheless. With the suspects consent,
he was asked a series of questions about the murder weapon:
If you had committed this crime, would you have used a gun?
If you had committed this crime, would you have used a knife?
If you had committed this crime, would you have used an ice pick?
If you had committed this crime, would you have used a hammer?
One of the weapons, the ice pick, had actually been used in the
commission of the crime, but that information had been kept from the
public. Thus, only the killer would know which object was the real
murder weapon. As the FBI agent went down the list of weapons, he
vii
FOREWORD
observed the suspect carefully. When the ice pick was mentioned, the
mans eyelids came down hard and stayed down until the next weapon
was named. The agent instantly understood the significance of the
eyelid behavior he had witnessed, and from that moment forward the
minor suspect became the primary person of interest in the investigation. He later confessed to the crime.
Chalk one up for Joe Navarro, a remarkable human being who, in
addition to unmasking the ice-pick killer, is credited with catching scores
of criminals, including master spies, in a distinguished twenty-fiveyear career with the FBI. How was he able to do this? If you asked him,
he quietly would say, I owe it to being able to read people.
Joe, it turns out, has spent his entire professional life studying, refining, and applying the science of nonverbal communicationsfacial expressions, gestures, physical movements (kinesics), body distance
(proxemics), touching (haptics), posture, even clothingto decipher what
people are thinking, how they intend to act, and whether their pronouncements are true or false. This is not good news for criminals, terrorists, and spies, who, under his careful scrutiny, usually give off more
than enough nonverbal body signals (tells) to make their thoughts and
intentions transparent and detectable.
It is, however, very good news for you, the reader, because the very
same nonverbal knowledge Joe relied on to become a master Spycatcher,
human lie detector, and instructor at the FBI is what he will be sharing
with you so you can better understand the feelings, thoughts, and intentions of those around you. As a renowned author and educator, Joe will
teach you how to observe like an expert, detecting and deciphering the
nonverbal behaviors of others so you can interact with them more successfully. For business or for pleasure, this knowledge will enrich and
magnify your life.
Much of what Joe will be sharing with you in this book was not even
recognized fifteen years ago by the scientific community. It is only
through recent advances in brain-scan technology and neural imaging
that scientists have been able to establish the validity of the behaviors Joe
will be describing. Drawing from the latest discoveries in psychology,
FOREWORD
viii
ix
FOREWORD
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
xi
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
xii
xiii
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
There is an old Latin saying, Qui docet, discit (He who teaches,
learns). In many ways, writing is no different; it is a process of learning
and discerning, which at the end of the day has been a pleasure. It is my
hope that when you come to the end of this book, you too will have
gained a profound knowledge of how we communicate nonverbally
and that your life will be enriched, as mine has been, by knowing what
every body is saying.
Joe Navarro
Tampa, Florida
August 2007
ONE
W H AT E V E R Y B O D Y I S S A Y I N G
BOX 1:
W H AT E V E R Y B O D Y I S S A Y I N G
touching (haptics), physical movements (kinesics), posture, body adornment (clothes, jewelry, hairstyle, tattoos, etc.), and even the tone, timbre,
and volume of an individuals voice (rather than spoken content).
Nonverbal behaviors comprise approximately 60 to 65 percent of all
interpersonal communication and, during lovemaking, can constitute
100 percent of communication between partners (Burgoon, 1994,
229285).
Nonverbal communication can also reveal a persons true thoughts,
feelings, and intentions. For this reason, nonverbal behaviors are sometimes referred to as tells (they tell us about the persons true state of
mind). Because people are not always aware they are communicating
nonverbally, body language is often more honest than an individuals
verbal pronouncements, which are consciously crafted to accomplish the
speakers objectives (see box 2).
BOX 2:
W H AT E V E R Y B O D Y I S S A Y I N G
BOX 3:
W H AT E V E R Y B O D Y I S S A Y I N G
I was arguing with this guy and out of nowhere he sucker punched
me. I never saw it coming.
I thought the boss was pretty happy with my job performance. I
had no idea I was going to be fired.
These are the kinds of statements made by men and women who have
never learned how to observe the world around them effectively. Such inadequacies are not surprising, really. After all, as we grow from children
to adults, were never instructed on how to observe the nonverbal clues of
others. There are no classes in elementary school, high school, or college
that teach people situational awareness. If youre lucky, you teach yourself
to be more observant. If you dont, you miss out on an incredible amount
of useful information that could help you avoid problems and make your
life more fulfilling, be it when dating, at work, or with family.
Fortunately, observation is a skill that can be learned. We dont have to
go through life being blindsided. Furthermore, because it is a skill, we can
get better at it with the right kind of training and practice. If you are observationally challenged, do not despair. You can overcome your weakness in this area if you are willing to devote time and effort to observing
your world more conscientiously.
What you need to do is make observationconcerted observationa
way of life. Becoming aware of the world around you is not a passive act.
It is a conscious, deliberate behaviorsomething that takes effort, energy, and concentration to achieve, and constant practice to maintain.
Observation is like a muscle. It grows stronger with use and atrophies
without use. Exercise your observation muscle and you will become a
more powerful decoder of the world around you.
By the way, when I speak of concerted observation, I am asking you to
utilize all your senses, not just your sense of sight. Whenever I walk into
my apartment, I take a deep breath. If things dont smell normal I become concerned. One time I detected the slight odor of lingering cigarette smoke when I returned home from a trip. My nose alerted me to
possible danger well before my eyes could scan my apartment. It turned
10
W H AT E V E R Y B O D Y I S S A Y I N G
out that the apartment maintenance man had been by to fix a leaky pipe,
and the smoke on his clothes and skin were still lingering in the air several hours later. Fortunately, he was a welcome intruder, but there could
just as easily have been a burglar lurking in the next room. The point is,
by using all my senses, I was better able to assess my environment and
contribute to my own safety and well-being.
Commandment 2: Observing in context is key to understanding
nonverbal behavior. When trying to understand nonverbal behavior in
real-life situations, the more you understand the context in which it takes
place, the better you will be at understanding what it means. For example, after a traffic accident, I expect people to be in shock and to walk
around looking dazed. I expect their hands to shake and even for them
to make poor decisions like walking into oncoming traffic. (This is why
officers ask you to stay in your car.) Why? After an accident, people are
suffering the effects of a complete hijacking of the thinking brain by a
region of the brain known as the limbic system. The result of this hijacking includes behaviors such as trembling, disorientation, nervousness,
and discomfort. In context, these actions are to be expected and confirm
the stress from the accident. During a job interview, I expect applicants
to be nervous initially and for that nervousness to dissipate. If it shows up
again when I ask specific questions, then I have to wonder why these
nervous behaviors have suddenly presented again.
Commandment 3: Learn to recognize and decode nonverbal behaviors that are universal. Some body behaviors are considered universal because they are exhibited similarly by most people. For instance,
when people press their lips together in a manner that seems to make
them disappear, it is a clear and common sign that they are troubled and
something is wrong. This nonverbal behavior, known as lip compression,
is one of the universal tells that I will be describing in the chapters to follow (see box 4). The more of these universal nonverbals you can recognize
and accurately interpret, the more effective you will be in assessing the
thoughts, feelings, and intentions of those around you.
BOX 4:
Universal tells of the lips were very helpful to me during a consulting assignment with a British shipping company. My British client had asked
me to sit through their contract negotiations with a huge multinational
corporation that would be outfitting their vessels. I agreed and suggested
that the proposed contract be presented point by point, with agreement
being reached on each item before moving forward. That way I could
more closely watch the corporate negotiator for any nonverbals that might
reveal information helpful to my client.
Ill pass you a note if I spot something that needs your attention, I
told my client and then settled back to watch the parties review the contract clause by clause. I didnt have long to wait before I saw an important
tell. When a clause detailing the outfitting of a specific part of the vessel
was reada construction phase involving millions of dollarsthe chief
negotiator from the multinational corporation pursed his lips, a clear indication that something in this part of the contract was not to his liking.
I passed a note to my client, warning him that this particular clause in
the contract was contentious or problematic and should be revisited and
discussed thoroughly while we were all still together.
By confronting the issue then and thereand focusing on the details
of the clause in questionthe two negotiators were able to hammer out
an agreement face-to-face, which ended up saving my client 13.5 million
dollars. The negotiators nonverbal signal of displeasure was the key evidence needed to spot a specific problem and deal with it immediately
and effectively.
11
12
W H AT E V E R Y B O D Y I S S A Y I N G
Fig. 1
Fig. 2
13
his or her starting position at the beginning of your interaction. Establishing a persons baseline behavior is critical because it allows you to determine when he or she deviates from it, which can be very important
and informative (see box 5).
Commandment 6: Always try to watch people for multiple
tellsbehaviors that occur in clusters or in succession. Your accuracy in reading people will be enhanced when you observe multiple
tells, or clusters of behavior body signals on which to rely. These signals
work together like the parts of a jigsaw puzzle. The more pieces of the
puzzle you possess, the better your chances of putting them all together
and seeing the picture they portray. To illustrate, if I see a business competitor display a pattern of stress behaviors, followed closely by pacifying
behaviors, I can be more confident that she is bargaining from a position
of weakness.
Commandment 7: Its important to look for changes in a persons
behavior that can signal changes in thoughts, emotions, interest,
or intent. Sudden changes in behavior can help reveal how a person is
W H AT E V E R Y B O D Y I S S A Y I N G
14
BOX 5:
Imagine for a moment that youre the parent of an eight-year-old boy who
is waiting in line to greet relatives at a large family reunion. As this is a
yearly ritual, you have stood with your son on numerous occasions while
he waited his turn to say hello to everyone. He has never hesitated to run
up and give family members a big hug. However, on this occasion, when
it comes time to embrace his Uncle Harry, he stands stiff and frozen in
place.
Whats the matter? you whisper to him, pushing him toward his
waiting uncle.
Your son doesnt say anything, but he is very reluctant to respond to
your physical signal.
What should you do? The important thing to note here is that your
sons behavior is a deviation from his baseline behavior. In the past, he
has never hesitated to greet his uncle with a hug. Why the change in behavior? His freeze response suggests he feels threatened or something
negative. Perhaps there is no justified reason for his fear, but to the observant and sensibly cautious parent, a warning signal should go off. Your
sons deviation from his previous behavior suggests that something negative might have occurred between him and his uncle since their last
meeting. Perhaps it was a simple disagreement, the awkwardness of
youth, or a reaction to the uncles preferential treatment of others. Then
again, this behavior might indicate something much more sinister. The
point is that a change in a persons baseline behavior suggests that something might be amiss and, in this particular case, probably warrants further attention.
15
W H AT E V E R Y B O D Y I S S A Y I N G
16
BOX 6:
17
18
W H AT E V E R Y B O D Y I S S A Y I N G
FO R WH O M TH E TELLS TOL L
On a fateful date in 1963, in Cleveland, Ohio, thirty-nine-year veteran
Detective Martin McFadden watched two men walk back and forth in
front of a store window. They took turns peeking into the shop and then
walking away. After multiple passes, the two men huddled at the end of
the street looking over their shoulders as they spoke to a third person.
Concerned that the men were casing the business and intending to rob
the store, the detective moved in, patted down one of the men, and found
a concealed handgun. Detective McFadden arrested the three men, thus
thwarting a robbery and averting potential loss of life.
Officer McFaddens detailed observations became the basis for a landmark U.S. Supreme Court decision (Terry v. Ohio, 1968, 392 U.S. 1)
19
known to every police officer in the United States. Since 1968, this ruling
has allowed police officers to stop and frisk individuals without a warrant when their behaviors telegraph their intention to commit a crime.
With this decision, the Supreme Court acknowledged that nonverbal
behaviors presage criminality if those behaviors are observed and decoded properly. Terry v. Ohio provided a clear demonstration of the relationship between our thoughts, intentions, and nonverbal behaviors.
Most important, this decision provided legal recognition that such a relationship exists and is valid (Navarro & Schafer, 2003, 2224).
So the next time someone says to you that nonverbal behavior does
not have meaning or is not reliable, remember this case, as it says otherwise and has stood the test of time.
TWO
ake a moment and bite your lip. Really, take a second and actually
do it. Now, rub your forehead. Finally, stroke the back of your
neck. These are things we do all the time. Spend some time
around other people and youll see them engaging in these behaviors
on a regular basis.
Do you ever wonder why they do it? Do you ever wonder why you do
it? The answer can be found hidden away in a vaultthe cranial vault
where the human brain resides. Once we learn why and how our brain
recruits our body to express its emotions nonverbally, well also discover
how to interpret these behaviors. So, lets take a closer look inside that
vault and examine the most amazing three pounds of matter found in
the human body.
Most people think of themselves as having one brain and recognize
that brain as the seat of their cognitive abilities. In reality, there are three
W H AT E V E R Y B O D Y I S S A Y I N G
22
Fig. 3
Corpus Callosum
Neocortex
Thalamus
Hypothalamus
Hippocampus
Amygdala
Reptilian Brain
Cerebellum
Diagram of the limbic brain with major features such as the amygdala and the
hippocampus.
23
logic, we can use these behaviors to interpret what the brain is choosing to
communicate externally.
W H AT E V E R Y B O D Y I S S A Y I N G
24
BOX 7:
Since the limbic part of our brain cannot be cognitively regulated, the
behaviors it generates should be given greater importance when interpreting nonverbal communications. You can use your thoughts to try to
disguise your true emotions all you want, but the limbic system will selfregulate and give off clues. Observing these alarm reactions and knowing
that they are honest and significant is extremely important; it can even
save lives.
An example of this occurred in December of 1999, when an alert
U.S. customs officer thwarted a terrorist who came to be known as the
millennial bomber. Noting the nervousness and excessive sweating of
Ahmed Reesam as he entered the United States from Canada, Officer
Diana Dean asked him to step out of his car for further questioning. At
that point Reesam attempted to flee but was soon captured. In his car,
officers found explosives and timing devices. Reesam was eventually
convicted of plotting to bomb the Los Angeles Airport.
The nervousness and sweating that Officer Dean observed were regulated in the brain as a response to immense stress. Because these limbic behaviors are genuine, Officer Dean could be confident in pursuing
Reesam, with the knowledge that her observations had detected body
language that justified further investigation. The Reesam affair illustrates
how ones psychological state manifests nonverbally in the body. In this
case, the limbic system of a would-be bomberwho was obviously extremely frightened by the possibility of being detectedgave away his
nervousness, despite all conscious attempts he made to hide his underlying emotions. We owe Officer Dean our gratitude for being an astute observer of nonverbal behavior and foiling a terrorist act.
25
26
W H AT E V E R Y B O D Y I S S A Y I N G
threats, has taken three forms: freeze, flight, and fight. Like other animal
species whose limbic brains protected them in this manner, humans possessing these limbic reactions survived to propagate because these behaviors were already hardwired into our nervous system.
I am sure that many of you are familiar with the phrase fight-or-flight
response, which is common terminology used to describe the way in
which we respond to threatening or dangerous situations. Unfortunately,
this phrase is only two-thirds accurate and half-assed backward! In reality,
the way animals, including humans, react to danger occurs in the following order: freeze, flight, fight. If the reaction really were fight or flight,
most of us would be bruised, battered, and exhausted much of the time.
Because we have retained and honed this exquisitely successful process for dealing with stress and dangerand because the resulting reactions generate nonverbal behaviors that help us understand a persons
thoughts, feelings, and intentionsit is well worth our time to examine
each response in greater detail.
The Freeze Response
A million years ago, as early hominids traversed the African savanna,
they were faced with many predators that could outrun and overpower
them. For early man to succeed, the limbic brain, which had evolved
from our animal forebearers, developed strategies to compensate for the
power advantage our predators had over us. That strategy, or first defense of the limbic system, was to use the freeze response in the presence
of a predator or other danger. Movement attracts attention; by immediately holding still upon sensing a threat, the limbic brain caused us to
react in the most effective manner possible to ensure our survival. Most
animals, certainly most predators, react toand are attracted by
movement. This ability to freeze in the face of danger makes sense.
Many carnivores go after moving targets and exercise the chase, trip,
and bite mechanism exhibited by large felines, the primary predators
of our ancestors.
Many animals not only freeze their motion when confronted by preda-
27
tors, but some even play dead, which is the ultimate freeze reaction. This
is a strategy that opossums use, but they are not the only animals to do so.
In fact, accounts of the school shootings at Columbine and Virginia Tech
demonstrate that students used the freeze response to deal with deadly
predators. By holding still and playing dead, many students survived even
though they were only a few feet away from the killer. Instinctively, the
students adopted ancient behaviors that work very effectively. Freezing
your movement can often make you nearly invisible to others, a phenomenon every soldier and SWAT team operator learns.
Thus, the freeze response has been passed from primitive man to
modern man and remains with us today as our first line of defense
against a perceived threat or danger. In fact, you can still see this ancient
limbic reaction to large felines in the theaters of Las Vegas where big cats
are part of the show. As the tiger or lion walks onto the stage, you can be
sure that the people in the first row will not be making any unnecessary
arm or hand gestures. They will be frozen in their seats. These people
were not issued memos to remain still; they did so because the limbic
brain has prepared the human species to behave that way in the face of
danger for over five million years.
In our modern society, the freeze response is employed more subtly in
everyday life. You can observe it when people are caught bluffing or
stealing, or sometimes when they are lying. When people feel threatened
or exposed, they react just like our ancestors did a million years earlier;
they freeze. Not only have we, as humans, learned to freeze in the face of
observed or perceived danger, but others around us have learned to copy
our behavior and freeze their behavior also, even without seeing the
threat. This mimicry or isopraxism (same movement) evolved because it
was critical to communal survival, as well as social harmony, within the
human species (see box 8 on next page).
This freezing action is sometimes termed the deer-in-the-headlights
effect. When suddenly caught in a potentially dangerous circumstance,
we immediately freeze before taking action. In our day-to-day life, this
freeze response manifests innocently, such as when a person walking
down the street stops suddenly, perhaps hitting himself on the forehead
W H AT E V E R Y B O D Y I S S A Y I N G
28
BOX 8:
I was at my mothers house a few weeks ago watching television and eating ice cream with members of the family. It was late at night and someone rang the doorbell (something that is very unusual in her neighborhood).
Suddenly, in the midst of eating, everyones hands frozeadults and
children alikeas if choreographed. It was amazing to see how we all
reacted with hands flash frozen at precisely the same moment. It turned
out that the visitor was my sister who had forgotten her keys. But of
course we didnt know it was her ringing the bell. It was a beautiful example of the hardwired communal response to perceived danger, and of
the first limbic reaction, which is to freeze.
Soldiers in combat react the same way. When the point man freezes,
everyone freezes; nothing needs to be said.
with the palm of his hand, before turning around and heading back to
his apartment to turn off the stove. That momentary stop is enough for
the brain to do some quick assessing, whether the threat comes in the
form of a predator or of a thought remembered. Either way, the psyche
must deal with a potentially dangerous situation (Navarro, 2007, 141
163).
We not only freeze when confronted by physical and visual threats,
but as in the example of the late-night doorbell, threats from things we
hear (aural threats) can also alert the limbic system. For instance, when
being chastised, most people hold very still. The same behavior is observed when an individual is being questioned about matters that he or
she perceives could get them into trouble. The person will freeze in his
chair as if in an ejector seat (Gregory, 1999).
A similar manifestation of the limbic freeze occurs during interviews
when people hold their breath or their breathing becomes very shallow.
Again, this is a very ancient response to a threat. It is not noticed by the
interviewee and yet it is quite observable to anyone watching for it. I have
29
often had to tell an interviewee to relax and take a deep breath during
the middle of an interview or deposition, as he was unaware of just how
shallow his breathing had become.
Consistent with the need to freeze when confronted by a threat, people being questioned about a crime will often fix their feet in a position
of security (interlocked behind the chair legs) and hold that position for
an inordinate period of time. When I see this type of behavior, it tells me
something is wrong; this is a limbic response that needs to be further
explored. The person may or may not be lying, since deceit cannot be
directly discerned. But I can be assured from their nonverbal behavior
that something is stressing them; therefore I will pursue the source of
their discomfort through my questioning or interaction.
Another way the limbic brain uses a modification of the freeze response is to attempt to protect us by diminishing our exposure. During
surveillance of shoplifters, one of the things that stands out is how often
thieves will try to hide their physical presence by restricting their motions or hunching over as if trying to be invisible. Ironically, this makes
them stand out even further, since it is such a deviation from normal
shopping behavior. Most people walk around a store with their arms
quite active and their posture upright rather than stooped. Psychologically, the shopliftersor, your son and daughter as they try to surreptitiously swipe a cookie from the pantryare trying to master their
environment by attempting to hide in the open. Another way people
try to hide in the open is by limiting their head exposure. This is done by
raising the shoulders and lowering the headthe turtle effect. Picture
a losing football team walking off the field after the game and you get
the idea (see figure 4).
Interestingly and sadly, abused children often manifest these freezing
limbic behaviors. In the presence of an abusive parent or adult, their
arms will go dormant at their sides and they avoid eye contact as though
that helps them not to be seen. In a way, they are hiding in the open,
which is a tool of survival for these helpless kids.
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W H AT E V E R Y B O D Y I S S A Y I N G
Fig. 4
31
rected our body to adopt this tactic judiciously over millennia in order to
escape from danger.
In our modern world, however, where we live in cities and not in the
wild, it is difficult to run from threats; therefore we have adapted the
flight response to meet our modern needs. The behaviors are not as obvious, but they serve the same purposeto either block or distance ourselves from the physical presence of undesirable individuals or things.
If you think back on the social interactions youve had in your life,
youll probably be able to recall some of the evasive actions you took to
distance yourself from the unwanted attention of others. Just as a child
turns away from undesirable food at the dinner table and shifts her feet
toward the exit, an individual may turn away from someone she doesnt
like, or to avoid conversations that threaten her. Blocking behaviors may
manifest in the form of closing the eyes, rubbing the eyes, or placing the
hands in front of the face.
The person may also distance herself from someone by leaning away,
placing objects (a purse) on her lap, or turning her feet toward the nearest exit. All of these behaviors are controlled by the limbic brain and
indicate that someone wants distance from one or more undesirable
persons or any perceived threat in the environment. Again, we undertake these behaviors because, for millions of years, humans have withdrawn from things we didnt like or that could harm us. Therefore, to
this day, we expedite our exit from a deplorable party, distance ourselves
from a bad relationship, or lean away from those who are deemed undesirable or even with whom we strongly disagree (see figure 5).
Just as a man may turn away from his date, an individual in negotiations may shift away from his counterpart if he hears an unattractive
offer or feels threatened as bargaining continues. Blocking behaviors
may also be manifested; the businessperson may close or rub his eyes, or
place his hands in front of his face (see figure 6). He may lean away
from the table or the other person and turn his feet away as well, sometimes in the direction of the nearest exit. These are not behaviors of deception, but rather actions that signal that a person feels uncomfortable.
These forms of the age-old flight response are distancing nonverbal be-
32
W H AT E V E R Y B O D Y I S S A Y I N G
Fig. 5
haviors that tell you the businessperson is unhappy with what is occurring at the table.
The Fight Response
The fight response is the limbic brains final tactic for survival through
aggression. When a person confronting danger cannot avoid detection by
freezing and cannot save himself by distancing or escaping (flight), the
only alternative left is to fight. In our evolution as a species, wealong
with other mammalsdeveloped the strategy of turning fear into rage
in order to fight off attackers (Panksepp, 1998, 208). In the modern
33
Fig. 6
world, however, acting on our rage may not be practical or even legal, so
the limbic brain has developed other strategies beyond the more primitive physical fight response.
One form of modern aggression is an argument. Although the original meaning of the term argument relates simply to a debate or discussion, the word is increasingly used to describe a verbal altercation. An
overheated argument is essentially fighting by nonphysical means. The
use of insults, ad hominem phrases, counterallegations, denigration of
professional stature, goading, and sarcasm are all, in their own ways, the
modern equivalents of fighting, because they are all forms of aggression.
If you think about it, civil lawsuits can even be construed as a modern
and socially sanctioned type of fight or aggression in which litigants aggressively argue two opposing viewpoints.
While humans probably engage in physical altercations far less now
than in other periods in our history, fighting is still a part of our limbic
armory. Although some people are more prone to violence than others,
our limbic response shows up in many ways other than punching, kicking, and biting. You can be very aggressive without physical contact, for
example, just by using your posture, your eyes, by puffing out your chest,
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W H AT E V E R Y B O D Y I S S A Y I N G
35
ber experiences from our past encounters and build upon them (see box 9).
Thus far we have seen how efficiently the limbic system helps us to deal
with threats. Now lets look at how our brain and body work together to
comfort us and give us confidence in our personal safety.
When we experience a sense of comfort (well-being), the limbic brain
leaks this information in the form of body language congruent with
our positive feelings. Observe someone resting in a hammock on a breezy
day. His body reflects the high comfort being experienced by his brain.
On the other hand, when we feel distressed (discomfort), the limbic brain
expresses nonverbal behavior that mirrors our negative state of being.
Just watch people at the airport when a flight is canceled or delayed.
Their bodies say it all. Therefore, we want to learn to look more closely
at the comfort and discomfort behaviors we see every day and use them
to assess for feelings, thoughts, and intentions.
In general, when the limbic brain is in a state of comfort, this mental
and physiological well-being is reflected in nonverbal displays of contentment and high confidence. When, however, the limbic brain is experiencing discomfort, the corresponding body language is characterized by
behaviors emblematic of stress or low confidence. Knowledge of these
behavioral markers or tells will help you determine what a person may
be thinking, or how to act or what to expect when dealing with other
people in any social or work context.
The Importance of Pacifying Behaviors
Understanding how the limbic systems freeze, flight, and fight responses
influence nonverbal behavior is only part of the equation. As you study
nonverbal behavior, you will discover that whenever there is a limbic responseespecially to a negative or threatening experienceit will be
followed by what I call pacifying behaviors (Navarro, 2007, 141163).
These actions, often referred to in the literature as adapters, serve to
calm us down after we experience something unpleasant or downright
nasty (Knapp & Hall, 2002, 4142). In its attempt to restore itself to
normal conditions, the brain enlists the body to provide comforting
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W H AT E V E R Y B O D Y I S S A Y I N G
BOX 9:
The limbic brain is like a computer that receives and retains data from the
outside world. In doing so, it compiles and maintains a record of negative
events and experiences (a burned finger from a hot stove, an assault by a
human or animal predator, or even hurtful comments) as well as pleasant
encounters. Using this information, the limbic brain allows us to navigate
a dangerous and often unforgiving world (Goleman, 1995, 1021). For
example, once the limbic system registers an animal as dangerous, that
impression becomes embedded in our emotional memory so that the
next time we see that animal, we will react instantly. Likewise, if we run
into the class bully twenty years later, negative feelings of long ago will
percolate to the surface once more, thanks to the limbic brain.
The reason it is often difficult to forget when someone has hurt us is
because that experience registers in the more primitive limbic system,
which is the part of the brain designed not to reason but to react (Goleman, 1995, 207). I recently encountered an individual with whom I was
never on the best of terms. It had been four years since I had last seen
this person, yet my visceral (limbic) reactions were just as negative as
they had been years ago. My brain was reminding me that this individual
takes advantage of others, so it was warning me to stay away. This phenomenon is precisely what Gavin de Becker was talking about in his insightful book, The Gift of Fear.
Conversely, the limbic system also works efficiently to register and
retain a record of positive events and experiences (e.g., satisfaction of
basic needs, praise, and enjoyable interpersonal relationships). Thus, a
friendly or familiar face will cause an immediate reactiona sense of
pleasure and well-being. The feelings of euphoria when we see an old
friend or recognize a pleasant smell from childhood occur because those
encounters have been registered in the comfort zone of the memory
bank associated with our limbic system.
37
(pacifying) behaviors. Since these are outward signals that can be read
in real time, we can observe and decode them immediately and
in context.
Pacifying is not unique to our species. For example, cats and dogs lick
themselves and each other to pacify. Humans engage in much more diverse pacification behaviors. Some are very obvious, while others are
much more subtle. Most people would readily think of a childs thumb
sucking when asked to identify a pacifying behavior, but do not realize
that after we outgrow that comfort display, we adopt more discreet and
socially acceptable ways to satisfy the need to calm ourselves (e.g., chewing gum, biting pencils). Most people dont notice the more subtle pacifying behaviors or are unaware of their significance in revealing a persons
thoughts and feelings. That is unfortunate. To be successful at reading
nonverbal behavior, learning to recognize and decode human pacifiers
is absolutely critical. Why? Because pacifying behaviors reveal so much
about a persons current state of mind, and they do so with uncanny accuracy (see box 10).
I look for pacifying behaviors in people to tell me when they are not
at ease or when they are reacting negatively to something I have done or
said. In an interview situation, such a display might be in response to
a specific question or comment. Behaviors that signal discomfort (e.g.,
leaning away, a frown, and crossed or tense arms) are usually followed by
the brain enlisting the hands to pacify (see figure 8). I look for these behaviors to confirm what is going on in the mind of the person with
whom I am dealing.
As a specific example, if every time I ask a subject, Do you know Mr.
Hillman? he responds, No, but then immediately touches his neck or
mouth, I know he is pacifying to that specific question (see figure 9). I
dont know if he is lying, because deception is notoriously difficult to detect. But I do know that he is bothered by the inquiry, so much so that he
has to pacify himself after he hears it. This will prompt me to probe further into this area of inquiry. Pacifying behaviors are important for an
investigator to note, since sometimes they help uncover a lie or hidden information. I find pacifying indicators of greater significance and reliability than trying to establish veracity. They help to identify what specific
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W H AT E V E R Y B O D Y I S S A Y I N G
BOX 10:
Neck touching and/or stroking is one of the most significant and frequent
pacifying behaviors we use in responding to stress. When women pacify
using the neck, they often do so by covering or touching their suprasternal notch with their hand (see figure 7). The suprasternal notch is the
hollow area between the Adams apple and the breastbone that is sometimes referred to as the neck dimple. When a woman touches this part of
her neck and/or covers it with her hand, it is typically because she feels
distressed, threatened, uncomfortable, insecure, or fearful. This is a relatively significant behavioral clue that can be used to detect, among other
things, the discomfort experienced when a person is lying or concealing
important information.
I once worked on an investigation where we thought an armed and
dangerous fugitive might be hiding out at his mothers home. Another
agent and I went to the womans house, and when we knocked at the
door, she agreed to let us in. We showed our identification and began
asking her a series of questions. When I inquired, Is your son in the
house? she put her hand to her suprasternal notch and said, No, hes
not. I noted her behavior, and we continued with our questioning. After a
few minutes I asked, Is it possible that while you were at work, your son
could have sneaked into the house? Once again, she put her hand up to
her neck dimple and replied, No, Id know that. I was now confident
that her son was in the house, because the only time she moved her hand
to her neck was when I suggested that possibility. To make absolutely
sure my assumption was correct, we continued to speak with the woman
until, as we prepared to leave, I made one last inquiry. Just so I can finalize my records, youre positive hes not in the house, right? For a third
time, her hand went to her neck as she affirmed her earlier answer. I was
now certain the woman was lying. I asked for permission to search the
house and, sure enough, her son was hiding in a closet under some blankets. She was lucky she was not charged with obstruction of justice. Her
39
discomfort in lying to the police about her fugitive son caused her limbic
system to generate a pacifying behavior that tipped her hand and gave
her away.
Fig. 7
Fig. 8
Fig. 9
Fig. 10
41
Fig. 11
with puffed cheeks to calm ourselves (see figures 10 and 11). If a stressed
person is a smoker, he or she will smoke more; if the person chews gum, he
or she will chew faster. All these pacifying behaviors satisfy the same requirement of the brain; that is, the brain requires the body to do something
that will stimulate nerve endings, releasing calming endorphins in the
brain, so that the brain can be soothed (Panksepp, 1998, 272).
For our purposes, any touching of the face, head, neck, shoulder, arm,
hand, or leg in response to a negative stimulus (e.g., a difficult question,
an embarrassing situation, or stress as a result of something heard, seen,
or thought) is a pacifying behavior. These stroking behaviors dont help
us to solve problems; rather, they help us to remain calm while we do. In
other words, they soothe us. Men prefer to touch their faces. Women
prefer to touch their necks, clothing, jewelry, arms, and hair.
When it comes to pacifiers, people have personal favorites, some choose
to chew gum, smoke cigarettes, eat more food, lick their lips, rub their
chins, stroke their faces, play with objects (pens, pencils, lipstick, or
watches), pull their hair, or scratch their forearms. Sometimes pacification
is even more subtle, like a person brushing the front of his shirt or adjusting his tie (see figure 12). He appears simply to be preening himself, but in
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W H AT E V E R Y B O D Y I S S A Y I N G
Fig. 12
reality he is calming his nervousness by drawing his arm across his body
and giving his hands something to do. These, too, are pacifying behaviors
ultimately governed by the limbic system and exhibited in response to
stress.
Below are some of the most common and pronounced pacifying behaviors. When you see them, stop and ask yourself, Why is this person
pacifying? The ability to link a pacifying behavior with the specific
stressor that caused it can help you understand a persons thoughts, feelings, and intentions more accurately.
Pacifying Behaviors Involving the Neck
Neck touching and/or stroking is one of the most significant and frequent pacifying behaviors we use in responding to stress. One person
may rub or massage the back of his neck with his fingers; another may
stroke the sides of his neck or just under the chin above the Adams apple,
tugging at the fleshy area of the neck. This area is rich with nerve endings that, when stroked, reduce blood pressure, lower the heart rate, and
calm the individual down (see figures 13 and 14).
43
Fig. 13
Fig. 14
Over the decades that I have studied nonverbal behaviors, I have observed that there are gender differences in the way men and women use
the neck to pacify themselves. Typically, men are more robust in their
pacifying behaviors, grasping or cupping their necks just beneath the
chin with their hands, thereby stimulating the nerves (specifically, the
vagus nerves or the carotid sinus) of the neck, which in turn slow the heart
rate down and have a calming effect. Sometimes men will stroke the
sides or the back of the neck with their fingers, or adjust their tie knot or
shirt collar (see figure 15).
Women pacify differently. For example, when women pacify using
the neck, they will sometimes touch, twist, or otherwise manipulate a
necklace, if they are wearing one (see box 11). As mentioned, the other
major way women neck pacify is by covering their suprasternal notch
with their hand. Women touch their hands to this part of their neck and/
or cover it when they feel stressed, insecure, threatened, fearful, uncomfortable, or anxious. Interestingly, when a woman is pregnant, I have
observed that her hand will initially move toward her neck but at the last
moment will divert to her belly, as if to cover the fetus.
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W H AT E V E R Y B O D Y I S S A Y I N G
BOX 11:
Fig. 15
45
46
W H AT E V E R Y B O D Y I S S A Y I N G
Fig. 16
47
behavior is to watch people who put one or both arms under the table. If
they are doing leg cleansing, you will normally see the upper arm and
shoulder moving in conjunction with the hand as it rubs along their leg.
In my experience, I find the leg cleanser to be very significant because
it occurs so quickly in reaction to a negative event. I have observed this action for years in cases when suspects are presented with damning evidence,
such as pictures of a crime scene with which they are already familiar
(guilty knowledge). This cleansing/pacifying behavior accomplishes two
things at once. It dries sweaty palms and pacifies through tactile stroking.
You can also see it when a seated couple is bothered or interrupted by an
unwelcome intruder, or when someone is struggling to remember a name.
In police work, watch for the hand/leg pacifiers to appear when the
interview session starts, and then note if they progressively increase when
difficult questions arise. An increase in either the number or vigor of leg
cleansers is a very good indicator that a question has caused some sort of
discomfort for the person, either because he has guilty knowledge, is lying, or because you are getting close to something he does not want to
discuss (see box 12). The behavior might also occur because the interviewee is distressed over what he is required to answer in response to our
questions. So, keep an eye on what goes on under the table by monitoring the movement of the arms. You will be surprised at how much you
can glean from these behaviors.
Heed this cautionary note about leg cleansing. While it is certainly
seen in people who are being deceptive, I have also observed it in innocent individuals who are merely nervous, so be careful not to jump to
any conclusions too quickly (Frank et al., 2006, 248249). The best way
to interpret a leg cleanser is to recognize that it reflects the brains need
to pacify and, therefore, the reasons for the individuals behavior should
be investigated further.
The Ventilator
This behavior involves a person (usually a male) putting his fingers between his shirt collar and neck and pulling the fabric away from his skin
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W H AT E V E R Y B O D Y I S S A Y I N G
BOX 12:
(see figure 17). This ventilating action is often a reaction to stress and is a
good indicator that the person is unhappy with something he is thinking about or experiencing in his environment. A woman may perform
this nonverbal activity more subtly by merely ventilating the front of her
blouse or by tossing the back of her hair up in the air to ventilate her
neck.
The Self-Administered Body-Hug
When facing stressful circumstances, some individuals will pacify by
crossing their arms and rubbing their hands against their shoulders, as
if experiencing a chill. Watching a person employ this pacifying behavior is reminiscent of the way a mother hugs a young child. It is a protective and calming action we adopt to pacify ourselves when we want to
49
Fig. 17
Ventilating of the neck area relieves stress and emotional discomfort. Rodney
Dangerfield, the comedian, was famous for doing this when he wasnt getting any
respect.
feel safe. However, if you see a person with his arms crossed in front,
leaning forward, and giving you a defiant look, this is not a pacifying
behavior!
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W H AT E V E R Y B O D Y I S S A Y I N G
51
flight, or fight) and possess a pacifying system to deal with stress. We are
fortunate to have these mechanisms, not only for our own survival and success, but also to use in assessing the sentiments and thoughts of others.
In this chapter, we also learned that (with the exception of certain
reflexes) all behavior is governed by the brain. We have examined two of
the three major brains within our cranial vaultthe thinking neocortex brain and the more automatic limbic brainand how they differ in
terms of their roles. Both brains perform important functions. However,
for our purposes, the limbic system is more important because it is the
most honest brainresponsible for producing the most significant nonverbal signals for determining true thoughts and feelings (Ratey, 2001,
147242).
Now that you are familiar with the basics of how the brain reacts to
the world, you might be wondering if detecting and decoding nonverbal
behaviors is all that easy to do. This is a frequently asked question. The
answer is yes and no. Once youve read this book, some nonverbal body
cues will stand out. They literally scream for attention. On the other
hand, there are many aspects of body language that are more subtle and,
therefore, more difficult to spot. We will focus on both the more obvious
and the more subtle behaviors that the limbic brain elicits from the body.
In time and with practice, decoding them will become natural, like
looking both ways before you cross a busy street. This brings us to our
legs and feet, which propel us across the intersection and provide the focal point of our attention in the next chapter.
THREE
Getting a Leg Up on
Body Language
Nonverbals of the Feet and Legs
n the first chapter, I asked you to guess which is the most honest part of
the bodythe part that is most likely to reveal a persons true intentions and, thus, be a prime place to look for nonverbal signals that accurately reflect what he or she is thinking. It may surprise you, but the
answer is the feet! Thats right, your feet, along with your legs, win the
honesty award handsor should I sayfeet down.
Now I will explain how to gauge the sentiments and intentions of
others by focusing on their foot and leg actions. In addition, you will
learn to look for telltale signs that help disclose whats going on under
the table, even when you cant directly watch the lower limbs. First,
however, I want to share with you why your feet are the most honest
part of your body, so youll gain a better appreciation for why the feet
are such good gauges of peoples true sentiments and intentions.
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W H AT E V E R Y B O D Y I S S A Y I N G
55
react in synchrony by noting each others movements. In our contemporary world, soldiers on patrol will fix their attention on the point man.
When he freezes, they all freeze. When he lunges for the side of the
road, they also take cover. When he charges an ambush, they react in
kind. With regard to these life-saving group behaviors, little has changed
in five million years.
This ability to communicate nonverbally has assured our survival as a
species, and even though today we often cover our legs with clothing and
our feet with shoes, our lower limbs still reactnot only to threats and
stressorsbut also to emotions, both negative and positive. Thus, our feet
and legs transmit information about what we are sensing, thinking, and
feeling. The dancing and jumping up and down we do today are extensions of the celebratory exuberance people exhibited millions of years ago
upon the completion of a successful hunt. Be they Masai warriors jumping high in place or couples dancing up a storm, throughout the world,
the feet and legs communicate happiness. We even stomp our feet in unison at ball games to let our team know we are rooting for them.
Other evidence of these foot feelings abounds in our everyday life.
For example, watch children and their foot movements for a real education in feet honesty. A child may be sitting down to eat, but if she wants
to go out and play, notice how her feet sway, how they stretch to reach the
floor from a high chair even when the child is not yet finished with her
meal. A parent may try to keep her in place, yet the girls feet will inch
away from the table. Her torso may be held by that loving parent, but the
youngster will twist and squirm her legs and feet ever so diligently in the
direction of the dooran accurate reflection of where she wants to go.
This is an intention cue. As adults, we are, of course, more restrained in
these limbic exhibitions, but just barely so.
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W H AT E V E R Y B O D Y I S S A Y I N G
that the face is the one part of the body that most often is used to bluff
and conceal true sentiments. My approach is the exact opposite. Having
conducted thousands of interviews for the FBI, I learned to concentrate
on the suspects feet and legs first, moving upward in my observations
until I read the face last. When it comes to honesty, truthfulness decreases
as we move from the feet to the head. Unfortunately, law enforcement
literature over the last sixty years, including some contemporary works,
has emphasized a facial focus when conducting interviews or attempting
to read people. Further complicating an honest read is the fact that most
interviewers compound the problem by allowing the interviewees to conceal their feet and legs under tables and desks.
When you give it some thought, theres good reason for the deceitful
nature of our facial expressions. We lie with our faces because thats what
weve been taught to do since early childhood. Dont make that face,
our parents growl when we honestly react to the food placed in front of
us. At least look happy when your cousins stop by, they instruct, and
you learn to force a smile. Our parentsand societyare, in essence,
telling us to hide, deceive, and lie with our faces for the sake of social
harmony. So it is no surprise that we tend to get pretty good at it, so
good, in fact, that when we put on a happy face at a family gathering, we
might look as if we love our in-laws when, in reality, we are fantasizing
about how to hasten their departure.
Think about it. If we couldnt control our facial expressions, why
would the term poker face have any meaning? We know how to put on a
so-called party face, but few pay any attention to their own feet and legs,
much less to those of others. Nervousness, stress, fear, anxiety, caution,
boredom, restlessness, happiness, joy, hurt, shyness, coyness, humility,
awkwardness, confidence, subservience, depression, lethargy, playfulness, sensuality, and anger can all manifest through the feet and legs. A
meaningful touch of the legs between lovers, the shy feet of a young boy
meeting strangers, the stance of the angry, the nervous pacing of an expectant fatherall of these signal our emotional state and can be readily
observed in real time.
If you want to decode the world around you and interpret behavior
57
accurately, watch the feet and the legs; they are truly remarkable and honest in the information they convey. The lower limbs must be viewed as a
significant part of the entire body when collecting nonverbal intelligence.
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W H AT E V E R Y B O D Y I S S A Y I N G
BOX 13:
BOX 14:
59
they represent a true tell or just excess nervous behavior. For example,
if a person has naturally jittery legs (a kind of restless-leg syndrome),
then it might be hard to distinguish happy feet from an individuals
normal nervous energy. If the rate or intensity of jiggling increases,
however, particularly right after a person hears or witnesses something of significance, I might view that as a potential signal that he or
she now feels more confident and satisfied with the current state of
affairs.
Second, moving feet and legs may simply signify impatience. Our feet
often jiggle or bounce when we grow impatient or feel the need to move
things along. Watch a class full of students and notice how often their
legs and feet will twitch, jiggle, move, and kick throughout the class.
This activity usually increases as the class draws to a close. More often
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W H AT E V E R Y B O D Y I S S A Y I N G
than not, this is a good indicator of impatience and the need to speed
things up, not a sign of happy feet. Such activity reaches a crescendo as
dismissal time approaches in my classes. Perhaps the students are trying
to tell me something.
When Feet Shift Direction, Particularly Toward or
Away from a Person or Object
We tend to turn toward things we like or are agreeable to us, and that
includes individuals with whom we are interacting. In fact, we can use
this information to determine whether others are happy to see us or
would prefer that we leave them alone. Assume you are approaching two
people engaged in a conversation. These are individuals you have met
before, and you want to join in the discussion, so you walk up to them
and say hi. The problem is that youre not sure if they really want your
company. Is there a way to find out? Yes. Watch their feet and torso behavior. If they move their feetalong with their torsosto admit you,
then the welcome is full and genuine. However, if they dont move their
feet to welcome you but, instead, only swivel at the hips to say hello, then
theyd rather be left alone.
We tend to turn away from things that we dont like or that are disagreeable to us. Studies of courtroom behavior reveal that when jurors
dont like a witness, they turn their feet toward the nearest exit (Dimitrius & Mazzarella, 2002, 193). From the waist up, the jurors politely face
the witness who is speaking, but will turn their feet toward the natural
escape routesuch as the door leading to the hallway or the jury
room.
What is true for jurors in a courtroom is also true for person-to-person interactions in general. From the hips up, we will face the person
with whom we are talking. But if we are displeased with the conversation, our feet will shift away, toward the nearest exit. When a person
turns his feet away, it is normally a sign of disengagement, a desire to distance himself from where he is currently positioned. When you are talking with someone and you note that he gradually or suddenly shifts his
61
feet away from you, this is information you need to process. Why did the
behavior take place? Sometimes it is a signal that the person is late for an
appointment and really has to go; other times it is a sign that the person
no longer wants to be around you. Perhaps you have said something offensive or done something annoying. The shifting foot behavior is a sign
that the person wants to depart (see figure 18). However, now it is up to
youbased on the circumstances surrounding the behaviorto determine why the individual is anxious to go (see box 15).
BOX 15:
When two people talk to each other, they normally speak toe to toe. If,
however, one of the individuals turns his feet slightly away or repeatedly
moves one foot in an outward direction (in an L formation with one foot
toward you and one away from you), you can be assured he wants to
take leave or wishes he were somewhere else. This type of foot behavior
is another example of an intention cue (Givens, 2005, 6061). The persons torso may remain facing you out of social diligence, but the feet
may more honestly reflect the limbic brains need or desire to escape
(see figure 18).
Recently I was with a client who had spent almost five hours with me.
As we were parting for the evening, we reflected on what we had covered
that day. Even though our conversation was very collegial, I noticed that
my client was holding one leg at a right angle to his body, seemingly wanting to take off on its own. At that point I said, You really do have to leave
now, dont you? Yes, he admitted. I am so sorry. I didnt want to be
rude but I have to call London and I only have five minutes! Here was a
case where my clients language and most of his body revealed nothing
but positive feelings. His feet, however, were the most honest communicators, and they clearly told me that as much as he wanted to stay, duty
was calling.
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W H AT E V E R Y B O D Y I S S A Y I N G
Fig. 18
63
Fig. 19
you note these cues, particularly when they come from your superiors, its
time to end your interaction; be astute and dont linger.
Gravity-Defying Behaviors of the Feet
When we are happy and excited, we walk as if we are floating on air. We
see this with lovers enthralled to be around each other as well as with
children who are eager to enter a theme park. Gravity seems to hold no
boundaries for those who are excited. These behaviors are quite obvious,
and yet every day, all around us, gravity-defying behaviors seemingly elude
our observation.
When we are excited about something or feel very positive about our
circumstances, we tend to defy gravity by doing such things as rocking
up and down on the balls of our feet, or walking with a bit of a bounce
in our step. This is the limbic brain, once again, manifesting itself in our
nonverbal behaviors.
Recently I was watching a stranger talk on his cell phone. As he listened,
his left foot, which had been resting flat on the ground, changed position.
The heel of the foot remained on the ground, but the rest of his shoe moved
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W H AT E V E R Y B O D Y I S S A Y I N G
up, so that his toes were pointing skyward (see figure 20). To the average
person, that behavior would have gone unnoticed or been disregarded as
insignificant. But to the trained observer, that gravity-defying foot behavior
can be readily decoded to mean that the man on the phone had just heard
something positive. Sure enough, as I walked by I could hear him say,
Reallythats terrific! His feet had already silently said the same thing.
Even when standing still, a person telling a story may inch up to a
taller stance, elevating himself to emphasize his points, and he may do
so repeatedly. The individual does this subconsciously; therefore these elevating behaviors are very honest cues, since they tend to be true expres-
Fig. 20
65
sions of the emotion attached to the story. They appear in real time along
with the story line and relate his feelings along with his words. Just as we
move our feet to the beat and tempo of a song we like, so too will we move
our feet and legs in congruence with something positive we say.
Interestingly, gravity-defying behaviors of the feet and legs are rarely
seen in people suffering from clinical depression. The body reflects precisely the emotional state of the individual. So when people are excited
we tend to see many more gravity-defying behaviors.
Can gravity-defying behaviors be faked? I suppose they can be, particularly by really good actors and perennial liars, but average people
simply dont know how to regulate their limbic behaviors. When people
try to control their limbic reactions or gravity-defying behaviors, it looks
contrived. Either they appear too passive or restrained for the situation or
not animated enough. A faked upward arm greeting just doesnt cut it. It
looks fake because the arms are not up for very long, and usually the elbows are bent. The gesture has all the hallmarks of being contrived.
True gravity-defying behaviors are usually a very good barometer of a
persons positive emotional state and they look genuine.
One type of gravity-defying behavior that can be very informative to
the astute observer is known as the starters position (see figure 21). This is
an action in which a person moves his or her feet from a resting position
(flat on the ground) to a ready or starters position with heel elevated
and weight on the balls of the feet. This is an intention cue that tells us
the person is getting ready to do something physical, requiring foot movement. It could mean the individual intends to engage you further, is really interested, or wants to leave. As with all nonverbal intention cues,
once you learn a person is about to do something, you need to rely on the
context and what you know about the individual to make your best assessment of what that something is going to be.
Leg Splay
The most unmistakable and easily spotted foot and leg behaviors are territorial displays. Most mammals, human or not, can become territorial
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W H AT E V E R Y B O D Y I S S A Y I N G
Fig. 21
when they are stressed or upset, when they are being threatened, or, conversely, when they are threatening others. In each case, they will exhibit
behaviors indicating they are trying to reestablish control of their situation and their territory. Law enforcement and military personnel use
these behaviors because they are accustomed to being in charge. Sometimes, they will try to outdo each other, at which point it becomes farcical as each person tries to splay out wider than his colleagues in a
subconscious attempt to claim more territory.
When people find themselves in confrontational situations, their feet
and legs will splay out, not only for greater balance but also to claim
greater territory. This sends out a very strong message to the careful observer that at a minimum there are issues afoot or that there is potential
for real trouble. When two people face off in disagreement, you will
never see their legs crossed so that they are off balance. The limbic brain
simply will not allow this to take place.
If you observe a persons feet going from being together to being
spread apart, you can be fairly confident that the individual is becoming
increasingly unhappy. This dominant stance communicates very clearly,
Something is wrong and I am ready to deal with it. Territorial leg
67
splays signal the potential for tempers to flare; thus, whether you find
yourself observing or using this type of nonverbal behavior, you should
be on the alert for possible trouble.
Because people often assume a more splayed posture when an argument escalates, I tell executives as well as law enforcement officers that
one way to diffuse a confrontation is to avoid using such territorial displays. If we catch ourselves in a leg-splay posture during a heated exchange and immediately bring our legs together, it often lessens the
confrontation level and reduces the tension.
A few years ago, while I was conducting a seminar, a woman in the
audience spoke about how her ex-husband used to intimidate her during
an argument by standing in the doorway of their house, legs splayed,
blocking her exit. This is not a behavior to be taken lightly. It resonates
visually as well as viscerally and can be used to control, intimidate, and
threaten. In fact, predators (e.g., psychopaths, antisocials) often use this
leg-splay behavior in conjunction with eye-gaze behavior to control others. As one prison inmate once told me, In here, its all about posture,
how we stand, how we look. We cant look weak, not for one moment. I
suspect anywhere we might encounter predators, we should be cognizant
of our posture and stance.
There are, of course, times when a leg splay can be used to your
advantagespecifically, when you want to establish authority and
control over others for a positive reason. I have had to coach female
law enforcement officers to use the leg splay to establish a more aggressive stance when responding to unruly crowds in the line of duty.
Standing with their feet together (which is perceived as submissive)
sends the wrong kind of signal to a would-be antagonist. By moving
their feet apart, the female officers can take a more dominant, I am
in charge stance, which will be perceived as more authoritarian and
thus help them be more effective in controlling unruly individuals.
You may want to emphasize to a teenage son how you feel about
smoking not by raising your voice, but rather by using a territorial
display.
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Fig. 23
71
was on one foot leaning toward her friend. I commented, You ladies
must have known each other for a long time. Their eyes and faces lit up,
and one asked how I knew this. I said, Even though you were meeting
mea strangerfor the first time, one of you crossed your legs to favor
the other. That is very unusual unless you really like and trust each other.
They both giggled and one inquired, Can you read minds, too? To
which I laughed and answered, No. After I had explained what gave
their long-term friendship away, one of the two women confirmed they
had known each other since they were in grade school in Cuba in the forties. Once again, the leg cross proved to be an accurate barometer of human sentiments.
Heres an interesting feature of leg crossing. We usually do it subconsciously in favor of the person we like the most. In other words, we cross
our legs in such a way so that we tilt toward the person we favor. This
can provide some interesting revelations during family gatherings. In
families in which there are multiple children, it is not unusual to have a
parent reveal a preference for one child over another by crossing legs so
that they tilt toward the child they favor.
Be aware that sometimes criminals, when they are up to no good,
will lean against a wall with their legs crossed when they see police driving by, pretending to be cool. Because this behavior goes counter to the
threat the limbic brain is sensing, these criminals usually dont hold this
behavior for very long. Experienced officers on the beat can immediately
see that these subjects are posing, not reposing, but to the unknowing,
they may look erroneously benign.
Feet /Leg Displays During Courtship
During high-comfort social interactions, our feet and legs will mirror
those of the other person we are with (isopraxis) and will remain playful.
In fact, in the extreme stages of comfort during courtship, the feet will
also engage the other person through subtle foot touches or caresses (see
box 16).
During courtship, and particularly while seated, a woman will often
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BOX 16:
73
the table because it feels good and can be very sexually arousing. Conversely, when we dont like someone or dont feel close to them, we move
our feet away immediately if they accidentally touch beneath the table. As
a relationship wanes, a very clear sign couples often miss is that there will
be progressively less foot touching of any kind.
play with her shoes and dangle them from the tips of her toes when she
feels comfortable with her companion. This behavior will, however,
quickly cease if the woman suddenly feels uncomfortable. A potential
suitor can get a pretty good reading on how things are going based on
this shoe-play behavior. If, upon approaching a woman (or after talking with her for a while), her shoe play stops, she adjusts her shoe back
on her foot, and especially if she follows this by turning slightly away
from the suitor and perhaps gathering up her purse, well, in the language of baseball, that suitor has most likely just struck out. Even when
a woman is not touching her suitor with her foot, this type of foot dangling and shoe play is movement, and movement draws attention.
Therefore, this nonverbal behavior says, Notice me, which is just the
opposite of the freeze response, and is part of the orienting reflex that is
instinctive and draws us near to the things and people we like or desire
and away from those things we dont like, dont trust, or of which we are
not sure.
Seated leg crosses are also revealing. When people sit side by side,
the direction of their leg crosses become significant. If they are on
good terms, the top leg crossed over will point toward the other person. If a person doesnt like a topic his companion brings up, he will
switch the position of the legs so that the thigh becomes a barrier (see
figures 24 and 25). Such blocking behavior is another meaningful example of the limbic brain protecting us. If there is congruence in the
way both parties are sitting and crossing their legs, then there is harmony.
Fig. 24
In this photo the man has placed his right leg in such a way that the knee
acts as a barrier between himself and the woman.
Fig. 25
In this photo the man has positioned his leg so that the knee is further
away, removing barriers between himself and the woman.
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Each of these movie characters had a distinctive walking style, and their
personalities were revealed, in part, through their gaits. How we walk
often reflects our moods and attitudes. We can walk briskly and intentionally, or slowly in a bewildered state. We can stroll, amble, saunter,
plod, waddle, limp, shuffle, prowl, bustle, march, promenade, tiptoe,
swagger, and so on, to name just a few of the recognized walking styles
(Morris, 1985, 233235).
For observers of nonverbals, these walking styles are important because changes in the way people normally walk can reflect changes in
their thoughts and emotions. A person who is normally happy and gregarious might suddenly change his or her walking style when told a
loved one has been injured. Bad or tragic news may cause a person to
sprint out of a room in desperation to help out or it may cause the individual to walk out phlegmatically as though the weight of the world is
on his or her shoulders.
Changes in walking style are important nonverbal behaviors because
they warn us that something might be amiss, that a problem might be
lurking, that circumstances might have changedin short, that something significant might have occurred. A change tells us that we need to
assess why the persons gait has suddenly changed, particularly since such
information can often aid us in dealing more effectively with that individual in upcoming interactions. A persons walk can help us detect
things he or she is unknowingly revealing (see box 17).
Cooperative vs. Noncooperative Feet
If you are dealing with a person who is socializing or cooperative with
you, his or her feet should mirror your own. If, however, someones feet
are pointed away from you while his body faces toward you, you should
ask yourself why. Despite the direction of the body, this is not a genuine
cooperation profile and is indicative of several things that must be explored. Such a pose reflects either the persons need to leave or get away
soon, a disinterest in what is being discussed, an unwillingness to further
assist, or a lack of commitment to what is being said. Note that when
BOX 17:
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CRIME SHOPPERS
Criminals dont always realize just how much information they give away.
When I worked in New York City, my fellow agents and I often watched
street predators as they tried to blend into the crowd. One of the ways in
which they were unsuccessful in doing so, however, was that they frequently walked on the inside of the sidewalk, habitually changing their
walking speed as they aimlessly window shopped. Most people have a
place to go and a task to accomplish, so they walk with purpose. Predators (muggers, drug dealers, thieves, con men) lurk about waiting for their
next victim; therefore their postures and pace are different. There is no
purposeful direction to their travel until they are about to strike. When a
predator vectors toward you, whether a beggar or a mugger, the discomfort you sense is due to the calculations your limbic brain is performing to
try to prevent you from becoming the next target. So, next time youre in a
big city, keep an eye out for predators. If you see a person walking around
with no purpose who suddenly makes a beeline for you, look out! Better
yet, get outas quickly as possible. Even if you just sense this is happening, listen to your inner voice (de Becker, 1997, 133).
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Fig. 26
79
honest and dishonest people will twitch and jiggle. The key factor to consider is at what point do these behaviors start or change. For instance, years
ago Barbara Walters was interviewing Academy Awards nominee Kim
Basinger prior to the awards ceremony. Throughout the interview, Ms. Basinger jiggled her feet and her hands seemed to be very nervous. When Ms.
Walters began to ask Ms. Basinger about some financial difficulties and a
questionable investment she and her then husband had made, Ms. Basingers
foot went from jiggling to kicking. It was instantaneous and remarkable.
Again, this does not mean she was lying or even intended to lie in response
to the question, but it was clearly a visceral reaction to a negative stimulus
(the question asked) and it reflected her disdain for the inquiry.
Anytime there is a shift from foot jiggling to foot kicking in a seated
person, according to Dr. Joe Kulis, it is a very good indicator that the
person has seen or heard something negative and is not happy about it
(see figure 27). While jiggling may be a show of nervousness, kicking is
a subconscious way of combating the unpleasant. The beauty of this behavior is that it is automatic, and most people dont even recognize they
are doing it. You can use this nonverbal body signal to your advantage
by creating questions that will evince the leg-kick response (or any other
dramatic change in nonverbals) to determine what specific inquiries or
Fig. 27
W H AT E V E R Y B O D Y I S S A Y I N G
80
subjects are problematic. In this manner, even hidden facts may be elicited from people, whether they answer the question or not (see box 18).
BOX 18:
Foot Freeze
If a person constantly wiggles or bounces his or her feet or leg(s) and suddenly stops, you need to take notice. This usually signifies that the individual is experiencing stress, an emotional change, or feels threatened in some
way. Ask yourself why the persons limbic system kicked their survival instincts into the freeze mode. Perhaps something was said or asked that
might lead to revealing information the person doesnt want you to know.
Possibly the individual has done something and is afraid you will find him
81
A sudden interlocking of the legs may suggest discomfort or insecurity. When people are comfortable, they
tend to unlock their ankles.
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BOX 19:
83
You should always be on the lookout for multiple tells (tell clusters) that
point to the same behavioral conclusion. They strengthen the likelihood
that your conclusion is correct. In the case of the foot lock, watch for the
individual who locks his feet around his chair legs and then moves his
hand along his pants leg (as if drying his hand on his trousers). The foot
lock is a freeze response and the leg rubbing is a pacifying behavior. The
two, taken together, make it more likely that the person has been uncovered; he fears something he has done will be found out and he is experiencing stress because of this.
Sometimes a person will signal stress by attempting to hide the feet altogether. When you are speaking with someone, watch to see if that individual moves his or her feet from in front of the chair to under the chair. There
is no scientific research (yet) to document what I am about to say. However,
over the years, I have observed that when a high-stress question is asked, the
respondent will often withdraw his or her feet beneath the chair, which
could be seen as a distancing reaction and one that attempts to minimize
the exposed parts of the body. This cue can be used to evince discomfort
about particular issues and help channel the investigative inquiry. As the
observer watches, the intervieweethrough his feet and legswill tell you
those things about which he does not wish to talk. As the subject changes
and becomes less stressful, the feet will emerge again, expressing the limbic
brains relief that the stressful topic is no longer being discussed.
S U M M IN G IT UP
Because they have been so directly critical to our survival throughout human evolution, our feet and legs are the most honest parts of the body.
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FOUR
Torso Tips
Nonverbals of the Torso, Hips, Chest, and Shoulders
his chapter will cover the hips, abdomen, chest, and shoulders,
collectively known as the torso, or trunk. As with the legs and
feet, many of the behaviors associated with the torso reflect
the true sentiments of the emotional (limbic) brain. Because the
torso houses many vital internal organs, such as the heart, lungs,
liver, and digestive tract, we can anticipate that the brain will seek to
diligently protect this area when threatened or challenged. During
times of danger, whether real or perceived, the brain recruits the rest
of the body to guard these crucial organs in ways that range from
the subtle to the more obvious. Lets look at some of the more common nonverbal signals of the torso and some examples of how these
behaviors project what is going on in the brainparticularly the
limbic brain.
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TORSO TIPS
BOX 20:
87
WILY OR WEIRD?
Years ago I was stationed in the New York office of the FBI. During my tenure there, I had numerous opportunities to ride the trains and subways in
and out of the city. It didnt take long to recognize the many different techniques people used to claim territory while on public transport. It seemed
there was always someone who sat on the seat but whose body would sway
from side to side so as to impose on others or whose arms would flail wildly
at times while holding one of the straps. These individuals always seemed
to possess more space around them because no one wanted to get near
them. When forced to sit or stand next to these weirdos, people would
lean at the torso as far as possible so as not to come in contact with them.
You have to ride the subways in New York to appreciate this. I am convinced that some passengers purposely acted strangely and exaggerated
their body movements to keep people at a distance, away from their torsos.
In fact, a long-time resident of New York once told me, If you want to keep
the hordes at bay, act like youre nuts! Perhaps he was right.
they waited for their friends to finish examining the display. Their brains
were, saying, I cant handle this, and so their bodies turned away. The
human species has evolved to the point that not only physical proximity
to a person we dislike can cause us to lean away, but even images of unpleasant things, such as photographs, can cause a torso lean.
As a careful observer of human behavior, you need to be aware that
distancing sometimes takes place abruptly or very subtly; a mere shifting of
body angle of just a few degrees is enough to express negative sentiment.
For example, couples who are pulling apart emotionally will also begin to
pull apart physically. Their hands dont touch as much, and their torsos
actually avoid each other. When they sit side by side, they will lean away
from each other. They create a silent space between them, and when they
are forced to sit next to each other, such as in the back of an automobile,
they will only rotate toward each other with their heads, not their bodies.
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TORSO TIPS
89
Fig. 30
People lean toward each other when there is high comfort and
agreement. This mirroring or isopraxis starts when we are babies.
Fig. 31
We lean away from things and people we dont like, even from colleagues when they say things with which we dont agree.
TORSO TIPS
91
something distasteful one minute and something favorable the next, our
bodies will reflect this shift in our feelings.
A very powerful way to let others know that you agree with them,
or are consciously contemplating what they are saying, is to lean toward
them or to ventrally front them. This tactic is especially effective when
you are in a meeting and you dont have the opportunity to speak up.
The Torso Shield
When it is impractical or socially unacceptable to lean away from someone or something we dislike, we often subconsciously use our arms
or objects to act as barriers (see figure 32). Clothing or nearby objects
Fig. 32
W H AT E V E R Y B O D Y I S S A Y I N G
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BOX 21:
PILLOW TALK
(see box 21) also serve the same purpose. For instance, a businessmen may
suddenly decide to button his jacket when talking to someone with whom
he is uncomfortable, only to undo the jacket as soon as the conversation is
over.
Buttoning a jacket, of course, is not always an indication of discomfort;
often men will button their jackets to formalize a setting or to show deference to their boss. It is not the kind of total comfort we might find at, say, a
barbecue, but neither does it indicate uneasiness. Clothing and how we attend to our clothes can influence perceptions and are even suggestive of how
approachable or open we are to others (Knapp & Hall, 2002, 206214).
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and neck. These are forms of shielding that transmit that the person is
slightly insecure at that moment.
I was in a supermarket checkout line waiting for the woman in front
of me to conclude her transaction. She was evidently using a debit card,
and the machine kept rejecting it. Each time she swiped the card and
entered her pin number, she would await the machines response with
her arms crossed across her chest, until finally she gave up and walked
away, exasperated. Each time the card was rejected, her arms and grip
got tighter, a clear sign that her annoyance and discomfort were escalating (see figures 33 and 34).
Children can be seen to cross or lock their arms across their bodies
when upset or being defiant, even at an early age. These shielding behaviors come in a variety of formsfrom arms crisscrossed over the belly to
crossing the arms high with hands grasping opposite shoulders.
Students often ask me if it means there is something wrong with
them if they sit in class and cross their arms in front of themselves. The
question is not whether something is wrong, nor does this posture mean
they are blocking the teacher out; arms intertwined across the front is a
Fig. 33
Fig. 34
TORSO TIPS
95
very comfortable pose for many people. However, when a person suddenly crosses arms and then interlocks them tightly, with a tight hand
grip, this is indicative of discomfort. Remember, it is by gauging changes
from baseline postures that we can note when uneasiness arises. Watch
to see if the person opens up ventrally as they become more relaxed. I
find that when I give lectures, many of the participants initially will sit
with their arms crossed, and then loosen them over time. Obviously,
something happens to elicit this behavior; probably greater comfort with
their surroundings and their instructor.
It could be argued that women (or men) cross their arms simply because they are cold. But this does not negate the nonverbal meaning, since
cold is a form of discomfort. People who are uncomfortable while being
interviewed (e.g., suspects in criminal investigations, children in trouble
with their parents, or an employee being questioned for improper conduct) often complain of feeling cold during the interview. Regardless of
the reason, when we are distressed the limbic brain engages various systems of the body in preparation for the freeze/flight-or-fight survival response. One of the effects is that blood is channeled toward the large
muscles of the limbs and away from the skin, in case those muscles will
need to be used to escape or combat the threat. As blood is diverted to
these vital areas, some people lose their normal skin tone and will actually
look pale or as if they are in shock. Since blood is the main source of our
body warmth, diverting blood away from the skin and into deeper muscles makes the bodys surface feel cooler (see box 22) (LeDoux, 1996, 131
133). For example, in the interview mentioned earlier in which the young
man clutched the pillow, he complained of being cold the whole time we
were there, even though I turned the air conditioner off. Both his father
and I were fine; he was the only one complaining about the temperature.
The Torso Bow
Bowing at the waist is performed almost universally as a sign of subservience, respect, or humility when feeling honored, such as with applause.
Notice, for example, how the Japanese and, to a lesser extent in modern
W H AT E V E R Y B O D Y I S S A Y I N G
96
BOX 22:
Did you ever wonder why you get an upset stomach if there is an argument at the dinner table? When you are upset, your digestive system no
longer has as much blood as it needs for proper digestion. Just as your
limbic systems freeze, flight, or fight response shunts blood away from
the skin, it likewise diverts blood from your digestive system, sending
blood to your heart and limb muscles (especially the legs) to prepare for
your escape. The upset stomach you feel is a symptom of that limbic
arousal. The next time an argument ensues during a meal, you will recognize the limbic response of distress. A child whose parents fight at the
dinner table really cant finish his meal; his limbic system has trumped
alimentation and digestion to prepare them for escape and survival. Along
these lines, it is interesting to note how many people vomit after experiencing a traumatic event. In essence, during emergencies the body is
saying that there is no time for digestion; the reaction is to lighten the load
and prepare for escape or physical conflict (Grossman, 1996, 6773).
times, the Chinese, bow out of respect and deference. We show that we
are subservient or of lower status when we automatically assume a bowed
or kowtow position, achieved principally by bending the torso.
For Westerners, kowtowing does not come easily, especially when it is
a conscious act. However, as we expand our horizons and interact with
more and more people from various countries of the Near East and Far
East, it behooves us to learn to bow our torsos slightly, particularly when
meeting those who are elderly and have earned respect. This simple gesture of reverence will be recognized by those whose cultures show deference by such posture and will confer a social advantage upon those
Westerners willing to demonstrate it (see box 23). Incidentally, eastern
Europeans, especially older ones, still like to click their heels and bow
slightly out of respect. Every time I see this, I think how charming it is
TORSO TIPS
BOX 23:
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A SUPREME KOWTOW
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Clothing says a lot about us and can do a lot for us. In a sense, our
torsos are billboards upon which we advertise our sentiments. During
courtship, we dress up to enchant; while working we dress for success.
Similarly, the high school letter jacket, the police badge, and the military decoration are all worn on the torso as a way of calling attention to
our achievements. If we want others to notice us, the torso is where its
at. When the president gives his State of the Union address before Congress, the red-garbed women you notice in a sea of blue and gray are
those who, like birds displaying their plumage, are wearing vibrant
colors to be noticed.
Clothing can be very subdued, very sinister (consider skinhead attire or a gothic look), or very flamboyant (such as that of musicians
Liberace or Elton John), reflecting the mood and/or personality of the
wearer. We alternatively can use torso adornments or bare parts of our
torsos to attract others, to show off how muscular or fit we are, or to advertise where we fit in socially, economically, or occupationally. This
may explain why so many people fret excessively about what to wear
when attending a high-profile function or going on a date. Our personal
adornments allow us to show our pedigree or our allegiance to a particular groupfor example, wearing the colors of our favorite team.
Clothing can be very descriptive, such as revealing when people are
celebrating or mourning, if they are of high or low status, whether they
conform to social norms or are part of a sect (e.g., Hasidic Jew, Amish
farmer, or Hare Krishna). In a way, we are what we wear (see box 24).
For years people told me I dressed like an FBI agent, and they were
right. I wore the standard agent uniform: navy blue suit, white shirt,
burgundy tie, black shoes, and short hair.
Obviously, because we have certain employment roles that require
specific attire and since we make conscious choices when it comes to
clothing, we need to be careful in our assessment of what it signifies.
After all, the guy standing outside your door dressed in a telephone repairmans uniform just might be a criminal who purchased or stole the
outfit to gain access to your home (see box 25 on page 100).
Even with the caveats just mentioned, clothing needs to be considered
TORSO TIPS
BOX 24:
Imagine this scenario. You are walking down a sparsely populated street
one evening and you hear someone coming up behind you. You cant see
the persons face or hands clearly in the dark, but you can determine
he is wearing a suit and tie and carrying a briefcase. Now, imagine the
same dark sidewalk, but this time picture that all you can see behind you
is the outline of a person wearing disheveled and baggy clothing, sagging
pants, a tilted cap, a stained T-shirt, and tennis shoes that are worn and
raggedy. In either case, you cant see the person well enough to discern
any other detailsand you are assuming it is a man, based simply on the
clothing. But based on the attire alone, you will likely draw different conclusions about the potential threat each person poses to your safety. Even
if the approaching pace of each man is the same, as the person nears,
your limbic brain will activate, even though your reaction to these individuals will be based exclusively on your reaction to their clothing. Your assessment of the situation will either make you feel comfortable or uncomfortable,
even potentially frightened.
I am not going to tell you which person would make you feel more
comfortable; that is for you to decide. But right or wrong, all other things
being equal, it is their clothing that often greatly influences what we think
of individuals. Although clothing, itself, cannot hurt us physically, it can
affect us socially. Consider how judgmental and suspicious some Americans have become since September 11, 2001, when they see a person
in clothing that reflects a Middle Eastern background. And furthermore,
imagine how some Middle Eastern Americans have been made to feel as
a result.
I tell college students that life is not always fair and that, unfortunately, they will be judged by their attire; therefore they need to think
carefully about their clothing choices and the messages they are sending
to others.
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W H AT E V E R Y B O D Y I S S A Y I N G
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BOX 25:
in the overall scheme of nonverbal assessment. For that reason, it is important that we wear clothes that are congruent with the messages we
want to send others, assuming we want to influence their behavior in a
way that is positive or beneficial to us.
When choosing your wardrobe and accessories, always remain cognizant of the message you are sending with your clothing and the meaning
that others may perceive from your dress. Also consider that although
you may deliberately want to use your attire to send a signal to one person or group of people at a specific time and place, you may have to pass
a lot of other people who are not as receptive to your message along the
way!
At seminars I frequently ask the question, How many of you were
dressed by your mother today? Of course everyone laughs, and no one
raises his hand. Then I say, Well, then, youall of youchose to dress
the way you did. That is when they all look around them and, perhaps
for the first time, realize that they could do a better job of dressing and
presenting themselves. After all, before two people first meet, the only
input each has to go on about the other is physical appearance and other
nonverbal communications. Perhaps its time to consider how you are
being perceived.
TORSO TIPS
101
Preening
When we are physically and mentally well, we take care of our appearance, preening and grooming ourselves accordingly. Humans are not
unique in this regard, as birds and mammals engage in like behaviors.
When we are physically or mentally ill, on the other hand, the posture of
the torso and shoulders, as well as our overall appearance, may signal our
poor health (American Psychiatric Association, 2000, 304307, 350352).
Many unfortunate homeless people are afflicted with schizophrenia and
rarely do they attend to their attire. Their clothes are soiled and grimy,
and many of these individuals will even fight attempts by others to get
them to bathe or wear clean clothing. The mentally depressed person
will stoop as he walks or stands, the weight of the world seemingly
bringing him down.
The phenomenon of poor grooming during illness and sadness has
been noted around the world by anthropologists, social workers, and
health-care providers. When the brain is saddened or we are ill, preening and presentation are among the first things to go (Darwin 1872,
chap. 3, passim). For example, patients recovering from surgery may
walk down the hospital hallway with hair disheveled and in gowns with
their backsides exposed, not caring about personal appearance. When
you are really ill, you may lie around the house looking more unkempt
than you ever would be normally. When a person is really sick or really
traumatized, the brain has other priorities, and preening is simply not
one of them. Therefore, within context, we can use an overall lack of
personal hygiene and/or grooming to make assumptions about a persons state of mind or state of health.
Torso Splays
Splaying out on a couch or a chair is normally a sign of comfort. However, when there are serious issues to be discussed, splaying out is a territorial or dominance display (see figure 35). Teenagers, in particular,
often will sit splayed out on a chair or bench, as a nonverbal way of
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W H AT E V E R Y B O D Y I S S A Y I N G
TORSO TIPS
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W H AT E V E R Y B O D Y I S S A Y I N G
BOX 26:
TORSO TIPS
105
Fig. 36
Fig. 37
person is comfortable and confident with his or her actions. If you see a
persons shoulders only partially rise or if only one shoulder rises, chances
are the individual is not limbically committed to what he or she is saying
and is probably being evasive or even deceptive (see figures 36 and 37).
Weak Shoulder Displays
Speaking of shoulders, be aware of the person who, while conversing or
in reaction to a negative event, moves his or her body so the shoulders
begin to slowly rise toward the ears in a manner that makes the neck
seem to disappear (see figure 38). The key action here is that the shoulders rise slowly. The person displaying this body language is basically
trying to make his head disappear, like a turtle. Such an individual is
lacking confidence and is highly uncomfortable. I have seen this behavior in business meetings when the boss comes in and says, OK, I want
to hear what everyone has been doing. As different people around the
room proudly talk about their accomplishments, the marginal employees
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W H AT E V E R Y B O D Y I S S A Y I N G
Fig. 38
will seemingly sink lower and lower, their shoulders rising higher and
higher in a subconscious attempt to hide their heads.
This turtlelike behavior also shows up in families when the father
says, It really hurt my feelings to find that someone broke my reading
lamp without telling me. As the father looks at each of his children, one
will be looking down, shoulders rising toward the ears. You will also see
these weak shoulder displays demonstrated by a losing football team as
they walk back to the locker-roomtheir shoulders seeming to swallow
up their heads.
TORSO TIPS
107
FIVE
n terms of observing body language, the arms are largely underappreciated. We typically place much more emphasis on the face and hands
when seeking to read nonverbal behavior. In observing for signs of
comfort, discomfort, confidence, or other displays of feeling, the arms
serve well as emotive transmitters.
Since the time our primate ancestors began to walk upright, human
arms were free to be used in remarkable ways. Our arms are able to
carry loads, cast blows, grasp objects, and lift us off the ground. They
are streamlined, agile, and provide a formidable first response to any
outside threat, especially when used in conjunction with the lower limbs.
If someone throws an object at us, our arms rise to block it, instinctively
and accurately. Our arms, like our feet and legs, are so reactive and so
oriented to protect us that they will rise up to defend us even when doing so is illogical or ill-advised. In my work in the FBI, I have seen indi-
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viduals shot in the arm as they used their upper limbs in an attempt to
defend themselves from handgun fire. The thinking brain would realize that an arm simply cannot stop a bullet, yet the limbic brain will
cause our arms to lift and precisely block a projectile traveling at 900
feet per second. In forensic science, such injuries are known as defense
wounds.
Every time you bump your armespecially if you run into something sharpconsider that it may have just protected your torso from a
potentially lethal blow. Once, while holding an umbrella above my head
during a Florida rainstorm, the sharp edge of my car door swung back
on me and struck me in the side, breaking a rib that was left unprotected
by my upraised arm. Since that time, I have a painful memory that reminds me to appreciate my arms and how they protect me.
Because our armslike our feetare designed to assist with our survival, they can be counted upon to reveal true sentiments or intentions.
Therefore, unlike the more variable and deceptive face, the upper limbs
provide solid nonverbal cues that more accurately portray what weand
those around usare thinking, feeling, or intending. In this chapter we
will examine the interpretation of some of the most common arm displays.
BOX 27:
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You dont need a gun to get people to raise their hands above their heads.
Make them happy and theyll do it automatically. In fact, during a holdup
is probably the only time individuals will simultaneously keep their hands
high and be unhappy. Think of how athletes exchange high fives after a
good play; watch football fans raise their arms skyward after the hometown
team scores a touchdown. Gravity-defying arm actions are a common response to joy and excitement. Whether in Brazil, Belize, Belgium, or Botswana, arm waving is a truly universal display of how elated we feel.
box 27). When people are truly energized and happy, their arm motions
defy gravity. As previously mentioned, gravity-defying behaviors are associated with positive feelings. When a person feels good or confident, he
swings his arms affirmatively, such as while walking. It is the insecure
person who subconsciously restrains his arms, seemingly unable to defy the
weight of gravity.
Candidly tell a colleague about a drastic and costly mistake she just
made at work and her shoulders and arms will sink down and droop.
Ever have that sinking feeling? Its a limbic response to a negative event.
Negative emotions bring us down physically. Not only are these limbic
responses honest, but they happen in real time. We leap and thrust our
arms in the air the moment the point is scored, or our shoulders and arms
sink when a referee rules against us. These gravity-related behaviors communicate emotions accurately and at the precise moment we are affected.
Further, these physical manifestations can be contagious, whether at a
football stadium, a rock concert, or in a gathering of great friends.
Arm Withdrawal
When we are upset or fearful, we withdraw our arms. In fact, when we are
injured, threatened, abused, or worried, our arms come straight to our
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sides or they close across our chests. This is a survival tactic that helps protect the individual when a real or perceived danger is sensed. Take, for instance, the mother who is worried about her son while he is playing with
rougher children. She will often cross her arms and fold them across her
abdomen. She wants to intervene but stands aside and restrains herself by
holding her arms, hoping the play proceeds without injury.
When two people are arguing, they may both engage in this armwithdrawal behavior, a very protective behavior of which neither party
may be aware. This restraint has survival value; it protects the body
while presenting a nonprovocative position. In essence, they are holding
themselves back, since extending the arms might be construed as an attempt to strike and injure the other party, causing a fight to ensue.
Self-restraint can assist us not only in dealing with others but also in
dealing with ourselves when we need to be comforted. For instance, injuries or pain in the torso and arms often cause us to restrict arm movement in an attempt to self-soothe or pacify. We may withdraw the arms
toward the painful body region. If you have ever experienced severe intestinal distress, your arms were most likely drawn to your abdomen for
comfort. At moments like this, the arms dont move outward; the limbic
system requires that they attend to our needs closer to home.
Restriction of Arm Movement
Restriction of arm movements, arm freeze, particularly when it occurs in
children, can sometimes have more sinister implications. In studying indicators of child abuse, it has been my experience that these children will restrict their arm movements in the presence of abusive parents or other
predators. This makes perfect survival sense, since all animals, especially
predators, orient toward movement. Instinctively, the abused child learns
that the more he moves, the more likely he is to be noticed, and then potentially targeted by an abuser. So the childs limbic system instinctively selfregulates to make sure his arms do not attract attention. Arm-freeze
behavior can serve to warn caring adults, whether teachers, neighbors, relatives, or friends, that a child might be the victim of abuse (see box 28).
BOX 28:
GUARDIANS ALL
For exercise, I swim regularly at a local pool. Years ago, I became aware
of a young girl who, while normally gregarious and outgoing, would restrain her arms whenever her mother was around. I noticed this response
on several different days. In addition, I noted that the mother frequently
spoke to this young girl using stern, caustic, and demeaning words. In the
physical interactions I witnessed, she often handled her daughter roughly
rather than lovingly, which was very unsettling, but not to the degree of
being criminal. On the final day that I saw the girl, I noticed some bruises
just above her elbows on the ventral side of her arms (the part of the arm
that faces the torso when the arm is hanging normally at the side). At this
point, I could no longer keep my suspicions to myself.
I notified members of the pool staff that I suspected child abuse and
asked them to please keep an eye on the little girl. An employee told me
she was a special needs child, and the bruises might be caused by her
lack of coordination. I sensed that the gravity of my uneasiness wasnt
registering, so I went to the director of the facility and expressed my concerns. I explained that defense wounds from falling do not manifest on
the ventral side of the upper arms, but rather on the elbows or dorsal side
(the outside) of the arms. Also, I knew it was not coincidence that this
child looked like an automaton every time her mother came near. I was
relieved to learn that this matter was later referred to authorities, after others at the swim facility made the same observations.
Let me make a very important point. If you are a parent, teacher,
camp counselor, or school resource officer and you see children severely
change or restrain their arm behavior around their parents or other adults,
at a minimum it should arouse your interest and promote further observation. Cessation of arm movement is part of the limbic systems freeze response. To the abused child, this adaptive behavior can mean survival.
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Maybe I just cant get the FBI out of me, but when I see children at a
playground, I cant help but glance at their arms to note any bruises or
injuries. Sadly, there is so much child abuse in the world, and during my
training I was instructed to look for the signs of neglect and abuse in
children and others. Not only as a result of my career in law enforcement, but also from my years as a father, I know what falling or bumping bruises look like and where they occur on the body. Bruises received
through abuse are not the same. Their locations and appearance are different, and these differences can be detected by the trained eye.
As previously stated, humans use their arms to defend themselves, a
predictable limbic reaction. Because children use their arms to block
their bodies as their primary means of defense (adults may use objects), a
flailing arm is often the first thing an abusive parent will grab. Parents
who aggressively seize children in this way will leave pressure marks on
the ventral side (the inside) of the arms. Especially if the parent shakes
the child in this position, the marks will be deeper in color (from greater
pressure) and have the larger shape of the adult hand or the elongated
shape of the thumb or fingers.
While physicians and public safety officers routinely see marks such
as this on young victims or patients, many of us are just not aware of
their prevalence or significance. If we all learn to observe children carefully and look for the obvious signs of maltreatment, we can all help to
protect innocent children. In saying this, I am not trying to make you
paranoid or unreasonably suspicious, just aware. The more knowledgeable all caring adults are about the appearance of defense wounds and
other abusive injuries in children, and the more we observe for such injuries, the safer our children will be. We want them to be happy and swing
their arms with joy, not restrain them in fear.
Restricted arm behavior is not limited to children. It can also be seen
in adults for a variety of reasons (see, for example, box 29).
A friend of mine, who was a customs inspector in Yuma, Arizona,
told me that one of the things he noticed at the border was how people
carried their handbags and purses when they came into the country. A
person who was worried about the contents of her handbagwhether
BOX 29:
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SHOPLIFTERS TELL
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people being reunited after a long absence. They hold their open arms
straight out. The meaning is clear, Come here, I want to hold you! This
beautiful sight is reminiscent of when our own parents warmly reached out
to us and we responded in kind. Our arms reach out, defying gravity and
opening up our entire body, because our feelings are so genuinely positive.
What happens with our arm movements when we dont really feel
positive emotions? Years ago, when my daughter was young, we were
attending a family get-together, and as a relative approached me, rather
than holding my arms straight out, they were only outstretched from the
elbows, with my upper arms close at my sides. Interestingly, my daughter
likewise adjusted her arms when this relative reached out to hug her.
Subconsciously, I had transmitted that this person was welcome, but that
I was not extremely excited to see her. My daughter responded in kind,
later telling me that she did not like this relative, either. Whether my
daughters feelings were original or whether she had picked up on my
sentiments toward this relative, we had both subconsciously demonstrated, with our less-than-stretched-out arms, how we really felt.
Arm behaviors also help to communicate such everyday messages as:
hello, so long, come here, I dont know, over there, down here,
up there, stop, go back, get out of my sight, and I cant believe
what just happened! Many of these gestures could be understood anywhere in the world and often are employed to overcome language barriers. There are also numerous obscene gestures that involve the arms, some
specific to a given culture, and others that are universally understood.
Arm Cues that Isolate
Certain arm behaviors relay the message, Dont come close to me; dont
touch! For instance, watch some university professors, doctors, or lawyers
as they walk down a hallway, or for that matter, look at the Queen of England or her husband, Prince Philip. When people place their arms behind
their backs, first they are saying, I am of higher status. Second, they are
transmitting, Please dont come near me; I am not to be touched. This
behavior is often misunderstood as merely a pensive or thinking pose, but
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Fig. 39
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BOX 30:
A PET PEEVE
Animal trainers tell me that dogs cant stand it when humans withdraw
their gaze and their arms. In essence, our behavior is telling the dog, I
will not touch you. If you own a dog, try this experiment. Stand in front of
your pet with your outstretched arms and hands in front of you, but not
touching him. Then withdraw your arms behind your back and watch
what happens. I think youll discover the dog will react negatively.
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negative consequencesboth short-lived and long-termand the resulting battles can range from small to great. Territorial disputes encompass
everything from a turf issue on a crowded subway to the war fought between Argentina and Britain over the Falkland Islands (Knapp & Hall,
2002, 157159). Now, here I sit, months after that flight to Calgary, and as
I edit this chapter, I can still sense the discomfort I felt when my seatmate
hogged the armrest. Clearly, territorial displays are significant to us, and
our arms help assert our dominance to others with whom we overlap in
space.
Notice how confident or high-status individuals will claim more territory with their arms than less confident, lower-status persons. A dominant man, for example, may drape his arm around a chair to let everyone
know that this is his domain or, on a first date, might confidently throw
an arm over a womans shoulder as though she were his property. Further, with regard to table manners, be aware that higher-status individuals will usually claim as much territory as possible immediately upon
sitting down, spreading their arms or their objects (briefcase, purse, papers) on the table. If you are new to an organization, watch for those individuals who either use their personal material (notebooks, calendars)
or their arms to claim a larger piece of real estate than most. Even at the
conference table, real estate is equated with power and status; so be observant for this nonverbal behavior and use it to assess an individuals
real or perceived status. Alternatively, the person who sits at the conference table with his elbows against his waist and arms draped between his
legs sends a message of weakness and low confidence.
Arms Akimbo
One territorial behavior used to assert dominance and project an image
of authority is known as arms akimbo. This nonverbal behavior involves
a person extending both arms out in a V pattern with the hands placed
(thumbs backward) on the hips. Watch police officers or military personnel in uniform when they are talking to each other. They almost always
assume the arms-akimbo posture. Although this is part of their authori-
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tative training, it doesnt resonate well in the private sector. Military personnel leaving the service to enter the business world would be well
advised to soften up that image so they dont come across so authoritatively (see figure 40). Minimizing arms akimbo can often ameliorate that
military bearing that civilians often find disconcerting (see box 31).
For women, arms, akimbo may have particular utility. I have taught
women executives that it is a powerful nonverbal display that they can employ when confronting males in the boardroom. It is an effective way for
anyone, especially a woman, to demonstrate that she is standing her ground,
confident, and unwilling to be bullied. Too often young women enter the
Fig. 40
W H AT E V E R Y B O D Y I S S A Y I N G
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BOX 31:
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Fig. 41
Fig. 42
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(see figure 41 and 42). It is often seen when people are inquisitive, yet
concerned. They may approach a situation with this curious arms akimbo
stance (thumbs forward, hands on hips, elbows out) to assess what is going on, and then rotate their hands to thumbs backwards to establish a
more dominant stance of concern if necessary.
Hooding Effect
Another territorial displaysimilar to arms akimbocan often be seen
during business meetings and other seated social encounters when a person leans back and interlaces his hands behind his head (see figure 43). I
spoke to a cultural anthropologist about this behavior, and we both concluded that it is reminiscent of the way in which a cobra hoods to alert
other animals of his dominance and power. This hooding effect makes us
larger than life and tells others, I am in charge here. There is also a
Fig. 43
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pecking order to this and other dominance displays. For instance, while
waiting for a meeting to begin, the office supervisor may assume the interlaced hands-behind-the-head-elbows-out display. However, when the
boss comes into the room, this territorial hooding display will stop. Claiming territory is for those of high status or those in charge. Thus it is the
bosss right to assume this behavior while everyone else will be expected to
bring their hands down to the table in an appropriate show of deference.
Dominant Pose
Often, individuals will use their arms to simultaneously emphasize a point
and claim territory. This happens frequently during interactions where
people are in disagreement over an issue. I recall a recent incident during a
layover in New York wherein a hotel guest approached the front desk with
his arms close to his body and asked the clerk on duty for a favor. When
the favor was rejected, the guest shifted his request to a demand, and his
arms shifted as wellspreading farther and farther apart, claiming more
and more territory as the conversation became increasingly heated. This
arm spread behavior is a powerful limbic response employed to establish
dominance and emphasize a persons point of view (see figure 44). As a
general rule, the meek will pull in their arms; the strong, powerful, or indignant will spread them out to claim more territory (see box 32).
In business meetings, a speaker who takes (and maintains) a large territorial footprint is likely very confident about what is being discussed
(see figure 45). Spread-out arms is one of those nonverbals with high accuracy because it is limbic in origin and proclaims, I am confident.
Conversely, note how quickly someone who is splayed out over several
chairs will withdraw his arms when questioned about something that
makes him feel uncomfortable (see box 33).
Arm Behaviors in Courtship
In courtship behavior, the man will often be the first to put his arm
around his date, particularly when there is a chance that other males
Fig. 44
Fig. 45
Arms spread out over chairs tell the world you are feeling
confident and comfortable.
BOX 32:
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128
BOX 33:
Years ago, I was involved in planning a SWAT operation that was to take
place in Lakeland, Florida. As the mission planner was describing the
operation order, he seemed to have everything covered. His arms were
outstretched over two chairs as he confidently went through the very detailed arrest plan. Suddenly someone asked, What about the Lakeland
paramedics, have they been contacted? Instantly the mission planner
withdrew his arms and dropped them between his knees, palms together.
This was a significant change in territorial behavior. He went from dominating a large space to being as narrow as possible, all because he had
not made the necessary arrangements. His confidence level suddenly
vaporized. This is a striking example of how quickly our behaviors ebb
and flow depending on our mood, level of confidence, or thoughts. These
nonverbals occur in real time and immediately transmit data. When we
are confident we spread out, when we are less confident we withdraw.
this behavior is that we will remove our arms from the vicinity of our
companions arms when the relationship is changing for the worse or
when the individual with whom we are seated (whether a date or a
stranger) is making us feel uncomfortable.
Adornments and Artifacts on the Arms
Around the globe, wealth is often demonstrated through the wearing of
precious items or adornments on the arms. In many parts of the Middle
East, it is still common for women to wear their wealth in the form of
gold rings or bands on their arms, indicating relative worth and status.
Men, too, will wear expensive watches to demonstrate their socioeconomic status or level of wealth. In the 1980s, men in Miami were fanatical about wearing Rolex watches; they were the status symbol du jour
and were ubiquitous among drug traffickers and nouveau riche alike.
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BOX 34:
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SIX
Getting a Grip
Nonverbals of the Hands and Fingers
mong all species, our human hands are uniquenot only in what
they can accomplish, but also in how they communicate. Human
hands can paint the Sistine Chapel, pluck a guitar, maneuver surgical instruments, chisel a David, forge steel, and write poetry. They can
grasp, scratch, poke, punch, feel, sense, evaluate, hold, and mold the world
around us. Our hands are extremely expressive; they can sign for the deaf,
help tell a story, or reveal our innermost thoughts. No other species has
appendages with such a remarkable range of capabilities.
Because our hands can execute very delicate movements, they can
reflect very subtle nuances within the brain. An understanding of hand
behavior is crucial to decoding nonverbal behaviors, for there is practically nothing your hands do that is not directedeither consciously or
subconsciouslyby your brain. Despite the acquisition of spoken language over millions of years of human evolution, our brains are still
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hardwired to engage our hands in accurately communicating our emotions, thoughts, and sentiments. Therefore, whether people are speaking or not, hand gestures merit our attention as a rich source of
nonverbal behavior to help us understand the thoughts and feelings
of others.
GETTING A GRIP
BOX 35:
135
Most successful speakers use very powerful hand gestures. Unfortunately, one of the best examples I can offer of an individual who developed his hand gestures to improve his communication skills is that of
Adolf Hitler. A mere private in the First World War, a painter of greeting
cards, and slight of stature, Hitler had no prequalifications or stage presence that would normally be associated with a gifted, credible orator. On
his own, Hitler began to practice speaking in front of mirrors. Later, he
filmed himself while practicing hand gestures to better hone a dramatic
style of speaking. The rest is history. An evil human being was able to rise
to prominence as leader of the Third Reich through his use of rhetorical
skills. Some of the movies of Hitler practicing his hand gestures still exist
in the archives. They attest to his development as a speaker who capitalized on using his hands to enthrall and control his audience.
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BOX 36:
AN UNDERHANDED EXPERIMENT
When the hands are out of sight or less expressive, it detracts from the perceived quality and honesty of the information being transmitted.
The Power of a Handshake
A handshake is usually the firstand possibly onlyphysical contact we
have with another person. How we do it, including its strength and how
long it is maintained, can affect how we are perceived by the person we are
greeting. We can all remember someone who shook our hand and left us
feeling uncomfortable about them or about the situation. Dont dismiss the
power of a handshake to leave an impression. It is very significant.
GETTING A GRIP
137
Around the world, it is common to use the hands to greet others, although culture dictates variations on how hand greetings are performed,
for how long, and how strong. When I first moved to Utah to attend
Brigham Young University, I was introduced to what fellow BYU students called the Mormon handshake. This is a very strong and lengthy
handshake used extensively not only by the university students, but also
by members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormons). Over the years that I was there, I noticed how foreign students, in
particular, were often taken aback by this rather overzealous handshake,
because in many cultures, especially in Latin America, the handshake is
mild (some preferring to give an abrazo, as previously mentioned).
Since handshaking is usually the first time that two people actually
touch, it can be a defining moment in their relationship. In addition to being used to meet and greet, certain people use it to establish dominance. In
the 1980s, much was written about how you could use the handshake to
establish control and dominance by maneuvering the hand this way and
that way, making sure yours was always on top. What a waste of energy!
I dont recommend hand jousting to create dominance, as our intentions should be to leave positive impressions when we meet others, not
negative ones. If you feel the need to establish dominance, the hands are
not the right way to do so. There are other more powerful tactics, including violation of space and eye-gaze behavior, that are more subtle.
I have shaken hands with people who try to establish dominance through
this greeting, and I have always come away with negative feelings. They
didnt succeed in making me feel inferior, just uncomfortable. There are
also those who insist on touching the inside (ventral) side of your wrist with
their index finger when they shake hands. If it is done to you and you feel
uncomfortable, dont feel surprised, because most people react that way.
Similarly, you will typically feel uncomfortable if someone gives you
what is referred to as a politicians handshake, in which the other party
covers the top of the handshake with his left hand. I suppose politicians
think they are being friendlier with this two-handed gesture, not realizing
that many people dont like being touched that way. I know people (mostly
men) who insist on shaking hands this way and end up creating negative
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feelings in the people they meet. Obviously, you should avoid giving any of
these discomforting handshakes unless you want to alienate someone.
As foreign as it may seem to Westerners, in many cultures men engage in hand-holding behavior. This is very common in the Muslim
world as well as in Asia, especially in Vietnam and Laos. Men in the
United States often are uncomfortable holding hands with each other
because this is not common to our culture beyond childhood or perhaps
in certain religious rituals. When I teach at the FBI Academy, I ask the
young agents to stand and shake hands with each other. They dont have
a problem doing so, even when asked to engage in a prolonged handshake. However, when I ask them to hold hands together side-by-side,
sneers and objections quickly arise; they cringe at the thought, and only
do so with much hesitation. Then I remind the new agents that we deal
with people from many cultures and these individuals often show their
comfort level with us by holding our hands. It is something we, as Americans, need to learn to accept, especially when dealing with human assets
(informants) from other countries (see box 37).
Many cultures use touch to cement positive sentiments between men,
something that is not widespread in the United States. The story of the
Bulgarian gentleman not only reveals cultural differences but also illustrates the importance of physical contact for our species. In interpersonal
relationshipswhether between men, women, parents and children, or
loversit is critical to have physical contact and to assess it to determine
how the relationship stands. One of the signs that a relationship has
soured or is compromised is a sudden decrease in the amount of touching
(assuming it existed). In any relationship, when there is trust there is more
tactile activity.
If you currently travel abroad, or plan to in the future, make sure you
understand the cultural conventions of the country that you are visiting,
particularly with regard to greetings. If someone gives you a weak handshake, dont grimace. If anyone takes your arm, dont wince. If you are in
the Middle East and a person wants to hold your hand, hold it. If you are a
man visiting Russia, dont be surprised when your male host kisses your
cheek, rather than shakes your hand. All of these greetings are as natural a
GETTING A GRIP
BOX 37:
139
When I was assigned to the Manhattan office of the FBI, I worked with an
informant (asset) who had defected from Bulgaria. He was an older gentleman, and as time went on we became friends. I remember being at his
home one afternoon, having tea, which he favored late in the day. We sat
on the couch, and as he told me stories of his work and life behind the
iron curtain, he took my left hand and just held it, for practically a half
hour. As he spoke of his life under Soviet oppression, I could tell this encounter was more about therapy than it was about work. It was clear that
this gentleman took great delight and derived much comfort from holding
the hand of another person. This behavior was a sign of his trust in me as
we spoke; it was much more than a routine FBI debriefing of a former intelligence officer. My acceptance of his hand was highly conducive to his
coming forth with additional and vital information. I always wonder how
much less information I would have received if I had moved my hand
because I feared touching or holding another mans hand.
way to express genuine sentiments as an American handshake. I am honored when an Arab or Asian man offers to take my hand because I know
that its a sign of high respect and trust. Accepting these cultural differences is the first step to better understanding and embracing diversity.
Avoid Using Hand Gestures that Offend Others
In many countries throughout the world, finger pointing is viewed as
one of the most offensive gestures a person can display. Studies show that
people dont like it when someone points a finger at them (see figure 46).
In schools as well as prison yards, finger pointing is often the precursor
to many fights. When talking with their children, parents should be
careful to avoid pointing at them while saying things like I know you
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Fig. 46
did it. The finger pointing is so distasteful that it may actually divert the
childs attention from what is being said as they process the hostile message of the gesture (see box 38).
Finger pointing is just one of many offensive gestures a person can
make with the hand or fingers. Obviously, some are so well known they
need no further comment, such as the bird. Snapping your fingers at
someone is also considered rude; you should never attempt to get someones attention with the same gesture you may use to call your dog. In the
Michael Jackson trial in 2005, the jurors did not appreciate the mother of
one of the victims snapping her fingers at the jury; this had a very negative effect. For those of you interested in further readings on hand gestures around the world, I would highly recommend Bodytalk: The Meaning
of Human Gestures, by Desmond Morris, and Gestures: The Dos and Taboos of Body Language Around the World, by Roger E. Axtell. These two
wonderful books will open your eyes to the diversity of gestures around
the world and the eloquence of the hands in expressing human emotions.
GETTING A GRIP
BOX 38:
141
Research with focus groups has shown that a prosecuting attorney needs
to be very careful when pointing at the defendant with the index finger
during opening statements. Jurors dont like to see such behavior because, in their view, the prosecutor has not earned the right to point until
he or she has proven the case. It is far better to gesture with an open
hand (palm up) at the defendant than with a finger. Once the case is
proven, the prosecutor can then point at the defendant with the index
finger during closing arguments. This may seem trivial. However, dozens
of surveys with mock jurors have shown they are sticklers on this point.
So I simply tell attorneys not to engage in finger pointing in the courtroom.
As for the rest of us, we should not point fingers when dealing with our
spouses or children, nor with our colleagues at work. Pointing is just plain
offensive.
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Fig. 47
GETTING A GRIP
143
may indicate prior military experience. A guitar player may have calluses
on the tips of the fingers on one hand.
Hands also indicate how much we care for ourselves and how we view
social convention. Hands may be tended to or they may be filthy. Nails
may be manicured or look ratty. Long nails on men are seen as odd or
effeminate, and people typically interpret nail-biting as a sign of nervousness or insecurity (see figure 48). Because our brains focus so much on the
hands, you should pay extra attention to hand hygiene, since others will.
Learn How to Manage Sweaty Hands
No one really enjoys shaking a hand that is moist, so I advise people who
develop sweaty hands when meeting others (particularly important people
like potential employers, future in-laws, or individuals in a position to
grant favors) to dry off their hands before they attempt a handshake.
Hand sweating not only occurs when we are excessively warm, it also
happens when we are nervous or under stress. When you make contact
Fig. 48
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with someone who has sweaty hands, you can assume he or she is under
stress (since limbic arousal causes sweating). Use this opportunity to win
some interpersonal points by unobtrusively doing what you can to help the
person calm down. Putting people at ease when they are stressed is one of
the best ways to insure more honest, effective, and successful interactions.
There are people who erroneously believe that if you have sweaty
palms, you must be lying. This is simply not accurate. The same part of
the nervous system that is activated during the limbic freeze, flight, or
fight response (the sympathetic nervous system) also governs our sweat
glands. Since something as simple as meeting someone new can cause
sweaty hands, this phenomenon must not be construed as indicative of
deception. Approximately 5 percent of the population sweats profusely,
and chronic perspiration makes the palms uncomfortably sweaty (a condition known as hyperhidrosis) (Collett, 2003, 11). Sweaty palms are not
indicative of deception. They are only indicative of stress or, in some cases,
a genetic disorder. Be careful when evaluating the reasons for moist hands.
Although some sources state that a person is lying if his palms are sweaty,
this is simply not true.
R E A D IN G N ON VER B A LS O F T HE HANDS
Up to this point, we have been examining how our hand behaviors and
appearance can influence the way others perceive us. Now lets examine
some nonverbals of the hands that will help us read what other people
are thinking and feeling. Ill start with a few general comments about
how our hands reveal information and then turn to some specific hand
behaviors of high and low confidence that can be useful in understanding the people we encounter.
Nervousness in the Hands Sends an Important Message
The muscles that control our hands and fingers are designed for precise and fine movements. When the limbic brain is aroused and we are
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BOX 39:
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As a general guideline, any shaking behavior that starts or stops suddenly, or is somehow markedly different from baseline behavior, deserves
further scrutiny. Considering the context in which the shaking occurs,
when it occurs, and any other tells that might support a specific interpretation will improve your ability to read a person correctly.
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Fig. 49
other while remaining fingers are interlaced). Some steeple under the
table; others do it high in front of them; some even steeple above their
heads.
In people who are unaware of the powerful nonverbal meaning of
steepling, the response can persist for significant periods of time, particularly if circumstances stay positive for them. Even when people are aware
that steepling is a tell, they still have difficulty concealing it. In these individuals, the limbic brain has made it such an automatic response that
steepling displays are difficult to overcome, because particularly when
an individual is excited, he or she forgets to monitor and control the
reaction.
Circumstances can change quickly and alter our reactions to things
and people. When this happens, we can transition from a high-confidence steepling display to a low-confidence hand gesture in milliseconds.
When our confidence is shaken or doubt has entered our minds, our
steepled fingers may interlace as in prayer (see figure 50). These changes
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Fig. 50
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W H AT E V E R Y B O D Y I S S A Y I N G
BOX 40:
possess. I hope that as they recognize the power of the steeple as an indicator of self-assurance, competence, and confidencetraits most individuals would want to be recognized as possessingmore women will
embrace this gesture and display it above the table.
THUMB DISPLAYS
It is interesting how verbal language sometimes mirrors nonverbal language. When movie critics give a film two thumbs up, it indicates their
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Fig. 51
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Fig. 52
Fig. 53
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Fig. 54
Thumbs in the pocket indicate low status and
confidence. People in authority should avoid
this display because it sends the wrong
message.
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BOX 41:
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Fig. 55
Genital Framing
Men sometimes, subconsciously, will hook their thumbs inside their
waistbands on either side of the zipper and either pull up their pants or
even let their thumbs hang there, as their dangling fingers frame their
genitals (see figure 56). Genital framing is a powerful dominance display.
In essence, it is saying, Check me out, I am a virile male.
Not long after starting to write this book, I discussed this nonverbal behavior when teaching a class at the FBI in Quantico, Virginia.
The students scoffed, saying that no man, especially subconsciously,
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Fig. 56
Using the hands to frame the genitals is often
seen with young males and females during the
courtship years. It is a dominance display.
would be that blatant about his sexuality. The very next day, one of
the students came back and told the class that he had observed a student in the bathroom who stood in front of the mirror, preened himself, put on his sunglasses, and just for a moment did some genital
framing before he proudly exited the bathroom. I am sure that the
guy wasnt even thinking about what he was doing. But in fact, genital framing occurs more often than we think, and not only in country western videos! Remember the Fonz in the TV series Happy
Days?
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BOX 42:
The tendency for liars to be less animated in their gestures was a major
reason I didnt believe a young woman who had told local sheriff s deputies that her six-month-old son had been kidnapped in the parking lot of
a Wal-Mart in Tampa, Florida. As the woman told her story, I observed her
from a monitoring room. After witnessing her behavior, I told the investigators that I didnt believe the totality of her story; her demeanor was too
subdued. When people tell the truth, they make every effort to ensure that
you understand them. They gesticulate with their arms and face and are
emphatically expressive. Not so with this suspect. The retelling of a horrific kidnapping story by a loving and distraught mother would have been
accompanied by more demonstrative, ardent behaviors. Their absence
was alerting to us. Eventually the woman confessed that she had actually
killed her child by stuffing him in a plastic garbage bag. The kidnapping
story was a total fabrication. The freeze response of her limbic system
that restrained her movements betrayed the lie.
blood being forced away from the tension points. Matters clearly are getting worse as this behavior manifests.
Interlaced Stroking or Rubbing of the Hands
A person who is in doubt (a lesser degree of lowered confidence) or under low stress will only slightly rub the palms of his hands together (see
figure 57). However, if the situation becomes more stressful or if his confidence level continues to fall, watch how suddenly gentle finger-to-palm
stroking transitions to more dramatic rubbing of interlaced fingers (see
figure 58). The interlacing of fingers is a very accurate indicator of high
distress that I have seen in the most acute of interviewsboth in the FBI
and in people testifying before Congress. As soon as an extremely delicate subject comes up, the fingers straighten and intertwine, as the hands
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Fig. 57
Fig. 58
FPO
text: #58
We often pacify anxiety or
nervousness by stroking our fingers
across the palm or rubbing our
hands together.
begin to rub up and down. I speculate that the increased tactile contact
between the hands provides the brain with more pacifying messages.
Neck Touching
I am discussing neck touching in this chapter on hand behaviors because
if you keep an eye on the hands, they eventually take you to the neck.
People who touch their necks (anywhere) while speaking are, in fact, reflecting lower-than-normal confidence or are relieving stress. The covering of the neck area, throat, and/or the suprasternal notch during times
of stress is a universal and strong indicator that the brain is actively processing something that is threatening, objectionable, unsettling, questionable, or emotional. It has nothing to do with deception, although
deceptive people may demonstrate such behavior if they are troubled. So
again, keep your eyes on the hands, and as feelings of discomfort and
distress surface in people, their hands will rise to the occasion, and cover
or touch their neck.
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BOX 43:
Sometimes not covering the neck can be a telltale clue that something is
amiss. I once assisted a local law enforcement agency with a case involving an alleged rape. The woman who reported this assault had reported
three separate rapes in a five-year period, a statistically unlikely history.
As I watched her videotaped interview, I noticed that while she spoke of
how frightened she was and how terrible she felt, she was extremely passive and never once covered her suprasternal notch as she told the story.
I found her lack of behavior suspicious and pointed it out to the investigators. The woman simply was not showing typical signs of distress. In
fact, I have investigated other rape cases in which women will cover their
suprasternal notch while recounting the crime even decades after it occurred. Upon further investigation, the impassive womans case fell apart.
In the end, we learned she had fabricated all her allegationscosting the
city thousands of dollarsmerely because she thrived on the attention
given to her by responding officers, investigating detectives, and victim
advocates, all of whom initially believed her and wanted to help.
I cant tell you how many thousands of times I have seen this behavior, yet most people are unaware of its significance (see box 43). Just recently I was chatting with a friend outside a conference room when a
female associate walked out with one hand over her neck dimple and
the other holding a cell phone. My friend continued to converse as if
nothing were wrong. When the woman on the cell phone ended her
call, I said, Wed better go check on her, somethings not right. Sure
enough, one of her kids had come down with a high fever at school and
needed to go home as soon as possible. Neck touching is one of those
behaviors that is so reliable and accurate that it truly merits our close
attention.
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BOX 44:
In his remarkable book Telling Lies, Dr. Paul Ekman describes his research using high-speed cameras to reveal microgestures that subconsciously communicate an individuals disfavor or true emotions (Ekman,
1991, 129131). One such microgesture noted by Dr. Ekman is giving the
bird. In a major national security case in which I was personally involved
as an observer, a subject repeatedly used his middle (bird) finger to
push his glasses into position whenever the lead Justice Department interviewer (whom he despised) asked him questions. This behavior was
not observed with other interviewers, but only with the interviewer the
subject plainly did not like. At first we did not believe we were seeing such
an obvious but fleeting gesture that was so clearly limited to a single interviewer. Fortunately, the interviews were videotaped as part of a legal proffer (i.e., the subject agrees to cooperate in consideration for a lighter
sentence), so we could review the tape to confirm what we were seeing.
Perhaps equally interesting, the chief interviewer never saw the bird
behavior and, when told about it, refused to accept that it was indicative
of the interviewees antipathy. When it was all over, however, the interviewee commented harshly on how much he despised the chief interviewer, and it was quite evident that he tried to subvert the interview
because of this clash of personalities.
Microgestures of the hands come in many forms, including pushing
the hands downward along the legs and then lifting the bird finger at the
moment the palms reach the knees. This has been observed in both men
and women. Again, these microgestures occur very quickly and can be
obscured easily by other activities. Watch for these behaviors and do not
dismiss them, if observed. At a minimum, microgestures should be examined in context as indicators of enmity, dislike, contempt, or disdain.
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threatened. The behavior suggested to me that the husband was concealing something. As it turned out, he had been pilfering money from the
couples joint checking account to support a gambling habit, a vice that
eventually cost him his marriage. His guilty knowledge of the covert
withdrawals explained the reason his hands withdrew from the table.
Although the motion was a gradual change, it was sufficient to cause me
to suspect that something was wrong.
One of the most important observations you can make in relation to
the hands is noticing when they go dormant. When the hands stop illustrating and emphasizing, it is usually a clue to a change in brain activity (perhaps because of a lack of commitment) and is cause for heightened
awareness and assessment. Although, as weve noted, hand restriction
can signal deception, do not immediately jump to this conclusion. The
only inference you can draw at the moment the hands go dormant is that
the brain is communicating a different sentiment or thought. The change
may simply reflect less confidence or less attachment to what is being
said for a variety of reasons. Remember, any deviation from normal hand
behaviorbe it an increase, a decrease, or just something unusual
should be considered for its significance.
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SEVEN
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W H AT E V E R Y B O D Y I S S A Y I N G
Fig. 59
see how tense Bills jaw got when I made that proposal? Only to hear
his partner respond, No, I didnt catch that (see box 45). We miss facial
cues because we have been taught not to stare and/or because we concentrate more on what is being said than on how it is being said.
Keep in mind that people often work at hiding their emotions, making them more difficult to detect if we are not conscientious observers. In
addition, facial cues may be so fleetingmicrogesturesthat they are
difficult to pick up. In a casual conversation, these subtle behaviors may
not be of much significance, but in an important interpersonal interaction (between lovers, parents and children, business associates, or at an
employment interview), such seemingly minor displays of tension may
reflect deep emotional conflict. Since our conscious brains may try to
mask our limbic emotions, any signals that reach the surface are critical to detect, as they may yield a more accurate picture of a persons
deep-rooted thoughts and intentions.
Although many joyous facial expressions are easily and universally
recognized, these nonverbal tells may also be suppressed or concealed for
BOX 45:
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BOX 46:
Not long ago I was waiting for a flight out of Baltimore when the man next
to me at the ticket counter received the good news that he was being
upgraded to first class. As he sat down he tried to suppress a smile, since
to gloat over his good fortune would be seen as rude by other passengers
waiting for an upgrade. Based on his facial expression alone, to declare
he was happy would have been a marginal call. Then, however, I overheard him call his wife to tell her the good news, and although he spoke
quietly so those seated nearby couldnt hear the conversation, his feet
were bouncing up and down like those of a young child waiting to open
his birthday gifts. His happy feet provided collaborative evidence of his
joyful state. Remember, look for clusters of behavior to solidify your observations.
relaxed and comfortable, facial muscles relax and the head will tilt to the
side, exposing our most vulnerable area, the neck (see figure 60). This is
a high-comfort displayoften seen during courtshipthat is nearly impossible to mimic when we are uncomfortable, tense, suspicious, or
threatened (see box 47).
INTERPRETING NONVERBAL
BEHAVIORS OF THE EYES
Our eyes have been called the windows of the soul, so it seems appropriate to examine these two portals for nonverbal messages of emotions or
thoughts. Despite music lyrics such as your lyin eyes, our eyes do express a lot of useful information. In fact, the eyes can be very accurate
barometers of our feelings because, to some degree, we have very little
control over them. Unlike other areas of the face that are far less reflexive
in their movements, evolution has modified muscles in and around the
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BOX 47:
Try to tilt your head in an elevator full of strangers and leave it that way for
the complete duration of the ride. For most people this is extremely difficult to accomplish, because head tilt is a behavior reserved for times
when we are truly comfortableand standing in an elevator surrounded
by strangers is certainly not one of those times. Try tilting your head while
looking directly at someone in the elevator. You will find that even more
difficult, if not impossible.
eyes to protect them from hazards. For example, muscles inside the eyeball protect the delicate receptors from excessive light by constricting the
pupil, and muscles around the eyes will close them immediately if a dangerous object comes near. These automatic responses help make the eyes
a very honest part of our face, so lets examine some specific eye behaviors
Fig. 60
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that can help us achieve insight into what people are thinking and how
they intend to act.
Pupilary Constriction and Squinting as a Form of Eye Blocking
Research has shown that once we move beyond a startle response, when
we like something we see, our pupils dilate; when we dont, they constrict
(see figure 61) (Hess, 1975a; Hess, 1975b). We have no conscious control
over our pupils, and they respond to both external stimuli (for example,
changes in light) and internal stimuli (such as thoughts) in fractions of a
second. Because the pupils are small and difficult to see, particularly in
dark eyes, and since changes in their size occur rapidly, pupil reactions
are difficult to observe. Although these eye behaviors are very useful,
people often dont look for them, ignore them, or, when they see them,
undervalue their utility in assessing a persons likes and dislikes.
When we become aroused, are surprised, or are suddenly confronted,
our eyes open upnot only do they widen, but the pupils also quickly
dilate to let in the maximum amount of available light, thus sending the
maximum amount of visual information to the brain. Obviously, this
startle response has served us well over millennia. However, once we have
a moment to process the information and if it is perceived negatively (it is
an unpleasant surprise or an actual threat), in a fraction of a second the
pupils will constrict (Ekman, 2003, 151) (see box 48). By constricting the
Fig. 61
In this diagram you can see pupil dilation and constriction. From birth we
find comfort in dilated pupils, especially those with whom we are
emotionally attached.
BOX 48:
In 1989, while working with the FBI on a matter involving national security, we repeatedly interviewed a spy who, while being cooperative, was
nevertheless reluctant to name his co-conspirators involved in espionage.
Attempts to appeal to his sense of patriotism and his concern for the millions of people he was placing in harms way got us nowhere; things were
at an impasse. It was essential that this mans other associates be identified; they were still at large and presented a serious threat to the United
States. Left with no alternatives, Marc Reeser, a friend and brilliant intelligence analyst with the FBI, suggested using nonverbals in an attempt to
glean the information we needed.
We presented this spy with thirty-two three-by-five-inch cards prepared by Mr. Reeser, each with the name of someone with whom the
felon had worked, and who potentially could have assisted him. As he
looked at each card, the man was asked to tell, in general terms, what
he knew about each individual. We werent specifically interested in the
mans answers, since clearly words can be dishonest; rather, we were
watching his face. When he saw two names in particular, his eyes first
widened in recognition, and then his pupils quickly constricted and he
squinted slightly. Subconsciously, he clearly did not like seeing these
two names and somehow felt in danger. Perhaps those individuals had
threatened him not to reveal their names. This pupilary constriction
and slight squinting were the only clues we had as to the identity of his
co-conspirators. He was not aware of his nonverbal signals, and we did
not comment on them. However, had we not looked for this eye behavior, we never would have identified those two individuals. The two accomplices were eventually located and interviewed, at which time they
confessed their involvement in the crime. To this day, the subject of
that interview does not know how we were able to identify his fellow
culprits.
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Fig. 62
We squint to block out light or objectionable things. We squint when we are angry
or even when we hear voices, sounds, or
music we dont like.
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Fig. 63
and dislike (seven years in the making). My daughter was unaware that
her squinting behavior had given away her true feelings about the girl,
yet the information stood out like a beacon to me (see figure 63).
The same phenomenon is seen in the business world. When customers or clients suddenly squint while reading a contract, they are likely
struggling with something in the wording of the text, the discomfort or
doubt registering immediately in their eyes. Most likely these business
associates will be totally unaware they are transmitting this very clear
message of disagreement or dislike.
In addition to squinting when ill at ease, some individuals will lower
their eyebrows after observing something unsettling in their environment. Arched eyebrows signify high confidence and positive feelings (a
gravity-defying behavior), whereas lowered eyebrows are usually a sign
of low confidence and negative feelings, a behavior that indicates weakness and insecurity in a person (see box 49).
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BOX 49:
Eyebrow squints can have several different meanings. In order to differentiate among these, you need to assess the degree of the eyebrow movement and the context in which it takes place. For instance, we sometimes
lower our eyebrows and squint when being aggressive or confrontational.
Likewise, we lower the eyebrows in the face of real or imagined danger or
threats. We also do this when we are annoyed, feel displeasure, or are
angry. If, however, we drop the eyebrows too low, as may be seen in a
very defeated child, it is a universal sign of weakness and insecurity. It is
a behavior of obsequiousness, fawning, or submissivenessconsistent
with kowtowing or coweringand may be capitalized upon by social
predators, such as psychopaths. In studies, prisoners have reported that
when new inmates arrive at jail, they look for this troubled, lowered-eyebrow behavior in the newcomers to reveal which ones are weak and insecure. In your social and business interactions, you can watch for these
eyebrow movements to probe for weakness or strength in others.
Fig. 64
Fig. 66
Fig. 65
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most likely as you heard the information your eyelids closed for a few
moments. This type of blocking behavior is very ancient in origin and
hardwired in our brains; even babies innately eye block within the womb
when confronted with loud sounds. Even more amazing is the fact that
children who are born blind will cover their eyes when they hear bad
news (Knapp & Hall, 2002, 4252). Throughout our lives we employ this
limbic-driven eye-blocking behavior when we hear something terrible,
despite the fact that it neither blocks our hearing nor the thoughts that
follow. Perhaps it simply serves to give the brain a temporary respite or to
communicate our deepest sentiments, but regardless of the reason, the
brain still compels us to perform this behavior.
Eye blocking takes many forms and can be observed at any tragic
event, whether bad news is being broadcast or as tragedy is about to befall us. People may cup a hand completely over both eyes, put one open
hand over each eye, or block the entire face with an object, such as a
newspaper or book. Even internal information in the form of a thought
can compel this response. A person who suddenly remembers he forgot
something important may momentarily close his eyes and take a deep
breath as he ponders his blunder.
When interpreted in context, eye-blocking behaviors can be powerful
indicators of a persons thoughts and feelings. These distancing clues occur in real time as soon as something negative is heard. During conversation, this is one of the best signals to let us know that something spoken
did not sit well with the person hearing the information.
I have repeatedly used eye-blocking behavior as a tell in my work with
the FBI. The ice-pick murder and the hotel fire in Puerto Rico, discussed earlier in this book, are only two of the many, many times I witnessed the significance of this eye behavior. I still watch for eye-blocking
behavior on a daily basis to assess the feelings and thoughts of others.
While eye-blocking behaviors are usually associated with seeing or
hearing something negative that causes us discomfort, they can also be an
indication of low confidence. As with most other tells, the eye-blocking
response is most reliable and valuable when it happens immediately after
a significant event that you can identify. If an eye block occurs right after
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Fig. 69
Fig. 68
Fig. 70
BOX 50:
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these causes is difficult; essentially all you can do is look for a decrease in
brow raises, or their sudden absence, to alert you that something has
changed. It is remarkable how often people will change their facial emphasis (their eyebrow flashes) as they become less and less committed to
what they are saying or doing.
Eye-Gaze Behavior
It is universal that when we look directly at others, we either like them,
are curious about them, or want to threaten them. Lovers stare into each
others eyes with great frequency, as do mother and child; but so do
predators who use a direct gaze to either mesmerize or threaten (think
of stares of Ted Bundy and Charles Manson). In other words, the brain
employs a single eye behaviora strong gazeto communicate love,
interest, or hate. Therefore, we must rely on other facial displays that accompany eye-gaze behavior to determine liking (a relaxed smile) or dislike
(tightened jaws, compressed lips).
Conversely, when we gaze away during a conversation, we tend to do so
to engage a thought more clearly without the distraction of looking at the
person with whom we are talking. This behavior is often mistaken as rudeness or as personal rejection, which it is not. Nor is it a sign of deception or
disinterest; in fact, it is actually a comfort display (Vrij, 2003, 8889). When
talking to friends, we routinely look in the distance as we converse. We do
this because we feel comfortable enough to do so; the limbic brain detects no
threats from this person. Do not assume someone is being deceptive, disinterested, or displeased just because he or she looks away. Clarity of thought
is often enhanced by looking away, and that is the reason we do it.
There are many other reasons for looking away from a speaker. A
downward gaze may demonstrate that we are processing a sentiment
or a feeling, conducting an internal dialogue, or perhaps demonstrating submissiveness. In many cultures, a downward gaze or other form
of eye aversion is expected in the face of authority or in the presence of
a high-status individual. Often children are taught to look down humbly when being chastised by a parent or adult (Johnson, 2007, 277290).
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In embarrassing situations, onlookers may avert their eyes out of courtesy. Never assume that a downward gaze is a sign of deception.
In all cultures in which it has been studied, science validates that
those who are dominant have more freedom in using eye-gaze behavior.
In essence, these individuals are entitled to look wherever they want.
Subordinates, however, are more restricted in where they can look and
when. Humility dictates that in the presence of royalty, as in church,
heads are bowed. As a general rule, dominants tend to ignore subordinates visually while subordinates tend to gaze at dominant individuals at
a distance. In other words, higher-status individuals can be indifferent
while lower-status persons are required to be attentive with their gaze.
The king is free to look at anyone he wants; but all subjects face the king,
even as they back out of a room.
Many employers have told me that they dislike it during an interview
when applicants eyes are wandering all over the room as though they
own the place. Because roving eyes make a person look disinterested or
superior, doing so always leaves a bad impression. Even if you are attempting to ascertain whether or not you would like to work there, you
will likely never get the chance if your eyes do not focus on the person
speaking during a job interview.
Eye-Blink / Eye-Flutter Behavior
Our blink rate increases when we are aroused, troubled, nervous, or
concerned, and it returns to normal when we are relaxed. A series of
rapid eye blinks may reflect an inner struggle. For instance, if someone
says something we dont like, we may actually flutter our eyelids. Similarly, we might also do so if we are having trouble expressing ourselves
in a conversation (see box 51). Eyelid flutter is very much indicative of
a struggle either with our performance or with the delivery or acceptance of information. Perhaps more than any other actor, British actor
Hugh Grant uses eyelid flutter to communicate that he is befuddled,
nonplussed, struggling, or otherwise in trouble.
Students of nonverbal communication often note how President
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BOX 51:
FLUTTER FOCUS
Observing for eyelid flutter can help you read people and adjust your behavior accordingly. For instance, in a social gathering or business meeting, the socially adept will look for this behavior to assess participants
comfort. Something is troubling the individual whose lids are quivering.
This nonverbal is very accurate, and in some people it will start precisely
at the moment an issue arises. For instance, in conversation, an onset of
eyelid flutter indicates the subject has become controversial or unacceptable and a change of topic is probably in order. The sudden appearance
of this nonverbal signal is important and should not be ignored, if you
want your guests to be comfortable. Since people vary in their blink rate
or eyelid flutteringparticularly if they are adjusting to new contact
lensesyou should look for changes in flutter rate, such as a sudden
absence or increase in flutter, to gain insight into a persons thoughts and
feelings.
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Fig. 71
question the validity of what they are saying. Sometimes this body signal is very quick; at other times it may be almost sarcastically exaggerated and last throughout an encounter. While more curious or wary
than clearly disrespectful, this nonverbal is fairly easy to spot and its
message is, I am listening to you but I am not buying what youre sayingat least not yet.
UNDERSTANDING NO NVERBAL
BEHAVIORS OF THE MOUTH
Like the eyes, the mouth provides a number of relatively reliable and
noteworthy tells that can assist you in dealing more effectively with people. Like the eyes, the mouth can also be manipulated by the thinking
brain to send out false signals, so caution must be exercised in interpretation. That said here are some focal points of interest with regard to the
body language of the mouth.
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BOX 52:
With practice, it wont take you long to distinguish between a fake smile
and the real thing. One easy way to speed the learning process is to
watch how people you know greet others based on how they feel about
them. For example, if you know your business partner feels good about
individual A and dislikes individual B and both have been invited to an
office party he is hosting, watch his face as he meets each person at the
door. Youll be able to distinguish the two types of smiles in no time at all!
Once you can distinguish between a false and real smile, you can use
it as a barometer of how people really feel about you and you can respond
accordingly. You can also look for the different types of smiles to gauge
how your ideas or suggestions are coming across to the listener. Ideas
that are greeted with genuine smiles should be explored further and put
on the fast-track to-do list. Suggestions that are met with the fake smile
should be reevaluated or put on the back burner.
This smile barometer works with friends, spouses, co-workers, children, and even your boss. It provides information about peoples feelings
in all types and phases of interpersonal interaction.
Fig. 72
187
Fig. 73
When we exhibit a social or false smile, the lip corner stretches sideways through the use of a muscle called the risorius. When used bilaterally, these effectively pull the corners of the mouth sideways but
cannot lift them upward, as is the case with a true smile (see figure 73).
Interestingly, babies several weeks old will already reserve the full zygomatic smile for their mothers and utilize the risorius smile for all
others. If you are unhappy, it is unlikely that you will be able to smile
fully using both the zygomaticus majoris and the orbicularis oculi
muscles. Real smiles are difficult to fake when we have a sincere lack of
emotion.
Disappearing Lips, Lip Compression, and the Upside-Down U
If it seems like the lips have disappeared from every photograph you
have seen recently of anyone testifying before Congress, it is because
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Fig. 74
BOX 53:
189
Fig. 75
Fig. 77
Fig. 76
Fig. 78
191
Fig. 79
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W H AT E V E R Y B O D Y I S S A Y I N G
BOX 54:
193
NOTHING TO SNEER AT
figure 80). A sneer can be very illuminating with regard to what is going on in a persons mind and what that may portend (see box 54).
Tongue Displays
There are numerous tongue signals that can provide us with valuable
insights into a persons thoughts or moods. When we are stressed, causing our mouth to be dry, it is normal to lick our lips to moisten them.
Also, during times of discomfort, we tend to rub our tongues back and
forth across our lips to pacify and calm ourselves. We may stick out the
tongue (usually to the side) as we focus assiduously on a task (for example
when basketball great Michael Jordan goes up for a dunk) or we may
poke out our tongue to antagonize someone we dislike or to show disgust
(children do this all the time).
When an individual displays other mouth cues associated with stress,
such as lip biting, mouth touching, lip licking, or object biting, it further
bolsters a careful observers belief that the person is insecure (see figure
81). Additionally, if people touch and/or lick their lips while pondering
their options, particularly when they take an unusual amount of time,
these are signs of insecurity.
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Fig. 81
195
Fig. 82
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Fig. 84
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W H AT E V E R Y B O D Y I S S A Y I N G
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BOX 55:
BOX 56:
Just how accurate is this disgust gesture in revealing our inner thoughts
and intentions? Heres a personal example. While I was visiting with a
friend and his fiance, he spoke of their upcoming marriage and honeymoon plans. Unbeknownst to him, I witnessed her make a facial microgesture of disgust as he uttered the word marriage. It was an extremely
fleeting gesture, and I thought it odd since the topic appeared to be
something about which both of them should have been excited. Months
later, my friend called to tell me that his fiance had backed out of the
wedding. I had seen, in that single gesture, her brain registering its true
sentiments without equivocation. The thought of going through with the
marriage was repulsive to her.
Fig. 84
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Fig. 85
Fig. 86
203
abroad and noted how one politician, when asked a question he deemed
beneath him, merely raised his nose high, looking down on the reporter, and answered No, I will not answer that. The nose reflected
his status and attitude of contempt for the reporter. Charles de Gaulle,
a rather complex individual who eventually became the president of
France, was famous for projecting this kind of haughty attitude and
image.
The Rule of Mixed Signals
Sometimes we dont say what were really thinking, but our faces reflect
it anyway. For example, someone who is looking repeatedly at his watch
or at the nearest exit is letting you know he is either running late, has an
appointment, or would rather be elsewhere. This kind of look is an intention cue.
Other times, we say one thing but really believe otherwise. This
brings us to a general rule when it comes to interpreting emotions and/
or words by looking at facial expressions. When confronted with mixed
signals from the face (such as happiness cues along with anxiety signals
or pleasure behaviors seen alongside displeasure displays), or if the verbal and nonverbal facial messages are not in agreement, always side
with the negative emotion as the more honest of the two. The negative
sentiment will almost always be the more accurate and genuine of the
persons feelings and emotions. For instance, if someone says, So happy
to see you, with jaws tightened, the statement is false. The tension in
the face reveals the true emotion the person is feeling. Why side with the
negative emotion? Because our most immediate reaction to an objectionable situation is usually the most accurate; it is only after a moment
when we realize that others might see us that we mask that initial response with some facial behavior that is more socially acceptable. So
when confronted with both, go with the first emotion observed, especially if it is a negative emotion.
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EIGHT
Detecting Deception
Proceed with Caution!
hroughout the book, weve touched on many examples of nonverbal behavior, the body signals we can utilize to better understand
the feelings, thoughts, and intentions of others. By now, I hope you
have been persuaded that with these nonverbal clues, you can accurately
assess what every body is saying, in any setting. There is, however, one
type of human behavior that is difficult to read, and that is deception.
You might assume that as a career FBI agent who has at times been
called a human lie detector, I can spot deceit with relative ease, and even
teach you to become a personal polygraph in short order. Nothing could
be further from the truth! In reality, it is extremely difficult to detect
deceptionfar more so than getting an accurate read on the other behaviors we have discussed throughout this book.
It is precisely because of my experience as an FBI agent involved in
behavioral analysisa person who has spent his entire career attempting
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to detect liesthat I recognize and appreciate the difficulties in accurately assessing deceptive behavior. It is also for that reason that I have
chosen to devote an entire chapterand to end this bookwith a realistic appraisal and application of nonverbal behaviors in detecting deception. Lots of books have been written on this subject that make it sound
easy, even for amateurs. I assure you, it is not!
I believe this is the first time a career law enforcement and counterintelligence officer with a considerable background in this field, and
who still teaches in the intelligence community, has stepped forward to
sound this warning: most peopleboth laypersons and professionalsare not very good at detecting lies. Why make this statement?
Because, unfortunately, I have seen too many investigators misinterpret
nonverbal behaviors over the years, making innocent people feel culpable or unnecessarily uncomfortable. I have also seen both amateurs
and professionals make claims that are outrageous, ruining lives in the
process. Too many people have gone to jail for giving false confessions
just because an officer mistook a stress response for a lie. Newspapers
are replete with horror stories, including the one about the New York
Central Park jogger, wherein officers mistook nonverbals of stress for
deception and pressured the innocent into confessions (Kassin, 2004,
172194; Kassin, 2006, 207227). It is my hope that readers of this book
will have a more realistic and honest picture of what can and cannot be
achieved through the nonverbal approach to detecting deception, and,
armed with this knowledge, they will take a more reasoned, cautious
approach to declaring when a person is or is not telling the truth.
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truth is lacking we suffer, and society suffers. When Adolf Hitler lied to
Neville Chamberlain, there was not peace in our time, and over fifty
million people paid the price with their lives. When Richard Nixon lied
to the nation, it destroyed the respect many had for the office of the
president. When Enron executives lied to their employees, thousands of
lives were ruined overnight. We count on our government and commercial institutions to be honest and truthful. We need and expect our
friends and family to be truthful. Truth is essential for all relations be
they personal, professional, or civic.
We are fortunate that, for the most part, people are honest and that
most of the lies we hear daily are actually social or white lies, meant to
protect us from the true answer to questions such as Do I look fat in this
outfit? Unquestionably, when it comes to more serious matters, it is in
our own self-interest to assess and determine the truth of what we are
told. Achieving this, however, is not easy. For thousands of years, people
have been using soothsayers and all manner of dubious techniques
such as putting a hot knife on a persons tongueto detect deception.
Even today, some organizations use handwriting samples, voice-stress
analysis, or the polygraph to spot liars. All of these methods have questionable results. There is no method, no machine, no test, no person
that is 100 percent accurate at uncovering deception. Even the vaunted
polygraph is accurate only 60 to 80 percent of the time, depending on
the operator of the instrument (Ford, 1996, 230232; Cumming,
2007).
Looking For Liars
The truth is that identifying deceit is so difficult that repeated studies
begun in the 1980s show that most of usincluding judges, attorneys,
clinicians, police officers, FBI agents, politicians, teachers, mothers, fathers, and spousesare no better than chance (fifty-fifty) when it comes
to detecting deception (Ford, 1996, 217, Ekman, 1991, 162). It is disturbing but true. Most people, including professionals, do no better than a
coin toss at correctly perceiving dishonesty (Ekman & OSullivan, 1991,
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913920). Even those who are truly gifted at detecting deception (probably less than 1 percent of the general population) seldom are right more
than 60 percent of the time. Consider the countless jurors who must determine honesty or dishonesty, guilt or innocence, based on what they
think are deceptive behaviors. Unfortunately, those behaviors most often
mistaken for dishonesty are primarily manifestations of stress, not deception (Ekman, 1991, 187188). Thats why I live by the motto taught to me
by those who know that there is no single behavior that is indicative of
deceptionnot one (Ekman, 1991, 162189).
This does not mean that we should abandon our efforts to study deception and observe for behaviors that, in context, are suggestive of it. My
advice is to set a realistic goal: to be able to read nonverbal behaviors with
clarity and reliability, and let the human body speak to you as to what it
is thinking, feeling, or intending. These are more reasonable objectives
that, in the end, will not only help you understand others more effectively (lying isnt the only behavior worth detecting!), but will also give
you clues to deception as a byproduct of your observations.
What Makes Deception So Difficult to Detect?
If youre wondering why identifying deception is so difficult, consider
the old adage Practice makes perfect. We learn to lie at such an early
ageand we do it so oftenthat we become skillful at telling falsehoods convincingly. To illustrate, think of how often you have heard
something like, Tell them we are not home, or Put on a party smile,
or Dont tell your dad what happened or well both be in trouble. Because we are social animals, we not only lie for our own benefit, but we
lie for the benefit of each other (Vrij, 2003, 311). Lying can be a way to
avoid giving a lengthy explanation, an attempt to avoid punishment, a
shortcut to a bogus doctoral degree, or it can simply be used to be nice.
Even our cosmetics and padded clothing help us to deceive. In essence,
for us humans, lying is a tool for social survival (St-Yves, 2007).
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A N E W AP P R O A C H TO U N C O V ERING DECEPTION
During my last year at the FBI, I submitted my research and findings on
deception, including a review of the literature for the previous forty
years. This led to the FBI publication of an article entitled A Four-Domain Model of Detecting Deception: An Alternative Paradigm for Interviewing (Navarro, 2003, 1924). This paper presented a new model for
identifying dishonesty based on the concept of limbic arousal and our
displays of comfort and discomfort, or the comfort/discomfort domain. Simply put, I suggested that when we are telling the truth and have no worries, we tend to be more comfortable than when we are lying or concerned
about getting caught because we harbor guilty knowledge. The model
also shows how we tend to display more emphatic behaviors when we are
comfortable and truthful, and when we are uncomfortable, we dont.
This model is currently being used worldwide. Although its purpose
was to train law enforcement officers to detect deception during criminal
investigations, it is applicable to any type of interpersonal interactionat
work, at home, or anywhere in which differentiating dishonesty from
truth is important. As I present it to you here, youll be uniquely prepared to understand it because of what you have learned in previous
chapters.
The Critical Role of the Comfort/Discomfort Equation
in Detecting Deception
Those who are lying or are guilty and must carry the knowledge of their
lies and/or crimes with them find it difficult to achieve comfort, and
their tension and distress may be readily observed. Attempting to disguise their guilt or deception places a very distressing cognitive load on
them as they struggle to fabricate answers to what would otherwise be
simple questions (DePaulo et al., 1985, 323370).
The more comfortable a person is when speaking with us, the easier
it will be to detect the critical nonverbals of discomfort associated with
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deception. Your goal is to establish high comfort during the early part of
any interaction or during rapport building. This helps you to establish
a baseline of behaviors during that period when the person, hopefully,
does not feel threatened.
Establishing a Comfort Zone for Detecting Deception
In pursuing the detection of deception, you must realize your impact on
the actions of a suspected liar, and recognize that how you behave will
affect the other persons behavior (Ekman, 1991, 170173). How you ask
the questions (accusingly), how you sit (too close), how you look upon the
person (suspiciously), will either support or disrupt their comfort level. It
is well established that if you violate peoples space, if you act suspicious,
if you look at them the wrong way, or ask questions with a prosecutorial
tone, it negatively intrudes on the interview. First and foremost, unmasking liars is not about identifying dishonesty, but rather it is about how
you observe and question others in order to detect deception. Then, it is
about the collection of nonverbal intelligence. The more you see (clusters
of behavior), the more confidence you can have in your observations, and
the greater your chances for perceiving when someone is being untruthful.
Even if you are actively looking for deception during a discussion or
interview, your role should be neutral, to the extent possible, not suspicious. Remember that the moment you become suspicious, you are affecting how a person will respond to you. If you say, You are lying or
I think you are not telling the truth, or even simply look at him or her
suspiciously, you will influence the persons behaviors (Vrij, 2003, 67).
The best way to proceed is just to ask for ever-more clarifying details
about the matter, such as a simple I dont understand or Can you explain how that happened again? Often merely getting someone to expand on his or her statement will suffice in eventually sorting deceit
from truth. Whether you are attempting to ascertain the validity of
someones credentials during an employment interview, the truth about
a theft at work, or especially if you are engaged in a serious discussion
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W H AT E V E R Y B O D Y I S S A Y I N G
Fig. 87
each other, or at the least their expressions will be at odds, if not totally
disparate. Asynchrony is a barrier to effective communication and is a
serious obstacle to a successful interview or discussion.
If you are relaxed and poised during a conversation or interview,
while the other party continually looks at the clock or sits in a way that is
tense or lacks movement (referred to as flash frozen), this is suggestive
that there is no comfort, even though to the untrained eye it may appear
that everything is all right (Knapp & Hall, 2002, 321; Schafer & Navarro,
2004, 66). If the other person seeks disruptions or talks repeatedly of finalizing the conversation, these too are signs of discomfort.
Obviously, displays of comfort are more common in people speaking
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BOX 57:
In my role with the FBI years ago, I conducted a joint interview of a subject along with an officer from a fellow law enforcement agency. During
the interview, a very uncomfortable and dishonest man gradually built a
barrier in front of himself using soda cans, pencil holders, and various
documents that were on the desk of my interviewing partner. He ultimately planted a backpack on the table between himself and the interviewers. The building of this barrier was so gradual that we did not realize
it until we later looked at the video. This nonverbal behavior occurred
because the subject was attempting to derive comfort by hiding behind a
wall of materials, thus distancing himself. Obviously, we got little information or cooperation, and for the most part, he lied.
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comfort during a serious discussion. Any facial expression that lasts too
long or lingers is not normal, whether a smile, a frown, or a surprised
look. Such contrived behavior during a conversation or an interview is
intended to influence opinion and lacks authenticity. Often when people
are caught doing something wrong or lying, they will hold a smile for
what seems an eternity. Rather than indicating comfort, this type of false
smile is actually a discomfort display.
When we do not like something we hear, whether a question or an
answer, we often close our eyes as if to block out what was just heard.
The various forms of eye-blocking mechanisms are analogous to folding
our hands tightly across our chest or turning away from those with
whom we disagree. These blocking displays are performed subconsciously and occur often, especially during a formal interview, and are
usually related to a specific topic. Eyelid flutter is also observed at times
when a particular subject causes distress (Navarro & Schafer, 2001, 10).
All of these eye manifestations are powerful clues as to how information is registering or what questions are problematic for the recipient.
However, they are not necessarily direct indicators of deceit. Little or no
eye contact is not indicative of deception (Vrij, 2003, 3839). This is rubbish for reasons discussed in the previous chapter.
Keep in mind that predators and habitual liars actually engage in
greater eye contact than most individuals, and will lock eyes with you.
Research clearly shows that Machiavellian people (for example, psychopaths, con men, and habitual liars) will actually increase eye contact during deception (Ekman, 1991, 141142). Perhaps this increase in eye contact
is consciously employed by such individuals because it is so commonly
(but erroneously) believed that looking someone straight in the eye is a
sign of truthfulness.
Be aware that there are cultural differences in eye contact and eyegaze behavior that must be considered in any attempt to detect deception. For example, individuals belonging to certain groups of people
(African Americans and Latin Americans, for instance) may be taught
to look down or away from parental authority out of respect when questioned or being scolded (Johnson, 2007, 280281).
DETECTING DECEPTION
217
Take note of the head movements of those with whom you are
speaking. If a persons head begins to shake either in the affirmative or
in the negative as he is speaking, and the movement occurs simultaneously with what he is saying, then the statement can typically be relied
upon as being truthful. If, however, the head shake or head movement is
delayed or occurs after the speech, then most likely the statement is contrived and not truthful. Although it may be very subtle, the delayed
movement of the head is an attempt to further validate what has been
stated and is not part of the natural flow of communication. In addition, honest head movements should be consistent with verbal denials or
affirmations. If a head movement is inconsistent with or contrary to a
persons statement, it may indicate deception. While typically involving
more subtle than exaggerated head movements, this incongruity of verbal and nonverbal signals happens more often than we think. For example, someone may say, I didnt do it, while his head is slightly
nodding in the affirmative.
During discomfort, the limbic brain takes over, and a persons face
can conversely either flush or lighten in color. During difficult conversations, you may also see increased perspiration or breathing; note whether
the person is noticeably wiping off sweat or trying to control his or her
breathing in an effort to remain calm. Any trembling of the body,
whether of the hands, fingers, or lips, or any attempt to hide or restrain
the hands or lips (through disappearing or compressed lips), may be indicative of discomfort and/or deception, especially if it occurs after normal nervousness should have worn off.
A persons voice may crack or may seem inconsistent during deceptive
speech; swallowing becomes difficult as the throat becomes dry from
stress, so look for hard swallows. These can be evidenced by a sudden
bob or jump of the Adams apple and may be accompanied by the clearing or repeated clearings of the throatall indicative of discomfort.
Keep in mind that these behaviors are indicators of distress, not guarantees of deception. I have seen very honest people testify in court displaying all these behaviors simply because they were nervous, not because
they were lying. Even after years of testifying in federal and state courts,
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I still get nervous when I am on the stand, so signs of tension and stress
always need to be deciphered in context.
Pacifiers and Discomfort
When interviewing suspects during my years with the FBI, I looked for
pacifying behaviors to help guide me in my questioning and to assess
what was particularly stressful to the interviewee. Although pacifiers
alone are not definitive proof of deception (since they can manifest in innocent people who are nervous), they do provide another piece of the
puzzle in determining what a person is truly thinking and feeling.
The following is a list of twelve things I doand the points I keep in
mindwhen I want to read pacifying nonverbals in interpersonal interactions. You might consider using a similar strategy when you interview
or converse with others, be it a formal inquiry, a serious conversation
with a family member, or an interaction with a business associate.
(1) Get a clear view. When I conduct interviews or interact with
others, I dont want anything blocking my total view of the
person, as I dont want to miss any pacifying behaviors. If, for
example, the person pacifies by wiping his hands on his lap, I
want to be able to see itwhich is difficult if there is a desk in
the way. Human resource personnel should be aware that the
best way to interview is in a physically open spacewith nothing blocking your view of the candidateso you may fully
observe the person you are interviewing.
(2) Expect some pacifying behaviors. A certain level of pacifying
behavior is normal in everyday nonverbal displays; people do this
to calm themselves. When my daughter was young, she would
soothe herself to sleep by playing with her hair, curling the
strands in her fingers, seemingly oblivious to the world. So I expect people to pacify more or less, throughout the day, just as I
expect them to breathe, as they adapt to an ever-changing environment.
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(7) Ask, pause, and observe. Good interviewers, like good conversationalists, do not machine gun questions by firing one
right after the other in a staccato fashion. You will be hardpressed to detect deception accurately if your impatience or
impertinence antagonizes the person with whom you are
speaking. Ask a question and then wait to observe all the reactions. Give the interviewee time to think and respond, and
build in pregnant pauses to achieve this objective. Also, questions should be crafted in such a way as to elicit specific answers in order to better zero in on facts and fiction. The more
specific the question, the more likely you are to elicit precise
nonverbals, and now that you have better understanding of
the meaning of subconscious actions, the more accurate your
assessments will be. In law enforcement interviews, unfortunately, many false confessions have been obtained through
sustained staccato-like questioning, which causes high stress
and obfuscates nonverbal cues. We now know that innocent
people will confess to crimes, and even give written statements, in order to terminate a stressful interview wherein
pressure is applied (Kassin, 2006, 207228). The same holds
true for sons, daughters, spouses, friends, and employees when
grilled by an overzealous person, be it a parent, husband,
wife, companion, or boss.
(8) Keep the person you are interviewing focused. Interviewers
should keep in mind that many times when people are simply
talkingwhen they are telling their side of the storythere will
be fewer useful nonverbals performed than when the interviewer
controls the scope of the topic. Pointed questions elicit behavioral
manifestations that are useful in assessing a persons honesty.
(9) Chatter is not truth. One mistake made by both novice and
experienced interviewers is the tendency to equate talking
with truth. When interviewees are talking, we tend to believe
them; when they are reserved, we assume they are lying. During conversation, people who provide an overwhelming
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BOX 58:
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every detail, feeling the depths of despair, eager to help, and willing to
tell and retell the story, even at personal risk. When such reports are
made by placid individuals, more concerned with getting one particular
version of the story out and lacking in consistent emotional displays, or
who are more concerned about their own well-being and how they are
perceived, it is behavior that is totally out of synchrony with circumstances and inconsistent with honesty.
Lastly, there should be synchrony between events, time, and place. A
person who delays reporting a significant event, such as the drowning of
a friend, spouse, or child, or who travels to another jurisdiction to report
the event should rightfully come under suspicion. Furthermore, the reporting of events that would have been impossible to observe from the
persons vantage point is asynchronous, and therefore suspect. People
who lie do not consider how synchrony fits into the equation, and their
nonverbals and stories will eventually fail them. Achieving synchrony is a
form of comfort and, as we have seen, plays a major role during police
interviews and the reporting of crimes; but it will also set the stage for
successful and meaningful conversations about all manner of serious issues in which detecting deceit is important.
Emphasis
When we speak, we naturally utilize various parts of our bodysuch as
the eyebrows, head, hands, arms, torso, legs, and feetto emphasize a
point about which we feel deeply or emotionally. Observing emphasis is
important because emphasis is universal when people are being genuine.
Emphasis is the limbic brains contribution to communication, a way to
let others know just how potently we feel. Conversely, when the limbic
brain does not back up what we say, we emphasize less or not at all. For
the most part, in my experience and that of others, liars do not emphasize (Lieberman, 1998, 37). Liars will engage their cognitive brains in
order to decide what to say and how to deceive, but rarely do they think
about the presentation of the lie. When compelled to lie, most people are
not aware of how much emphasis or accentuation enters into everyday
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227
Fig. 88
emotive brain (the limbic systemthe honest part of the brain) simply
will not be committed to the ruse, and therefore will not emphasize their
statements using nonverbal behaviors (such as gestures). The sentiments
of the limbic brain are hard to override. Try to smile fully at someone
you dislike. It is extremely difficult to do. As with a false or fake smile,
false statements come with weak or passive nonverbals.
The Rogatory Position
When a person places his outstretched arms in front of his body, with
palms up, this is known as the rogatory (or prayerful) display (see figure
89). Those who worship will turn their palms up to God to ask for
mercy. Likewise, captured soldiers will turn up their palms as they ap-
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Fig. 89
proach their captors. This behavior is also seen in individuals who say
something when they want you to believe them. During a discussion,
observe the person with whom you are speaking. When she makes a
declarative statement, note whether her hands are palm up or palm
down. During regular conversation in which ideas are being discussed
and neither party is vehemently committed to a particular point, I expect
to see both palm-up and palm-down displays.
However, when a person is making a passionate and assertive declaration such as, You have to believe me, I did not kill her, those hands
should be face down (see figure 90). If the statement is made palms up,
the individual supplicating to be believed, I would find such a statement
highly suspect. While this is not definitive, I would question any declarative statement made with the palms up. The palm-up position is not very
affirmative and suggests that the person is asking to be believed. The
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Fig. 90
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NINE
friend recently told me a story that speaks to the theme of this book
and, incidentally, can save you significant hassles if youre ever trying to find an address in Coral Gables, Florida. This friend was
driving her daughter to a photo shoot in Coral Gables, several hours from
their home in Tampa. Because she had never been to Coral Gables before,
she checked a map to determine the best route to follow. All went well until she arrived in town and started looking for street signs. There were
none. She drove for twenty minutes through unmarked intersections, no
signs in sight. Finally, in desperation, she stopped at a gas station and asked
how anyone knew which street was which. The proprietor wasnt surprised
by her question. Youre not the first to ask, he nodded sympathetically.
When you reach the intersection, you need to look down, not up. The
street signs are six-inch weathered stone blocks with painted names and
they are placed on the ground just off the pavement. My friend heeded his
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advice and within minutes located her destination. Obviously, she noted,
I was looking for street signs six feet or more above the ground, not six
inches off the ground. . . . What was most incredible, she added, was
once I knew what to look for and where to look, the signs were obvious
and unmistakable. I had no trouble finding my way.
This book is about signs, too. When it comes to human behavior,
there are basically two kinds of signs, verbal and nonverbal. All of us
have been taught to look for and identify the verbal signs. By analogy,
those are the ones that are located on poles, clearly visible as we drive
down the streets of a strange city. Then there are the nonverbal signs, the
ones that have always been there but that many of us have not learned to
spot because we havent been trained to look for and identify signs located at ground level. Whats interesting is that once we learn to attend to
and read nonverbal signs, our reactions will mirror that of my friend.
Once I knew what to look for and where to look, the signs were obvious
and unmistakable. I had no trouble finding my way.
It is my hope that through an understanding of nonverbal behavior,
you will achieve a deeper, more meaningful view of the world around
youable to hear and see the two languages, spoken and silent, that
combine to present the full, rich tapestry of human experience in all of its
delightful complexity. This is a goal well worth pursuing, and one that
with effort I know you can achieve. You now possess something powerful. You possess knowledge that will enrich your interpersonal relationships for the rest of your life. Enjoy knowing what every body is saying,
for to that end I have dedicated myself and this book.
Joe Navarro
Tampa, Florida
USA
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236
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INDEX
240
INDEX
INDEX
danger, 118
Dangerfield, Rodney, 49
da Vinci, Leonardo, 54
Dean, Diana, 24
deception
body language revealing, xiii
comfort/discomfort equation
detecting, 20910
241
242
INDEX
distrust, 185
dominance display
of genital framing, 15556, 156
stance of, 6667, 125
downward gaze, 18283
the face
disapproval cues through, 19899
emotional displays of, 16770
facial blushing/blanching of, 198
furrowed forehead of, 168, 19597,
196
gravity-defying behaviors of, 2023
happiness reflected in, 16970
muscles relaxed of, 16970
negative feelings expressed by, 167
nonverbal behaviors of, 195201
nose flaring of, 197
pacifying behavior involving, 45
poker, 56
touching, 41
facebook, 48
facial expressions
deceitful, 56
disapproval cues in, 19899
of discomfort, 168
disgust gesture of, 200201
interpretation difficult of, 204
meaningful insights from, 16667
mixed signals from, 203
universal language of, 16566
false smile, 187
as discomfort display, 216
real smile v., 18687
INDEX
243
forehead
furrowed, 168, 19597, 196
rubbing, 40
A Four-Domain Model of Detecting
Deception: An Alternative
Paradigm for Interviewing, 209
Frank, Mark G., 230
freeze response
arm behavior as, 112
foot behavior and, 8081, 82
of limbic system, 2629, 158
frozen hands, 157
Hall, Edward, 68
hand displays
arms restrained and, 157
of high confidence, 14750
244
INDEX
INDEX
245
246
INDEX
lying
brain, 25
detecting, 2078
emphasis unnatural when,
22425
eye contact during, 216
frozen hands and, 157
hand steepling less when, 226
physical contact and, 215
restraining behavior during, 82
as social survival tool, 208
MacArthur, Douglas, 97
MacLean, Paul, 22
McFadden, Martin, 18
memory, higher order, 2324
men, tie adjusting of, 42
messages, arms communicating, 116
microexpressions, of hands, 161
microgestures, 162, 200201, 201
military personnel, 121
mixed signals, facial expressions, 203
Morris, Desmond, 54, 75, 140
the mouth, 18595
movement changes, 7880
multiple tells, 13, 83
negative feelings, 36
arms down for, 11011
faces expressing, 167
hands hidden creating, 13536
lip compression indicative of, 18789
of preening, 14142
turtle effect showing, 106
neocortex, 22
dishonesty capability of, 25
higher-order cognition/memory
performed by, 2324
nervousness, 219
neural imaging, xii
Nixon, Richard, 184, 207
noncooperative feet/legs, 7678
nonverbal behaviors
in deception, 2056, 22325, 22630
defining, 25
distancing, 3132
of the eyes, 17085
of the face, 195201
feet/legs involved in, 5760, 170
of the hands, 14447
high/low confidence in, 35
idiosyncratic, 12
interpersonal communications using,
4
of the mouth, 18595
peoples thoughts deciphered
through, xii
signs of, 23334
stress displayed through, 29
synchrony in, 21113
universal tells of, 1011
upper body, 86106
walking style important as, 76
nonverbal communications
comfort v. noncomfort, 15
contextual observation
understanding, 810
INDEX
decoding, 6
decoding ten commandments of,
717
eye-blink frequency and, 18384
eye-blocking as, 3
false/misleading, 15
human body giving off, 1718
limbic systems responses of, 2534
poker players understanding of, 6
successful life learning, 5
tells of, 4
the nose
flaring of, 197
touching of, 222
up gesture of, 202, 2023
observation
of body language/environment, 710,
5557
concerted/contextual, 810
of human beings, 17
offensive gestures, of hands, 13941
orbicularis oculi, 18687
247
248
INDEX
INDEX
tattoos, 129
teachers/students, 2
tells. See also multiple tells
eye-blocking as, 178
multiple, 13, 83
of nonverbal behavior, 1011
of nonverbal communications, 4
restrained arm behavior as, 115
universal, 1011
ten commandments, nonverbal
communications, 717
territorial displays, 6567, 102
of the arms, 11931
arms spread in, 126
deception and, 22930
significant changes in, 128
territorial imperative, 68
Terry v. Ohio, 1819
thoughts/feelings, 2, 182
threatening experience, 3031, 3537
thumb displays
high confidence in, 15051
insecurity in, 155
low confidence in, 15354
tie, men adjusting, 42
toes, pointing upward, 64
tongue displays, 19395, 195
the torso
adornments, 98
baring, 103
bow, 9597
breathing behavior and,
1034
embellishments, 97100
lean, 8687, 90
limbic system protecting, 107
protecting, 92
shield, 9195
splays, 1013
true sentiments reflected by, 85
travel, 200
truth
of body language, 4
cooperation not equated to, 221
society functioning on, 2067
the torso reflecting, 85
turtle effect, 29, 30, 106
249
250
walking
different styles of, 7576
nonverbal behaviors in, 76
predators speed/direction of, 77
Walters, Barbara, 79
warning signal, 14
INDEX
yawning, 45
Credits
Designed by Susan Walsh
Illustrations (except for the limbic brain diagram) by David R. Andrade
Cover design by Victor Mingovits for Mucca Design
Photographs of Joe Navarro by Mark Wemple
Copyright
WHAT EVERY BODY IS SAYING. Copyright 2008 by Joe
Navarro. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American
Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have
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