The Ultimate

Guide to Social Skills

The Art of Talking
to Anyone
 What if you could talk to anyone, anytime,
anywhere and never worry about awk-
ward silences or saying the wrong things?
Wouldnt that feel great?
When you first meet someone, what do they notice about
you? Beyond how you look.

They dont see They dont They cant tell

your education. see how hard how funny and
youve worked. nice you are
behind closed
doors.

All they know is how you make them feel in the first few seconds
of meeting them. And if you dont make them feel good, theyre
probably already thinking about how to gracefully and quickly
move on. Tough, but true.

If your social skills arent where you want them to be, it can be
tough to live a truly Rich Life.

Thats why in this Ultimate Guide, Im going to show you how to

quickly and easily improve your social skills. Youll learn how to
use the power of body language and charisma to create lasting
connections with people.

The next time youre out at a bar, a wedding, or an event, youll

be able to confidently approach new people and always know
exactly what to say.
No more being forgettable. No more feeling like a wallflower.
And definitely no more awkwardness.

Ive spent years studying, testing, and refining the best strat-
egies for improving these skills and Im going to walk you
through how you can improve your social skills in this guide.

Who am I?
About Ramit Sethi
Hi, Im Ramit Sethi. Im the
New York Times bestsell-
ing author of the book, I Will
Teach You To Be Rich.

Ive helped millions of readers

live a Rich Life using psychol-
ogy, tough love, and tested,
step-by-step systems that
work in the real world.
 For this guide, Ive also brought in a few
of my expert friends. Heres a snapshot of
some of the social skills experts youll see:
 Why I wrote this guide

I used to be socially awkward. But every day you settle

I would say all the wrong things at for just FINE, youre losing
exactly the wrong times. Everyone out.
would just stare at me in silence,
and Id burn with embarrassment. Maybe you say the wrong things
(and dont even know it)? What do
I avoided working on this prob- people think about you after youve
lem for years because, after all, I left?
was doing just fine. Other than the Do you miss out on opportunities
occasional uncomfortable moment, and invitations because you come
what was the rush to improve? across as awkward?
What were the real consequences Or maybe when you talk to some-
of not being socially skilled? one at a bar, or a coffee shop, or a
friends house party, youre forgot-
But I realized thats exactly the ten about minutes later?
point: things were just FINE. It doesnt have to be that way.

Just like you can get fat by eating Over time, Ive learned how to im-
poorly for decades, you can actu- prove my social skills and shown
ally do just FINE going through life thousands of my students how to
without connecting with the people do the same.
around you.

Today, Im much more confident and charismatic. And even

though Im nowhere near perfect, Ive given speeches in
front of thousands of people and been on national TV. Yes, I
said National TV!
 For a guy that used to fumble his way through saying Hi to
someone new, thats a huge change.

You can make these same changes. And I want to teach you
how because your ability to connect with the people around
you is the single greatest competitive advantage you can
get.

A Rich Life isnt just about improving whats on the inside

its just as important to control what people think when they
meet you.

Lets get started!

In this guide youll learn:

Why Social Skills Are

More Important Than
People Think
Many of us dont realize the cost of
having poor social skills or the pow-
er wed gain if we improved them. In
Part 1, Ill show you why improving
your social skills is something you
cant afford to ignore.
 How to make small talk
Want to meet new people and be
able to start interesting conversa-
tions? In Part 2, I reveal the common
mistakes most people make and
show you some simple ways to make
small talk with anyone.

Overcome shyness and

build confidence
Can you learn to be more confident?
Most people assume the answer is
no. But confidence is a skill, and like
any other skill, you can master it over
time.

How to stand out from a

crowd
I know first hand that being that
awkward guy (or girl) in social and
professional situations is the worst.
Its embarrassing and unpleasant for
everyone. Learn my best strategies
for overcoming anxiety and being
confident in group settings.
Get people to like you in-
stantly
Everyone has that friend who can
walk into a bar and talk to anybody
with ease. How do they do it? Learn
the secrets for getting people to like
you, instantly.
The Ultimate Guide to Social Skills Part 1:
Why Social Skills Are More Im-
portant Than People Think (And
How to Improve Them)
Have you ever totally em-
barrassed yourself in front
of someone you just met?
Maybe youve done something like
offered a drink to a recovering al-
coholic at a bar? (Yes, I actually did
this.) Or told a joke that completely
bombed? Or maybe youve tried to
start up a conversation...only to have
it die out a few moments later?

If any of these sound familiar to you,

then you know the importance of
social skills.

But these examples only scratch the

surface.

The true cost of not having this skill goes much deeper than
just feeling uncomfortable or embarrassed from time to
time.

Here are three key reasons why social skills

are so important to your life.

Reason #1
Poor social skills have hidden costs

You might think social skills only matter for dating and
parties, but theyre absolutely crucial in business, too.
They can be the difference between getting a massive
payday or nothing at all.
Heres an example: One of my While it might not be a
friends runs a successful tech busi-
ness and was considering acquiring million-dollar payday that
a small, 1-man company. you miss, that same thing
is happening in your work-
After a night of drinking, he asked
me what I thought of the guy be- place every day.
hind the 1-man company. As a
friend, I told him the brutal truth: Your boss looks at his boss and, at
the guy was way too cocky for his review time, they both agree some
experience, I wouldnt want him on people just arent management
my team, and I told him exactly why. material. Or theyre not ready for
the best projects.

My friend canceled the If you cant deal with people

acquisition the next day. the right way, opportunities will
That guy will never know keep passing you by. Are they
passing you by?
that his social skills cost
him a 7-figure payday.

Reason #2
Even the naturals work hard to be liked

Take a second to imagine

your favorite celebrity be-
ing interviewed on a talk
show.
Isnt it fascinating how they always
have fun, amusing stories to tell?

While it seems like these stories

unfold off-the-cuff, theyre actually
tested, refined, and practiced for
months in advance. In fact, these
stories often go through many itera-
tions before theyre ever ready to be
told in front of an audience.

If you want to see someone who applies

rigorous testing and practice before taking
their work to a public stage, look at Chris
Rock. It takes him at least 6 months just to
develop an HOUR-long stand up show. But
by the time Rock arrives on stage,
hes flawless.

You can take this same

approach with your social
skills.
Yes, improving what you say and
how you interact with others will
take some practice.And yes, it can
feel a little weird to work on this.
But every highly socially skilled per-
son works on this -- even if theyre
just practicing in ordinary conversa-
tions day-to-day.
 Reason #3
If your social skills are missing the mark,
nobody will tell you

Imagine youre about to go on a date or job

interview. You dont know it, but theres a
piece of spinach stuck in your teeth, and
even though everyone sees it, nobody tells
you about it!
A lot of us go through life like this. We have little idiosyn-
crasies that turn people off or keep us from making a good
impression. Most of us never learn what they are, but once
were aware of them, our lives can change dramatically.

Heres an example: back in high

school I applied to dozens of schol-
arships.

Even though I was a great candi-

date on paper, I could never get
passed the interviews. I never un-
derstood why until I videotaped my-
self giving a mock interview. When I
watched the tape, I realized I never
smiled!

I thought I was coming across as a

fun, gregarious guy, but watching
that tape I looked like a dull, humor-
less robot.

That was a crucial piece of feed-

back that I was missing -- and no
one in the interviews told me about.
Instead, opportunities just kept
passing right by me, and I didnt
know why.
 Of course, there are other ways to get feedback besides tap-
ing yourself, but the rewards can be just as profound.

Take a look at my friend, Michael Ellsberg, as an example.

Hes someone who went from being a total loser in high
school to becoming a successful writer, speaker, and author
of The Education of Millionaires.

And one of the biggest turning points in his life came

from getting brutal and honest feedback. The expe-
rience was so powerful he broke down in tears right
there on the spot.

Watch this video to see how embracing

feedback changed his life:
In this interview, which you cannot find anywhere else,
youll learn:

The very painful but necessary starting point for any

kind of personal growth work
How to get candid, brutally honest feedback from people
instead of whitewashed compliments
The mental strategy for handling criticism from people
very close to you (like your parents)
The Ultimate Guide to Social Skills Part 2:
How to Make Small Talk
Do you know someone who can
strike up a conversation with every-
body they meet? Their conversa-
tions look effortless, they often get
free drinks at the bar, and they make
best friends any time they go out.

How do these people do

it? Are they some type of
social mutants? Or are
they just naturals when
it comes to talking to peo-
ple?
They may be gifted, but they dont
have some coveted secret. Instead,
theyve just mastered the art of
small talk: that oh-so-elusive skill
that many people claim to hate.

But listen, small talk doesnt have to be icky or boring

Hows the weather? chats. You can actually use small
talk to dive into much deeper conversations. It can be the
basis for great relationships and making new friends.

Below we will cover the basics of improving

small talk (including what NOT to do).

How to be interesting
The key to small talk is being interesting. If
youre not interesting, you can actually see
peoples eyes glaze over.
Whenever I used to talk at a party or in work meetings, peo-
ple would give me blank stares and completely check out.
For a long time I had no idea what was going on, but I even-
tually discovered the mistake I was making.

Check out this video clip, where I break down exactly

what I was doing wrong.

Live small talk teardowns and word-for-

word s cripts for you to try out

Alright, now that weve laid the foundation,

lets dive into the details.
In the video, I explain how small talk really works, give you
some simple tips to master it, and even include a LIVE tear-
down of someone making small talk. You can apply the in-
sights from this conversation to the next one you have and
make yours a success.

Check out these small talk hacks:

More specifically:

How to you make small talk

How to take the active role in the conversation to help the
conversation flow in the direction you want it to
How to keep the conversation exciting with an actual tear
down interview with one of our IWT students.

How do you keep the conversation

going smoothly?
Weve all been in conversations that suddenly fizzle out. One
minute youre standing there chatting away. The next youre
awkwardly looking around and frantically searching for
something clever to say...but the words just wont come.

Does this happen to you?

It doesnt have to. With a few easy tricks,

you can keep any conversation rolling along
at just the right pace -- without asking too
many questions or talking too much.
Let me show you how in this video:

How to skillfully exit a boring conversation

As fun as it is to talk to new people, eventually every conver-

sation must come to an end.

But for a lot of people, it can be hard to escape. Especially if

youve followed the tips from above, youll have people that
never want you to go away.

Rather than just awkwardly backing away from them or

making lame excuses that you have to go, heres how you
can skillfully end any conversation -- and still keep good rap-
port with the person youre speaking to.

Its a simple tip, but its ultra handy, especially if you ever find
yourself in the midst of a weird conversation and want out.

Watch it here:
The Ultimate Guide to Social Skills Part 3:
Overcoming Shyness
We all feel awkward and unsure
at times.

Just think back to your first day of

high school or at your job. Did you
feel vulnerable? Were you unsure
what to say or how to connect with
other people?

While thats a common feeling, what

if you could go into new situations
without feeling that way ever again?
Imagine if you always felt confident
and natural when you tried new
things or met new people.

You actually can! Like any other skill, confidence is some-

thing that can be improved -- and even mastered -- over
time.

Here are two of my favorite techniques to

boost your confidence in any situation.

Confidence Technique #1
The Invisibility Cloak Technique

Here is a simple but effective way to cover

up your fears and anxieties when entering an
uncomfortable situation.
 It goes like this: whenever youre in a social situation, imagine
youre wearing a cloak that makes you invisible or covers up
certain parts of you.

Now, itd be weird if you

walked around with a
crazy Halloween mask or
cape on and went into a
Starbucks saying Greet-
ings, hows your day?
Not going to go well.

But what if, mentally, you can apply

this same tactic? If I go to a confer-
ence, Ill put on my Invisibility Cloak
which allows me to feel confident
and say, Who am I going to be to-
day? What is my behavior going to
reflect?

If I want to be a gregarious, friendly, outgoing guy, Im not

changing who I am on the inside to be inauthentic. Im
just changing my behavior on the outside.

What youll find is that over time, your atti-

tude will change to match your behavior.

Confidence Technique #2
Make confidence building a game
Here are two fun ways you can build up your
confidence: the 60 Seconds Game and the
Compliments game.
 The key to lasting confidence
How to eliminate shyness for good

Many shy people can use the tactics above to boost their
confidence for a little while but find themselves slipping
back into their timid habits.

Luckily, overcoming shyness is easier than youd expect. In

fact, it just takes a subtle mental shift to rid yourself of this
pesky emotion for good.

In the video below, Ill show you a simple technique you

can use to stop feeling shy today.

More specifically:

Watch as I shed some light on shyness, and how shy peo-

ple think and behave the way they do (1:03)
One way to change the way you think about shyness. (1:29)
One technique to help you become less shy and more con-
fident in your social interactions. (2:45)
The Ultimate Guide to Social Skills Part 4:
How to Master Group
Conversations
Group conversations can be very
tricky.

Groups come with a lot of moving

parts. No one can predict exact-
ly what someone else will say, who
will show up, or where youll even be.
While thats part of the fun of being
in a group, it can be stressful if youre
not sure how to behave or what to
say in group settings.

In these situations, its normal to feel

excluded and anxious. Its normal to
wonder, What do these people think
about me? All of these things are
normal.

But with the right tools and a little bit of practice, you can be
as confident talking with a group of strangers as you are with
your close friends.

Here are some of the best tips and strate-

gies Ive learned to handle any group setting.

How to feel at ease in groups

The number one thing you can do to make

great impressions in group settings is get
proactive.
Think about it. How many people just show up to a group
event and stand there with their backs against the wall, ex-
pecting to be entertained by someone else?

Thats not only rude, its a terrible strategy for making a good
impression. When you do this, youre leaving what everyone
thinks of you up to chance.

The better approach is to take control of the situation -- so

you decide how people remember you.

You can accomplish this in a couple of differ-

ent ways:

1. Brainstorm a list of topics to talk about

BEFORE you ever get to the event.

That way you dont have

to stand there awkward-
ly, trying to come up with
clever things to say.
What should be on your list?

People want to talk about what

other people are talking about.
To get a shortlist, just look at the
news, Twitter, or Facebook. The
trending topics on these platforms
are the perfect kinds of things to
bring up in group conversations.
Plus, they make for easy icebreak-
ers and allow you to be proactive
in striking up conversations.
So you might say something like, Did you
see what so-and-so did at the MTV music
awards yesterday? Or, Woah, did you know
what so-and-so is doing?
It encourages people in the group to chime in and say, Yeah!
I saw that! That was crazy! Or youll have others who say,
No, whats happening? Then you can explain it briefly to
kickstart a deeper conversation.

Its a great way to get a group conversation rolling along and

everyone engaged.

2. Plan the type of impression you want

to leave on people.

To do that, ask yourself:

When you spend some time planning these things out, you
can have some conversation ideas on hand that give off the
impression you want.

For example, if you want to make people laugh, prepare a

few jokes and a list of funny things to talk about. If you want
people to know youre intelligent, do a little research and put
together a list of fun facts to drop into a discussion.
The point is by doing this up front, you remove all the guess-
work. Youre prepared with material to use when the oppor-
tunity is right.

S.E.T.H.I. Technique

Smile: Simple, but very effective. In a group,

you naturally trust, like and gravitate toward
people with genuine smiles. In the beginning,
forcing yourself to smile more might feel
fake, but keep practicing. Its worth it.

Energy: Take whatever energy level youre

at now and add 50% more energy. Test it
in small, anonymous places like at a coffee
shop. See what kind of reactions you get.
Then work up to using it at work and with
your friends. Youll be amazed at the differ-
ence. Dont believe me?

Heres the difference in action:

Talk Slower: Fast talking is a sure-fire way to
make people tune out. If youre a fast-talker,
forcing yourself to slow down, while awkward
for you, will be a welcome change to your
listeners.

Hands: Your hands can be very expressive.

Adding gestures (and not hiding your hands
in your pockets or crossing your arms) can
dramatically improve your communication.

Eye Contact: The most socially fluent peo-

ple dont avoid eye contact, nor do they stare
down other people. They look at you, they
look away, then they come back. You can
practice this rhythm, too.

Get invited to more group events

(so you practice more)

When I first moved to NYC, I wanted to go out and enjoy the

nightlife but didnt know anybody. Even though I was des-
perate to unwind and have fun after a long week of work, I
stayed in and spent many of those nights alone.

My phone never rang, nobody texted me, I just sat there

bored out of my mind. It was the WORST. I dont want you to
have any nights like that.
In the 8-minute video below, youll see my 2-step pro-
cess for getting more invites to events and parties
(and spending fewer Fridays alone).

Particularly pay attention to:

My technique for meeting new people and making friends

in a new city (0:36)
How to invite people to events (2:04)
Two techniques to find out about the most interesting
events are in your city (3:31)
What to do once you find an event youd like to go to but
dont want to go alone (4:01)
How to increase your social value (6:22)
 How to instantly and deeply connect
with more people

All these tactics help you once youve gotten a conversation

to spark. But sometimes youll need an extra push -- a way of
deeply connecting with people even if it feels a little weird at
first.

Thats why I want to share one of my favorite interviews with

you. Its from a session I had with one of my good friends
Ron Lieber.

Lieber is an award-winning journalist who

writes the Your Money column for the New
York Times. Watch as he discusses his tech-
niques for creating instant rapport with
someone he meets for the first time.
Heres just some of what we covered in our conversa-
tion:

How to strike up a conversation with anyone and go

deeper than the generic, Hi, how are you?
The fun conversational game you can play to rapidly build
your personal-connection skills
The Ultimate Guide to Social Skills Part 5:
How to Be More Likeable
How can you become more
likeable?
If you were to ask someone, theyd
probably say smile more! Thats
good advice, but there is another
simple technique just as powerful (if
not more) -- eye contact.

It seems so obvious, but most peo-

ple overlook it. They dont conscious-
ly use eye contact, which is a shame
because it is one of the most valu-
able tools you have at your disposal.
With a half-second look, you can
convey anything from confidence to
insecurity to friendliness.

Eye contact is a key piece of my S.E.T.H.I. technique, but I

want to give you a special eye contact challenge you can use
to quickly improve how you use eye contact.

The Eye Contact Challenge

Yes, Im asking you to test your eye contact. Notice Im not

saying Get better at it! I want you to see the difference
when you try different types of eye contact. When done cor-
rectly, it can build rapport and intimacy. When done poorly, it
can make you look like a serial killer. (We cover the difference
in the clip below.)
 Heres how to do it: Try holding
eye contact for a second longer
than you normally would. Practice
on your waiter, barista, or the per-
son at the checkout counter.

How do you feel?

How does the other person
react?

Learning to pay atten-

tion to the subtle yet
powerful differences can
completely change how
people respond to you in
social situations.

What social skills advice actually works?

In this 15-minute clip, body language expert

Olivia Fox Cabane and I talk about why most
social skills advice is garbage and what ac-
tually works.

Heres just some of what we covered in our conversa-

tion:

A common, habitual problem women tend to have that

makes them seem overeager, insecure, and nervous (you
could be doing this and not even know) (2:16)
The microexpressions that betray you in just 17 millisec-
onds giving away whats actually going on inside your head
(5:52)
Two easy ways to instantly become more present in con-
versations (even when youre bored or tired) (7:00 )
Why you cant completely control your body language
and what to do instead (8:15)
The single biggest inhibitor to charisma and how to correct
it (12:40)
The Ultimate Guide to Social Skills Part 6:
Whats Next
 Now that you have learned
how to take your social
skills to a new level and
learned how to be more
confident, its time to put
these new skills into action.

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